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stone face Vote score: 10117stone face

"Has Nan gone out with that big glass ashtray in her mouth again?"

26/08/18 19:57:14

Pete  Vote score: 18533Pete

Amazon customer help desk.

09/08/18 19:22:44

Welsh Rarebit Vote score: 38816Welsh Rarebit

"Beryl, can we go home now as I've got a Whopper of a headache."

29/07/18 19:08:29

Neil Mackenzie Vote score: 16223Neil Mackenzie

Essex Girls struggle to wear knickers on special occasions.

26/07/18 7:00:44

Ah, that's 'cracked' me up. You're so mean. --Vivvy En
Tony Edwards Vote score: 42613Tony Edwards

Climb it change

15/05/18 7:55:45

Stephen Paterson Vote score: 3481Stephen Paterson

He'll be back in his crypt tonight.

10/05/18 11:14:18

Jonathan Allsopp Vote score: 2803Jonathan Allsopp

£50

Because Mrs Benson had been hiding under the bed at the time of the burglary, the line-up at Clacton police station was somewhat unusual.

17/04/17 7:35:16

Amazing. The comments mean a lot more than the 50. Very kind. May the silliness long continue!Thanks. --Jonathan Allsopp
Mark England Vote score: 24078Mark England

In his younger days, Don King had a fetish for licking squirrels arses

23/01/17 20:16:38

It's based on Don King's unique hairstyle  --Mark England
Ian Skelding Vote score: 35218Ian Skelding

The battery's dead.

02/01/17 20:25:25

That is the best caption for some time. Nice work. --Dan Nicholls
Stephen Paterson Vote score: 3481Stephen Paterson

Bah HungBug!

22/12/16 12:01:58

Thank you folks, that's now my best scoring caption. :-)  --Stephen Paterson
Steve Wright Vote score: 1855Steve Wright

£50

Wally's swollen testicles were becoming a concern.

09/12/16 15:09:17

Yeah truly fantastic caption  --Petey Bee
Smuldo Vote score: 11761Smuldo

£50

  Star Trek : The Vinyl Frontier.

03/11/16 8:02:11

Thanks very much everyone,much appreciated and thanks to Chris for giving us a great site with superb captioneers, cheers 😁 --Smuldo
Greg Curtis Vote score: 9503Greg Curtis

£100

  "WHO INVITED your Rex?"

20/08/16 11:15:41

Thanks for all the great feedback, gang! And thank you, Chris, for creating, and running this great site...which keeps us off the streets and out of trouble. The internet can be a dark place, but caption.me is a point of shimmering light - a place... --Greg Curtis
Tony Edwards Vote score: 42613Tony Edwards

"Umm.....what's this? DO NOT SPIT AT THE VISITORS."

21/07/16 19:35:59

Steve Davies Vote score: 2447Steve Davies

"Let me see, Google , images , Medusa, ah shit.

25/10/15 20:20:14

"Is that really you Medusa? Well stone me..." --Boycie
Tony Edwards Vote score: 42613Tony Edwards

Spinal chord

09/09/15 11:44:04

Dan Nicholls Vote score: 19923Dan Nicholls

"Hello is that customer complaints? I need to return some goods...well, I ordered a leotard".

06/08/15 7:01:16

From Amazon I presume. :-D --Chris Halliwell
Tony Edwards Vote score: 42613Tony Edwards

"Alas, poor Yorick! I flew him well."

05/02/15 20:23:07

He was raised as a fool.  --Boycie
John  Glover Vote score: 23223John Glover

They made me take my silverback.

27/01/15 12:02:16

Pete  Vote score: 18533Pete

Who ate all the flies?

15/08/14 8:44:18

Tracy Davidson Vote score: 9777Tracy Davidson

The Pristine Chapel.

02/07/14 7:00:20

Leroy Brown Vote score: 8188Leroy Brown

Just done it..... In your new shoes!

24/06/14 19:00:57

matt cunningham Vote score: 393matt cunningham

Tiddly wink

16/03/14 9:37:01

Brian  Malco Vote score: 2447Brian Malco

"I told you we should've used heavier barrels to store the helium - go get the step ladders..."

05/03/14 20:09:07

Michael Winner Vote score: 25610Michael Winner

"Nigella! Have you been on the coke again?"

15/12/13 8:30:56

Now we know who's really behind the exhibits in Charles Saatchi's gallery. Damien Hurst? Tracy Emin? Neither can match the creativity of Nigella on coke. --Mark England
Mark England Vote score: 24078Mark England

Cuepid

27/08/13 19:01:41

Hercules  Rockefeller Vote score: 16345Hercules Rockefeller

Del Monte Python

27/03/13 12:00:30

The Full Monty Python? --Cath Jones
Tony Edwards Vote score: 42613Tony Edwards

Trophy wife.

17/01/13 8:02:46

Dan Dan Vote score: 5606Dan Dan

£100

"You got a light?"..."I am the light Baby."

11/11/12 20:03:59

Thank you for your kind comments and pm's. It's a privilege just to be part of such a fantastic site and group of people, and like it's been said before, this is the icing on the cake. --Dan Dan
John Llamas Vote score: 20904John Llamas

Ales of the Unexpected

18/09/12 7:17:42

Ken Stapleton Vote score: 1589Ken Stapleton

Swindler's Lift    

14/08/12 7:00:16

John Llamas Vote score: 20904John Llamas

Water Raleigh and Francis Drake

11/08/12 10:01:06

Michael Winner Vote score: 25610Michael Winner

"Young man, about these airbags you fitted for me..."

13/07/12 19:00:06

Ethelia Fotherington-Smythe Vote score: 2744Ethelia Fotherington-Smythe

Stool pigeon

02/07/12 19:00:17

Pete  Vote score: 18533Pete

"Does it come Whitbread?"

25/06/12 19:00:36

Mr. Toad Vote score: 2088Mr. Toad

“I best be off- the wife’ll be having kittens.”

28/10/11 19:02:31

Grant Amey Vote score: 433Grant Amey

£50

Andrex puppies just don't make good police dogs

30/09/11 10:29:19

Private Dave was dreading boot camp, he was already struggling at sock camp.

Tue 12:30:39

John Harrison Vote score: 10733John Harrison

"We need more lamp posts."

01/11/25 8:03:50

monty D Vote score: 2099monty D

£50

Tommy go back to your Mum next door

12/10/25 11:09:56

Many thanks for these comments from such wonderful captioneers. It makes 3 years of pun worth it! Monty --monty D
Tony Edwards Vote score: 42613Tony Edwards

He died from overexposure.

03/08/25 11:08:28, edited: 03/08/25 11:08:50

Chris Halliwell Vote score: 6227Chris Halliwell

Breaking News:reports are coming through that a kid napping has occurred at Manchester Airport.

29/07/25 19:07:55

Vanessa  the Guesser Vote score: 24949Vanessa the Guesser

The Elephant Nan

06/07/25 19:03:42

Dave Bryan Vote score: 40258Dave Bryan

''I said 'fetch', you stupid dog.''

21/06/25 11:35:58

Jo Vote score: 4685Jo

It's a frog eat hog world

08/06/25 19:02:24

Al Overy Vote score: 22013Al Overy

Is this a live feed?

06/06/25 11:03:26

Clever! --Johnny Goode
Rob Falconer Vote score: 585Rob Falconer

Doctors stunned by amazing growth spurt of triplet

25/05/25 11:02:05

Vanessa  the Guesser Vote score: 24949Vanessa the Guesser

He was chaste through security.

29/04/25 7:02:58

Stephen Bean Vote score: 52457Stephen Bean

"We need to cut back on our burrowing."

17/04/25 7:19:24

Valerie Fish Vote score: 153Valerie Fish

Sitting on the rock of the bay

02/04/25 20:05:19

Ian Sanderson Vote score: 1467Ian Sanderson

Don’t worry, he’ll drop off in a minute.

11/03/25 8:06:44, edited: 11/03/25 9:28:32

James Lennox Vote score: 25857James Lennox

The Empire Strokes Cat

09/03/25 20:00:50, edited: 09/03/25 20:01:21

Ian Skelding Vote score: 35218Ian Skelding

“Have you taken it off and put it back on again?”

06/03/25 8:05:27

James Lennox Vote score: 25857James Lennox

*whisper*

"Komodo dragons are cunning and efficient hunters. First they bite their victims, injecting them with a highly toxic venom. Then they sit back and wait, maybe watch a bit of telly, have a cup of tea..."

28/02/25 20:48:30

Dave Bryan Vote score: 40258Dave Bryan

''Oh no, I've passed another motion.''

05/02/25 12:01:03

Odour! Odour! --Glad You Remember
James Lennox Vote score: 25857James Lennox

A horse walks into a Spar...

29/01/25 8:01:21

Ian Skelding Vote score: 35218Ian Skelding

Beware of elderly female pickpockets.

22/01/25 8:01:21

Ian Skelding Vote score: 35218Ian Skelding

“That’s a bit austintatious.”

16/01/25 12:04:20

Stephen Bean Vote score: 52457Stephen Bean

Right wing party

04/12/24 12:01:47

The Tories during lockdown --Mr Dome
Dave Bryan Vote score: 40258Dave Bryan

''Have you reserved a table?''

''Yes, I pissed down the leg of the one in the corner.''

28/11/24 8:05:48, edited: 28/11/24 8:11:35

Ian Skelding Vote score: 35218Ian Skelding

Hardly Davidson

26/11/24 12:03:33, edited: 26/11/24 12:04:03

Al Overy Vote score: 22013Al Overy

"I have wonderful news, Mary. I'm to be the new face of Pringles crisps!"

22/11/24 8:01:45

Stephen Bean Vote score: 52457Stephen Bean

Tom and Sherry

02/11/24 12:01:08

Al Overy Vote score: 22013Al Overy

🎶 When I'm cleaning Windows 🎶

20/10/24 7:08:35

Dave - are you drunk? --Mr Dome
Tony S Vote score: 12755Tony S

Aliens arrive on earth looking for Jobs.

07/10/24 19:10:11

Stephen Bean Vote score: 52457Stephen Bean

Whodonut

16/08/24 19:24:01

Scrijjy Doo Vote score: 17993Scrijjy Doo

An Ale of Two Titties

17/07/24 19:05:51

Al Overy Vote score: 22013Al Overy

The Dark Knit

14/07/24 19:18:17

Brilliant  --Mr Dome
Dave Bryan Vote score: 40258Dave Bryan

''I'll be black.''

29/06/24 11:08:15

Al Overy Vote score: 22013Al Overy

When the CEO retired, he left some very big shoes to fill.

10/06/24 11:05:27

Karen Oakenfull Vote score: 3954Karen Oakenfull

A timeless classic

16/05/24 19:00:40

Vanessa  the Guesser Vote score: 24949Vanessa the Guesser

"Are you one of those Harey Bikers?"

03/05/24 19:10:10

James Lennox Vote score: 25857James Lennox

...followed closely by 12 disciples, a horde of Romans, and the Benny Hill theme music.

01/05/24 11:06:27, edited: 01/05/24 12:38:16, suggested edits

Stephen Bean Vote score: 52457Stephen Bean

UNICORN FOUND

Thanks to local heroin

15/04/24 19:28:54

Dave Bryan Vote score: 40258Dave Bryan

When the shit hits the man.

07/04/24 19:56:13

Glyn Evans Vote score: 13401Glyn Evans

"Didn't I say to go before we got in the jacuzzi?"

03/04/24 19:05:31

Karyn Harrison Vote score: 13863Karyn Harrison

A fish out of mortar

28/03/24 20:00:36

Vivvy En Vote score: 16778Vivvy En

There's a message in there somewhere

24/03/24 8:19:58

C CaMel Vote score: 19598C CaMel

George Orwelly

21/03/24 11:46:23

Ian Skelding Vote score: 35218Ian Skelding

Trotters Independent Waders

21/03/24 8:10:38

Scrijjy Doo Vote score: 17993Scrijjy Doo

Chariots of Fryer

18/03/24 20:02:12

Dave Bryan Vote score: 40258Dave Bryan

''Have you ever fought before?''

''I was wrestling with the accounts all morning.''

02/03/24 8:20:01, edited: 02/03/24 8:28:26

Mark England Vote score: 24078Mark England

"The journey was so slow. It kept stopping at every lamp-post"

01/03/24 12:03:31

C CaMel Vote score: 19598C CaMel

“During mating season the male will search for a female that is presenting.”

28/02/24 12:35:58

C CaMel Vote score: 19598C CaMel

“When your employer is really glad you’re leaving.”

27/02/24 8:05:25

Dot Old Vote score: 3177Dot Old

"I wasn't expecting this when I asked for red square nails."

22/02/24 13:31:18

Ben Samuel Vote score: 4326Ben Samuel

Aviary tired dog

17/02/24 20:03:06

Vanessa  the Guesser Vote score: 24949Vanessa the Guesser

I thought I heard the delivery guy knocking.

17/02/24 12:01:37

John Harrison Vote score: 10733John Harrison

"I think it's a Bigasso."

12/02/24 20:08:22

Dave Bryan Vote score: 40258Dave Bryan

CLOSING TIME AT KNOWSLEY SAFARI PARK

''Don't worry, it must be hiding in the bushes.''

08/02/24 12:08:35

Crap, sorry Dave. I missed voting on this pic. Would have Supervoted this. --James Lennox
Vivvy En Vote score: 16778Vivvy En

Dinner's on me

29/01/24 20:15:59

Dave Bryan Vote score: 40258Dave Bryan

''If someone doesn't buy a brick soon, I'm going to throw in the trowel.''

27/01/24 8:05:07

Dave Bryan Vote score: 40258Dave Bryan

Arch Garfunkel

24/01/24 8:29:18

Stephen Bean Vote score: 52457Stephen Bean

"Why did you call your dog Curiosity?"

23/01/24 12:29:49

Mr Dome  Vote score: 20096Mr Dome

From cradle to grave

19/01/24 8:47:48

Mark England Vote score: 24078Mark England

"Trek 300 miles across the plains in search of water? Fuck that I've just got a flight for £4.99 on Ryanair. Lands 10 minutes from the watering hole"

15/01/24 12:28:36

The flight is £4.99, but the extra weight over the standard limit will be another £4990. --Molly R
Phil Swan Vote score: 7627Phil Swan

Dave was determined to get his money's worth at the Build a Bear shop.

11/01/24 20:03:04, edited: 11/01/24 20:08:37, suggested edits

I've left a bit of a pedantic edit suggestion Cap Auth. Feel free to ignore. --James Lennox
C CaMel Vote score: 19598C CaMel

“What’s the password?”
‘Miow?’
“I really should change that, come in.”

10/01/24 8:04:44

Julia Kinsey Vote score: 2549Julia Kinsey

Furrytail of New York

04/01/24 12:22:21

Tony Edwards Vote score: 42613Tony Edwards

Only Fuel is Horses

03/01/24 10:08:09

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