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"Im afraid were giving the part to Ursula Andress"
"Im afraid were giving the part to Ursula Andress" photo | portfolio
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Gavin Smithers Vote score: 282Gavin Smithers

"I'm afraid we're giving the part to Ursula Andress"

26/04/19 9:59:08

Stephen Bean Vote score: 3961Stephen Bean

Splash of the Titans

26/04/19 8:00:15

Joe Vote score: 1601Joe

‘We’re gonna need a bigger boat...’

26/04/19 8:54:20

A bigger gravy boat more like. --Dan Nicholls
Dan Nicholls Vote score: 12938Dan Nicholls

Steve, put the harpoon down.

26/04/19 10:47:33

The Wolf Vote score: 3886The Wolf

Baywatch vows to carry on with a new series despite suffering severe budget cuts

26/04/19 8:02:23

Dot Old Vote score: 558Dot Old

"Oh my god... we've made it... there it is!"
"Yeah, and mine's a Big Mac."

26/04/19 9:49:49

James Lennox Vote score: 2627James Lennox

And just like that, the global rising sea level crisis was averted.

26/04/19 8:28:34

Sam Cass Vote score: 726Sam Cass

The two in the front live together. They're fatmates.

26/04/19 13:08:01

Dot Old Vote score: 558Dot Old

Polly 'n saturated fats

26/04/19 8:12:31

stone face Vote score: 4878stone face

When I booked Club 18-30 I thought it was for that age group, not their friggin' weight.

26/04/19 8:08:01

Stu Dent Vote score: 2450Stu Dent

Cinderella hen night ends in disaster as ship sinks just offshore

26/04/19 8:03:37

Dave Bryan Vote score: 5143Dave Bryan


26/04/19 8:01:23

Ian Skelding Vote score: 20835Ian Skelding

"Great, I've just remembered my hotel room number, 88."

26/04/19 8:01:07

Chris Keegan Vote score: 6253Chris Keegan

"What the bloody hell are you playing at??? What I said was SLIMMERS World!!"

26/04/19 8:00:10

Anthony Smith Vote score: 66Anthony Smith

"The water's too cold!! We're going to complain to the local council about this, because we want something done about it. We're not happy."

27/04/19 21:31:02

Poxy Jock Vote score: 64Poxy Jock

Don't fancy yours much, Bert

26/04/19 20:31:19

Mr. Toad Vote score: 1738Mr. Toad

Flood defences breached on The Jeremy Kyle Show.

26/04/19 12:10:11

Lawrence Day Vote score: 446Lawrence Day

Local Loch Ness monster sightings , explained by photograph of bathers.

26/04/19 11:15:22

Vivvy En Vote score: 4414Vivvy En

Buoyancy maids

26/04/19 10:46:46

John  Glover Vote score: 19319John Glover

"OMG you are right, bathing in water does get rid of bad body odour."

26/04/19 10:26:21

Tony Edwards Vote score: 29785Tony Edwards


26/04/19 9:38:27

Mr Dome  Vote score: 7137Mr Dome

To be honest if it's a toss up between two fat birds and a ginger I'll give it a miss

26/04/19 9:07:48

Stu Dent Vote score: 2450Stu Dent

creatures from the black lagoon

26/04/19 8:09:15

Mr Dome  Vote score: 7137Mr Dome

I don't know what all the fuss is about. I think they are totally appropriately dressed for the beach

26/04/19 8:08:16

Dave Bryan Vote score: 5143Dave Bryan

''Well, that's their bath over with. A bag of chips each and I'm looking at a nice relaxing evening when we get back to the care home.''

26/04/19 8:04:43

Neil Mackenzie Vote score: 9337Neil Mackenzie

British Remainers flee in small boats to France. They might be too stupid to understand how democracy works, but they’re not that stupid to turn up in France wearing yellow life vests.

26/04/19 8:00:19

Spycenwolf  Vote score: 874Spycenwolf

Sea double-chins.

26/04/19 8:57:16

Joe Vote score: 1601Joe

Mermaids in the low season

26/04/19 8:52:29

Spycenwolf  Vote score: 874Spycenwolf

The girth of Venus. And Marcia.

26/04/19 8:49:42

The Wolf Vote score: 3886The Wolf

Major panic ensued today as a Great White Shark was spotted in shallow waters on Brighton Beach. Luckily though, two local ladies entered the sea, smeared it with tartare sauce and polished off the bugger with a bag of chips.

26/04/19 8:24:17

Glyn Evans Vote score: 5560Glyn Evans

"With a little bit of this, and a little bit of that, come on everybody..."

26/04/19 8:24:12

Vanessa  the Guesser Vote score: 8787Vanessa the Guesser

Falling off the cruise liner was a Scary moment for the remaining Spice Girls.

26/04/19 8:08:14

Hercules  Rockefeller Vote score: 5743Hercules Rockefeller

"Well, there used to be plenty of fish in the sea before they showed up."

26/04/19 8:06:30

Mr Dome  Vote score: 7137Mr Dome

Maybe paddleboarding isn't for you love after all

26/04/19 8:05:34

Mr Dome  Vote score: 7137Mr Dome

Footage emerges of the likely cause of the latest tsunami

26/04/19 8:04:12

Vanessa  the Guesser Vote score: 8787Vanessa the Guesser

Fisherman's Friends

26/04/19 8:01:03

Welsh Rarebit Vote score: 36635Welsh Rarebit

Elizabeth from 'The Waltons' helps two beached whales in Bournemouth.

26/04/19 8:00:17

Karyn Harrison Vote score: 2675Karyn Harrison

"She's behind you!"

26/04/19 8:00:11

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