lol x6 creative

30/10/16 16:18:47

lol clever x2

"Let me see, Google , images , Medusa, ah shit.

25/10/15 20:20:14

lol creative

Grandad can you pick gran up from the pub she's absolutely shit faced again .

14/10/16 15:40:57

lol x2

"I thought you said you knew how to change a nappy".

16/11/14 14:59:04

clever

Slip road.

15/10/16 13:20:58

What time is it?
Oh about 5 mins to 10 of the top of my head.

25/07/14 20:02:12

Subtext.

08/12/15 15:44:29

Man-maid?

19/09/14 8:22:39

lol clever

She could often be found in the beer garden enjoying a stiff brandy, who was taken into care some weeks later by the R.S.P.C.A.

07/09/14 21:41:54

Waiter I think this milk has gone sower.

23/09/12 12:52:20

Delays today were caused by Steve's on the line.

26/08/14 20:14:37

Where the streets have no drains.

21/08/14 14:42:37

Has anyone seen Dorothy's magic shoes? because Dorothy sure as hell cant.

28/06/14 20:35:17

"Finding nemo 3 is out soon"
" I know I've seen the trailer".

25/11/15 21:30:22

lol

Good high kick then a lovely follow through.

10/11/15 21:16:42

Typical bloody models always thinking they are the big ' I am'.

08/11/15 11:39:19

lol

"How long have you been dragging that old dog around Stan"?
"Hmmm let me see, well we got married in 1957".

03/11/15 1:31:23

They were in an on off relationship.

01/11/15 20:00:58

Police found the criminal 2 weeks later as fresh as the day he was caught.

30/10/15 12:47:48

lol

"Do you deliver"?
"Of course we do its over there by the kidneys".

02/10/15 12:59:40

lol

Tights in white satin.

19/09/16 15:15:07

Ah yes this is our parent company .

26/11/15 12:14:55

NOW will you stop feeding the bloody seagulls?

11/11/15 11:33:10

"Do you often come this way"?
"No I usually use the washing machine".

08/11/14 12:58:14

One hundred & eighty .

02/10/16 8:43:34

The shop was shut down 2 days later , it didn't have a licence to sell boos.

28/11/15 12:21:24

Tea chest.

12/11/15 20:03:38

Switching partners.

01/11/15 20:02:52

JC/DC

27/10/15 23:05:48

Police believe they are close to finding the stolen steamroller.

22/10/15 20:01:10

Snows patience had finally run out,Dopey had told the 7up joke for the last time.

22/08/14 12:27:31

Nothing looks worse than a bush sticking out of a skimpy pair of knickers.

27/06/14 15:00:27

Don't look back in anger.

04/10/14 11:30:35

Erik returned home victorious after a successful pillage of Bradford.

27/08/12 13:01:13

creative

Jane wonders which poor bastard has her rucksack as she discovers shes been carrying a parachute for the last 10 miles.

03/11/16 19:30:51

'The long arm of the law' was not a phrase Dave wanted to hear before a rectal examination.

10/10/16 8:15:20

Since the report conditions at sports direct have improved dramatically.

06/10/16 20:16:20

When you said you're going to draw a giant cock on that wall I didn't think you could pull it off.

22/11/15 13:53:19

Feline groovy.

16/11/15 20:32:51

Wait 5 mins and slice of toast pops out of her cleavage .

12/11/15 20:20:29

No one was ever going to take away his liberty.

11/11/15 12:01:05

The strap on appliance Dave had bought came as a huge disappointment to his wife.
.

29/10/15 12:02:42

After spending £40 and getting six balls in a milk churn Dave finally walked away with a prize.

24/10/15 12:41:05

This truly was the most horrific pumpkin the teenagers had ever seen .

24/10/15 8:12:41

There was always a group of buoys hanging around outside Janes shop.

23/10/15 9:12:02

Even in death Dave was always escorted by a couple of bouncers.

23/10/14 0:31:01

Signs of exhaustion.

17/10/14 17:13:31

One thing you can say about Jane is that she can hold a tune.

25/10/16 12:01:45

With 6 miles of pristine beach Dave still manages to stand in the only bit of dog shit.

18/10/16 12:02:06

"You're having a doll for Christmas "
"How the hell do you know that"
" I felt your presents"

10/10/16 20:22:30

creative

"New gloves, what happened to your last pair"?
"Rectum".

10/10/16 8:19:44

They decided to blow their budget and go upmarket rather than the usual week at Blackpool.

23/11/15 13:18:42

Although he knew he would never be as strong as his friends the kitten showed doghead determination.

25/10/15 13:11:40

Police suspected Jane was running a knocking shop.

13/11/14 19:22:27

Sun sikhers

26/09/14 12:13:30

"Yeah she,s definitely not wearing any".

22/08/14 12:23:22

lol

Dave was a perfectionist when it come to gardening,some said he was suffering from hoe.c.d.

12/06/14 19:35:19

Jane feared her husband would go ape shit when he saw how much stuff she had bought off amazon.

08/10/12 10:46:04

Cilla Blacks new denture was starting to take shape.

02/10/12 21:07:39

Shanghai H.G.V. test level one.

10/08/12 11:29:44

Coastline.

02/11/16 14:55:37

"Sorry babe I can't see you no more "
"What , you mean we're splitting up"?
"No it's your bloody hair I literally can't see you anymore ".

01/11/16 21:10:34

You have to be up at the crack of Dawn to get this shot.

04/10/16 13:18:39

I don't approve of sex in front of minors.

25/09/16 11:47:10

lol

"Have you come this way before"?
"Yes but it's usually when I reach the cobbled section".

16/12/15 18:17:03

High street.

28/10/15 10:31:44

Police cut backs cause mounted police and dog section to merge.

26/10/15 13:12:44

"Do you fancy playing a round"?
"Easy tiger we only met 3 minutes ago".

18/10/15 15:56:22

"Somebody ordered a taxi from Wetherspoons"?

28/12/14 13:26:18

"Ah yes I remember you,you used to be a right ugly little bastard".

21/12/14 17:28:36

Shark infested mortars.

23/10/14 21:10:31

"Sorry we will have to do a re-shoot the bloody robin has disappeared up Justins arse again".

23/10/14 14:42:46

Madonna , the inspector gadget years.

30/09/14 10:12:03

"What's up mate"?
" It started coffin and spluttering and I think it's
gone and blown a casket, trouble is I don't urn enough to get it fixed"

11/09/14 13:44:39

"Bugger that's the fourth mistake Iv'e made .Let me rub it out and start again".

13/08/14 15:02:13

Fire highgent.

08/06/14 16:10:33

Morph and his brother had really piled on the pounds on the buffalo wings diet.

08/11/12 13:01:33

The girl with the bad arm tattoo.

07/09/12 8:13:30

The box is in nice condition considering her age .

05/11/16 15:57:44

clever

Mum that thimble you ordered of Amazon has arrived .

02/11/16 21:07:40

Dave was sick of the plastic litter being left on the pavement outside his shop.

02/11/16 5:15:56

Silver surfer.

17/10/16 14:48:34

Dominocan Republic.

03/10/16 12:11:44

creative

Bollocks I suppose I'd better call a plumer.

01/10/16 21:25:25

Aisle candy.

19/09/16 20:52:55

"I've never seen such a brave cat".
"Yeah I know he completely lost his sight two years ago. I think it was about that time he got incredibly brave".

26/11/15 20:05:33

Ideal for a nice trip.

24/11/15 10:49:08

Madam button fly.

09/11/15 8:26:38

Nice clean platform,shiny floors,no litter, very quite(nobody wanted to mention the elephant in the room).

31/10/15 12:16:49

Dave was getting pissed of with everyone saying he looked like their double.

16/10/15 12:47:55

The size of some selfie sticks was getting way out of hand.

11/10/15 14:59:26

Dave finally found the entrance to the terminal.

02/12/14 16:17:17

Noel Edmonds was shocked by Columbia's version of deal or no deal.

20/11/14 9:02:44

The famous explorer Christopher Cumulonibus.

17/11/14 18:14:51

The seven wifi of Henry VII.

18/10/14 9:13:05

Ah yes I love a day out at molten towers.

18/10/14 9:07:28

Scrotal microwave damage, also known as " boil in the bag".

30/09/14 1:53:39

A dab of clearasil soon got rid of the blackheads.

20/09/14 11:59:01

The Welsh were giving England a slating again as usual.

19/09/14 20:07:45

Frostie the snowman had finally met the woman of his dreams.

16/09/14 20:17:25

All new employees had to take a high queue test.

14/09/14 23:09:08

creative

Under Groundhog Day.

12/09/14 8:18:39

Fairy god mugger.

31/07/14 20:01:54

The Glasgow zoo had strict guide lines the same rules apply to the Macgibbons,Macbaboons and the Macgorillas.

28/07/14 13:43:05

Dave finally got the shot he wanted,Peter Crouch did indeed have a bald patch.

29/06/14 13:39:30

He loved a game of cowboys and injuries.

06/11/12 20:18:47

A stiff drink

15/09/12 13:13:32

The casting couch.

03/09/12 17:30:58

Nice mare on Elm Street.

07/10/14 16:57:56

Chestnuts roasting by an open file.

30/09/14 1:37:05

Police soon picked up this injured bird , apparently it was an illeagle immigrant.

22/09/14 10:04:11

Disarmourment.

13/09/14 21:02:22

This week on an idiot aboard .

11/09/14 14:58:11

Dispatch rider.

11/09/14 9:59:34

The wedding was a big success,everyone who attended had a field day.

08/09/14 20:53:08

On the face off it this religion could be around for years or gone in sixty seconds.

31/08/14 14:05:44

Children can be very impressionable at this age.

25/08/14 17:37:50

This week on cant cook don't give a fuck.

25/10/12 15:42:12

Dave studied the map to get his ball bearings.

10/10/12 20:08:00

Dave consulted his sat nag.

07/10/12 13:15:43

Apparently they met on pepper grinder.

26/10/16 8:43:27

lol

Shower with tape on the wall

22/10/16 0:33:27

Pole dancers , grey pussies , just some of the searches in Wayne Rooney's google history.

14/10/16 20:08:04

Pail rider.

07/10/16 20:01:13

clever

Digital face recognition.

21/09/16 14:37:54

Not bad , I find I have to use a wizards hat.

17/09/16 9:41:01

An alien race.

12/12/15 16:18:52

Little squirts.

09/12/15 20:00:25

The camper van passed the acid test .

24/11/15 10:55:21

The annual haphephobia suffers dance was a huge success.

20/11/15 9:26:28

Anne Summers the Tupperware collection.

11/11/15 20:20:09

As used by the Pretenders .

09/11/15 12:28:06

Land of the guising son.

09/11/15 8:01:35

The kennel club refused to recognise it as a bonified breed.

01/11/15 12:02:23

As Dave made his way to Buckingham palace gates his mates got ready to text him with the news that the queen had not really died.

01/10/15 15:10:37

Just follow the path under the barbed wire,over the 10ft wall,through the mine field,and then abseil down the cliff,you cant miss it.

04/11/14 13:39:47

Jo would only smoke one Brand.

23/10/14 14:38:04

"Hi Leyroy , how's it hanging "?
" How the hell would I know "?

10/11/16 5:17:14

I think our attic might be a bit damp .

07/11/16 20:18:34

🎶Hungry eyes🎶

07/11/16 16:57:26

This man is a complete idiot with a total disregard for safety. For gods sake man where's your gloves.

20/10/16 21:09:22

Lawn of the dead .

17/10/16 20:00:41

She was fed up of being treated like a doormat.

09/10/16 8:54:04

Mum the hat rack has arrived.

29/09/16 20:24:49

Jane was in great shape .

22/09/16 14:36:13

A whiter shade of fail .

19/09/16 15:13:54

Pat hurriedly tried to hide the" how's my driving " sign on the back of his van .

25/08/16 19:54:16

The feminist version of Cinderella was shit.

05/12/15 20:53:59

Urgggh boots.

05/12/15 20:51:16

Coach party.

04/12/15 12:52:07

"Can we have some more assistance please there's about another 30 casualties on the bus that hit her"

27/11/15 20:44:38

Good job he keeps his mouth closed he might have swallowed a big bluebottle.

19/11/15 20:37:46

"I would give my right arm to be a lion trainer".

12/11/15 16:34:21

The problem had esculated they were now stealing the actual chip shop.

11/11/15 11:35:14

"I will have a vowel please Carol".

08/11/15 11:04:44

Antipeado suit.

07/11/15 16:52:41

After huge a huge success in shrek Antonio Banderas feels he is being type cast in the latest Star Wars episode.

30/10/15 20:56:27

The council decided it might be time to invest in a second recharging point.

30/10/15 9:50:40

"You had those new fangled air brakes fitted yet Mavis"?......Mavis???

23/10/15 14:59:53

I predict a riot, -----followed by men urinating in the street,lots of kebab eating and girls sitting on the curb crying.

18/10/15 21:03:54

The public were shocked to learn that even Bertie Basset had groupies.

16/10/15 6:07:14

L.G.V (light gourds vehicle).

15/10/15 13:33:17

Jane loved doing missionary work down by the marina.

13/09/15 15:57:57

Daves cock was visibly suffering from frost bite.

30/11/14 13:25:59

Donald Trump wigs 100% Alpaca.

08/11/14 9:21:05

"Oh dear I think I've had one of those wicker leaks everyone is talking about".

25/09/14 13:58:16

It was a very poor turn out for the conservatory party conference.

19/09/14 7:24:59

1920, face book is launched.

15/09/14 14:04:10

"Yeah,honestly its a lipstick try it on your lips".

01/09/14 20:01:37

Bit nippy out today.

01/09/14 12:05:24

The names Bronze James Bronze.

29/08/14 18:59:28

Horses for forces

27/07/14 13:41:15

This week on COAST uncensored.

02/07/14 12:20:03

It was months before police discovered where Thomas the tank engine was buried.

27/06/14 14:13:02

Having been informed the Oxfam official is in the village Ali covers his 52 inch plasma tv with a towel.

03/10/12 20:04:27

Dave suddenly noticed the ground floor flat had ordered a skip.

03/09/12 17:28:32

Man killed by a shovel mystery solved.

26/08/12 13:02:00

Bloody idiot, where's his high vis.

21/11/16 13:56:42

Battery acid in a squirting daisy, not one of coco's best ideas.

11/11/16 15:22:19

Just another victim of turf wars.

06/11/16 17:42:34

creative

Never let your children apply your makeup.

30/10/16 10:38:35

Hulk was pissed off that he didn't win the Easter bonnet contest.

22/10/16 16:11:46

Dress to depress.

04/10/16 20:27:58

"Why do you always get off on the 4th floor , when you know Davros ltd is on the 15th floor "?
" It's the highest button I can reach you bastards ".

04/10/16 10:46:17

lol

"Are you embarrassed to be seen with me"?
" Well you do look pretty stupid with that bag on your head"

02/10/16 20:04:19

🎶This is the rhythm of the light.🎶

26/09/16 13:30:28

Ah yes 'Peaches' I almost forgot the peaches.

19/09/16 20:31:56

With his large weapon grasped firmly in his hand Dave had his other hand free to hold his sword.

02/09/16 16:39:56

"Honey I'm home".

26/08/16 15:01:49

Hmmm I haven't been this wet between my legs standing against a wall since 1972.

10/12/15 15:32:50

Police release image of suspected drug paddler.

10/12/15 13:09:48

The koala/ giraffe interbreeding programme threw up some interesting results .

10/12/15 8:30:06

This should cure your grandmas constipation.

01/12/15 16:12:05

A white mare scenario.

25/11/15 8:44:26

We can still tell it's you Rolf.

18/11/15 9:22:50

I see the crowd have started scrapping again.

17/11/15 10:38:22

During their routine and the fact their tracksuits were 100% nylon,the girls would generate enough electricity to power a small village.

10/11/15 13:42:04

Harry is going to wank himself silly over this one thought Hermione.

08/11/15 12:49:52

Go shopping with a clean shirt on,don't think so.

05/11/15 19:29:22

The Big Bang query.

05/11/15 14:45:51