super vote: ( left this week)
Because Mrs Benson had been hiding under the bed at the time of the burglary, the line-up at Clacton police station was somewhat unusual.
17/04/17 7:35:16
Moira had decided to put all her marital problems on the back burner.
06/11/17 8:18:28
You don't see this on the continent.
15/10/17 11:44:22
"Excuse me, I'm looking for the hare products, please."
07/12/16 12:16:32
It's a goodyear for ducks.
18/09/17 11:07:48
Many selfies are ruined by seagulls with dodgy stomachs.
21/07/17 11:14:24
This picture's very fuzzy.
12/09/17 12:46:34
Ted's 'Iceland with the Northern Lights' holiday was a shambles.
07/09/17 20:24:03
The Mac with the Golden Bun.
10/04/17 19:08:23
Errol has a coke habit, but he doesn't get the shakes.
17/11/16 21:06:22
Available at all good farmacies.
10/11/17 21:37:10
Anyone for Limb Casserole?
06/11/17 8:04:22
'Right. Time to pee in the sink.'
23/10/17 20:08:48
Semi-detached with not a lot upstairs.
28/08/17 13:10:38
'Why is it always me who gets saddled with the kids?'
22/08/17 19:03:40
Ruff, Ruff ...
14/08/17 19:08:34
Sonflowers.
26/07/17 11:19:53
Sit on that pouf!Sit on this, dyke!
24/01/17 12:05:03
Saudis baffled by Boris Johnson's update on Aleppo.
16/12/16 8:08:27
The congregation was surprised to see an Adam and the Ants number in the hymn book
09/10/16 11:35:30
Poet Lorryeate.
22/09/17 19:13:12
This is awful. I'm going Chopin. Bach in a minute.
21/09/17 7:25:32
Minehead United's tribute to Princess Dianaspared no expense.
15/09/17 7:29:01
In a modern twist, Cinderella picked up a Chinese takeaway on the way home.
05/09/17 19:17:26
Ice lollies seem to be getting bigger.
21/08/17 7:21:52
Corn on the kerb
07/06/17 19:21:22
Margaret was confused. She was supposed to be getting a new kidney.
07/02/17 8:49:57
The fracas over the last mince pie led to some unseemly fisticuffs in the village of Piddly Bottom.
24/10/16 7:58:45
John looked forward to bringing up his son with relish.
27/10/17 7:17:33
Hound of the Basketballs.
26/10/17 7:04:05
'My best ever caption and not a single vote. Well, f**k 'em all. See if I care.'
23/08/17 7:59:44
They're clearly head over heels in love.
02/08/17 11:06:23
Wait till she shows everyone her ring ...
25/07/17 19:23:59
It's an easy place to find. It's near Table Mountain.
04/05/17 8:18:30
Prepare to DIY, Mr Bond.
29/04/17 7:29:23
The industrial revolution.
19/04/17 11:05:02
ELECTION FEVER GRIPS THE NATION!!!
18/04/17 11:20:56
Sick and tyred.
01/04/17 14:59:04
'I have to deliver the mail to that block.''How many letters?''Oh don't you start.'
06/02/17 13:06:40
You can easily get one of these at Carphone Whorehouse.
26/01/17 12:10:43
-Where's Donald ...?-He's at some Mickey Mouse event in Washington.
20/01/17 10:32:28
Welcome to Battery Dogs Home.
27/10/16 7:35:25
The parking bay for the Obesity Clinic was always in need of repair.
09/10/16 19:47:15
Stony-faced.
20/08/17 11:26:48
Holly cow!
20/07/17 19:41:53
Jenson Button's sister, Belly, brought shame on the family.
15/06/17 19:39:47
I mean, what IS the difference between Centigrade and Fahrenheit?
24/04/17 12:14:03
Nuremburgers.
03/04/17 11:50:17
This old, weather-beaten bird with piercing eyes and an angry brow is a long way from home, and would eat you alive. The other one is an eagle.
19/03/17 10:01:24
The UK Brexit team arrives in Brussels.
08/03/17 12:09:49
'The thing is, I'm going to need someone with incredibly big fingernails ...'
17/02/17 8:20:58
Some National Trust properties are less welcoming ...
31/01/17 9:24:29
Dump truck.
30/01/17 12:17:53
There's a zebra crossing in a minute.''Good. I'm starving.'
07/01/17 23:32:24
He's a Roaming Catholic.
17/12/16 8:41:43
Many tribesmen have a strong belief in the spirit world.
23/11/16 20:15:31
In the smallest pool, you can go wee wee wee, all the way home.
17/11/17 12:12:20
'It's not the first time I've had some animal sniffing around my bush' said Mrs Braithwaite.
26/10/17 7:26:11
Match.com of the day.
02/09/17 7:31:46
'Shall I put the food on your tab ...oh.'
22/08/17 11:22:03
I try to, but it's always too tired afterwards.
21/08/17 11:38:35
'They're yours madam for a small deposit.'
20/08/17 21:27:25
Odourfone.
16/07/17 19:20:38
It was when I tried to breastfeed him in Starbucks that someone called the police.
12/05/17 19:25:04
This is what YOU'd feel like if you had to handle your grandmother's underwear.
12/05/17 11:41:48
-There's a chicken, Mum. Shall we give him a lift?-No, don't count your chickens before they hitch.
03/05/17 7:37:24
'Grandad! I told you not to SKYPE me when you're doing that!'
28/02/17 20:58:34
The Isle of Man is desperate to keep visitors awake ...
20/02/17 12:21:19
'The Milky Way? I quite like the sound of that ... Byeee!'
11/01/17 8:27:21
Well, it's the nearest I'll ever get to a nice-looking Japanese model ...
21/11/16 20:38:55
"Dan's going to the party as a skeleton and I'm going as a post-modern take on a Kandinsky installation during his Futurist phase circa 1935."
16/11/16 21:24:51
Dorothy carries a sawn-off shotgun in Tarantino's new version of The Wizard of Oz
31/10/16 21:37:41
Hangladesh.
10/11/17 8:22:50
They've got some brass.
04/11/17 12:04:48
To turn it on, remove several layers of clothing.
29/10/17 20:27:03
'Madam ... have you ever made love to a store detective?'
22/09/17 7:31:15
Globetrotter.
19/09/17 8:04:02
I love looking at my wife wearing this stuff. If only she wore it too.
15/09/17 12:37:24
What a waist of good toys.
31/08/17 11:15:14
HS2: Cracks are starting to show.
25/08/17 11:13:20
Alan's decision to become Daphne was greatly helped by the £14.99 grow-your-own-jugs kit from Argos.
21/08/17 19:40:37
-Honeymoon?-OK. Let me turn round ...
25/07/17 19:27:39
It was bad enough having broccoli for dinner, but mushy peas tipped Becky over the edge.
19/07/17 11:21:34
And don't forget Ivanka the Terrible.
09/07/17 12:27:04
Many Poppins.
31/05/17 7:11:12
While Meg struggled with her five times table, Julie struggled to count her fingers.
14/05/17 19:30:17
The murders had dried up so Miss Marple had to resort to prostitution to make a living.
10/05/17 7:59:24
It had all been going well until he opened the door to Jehovah's Witnesses.
24/04/17 11:48:53
In about 40 years time, it'll be a dried-up, desolate, forbidding place, never to be visited by mankind again ...
13/04/17 12:54:06
-Interested in old Thai temples?-Yes Siam.
02/03/17 8:32:04
Maybe Dick
22/02/17 12:25:44
Diving into coffee sounds fun, but you could die in an instant.
06/02/17 20:53:44
He's innocent. He's been framed.
06/02/17 8:31:00
Hello, 999? This is Mrs Gascoigne ...
02/02/17 9:30:19
That bastard's nicked my design. I bet he's one of those captioning freaks you hear so much about.
13/01/17 12:12:30
'Yes, everything's the same as usual. I'm just masturbating on the pavement outside the supermarket.'
08/11/17 12:14:50
Eric was sick to death of standing by the lake with a bag of crumbs. He was taking them straight to Greggs.
05/11/17 20:28:52
Helen had always been rubbish at Hide and Seek.
05/11/17 12:29:24
Jo's down in the dumps.
05/11/17 12:05:57
So that's where Ronnie Corbett was buried ...
03/11/17 8:27:30
135 - 144 125 - 134 115 - 124 105 - 114 95 - 104 85 - 94 75 - 84 65 - 74 55 - 64 45 - 54 35 - 44 25 - 34 15 - 24 5 - 14 1 - 4
Mine usually are. But this one's plugging the gap (so to speak). :)
comment on caption: You don't see this on the continent. [Jonathan Allsopp]
It seems to be holding its own
Thanks Mr Dome. Yes, I think I've got this one in the bag.
Best of the month so far!
Thanks John. Like her, I can hardly contain myself.
Catch of the Day??
comment on caption: Yep, that's me and the wife watching Match of the Day. [Jonathan Allsopp]
Well, if you look anything like this fella, I think you're gorgeous too. LOL
comment on caption: Some women are attracted to freakish looking animals. Ask my wife. [Jonathan Allsopp]
Put it this way. It's either write captions or leave home.
I like your wife. If she wants me to move in alpaca your bags.
Helen had always been crap at Hide and Seek?
comment on caption: Helen had always been rubbish at Hide and Seek. [Jonathan Allsopp]
Mine usually are. But this one's plugging the gap (so to speak). :)
5:03pm
comment on caption:
You don't see this on the continent. [Jonathan Allsopp]
It seems to be holding its own
1:08pm
comment on caption:
You don't see this on the continent. [Jonathan Allsopp]
Thanks Mr Dome. Yes, I think I've got this one in the bag.
1:15pm
comment on caption:
You don't see this on the continent. [Jonathan Allsopp]
Best of the month so far!
5:42pm
comment on caption:
You don't see this on the continent. [Jonathan Allsopp]
Thanks John. Like her, I can hardly contain myself.
10:43am
comment on caption:
You don't see this on the continent. [Jonathan Allsopp]
Catch of the Day??
9:08pm
comment on caption:
Yep, that's me and the wife watching Match of the Day. [Jonathan Allsopp]
Well, if you look anything like this fella, I think you're gorgeous too. LOL
8:27pm
comment on caption:
Some women are attracted to freakish looking animals. Ask my wife. [Jonathan Allsopp]
Put it this way. It's either write captions or leave home.
8:29pm
comment on caption:
Some women are attracted to freakish looking animals. Ask my wife. [Jonathan Allsopp]
I like your wife. If she wants me to move in alpaca your bags.
8:29pm
comment on caption:
Some women are attracted to freakish looking animals. Ask my wife. [Jonathan Allsopp]
Helen had always been crap at Hide and Seek?
1:59pm
comment on caption:
Helen had always been rubbish at Hide and Seek. [Jonathan Allsopp]