lol creative clever

Because Mrs Benson had been hiding under the bed at the time of the burglary, the line-up at Clacton police station was somewhat unusual.

17/04/17 8:35:16

Moira had decided to put all her marital problems on the back burner.

06/11/17 8:18:28

clever x4

You don't see this on the continent.

15/10/17 12:44:22

"Excuse me, I'm looking for the hare products, please."

07/12/16 12:16:32

clever

It's a goodyear for ducks.

18/09/17 12:07:48

lol x2

Many selfies are ruined by seagulls with dodgy stomachs.

21/07/17 12:14:24

This picture's very fuzzy.

12/09/17 13:46:34

Ted's 'Iceland with the Northern Lights' holiday was a shambles.

07/09/17 21:24:03

creative clever

The Mac with the Golden Bun.

10/04/17 20:08:23

clever

Errol has a coke habit, but he doesn't get the shakes.

17/11/16 21:06:22

Available at all good farmacies.

10/11/17 21:37:10

Anyone for Limb Casserole?

06/11/17 8:04:22

lol

'Right. Time to pee in the sink.'

23/10/17 21:08:48

Semi-detached with not a lot upstairs.

28/08/17 14:10:38

'Why is it always me who gets saddled with the kids?'

22/08/17 20:03:40

Ruff, Ruff ...

14/08/17 20:08:34

Sonflowers.

26/07/17 12:19:53

Sit on that pouf!
Sit on this, dyke!

24/01/17 12:05:03

lol

Saudis baffled by Boris Johnson's update on Aleppo.

16/12/16 8:08:27

lol x2

The congregation was surprised to see an Adam and the Ants number in the hymn book

09/10/16 12:35:30

Poet Lorryeate.

22/09/17 20:13:12

clever

This is awful. I'm going Chopin. Bach in a minute.

21/09/17 8:25:32

lol

Minehead United's tribute to Princess Diana
spared no expense.

15/09/17 8:29:01

In a modern twist, Cinderella picked up a Chinese takeaway on the way home.

05/09/17 20:17:26

Ice lollies seem to be getting bigger.

21/08/17 8:21:52

Corn on the kerb

07/06/17 20:21:22

lol

Margaret was confused. She was supposed to be getting a new kidney.

07/02/17 8:49:57

lol x2

The fracas over the last mince pie led to some unseemly fisticuffs in the village of Piddly Bottom.

24/10/16 8:58:45

John looked forward to bringing up his son with relish.

27/10/17 8:17:33

Hound of the Basketballs.

26/10/17 8:04:05

clever

'My best ever caption and not a single vote. Well, f**k 'em all. See if I care.'

23/08/17 8:59:44

They're clearly head over heels in love.

02/08/17 12:06:23

Wait till she shows everyone her ring ...

25/07/17 20:23:59

It's an easy place to find. It's near Table Mountain.

04/05/17 9:18:30

Prepare to DIY, Mr Bond.

29/04/17 8:29:23

The industrial revolution.

19/04/17 12:05:02

ELECTION FEVER GRIPS THE NATION!!!

18/04/17 12:20:56

Sick and tyred.

01/04/17 15:59:04

'I have to deliver the mail to that block.'
'How many letters?'
'Oh don't you start.'

06/02/17 13:06:40

You can easily get one of these at Carphone Whorehouse.

26/01/17 12:10:43

-Where's Donald ...?
-He's at some Mickey Mouse event in Washington.

20/01/17 10:32:28

Welcome to Battery Dogs Home.

27/10/16 8:35:25

The parking bay for the Obesity Clinic was always in need of repair.

09/10/16 20:47:15

Stony-faced.

20/08/17 12:26:48

Holly cow!

20/07/17 20:41:53

Jenson Button's sister, Belly, brought shame on the family.

15/06/17 20:39:47

I mean, what IS the difference between Centigrade and Fahrenheit?

24/04/17 13:14:03

Nuremburgers.

03/04/17 12:50:17

This old, weather-beaten bird with piercing eyes and an angry brow is a long way from home, and would eat you alive. The other one is an eagle.

19/03/17 10:01:24

The UK Brexit team arrives in Brussels.

08/03/17 12:09:49

'The thing is, I'm going to need someone with incredibly big fingernails ...'

17/02/17 8:20:58

Some National Trust properties are less welcoming ...

31/01/17 9:24:29

Dump truck.

30/01/17 12:17:53

There's a zebra crossing in a minute.'
'Good. I'm starving.'

07/01/17 23:32:24

He's a Roaming Catholic.

17/12/16 8:41:43

Many tribesmen have a strong belief in the spirit world.

23/11/16 20:15:31

In the smallest pool, you can go wee wee wee, all the way home.

17/11/17 12:12:20

'It's not the first time I've had some animal sniffing around my bush' said Mrs Braithwaite.

26/10/17 8:26:11

Match.com of the day.

02/09/17 8:31:46

'Shall I put the food on your tab ...oh.'

22/08/17 12:22:03

I try to, but it's always too tired afterwards.

21/08/17 12:38:35

'They're yours madam for a small deposit.'

20/08/17 22:27:25

lol

Odourfone.

16/07/17 20:20:38

It was when I tried to breastfeed him in Starbucks that someone called the police.

12/05/17 20:25:04

This is what YOU'd feel like if you had to handle your grandmother's underwear.

12/05/17 12:41:48

-There's a chicken, Mum. Shall we give him a lift?
-No, don't count your chickens before they hitch.

03/05/17 8:37:24

'Grandad! I told you not to SKYPE me when you're doing that!'

28/02/17 20:58:34

The Isle of Man is desperate to keep visitors awake ...

20/02/17 12:21:19

'The Milky Way? I quite like the sound of that ... Byeee!'

11/01/17 8:27:21

lol

Well, it's the nearest I'll ever get to a nice-looking Japanese model ...

21/11/16 20:38:55

"Dan's going to the party as a skeleton and I'm going as a post-modern take on a Kandinsky installation during his Futurist phase circa 1935."

16/11/16 21:24:51

lol

Dorothy carries a sawn-off shotgun in Tarantino's new version of The Wizard of Oz

31/10/16 21:37:41

Hangladesh.

10/11/17 8:22:50

They've got some brass.

04/11/17 12:04:48

To turn it on, remove several layers of clothing.

29/10/17 20:27:03

lol

'Madam ... have you ever made love to a store detective?'

22/09/17 8:31:15

Globetrotter.

19/09/17 9:04:02

I love looking at my wife wearing this stuff. If only she wore it too.

15/09/17 13:37:24

What a waist of good toys.

31/08/17 12:15:14

HS2: Cracks are starting to show.

25/08/17 12:13:20

Alan's decision to become Daphne was greatly helped by the £14.99 grow-your-own-jugs kit from Argos.

21/08/17 20:40:37

-Honeymoon?
-OK. Let me turn round ...

25/07/17 20:27:39

It was bad enough having broccoli for dinner, but mushy peas tipped Becky over the edge.

19/07/17 12:21:34

And don't forget Ivanka the Terrible.

09/07/17 13:27:04

Many Poppins.

31/05/17 8:11:12

lol

While Meg struggled with her five times table, Julie struggled to count her fingers.

14/05/17 20:30:17

The murders had dried up so Miss Marple had to resort to prostitution to make a living.

10/05/17 8:59:24

It had all been going well until he opened the door to Jehovah's Witnesses.

24/04/17 12:48:53

In about 40 years time, it'll be a dried-up, desolate, forbidding place, never to be visited by mankind again ...

13/04/17 13:54:06

-Interested in old Thai temples?
-Yes Siam.

02/03/17 8:32:04

lol

Maybe Dick

22/02/17 12:25:44

clever

Diving into coffee sounds fun, but you could die in an instant.

06/02/17 20:53:44

He's innocent. He's been framed.

06/02/17 8:31:00

lol

Hello, 999? This is Mrs Gascoigne ...

02/02/17 9:30:19

That bastard's nicked my design. I bet he's one of those captioning freaks you hear so much about.

13/01/17 12:12:30

'Yes, everything's the same as usual. I'm just masturbating on the pavement outside the supermarket.'

08/11/17 12:14:50

Eric was sick to death of standing by the lake with a bag of crumbs. He was taking them straight to Greggs.

05/11/17 20:28:52

Helen had always been rubbish at Hide and Seek.

05/11/17 12:29:24

Jo's down in the dumps.

05/11/17 12:05:57

So that's where Ronnie Corbett was buried ...

03/11/17 8:27:30