Michael Winner

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Comments	2	2	#5	1817	998	#8
Forum Posts	2			76

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captions

	lol clever "This week, on 'Taking a Selfie Using a Galaxy Note 7'..." 15/06/19 12:55:33	28

	lol clever x2 Caution: Chinese Dragon costume thieves operate in this area. 01/05/18 20:16:15	27

	lol x2 creative It was several weeks before his landlady realised he'd left without paying. 29/12/14 20:12:10	2 26
The following is not a joke; it's a compliment: If you show this image to a thousand people, 950 would just scratch their heads, 49 would make SOME sense out of it...and one, maybe just ONE would be funny. Congratulations! Nice caption, which is ... --Greg Curtis
	lol x2 "...so I said, 'what ceiling fan?'..." 18/04/19 20:37:57	5 25
Keep chuckling to this a lot. Itâ€™s a brilliant caption ðŸ˜ƒ --Karen Oakenfull
	lol x2 "How will I recognise you?" 09/11/17 20:34:07	18 25
Woo woo! Thanks for the comments and the votes everyone! --Michael Winner
	creative x4 A mass grave of unknown snowmen. 05/02/14 8:00:09	6 25
Fitting old jokes to captions isn't what I would do personally but each to their own, there's a big difference between getting inspiration from an old joke and then adapting it and citing an old gag word for word. A nod to the original is good f... --Shandonbelle
	lol "Permission to speak, Captain Mainwaring sir..." 24/03/14 20:00:55	24

	creative clever West Cider Story. 22/03/16 12:03:32	1 24
â™« I feel slitty, oh so slitty â™« --Boycie
	lol x5 "Nigella! Have you been on the coke again?" 15/12/13 8:30:56	1 23
Now we know who's really behind the exhibits in Charles Saatchi's gallery. Damien Hurst? Tracy Emin? Neither can match the creativity of Nigella on coke. --Mark England
	"Young man, about these airbags you fitted for me..." 13/07/12 20:00:06	1 23

	lol clever Before the invention of video games, we had to play the analogue version of Space Invaders. 18/01/17 13:36:29	22

	creative x2 clever They have taken the holy vowels. 09/03/15 12:01:50	22

	lol x2 creative In-turd. 06/05/14 20:24:46	22

	lol "Hello, Abbey Taxis? I saw your advert and I'd like to apply for the job"¦" 02/05/14 8:00:07	22

	lol Top tip: when your pets die, have them stuffed and turned into croquet hoops. 13/08/20 12:01:10	21

	lol x2 creative Eventually they tried other projectiles, but by then the name had stuck: 'catapult'. 20/07/15 8:04:20	21

	creative In an Espace, no one can hear you scream. 23/06/14 8:04:48	21

	This could spell disaster. 03/10/21 20:33:32	20

	lol Her thighs follow you around the room. 12/10/17 20:18:45	20


lol creative 12/06/16 12:00:44		12 20
Haha, thanks everyone, my first win, woowoo! --Michael Winner
	"What do you want? I'm on the phone." 20/01/14 20:01:08	20

	clever Absolut beginner. 16/11/21 20:04:06	19

	Coat of arms. 05/09/21 20:24:51	19

	lol MPs call to ban dangerous new sport of air jousting. 11/01/16 8:03:09	19

	lol "What's that, Lassie? There's a nuclear weapon about to go off, and we've only got six seconds to-" 01/11/15 12:00:22	19

	"He won't negotiate, sir- he says he's going to blow up everyone in the building." 11/06/14 20:07:36	2 19
They would probably need a blow by blow account once it's all over. --Boycie
	Accountants. 17/04/14 20:00:07	19

	lol x2 Although it was invented in 1862, it wasn't until 1914 that the Land Mine was first used correctly. 14/11/13 8:27:34	19

	lol Mirror, mirror, mirror, mirror, mirror, mirror, mirror, mirror, mirror, signal, manoeuvre. 21/07/13 8:09:59	19

	Dave was beside himself with fear. 15/07/12 20:10:09	19

	Wife beater. 08/05/14 12:00:55	18

	creative No socks please, we're British. 16/03/14 20:00:21	18

	Botox- know when to stop. 12/02/14 12:01:14	18

	You may laugh, but the Swiss Army have ordered fifty. 27/10/12 9:00:37	3 18

	clever "GOAL!" 07/01/19 13:36:53	2 18

	"Damn- I ordered a Bulldozer." 04/08/18 20:24:12	18

	Roger Fedora. 17/09/16 8:01:26	18

	Later on, it transforms into a sea bed. 03/10/15 20:04:59	18

	clever "Dave, that's not what I meant when I asked you to sync the files." 02/02/15 12:04:02	18

	lol creative After the first few years, Peter Parker realised that decapitating his enemies, eating their bodies and displaying their stuffed and mounted heads on his bedroom wall was, perhaps, taking vigilante justice a little too far. 08/12/14 20:05:08	1 18
Funny, I was just typing the exact same caption! ....Just kidding. VERY creative. --Greg Curtis
	clever Peter Parkour. 04/06/21 20:09:53	17

	Quack Lives Matter. 17/05/21 8:20:19	17

	"Haven't you forgotten something?", asked the Fencing judge. 10/01/21 14:13:36	2 17
Foiled again. --John Glover
	That awful moment when you realise that you are the PiÃ±ata. 11/08/20 8:37:19	17

	"The inspiration for it came when I dropped a tomato." 18/09/19 8:13:56	17

	creative "I don't know how to thank you- one course of acupuncture and the pain is completely gone." 11/08/18 8:40:54	17

	clever Fedora the Explorer. 20/06/18 10:19:43	17

	Purrito. 22/08/17 12:00:18	17

	clever "Oooh, I see there's a new Polish family moved in." 16/01/17 12:13:08	17

	"Ok, ok! We'll go bloody shoe shopping." 05/01/17 20:11:31	17


lol x3 01/10/16 20:11:15		10 17
I've never had a McFlurry. I don't think I'll bother now! ;) --Pussy Galore
	Escapegoat. 08/07/15 8:04:48	17

	"Virgin Trains hope that the cancellation of the carriages, engine, crew, buffet car and replacement bus service did not affect your enjoyment of today's journey." 26/08/14 20:01:50	17

	Shadow Boxer. 20/07/14 12:00:05	3 17
You beat me to it! --Michael Monkhouse
	They must be good- the eyes follow you around the room"¦ and out of the gallery"¦ and up the road"¦ 05/07/14 8:03:11	17

	creative "Scarper lads- it's the Copse." 24/03/14 20:00:11	17

	Day-return of the Jedi. 24/05/13 8:00:14	17

	creative x2 "Pull harder Granddad, we're still miles from the nearest petrol station." 08/01/13 12:00:06	17

	"Dave, you're pathetic. You just lie there and let people walk all over you." 07/12/12 8:08:27	17

	When it's sunny, this sundial displays the time in four continents. 03/12/12 8:03:24	2 17

	Gok, Paper, Scissors. 25/10/12 20:39:54	9 17

	I'm really not sure about these new McDonalds urinals. 26/09/12 8:02:39	17

	Electrocute. 20/10/21 8:06:16	16

	creative clever x2 "I've had it with these mtherfucking babies on this mtherfucking plain." 09/08/21 20:27:15	5 16
It's based on a line from "Snakes on a Plane", John: "I've had it with these motherfuckin' snakes on this motherfuckin' plane!"Interestingly, the movie was hyped up big time thanks to Samuel L. Jackson refusing to follow studio... --James Lennox
	After 1936, the Olympics committee removed the Hitler-salute-o-hurdle event. 04/07/21 12:00:10	2 16
It was heily irregular. --Al Overy
	"Dammit- we should have checked before giving him a fixed cost for the Back, Sack and Crack." 24/07/20 8:15:44	16

	Sunday Warship. 12/07/19 8:10:14	16

	"Let us give tanks to the Lord." 12/07/19 8:00:06	16

	creative "Note to self: remember to tell Mrs Dawson not to move the furniture around when I'm returning from my time travel experiments." 08/07/19 20:14:47	16

	lol "What do you mean, I'm adopted?" 08/09/18 12:26:53	16

	They should ban these novelty suitcases. 01/09/18 13:01:09	16

	Where's Yolk-o? 02/04/18 12:00:35	16

	Nobody, but nobody, was going to take Dave's pizza box. 02/01/18 13:12:01	2 16
Dave wonâ€™t be happy --Mr Dome
	"Come on everyone, dig in." 01/09/16 12:00:58	16

	This hairstyle is inconceivable. 08/11/15 20:00:39	16

	Police Escort. 30/08/15 12:00:08	16

	Hobocop. 11/03/15 8:35:03	16

	creative clever The Henry Ford colour chart. 08/01/15 20:04:40	1 16
Dark and ride. --John Glover
	"Damn, we were close that time. Ok lads, let's try that tortoise pyramid again"¦" 14/09/14 8:01:16	16

	lol creative "I had my doubts, but you were right", screamed Dave- 'this is the best funeral ever!" 02/08/14 12:07:10	16

	creative Woolly Jumpers. 24/07/14 8:01:33	16

	People are always surprised to find out that Google Earth is just this guy on a big ladder. 29/06/14 12:36:44	16

	creative Once a Guantanamo Bay inmate, always a Guantanamo Bay inmate. 15/06/14 8:25:43	16

	creative x2 Even as children they would rehearse the act that would eventually make them famous as 'Madness'. 03/06/14 20:01:49	16

	"Dave, we need to talk- that's the fifteenth pizza that's disappeared before delivery this week." 28/05/14 20:08:40	16

	Dave was a bit of a loose Canon. 13/04/14 20:00:06	16

	As you can see, there's quite a queue at feeding time. 01/03/14 8:01:18	16

	"Aw, crap- it's August, I must have overslept." 24/07/13 8:36:26	16

	"That's odd", thought Dave, "I'm absolutely certain that I only put two in there"¦" 05/04/13 20:02:54	16

	Glampax. 25/01/13 8:00:06	16

	"Well, you'll just keep going on about your tax payments until you're... Oh." 06/05/12 20:03:08	2 16

	Squashages 08/10/11 13:15:25	1 16

	creative 'Police have announced the discovery of a body in their search for Dave Phillips, missing Human Cannonball.' 05/10/14 12:22:49	15

	lol "Well, there's your problem right there, mate- your oil tank is full of fish." 28/09/14 12:06:27	2 15
Shell fish? --John Glover
	🎵 There's a troll in my bucket, dear Liza, dear Liza 🎵 09/07/14 8:00:14	15

	lol Outside of racing season, Jockeys often take up casual work. 19/06/14 12:00:11	15

	creative "Forty braves"¦ on horseback"¦ approaching from north"¦" 19/06/14 8:09:01	1 15
Super caption. --John Glover
	"Yep- she's a witch." 29/05/14 8:00:08	15

	The Cloned Ranger. 25/03/14 8:00:08	15

	"Now, where did I leave those memory foam mattresses?" 07/02/14 8:02:24	15

more captions

last comments (total: 702)

Please see 12:02:29

[anon]

10/10/21
1:51pm

comment on caption:
"We meet again, Mr Tasty leg." [Michael Winner]

They're everywhere. Don't you see?

Glyn Evans

29/10/21
11:23pm

comment on caption:
This is Dave, and his six Ninja mates. [Michael Winner]

The best way to protect the community from kiddy fiddlers is by tooling up your kids. I'm getting mine a machete for his next birthday, he can't lift it yet but I figured if I fix it to the pram I can shank suspected paedos if they get too close.

Glyn Evans

06/11/21
9:51am