James Lennox

"Luke, I am your farmer."

23/03/19 8:46:34

Haha. I don't mind chipping in a tenner for second place (it definitely will not be one of mine)!! Great caption. Genuinely choked on my toast. So thanks for nearly killing me! --The Wolf

£50
WINNER

lol x2

Wash his hands hopefully.

clever x2

22/01/19 8:22:17

Thanks Dave and everyone else. Chuffed to be on the board and loving the spirit of Caption.me. Will continue to represent the hobbits down here in NZ. Cheers all. --James Lennox

This public gathering is just asking to get Corona.

12/05/20 7:16:32

£50
WINNER

"What do you think Dave?"

"Well Sir, it looks like some sort of large grey box."

creative x2

28/04/20 19:23:57

First off, I'd like to thank the Academy ... no but seriously, thanks to Chris for picking #3 (I too preferred it to my other), and kudos to Smuldo for being equal #1. Thanks also to Mr. Dome for his "BeeSI: Miami", which forced me to edit my ... --James Lennox

Javelins should only be thrown outdoors.

03/02/20 12:00:41

The good news is she was standing just past the world record distance. --Willie Johnson

I have a strange urge to whack her with an oversize rubber mallet.

17/11/20 9:17:11

The cheap seats at the opera are OK. Just make sure you duck when they turn the spotlights on.

31/07/20 7:09:57

Harold always believed the son shone out of his arse.

27/08/20 7:00:40

If dodos had been better jugglers they wouldn't be extinct.

08/02/20 12:00:17

21/05/19 11:00:27

It was a beautiful wedding, but the honeymoon in France didn't end well.

01/03/19 20:13:39

Nobody makes better balloon animals than Dave.

Kiwi fruit

27/11/20 8:36:38

😂😂😂 I’ve since looked at a Kiwi bird on Images and now it all makes sense and it’s a brilliant caption. I couldn’t stop laughing when I saw what the Kiwi bird looked like. I am going to lol this caption because it’s funny and clev... --Karen Oakenfull

29/09/20 19:15:41

Always start with a blowfish --Al Overy

Giving up smoking, diary entry day 23: Either I'm starting to hallucinate or my wife is a bitch.

03/03/19 20:47:18

No she’s not, she menthol 🙃 --Karen Oakenfull

"Quick! Straighten the sign!"

14/12/20 8:05:11

Barbie hasn't changed much in the last 60 years. Ken on the other hand ...

24/11/20 8:17:40

Well that's interesting and disturbing Willie. I bet Ken's namesake had a fun childhood growing up as the kid who has a penis-less incestuous plastic doll named after him. --James Lennox

Always buy your catnip from a trusted source.

08/09/20 13:23:56

Looks like the match went to sudden death.

17/07/19 7:30:33

"Hey guys, just wondering, if it's not too much trouble, if maybe, just maybe, I could get a bigger litter tray?"

12/04/20 7:01:39

"... and then he took his shirt off and things started to get weird."

09/04/20 19:40:08

No animals were harmed during the making of this picture, but some were highly pissed off.

25/03/20 8:07:25

"No animals were harmed" - just someone's dignity. --Willie Johnson

"Ok Dave, you create a diversion while I steal the mini."

09/01/20 12:14:25

"Stick out your tongue Gulliver. STICK OUT YOUR TONGUE!"

Lilliputian torturers are nasty little bastards.

05/12/19 8:04:18

"Look at that old lady swallowing a fly. Should we avoid her?"

"Nah, looks like she's chasing a spider now. We should be fine."

02/09/19 7:57:49

"One way or another Monsieur, you will leave a tip."

05/03/19 12:24:57

"Well Sir, we don't actually need to strip search you, but we do appreciate your eagerness to cooperate."

15/02/19 20:16:18

lol x2

This takes me back to the old days before internet porn, when the centrespread in National Geographic would have to suffice.

17/12/20 20:34:15

We've all hugged the toilet once or twice in our lives. Susan, however, took it to a whole new level.

29/03/20 8:17:00

Funny, I dated a vegetarian once and she didn't like little willies.

01/03/20 8:37:20

"Good thinking Ahmed, this trip across the Sahara will be much better with air-conditioning."

16/02/20 20:03:32

And in his spare time Spiderman helps Gulliver floss.

07/02/20 13:01:19

Upon returning from a piss, Dave suddenly realised he'd re-entered the auditorium through the wrong door.

21/12/20 8:40:26

Deer Lord...

06/12/20 20:00:51

I wish we could return to the good old days, when women took ironing seriously.

10/09/20 7:21:35

It's obviously a Salvador Baalí.

07/09/20 7:00:36

That awkward first date moment, when she wants you to regurgitate food into her mouth, but you're not sure if you should.

19/07/20 7:14:06

You'd think that no matter how inebriated someone got, that they wouldn't eat someone else's vomit - however it wouldn't surprise me if someone somewhere had a story like that to tell. --Glyn Evans

The top half looks good, but dig a little deeper and you'll find she's got crabs.

29/05/20 19:14:51

Warning, terrible pun ahead, brace yourselves.

24/03/20 20:24:26

OrthoDON'Tics --Scrijjy Doo

My wife wanted a baby, I wanted a fridge magnet, we compromised.

26/06/19 7:00:40

Scientists at CERN say it's nothing to worry about.

23/03/19 13:42:05

He's been driving around in circles for ages.

20/02/19 12:00:19

Dave loved riding lightning rods during hurricanes. He did it well. We'll miss you Dave.

Thu 8:07:10

Please change it back. I thought "We'll miss you Dave" was punchier, but you decide. --Glyn Evans

It's a wonder of nature how sunflowers always turn to face the camera.

08/11/20 20:09:23

"Honey, remember how 9 months ago I told you I was abducted by aliens..."

29/09/20 7:03:18

When your remote falls down the back of the pouch.

24/08/20 11:05:55

Gloves and mask are required PPE - Lab coat is optional.

30/04/20 7:03:23

I hope to move here, I'm sick of living in Wanking.

16/04/20 19:19:03

To: parents@gmail.com
"I have your children. Will exchange for 6 rolls of bog paper and a bottle of hand sanitiser. Do you agree with these terms?"

To: kidnapper@gmail.com
"Nah, keep them."

31/03/20 12:07:22

Pareidolia is a psychological phenomenon that causes people to see faces in everyday things, unless you're a Captioneer and then you see tits and penises.

Hot Tin Roof on a Cat

20/03/20 12:38:53

(I like it the way it is.) --Crunchy Chords

27/02/20 20:12:02

If you're a captioneer, there actually ARE faces in everyday things. --Willie Johnson

Never give bubblegum to your dog.

16/01/20 23:35:44

Well played Mr Lennox. Brilliant caption! --Karyn Harrison

Well, the ventriloquism was good, but have you thought about getting a smaller dummy?

04/09/19 7:02:16

"No Sweetie, put it down ... we have to cook it first."

20/08/19 19:00:13

Had the same idea but decided to change mine slightly at the last minute! (damn it)! Here, have a vote, I've disguised my vote as a golf ball, ready, steady, FORE...smack, (sails through the trees and down the fairway like meteor destined for hap... --The Wolf

I retract my earlier caption: THIS is the tackiest toilet I've ever seen.

24/04/19 19:09:10

Replace your groin armour now Stormtrooper #66!

26/01/19 12:12:44

"Well, that's the last time I chase Santa up the chimney."

30/12/20 20:02:32

rg;;oij gapo htm'm thejioj; astj ast garg ,.o g oh nagi ,ngauh greopq gihn kl;ma iyk q.,

... Shit, turns out I have to look at the keyboard to type.

08/08/20 7:06:12

"Hello sailor, do you need a tug?"

26/06/20 11:00:35

Dirty bitch has been frigging in rigging again.Bye the way send the Missus home when you've done with her please I need my dinner. --Flo .

Say goodbye to costly toilet paper!

Say hello to costly wallpaper!

09/04/20 11:01:41

Yet another sensible reason why every American should own a gun.

Triplicat

17/03/20 8:27:18

20/02/20 20:30:21

Nothing says Prince of Demonic Evil like a V-neck sweater.

24/01/20 8:04:46

"A little help here guys, this damn sign's heavy."

12/01/20 20:00:48

It's weird how in every group of friends there's always one muppet.

16/12/19 8:00:53

Damn. I'm an atheist.

21/11/19 20:00:24

Thank God for that. --Chris Halliwell

How much is that Dobby in the window?

08/10/19 19:00:10

"It's fine. Don't mind me. Pretend I'm not here. Go back to sleep."

28/07/19 7:00:16

The photo doesn't show how truly impressive this is. They're actually jumping it backwards.

30/06/19 7:13:44

Due to recent controversy, all red-headed children must be blurred in photos.

10/05/19 7:01:23

"Menstrual cycle - Mood. Do you understand now?"

26/01/19 9:26:11

"Honey, our daughter's 21st is not an ideal time to play with your sex doll."

07/01/21 12:29:09

Well, that proves it. Cats have no idea how to erect a tent.

12/11/20 20:33:02

Given the alternative I think I'd grind my own organ too.

20/10/20 7:10:11

"Damn, that bridge was lower than I thought."

29/09/20 11:08:51

"Give it up kid, with these ears I'm never going to fly."

24/06/20 11:12:30

The shipment of ultra powerful magnets was going smoother than Dave had expected.

20/04/20 19:38:59

Sally and Ted were high school sweethearts and she had been fiercely loyal to him for twenty years, apart from that one time she screwed Satan.

08/03/20 8:08:58

They might be on to a winner with Satan if the child in the hat is their regular offspring. --Glyn Evans

♪ All I Want For Crispness Is You ♪

06/02/20 20:00:10

Mariah Crispness (belatedly, or extremely early). --Willie Johnson

Typical bloody Captioneers. Post a beautiful photo of a hummingbird and you're lucky to get a dozen captions, but put up a pic of a giant inflatable penis and you can't shut the bastards up.

31/01/20 20:44:28

"F*ck it's cold," said the Red Dragon.

18/12/19 20:19:08

He's clearly bananas.

29/11/19 8:16:57

"And the winner of this year's Baptist Church Hide and Seek competition is ... God ... again."

07/11/19 20:00:18

Highland fling

30/10/19 8:17:06

She's a bit tall and bald, but I'd have her.

28/10/19 12:07:30

Needless to say, the bridesmaids were not happy.

27/10/19 12:08:41

Copycat

[Nod 12:00:09 & 12:00:10]

06/10/19 12:33:58

I love that there are 3 copycats. Brilliant. --Dan Nicholls

A Wedding and Two Funerals.

25/09/19 7:27:31

This explains how Jason came back from the dead 8 times.

02/09/19 19:02:22

"Don't worry about it mate, that water was bloody cold."

21/08/19 7:09:52

That sinking feeling when you're about to become extinct.

02/06/19 7:00:40

Holy Shit

27/05/19 11:00:10

That's the tackiest toilet seat I've ever seen.

24/04/19 7:01:27

Oscar Pistorius' latest escape attempt.

10/04/19 12:07:25

It's no mean feet --Mr Dome

"Grandmother, what big eyes you have."

08/04/19 11:00:22

... of Driving into Miss Daisy.

05/04/19 11:33:19

The problem has been the red pen. If we switch to a green one things will improve.

26/01/19 8:33:37

"Yes, my paw has been stuck to the steering wheel. No, I'm not going to elaborate on the type of adhesive used."

28/11/20 8:42:50

"Candy? Is that you?"

"No."

22/10/20 20:36:25

"Dear Mr. Beach, I have your daughter. She will be safely released after you change last month's winning caption to 'The Dali Llama'. Yours sincerely, Anon."

08/10/20 7:06:23

Sorry Glyn, it was just me pretending to be Stoneface pretending to be Anon, so the truth is still out there... --James Lennox

At least the English version only has one mistake, the Welsh version is a right mess.

02/10/20 11:06:33

"Well Karen, it's called a stiletto, and the things it's made out of are called pans."

There are sexy wives, and kitchen wives, but poor Frank missed out on both.

24/08/20 19:27:24

Don't you just hate it when some random idiot washes your windows, then expects to get paid?

23/08/20 7:06:39

"Will you pay him, honey?" "What?" "I mean, will you pay him honey?" --Willie Johnson

"Darling, if you don't stop smoking then in 20 years you'll be dead!"

"Well doll, in 20 years you're gonna look like your mother, so I'll take death."

16/08/20 19:24:58

"Lassie, my hand is caught in the filter. Unlock the gate latch with your teeth, then open the door inside with your paws. Knock the phone off the receiver and tap 9-9-9 with your nose. When someone answers, bark out Morse code for S-O-S. Go girl!"

"... woof?"

12/07/20 19:17:47

I love the new extended Director's Cut, but I'll leave it up to you Karyn. Edit: Glad you agree! :^) --Crunchy Chords

It's always embarrassing when your anteater sneezes in public.

18/06/20 23:20:45

Even worse when he eats it. --Willie Johnson

Typical, me and my mates were enjoying a nice day at the beach, then bang on lunchtime a f*cking Captioneer showed up.

28/05/20 11:03:46

I told her not to insult my horse.

16/05/20 7:03:42

Makes you wonder what she's doing with her other hand?

07/03/20 9:25:47

You think head lice are bad, try having fire bugs.

02/02/20 8:39:43

Ah, the hummingbird, the songbird's shy cousin.

31/01/20 8:24:20

Due to a strict censorship doctrine all Japanese porn is pixelated.

14/01/20 12:23:38

I think the hedgehog's been done to death ... but another ten minutes in the oven wouldn't hurt.

12/12/19 20:11:36

I find myself strangely attracted to her, but maybe it's just gravity.

04/12/19 21:06:26

I have a sudden urge to give Peace a chance ... twice.

28/11/19 8:02:02

"Where'd that guy in the 'Homo Sex Leads to Hell' shirt disappear to?"

12/11/19 20:06:44

"I'll give you a banana when you finish writing that complete works of Shakespeare."

28/10/19 12:15:47

Sometimes my wife and I role play that she's a prostitute and I'm a horny client. This is a picture of me practising with a real prostitute.

07/10/19 11:46:09

They warned us AI would take over the world, but when my smartphone became fully sentient it just decided to get its charging port pierced.

04/10/19 7:24:14

♪Paper-bike Rider♪

01/08/19 7:01:01

Just a regular day at the beach for Evel Knievel.

13/06/19 7:34:54

"Look at that girl taking our photo over her shoulder. Weirdo."

20/05/19 7:09:41

Ground Hog Day ... I feel like I've read this caption before.

13/05/19 21:51:52

Must have been on the grounds of the pork. --Willie Johnson

The moment the Invisible Man realised he wasn't that special.

25/04/19 7:05:14

Woolly Jumpers

25/03/19 20:00:21

The rumour that King Midas died while masturbating turned out to be true.

13/02/19 20:29:48

Talking to yourself is the first sign of madness. The second is joining caption.me

Fri 13:29:08

The third is writing about the signs of madness (just kidding). --Willie Johnson

"Servicemen? Why yes, I do."

04/12/20 8:55:25

"But why do they have to be so army and knave-y." --Willie Johnson

My God was I drunk last night. I hope I didn't do anything silly.

15/11/20 20:01:52

"...then Dumbledore and Dobby moved to Fiji, and Harry hooked up with Hermione. The End." There, much better.

02/09/20 7:45:25

Looks like she's joined the vile Hugh club.

31/08/20 19:22:21

"How does a bunny keep his fur neat? With a hare brush ... What do you call 100 rabbits walking backwards? A receding hare line ... I read a story about a rabbit being raised. It was a hare-raising tale ..."

"Oh dear God mum, please make him stop!"

07/05/20 7:52:01

He'll rabbit on for hours. --John Glover

"Toilet paper for a week! Yay!"

23/04/20 19:27:02

The Lord provides. --Scrijjy Doo

My dog's just like me, he prefers it when somebody else licks his balls.

17/03/20 15:19:20

Obviously she's not a natural blonde.

16/03/20 8:03:33

If you're going to hump a table leg, it pays to get a good grip.

09/03/20 20:07:26

Thank you! :) --Karyn Harrison

"Don't wear anything fancy, just keep it Loki."

01/03/20 12:43:34

I've complained about endless comic book characters, gay pride parades, and black and white zoo photos, but right at this moment Kenneth, all is forgiven.

17/02/20 8:14:54

You've had 164 profile views today.

04/02/20 12:40:28

That makes it even more funny. Well done.Out of curiosity: at what number did you start?:^) --Crunchy Chords

The in-flight meal was good, but the desert was a little dry.

03/02/20 20:06:40

How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb

28/01/20 20:04:10

It's a strange love, doctor.. --stone face

Master forgers often leave a barely perceptible difference to identify their work from the original.

13/01/20 8:49:14

"Quickly, to the Batmobilia!"

16/12/19 12:46:08

Capuchin.me

28/10/19 12:00:11

If anyone says Decaption.me I'll vomit.

28/10/19 8:00:46

Sick caption, sis/bro --Mr Dome

Worst pirate costume ever.

25/10/19 11:23:49

Shit, wardrobe malfunction ... send out the red spiky number as a distraction.

18/09/19 7:04:13

I wondered if someone would notice the arseless ensemble behind her. Good caption for it! :^) --Crunchy Chords

Look closely, they managed to sneak a cat into this bike photo.

01/08/19 7:13:17

You must have BMX-Ray vision. --Dave Bryan

Planning permission was put in for 12 of these identical houses, but for some reason they built 13.

30/07/19 7:31:02

Turns out you CAN get too much liposuction.

27/06/19 7:41:08

"Woman, bring me a working nipple, I can't get anything out of this one."

11/06/19 11:05:26

Jesus of Nazareth

10/06/19 12:32:15

"For a gynecologist you're spending a long time looking at my shoulders."

"Sorry, I'm just building up my courage."

14/05/19 19:32:18

"Hey Bill, why did we join this stupid society again?"
"Shut up Harry, and remember the ratio. It's 6 to 1 mate."

03/04/19 8:14:20

Ever since Joe lost his wife his hoarding became a major concern. They never did find her by the way.

16/03/19 12:50:52

No wonder she used to stand over air vents.

25/02/19 20:06:05

"Two happy meals, a ride on the carousel, and a romantic walk on the beach. If I don't get a snog out of this I'm giving up dating."

03/02/19 12:26:24

Beware of rubber duckies. They're dangerous little bastards.

02/02/19 8:01:50

"Don't judge me, it was consensual and we're both grown lawnmowers."

07/12/20 20:17:30

And soon a kid will be delivered. --Willie Johnson

Rumours that cell towers cause genetic mutations are completely unfounded.

06/12/20 8:08:21

"Just bite down while I realign your 3rd lumbar vertebra."

11/11/20 12:01:49

Pinocchio regretted wishing for a dog.

04/11/20 8:02:50

"Jezuz it stinks in there ... I think I'll just shit in the woods."

11/09/20 19:00:17

"I could have been a movie star, but no, here I am flossing people's teeth for a living."

22/08/20 7:51:50

"Why the long face?"

"They bought me a new cover, but now I look like a zebra, and all the other horses are laughing at me, and Polly, who I was totally going to shag, hooked up with Tornado, that bloody Spanish stallion, and one of my hooves is aching, I think it has a stone in it, and there's clover in my hay, I hate bloody clover, and..."

17/08/20 20:15:52

Hmmm...chemistry? No inferiority complex? Who knows the reasons why two horses decide to get together? --Glyn Evans

"Ummm ... I'll have a front right panel, a hood, 4 hub caps, a fresh paint job ... and a diet Pepsi."

30/07/20 9:44:40

The winner of the 2008 Dog Obedience "Wait" competition.

09/06/20 19:22:24

As far as sexual positions go, the reverse cowboy is one of the trickiest.

09/05/20 19:42:11

"I can't believe you screwed Dave from accounts you dirty two-timing slag."

"Well I had to screw somebody you self righteous impotent prick."

"... And smile ... *Click*"

27/02/20 12:33:51

"Hi, it's me from last night. You remember, the threesome, I was the one on the bottom."

16/02/20 8:28:14

Yeah, that guy we hired to make balloon animals at little Susie's birthday party ... I wouldn't recommend him.

31/01/20 20:47:30

Superglue, the funniest invention since the guillotine.

31/01/20 8:18:26

"So you missed the battle of Endor because, and I quote, 'The bloody kiddy lock was on'."

19/12/19 12:11:38

"For Christ's sake Kenneth, put down the camera and get this f*cking thing off my head."

18/11/19 20:11:29

Bullshit, I buy my dope off Gulliver.

14/11/19 12:22:30

I think that's a bit of a tall tale! --Karyn Harrison

Oh God. We finally make contact with an alien and he's a bloody mime.

25/10/19 7:04:42

Terrorcotta

23/10/19 9:26:27

*Free item can be another mannequin, a cat, or a bicycle.

06/10/19 7:19:14

Can't explain why, but this caption really tickled me. --Chris Beach

This is the highest resolution photo I've ever seen on Caption.me ... I still have no idea what the hell it's of.

28/09/19 7:19:04

It's probably a bike. --Dave Bryan

The other 32% are treated to a nice warm bath at KFC.

20/08/19 7:00:27

Before hair and makeup Big Bird is unrecognisable.

14/08/19 19:02:06

"And this is where I abducted you fifteen years ago."

29/07/19 7:14:07

I fell in love with her beautiful big blue eyes ... and then those damn Doctors Without Borders fixed my glaucoma.

16/07/19 7:16:17

"Thank goodness for the stork service. The alternative method is so messy."

07/05/19 19:12:53

There's nothing worse than when your cryogenic sleep is disturbed by someone looking for frozen peas.

20/04/19 11:00:22

It would probably be a sweet way to be woken in the morning ... if you owned a cat.

01/04/19 7:16:42

"So Darling, I had my piano upgraded. Do you like the pop-up scenery?"

"It's nice Dear, but installing the slide was a stroke of genius."

07/02/19 8:18:30

By the power vested in sea, I pronounce you sand and wife. You may miss the tide.

19/01/19 10:44:24

The sand bunker on the 18th is a bitch to get out of.

07/01/21 8:06:38

Warning, 2021 ahead! Be prepared for anything.

01/01/21 8:42:23

Turns out there is a use for a condom machine in the Vatican.

23/12/20 12:00:48

Usually they put them on their hats first before they go outside. However, it's a bit more difficult for the nuns. --Glyn Evans

"Word of advice kid, lose the nappy. Making your owners pick up shit is hilarious."

02/11/20 20:04:23

"Remember Jimmy, when we get to the store you need to look for the bottle that says 'Superglue Remover'."

30/09/20 19:00:36

"Daddy, the bottle will actually say that? Because you know I can't read." --Willie Johnson

"How was it for you?"

"To be honest, it was no picnic."

28/09/20 8:07:23