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	This Week				Last Week			All Time
	Quota	Added	Score	Rank	Added	Score	Rank	Added	Score	Rank
Captions	74	18	63	#5	18	43	#9	5700	15532	#17
Photos			10	#5		1	#7	299	773	#6
Comments	15	6	5	#3	4	3	#6	1087	1689	#3
Forum Posts		2						53
Suggested Edits		1	1	#1				17	25	#2
Tips		1	2	#1				1	2	#9

	This Week		Last Week		All Time
	Voted	Rank	Voted	Rank	Voted	Rank
Captions	35	#13	30	#14	9072	#27
Photos					833	#21
Comments	6	#1	7	#2	1841	#5
Forum Posts
Suggested Edits			1	#1	18	#2
Tips					1	#4

captions comments received captioned photos

captions


lol clever x3 18/01/24 8:12:29, edited: 15/03/24 18:17:37		23 40
Many congratulations, James - blooming marvellous! --Molly R

creative lol 01/09/23 20:02:48, edited: 15/03/24 18:19:32		25 31
Love your caption James. You're gonna need a bigger vote 😉 --Dot Old
	lol x4 "This is most embarrassing, but could you help? Somehow I've caught my penis in the fence." 18/07/21 12:55:41	26 30
Many congratulations, James! I've been out of it a while with Covid and missed some pictures entirely, so this has come as a new delight. A very worthy winner! --Molly R
	lol x3 "Yes, I agree, Dave did do a pretty good job of renovating the litter box ... Now if you don't mind, I'm trying to have a shit." 10/01/24 8:33:06	4 29
Hahahahahaha. That's hilarious! You've made me choke on my toast. --Vivvy En
	lol x2 creative "Luke, I am your farmer." 23/03/19 8:46:34	3 27
Haha. I don't mind chipping in a tenner for second place (it definitely will not be one of mine)!! Great caption. Genuinely choked on my toast. So thanks for nearly killing me! --The Wolf
	lol x2 creative clever x2 Wash his hands hopefully. 22/01/19 8:22:17	19 27
Thanks Dave and everyone else. Chuffed to be on the board and loving the spirit of Caption.me. Will continue to represent the hobbits down here in NZ. Cheers all. --James Lennox
	lol x3 Ding "Whiskas!" "No, I'm sorry, Tibbles, the correct answer was Pope Benedict the sixteenth." 13/01/23 12:10:08, edited: 13/01/23 12:31:58	3 26
I agree with KT A. This is a killer. --Dave Bryan
	lol x2 "Bloody typical," muttered Dave. "I just paid £25 for mine." 20/01/24 12:10:18	25

	This public gathering is just asking to get Corona. 12/05/20 8:16:32	25

	Looks like the shit's hit the van. 16/07/23 8:23:55	24

	lol "Lord Vader, the Rebels are attacking. Perhaps you should change out of your pyjamas." 27/12/22 20:01:39	23


lol 18/06/22 8:00:31		17 23
Cheers for the congrats, guys. I think I was lucky to pip Tony's one, so I'm very glad he got a 2nd place prize. A big cheer out to the caption.me contributors who have made this extra prize possible. And, as always, many thanks to Chris for the... --James Lennox
	lol "Come on Darth, you slaughtered the Jedi, blew up a planet, killed your mentor ... I reckon 200 hours of community service is fair." 17/03/22 8:01:22	1 23

	lol x3 Dave was horrified to discover the spyhole in his neighbour's fence had been removed, along with the fence. 09/03/21 12:35:25	1 23
...and along with the suit he was wearing. --Willie Johnson

lol creative x2 28/04/20 20:23:57		18 23
First off, I'd like to thank the Academy ... no but seriously, thanks to Chris for picking #3 (I too preferred it to my other), and kudos to Smuldo for being equal #1. Thanks also to Mr. Dome for his "BeeSI: Miami", which forced me to edit my ... --James Lennox
	Mttens 13/11/23 8:01:26	1 22
Nice one ... It took me a while --John Glover
	lol Marcel Marsupial 29/04/23 8:05:06	22

	"Disaster here in the Paralympic eventing course as Wu Chan's wheelchair refuses to take that jump." 01/12/22 20:07:31	22

	lol clever "Gosh darn it," said Davy-Bob. "Nobody told me you could reload them." 12/12/21 12:08:44	22

	Javelins should only be thrown outdoors. 03/02/20 12:00:41	1 22
The good news is she was standing just past the world record distance. --Willie Johnson
	lol It's awful when you unpack the Christmas tree and suddenly realise why Mr. Tibbles went missing a year earlier. 05/02/24 8:01:50, edited: 05/02/24 8:21:59	21

	lol "Ok, so the sawing in half bit could have gone better, and I'm sorry the rabbit didn't make it, but anyway ... TA DAA!!" 15/10/23 20:13:01	1 21

	lol Best Captioneer a few weeks in a row and The Wolf gets all cocky. 28/09/23 20:17:44	2 21
Yea I wanna C a Camel toe. --Karen McDonald
	I have a strange urge to whack her with an oversize rubber mallet. 17/11/20 9:17:11	21

	creative clever The cheap seats at the opera are OK. Just make sure you duck when they turn the spotlights on. 31/07/20 8:09:57	21

	Skippy Dipping 21/03/24 12:00:40	20

	clever Some people shouldn't be allowed to raise children. 16/09/22 12:00:35	1 20
Usually, they're called parents. --Glyn Evans
	"Perfect, my last batch was a little on the dark side." 29/03/22 20:28:20	20

	lol x2 "I'm sorry luv, but Noah said I'm only allowed to bring one, and Nancy's got better tits." 06/04/21 12:26:41	2 20
"Yes, but I don't think Nancy is the right monkey for you on this trip, Joan," said Percy. :^) --Crunchy Chords
	Harold always believed the son shone out of his arse. 27/08/20 8:00:40	20

	clever If dodos had been better jugglers they wouldn't be extinct. 08/02/20 12:00:17	20

	lol All Day Breakfast 21/05/19 12:00:27	20

	lol creative It was a beautiful wedding, but the honeymoon in France didn't end well. 01/03/19 20:13:39	20

	The Four Riders of the Alpacalypse 14/01/24 8:17:49	1 19

	"The good news, Mr. Smith, is that the birth went fine. The bad news is that your wife may need a few stitches." 17/08/23 20:05:32, edited: 17/08/23 20:06:03	19

	creative "Hang on, mum, we haven't tied the string round Billy's bad tooth yet." 18/12/22 20:43:09	19

	lol ...and who can forget Dave's final words: "Jeez mate, for a big fella you've got a tiny penis." 27/04/21 20:40:05	1 19
"Pssst! Word of advice. Some Russians might take offence to this as they might see it as an insult to their National animal, however I know that you're talking about it's actual state of being. If you're urinal cake is glowing a funny colour o... --Glyn Evans
	lol clever Kiwi fruit 27/11/20 8:36:38	3 19
ðŸ˜‚ðŸ˜‚ðŸ˜‚ Iâ€™ve since looked at a Kiwi bird on Images and now it all makes sense and itâ€™s a brilliant caption. I couldnâ€™t stop laughing when I saw what the Kiwi bird looked like. I am going to lol this caption because itâ€™s funny and clev... --Karen Oakenfull
	Nobody makes better balloon animals than Dave. 29/09/20 20:15:41	5 19
Always start with a blowfish --Al Overy
	Giving up smoking, diary entry day 23: Either I'm starting to hallucinate or my wife is a bitch. 03/03/19 20:47:18	1 19
No sheâ€™s not, she menthol ðŸ™ƒ --Karen Oakenfull
	clever Cat on a Hot Twin Oeuf 29/03/24 21:30:50, edited: 29/03/24 21:32:27	18

	"So, my plan is to buy caption.me, rename it pun.me, fire Chris Beach, and ban cat photos. You like that, boy?" 09/03/24 8:06:15, edited: 09/03/24 8:07:26	1 18
--Chris Beach
	A Fish called Honda 04/03/24 20:09:39	18

	"It was either this or pineapple." 24/02/24 20:04:31	18

	lol creative Susan's soul was annoyed enough about being harvested, but spinning around a plastic tube with Mitten's hairballs and Dave's nail clippings was just too much. 16/01/24 8:16:36	18

	Crocks 30/12/23 12:11:12	18

	creative "I thought after 80 years he'd have forgiven me for eating his porridge!" 29/09/23 8:05:07, edited: 29/09/23 8:12:23	18

	"I'm sure we've met, but I'm sorry, my short term memory is terrible." 22/09/23 8:03:59	4 18

	lol "Oh my God! That bull is doing International Sign Language with his horns!" "Really? What's he saying?" "Moo." 16/11/22 20:01:07, edited: 16/11/22 20:01:48	18

	lol "So God created Adam in His own image, which, strangely, was that of a 70s pornstar." 07/05/22 13:28:08	18

	"Quick! Straighten the sign!" 14/12/20 8:05:11	18

	Barbie hasn't changed much in the last 60 years. Ken on the other hand ... 24/11/20 8:17:40	7 18
Well that's interesting and disturbing Willie. I bet Ken's namesake had a fun childhood growing up as the kid who has a penis-less incestuous plastic doll named after him. --James Lennox
	lol Always buy your catnip from a trusted source. 08/09/20 14:23:56	18

	lol Looks like the match went to sudden death. 17/07/19 8:30:33	18

	creative "j.vxd tyuiojkmn njy s[l; hj jggt jhb v rstdebg" And so, Susan decided captioning wasn't her thing. Sun 22:46:59	17

	"Ok, girls, now our husbands have gone, let's put away the Tupperware and bring out the vibrators." 22/02/24 20:01:42, edited: 23/02/24 5:26:55, suggested edits	2 17
This is the type of arrant pedantry up with which I shall not put. --Scrijjy Doo
	"Excuse me, sir, can you pull over. We recently had another ostrich photo and the Cat Union is complaining." 01/02/24 20:07:16	17

	"WATCH WHERE YOU'RE FLYING THAT SLEIGH YOU FAT BASTARD!!" 24/12/23 20:05:41	17

	DDarth Vader 07/11/23 8:04:00	17

	clever "And here's 4,999 I prepared earlier." 11/08/23 20:20:11	17

	lol x2 When you get drunk, try to jump over something you shouldn't, stumble, land awkwardly on an unsuspecting wombat who gets wedged up your arse so you have to waddle home and get your mum to pull it out... We've all been there. 10/08/23 20:47:41	1 17
I guess the moral of the story is to be careful what's down under when you're Down Under. --Stephen Bean
	"Are you going to take the train, Dave?" "Nah, I think I'll catch a cab." 18/06/23 8:03:56	17

	creative "The worst thing about Great Floods," moaned God. "Is having to dry everything afterwards." 04/06/23 12:01:22	17

	Knot the Nine O'Clock News 01/01/23 20:00:20	17

	Copper feel 09/11/22 12:00:44	17

	What the hell is Sambuchino, and why is throwing it at gnomes a good defence? 31/08/22 8:10:06	17

	The Dunhills have Eyes 09/07/22 8:00:27	17

	"That's OK, you're swimming in our septic tank." 19/05/22 8:02:06	17

	Dear Mrs Parker, While we understand your frustration, we regret to inform you that even though your neighbour was perfectly within their rights to have any garden ornaments they chose, yours exceeds the new garden ornament standards we introduced after your complaint. Please remove it immediately. Yours sincerely, Luton Town Council 08/10/21 8:08:37	17

	"Sorry to intrude, but could I please have my rubber bone back?" 19/07/21 8:07:59	17

	lol Sadly, none of the gospels recorded Jesus's performance of YMCA. 23/04/21 12:12:14	1 17
Described by critics as 'rather wooden'. --Karyn Harrison
	Men be hoovering badly 22/03/21 8:04:11	17

	US politics are insane, General Lee speaking. 24/01/21 8:06:09	17

	"Hey guys, just wondering, if it's not too much trouble, if maybe, just maybe, I could get a bigger litter tray?" 12/04/20 8:01:39	17

	lol "... and then he took his shirt off and things started to get weird." 09/04/20 20:40:08	17

	lol No animals were harmed during the making of this picture, but some were highly pissed off. 25/03/20 8:07:25	1 17
"No animals were harmed" - just someone's dignity. --Willie Johnson
	lol "Ok Dave, you create a diversion while I steal the mini." 09/01/20 12:14:25	17

	"Stick out your tongue Gulliver. STICK OUT YOUR TONGUE!" Lilliputian torturers are nasty little bastards. 05/12/19 8:04:18	17

	lol clever "Look at that old lady swallowing a fly. Should we avoid her?" "Nah, looks like she's chasing a spider now. We should be fine." 02/09/19 8:57:49	17

	"One way or another Monsieur, you will leave a tip." 05/03/19 12:24:57	1 17

	"Well Sir, we don't actually need to strip search you, but we do appreciate your eagerness to cooperate." 15/02/19 20:16:18	17

	Pork Chopper 18/04/24 12:16:16	16

	"One wonders if she spreads easily." 09/03/24 20:07:56	1 16
No, that's her sister, Flora. --Karyn Harrison
	"So, concluding the council meeting regarding the funding of pothole repairs, we have 164 votes for, and 1 against." 19/02/24 20:15:33	16

	Dave was rubbish at picking up girls. 31/12/23 20:19:41, edited: 01/01/24 8:03:59	16

	lol creative "Yeah, sex with him is dry, boring, and one sided, but for some reason it does keep my thrush away." 12/12/23 8:24:39	16

	lol "Jeez, I could murder a grandma ... I mean, a kebab." 07/12/23 8:13:13, edited: 07/12/23 8:28:15	3 16
Ha, you've got me wondering now whether murder a grandma is funnier. It's nice having the double 'gr' sound though. --Stephen Bean
	"Oh dear, I've just thrown up that meal I had a week ago." "Don't worry, Dave, the captions are all being regurgitated too." 12/10/23 20:17:35	16

	"Ok, so I'll organise the church, the guest list, the reception venue, the menu, the flowers, and the photos. Dave, you can sort the transport." 13/08/23 20:31:47	16

	lol "Any last words, sir?" "Yes. I'd like to thank whomever forgot the rope." 04/06/23 20:52:29, edited: 04/06/23 20:55:29	2 16
The did say his sentence would be suspended. --Tony S
	And in Dublin, the annual 'Swap you Wife for a Keg of Guinness' promotion kicks off. 04/05/23 8:01:19	16

	A minor 22/03/23 12:11:18	16

	"Hmmn, do you reckon we should put the 'Out of Order' sign at the bottom or the top?" 06/03/23 12:29:17	16

	"I think I'm gonna find a new Best Man, Dave. This Stag Do sucks." 09/02/23 12:17:23	16

	lol Despairing the inevitable onslaught of excruciating puns, the bananas chose suicide. 15/01/23 20:18:34	4 16
Careful about giving in to the urge to make a banana pun. It's a slippery slope. --Willie Johnson
	"The pearly gates are open, Your Majesty," said St. Peter. "But you may wish to let go of that leash first." [Happy to delete if anyone thinks this is 'too soon'] 03/12/22 8:21:53, edited: 03/12/22 8:39:07	1 16
That poor dog :-D --Glyn Evans
	This was the problem with the Mahunti-gathi tribe of deepest Peru. Half of them were hunters. Half of them were gatherers. None of them were mechanics. 08/11/22 12:50:33, edited: 08/11/22 12:56:06	2 16

	"Honey, there's a problem with Rex's new glass eye." "Really? Don't tell me they got the colour wrong..." 08/05/22 13:53:13	16

	lol "On the plus side, my hemorrhoids are gone." 12/03/22 12:00:56	16

	Titanic 2: The Reunion 01/02/22 8:02:45	16

more captions

last comments (total: 933)

Lol, Karen, yes she's definitely going for the full set. But speaking of ponchos, she is lacking a Mexican...

[Oh dear, just went to upvote your comment and it's vanished, which makes mine incomprehensible. Much like many of my captions wink ]

(caption author)

05/04/24
10:24pm

comment on caption:
Wokeists insist all old jokes must be rewritten. [James Lennox]

Here goes...

There's an Irish chicken, a Scottish chicken and an English chicken crossing the road. A Welsh chicken waltzes up, and asks "Why is it you always forget about us Welsh!?"

The Irish chicken urges the Scottish chicken and English chicken to continue saying "Don't turn back, leave her. It's best we get away from this Welsh farmyard as quickly as possible because if it's true what happens to sheep, imagine what they do to chickens!?"

Glyn Evans

06/04/24
10:11am

comment on caption:
Wokeists insist all old jokes must be rewritten. [James Lennox]

Oh crap. This caption literally took me 6 minutes to write, and now I see it's a dupe ... No time to edit, so a nod to the earlier entry.

(caption author)

11/04/24
8:11am

comment on caption:
"So, Dave, how is marriage to a mermaid?" "Crap. I can't breath underwater. There's sharks everywhere. And my wife has no sexual organs." [James Lennox]

He received a 21-pun salute off his friends on the caption site.

[anon]

11/04/24
8:26pm

comment on caption:
"...and so, as we commit Dave to the grave, we remember his great loves, machines of war, and tropical fish." [James Lennox]

I don't think any meaning of the word fast applies to her - unless she is stuck in her chair

Mr Dome

13/04/24
9:47am

comment on caption:
"Ok, as I can now see my arse, I probably was spinning on my office chair a little too fast." [James Lennox]

Chris, I think James's account's been hacked. ;)

Al Overy

Sunday
8:09pm

comment on caption:
Squeals on Wheels [James Lennox]

Lol, AL. To be honest mate, I had a run of hard thought narrative captions score zero, so I thought, bugger it, I'll just do some cheap puns instead. I got more votes from these 2 than the rest of my week's body of work put together 😞

(caption author)

Sunday
8:18pm

comment on caption:
Squeals on Wheels [James Lennox]

Hang in there, James! 🤗

Al Overy

Sunday
8:19pm

comment on caption:
Squeals on Wheels [James Lennox]

Hoping the vote was for this version, Vivvy. I edited because I didn't think anybody would get the first version. Happily surprised anyone even got the revised one wink (If you did, will revert if not)

(caption author)

Monday
8:14am