James Lennox

"Luke, I am your farmer."

23/03/19 8:46:34

Haha. I don't mind chipping in a tenner for second place (it definitely will not be one of mine)!! Great caption. Genuinely choked on my toast. So thanks for nearly killing me! --The Wolf

£50
WINNER

lol x2

Wash his hands hopefully.

clever x2

22/01/19 8:22:17

Thanks Dave and everyone else. Chuffed to be on the board and loving the spirit of Caption.me. Will continue to represent the hobbits down here in NZ. Cheers all. --James Lennox

21/05/19 12:00:27

It was a beautiful wedding, but the honeymoon in France didn't end well.

01/03/19 20:13:39

Giving up smoking, diary entry day 23: Either I'm starting to hallucinate or my wife is a bitch.

03/03/19 20:47:18

No she’s not, she menthol 🙃 --Karen Oakenfull

"One way or another Monsieur, you will leave a tip."

05/03/19 12:24:57

"Well Sir, we don't actually need to strip search you, but we do appreciate your eagerness to cooperate."

15/02/19 20:16:18

Scientists at CERN say it's nothing to worry about.

23/03/19 13:42:05

He's been driving around in circles for ages.

20/02/19 12:00:19

I retract my earlier caption: THIS is the tackiest toilet I've ever seen.

24/04/19 20:09:10

Replace your groin armour now Stormtrooper #66!

26/01/19 12:12:44

Due to recent controversy, all red-headed children must be blurred in photos.

10/05/19 8:01:23

"Menstrual cycle - Mood. Do you understand now?"

26/01/19 9:26:11

That sinking feeling when you're about to become extinct.

02/06/19 8:00:40

Holy Shit

27/05/19 12:00:10

That's the tackiest toilet seat I've ever seen.

24/04/19 8:01:27

Oscar Pistorius' latest escape attempt.

10/04/19 13:07:25

It's no mean feet --Mr Dome

"Grandmother, what big eyes you have."

08/04/19 12:00:22

... of Driving into Miss Daisy.

05/04/19 12:33:19

The problem has been the red pen. If we switch to a green one things will improve.

26/01/19 8:33:37

Just a regular day at the beach for Evel Knievel.

Thu 8:34:54

"Look at that girl taking our photo over her shoulder. Weirdo."

20/05/19 8:09:41

Ground Hog Day ... I feel like I've read this caption before.

13/05/19 22:51:52

Must have been on the grounds of the pork. --Willie Johnson

The moment the Invisible Man realised he wasn't that special.

25/04/19 8:05:14

Woolly Jumpers

25/03/19 20:00:21

The rumour that King Midas died while masturbating turned out to be true.

13/02/19 20:29:48

"Woman, bring me a working nipple, I can't get anything out of this one."

11/06/19 12:05:26

Jesus of Nazareth

10/06/19 13:32:15

"For a gynecologist you're spending a long time looking at my shoulders."

"Sorry, I'm just building up my courage."

14/05/19 20:32:18

"Hey Bill, why did we join this stupid society again?"
"Shut up Harry, and remember the ratio. It's 6 to 1 mate."

03/04/19 9:14:20

Ever since Joe lost his wife his hoarding became a major concern. They never did find her by the way.

16/03/19 12:50:52

No wonder she used to stand over air vents.

25/02/19 20:06:05

"Two happy meals, a ride on the carousel, and a romantic walk on the beach. If I don't get a snog out of this I'm giving up dating."

03/02/19 12:26:24

Beware of rubber duckies. They're dangerous little bastards.

02/02/19 8:01:50

"Thank goodness for the stork service. The alternative method is so messy."

07/05/19 20:12:53

There's nothing worse than when your cryogenic sleep is disturbed by someone looking for frozen peas.

20/04/19 12:00:22

It would probably be a sweet way to be woken in the morning ... if you owned a cat.

01/04/19 8:16:42

"So Darling, I had my piano upgraded. Do you like the pop-up scenery?"

"It's nice Dear, but installing the slide was a stroke of genius."

07/02/19 8:18:30

By the power vested in sea, I pronounce you sand and wife. You may miss the tide.

19/01/19 10:44:24

I love playing with the spinner from The Game of Life Life Life Life Life Life Life Life Life.

07/06/19 8:00:18

That "Should I chew my arm off?" moment.

01/06/19 8:02:22

"So the new flatmate, his name's Dexter?"

30/05/19 12:09:05

"Suicide watch? Your service sucks. I jumped 45 minutes ago."

08/05/19 8:12:31

This is without doubt the longest I have stared at a dog's arsehole. I hope the rest of you can say the same.

05/05/19 9:43:27

Sad to say...... I think I can say the same. --Willie Johnson

Joan doesn't suffer from alzheimer's, but sometimes she wishes she did.

10/04/19 8:42:08

"Oh, a mobile DJ mega boom truck, can I make a request?"
"Yep sure."
"Please fuck off."

08/04/19 8:23:58

I don't give a FCUK --Molly R

Rarely captured on camera, the queen bee is a magnificent creature.

26/03/19 12:01:32

Who hasn't faked a heart attack to get out of a kid's birthday party?

13/03/19 8:04:11

She's had her hair straightened. It used to be wavy.

11/03/19 20:19:57

I did think about posting a separate caption rather than just a comment but as long as you are the same author as the original I posted my comment on, I'm happy. Nice one 😁 --Mr Dome

"So, a 6-0 loss isn't good, but cheer up mate, we've got the shower to look forward to."

11/03/19 8:43:46

"So, he was about my height, and he'll be wearing what I used to be wearing."

04/03/19 20:02:12

"Sorry James, we can't put 'Arsebandit' on the plaque. How about 'Architect' instead?"

28/01/19 20:00:41

John sank into a deep depression after his wife left him for a Sony 65 inch Ultra HD.

22/01/19 20:19:44

The original Mickey Mouse Club had trouble standing.

Thu 8:02:39

The Society for Suicide Prevention decided to rethink its reverse-psychology advertising campaign.

11/06/19 20:27:54

Don't worry kid, all us captioneers are just as bemused as you.

10/06/19 10:24:58

"Hello police? Ignore my last call. While I was telling you about the strange man taking my photo, a tiger jumped through the window and ate him, so everything's fine."

18/05/19 8:05:56

Thanks to sex education in schools, storks have a lot more spare time these days.

10/05/19 12:00:14

"Put that back you little shit. My penis is not a raygun!"

10/05/19 8:11:49

"And tomorrow it will be raining men."

17/04/19 8:01:38

Sylvia sensuously slipped out of her red lace dress. For a moment Fabio stood motionless, staring at her beautiful naked body, then he proudly uncaged his prize pecker.

07/04/19 13:51:05

I would have voted for this for the use of Fabio alone --Mr Dome

No caption, just a message, and apologies for the lack of humour: I live just out of Christchurch, NZ, where a week ago some unspeakable moron took the lives of 50 Muslims for no other reason than they were different from him. I hope, if anything, this picture shows that we all are not that different.

21/03/19 12:26:41

Salaam alaikum. --John Glover

"Don't worry. The baby's fine. It's just playing in the sand pit."

"But we don't have a sand pit."

"You know. My sand pit. In the plastic tray."

15/03/19 12:53:56

"DON'T pull the chain!"

05/03/19 12:29:59

Even if you take extreme measures to masturbate in private, some bugger is still likely to catch you at it.

16/02/19 21:27:45

"It's a sext from Catwoman. Time to dust off the old Batpole!"

07/02/19 20:27:47

Damn Sat Nav.

14/01/19 20:07:42

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8zjVZvkzr5A Listen at own risk ;) --James Lennox

When Steve Davis retired from snooker he took up fishing.

Sat 8:39:36

Unable to talk, lego people use sign language. This means he wants to give you head.

Fri 20:30:15

Ask yourself which is worse: A cutesy animal censorship image, or a nudist middle aged hiker?

08/06/19 12:22:11

For neck frills, the bride chose a salad filled Boston bun, which was odd but understandable. Nobody knows why the groom chose a prolapsed sheep anus.

03/06/19 20:10:40

Where'd you think they came from? Out of the blue?... --Charles Gilbert

As Stephen Hawking always said, "Nothing can escape a black hole, not even a raccoon."

03/06/19 8:04:05

May the fo ... no, fifteenth.

15/05/19 20:40:20

Flopsy, Mopsy, and Cottontail had had a titfull of Peter.

20/04/19 20:35:32

Hmmn. Thanks Karyn. Will post a question in the forum. --James Lennox

"When you said you lived on a boat and were a dream catch I was expecting something ... better."

14/03/19 13:16:45

"I'd like to report an explosion at the talcum powder factory."

06/03/19 20:04:49

Strange place for a kidnap.

02/03/19 23:02:44

"Good boy ... drop," Leroy managed to whisper after his freak chainsaw accident.

28/02/19 12:41:59

If you clicked refresh over a hundred times between 20:00 and 20:53 you probably need help.

23/02/19 21:11:53

"No Tarzan, you may not cut in."

09/02/19 21:18:25

Shoplifters often work in teams. Two of them cause a distraction, while the third makes a run for it.

06/02/19 18:33:06

The breast caption is one that makes you think.

17/01/19 20:41:53

So everyone's behaving themselves, and then you two decide to get it on.

17/01/19 8:14:33

They started acting lovey-dovey. --Spycenwolf

Well, if you really want the truth, your lips taste like plastic and you have a hairy tongue.

15/01/19 20:23:19

"On second thoughts, I won't have the omelette."

01/01/19 21:00:37

Santa has his sleigh, the Toothfairy has this.

10/06/19 20:28:03

Look who's finally come out of her shell.

29/05/19 12:33:12

"Jeez that dude is white," thought Pablo, switching to his extra dark sunglasses.

25/05/19 20:45:33

"To be, or not to be: that is the question:
Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to suffer
The slings and arrows of outrageous fortune,
Or to take arms against a sea of troubles,
And by opposing end them? To die: to sleep;
No more; and by a sleep to say we end
The heart-ache and the thousand natural shocks
That flesh is heir to, 'tis a consummation
Devoutly to be wish'd. To die, to sleep;
To sleep: perchance to dream: ay, there's the rub;
For in that sleep of death what dreams may come
When we have shuffled off this mortal coil ..."

"Jeezuz Christ Will! We're trying to rest in peace here."

23/05/19 12:17:44

Little Johnny started his Supervillian career early by stealing Wonderwoman's jet.

07/05/19 20:05:09

"And this is me and the boys last Easter."

07/05/19 14:12:16

Holy of holies

05/05/19 8:09:48

"What's that about my shoes? Don't change the f*cken subject, just top up my goddamn brandy!"

04/05/19 8:04:58

The other geese laughed when she said he'd win an academy award one day, but his mum always knew Ryan was special.

03/05/19 9:17:03

And just like that, the global rising sea level crisis was averted.

26/04/19 8:28:34

He's in hiding from three rabbits with guns.

23/04/19 20:11:15

"Did you know you can remove lint with your tongue? I'll demonstrate if you like."

17/04/19 13:01:50

"I know how to escape! Use metal bar to pry open electrical wiring hatch. Put on rubber gloves. Insert bar between the two live terminals. Tie blue cloth to straw, and place straw between teeth. Lubricate anus with lump of butter. Insert coke can. Gently lower buttocks on to live metal bar. Wait until coke can explodes (bite down on straw for pain if necessary) and propels you over wall. Remove straw from teeth and wave flag to summon medical assistance."

16/04/19 8:12:12

Or get the bus.. --stone face

"I'll never forgive you for yesterday morning ... on your bed, our bed, kissing you ... that black and white bitch from next door."

02/04/19 14:52:39

"You've got something on your face."

30/03/19 21:04:32

"It's just not the same here since George Michael stopped coming around."

27/03/19 8:05:11

"So what you want to do is keep driving up this road for about two miles, then take a left. About another mile or so on you'll see an old windmill. Take a right just after that. From there you can't miss it."

25/03/19 13:32:58

Terminator Two old to be behaving like this.

20/03/19 8:00:45

A lifetime of smoking has taken its toll on Huey and Dewey, and as for Louie ...

15/03/19 21:47:11

Pablo regretted marrying an Eskimo.

07/03/19 14:13:02

"Krack'n shoes luv."

02/03/19 9:22:09

"F-A-N-N ... sorry Doc, I can't make out the last letter."

28/02/19 8:02:10

While the Psycho Brothers were the focus of attention, Clasper the Horny Ghost took the opportunity to hump another tree.

27/02/19 12:10:31

He's not looking too good. That sugar cube hit him square in the forehead.

26/02/19 8:26:38

Bill didn't like being a washing machine repairman, nor was he very good at it.

24/02/19 20:44:38

30 captions in and no direct mention of pussies being eaten ... woops.

30/01/19 20:11:42

So that's what they do with all the voteless captions.

20/01/19 20:04:44

"Hello. My name is Ungato Enfadado. You killed my father last caption. Prepare to die."

11/01/19 21:44:32

"Where did I park my damn sleigh?"

Thu 20:03:44

This photo proves elephants can't read ... or they don't respect privacy ... or they're not afraid of dogs ... or they own private residences and keep dogs as pets ... OK, so this photo doesn't prove anything.

11/06/19 9:38:42

"Kid, I've painted myself red and been standing on my hind legs all day, don't blow my chance to get one of these buggers."

10/06/19 8:18:24

I don't think her training bra passed its final exams.

03/06/19 13:50:16

Call it a conspiracy theory, but I think this carpet makes people crazy:

https://www.caption.me/470772
https://www.caption.me/474705
https://www.caption.me/448514

31/05/19 8:00:50

Some Elton John fans are really committed.

30/05/19 8:19:37

Or they should be. --Scrappy Doo

"And the winner of this month's least captionable photo goes too ..."

27/05/19 8:24:59

"The Sand People are easily startled, but they will soon be back, and in greater numbers."

24/05/19 8:00:51

Cryptic Triptych Crypt

23/05/19 12:04:08

Try saying that three times quickly! --Molly R

Trev's Fountain

16/05/19 8:16:29

"Welcome to reality, TV."

15/05/19 13:30:12

"Be patient ... I be doctor."

14/05/19 20:14:19

"On a hot summer night, would you offer your throat to the wolf with the pink collar?"

10/05/19 20:00:28

"We're going to need a boatier boat."

08/05/19 20:03:27

The downside of being a lesbian is that while the gay boys get to wear spandex shorts, lycra bras, and dayglo glasses, you have to wear a check shirt, walking pants, and sensible shoes.

06/05/19 8:12:37

Remember the Timotei girl? Hold on to that memory.

28/04/19 9:32:53

Meanwhile, in the back seat, Molly, Harry, and little Timmy couldn't believe their parents had fled without them.

22/04/19 20:09:29

Today's music is rubbish.

18/04/19 8:05:02

Dalek war veterans do what they can to survive.

18/04/19 8:00:12

"Damn it. My system's crashed."
"So's mine."

12/04/19 20:10:55

"Well there's your problem right there."

11/04/19 8:02:36

Sauron was raised by his grandma.

08/04/19 12:34:50

"I may be 95, but my vision is still 20-20, and I can hear a pin drop at 100 yards."
"Um, that's very impressive Mrs. Jones, but what's with the binoculars?"
"No thank you Dear, I'll make myself one later."

08/04/19 12:31:13

She has nothing to be ashamed of. When I'm alone and feeling horny, I get naked and pastabathe too.

31/03/19 9:42:40

"You should have seen it. It was this long!" Sal the salmon said to his mates, while struggling to spread his fins 9 inches apart.

21/03/19 20:35:35

Tonight's meeting at the Kidnappers' Anonymous Convention will focus on reducing addiction by degrees.

20/03/19 18:29:46

Definitive proof that there were cat pictures on Caption.me as far back as 1918.

18/03/19 8:02:53

"Ok Frank, it did work ... but l still say a ladder would have been easier. "

16/03/19 12:02:15

The annual "Up shit creek without a paddle" race.

11/03/19 20:15:16

I think my "It's just the Caption.me competition picture" excuse is starting to wear thin.

08/03/19 12:23:09

Jamaican bobsled team training facility

14/02/19 20:14:52

The second little Piggy was not happy.

11/02/19 20:01:20

I think they've misinterpreted the rules of musical chairs.

10/02/19 12:09:05

"Threaten me all you want good sir, I cannot play 'Ebony and Ivory'. Would 'Dark Bronze and Not So Dark Bronze' suffice?"

07/02/19 8:08:46

"It'll be extra for all that fertiliser, but sure, I can take you to the US embassy. By the way, what's with all the wires?"

04/02/19 12:45:42

"We're going to need a bigger sofa."

30/01/19 20:52:26

Sure, she's got nice bananas, but just wait till you see her melons.

27/01/19 8:14:37

She had an ass that didn't know when to quit.

08/01/19 20:10:58

Before breathalyzers, intoxication level tests were more complicated.

19/12/18 20:13:19

Experienced captioneers will just know they're watching football.

12/06/19 20:02:29

I bet she's a good dribbler . --stone face

"I see red, people."

05/06/19 8:13:14

Based on fossilised remains it's evident that if not for tar pits and sinking sand, we'd be surrounded by dinosaurs and woolly mammoths today.

02/06/19 8:28:19

"I don't know about you two, but I'm beginning to wish I'd been cremated."

23/05/19 12:03:00

"Don't forget to get dogfood" - SEND

19/05/19 8:20:51

Jude is thrilled with her new job as a toilet brush. Jude is strange.

18/05/19 12:32:15

I have a pick-up line that never fails. Watch this.

"Hi there, what are you reading?"

"F*ck off."

I have a pick-up line that nearly never fails.

17/05/19 8:02:51

It ain't over till the ... it's over.

14/05/19 13:06:36

Most people don't know that storks are mute. Here is an example of a stork saying nothing.

10/05/19 12:17:39

Apart from being fluent in over six million forms of communication, C-3PO could also provide an excellent shooting rest ... if encouraged.

10/05/19 8:20:03

"God Shave The Queen."

"Yep, a few people have already used that caption Mr. Connery."

"Capshun? What capshun?"

04/05/19 20:34:41

"And Sarah, do you take John to be your lawful husband. To have and to hold. To lay down and expose your genitals on command. To beg for it like a bitch in heat. So help you God?"

01/05/19 12:46:48

"Maybe it's the beer goggles, but that bar-bitch is looking mighty fine."

29/04/19 8:29:17

Back when animal testing wasn't frowned upon it was used to answer all sorts of questions, like here: Which hair type is most intelligent, blondes, brunettes, or redheads?

"Ok, ready, paws on bonnet ... Who was the thirteenth President of the United States?"

28/04/19 23:33:38

Never abuse a Dalek clerk.

25/04/19 8:03:32

"Thank-you, thank-you. Nobody expected the event to last 5 years, but it was worth it to be crowned World Headstand Champion."

18/04/19 21:00:28

"F*ck I hate bumblebees!"

17/04/19 20:02:23

There's something fishy about this photo.

13/04/19 12:00:36

"Ground Control to Major Tom
Your circuit's dead, there's something wrong
Can you hear me, Major Tom?
Can you hear me, Major Tom?
Can you hear me, Major Tom?"
"Ah yep. Yep I can hear you. I was just um ... admiring the view ... Jeez, planet Earth is blue."

09/04/19 13:33:10

"Either get down here now, or put your cape on Clark."

06/04/19 10:17:49

"Excellent R2-D2 impression Karim. Can you do Tyrion Lannister?"

27/03/19 21:48:46

The international symbol for Captioneers draw a blank.

25/03/19 8:30:38

Before his pet python young Kai had a puppy ... don't mention the puppy.

23/03/19 20:08:11

Laboratory Retriever

22/03/19 12:24:58

"Well, with special effects it looked a lot cooler, but you get the idea."

20/03/19 8:02:46

Stroking the sweet little pussy reminded Private Jones of his girlfriend back home. She had a cat.

18/03/19 8:22:18

"By golly I hate army rations ... nice kitty ... dried bread and biscuits ... niice kitty ... it's been so long since we've had meat ... niiice kitty ..."

18/03/19 8:06:38