lol creative

"I'm trying to be sneaky here. Could you stop playing that bloody cello?"

01/09/23 20:02:48

lol x4

"This is most embarrassing, but could you help? Somehow I've caught my penis in the fence."

18/07/21 12:55:41

lol x2 creative

"Luke, I am your farmer."

23/03/19 8:46:34

lol x2 creative clever x2

Wash his hands hopefully.

22/01/19 8:22:17

lol x3

*Ding*
"Whiskas!"
"No, I'm sorry, Tibbles, the correct answer was Pope Benedict the sixteenth."

13/01/23 12:10:08, edited: 13/01/23 12:31:58

This public gathering is just asking to get Corona.

12/05/20 8:16:32

Looks like the shit's hit the van.

16/07/23 8:23:55

lol

"Lord Vader, the Rebels are attacking. Perhaps you should change out of your pyjamas."

27/12/22 20:01:39

lol

"Come on Darth, you slaughtered the Jedi, blew up a planet, killed your mentor ... I reckon 200 hours of community service is fair."

17/03/22 8:01:22

lol x3

Dave was horrified to discover the spyhole in his neighbour's fence had been removed, along with the fence.

09/03/21 12:35:25

lol

Marcel Marsupial

29/04/23 8:05:06

"Disaster here in the Paralympic eventing course as Wu Chan's wheelchair refuses to take that jump."

01/12/22 20:07:31

lol clever

"Gosh darn it," said Davy-Bob. "Nobody told me you could reload them."

12/12/21 12:08:44

Javelins should only be thrown outdoors.

03/02/20 12:00:41

I have a strange urge to whack her with an oversize rubber mallet.

17/11/20 9:17:11

creative clever

The cheap seats at the opera are OK. Just make sure you duck when they turn the spotlights on.

31/07/20 8:09:57

clever

Some people shouldn't be allowed to raise children.

16/09/22 12:00:35

"Perfect, my last batch was a little on the dark side."

29/03/22 20:28:20

lol x2

"I'm sorry luv, but Noah said I'm only allowed to bring one, and Nancy's got better tits."

06/04/21 12:26:41

Harold always believed the son shone out of his arse.

27/08/20 8:00:40

clever

If dodos had been better jugglers they wouldn't be extinct.

08/02/20 12:00:17

lol

All Day Breakfast

21/05/19 12:00:27

lol creative

It was a beautiful wedding, but the honeymoon in France didn't end well.

01/03/19 20:13:39

"The good news, Mr. Smith, is that the birth went fine. The bad news is that your wife may need a few stitches."

17/08/23 20:05:32, edited: 17/08/23 20:06:03

creative

"Hang on, mum, we haven't tied the string round Billy's bad tooth yet."

18/12/22 20:43:09

lol

...and who can forget Dave's final words:

"Jeez mate, for a big fella you've got a tiny penis."

27/04/21 20:40:05

lol clever

Kiwi fruit

27/11/20 8:36:38

Nobody makes better balloon animals than Dave.

29/09/20 20:15:41

Giving up smoking, diary entry day 23: Either I'm starting to hallucinate or my wife is a bitch.

03/03/19 20:47:18

"I'm sure we've met, but I'm sorry, my short term memory is terrible."

Fri 8:03:59

lol

"Oh my God! That bull is doing International Sign Language with his horns!"

"Really? What's he saying?"

"Moo."

16/11/22 20:01:07, edited: 16/11/22 20:01:48

lol

"So God created Adam in His own image, which, strangely, was that of a 70s pornstar."

07/05/22 13:28:08

"Quick! Straighten the sign!"

14/12/20 8:05:11

Barbie hasn't changed much in the last 60 years. Ken on the other hand ...

24/11/20 8:17:40

lol

Always buy your catnip from a trusted source.

08/09/20 14:23:56

lol

Looks like the match went to sudden death.

17/07/19 8:30:33

clever

"And here's 4,999 I prepared earlier."

11/08/23 20:20:11

lol x2

When you get drunk, try to jump over something you shouldn't, stumble, land awkwardly on an unsuspecting wombat who gets wedged up your arse so you have to waddle home and get your mum to pull it out... We've all been there.

10/08/23 20:47:41

"Are you going to take the train, Dave?"

"Nah, I think I'll catch a cab."

18/06/23 8:03:56

creative

"The worst thing about Great Floods," moaned God. "Is having to dry everything afterwards."

04/06/23 12:01:22

Knot the Nine O'Clock News

01/01/23 20:00:20

Copper feel

09/11/22 12:00:44

What the hell is Sambuchino, and why is throwing it at gnomes a good defence?

31/08/22 8:10:06

The Dunhills have Eyes

09/07/22 8:00:27

"That's OK, you're swimming in our septic tank."

19/05/22 8:02:06

Dear Mrs Parker,

While we understand your frustration, we regret to inform you that even though your neighbour was perfectly within their rights to have any garden ornaments they chose, yours exceeds the new garden ornament standards we introduced after your complaint. Please remove it immediately.

Yours sincerely,
Luton Town Council

08/10/21 8:08:37

"Sorry to intrude, but could I please have my rubber bone back?"

19/07/21 8:07:59

lol

Sadly, none of the gospels recorded Jesus's performance of YMCA.

23/04/21 12:12:14

Men be hoovering badly

22/03/21 8:04:11

US politics are insane, General Lee speaking.

24/01/21 8:06:09

"Hey guys, just wondering, if it's not too much trouble, if maybe, just maybe, I could get a bigger litter tray?"

12/04/20 8:01:39

lol

"... and then he took his shirt off and things started to get weird."

09/04/20 20:40:08

lol

No animals were harmed during the making of this picture, but some were highly pissed off.

25/03/20 8:07:25

lol

"Ok Dave, you create a diversion while I steal the mini."

09/01/20 12:14:25

"Stick out your tongue Gulliver. STICK OUT YOUR TONGUE!"

Lilliputian torturers are nasty little bastards.

05/12/19 8:04:18

lol clever

"Look at that old lady swallowing a fly. Should we avoid her?"

"Nah, looks like she's chasing a spider now. We should be fine."

02/09/19 8:57:49

"One way or another Monsieur, you will leave a tip."

05/03/19 12:24:57

"Well Sir, we don't actually need to strip search you, but we do appreciate your eagerness to cooperate."

15/02/19 20:16:18

"Ok, so I'll organise the church, the guest list, the reception venue, the menu, the flowers, and the photos. Dave, you can sort the transport."

13/08/23 20:31:47

lol

"Any last words, sir?"

"Yes. I'd like to thank whomever forgot the rope."

04/06/23 20:52:29, edited: 04/06/23 20:55:29

And in Dublin, the annual 'Swap you Wife for a Keg of Guinness' promotion kicks off.

04/05/23 8:01:19

A minor

22/03/23 12:11:18

"Hmmn, do you reckon we should put the 'Out of Order' sign at the bottom or the top?"

06/03/23 12:29:17

"I think I'm gonna find a new Best Man, Dave. This Stag Do sucks."

09/02/23 12:17:23

lol

Despairing the inevitable onslaught of excruciating puns, the bananas chose suicide.

15/01/23 20:18:34

"The pearly gates are open, Your Majesty," said St. Peter. "But you may wish to let go of that leash first."

[Happy to delete if anyone thinks this is 'too soon']

03/12/22 8:21:53, edited: 03/12/22 8:39:07

This was the problem with the Mahunti-gathi tribe of deepest Peru. Half of them were hunters. Half of them were gatherers. None of them were mechanics.

08/11/22 12:50:33, edited: 08/11/22 12:56:06

"Honey, there's a problem with Rex's new glass eye."

"Really? Don't tell me they got the colour wrong..."

08/05/22 13:53:13

lol

"On the plus side, my hemorrhoids are gone."

12/03/22 12:00:56

Titanic 2: The Reunion

01/02/22 8:02:45

lol x2

"Ma'am, I'd like to help fix your flat tyre, but I believe travelling alone in a high octane 6.2 litre V8 truck, when you could be driving a small electric vehicle, carpooling, or using public transport, is totally irresponsible and endangers the very planet we live on."

"I'll show you my boobs."

"Where's your jack?"

18/11/21 13:17:02

"Oh hell, not again. I wish your mother would tell me when she's pregnant."

19/10/21 8:20:26

"Cut! This isn't working. Maybe we should try that laser sword idea after all?"

12/09/21 20:56:53

lol creative

Users have been experiencing weird error messages when trying to vote for certain captions.

To help identify the problem, please try voting for this test caption.

[admin@caption.me.nigeria]

26/08/21 21:20:59

"What are you celebrating?"

"Breathing!"

12/08/21 8:05:59

"Here's five bucks kid," said Tina from Doncaster. "It's been a while."

17/04/21 20:58:08

"🎵 Karma, karma, karma, karma, karma chamele..."

"Stop it."

06/03/21 20:00:44

It was Alvin's coke habit that caused the band to break up.

04/03/21 20:13:45

lol

Bloody Royal Mail. You post something 65 million years in advance and it still arrives a month late.

25/01/21 12:59:28

lol x2

This takes me back to the old days before internet porn, when the centrespread in National Geographic would have to suffice.

17/12/20 20:34:15

lol

We've all hugged the toilet once or twice in our lives. Susan, however, took it to a whole new level.

29/03/20 9:17:00

Funny, I dated a vegetarian once and she didn't like little willies.

01/03/20 8:37:20

"Good thinking Ahmed, this trip across the Sahara will be much better with air-conditioning."

16/02/20 20:03:32

And in his spare time Spiderman helps Gulliver floss.

07/02/20 13:01:19

"Ah, here's your problem. You have a big red arrow stuck in your knee."

Mon 20:14:22

That bloody Al Overy and his caption.me prizes.

10/09/23 8:04:13

"SHOAL!!!"

29/08/23 12:11:08

-"Could I please have a large cone with sprinkles?"
-"Ah, no, sorry, we're an ambulance, not an ice-cream van."
-"Oh, my apologies, I'm a cow, I can't read."

20/08/23 8:32:52

"And that was Li Hong Ko performing a triple twist double somersault inverted tuck. Next up, we have Tina from Doncaster."

06/03/23 8:13:43

lol

"For Crissake, there's no need to call Social Services, the damn baby isn't even mine."

31/01/23 20:08:36

"Nah, that's rubbish," said Walt Disney. "Let's try dogs and spaghetti."

01/11/22 8:00:55, edited: 01/11/22 8:04:08

"Sure, it stings now, but you'll thank me when you're grown up and immune to jellyfish."

06/10/22 12:04:54, edited: 06/10/22 12:13:33

When she sobered up, Rose suddenly wished for an iceberg.

10/08/22 14:16:38

Later that evening...

🙁🥴😠🤮

18/05/22 8:27:06

lol clever

"Chris Beach certainly has an eclectic record collection."

"Yes, but my gut says there's some subtle common theme..."

13/05/22 14:37:30

Despite her abnormal childhood, Susan grew up to be a perfectly normal serial killer.

04/11/21 12:07:00

lol

"Put down the knife, Davy, and let's discuss this silly hat idea."

18/10/21 12:20:10

Mittens was later convicted by concrete evidence.

07/10/21 20:08:30