James Lennox

"Luke, I am your farmer."

23/03/19 8:46:34

Haha. I don't mind chipping in a tenner for second place (it definitely will not be one of mine)!! Great caption. Genuinely choked on my toast. So thanks for nearly killing me! --The Wolf

£50
WINNER

lol x2

Wash his hands hopefully.

clever x2

22/01/19 8:22:17

Thanks Dave and everyone else. Chuffed to be on the board and loving the spirit of Caption.me. Will continue to represent the hobbits down here in NZ. Cheers all. --James Lennox

This public gathering is just asking to get Corona.

12/05/20 8:16:32

£50
WINNER

"What do you think Dave?"

"Well Sir, it looks like some sort of large grey box."

creative x2

28/04/20 20:23:57

First off, I'd like to thank the Academy ... no but seriously, thanks to Chris for picking #3 (I too preferred it to my other), and kudos to Smuldo for being equal #1. Thanks also to Mr. Dome for his "BeeSI: Miami", which forced me to edit my ... --James Lennox

Javelins should only be thrown outdoors.

03/02/20 12:00:41

The good news is she was standing just past the world record distance. --Willie Johnson

The cheap seats at the opera are OK. Just make sure you duck when they turn the spotlights on.

31/07/20 8:09:57

If dodos had been better jugglers they wouldn't be extinct.

08/02/20 12:00:17

21/05/19 12:00:27

It was a beautiful wedding, but the honeymoon in France didn't end well.

01/03/19 20:13:39

Giving up smoking, diary entry day 23: Either I'm starting to hallucinate or my wife is a bitch.

03/03/19 20:47:18

No she’s not, she menthol 🙃 --Karen Oakenfull

Looks like the match went to sudden death.

17/07/19 8:30:33

"Hey guys, just wondering, if it's not too much trouble, if maybe, just maybe, I could get a bigger litter tray?"

12/04/20 8:01:39

"... and then he took his shirt off and things started to get weird."

09/04/20 20:40:08

No animals were harmed during the making of this picture, but some were highly pissed off.

25/03/20 8:07:25

"No animals were harmed" - just someone's dignity. --Willie Johnson

"Ok Dave, you create a diversion while I steal the mini."

09/01/20 12:14:25

"Stick out your tongue Gulliver. STICK OUT YOUR TONGUE!"

Lilliputian torturers are nasty little bastards.

05/12/19 8:04:18

"Look at that old lady swallowing a fly. Should we avoid her?"

"Nah, looks like she's chasing a spider now. We should be fine."

02/09/19 8:57:49

"One way or another Monsieur, you will leave a tip."

05/03/19 12:24:57

"Well Sir, we don't actually need to strip search you, but we do appreciate your eagerness to cooperate."

15/02/19 20:16:18

We've all hugged the toilet once or twice in our lives. Susan, however, took it to a whole new level.

29/03/20 9:17:00

Funny, I dated a vegetarian once and she didn't like little willies.

01/03/20 8:37:20

"Good thinking Ahmed, this trip across the Sahara will be much better with air-conditioning."

16/02/20 20:03:32

And in his spare time Spiderman helps Gulliver floss.

07/02/20 13:01:19

That awkward first date moment, when she wants you to regurgitate food into her mouth, but you're not sure if you should.

19/07/20 8:14:06

You'd think that no matter how inebriated someone got, that they wouldn't eat someone else's vomit - however it wouldn't surprise me if someone somewhere had a story like that to tell. --Glyn Evans

The top half looks good, but dig a little deeper and you'll find she's got crabs.

29/05/20 20:14:51

Warning, terrible pun ahead, brace yourselves.

24/03/20 20:24:26

OrthoDON'Tics --Scrijjy Doo

My wife wanted a baby, I wanted a fridge magnet, we compromised.

26/06/19 8:00:40

Scientists at CERN say it's nothing to worry about.

23/03/19 13:42:05

He's been driving around in circles for ages.

20/02/19 12:00:19

Gloves and mask are required PPE - Lab coat is optional.

30/04/20 8:03:23

I hope to move here, I'm sick of living in Wanking.

16/04/20 20:19:03

To: parents@gmail.com
"I have your children. Will exchange for 6 rolls of bog paper and a bottle of hand sanitiser. Do you agree with these terms?"

To: kidnapper@gmail.com
"Nah, keep them."

31/03/20 13:07:22

Pareidolia is a psychological phenomenon that causes people to see faces in everyday things, unless you're a Captioneer and then you see tits and penises.

Hot Tin Roof on a Cat

20/03/20 12:38:53

(I like it the way it is.) --Crunchy Chords

27/02/20 20:12:02

If you're a captioneer, there actually ARE faces in everyday things. --Willie Johnson

Never give bubblegum to your dog.

16/01/20 23:35:44

Well played Mr Lennox. Brilliant caption! --Karyn Harrison

Well, the ventriloquism was good, but have you thought about getting a smaller dummy?

04/09/19 8:02:16

"No Sweetie, put it down ... we have to cook it first."

20/08/19 20:00:13

Had the same idea but decided to change mine slightly at the last minute! (damn it)! Here, have a vote, I've disguised my vote as a golf ball, ready, steady, FORE...smack, (sails through the trees and down the fairway like meteor destined for hap... --The Wolf

I retract my earlier caption: THIS is the tackiest toilet I've ever seen.

24/04/19 20:09:10

Replace your groin armour now Stormtrooper #66!

26/01/19 12:12:44

rg;;oij gapo htm'm thejioj; astj ast garg ,.o g oh nagi ,ngauh greopq gihn kl;ma iyk q.,

... Shit, turns out I have to look at the keyboard to type.

Sat 8:06:12

"Hello sailor, do you need a tug?"

26/06/20 12:00:35

Dirty bitch has been frigging in rigging again.Bye the way send the Missus home when you've done with her please I need my dinner. --Flo .

Say goodbye to costly toilet paper!

Say hello to costly wallpaper!

09/04/20 12:01:41

Yet another sensible reason why every American should own a gun.

Triplicat

17/03/20 8:27:18

20/02/20 20:30:21

Nothing says Prince of Demonic Evil like a V-neck sweater.

24/01/20 8:04:46

"A little help here guys, this damn sign's heavy."

12/01/20 20:00:48

It's weird how in every group of friends there's always one muppet.

16/12/19 8:00:53

Damn. I'm an atheist.

21/11/19 20:00:24

Thank God for that. --Chris Halliwell

How much is that Dobby in the window?

08/10/19 20:00:10

"It's fine. Don't mind me. Pretend I'm not here. Go back to sleep."

28/07/19 8:00:16

The photo doesn't show how truly impressive this is. They're actually jumping it backwards.

30/06/19 8:13:44

Due to recent controversy, all red-headed children must be blurred in photos.

10/05/19 8:01:23

"Menstrual cycle - Mood. Do you understand now?"

26/01/19 9:26:11

"Give it up kid, with these ears I'm never going to fly."

24/06/20 12:12:30

The shipment of ultra powerful magnets was going smoother than Dave had expected.

20/04/20 20:38:59

Sally and Ted were high school sweethearts and she had been fiercely loyal to him for twenty years, apart from that one time she screwed Satan.

08/03/20 8:08:58

They might be on to a winner with Satan if the child in the hat is their regular offspring. --Glyn Evans

♪ All I Want For Crispness Is You ♪

06/02/20 20:00:10

Mariah Crispness (belatedly, or extremely early). --Willie Johnson

Typical bloody Captioneers. Post a beautiful photo of a hummingbird and you're lucky to get a dozen captions, but put up a pic of a giant inflatable penis and you can't shut the bastards up.

31/01/20 20:44:28

"F*ck it's cold," said the Red Dragon.

18/12/19 20:19:08

He's clearly bananas.

29/11/19 8:16:57

"And the winner of this year's Baptist Church Hide and Seek competition is ... God ... again."

07/11/19 20:00:18

Highland fling

30/10/19 8:17:06

She's a bit tall and bald, but I'd have her.

28/10/19 12:07:30

Needless to say, the bridesmaids were not happy.

27/10/19 12:08:41

Copycat

[Nod 12:00:09 & 12:00:10]

06/10/19 13:33:58

I love that there are 3 copycats. Brilliant. --Dan Nicholls

A Wedding and Two Funerals.

25/09/19 8:27:31

This explains how Jason came back from the dead 8 times.

02/09/19 20:02:22

"Don't worry about it mate, that water was bloody cold."

21/08/19 8:09:52

That sinking feeling when you're about to become extinct.

02/06/19 8:00:40

Holy Shit

27/05/19 12:00:10

That's the tackiest toilet seat I've ever seen.

24/04/19 8:01:27

Oscar Pistorius' latest escape attempt.

10/04/19 13:07:25

It's no mean feet --Mr Dome

"Grandmother, what big eyes you have."

08/04/19 12:00:22

... of Driving into Miss Daisy.

05/04/19 12:33:19

The problem has been the red pen. If we switch to a green one things will improve.

26/01/19 8:33:37

"Lassie, my hand is caught in the filter. Unlock the gate latch with your teeth, then open the door inside with your paws. Knock the phone off the receiver and tap 9-9-9 with your nose. When someone answers, bark out Morse code for S-O-S. Go girl!"

"... woof?"

12/07/20 20:17:47

I love the new extended Director's Cut, but I'll leave it up to you Karyn. Edit: Glad you agree! :^) --Crunchy Chords

It's always embarrassing when your anteater sneezes in public.

19/06/20 0:20:45

Even worse when he eats it. --Willie Johnson

Typical, me and my mates were enjoying a nice day at the beach, then bang on lunchtime a f*cking Captioneer showed up.

28/05/20 12:03:46

I told her not to insult my horse.

16/05/20 8:03:42

Makes you wonder what she's doing with her other hand?

07/03/20 9:25:47

You think head lice are bad, try having fire bugs.

02/02/20 8:39:43

Ah, the hummingbird, the songbird's shy cousin.

31/01/20 8:24:20

Due to a strict censorship doctrine all Japanese porn is pixelated.

14/01/20 12:23:38

I think the hedgehog's been done to death ... but another ten minutes in the oven wouldn't hurt.

12/12/19 20:11:36

I find myself strangely attracted to her, but maybe it's just gravity.

04/12/19 21:06:26

I have a sudden urge to give Peace a chance ... twice.

28/11/19 8:02:02

"Where'd that guy in the 'Homo Sex Leads to Hell' shirt disappear to?"

12/11/19 20:06:44

"I'll give you a banana when you finish writing that complete works of Shakespeare."

28/10/19 12:15:47

Sometimes my wife and I role play that she's a prostitute and I'm a horny client. This is a picture of me practising with a real prostitute.

07/10/19 12:46:09

They warned us AI would take over the world, but when my smartphone became fully sentient it just decided to get its charging port pierced.

04/10/19 8:24:14

♪Paper-bike Rider♪

01/08/19 8:01:01

Just a regular day at the beach for Evel Knievel.

13/06/19 8:34:54

"Look at that girl taking our photo over her shoulder. Weirdo."

20/05/19 8:09:41

Ground Hog Day ... I feel like I've read this caption before.

13/05/19 22:51:52

Must have been on the grounds of the pork. --Willie Johnson

The moment the Invisible Man realised he wasn't that special.

25/04/19 8:05:14

Woolly Jumpers

25/03/19 20:00:21

The rumour that King Midas died while masturbating turned out to be true.

13/02/19 20:29:48

"How does a bunny keep his fur neat? With a hare brush ... What do you call 100 rabbits walking backwards? A receding hare line ... I read a story about a rabbit being raised. It was a hare-raising tale ..."

"Oh dear God mum, please make him stop!"

07/05/20 8:52:01

He'll rabbit on for hours. --John Glover

"Toilet paper for a week! Yay!"

23/04/20 20:27:02

The Lord provides. --Scrijjy Doo

My dog's just like me, he prefers it when somebody else licks his balls.

17/03/20 15:19:20

Obviously she's not a natural blonde.

16/03/20 8:03:33

If you're going to hump a table leg, it pays to get a good grip.

09/03/20 20:07:26

Thank you! :) --Karyn Harrison

"Don't wear anything fancy, just keep it Loki."

01/03/20 12:43:34

I've complained about endless comic book characters, gay pride parades, and black and white zoo photos, but right at this moment Kenneth, all is forgiven.

17/02/20 8:14:54

You've had 164 profile views today.

04/02/20 12:40:28

That makes it even more funny. Well done.Out of curiosity: at what number did you start?:^) --Crunchy Chords

The in-flight meal was good, but the desert was a little dry.

03/02/20 20:06:40

How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb

28/01/20 20:04:10

It's a strange love, doctor.. --stone face

Master forgers often leave a barely perceptible difference to identify their work from the original.

13/01/20 8:49:14

"Quickly, to the Batmobilia!"

16/12/19 12:46:08

Capuchin.me

28/10/19 12:00:11

If anyone says Decaption.me I'll vomit.

28/10/19 8:00:46

Sick caption, sis/bro --Mr Dome

Worst pirate costume ever.

25/10/19 12:23:49

Shit, wardrobe malfunction ... send out the red spiky number as a distraction.

18/09/19 8:04:13

I wondered if someone would notice the arseless ensemble behind her. Good caption for it! :^) --Crunchy Chords

Look closely, they managed to sneak a cat into this bike photo.

01/08/19 8:13:17

You must have BMX-Ray vision. --Dave Bryan

Planning permission was put in for 12 of these identical houses, but for some reason they built 13.

30/07/19 8:31:02

Turns out you CAN get too much liposuction.

27/06/19 8:41:08

"Woman, bring me a working nipple, I can't get anything out of this one."

11/06/19 12:05:26

Jesus of Nazareth

10/06/19 13:32:15

"For a gynecologist you're spending a long time looking at my shoulders."

"Sorry, I'm just building up my courage."

14/05/19 20:32:18

"Hey Bill, why did we join this stupid society again?"
"Shut up Harry, and remember the ratio. It's 6 to 1 mate."

03/04/19 9:14:20

Ever since Joe lost his wife his hoarding became a major concern. They never did find her by the way.

16/03/19 12:50:52

No wonder she used to stand over air vents.

25/02/19 20:06:05

"Two happy meals, a ride on the carousel, and a romantic walk on the beach. If I don't get a snog out of this I'm giving up dating."

03/02/19 12:26:24

Beware of rubber duckies. They're dangerous little bastards.

02/02/19 8:01:50

"Ummm ... I'll have a front right panel, a hood, 4 hub caps, a fresh paint job ... and a diet Pepsi."

30/07/20 10:44:40

The winner of the 2008 Dog Obedience "Wait" competition.

09/06/20 20:22:24

As far as sexual positions go, the reverse cowboy is one of the trickiest.

09/05/20 20:42:11

"I can't believe you screwed Dave from accounts you dirty two-timing slag."

"Well I had to screw somebody you self righteous impotent prick."

"... And smile ... *Click*"

27/02/20 12:33:51

"Hi, it's me from last night. You remember, the threesome, I was the one on the bottom."

16/02/20 8:28:14

Yeah, that guy we hired to make balloon animals at little Susie's birthday party ... I wouldn't recommend him.

31/01/20 20:47:30

Superglue, the funniest invention since the guillotine.

31/01/20 8:18:26

"So you missed the battle of Endor because, and I quote, 'The bloody kiddy lock was on'."

19/12/19 12:11:38

"For Christ's sake Kenneth, put down the camera and get this f*cking thing off my head."

18/11/19 20:11:29

Bullshit, I buy my dope off Gulliver.

14/11/19 12:22:30

I think that's a bit of a tall tale! --Karyn Harrison

Oh God. We finally make contact with an alien and he's a bloody mime.

25/10/19 8:04:42

Terrorcotta

23/10/19 10:26:27

*Free item can be another mannequin, a cat, or a bicycle.

06/10/19 8:19:14

Can't explain why, but this caption really tickled me. --Chris Beach

This is the highest resolution photo I've ever seen on Caption.me ... I still have no idea what the hell it's of.

28/09/19 8:19:04

It's probably a bike. --Dave Bryan

The other 32% are treated to a nice warm bath at KFC.

20/08/19 8:00:27

Before hair and makeup Big Bird is unrecognisable.

14/08/19 20:02:06

"And this is where I abducted you fifteen years ago."

29/07/19 8:14:07

I fell in love with her beautiful big blue eyes ... and then those damn Doctors Without Borders fixed my glaucoma.

16/07/19 8:16:17

"Thank goodness for the stork service. The alternative method is so messy."

07/05/19 20:12:53

There's nothing worse than when your cryogenic sleep is disturbed by someone looking for frozen peas.

20/04/19 12:00:22

It would probably be a sweet way to be woken in the morning ... if you owned a cat.

01/04/19 8:16:42

"So Darling, I had my piano upgraded. Do you like the pop-up scenery?"

"It's nice Dear, but installing the slide was a stroke of genius."

07/02/19 8:18:30

By the power vested in sea, I pronounce you sand and wife. You may miss the tide.

19/01/19 10:44:24

That high note in "Happy Birthday" is a bitch to hit.

Sat 20:42:44

"Before we go any further, have you tried turning it off then on again?"

26/07/20 20:10:34

Have you tried turning the caption off and then on again? Haha, just kidding. Great caption. --Willie Johnson

You'd be angry too if you had to buy your bondage and discipline clothes in the kiddy section.

21/05/20 20:14:29

Never trust signs like these. I've been arrested twice for taking free range eggs.

16/05/20 12:08:40

Free (*caption author*). --Willie Johnson

"Hi social media followers. So I got really drunk last night and when I woke up somebody had written "unt" down my chest?"

16/05/20 8:19:20

One of the pitfalls of being a member of the Cambridge University Netball Team. --Chris Halliwell

Population: ̶1̶0̶1̶ ̶1̶0̶2̶ ̶1̶0̶3̶ ̶1̶0̶4̶ 105

16/04/20 20:37:30

"Be quiet and behave kids or you'll end up like mummy, and we all remember how bad she tasted."

31/03/20 13:11:28

That's obviously photo-shopped ... crowds aren't allowed anymore.

19/03/20 20:12:13

We had the wee sign first, then we got the bigger one. Turns out size does matter.

16/03/20 12:36:15

She's just seen the sign that says "Weight must be distributed evenly on each side of the carriage".

06/03/20 16:10:44

"Just hold still while I get a pic for my Facebook page, then we'll go and get your ankle x-rayed."

15/02/20 14:12:00

After the unfortunate incident with the parking meter, the Tortoise decided to take it slow and steady.

For Your Iris Only

30/01/20 21:21:39

22/01/20 20:19:26

Santa thought he'd help save the planet by going electric, but having to stand on these bloody charging stations for 364 days pisses the reindeer right off.

14/01/20 20:36:30

No need - love them both! X --Rachel P

"I haven't been to a good Kiss concert in ages."

"Don't feel bad mate, nobody's ever been to a good Kiss concert."

20/12/19 8:46:26

Brutal... --Sam Cass

RIP tide ... Oh damn, curse my shitty internet connection speed.

18/12/19 14:11:10

Let's avoid deliberate copies of previous captions, please. This one gathered eight votes, and that seems a bit cheeky, seeing as the creativity belongs to Welsh Rarebit (12:00:03). A friendly warning to all captioneers that are tempted to copy c... --Chris Beach

"I always wash my pussy in the bathroom sink," said Mrs. Slocombe.

08/12/19 12:00:46

"So, do you come here often?"

25/11/19 20:08:43

Well, that's the last time we hire that babysitter.

23/11/19 20:32:28

It's true. I went to my psychiatrist with a fear of sexual intercourse and now I'm addicted to crack.

14/11/19 12:30:26

"I should never have made fun of that girl," Sandeep thought as he bounced off the windshield.

11/11/19 12:08:50

Lubricate bottle before insertion.

08/11/19 20:00:52

Trump Card

02/11/19 12:59:48

"What, you were expecting a clown?"

10/10/19 8:00:10

"Hi everybody, I'm back, and I've brought food."

07/10/19 20:12:31

"I had this dream. Two bears were sweetening my coffee by dancing a jive and crushing sugar cubes between their butts. Then they asked me if I wanted cream ... At this point things got weird."

07/10/19 1:19:49

Tired of being the graphic representation of a terrible pun, Blossom escaped from the get well card that read 'Ewe will soon be in the pink!'

02/10/19 8:40:21

I've had a really bad day, so I voted for this photo just to piss everyone else off.

03/09/19 8:01:09

I've had a good day, so I voted for this caption. So you didn't piss me off. --Willie Johnson

When Godzilla and The Statue of Liberty divorced, she got the house.

26/08/19 20:07:42

Some mini golf courses are just ridiculous.

19/07/19 14:34:19

The cup final has come down to a penalty shootout ... tensions are high ... the crowd goes quiet ... you nervously approach the mark ... take a deep breath ... concentrate ... and then some smartarse starts a drumroll.

17/07/19 23:15:48

Maybe, but wanking makes you blind four-eyes.

03/07/19 8:09:33

Are you sure wanking makes you blind ..I think we should have a mass debate. --stone face

"Well son, if you'd ducked when I yelled 'DUCK' you'd still have a nose."

26/06/19 20:56:16

I love playing with the spinner from The Game of Life Life Life Life Life Life Life Life Life.

07/06/19 8:00:18

That "Should I chew my arm off?" moment.

01/06/19 8:02:22

"So the new flatmate, his name's Dexter?"

30/05/19 12:09:05

"Suicide watch? Your service sucks. I jumped 45 minutes ago."

08/05/19 8:12:31

This is without doubt the longest I have stared at a dog's arsehole. I hope the rest of you can say the same.

05/05/19 9:43:27

Sad to say...... I think I can say the same. --Willie Johnson

Joan doesn't suffer from alzheimer's, but sometimes she wishes she did.

10/04/19 8:42:08

"Oh, a mobile DJ mega boom truck, can I make a request?"
"Yep sure."
"Please fuck off."

08/04/19 8:23:58

I don't give a FCUK --Molly R

Rarely captured on camera, the queen bee is a magnificent creature.

26/03/19 12:01:32

Who hasn't faked a heart attack to get out of a kid's birthday party?

13/03/19 8:04:11

She's had her hair straightened. It used to be wavy.

11/03/19 20:19:57

I did think about posting a separate caption rather than just a comment but as long as you are the same author as the original I posted my comment on, I'm happy. Nice one 😁 --Mr Dome

"So, a 6-0 loss isn't good, but cheer up mate, we've got the shower to look forward to."

11/03/19 8:43:46

"So, he was about my height, and he'll be wearing what I used to be wearing."

04/03/19 20:02:12

"Sorry James, we can't put 'Arsebandit' on the plaque. How about 'Architect' instead?"

28/01/19 20:00:41

John sank into a deep depression after his wife left him for a Sony 65 inch Ultra HD.

22/01/19 20:19:44