James Lennox

"Luke, I am your farmer."

23/03/19 8:46:34

Haha. I don't mind chipping in a tenner for second place (it definitely will not be one of mine)!! Great caption. Genuinely choked on my toast. So thanks for nearly killing me! --The Wolf

£50
WINNER

lol x2

Wash his hands hopefully.

clever x2

22/01/19 8:22:17

Thanks Dave and everyone else. Chuffed to be on the board and loving the spirit of Caption.me. Will continue to represent the hobbits down here in NZ. Cheers all. --James Lennox

Javelins should only be thrown outdoors.

03/02/20 12:00:41

The good news is she was standing just past the world record distance. --Willie Johnson

If dodos had been better jugglers they wouldn't be extinct.

08/02/20 12:00:17

21/05/19 12:00:27

It was a beautiful wedding, but the honeymoon in France didn't end well.

01/03/19 20:13:39

Giving up smoking, diary entry day 23: Either I'm starting to hallucinate or my wife is a bitch.

03/03/19 20:47:18

No she’s not, she menthol 🙃 --Karen Oakenfull

Looks like the match went to sudden death.

17/07/19 8:30:33

No animals were harmed during the making of this picture, but some were highly pissed off.

25/03/20 8:07:25

"No animals were harmed" - just someone's dignity. --Willie Johnson

"Ok Dave, you create a diversion while I steal the mini."

09/01/20 12:14:25

"Stick out your tongue Gulliver. STICK OUT YOUR TONGUE!"

Lilliputian torturers are nasty little bastards.

05/12/19 8:04:18

"Look at that old lady swallowing a fly. Should we avoid her?"

"Nah, looks like she's chasing a spider now. We should be fine."

02/09/19 8:57:49

"One way or another Monsieur, you will leave a tip."

05/03/19 12:24:57

"Well Sir, we don't actually need to strip search you, but we do appreciate your eagerness to cooperate."

15/02/19 20:16:18

We've all hugged the toilet once or twice in our lives. Susan, however, took it to a whole new level.

29/03/20 9:17:00

Funny, I dated a vegetarian once and she didn't like little willies.

01/03/20 8:37:20

"Good thinking Ahmed, this trip across the Sahara will be much better with air-conditioning."

16/02/20 20:03:32

And in his spare time Spiderman helps Gulliver floss.

07/02/20 13:01:19

Warning, terrible pun ahead, brace yourselves.

24/03/20 20:24:26

OrthoDON'Tics --Scrijjy Doo

My wife wanted a baby, I wanted a fridge magnet, we compromised.

26/06/19 8:00:40

Scientists at CERN say it's nothing to worry about.

23/03/19 13:42:05

He's been driving around in circles for ages.

20/02/19 12:00:19

To: parents@gmail.com
"I have your children. Will exchange for 6 rolls of bog paper and a bottle of hand sanitiser. Do you agree with these terms?"

To: kidnapper@gmail.com
"Nah, keep them."

31/03/20 13:07:22

Pareidolia is a psychological phenomenon that causes people to see faces in everyday things, unless you're a Captioneer and then you see tits and penises.

Hot Tin Roof on a Cat

20/03/20 12:38:53

(I like it the way it is.) --Crunchy Chords

27/02/20 20:12:02

If you're a captioneer, there actually ARE faces in everyday things. --Willie Johnson

Never give bubblegum to your dog.

16/01/20 23:35:44

Well played Mr Lennox. Brilliant caption! --Karyn Harrison

Well, the ventriloquism was good, but have you thought about getting a smaller dummy?

04/09/19 8:02:16

"No Sweetie, put it down ... we have to cook it first."

20/08/19 20:00:13

Had the same idea but decided to change mine slightly at the last minute! (damn it)! Here, have a vote, I've disguised my vote as a golf ball, ready, steady, FORE...smack, (sails through the trees and down the fairway like meteor destined for hap... --The Wolf

I retract my earlier caption: THIS is the tackiest toilet I've ever seen.

24/04/19 20:09:10

Replace your groin armour now Stormtrooper #66!

26/01/19 12:12:44

Yet another sensible reason why every American should own a gun.

Triplicat

17/03/20 8:27:18

20/02/20 20:30:21

Nothing says Prince of Demonic Evil like a V-neck sweater.

24/01/20 8:04:46

"A little help here guys, this damn sign's heavy."

12/01/20 20:00:48

It's weird how in every group of friends there's always one muppet.

16/12/19 8:00:53

Damn. I'm an atheist.

21/11/19 20:00:24

Thank God for that. --Chris Halliwell

How much is that Dobby in the window?

08/10/19 20:00:10

"It's fine. Don't mind me. Pretend I'm not here. Go back to sleep."

28/07/19 8:00:16

The photo doesn't show how truly impressive this is. They're actually jumping it backwards.

30/06/19 8:13:44

Due to recent controversy, all red-headed children must be blurred in photos.

10/05/19 8:01:23

"Menstrual cycle - Mood. Do you understand now?"

26/01/19 9:26:11

Sally and Ted were high school sweethearts and she had been fiercely loyal to him for twenty years, apart from that one time she screwed Satan.

08/03/20 8:08:58

They might be on to a winner with Satan if the child in the hat is their regular offspring. --Glyn Evans

♪ All I Want For Crispness Is You ♪

06/02/20 20:00:10

Mariah Crispness (belatedly, or extremely early). --Willie Johnson

Typical bloody Captioneers. Post a beautiful photo of a hummingbird and you're lucky to get a dozen captions, but put up a pic of a giant inflatable penis and you can't shut the bastards up.

31/01/20 20:44:28

"F*ck it's cold," said the Red Dragon.

18/12/19 20:19:08

He's clearly bananas.

29/11/19 8:16:57

"And the winner of this year's Baptist Church Hide and Seek competition is ... God ... again."

07/11/19 20:00:18

Highland fling

30/10/19 8:17:06

She's a bit tall and bald, but I'd have her.

28/10/19 12:07:30

Needless to say, the bridesmaids were not happy.

27/10/19 12:08:41

Copycat

[Nod 12:00:09 & 12:00:10]

06/10/19 13:33:58

I love that there are 3 copycats. Brilliant. --Dan Nicholls

A Wedding and Two Funerals.

25/09/19 8:27:31

This explains how Jason came back from the dead 8 times.

02/09/19 20:02:22

"Don't worry about it mate, that water was bloody cold."

21/08/19 8:09:52

That sinking feeling when you're about to become extinct.

02/06/19 8:00:40

Holy Shit

27/05/19 12:00:10

That's the tackiest toilet seat I've ever seen.

24/04/19 8:01:27

Oscar Pistorius' latest escape attempt.

10/04/19 13:07:25

It's no mean feet --Mr Dome

"Grandmother, what big eyes you have."

08/04/19 12:00:22

... of Driving into Miss Daisy.

05/04/19 12:33:19

The problem has been the red pen. If we switch to a green one things will improve.

26/01/19 8:33:37

Makes you wonder what she's doing with her other hand?

07/03/20 9:25:47

You think head lice are bad, try having fire bugs.

02/02/20 8:39:43

Ah, the hummingbird, the songbird's shy cousin.

31/01/20 8:24:20

Due to a strict censorship doctrine all Japanese porn is pixelated.

14/01/20 12:23:38

I think the hedgehog's been done to death ... but another ten minutes in the oven wouldn't hurt.

12/12/19 20:11:36

I find myself strangely attracted to her, but maybe it's just gravity.

04/12/19 21:06:26

I have a sudden urge to give Peace a chance ... twice.

28/11/19 8:02:02

"Where'd that guy in the 'Homo Sex Leads to Hell' shirt disappear to?"

12/11/19 20:06:44

"I'll give you a banana when you finish writing that complete works of Shakespeare."

28/10/19 12:15:47

Sometimes my wife and I role play that she's a prostitute and I'm a horny client. This is a picture of me practising with a real prostitute.

07/10/19 12:46:09

They warned us AI would take over the world, but when my smartphone became fully sentient it just decided to get its charging port pierced.

04/10/19 8:24:14

♪Paper-bike Rider♪

01/08/19 8:01:01

Just a regular day at the beach for Evel Knievel.

13/06/19 8:34:54

"Look at that girl taking our photo over her shoulder. Weirdo."

20/05/19 8:09:41

Ground Hog Day ... I feel like I've read this caption before.

13/05/19 22:51:52

Must have been on the grounds of the pork. --Willie Johnson

The moment the Invisible Man realised he wasn't that special.

25/04/19 8:05:14

Woolly Jumpers

25/03/19 20:00:21

The rumour that King Midas died while masturbating turned out to be true.

13/02/19 20:29:48

My dog's just like me, he prefers it when somebody else licks his balls.

17/03/20 15:19:20

Obviously she's not a natural blonde.

16/03/20 8:03:33

If you're going to hump a table leg, it pays to get a good grip.

09/03/20 20:07:26

Thank you! :) --Karyn Harrison

"Don't wear anything fancy, just keep it Loki."

01/03/20 12:43:34

I've complained about endless comic book characters, gay pride parades, and black and white zoo photos, but right at this moment Kenneth, all is forgiven.

17/02/20 8:14:54

You've had 164 profile views today.

04/02/20 12:40:28

That makes it even more funny. Well done.Out of curiosity: at what number did you start?:^) --Crunchy Chords

The in-flight meal was good, but the desert was a little dry.

03/02/20 20:06:40

How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb

28/01/20 20:04:10

It's a strange love, doctor.. --stone face

Master forgers often leave a barely perceptible difference to identify their work from the original.

13/01/20 8:49:14

"Quickly, to the Batmobilia!"

16/12/19 12:46:08

Capuchin.me

28/10/19 12:00:11

If anyone says Decaption.me I'll vomit.

28/10/19 8:00:46

Sick caption, sis/bro --Mr Dome

Worst pirate costume ever.

25/10/19 12:23:49

Shit, wardrobe malfunction ... send out the red spiky number as a distraction.

18/09/19 8:04:13

I wondered if someone would notice the arseless ensemble behind her. Good caption for it! :^) --Crunchy Chords

Look closely, they managed to sneak a cat into this bike photo.

01/08/19 8:13:17

You must have BMX-Ray vision. --Dave Bryan

Planning permission was put in for 12 of these identical houses, but for some reason they built 13.

30/07/19 8:31:02

Turns out you CAN get too much liposuction.

27/06/19 8:41:08

"Woman, bring me a working nipple, I can't get anything out of this one."

11/06/19 12:05:26

Jesus of Nazareth

10/06/19 13:32:15

"For a gynecologist you're spending a long time looking at my shoulders."

"Sorry, I'm just building up my courage."

14/05/19 20:32:18

"Hey Bill, why did we join this stupid society again?"
"Shut up Harry, and remember the ratio. It's 6 to 1 mate."

03/04/19 9:14:20

Ever since Joe lost his wife his hoarding became a major concern. They never did find her by the way.

16/03/19 12:50:52

No wonder she used to stand over air vents.

25/02/19 20:06:05

"Two happy meals, a ride on the carousel, and a romantic walk on the beach. If I don't get a snog out of this I'm giving up dating."

03/02/19 12:26:24

Beware of rubber duckies. They're dangerous little bastards.

02/02/19 8:01:50

"I can't believe you screwed Dave from accounts you dirty two-timing slag."

"Well I had to screw somebody you self righteous impotent prick."

"... And smile ... *Click*"

27/02/20 12:33:51

"Hi, it's me from last night. You remember, the threesome, I was the one on the bottom."

16/02/20 8:28:14

Yeah, that guy we hired to make balloon animals at little Susie's birthday party ... I wouldn't recommend him.

31/01/20 20:47:30

Superglue, the funniest invention since the guillotine.

31/01/20 8:18:26

"So you missed the battle of Endor because, and I quote, 'The bloody kiddy lock was on'."

19/12/19 12:11:38

"For Christ's sake Kenneth, put down the camera and get this f*cking thing off my head."

18/11/19 20:11:29

Bullshit, I buy my dope off Gulliver.

14/11/19 12:22:30

I think that's a bit of a tall tale! --Karyn Harrison

Oh God. We finally make contact with an alien and he's a bloody mime.

25/10/19 8:04:42

Terrorcotta

23/10/19 10:26:27

*Free item can be another mannequin, a cat, or a bicycle.

06/10/19 8:19:14

Can't explain why, but this caption really tickled me. --Chris Beach

This is the highest resolution photo I've ever seen on Caption.me ... I still have no idea what the hell it's of.

28/09/19 8:19:04

It's probably a bike. --Dave Bryan

The other 32% are treated to a nice warm bath at KFC.

20/08/19 8:00:27

Before hair and makeup Big Bird is unrecognisable.

14/08/19 20:02:06

"And this is where I abducted you fifteen years ago."

29/07/19 8:14:07

I fell in love with her beautiful big blue eyes ... and then those damn Doctors Without Borders fixed my glaucoma.

16/07/19 8:16:17

"Thank goodness for the stork service. The alternative method is so messy."

07/05/19 20:12:53

There's nothing worse than when your cryogenic sleep is disturbed by someone looking for frozen peas.

20/04/19 12:00:22

It would probably be a sweet way to be woken in the morning ... if you owned a cat.

01/04/19 8:16:42

"So Darling, I had my piano upgraded. Do you like the pop-up scenery?"

"It's nice Dear, but installing the slide was a stroke of genius."

07/02/19 8:18:30

By the power vested in sea, I pronounce you sand and wife. You may miss the tide.

19/01/19 10:44:24

"Be quiet and behave kids or you'll end up like mummy, and we all remember how bad she tasted."

31/03/20 13:11:28

That's obviously photo-shopped ... crowds aren't allowed anymore.

19/03/20 20:12:13

We had the wee sign first, then we got the bigger one. Turns out size does matter.

16/03/20 12:36:15

She's just seen the sign that says "Weight must be distributed evenly on each side of the carriage".

06/03/20 16:10:44

"Just hold still while I get a pic for my Facebook page, then we'll go and get your ankle x-rayed."

15/02/20 14:12:00

After the unfortunate incident with the parking meter, the Tortoise decided to take it slow and steady.

For Your Iris Only

30/01/20 21:21:39

22/01/20 20:19:26

Santa thought he'd help save the planet by going electric, but having to stand on these bloody charging stations for 364 days pisses the reindeer right off.

14/01/20 20:36:30

No need - love them both! X --Rachel P

"I haven't been to a good Kiss concert in ages."

"Don't feel bad mate, nobody's ever been to a good Kiss concert."

20/12/19 8:46:26

Brutal... --Sam Cass

RIP tide ... Oh damn, curse my shitty internet connection speed.

18/12/19 14:11:10

Let's avoid deliberate copies of previous captions, please. This one gathered eight votes, and that seems a bit cheeky, seeing as the creativity belongs to Welsh Rarebit (12:00:03). A friendly warning to all captioneers that are tempted to copy c... --Chris Beach

"I always wash my pussy in the bathroom sink," said Mrs. Slocombe.

08/12/19 12:00:46

"So, do you come here often?"

25/11/19 20:08:43

Well, that's the last time we hire that babysitter.

23/11/19 20:32:28

It's true. I went to my psychiatrist with a fear of sexual intercourse and now I'm addicted to crack.

14/11/19 12:30:26

"I should never have made fun of that girl," Sandeep thought as he bounced off the windshield.

11/11/19 12:08:50

Lubricate bottle before insertion.

08/11/19 20:00:52

Trump Card

02/11/19 12:59:48

"What, you were expecting a clown?"

10/10/19 8:00:10

"Hi everybody, I'm back, and I've brought food."

07/10/19 20:12:31

"I had this dream. Two bears were sweetening my coffee by dancing a jive and crushing sugar cubes between their butts. Then they asked me if I wanted cream ... At this point things got weird."

07/10/19 1:19:49

Tired of being the graphic representation of a terrible pun, Blossom escaped from the get well card that read 'Ewe will soon be in the pink!'

02/10/19 8:40:21

I've had a really bad day, so I voted for this photo just to piss everyone else off.

03/09/19 8:01:09

I've had a good day, so I voted for this caption. So you didn't piss me off. --Willie Johnson

When Godzilla and The Statue of Liberty divorced, she got the house.

26/08/19 20:07:42

Some mini golf courses are just ridiculous.

19/07/19 14:34:19

The cup final has come down to a penalty shootout ... tensions are high ... the crowd goes quiet ... you nervously approach the mark ... take a deep breath ... concentrate ... and then some smartarse starts a drumroll.

17/07/19 23:15:48

Maybe, but wanking makes you blind four-eyes.

03/07/19 8:09:33

Are you sure wanking makes you blind ..I think we should have a mass debate. --stone face

"Well son, if you'd ducked when I yelled 'DUCK' you'd still have a nose."

26/06/19 20:56:16

I love playing with the spinner from The Game of Life Life Life Life Life Life Life Life Life.

07/06/19 8:00:18

That "Should I chew my arm off?" moment.

01/06/19 8:02:22

"So the new flatmate, his name's Dexter?"

30/05/19 12:09:05

"Suicide watch? Your service sucks. I jumped 45 minutes ago."

08/05/19 8:12:31

This is without doubt the longest I have stared at a dog's arsehole. I hope the rest of you can say the same.

05/05/19 9:43:27

Sad to say...... I think I can say the same. --Willie Johnson

Joan doesn't suffer from alzheimer's, but sometimes she wishes she did.

10/04/19 8:42:08

"Oh, a mobile DJ mega boom truck, can I make a request?"
"Yep sure."
"Please fuck off."

08/04/19 8:23:58

I don't give a FCUK --Molly R

Rarely captured on camera, the queen bee is a magnificent creature.

26/03/19 12:01:32

Who hasn't faked a heart attack to get out of a kid's birthday party?

13/03/19 8:04:11

She's had her hair straightened. It used to be wavy.

11/03/19 20:19:57

I did think about posting a separate caption rather than just a comment but as long as you are the same author as the original I posted my comment on, I'm happy. Nice one 😁 --Mr Dome

"So, a 6-0 loss isn't good, but cheer up mate, we've got the shower to look forward to."

11/03/19 8:43:46

"So, he was about my height, and he'll be wearing what I used to be wearing."

04/03/19 20:02:12

"Sorry James, we can't put 'Arsebandit' on the plaque. How about 'Architect' instead?"

28/01/19 20:00:41

John sank into a deep depression after his wife left him for a Sony 65 inch Ultra HD.

22/01/19 20:19:44

Well, at least I'm not the only one who's had this dream.

Thu 20:43:33

You don't hear much about Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.'s other dream. --Scrijjy Doo

The global recession has retarded development of NASA's Mars lander.

29/03/20 13:21:54

The Penultimate Laser Adventure down the street will be the next to go.

19/02/20 13:04:30

I'm all for pinching his sherry glass, but I'd draw the line at using Gulliver's foot spa.

17/02/20 20:16:53

Her psychiatry sessions were a complete success. She's no longer scared of clowns.

02/02/20 20:00:59

"Well, I didn't expect it to be octagonal," thought the sperm.

31/01/20 17:07:16

"Doctor, I've started seeing hedgehogs everywhere. I thought one was an icecream, then another a pineapple, and I saw one in my baking. Now I'm seeing them around boats. I think I'm going crazy. What should I do?"

"Snuffle, snuffle, snort, snuffle," scratch, sniff, scratch, "snuffle, snort, snuffle..."

14/12/19 13:02:42

The moment when you come to and realise that you're not Alice, and that wasn't a rabbit hole.

13/12/19 12:18:14

Typical male reaction when a woman graphically describes how wide her cervix dilated during childbirth.

13/12/19 8:12:53

There must be easier ways to clear landmines.

24/11/19 20:22:21

And God said "Let there be light", and there was light. And God said "Let there be nipples, pubic hairs, and dangly thingies", and lo, there were nipples, pubic hairs, and dangly thingies.

21/11/19 20:11:57

I have Wolfys porridge, the one with pot inside. My psychiatrist recommended it.

15/11/19 8:27:14

Jim the sign-writer's porn obsession has started to affect his work.

09/10/19 20:09:06

Oh shit, I've misread something again. Best I go and fish The Wolf out of the Thames.

09/10/19 14:35:45

"I have no pride."

06/10/19 13:30:19

Paws for thought.

06/09/19 20:00:54

Captioneers concoct a cunning plan to lure out The Wolf, so we can break his fingers.

05/09/19 8:00:10

I may have been persuaded to put on the red mac but my involvement ends there. --Karyn Harrison

"Ooo, that fabric does feel nice, I like your hair too, where do you get it done?"

"Coach! Sub!"

30/08/19 20:09:17

"Hey man, I probably shouldn't fly home tonight, is it OK if I crash here?"

21/08/19 12:00:21

"You're telling me nobody remembered the can opener?"

17/08/19 12:05:07

Turns out you can take a photo anywhere in the universe, with any number of strange alien creatures, and there will still be a bloody mannequin and a cat in it.

25/07/19 12:00:44

Maybe it was a bit drastic, but nobody notices his outie anymore.

23/07/19 8:16:00

"Nurse, you did switch the X-Ray machine off before you went to lunch, didn't you?"

27/06/19 8:08:54

The original Mickey Mouse Club had trouble standing.

13/06/19 8:02:39

The Society for Suicide Prevention decided to rethink its reverse-psychology advertising campaign.

11/06/19 20:27:54

Don't worry kid, all us captioneers are just as bemused as you.

10/06/19 10:24:58

"Hello police? Ignore my last call. While I was telling you about the strange man taking my photo, a tiger jumped through the window and ate him, so everything's fine."

18/05/19 8:05:56

Thanks to sex education in schools, storks have a lot more spare time these days.

10/05/19 12:00:14

"Put that back you little shit. My penis is not a raygun!"

10/05/19 8:11:49

"And tomorrow it will be raining men."

17/04/19 8:01:38

Sylvia sensuously slipped out of her red lace dress. For a moment Fabio stood motionless, staring at her beautiful naked body, then he proudly uncaged his prize pecker.

07/04/19 13:51:05

I would have voted for this for the use of Fabio alone --Mr Dome

No caption, just a message, and apologies for the lack of humour: I live just out of Christchurch, NZ, where a week ago some unspeakable moron took the lives of 50 Muslims for no other reason than they were different from him. I hope, if anything, this picture shows that we all are not that different.

21/03/19 12:26:41

Salaam alaikum. --John Glover

"Don't worry. The baby's fine. It's just playing in the sand pit."

"But we don't have a sand pit."

"You know. My sand pit. In the plastic tray."

15/03/19 12:53:56

"DON'T pull the chain!"

05/03/19 12:29:59