lol x4

"This is most embarrassing, but could you help? Somehow I've caught my penis in the fence."

18/07/21 12:55:41

lol x2 creative

"Luke, I am your farmer."

23/03/19 8:46:34

lol x2 creative clever x2

Wash his hands hopefully.

22/01/19 8:22:17

This public gathering is just asking to get Corona.

12/05/20 8:16:32

lol

"Come on Darth, you slaughtered the Jedi, blew up a planet, killed your mentor ... I reckon 200 hours of community service is fair."

17/03/22 8:01:22

lol x3

Dave was horrified to discover the spyhole in his neighbour's fence had been removed, along with the fence.

09/03/21 12:35:25

lol clever

"Gosh darn it," said Davy-Bob. "Nobody told me you could reload them."

12/12/21 12:08:44

Javelins should only be thrown outdoors.

03/02/20 12:00:41

I have a strange urge to whack her with an oversize rubber mallet.

17/11/20 9:17:11

creative clever

The cheap seats at the opera are OK. Just make sure you duck when they turn the spotlights on.

31/07/20 8:09:57

clever

Some people shouldn't be allowed to raise children.

16/09/22 12:00:35

"Perfect, my last batch was a little on the dark side."

29/03/22 20:28:20

lol x2

"I'm sorry luv, but Noah said I'm only allowed to bring one, and Nancy's got better tits."

06/04/21 12:26:41

Harold always believed the son shone out of his arse.

27/08/20 8:00:40

clever

If dodos had been better jugglers they wouldn't be extinct.

08/02/20 12:00:17

lol

All Day Breakfast

21/05/19 12:00:27

lol creative

It was a beautiful wedding, but the honeymoon in France didn't end well.

01/03/19 20:13:39

lol

...and who can forget Dave's final words:

"Jeez mate, for a big fella you've got a tiny penis."

27/04/21 20:40:05

lol clever

Kiwi fruit

27/11/20 8:36:38

Nobody makes better balloon animals than Dave.

29/09/20 20:15:41

Giving up smoking, diary entry day 23: Either I'm starting to hallucinate or my wife is a bitch.

03/03/19 20:47:18

lol

"So God created Adam in His own image, which, strangely, was that of a 70s pornstar."

07/05/22 13:28:08

"Quick! Straighten the sign!"

14/12/20 8:05:11

Barbie hasn't changed much in the last 60 years. Ken on the other hand ...

24/11/20 8:17:40

lol

Always buy your catnip from a trusted source.

08/09/20 14:23:56

lol

Looks like the match went to sudden death.

17/07/19 8:30:33

What the hell is Sambuchino, and why is throwing it at gnomes a good defence?

31/08/22 8:10:06

The Dunhills have Eyes

09/07/22 8:00:27

"That's OK, you're swimming in our septic tank."

19/05/22 8:02:06

Dear Mrs Parker,

While we understand your frustration, we regret to inform you that even though your neighbour was perfectly within their rights to have any garden ornaments they chose, yours exceeds the new garden ornament standards we introduced after your complaint. Please remove it immediately.

Yours sincerely,
Luton Town Council

08/10/21 8:08:37

"Sorry to intrude, but could I please have my rubber bone back?"

19/07/21 8:07:59

lol

Sadly, none of the gospels recorded Jesus's performance of YMCA.

23/04/21 12:12:14

Men be hoovering badly

22/03/21 8:04:11

US politics are insane, General Lee speaking.

24/01/21 8:06:09

"Hey guys, just wondering, if it's not too much trouble, if maybe, just maybe, I could get a bigger litter tray?"

12/04/20 8:01:39

lol

"... and then he took his shirt off and things started to get weird."

09/04/20 20:40:08

lol

No animals were harmed during the making of this picture, but some were highly pissed off.

25/03/20 8:07:25

lol

"Ok Dave, you create a diversion while I steal the mini."

09/01/20 12:14:25

"Stick out your tongue Gulliver. STICK OUT YOUR TONGUE!"

Lilliputian torturers are nasty little bastards.

05/12/19 8:04:18

lol clever

"Look at that old lady swallowing a fly. Should we avoid her?"

"Nah, looks like she's chasing a spider now. We should be fine."

02/09/19 8:57:49

"One way or another Monsieur, you will leave a tip."

05/03/19 12:24:57

"Well Sir, we don't actually need to strip search you, but we do appreciate your eagerness to cooperate."

15/02/19 20:16:18

"Honey, there's a problem with Rex's new glass eye."

"Really? Don't tell me they got the colour wrong..."

08/05/22 13:53:13

lol

"On the plus side, my hemorrhoids are gone."

12/03/22 12:00:56

Titanic 2: The Reunion

01/02/22 8:02:45

lol x2

"Ma'am, I'd like to help fix your flat tyre, but I believe travelling alone in a high octane 6.2 litre V8 truck, when you could be driving a small electric vehicle, carpooling, or using public transport, is totally irresponsible and endangers the very planet we live on."

"I'll show you my boobs."

"Where's your jack?"

18/11/21 13:17:02

"Oh hell, not again. I wish your mother would tell me when she's pregnant."

19/10/21 8:20:26

"Cut! This isn't working. Maybe we should try that laser sword idea after all?"

12/09/21 20:56:53

lol creative

Users have been experiencing weird error messages when trying to vote for certain captions.

To help identify the problem, please try voting for this test caption.

[admin@caption.me.nigeria]

26/08/21 21:20:59

"What are you celebrating?"

"Breathing!"

12/08/21 8:05:59

"Here's five bucks kid," said Tina from Doncaster. "It's been a while."

17/04/21 20:58:08

"🎵 Karma, karma, karma, karma, karma chamele..."

"Stop it."

06/03/21 20:00:44

It was Alvin's coke habit that caused the band to break up.

04/03/21 20:13:45

lol

Bloody Royal Mail. You post something 65 million years in advance and it still arrives a month late.

25/01/21 12:59:28

lol x2

This takes me back to the old days before internet porn, when the centrespread in National Geographic would have to suffice.

17/12/20 20:34:15

lol

We've all hugged the toilet once or twice in our lives. Susan, however, took it to a whole new level.

29/03/20 9:17:00

Funny, I dated a vegetarian once and she didn't like little willies.

01/03/20 8:37:20

"Good thinking Ahmed, this trip across the Sahara will be much better with air-conditioning."

16/02/20 20:03:32

And in his spare time Spiderman helps Gulliver floss.

07/02/20 13:01:19

When she sobered up, Rose suddenly wished for an iceberg.

10/08/22 14:16:38

Later that evening...

🙁🥴😠🤮

18/05/22 8:27:06

lol clever

"Chris Beach certainly has an eclectic record collection."

"Yes, but my gut says there's some subtle common theme..."

13/05/22 14:37:30

Despite her abnormal childhood, Susan grew up to be a perfectly normal serial killer.

04/11/21 12:07:00

lol

"Put down the knife, Davy, and let's discuss this silly hat idea."

18/10/21 12:20:10

Mittens was later convicted by concrete evidence.

07/10/21 20:08:30

creative

The downside of early photography was the long exposure time.

24/02/21 20:13:42

Upon returning from a piss, Dave suddenly realised he'd re-entered the auditorium through the wrong door.

21/12/20 8:40:26

Deer Lord...

06/12/20 20:00:51

I wish we could return to the good old days, when women took ironing seriously.

10/09/20 8:21:35

lol

It's obviously a Salvador Baalí.

07/09/20 8:00:36

lol

That awkward first date moment, when she wants you to regurgitate food into her mouth, but you're not sure if you should.

19/07/20 8:14:06

The top half looks good, but dig a little deeper and you'll find she's got crabs.

29/05/20 20:14:51

Warning, terrible pun ahead, brace yourselves.

24/03/20 20:24:26

My wife wanted a baby, I wanted a fridge magnet, we compromised.

26/06/19 8:00:40

lol

Scientists at CERN say it's nothing to worry about.

23/03/19 13:42:05

clever

He's been driving around in circles for ages.

20/02/19 12:00:19

"Give me your basket, bitch!" demanded Little Red Riding Hoodlum.

26/08/22 8:11:50

"Well, those seats are novel."

16/08/22 8:04:17, edited: 16/08/22 8:08:51

lol creative

"...and this is a 5 month pregnant woman balancing a Jacobean nursing chair on her chin."

Some people take shadow puppetry too seriously.

23/06/22 20:30:52

"At the time of the explosion the seat was up, so we know the perpetrator was a male. Sticky finger marks suggest he was right handed. And judging by the shoeprints we can tell he wears a size 9 1/2."

"Very good, Watson, but you're missing one important fact."

"What's that, Holmes?"

"This is Caption.me. The perpetrator was obviously Dave."

20/06/22 21:53:21

clever

"Dad, I can't breathe!"

"Son, shuffle back and give your sister some room."

18/02/22 8:50:49

"Mittens, honey, I've got good news and bad. The good news is I have that pesky mouse cornered..."

01/02/22 20:10:14

"Where on earth is the bow?"

"At the front."

17/11/21 9:04:49

The Invisible Man still has nightmares about the time he caught Spiderman masturbating.

30/10/21 10:04:25

Good news! The members of caption.me have all chipped in to help solve your problem! Here's 942 cats.

11/10/21 20:06:35

"Well, well, well, look what the cat dragged in."

06/08/21 20:00:26

"Those bugs have eluded me so far, but something tells me they're f#cking close."

25/05/21 20:47:45

"We're not wearing anything Dave, but if you're shy come in your shorts."

"I have."

09/03/21 12:00:39

Fortunately the North Korean nuclear threat wasn't all it had been cracked up to be.

22/02/21 8:22:01

lol

Dave loved riding lightning rods during hurricanes. He did it well. We'll miss you Dave.

14/01/21 8:07:10

It's a wonder of nature how sunflowers always turn to face the camera.

08/11/20 20:09:23

"Honey, remember how 9 months ago I told you I was abducted by aliens..."

29/09/20 8:03:18

When your remote falls down the back of the pouch.

24/08/20 12:05:55

Gloves and mask are required PPE - Lab coat is optional.

30/04/20 8:03:23

I hope to move here, I'm sick of living in Wanking.

16/04/20 20:19:03

To: parents@gmail.com
"I have your children. Will exchange for 6 rolls of bog paper and a bottle of hand sanitiser. Do you agree with these terms?"

To: kidnapper@gmail.com
"Nah, keep them."

31/03/20 13:07:22

clever

Hot Tin Roof on a Cat

20/03/20 12:38:53

Pareidolia is a psychological phenomenon that causes people to see faces in everyday things, unless you're a Captioneer and then you see tits and penises.

27/02/20 20:12:02