James Lennox

"Luke, I am your farmer."

23/03/19 8:46:34

Haha. I don't mind chipping in a tenner for second place (it definitely will not be one of mine)!! Great caption. Genuinely choked on my toast. So thanks for nearly killing me! --The Wolf

£50
WINNER

lol x2

Wash his hands hopefully.

clever x2

22/01/19 8:22:17

Thanks Dave and everyone else. Chuffed to be on the board and loving the spirit of Caption.me. Will continue to represent the hobbits down here in NZ. Cheers all. --James Lennox

21/05/19 11:00:27

It was a beautiful wedding, but the honeymoon in France didn't end well.

01/03/19 20:13:39

Giving up smoking, diary entry day 23: Either I'm starting to hallucinate or my wife is a bitch.

03/03/19 20:47:18

No she’s not, she menthol 🙃 --Karen Oakenfull

Looks like the match went to sudden death.

17/07/19 7:30:33

"Ok Dave, you create a diversion while I steal the mini."

09/01/20 12:14:25

"Stick out your tongue Gulliver. STICK OUT YOUR TONGUE!"

Lilliputian torturers are nasty little bastards.

05/12/19 8:04:18

"Look at that old lady swallowing a fly. Should we avoid her?"

"Nah, looks like she's chasing a spider now. We should be fine."

02/09/19 7:57:49

"One way or another Monsieur, you will leave a tip."

05/03/19 12:24:57

"Well Sir, we don't actually need to strip search you, but we do appreciate your eagerness to cooperate."

15/02/19 20:16:18

My wife wanted a baby, I wanted a fridge magnet, we compromised.

26/06/19 7:00:40

Scientists at CERN say it's nothing to worry about.

23/03/19 13:42:05

He's been driving around in circles for ages.

20/02/19 12:00:19

Never give bubblegum to your dog.

Thu 23:35:44

Well played Mr Lennox. Brilliant caption! --Karyn Harrison

Well, the ventriloquism was good, but have you thought about getting a smaller dummy?

04/09/19 7:02:16

"No Sweetie, put it down ... we have to cook it first."

20/08/19 19:00:13

Had the same idea but decided to change mine slightly at the last minute! (damn it)! Here, have a vote, I've disguised my vote as a golf ball, ready, steady, FORE...smack, (sails through the trees and down the fairway like meteor destined for hap... --The Wolf

I retract my earlier caption: THIS is the tackiest toilet I've ever seen.

24/04/19 19:09:10

Replace your groin armour now Stormtrooper #66!

26/01/19 12:12:44

"A little help here guys, this damn sign's heavy."

12/01/20 20:00:48

It's weird how in every group of friends there's always one muppet.

16/12/19 8:00:53

Damn. I'm an atheist.

21/11/19 20:00:24

Thank God for that. --Chris Halliwell

How much is that Dobby in the window?

08/10/19 19:00:10

"It's fine. Don't mind me. Pretend I'm not here. Go back to sleep."

28/07/19 7:00:16

The photo doesn't show how truly impressive this is. They're actually jumping it backwards.

30/06/19 7:13:44

Due to recent controversy, all red-headed children must be blurred in photos.

10/05/19 7:01:23

"Menstrual cycle - Mood. Do you understand now?"

26/01/19 9:26:11

"F*ck it's cold," said the Red Dragon.

18/12/19 20:19:08

He's clearly bananas.

29/11/19 8:16:57

"And the winner of this year's Baptist Church Hide and Seek competition is ... God ... again."

07/11/19 20:00:18

Highland fling

30/10/19 8:17:06

She's a bit tall and bald, but I'd have her.

28/10/19 12:07:30

Needless to say, the bridesmaids were not happy.

27/10/19 12:08:41

Copycat

[Nod 12:00:09 & 12:00:10]

06/10/19 12:33:58

I love that there are 3 copycats. Brilliant. --Dan Nicholls

A Wedding and Two Funerals.

25/09/19 7:27:31

This explains how Jason came back from the dead 8 times.

02/09/19 19:02:22

"Don't worry about it mate, that water was bloody cold."

21/08/19 7:09:52

That sinking feeling when you're about to become extinct.

02/06/19 7:00:40

Holy Shit

27/05/19 11:00:10

That's the tackiest toilet seat I've ever seen.

24/04/19 7:01:27

Oscar Pistorius' latest escape attempt.

10/04/19 12:07:25

It's no mean feet --Mr Dome

"Grandmother, what big eyes you have."

08/04/19 11:00:22

... of Driving into Miss Daisy.

05/04/19 11:33:19

The problem has been the red pen. If we switch to a green one things will improve.

26/01/19 8:33:37

Due to a strict censorship doctrine all Japanese porn is pixelated.

14/01/20 12:23:38

I think the hedgehog's been done to death ... but another ten minutes in the oven wouldn't hurt.

12/12/19 20:11:36

I find myself strangely attracted to her, but maybe it's just gravity.

04/12/19 21:06:26

I have a sudden urge to give Peace a chance ... twice.

28/11/19 8:02:02

"Where'd that guy in the 'Homo Sex Leads to Hell' shirt disappear to?"

12/11/19 20:06:44

"I'll give you a banana when you finish writing that complete works of Shakespeare."

28/10/19 12:15:47

Sometimes my wife and I role play that she's a prostitute and I'm a horny client. This is a picture of me practising with a real prostitute.

07/10/19 11:46:09

They warned us AI would take over the world, but when my smartphone became fully sentient it just decided to get its charging port pierced.

04/10/19 7:24:14

♪Paper-bike Rider♪

01/08/19 7:01:01

Just a regular day at the beach for Evel Knievel.

13/06/19 7:34:54

"Look at that girl taking our photo over her shoulder. Weirdo."

20/05/19 7:09:41

Ground Hog Day ... I feel like I've read this caption before.

13/05/19 21:51:52

Must have been on the grounds of the pork. --Willie Johnson

The moment the Invisible Man realised he wasn't that special.

25/04/19 7:05:14

Woolly Jumpers

25/03/19 20:00:21

The rumour that King Midas died while masturbating turned out to be true.

13/02/19 20:29:48

Master forgers often leave a barely perceptible difference to identify their work from the original.

13/01/20 8:49:14

"Quickly, to the Batmobilia!"

16/12/19 12:46:08

Capuchin.me

28/10/19 12:00:11

If anyone says Decaption.me I'll vomit.

28/10/19 8:00:46

Sick caption, sis/bro --Mr Dome

Worst pirate costume ever.

25/10/19 11:23:49

Shit, wardrobe malfunction ... send out the red spiky number as a distraction.

18/09/19 7:04:13

I wondered if someone would notice the arseless ensemble behind her. Good caption for it! :^) --Crunchy Chords

Look closely, they managed to sneak a cat into this bike photo.

01/08/19 7:13:17

You must have BMX-Ray vision. --Dave Bryan

Planning permission was put in for 12 of these identical houses, but for some reason they built 13.

30/07/19 7:31:02

Turns out you CAN get too much liposuction.

27/06/19 7:41:08

"Woman, bring me a working nipple, I can't get anything out of this one."

11/06/19 11:05:26

Jesus of Nazareth

10/06/19 12:32:15

"For a gynecologist you're spending a long time looking at my shoulders."

"Sorry, I'm just building up my courage."

14/05/19 19:32:18

"Hey Bill, why did we join this stupid society again?"
"Shut up Harry, and remember the ratio. It's 6 to 1 mate."

03/04/19 8:14:20

Ever since Joe lost his wife his hoarding became a major concern. They never did find her by the way.

16/03/19 12:50:52

No wonder she used to stand over air vents.

25/02/19 20:06:05

"Two happy meals, a ride on the carousel, and a romantic walk on the beach. If I don't get a snog out of this I'm giving up dating."

03/02/19 12:26:24

Beware of rubber duckies. They're dangerous little bastards.

02/02/19 8:01:50

"So you missed the battle of Endor because, and I quote, 'The bloody kiddy lock was on'."

19/12/19 12:11:38

"For Christ's sake Kenneth, put down the camera and get this f*cking thing off my head."

18/11/19 20:11:29

Bullshit, I buy my dope off Gulliver.

14/11/19 12:22:30

I think that's a bit of a tall tale! --Karyn Harrison

Oh God. We finally make contact with an alien and he's a bloody mime.

25/10/19 7:04:42

Terrorcotta

23/10/19 9:26:27

*Free item can be another mannequin, a cat, or a bicycle.

06/10/19 7:19:14

Can't explain why, but this caption really tickled me. --Chris Beach

This is the highest resolution photo I've ever seen on Caption.me ... I still have no idea what the hell it's of.

28/09/19 7:19:04

It's probably a bike. --Dave Bryan

The other 32% are treated to a nice warm bath at KFC.

20/08/19 7:00:27

Before hair and makeup Big Bird is unrecognisable.

14/08/19 19:02:06

"And this is where I abducted you fifteen years ago."

29/07/19 7:14:07

I fell in love with her beautiful big blue eyes ... and then those damn Doctors Without Borders fixed my glaucoma.

16/07/19 7:16:17

"Thank goodness for the stork service. The alternative method is so messy."

07/05/19 19:12:53

There's nothing worse than when your cryogenic sleep is disturbed by someone looking for frozen peas.

20/04/19 11:00:22

It would probably be a sweet way to be woken in the morning ... if you owned a cat.

01/04/19 7:16:42

"So Darling, I had my piano upgraded. Do you like the pop-up scenery?"

"It's nice Dear, but installing the slide was a stroke of genius."

07/02/19 8:18:30

By the power vested in sea, I pronounce you sand and wife. You may miss the tide.

19/01/19 10:44:24

Santa thought he'd help save the planet by going electric, but having to stand on these bloody charging stations for 364 days pisses the reindeer right off.

14/01/20 20:36:30

No need - love them both! X --Rachel P

"I haven't been to a good Kiss concert in ages."

"Don't feel bad mate, nobody's ever been to a good Kiss concert."

20/12/19 8:46:26

Brutal... --Sam Cass

RIP tide ... Oh damn, curse my shitty internet connection speed.

18/12/19 14:11:10

Let's avoid deliberate copies of previous captions, please. This one gathered eight votes, and that seems a bit cheeky, seeing as the creativity belongs to Welsh Rarebit (12:00:03). A friendly warning to all captioneers that are tempted to copy c... --Chris Beach

"I always wash my pussy in the bathroom sink," said Mrs. Slocombe.

08/12/19 12:00:46

"So, do you come here often?"

25/11/19 20:08:43

Well, that's the last time we hire that babysitter.

23/11/19 20:32:28

It's true. I went to my psychiatrist with a fear of sexual intercourse and now I'm addicted to crack.

14/11/19 12:30:26

"I should never have made fun of that girl," Sandeep thought as he bounced off the windshield.

11/11/19 12:08:50

Lubricate bottle before insertion.

08/11/19 20:00:52

Trump Card

02/11/19 12:59:48

"What, you were expecting a clown?"

10/10/19 7:00:10

"Hi everybody, I'm back, and I've brought food."

07/10/19 19:12:31

"I had this dream. Two bears were sweetening my coffee by dancing a jive and crushing sugar cubes between their butts. Then they asked me if I wanted cream ... At this point things got weird."

07/10/19 0:19:49

Tired of being the graphic representation of a terrible pun, Blossom escaped from the get well card that read 'Ewe will soon be in the pink!'

02/10/19 7:40:21

I've had a really bad day, so I voted for this photo just to piss everyone else off.

03/09/19 7:01:09

I've had a good day, so I voted for this caption. So you didn't piss me off. --Willie Johnson

When Godzilla and The Statue of Liberty divorced, she got the house.

26/08/19 19:07:42

Some mini golf courses are just ridiculous.

19/07/19 13:34:19

The cup final has come down to a penalty shootout ... tensions are high ... the crowd goes quiet ... you nervously approach the mark ... take a deep breath ... concentrate ... and then some smartarse starts a drumroll.

17/07/19 22:15:48

Maybe, but wanking makes you blind four-eyes.

03/07/19 7:09:33

Are you sure wanking makes you blind ..I think we should have a mass debate. --stone face

"Well son, if you'd ducked when I yelled 'DUCK' you'd still have a nose."

26/06/19 19:56:16

I love playing with the spinner from The Game of Life Life Life Life Life Life Life Life Life.

07/06/19 7:00:18

That "Should I chew my arm off?" moment.

01/06/19 7:02:22

"So the new flatmate, his name's Dexter?"

30/05/19 11:09:05

"Suicide watch? Your service sucks. I jumped 45 minutes ago."

08/05/19 7:12:31

This is without doubt the longest I have stared at a dog's arsehole. I hope the rest of you can say the same.

05/05/19 8:43:27

Sad to say...... I think I can say the same. --Willie Johnson

Joan doesn't suffer from alzheimer's, but sometimes she wishes she did.

10/04/19 7:42:08

"Oh, a mobile DJ mega boom truck, can I make a request?"
"Yep sure."
"Please fuck off."

08/04/19 7:23:58

I don't give a FCUK --Molly R

Rarely captured on camera, the queen bee is a magnificent creature.

26/03/19 12:01:32

Who hasn't faked a heart attack to get out of a kid's birthday party?

13/03/19 8:04:11

She's had her hair straightened. It used to be wavy.

11/03/19 20:19:57

I did think about posting a separate caption rather than just a comment but as long as you are the same author as the original I posted my comment on, I'm happy. Nice one 😁 --Mr Dome

"So, a 6-0 loss isn't good, but cheer up mate, we've got the shower to look forward to."

11/03/19 8:43:46

"So, he was about my height, and he'll be wearing what I used to be wearing."

04/03/19 20:02:12

"Sorry James, we can't put 'Arsebandit' on the plaque. How about 'Architect' instead?"

28/01/19 20:00:41

John sank into a deep depression after his wife left him for a Sony 65 inch Ultra HD.

22/01/19 20:19:44

"Doctor, I've started seeing hedgehogs everywhere. I thought one was an icecream, then another a pineapple, and I saw one in my baking. Now I'm seeing them around boats. I think I'm going crazy. What should I do?"

"Snuffle, snuffle, snort, snuffle," scratch, sniff, scratch, "snuffle, snort, snuffle..."

14/12/19 13:02:42

The moment when you come to and realise that you're not Alice, and that wasn't a rabbit hole.

13/12/19 12:18:14

Typical male reaction when a woman graphically describes how wide her cervix dilated during childbirth.

13/12/19 8:12:53

There must be easier ways to clear landmines.

24/11/19 20:22:21

And God said "Let there be light", and there was light. And God said "Let there be nipples, pubic hairs, and dangly thingies", and lo, there were nipples, pubic hairs, and dangly thingies.

21/11/19 20:11:57

I have Wolfys porridge, the one with pot inside. My psychiatrist recommended it.

15/11/19 8:27:14

Jim the sign-writer's porn obsession has started to affect his work.

09/10/19 19:09:06

Oh shit, I've misread something again. Best I go and fish The Wolf out of the Thames.

09/10/19 13:35:45

"I have no pride."

06/10/19 12:30:19

Paws for thought.

06/09/19 19:00:54

Captioneers concoct a cunning plan to lure out The Wolf, so we can break his fingers.

05/09/19 7:00:10

I may have been persuaded to put on the red mac but my involvement ends there. --Karyn Harrison

"Ooo, that fabric does feel nice, I like your hair too, where do you get it done?"

"Coach! Sub!"

30/08/19 19:09:17

"Hey man, I probably shouldn't fly home tonight, is it OK if I crash here?"

21/08/19 11:00:21

"You're telling me nobody remembered the can opener?"

17/08/19 11:05:07

Turns out you can take a photo anywhere in the universe, with any number of strange alien creatures, and there will still be a bloody mannequin and a cat in it.

25/07/19 11:00:44

Maybe it was a bit drastic, but nobody notices his outie anymore.

23/07/19 7:16:00

"Nurse, you did switch the X-Ray machine off before you went to lunch, didn't you?"

27/06/19 7:08:54

The original Mickey Mouse Club had trouble standing.

13/06/19 7:02:39

The Society for Suicide Prevention decided to rethink its reverse-psychology advertising campaign.

11/06/19 19:27:54

Don't worry kid, all us captioneers are just as bemused as you.

10/06/19 9:24:58

"Hello police? Ignore my last call. While I was telling you about the strange man taking my photo, a tiger jumped through the window and ate him, so everything's fine."

18/05/19 7:05:56

Thanks to sex education in schools, storks have a lot more spare time these days.

10/05/19 11:00:14

"Put that back you little shit. My penis is not a raygun!"

10/05/19 7:11:49

"And tomorrow it will be raining men."

17/04/19 7:01:38

Sylvia sensuously slipped out of her red lace dress. For a moment Fabio stood motionless, staring at her beautiful naked body, then he proudly uncaged his prize pecker.

07/04/19 12:51:05

I would have voted for this for the use of Fabio alone --Mr Dome

No caption, just a message, and apologies for the lack of humour: I live just out of Christchurch, NZ, where a week ago some unspeakable moron took the lives of 50 Muslims for no other reason than they were different from him. I hope, if anything, this picture shows that we all are not that different.

21/03/19 12:26:41

Salaam alaikum. --John Glover

"Don't worry. The baby's fine. It's just playing in the sand pit."

"But we don't have a sand pit."

"You know. My sand pit. In the plastic tray."

15/03/19 12:53:56

"DON'T pull the chain!"

05/03/19 12:29:59

Even if you take extreme measures to masturbate in private, some bugger is still likely to catch you at it.

16/02/19 21:27:45

"It's a sext from Catwoman. Time to dust off the old Batpole!"

07/02/19 20:27:47

Damn Sat Nav.

14/01/19 20:07:42

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8zjVZvkzr5A Listen at own risk ;) --James Lennox

Your broken shoulders have knitted together nicely, if a little low.

11/01/20 8:45:29

"Do you feel lucky, trunk?"

10/01/20 12:01:30

Sorry we don't have a defibrillator, but Dave here is pretty good at the kiss of life.

17/12/19 12:02:47

"If you all wouldn't mind turning away good people, I'm about to use the Bat Pisspot."

16/12/19 12:30:31

No mas cervezas, grassy-ass.

13/12/19 12:02:25

It's quite easy to pierce your own ears at home with a regular needle, just make sure you're sober.

11/12/19 8:31:00

"It's an old house in the woods."

"Yes, but your caption is supposed to be funny."

"Oh, sorry. A horse walks into a bar..."

10/12/19 15:02:00

I lick, I scream

09/12/19 20:00:07

President Trump is popular on Caption.me, but we need more photos of book depositories and grassy knolls.

08/12/19 8:18:20

"Honey, have you seen my ... never mind."

25/11/19 8:20:26

"What's my medical emergency? Well, it's kind of hard to say."

24/11/19 20:05:50

And after the soup is made, we release the rest of the frog into the wild, but bloody PETA still isn't happy.

20/11/19 20:05:36

I can't quite make out the tattoo, but based on body language I'm guessing it reads LGBT.

20/11/19 8:01:17

So that's how rhinos get their rocks off.

18/11/19 12:06:57

"Yes, that'll do nicely waiter. Medium-rare please."

17/11/19 20:00:12

If a genie grants you a wish, make sure you are very specific: "I wish I had ten naked females with high arses and big tits" didn't pan out too well for me.

01/11/19 8:17:34

Can I have a cup of Joey?

22/10/19 19:01:49

"I regret not opening a bakery ... or a wine shop. Why didn't I open a wine shop?"

07/10/19 19:01:05

It isn't easy being a pigeon that suffers from air sickness.

03/10/19 11:15:50

Ah, the good old days. Smoking, no seat belts, casual unprotected sex ...

01/10/19 19:04:51

Gotta love it when you turn up 5 minutes late at caption time and the only thing there is tumbleweeds.

29/09/19 19:07:02

Strangely enough, I've found several captions to like. Maybe it's because I'm TOO late? --Willie Johnson

Dear Mr Monster, Apparently Dr Frankenstein recently endowed you with an appendage belonging to my late husband. I'd very much like to see it again.

29/09/19 8:52:29

I used to put money on the horses, then I put money on the dogs ... perhaps if I put dogs on the horses I'll get my money back.

23/09/19 7:08:23

Three people voted for this photo. Explain yourselves.

07/09/19 7:17:07

It wouldn't surprise me if Anon had something to do with it. --Dave Bryan

Little Red Riding Hood returns to the scene of her childhood trauma.

05/09/19 7:01:12

The mermaids didn't think their human transformation had gone quite right, but they weren't complaining.

21/08/19 9:09:25

"Um, yeah mate, definitely a lump. You should get that checked out."

19/08/19 7:05:22