James Lennox

"Luke, I am your farmer."

23/03/19 8:46:34

Haha. I don't mind chipping in a tenner for second place (it definitely will not be one of mine)!! Great caption. Genuinely choked on my toast. So thanks for nearly killing me! --The Wolf

£50
WINNER

lol x2

Wash his hands hopefully.

clever x2

22/01/19 8:22:17

Thanks Dave and everyone else. Chuffed to be on the board and loving the spirit of Caption.me. Will continue to represent the hobbits down here in NZ. Cheers all. --James Lennox

21/05/19 12:00:27

It was a beautiful wedding, but the honeymoon in France didn't end well.

01/03/19 20:13:39

Giving up smoking, diary entry day 23: Either I'm starting to hallucinate or my wife is a bitch.

03/03/19 20:47:18

No she’s not, she menthol 🙃 --Karen Oakenfull

Looks like the match went to sudden death.

17/07/19 8:30:33

"Look at that old lady swallowing a fly. Should we avoid her?"

"Nah, looks like she's chasing a spider now. We should be fine."

02/09/19 8:57:49

"One way or another Monsieur, you will leave a tip."

05/03/19 12:24:57

"Well Sir, we don't actually need to strip search you, but we do appreciate your eagerness to cooperate."

15/02/19 20:16:18

My wife wanted a baby, I wanted a fridge magnet, we compromised.

26/06/19 8:00:40

Scientists at CERN say it's nothing to worry about.

23/03/19 13:42:05

He's been driving around in circles for ages.

20/02/19 12:00:19

Well, the ventriloquism was good, but have you thought about getting a smaller dummy?

04/09/19 8:02:16

"No Sweetie, put it down ... we have to cook it first."

20/08/19 20:00:13

Had the same idea but decided to change mine slightly at the last minute! (damn it)! Here, have a vote, I've disguised my vote as a golf ball, ready, steady, FORE...smack, (sails through the trees and down the fairway like meteor destined for hap... --The Wolf

I retract my earlier caption: THIS is the tackiest toilet I've ever seen.

24/04/19 20:09:10

Replace your groin armour now Stormtrooper #66!

26/01/19 12:12:44

How much is that Dobby in the window?

Tue 20:00:10

"It's fine. Don't mind me. Pretend I'm not here. Go back to sleep."

28/07/19 8:00:16

The photo doesn't show how truly impressive this is. They're actually jumping it backwards.

30/06/19 8:13:44

Due to recent controversy, all red-headed children must be blurred in photos.

10/05/19 8:01:23

"Menstrual cycle - Mood. Do you understand now?"

26/01/19 9:26:11

Copycat

[Nod 12:00:09 & 12:00:10]

06/10/19 13:33:58

I love that there are 3 copycats. Brilliant. --Dan Nicholls

A Wedding and Two Funerals.

25/09/19 8:27:31

This explains how Jason came back from the dead 8 times.

02/09/19 20:02:22

"Don't worry about it mate, that water was bloody cold."

21/08/19 8:09:52

That sinking feeling when you're about to become extinct.

02/06/19 8:00:40

Holy Shit

27/05/19 12:00:10

That's the tackiest toilet seat I've ever seen.

24/04/19 8:01:27

Oscar Pistorius' latest escape attempt.

10/04/19 13:07:25

It's no mean feet --Mr Dome

"Grandmother, what big eyes you have."

08/04/19 12:00:22

... of Driving into Miss Daisy.

05/04/19 12:33:19

The problem has been the red pen. If we switch to a green one things will improve.

26/01/19 8:33:37

Sometimes my wife and I role play that she's a prostitute and I'm a horny client. This is a picture of me practising with a real prostitute.

Mon 12:46:09

They warned us AI would take over the world, but when my smartphone became fully sentient it just decided to get its charging port pierced.

04/10/19 8:24:14

♪Paper-bike Rider♪

01/08/19 8:01:01

Just a regular day at the beach for Evel Knievel.

13/06/19 8:34:54

"Look at that girl taking our photo over her shoulder. Weirdo."

20/05/19 8:09:41

Ground Hog Day ... I feel like I've read this caption before.

13/05/19 22:51:52

Must have been on the grounds of the pork. --Willie Johnson

The moment the Invisible Man realised he wasn't that special.

25/04/19 8:05:14

Woolly Jumpers

25/03/19 20:00:21

The rumour that King Midas died while masturbating turned out to be true.

13/02/19 20:29:48

Shit, wardrobe malfunction ... send out the red spiky number as a distraction.

18/09/19 8:04:13

I wondered if someone would notice the arseless ensemble behind her. Good caption for it! :^) --Crunchy Chords

Look closely, they managed to sneak a cat into this bike photo.

01/08/19 8:13:17

You must have BMX-Ray vision. --Dave Bryan

Planning permission was put in for 12 of these identical houses, but for some reason they built 13.

30/07/19 8:31:02

Turns out you CAN get too much liposuction.

27/06/19 8:41:08

"Woman, bring me a working nipple, I can't get anything out of this one."

11/06/19 12:05:26

Jesus of Nazareth

10/06/19 13:32:15

"For a gynecologist you're spending a long time looking at my shoulders."

"Sorry, I'm just building up my courage."

14/05/19 20:32:18

"Hey Bill, why did we join this stupid society again?"
"Shut up Harry, and remember the ratio. It's 6 to 1 mate."

03/04/19 9:14:20

Ever since Joe lost his wife his hoarding became a major concern. They never did find her by the way.

16/03/19 12:50:52

No wonder she used to stand over air vents.

25/02/19 20:06:05

"Two happy meals, a ride on the carousel, and a romantic walk on the beach. If I don't get a snog out of this I'm giving up dating."

03/02/19 12:26:24

Beware of rubber duckies. They're dangerous little bastards.

02/02/19 8:01:50

*Free item can be another mannequin, a cat, or a bicycle.

06/10/19 8:19:14

Can't explain why, but this caption really tickled me. --Chris Beach

This is the highest resolution photo I've ever seen on Caption.me ... I still have no idea what the hell it's of.

28/09/19 8:19:04

It's probably a bike. --Dave Bryan

The other 32% are treated to a nice warm bath at KFC.

20/08/19 8:00:27

Before hair and makeup Big Bird is unrecognisable.

14/08/19 20:02:06

"And this is where I abducted you fifteen years ago."

29/07/19 8:14:07

I fell in love with her beautiful big blue eyes ... and then those damn Doctors Without Borders fixed my glaucoma.

16/07/19 8:16:17

"Thank goodness for the stork service. The alternative method is so messy."

07/05/19 20:12:53

There's nothing worse than when your cryogenic sleep is disturbed by someone looking for frozen peas.

20/04/19 12:00:22

It would probably be a sweet way to be woken in the morning ... if you owned a cat.

01/04/19 8:16:42

"So Darling, I had my piano upgraded. Do you like the pop-up scenery?"

"It's nice Dear, but installing the slide was a stroke of genius."

07/02/19 8:18:30

By the power vested in sea, I pronounce you sand and wife. You may miss the tide.

19/01/19 10:44:24

"What, you were expecting a clown?"

Thu 8:00:10

"Hi everybody, I'm back, and I've brought food."

Mon 20:12:31

"I had this dream. Two bears were sweetening my coffee by dancing a jive and crushing sugar cubes between their butts. Then they asked me if I wanted cream ... At this point things got weird."

Mon 1:19:49

Tired of being the graphic representation of a terrible pun, Blossom escaped from the get well card that read 'Ewe will soon be in the pink!'

02/10/19 8:40:21

I've had a really bad day, so I voted for this photo just to piss everyone else off.

03/09/19 8:01:09

I've had a good day, so I voted for this caption. So you didn't piss me off. --Willie Johnson

When Godzilla and The Statue of Liberty divorced, she got the house.

26/08/19 20:07:42

Some mini golf courses are just ridiculous.

19/07/19 14:34:19

The cup final has come down to a penalty shootout ... tensions are high ... the crowd goes quiet ... you nervously approach the mark ... take a deep breath ... concentrate ... and then some smartarse starts a drumroll.

17/07/19 23:15:48

Maybe, but wanking makes you blind four-eyes.

03/07/19 8:09:33

Are you sure wanking makes you blind ..I think we should have a mass debate. --stone face

"Well son, if you'd ducked when I yelled 'DUCK' you'd still have a nose."

26/06/19 20:56:16

I love playing with the spinner from The Game of Life Life Life Life Life Life Life Life Life.

07/06/19 8:00:18

That "Should I chew my arm off?" moment.

01/06/19 8:02:22

"So the new flatmate, his name's Dexter?"

30/05/19 12:09:05

"Suicide watch? Your service sucks. I jumped 45 minutes ago."

08/05/19 8:12:31

This is without doubt the longest I have stared at a dog's arsehole. I hope the rest of you can say the same.

05/05/19 9:43:27

Sad to say...... I think I can say the same. --Willie Johnson

Joan doesn't suffer from alzheimer's, but sometimes she wishes she did.

10/04/19 8:42:08

"Oh, a mobile DJ mega boom truck, can I make a request?"
"Yep sure."
"Please fuck off."

08/04/19 8:23:58

I don't give a FCUK --Molly R

Rarely captured on camera, the queen bee is a magnificent creature.

26/03/19 12:01:32

Who hasn't faked a heart attack to get out of a kid's birthday party?

13/03/19 8:04:11

She's had her hair straightened. It used to be wavy.

11/03/19 20:19:57

I did think about posting a separate caption rather than just a comment but as long as you are the same author as the original I posted my comment on, I'm happy. Nice one 😁 --Mr Dome

"So, a 6-0 loss isn't good, but cheer up mate, we've got the shower to look forward to."

11/03/19 8:43:46

"So, he was about my height, and he'll be wearing what I used to be wearing."

04/03/19 20:02:12

"Sorry James, we can't put 'Arsebandit' on the plaque. How about 'Architect' instead?"

28/01/19 20:00:41

John sank into a deep depression after his wife left him for a Sony 65 inch Ultra HD.

22/01/19 20:19:44

Jim the sign-writer's porn obsession has started to affect his work.

Wed 20:09:06

Oh shit, I've misread something again. Best I go and fish The Wolf out of the Thames.

Wed 14:35:45

"I have no pride."

06/10/19 13:30:19

Paws for thought.

06/09/19 20:00:54

Captioneers concoct a cunning plan to lure out The Wolf, so we can break his fingers.

05/09/19 8:00:10

I may have been persuaded to put on the red mac but my involvement ends there. --Karyn Harrison

"Ooo, that fabric does feel nice, I like your hair too, where do you get it done?"

"Coach! Sub!"

30/08/19 20:09:17

"Hey man, I probably shouldn't fly home tonight, is it OK if I crash here?"

21/08/19 12:00:21

"You're telling me nobody remembered the can opener?"

17/08/19 12:05:07

Turns out you can take a photo anywhere in the universe, with any number of strange alien creatures, and there will still be a bloody mannequin and a cat in it.

25/07/19 12:00:44

Maybe it was a bit drastic, but nobody notices his outie anymore.

23/07/19 8:16:00

"Nurse, you did switch the X-Ray machine off before you went to lunch, didn't you?"

27/06/19 8:08:54

The original Mickey Mouse Club had trouble standing.

13/06/19 8:02:39

The Society for Suicide Prevention decided to rethink its reverse-psychology advertising campaign.

11/06/19 20:27:54

Don't worry kid, all us captioneers are just as bemused as you.

10/06/19 10:24:58

"Hello police? Ignore my last call. While I was telling you about the strange man taking my photo, a tiger jumped through the window and ate him, so everything's fine."

18/05/19 8:05:56

Thanks to sex education in schools, storks have a lot more spare time these days.

10/05/19 12:00:14

"Put that back you little shit. My penis is not a raygun!"

10/05/19 8:11:49

"And tomorrow it will be raining men."

17/04/19 8:01:38

Sylvia sensuously slipped out of her red lace dress. For a moment Fabio stood motionless, staring at her beautiful naked body, then he proudly uncaged his prize pecker.

07/04/19 13:51:05

I would have voted for this for the use of Fabio alone --Mr Dome

No caption, just a message, and apologies for the lack of humour: I live just out of Christchurch, NZ, where a week ago some unspeakable moron took the lives of 50 Muslims for no other reason than they were different from him. I hope, if anything, this picture shows that we all are not that different.

21/03/19 12:26:41

Salaam alaikum. --John Glover

"Don't worry. The baby's fine. It's just playing in the sand pit."

"But we don't have a sand pit."

"You know. My sand pit. In the plastic tray."

15/03/19 12:53:56

"DON'T pull the chain!"

05/03/19 12:29:59

Even if you take extreme measures to masturbate in private, some bugger is still likely to catch you at it.

16/02/19 21:27:45

"It's a sext from Catwoman. Time to dust off the old Batpole!"

07/02/19 20:27:47

Damn Sat Nav.

14/01/19 20:07:42

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8zjVZvkzr5A Listen at own risk ;) --James Lennox

"I regret not opening a bakery ... or a wine shop. Why didn't I open a wine shop?"

Mon 20:01:05

It isn't easy being a pigeon that suffers from air sickness.

03/10/19 12:15:50

Ah, the good old days. Smoking, no seat belts, casual unprotected sex ...

01/10/19 20:04:51

Gotta love it when you turn up 5 minutes late at caption time and the only thing there is tumbleweeds.

29/09/19 20:07:02

Strangely enough, I've found several captions to like. Maybe it's because I'm TOO late? --Willie Johnson

Dear Mr Monster, Apparently Dr Frankenstein recently endowed you with an appendage belonging to my late husband. I'd very much like to see it again.

29/09/19 9:52:29

I used to put money on the horses, then I put money on the dogs ... perhaps if I put dogs on the horses I'll get my money back.

23/09/19 8:08:23

Three people voted for this photo. Explain yourselves.

07/09/19 8:17:07

It wouldn't surprise me if Anon had something to do with it. --Dave Bryan

Little Red Riding Hood returns to the scene of her childhood trauma.

05/09/19 8:01:12

The mermaids didn't think their human transformation had gone quite right, but they weren't complaining.

21/08/19 10:09:25

"Um, yeah mate, definitely a lump. You should get that checked out."

19/08/19 8:05:22

Looks like there's an oven in the bun.

30/07/19 8:23:43

"Well Billy, I think it is a critique on human vanity and the carnal nature with which we are destroying the aquatic environment through intensive and insensitve over indulgence in the trivial and menial cultural pastiche of a plastic orientated society. Your thoughts?"

"I like her tits."

27/07/19 15:06:56

Turns out my obstetrician-gynecologist is also a tattoo artist. I wondered what the hell he was up to down there.

23/07/19 8:06:16

That shitty moment when you come back from having a joint to find somebody has stolen your chair.

20/07/19 8:01:16

Bridled with his impending doom, Derek had little choice but to chew his own hand off.

15/07/19 10:43:12

"Homo sex leads to hell? I know, I've been there ... They wouldn't let me in."

03/07/19 20:01:03

"If you hold it to your chin Sweetie, your chin will turn yellow."
"Thanks Mum, did you hold yours to your teeth?"

02/07/19 8:02:14

"I think I just ruined our right of return on these pants."

01/07/19 8:24:01

"Perfect, hold it there, and ..." !Click!

30/06/19 8:02:03

"Do NOT exit the vehicle."

29/06/19 20:00:20

"I hope this goes better than last time."

24/06/19 8:00:35

Hahaha --Karen Oakenfull

When Steve Davis retired from snooker he took up fishing.

15/06/19 8:39:36

Unable to talk, lego people use sign language. This means he wants to give you head.

14/06/19 20:30:15

Ask yourself which is worse: A cutesy animal censorship image, or a nudist middle aged hiker?

08/06/19 12:22:11

For neck frills, the bride chose a salad filled Boston bun, which was odd but understandable. Nobody knows why the groom chose a prolapsed sheep anus.

03/06/19 20:10:40

Where'd you think they came from? Out of the blue?... --Charles Gilbert

As Stephen Hawking always said, "Nothing can escape a black hole, not even a raccoon."

03/06/19 8:04:05

May the fo ... no, fifteenth.

15/05/19 20:40:20

Flopsy, Mopsy, and Cottontail had had a titfull of Peter.

20/04/19 20:35:32

Hmmn. Thanks Karyn. Will post a question in the forum. --James Lennox

"When you said you lived on a boat and were a dream catch I was expecting something ... better."

14/03/19 13:16:45

"I'd like to report an explosion at the talcum powder factory."

06/03/19 20:04:49

Strange place for a kidnap.

02/03/19 23:02:44

"Good boy ... drop," Leroy managed to whisper after his freak chainsaw accident.

28/02/19 12:41:59

If you clicked refresh over a hundred times between 20:00 and 20:53 you probably need help.

23/02/19 21:11:53

"No Tarzan, you may not cut in."

09/02/19 21:18:25

Shoplifters often work in teams. Two of them cause a distraction, while the third makes a run for it.

06/02/19 18:33:06

The breast caption is one that makes you think.

17/01/19 20:41:53

So everyone's behaving themselves, and then you two decide to get it on.

17/01/19 8:14:33

They started acting lovey-dovey. --Spycenwolf

Well, if you really want the truth, your lips taste like plastic and you have a hairy tongue.

15/01/19 20:23:19

"On second thoughts, I won't have the omelette."

01/01/19 21:00:37

"Oh, you must be the organ donor. Mr Gulliver will be so pleased to see you."

Tue 13:07:37

*Free mannequin must be equally or less sexy than the least sexy of the originally purchased mannequins.

06/10/19 8:00:20

This is not the correct way to hold a panda.

05/10/19 20:18:29

The morning after is often embarrassing for a werewolf.

05/10/19 10:40:36

"Trump is a shithead ... now, let's have a look at today's caption photo."

03/10/19 20:00:12

"Faster Honey ... aim straight at the one in the homophobic T-shirt."

01/10/19 20:00:32

Diagonal bracing resists both compression and tension and therefore provides excellent reduced weight structural strength in rigid constructions using isotropic building materials.

That's about the funniest thing I could think of for this photo.

01/10/19 9:25:44

Taken from the book '101 reasons engineers are funnier than accountants' --Mr Dome

"F*ck it," said Prince Charming. "They'll be plenty more chicks at the next ball."

30/09/19 20:09:15

"And the award for 'Most likely to grow up to become a serial killer' goes to ..."

27/09/19 8:00:52

¿Por que Pig?

(Nod 13:02:04)

25/09/19 13:52:32

These Justin Trudeau photos are relentless.

24/09/19 12:45:02

"Look, I can cope with the dress, and even the stupid hat, but Jeezuz, what's with that metal pole up my arse?"

24/09/19 8:01:35

Ignore the puns, vote for my caption ewe baastards.

23/09/19 20:21:50

You fall in love with the man of your dreams, so you get a large tattoo of his likeness as a sign of dedication, but it turns out he's a supernatural serial killer who eats little children, and now you regret getting the tattoo ... That old story.

17/09/19 20:02:54

"Surely you can't be serious."

"I am Sirius, and don't call me Shirley."

03/09/19 8:05:23

Van Gogh's first attempt at "Starry Night" was kind of crap.

03/09/19 8:02:45

"Woops, sorry John. At least you've got that air freshener thingy plugged in."

01/09/19 8:01:19

So Eleanor Rigby was a dirty bag lady with clown feet ... no wonder she was a lonely person.

26/08/19 8:11:56

"And this is what we'll do to Arthur Dent's brain."

18/08/19 13:35:21

Meal's on wheels.

17/08/19 12:00:32

Faghetti

16/08/19 20:00:10

"Damn! 125,000,000 miles of lakeshores and riverbanks in the world and we had to pick this spot to empty the aquarium."

05/08/19 20:04:08

Umbralley

02/08/19 20:01:20

Anthropomorphicycle

01/08/19 12:21:57

"OK Doll, basic anatomy lesson. Monkeys have tails, apes don't. I'm not a monkey, I'm an ape with one hell of an impressive penis."

09/07/19 8:05:48

Australian quintuplets mother jailed after jury fails to accept her "An emu took my babies" defence.

02/07/19 20:11:04

Due to a mathematical anomaly I currently have 42 captions remaining this week. I'm tempted to use all of them repeating over and over again "Trump is a dangerous moron," but it would be a waste of time. Every sane person in the world already knows this, and everyone who doesn't is already insane.

28/06/19 8:32:39

"Play it cool, and get me a steak and kidney pie," whispered the Invisible Man.

27/06/19 20:54:41

If acorns have baby acorns, what the hell falls off oak trees?

26/06/19 20:26:57

Santa has his sleigh, the Toothfairy has this.

10/06/19 20:28:03

Look who's finally come out of her shell.

29/05/19 12:33:12

"Jeez that dude is white," thought Pablo, switching to his extra dark sunglasses.

25/05/19 20:45:33

"To be, or not to be: that is the question:
Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to suffer
The slings and arrows of outrageous fortune,
Or to take arms against a sea of troubles,
And by opposing end them? To die: to sleep;
No more; and by a sleep to say we end
The heart-ache and the thousand natural shocks
That flesh is heir to, 'tis a consummation
Devoutly to be wish'd. To die, to sleep;
To sleep: perchance to dream: ay, there's the rub;
For in that sleep of death what dreams may come
When we have shuffled off this mortal coil ..."

"Jeezuz Christ Will! We're trying to rest in peace here."

23/05/19 12:17:44

Little Johnny started his Supervillian career early by stealing Wonderwoman's jet.

07/05/19 20:05:09

"And this is me and the boys last Easter."

07/05/19 14:12:16

Holy of holies

05/05/19 8:09:48

"What's that about my shoes? Don't change the f*cken subject, just top up my goddamn brandy!"

04/05/19 8:04:58

The other geese laughed when she said he'd win an academy award one day, but his mum always knew Ryan was special.

03/05/19 9:17:03

And just like that, the global rising sea level crisis was averted.

26/04/19 8:28:34

He's in hiding from three rabbits with guns.

23/04/19 20:11:15

"Did you know you can remove lint with your tongue? I'll demonstrate if you like."

17/04/19 13:01:50

"I know how to escape! Use metal bar to pry open electrical wiring hatch. Put on rubber gloves. Insert bar between the two live terminals. Tie blue cloth to straw, and place straw between teeth. Lubricate anus with lump of butter. Insert coke can. Gently lower buttocks on to live metal bar. Wait until coke can explodes (bite down on straw for pain if necessary) and propels you over wall. Remove straw from teeth and wave flag to summon medical assistance."

16/04/19 8:12:12

Or get the bus.. --stone face

"I'll never forgive you for yesterday morning ... on your bed, our bed, kissing you ... that black and white bitch from next door."

02/04/19 14:52:39

"You've got something on your face."

30/03/19 21:04:32

"It's just not the same here since George Michael stopped coming around."

27/03/19 8:05:11