James Lennox

"Luke, I am your farmer."

23/03/19 8:46:34

Haha. I don't mind chipping in a tenner for second place (it definitely will not be one of mine)!! Great caption. Genuinely choked on my toast. So thanks for nearly killing me! --The Wolf

£50
WINNER

lol x2

Wash his hands hopefully.

clever x2

22/01/19 8:22:17

Thanks Dave and everyone else. Chuffed to be on the board and loving the spirit of Caption.me. Will continue to represent the hobbits down here in NZ. Cheers all. --James Lennox

21/05/19 12:00:27

It was a beautiful wedding, but the honeymoon in France didn't end well.

01/03/19 20:13:39

Giving up smoking, diary entry day 23: Either I'm starting to hallucinate or my wife is a bitch.

03/03/19 20:47:18

No she’s not, she menthol 🙃 --Karen Oakenfull

Looks like the match went to sudden death.

17/07/19 8:30:33

"One way or another Monsieur, you will leave a tip."

05/03/19 12:24:57

"Well Sir, we don't actually need to strip search you, but we do appreciate your eagerness to cooperate."

15/02/19 20:16:18

My wife wanted a baby, I wanted a fridge magnet, we compromised.

26/06/19 8:00:40

Scientists at CERN say it's nothing to worry about.

23/03/19 13:42:05

He's been driving around in circles for ages.

20/02/19 12:00:19

I retract my earlier caption: THIS is the tackiest toilet I've ever seen.

24/04/19 20:09:10

Replace your groin armour now Stormtrooper #66!

26/01/19 12:12:44

"It's fine. Don't mind me. Pretend I'm not here. Go back to sleep."

28/07/19 8:00:16

The photo doesn't show how truly impressive this is. They're actually jumping it backwards.

30/06/19 8:13:44

Due to recent controversy, all red-headed children must be blurred in photos.

10/05/19 8:01:23

"Menstrual cycle - Mood. Do you understand now?"

26/01/19 9:26:11

That sinking feeling when you're about to become extinct.

02/06/19 8:00:40

Holy Shit

27/05/19 12:00:10

That's the tackiest toilet seat I've ever seen.

24/04/19 8:01:27

Oscar Pistorius' latest escape attempt.

10/04/19 13:07:25

It's no mean feet --Mr Dome

"Grandmother, what big eyes you have."

08/04/19 12:00:22

... of Driving into Miss Daisy.

05/04/19 12:33:19

The problem has been the red pen. If we switch to a green one things will improve.

26/01/19 8:33:37

♪Paper-bike Rider♪

01/08/19 8:01:01

Just a regular day at the beach for Evel Knievel.

13/06/19 8:34:54

"Look at that girl taking our photo over her shoulder. Weirdo."

20/05/19 8:09:41

Ground Hog Day ... I feel like I've read this caption before.

13/05/19 22:51:52

Must have been on the grounds of the pork. --Willie Johnson

The moment the Invisible Man realised he wasn't that special.

25/04/19 8:05:14

Woolly Jumpers

25/03/19 20:00:21

The rumour that King Midas died while masturbating turned out to be true.

13/02/19 20:29:48

Look closely, they managed to sneak a cat into this bike photo.

01/08/19 8:13:17

You must have BMX-Ray vision. --Dave Bryan

Planning permission was put in for 12 of these identical houses, but for some reason they built 13.

30/07/19 8:31:02

Turns out you CAN get too much liposuction.

27/06/19 8:41:08

"Woman, bring me a working nipple, I can't get anything out of this one."

11/06/19 12:05:26

Jesus of Nazareth

10/06/19 13:32:15

"For a gynecologist you're spending a long time looking at my shoulders."

"Sorry, I'm just building up my courage."

14/05/19 20:32:18

"Hey Bill, why did we join this stupid society again?"
"Shut up Harry, and remember the ratio. It's 6 to 1 mate."

03/04/19 9:14:20

Ever since Joe lost his wife his hoarding became a major concern. They never did find her by the way.

16/03/19 12:50:52

No wonder she used to stand over air vents.

25/02/19 20:06:05

"Two happy meals, a ride on the carousel, and a romantic walk on the beach. If I don't get a snog out of this I'm giving up dating."

03/02/19 12:26:24

Beware of rubber duckies. They're dangerous little bastards.

02/02/19 8:01:50

Before hair and makeup Big Bird is unrecognisable.

Wed 20:02:06

"And this is where I abducted you fifteen years ago."

29/07/19 8:14:07

I fell in love with her beautiful big blue eyes ... and then those damn Doctors Without Borders fixed my glaucoma.

16/07/19 8:16:17

"Thank goodness for the stork service. The alternative method is so messy."

07/05/19 20:12:53

There's nothing worse than when your cryogenic sleep is disturbed by someone looking for frozen peas.

20/04/19 12:00:22

It would probably be a sweet way to be woken in the morning ... if you owned a cat.

01/04/19 8:16:42

"So Darling, I had my piano upgraded. Do you like the pop-up scenery?"

"It's nice Dear, but installing the slide was a stroke of genius."

07/02/19 8:18:30

By the power vested in sea, I pronounce you sand and wife. You may miss the tide.

19/01/19 10:44:24

Some mini golf courses are just ridiculous.

19/07/19 14:34:19

The cup final has come down to a penalty shootout ... tensions are high ... the crowd goes quiet ... you nervously approach the mark ... take a deep breath ... concentrate ... and then some smartarse starts a drumroll.

17/07/19 23:15:48

Maybe, but wanking makes you blind four-eyes.

03/07/19 8:09:33

Are you sure wanking makes you blind ..I think we should have a mass debate. --stone face

"Well son, if you'd ducked when I yelled 'DUCK' you'd still have a nose."

26/06/19 20:56:16

I love playing with the spinner from The Game of Life Life Life Life Life Life Life Life Life.

07/06/19 8:00:18

That "Should I chew my arm off?" moment.

01/06/19 8:02:22

"So the new flatmate, his name's Dexter?"

30/05/19 12:09:05

"Suicide watch? Your service sucks. I jumped 45 minutes ago."

08/05/19 8:12:31

This is without doubt the longest I have stared at a dog's arsehole. I hope the rest of you can say the same.

05/05/19 9:43:27

Sad to say...... I think I can say the same. --Willie Johnson

Joan doesn't suffer from alzheimer's, but sometimes she wishes she did.

10/04/19 8:42:08

"Oh, a mobile DJ mega boom truck, can I make a request?"
"Yep sure."
"Please fuck off."

08/04/19 8:23:58

I don't give a FCUK --Molly R

Rarely captured on camera, the queen bee is a magnificent creature.

26/03/19 12:01:32

Who hasn't faked a heart attack to get out of a kid's birthday party?

13/03/19 8:04:11

She's had her hair straightened. It used to be wavy.

11/03/19 20:19:57

I did think about posting a separate caption rather than just a comment but as long as you are the same author as the original I posted my comment on, I'm happy. Nice one 😁 --Mr Dome

"So, a 6-0 loss isn't good, but cheer up mate, we've got the shower to look forward to."

11/03/19 8:43:46

"So, he was about my height, and he'll be wearing what I used to be wearing."

04/03/19 20:02:12

"Sorry James, we can't put 'Arsebandit' on the plaque. How about 'Architect' instead?"

28/01/19 20:00:41

John sank into a deep depression after his wife left him for a Sony 65 inch Ultra HD.

22/01/19 20:19:44

Turns out you can take a photo anywhere in the universe, with any number of strange alien creatures, and there will still be a bloody mannequin and a cat in it.

25/07/19 12:00:44

Maybe it was a bit drastic, but nobody notices his outie anymore.

23/07/19 8:16:00

"Nurse, you did switch the X-Ray machine off before you went to lunch, didn't you?"

27/06/19 8:08:54

The original Mickey Mouse Club had trouble standing.

13/06/19 8:02:39

The Society for Suicide Prevention decided to rethink its reverse-psychology advertising campaign.

11/06/19 20:27:54

Don't worry kid, all us captioneers are just as bemused as you.

10/06/19 10:24:58

"Hello police? Ignore my last call. While I was telling you about the strange man taking my photo, a tiger jumped through the window and ate him, so everything's fine."

18/05/19 8:05:56

Thanks to sex education in schools, storks have a lot more spare time these days.

10/05/19 12:00:14

"Put that back you little shit. My penis is not a raygun!"

10/05/19 8:11:49

"And tomorrow it will be raining men."

17/04/19 8:01:38

Sylvia sensuously slipped out of her red lace dress. For a moment Fabio stood motionless, staring at her beautiful naked body, then he proudly uncaged his prize pecker.

07/04/19 13:51:05

I would have voted for this for the use of Fabio alone --Mr Dome

No caption, just a message, and apologies for the lack of humour: I live just out of Christchurch, NZ, where a week ago some unspeakable moron took the lives of 50 Muslims for no other reason than they were different from him. I hope, if anything, this picture shows that we all are not that different.

21/03/19 12:26:41

Salaam alaikum. --John Glover

"Don't worry. The baby's fine. It's just playing in the sand pit."

"But we don't have a sand pit."

"You know. My sand pit. In the plastic tray."

15/03/19 12:53:56

"DON'T pull the chain!"

05/03/19 12:29:59

Even if you take extreme measures to masturbate in private, some bugger is still likely to catch you at it.

16/02/19 21:27:45

"It's a sext from Catwoman. Time to dust off the old Batpole!"

07/02/19 20:27:47

Damn Sat Nav.

14/01/19 20:07:42

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8zjVZvkzr5A Listen at own risk ;) --James Lennox

Looks like there's an oven in the bun.

30/07/19 8:23:43

"Well Billy, I think it is a critique on human vanity and the carnal nature with which we are destroying the aquatic environment through intensive and insensitve over indulgence in the trivial and menial cultural pastiche of a plastic orientated society. Your thoughts?"

"I like her tits."

27/07/19 15:06:56

Turns out my obstetrician-gynecologist is also a tattoo artist. I wondered what the hell he was up to down there.

23/07/19 8:06:16

That shitty moment when you come back from having a joint to find somebody has stolen your chair.

20/07/19 8:01:16

Bridled with his impending doom, Derek had little choice but to chew his own hand off.

15/07/19 10:43:12

"Homo sex leads to hell? I know, I've been there ... They wouldn't let me in."

03/07/19 20:01:03

"If you hold it to your chin Sweetie, your chin will turn yellow."
"Thanks Mum, did you hold yours to your teeth?"

02/07/19 8:02:14

"I think I just ruined our right of return on these pants."

01/07/19 8:24:01

"Perfect, hold it there, and ..." !Click!

30/06/19 8:02:03

"Do NOT exit the vehicle."

29/06/19 20:00:20

"I hope this goes better than last time."

24/06/19 8:00:35

Hahaha --Karen Oakenfull

When Steve Davis retired from snooker he took up fishing.

15/06/19 8:39:36

Unable to talk, lego people use sign language. This means he wants to give you head.

14/06/19 20:30:15

Ask yourself which is worse: A cutesy animal censorship image, or a nudist middle aged hiker?

08/06/19 12:22:11

For neck frills, the bride chose a salad filled Boston bun, which was odd but understandable. Nobody knows why the groom chose a prolapsed sheep anus.

03/06/19 20:10:40

Where'd you think they came from? Out of the blue?... --Charles Gilbert

As Stephen Hawking always said, "Nothing can escape a black hole, not even a raccoon."

03/06/19 8:04:05

May the fo ... no, fifteenth.

15/05/19 20:40:20

Flopsy, Mopsy, and Cottontail had had a titfull of Peter.

20/04/19 20:35:32

Hmmn. Thanks Karyn. Will post a question in the forum. --James Lennox

"When you said you lived on a boat and were a dream catch I was expecting something ... better."

14/03/19 13:16:45

"I'd like to report an explosion at the talcum powder factory."

06/03/19 20:04:49

Strange place for a kidnap.

02/03/19 23:02:44

"Good boy ... drop," Leroy managed to whisper after his freak chainsaw accident.

28/02/19 12:41:59

If you clicked refresh over a hundred times between 20:00 and 20:53 you probably need help.

23/02/19 21:11:53

"No Tarzan, you may not cut in."

09/02/19 21:18:25

Shoplifters often work in teams. Two of them cause a distraction, while the third makes a run for it.

06/02/19 18:33:06

The breast caption is one that makes you think.

17/01/19 20:41:53

So everyone's behaving themselves, and then you two decide to get it on.

17/01/19 8:14:33

They started acting lovey-dovey. --Spycenwolf

Well, if you really want the truth, your lips taste like plastic and you have a hairy tongue.

15/01/19 20:23:19

"On second thoughts, I won't have the omelette."

01/01/19 21:00:37

"Damn! 125,000,000 miles of lakeshores and riverbanks in the world and we had to pick this spot to empty the aquarium."

05/08/19 20:04:08

Umbralley

02/08/19 20:01:20

Anthropomorphicycle

01/08/19 12:21:57

"OK Doll, basic anatomy lesson. Monkeys have tails, apes don't. I'm not a monkey, I'm an ape with one hell of an impressive penis."

09/07/19 8:05:48

Australian quintuplets mother jailed after jury fails to accept her "An emu took my babies" defence.

02/07/19 20:11:04

Due to a mathematical anomaly I currently have 42 captions remaining this week. I'm tempted to use all of them repeating over and over again "Trump is a dangerous moron," but it would be a waste of time. Every sane person in the world already knows this, and everyone who doesn't is already insane.

28/06/19 8:32:39

"Play it cool, and get me a steak and kidney pie," whispered the Invisible Man.

27/06/19 20:54:41

If acorns have baby acorns, what the hell falls off oak trees?

26/06/19 20:26:57

Santa has his sleigh, the Toothfairy has this.

10/06/19 20:28:03

Look who's finally come out of her shell.

29/05/19 12:33:12

"Jeez that dude is white," thought Pablo, switching to his extra dark sunglasses.

25/05/19 20:45:33

"To be, or not to be: that is the question:
Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to suffer
The slings and arrows of outrageous fortune,
Or to take arms against a sea of troubles,
And by opposing end them? To die: to sleep;
No more; and by a sleep to say we end
The heart-ache and the thousand natural shocks
That flesh is heir to, 'tis a consummation
Devoutly to be wish'd. To die, to sleep;
To sleep: perchance to dream: ay, there's the rub;
For in that sleep of death what dreams may come
When we have shuffled off this mortal coil ..."

"Jeezuz Christ Will! We're trying to rest in peace here."

23/05/19 12:17:44

Little Johnny started his Supervillian career early by stealing Wonderwoman's jet.

07/05/19 20:05:09

"And this is me and the boys last Easter."

07/05/19 14:12:16

Holy of holies

05/05/19 8:09:48

"What's that about my shoes? Don't change the f*cken subject, just top up my goddamn brandy!"

04/05/19 8:04:58

The other geese laughed when she said he'd win an academy award one day, but his mum always knew Ryan was special.

03/05/19 9:17:03

And just like that, the global rising sea level crisis was averted.

26/04/19 8:28:34

He's in hiding from three rabbits with guns.

23/04/19 20:11:15

"Did you know you can remove lint with your tongue? I'll demonstrate if you like."

17/04/19 13:01:50

"I know how to escape! Use metal bar to pry open electrical wiring hatch. Put on rubber gloves. Insert bar between the two live terminals. Tie blue cloth to straw, and place straw between teeth. Lubricate anus with lump of butter. Insert coke can. Gently lower buttocks on to live metal bar. Wait until coke can explodes (bite down on straw for pain if necessary) and propels you over wall. Remove straw from teeth and wave flag to summon medical assistance."

16/04/19 8:12:12

Or get the bus.. --stone face

"I'll never forgive you for yesterday morning ... on your bed, our bed, kissing you ... that black and white bitch from next door."

02/04/19 14:52:39

"You've got something on your face."

30/03/19 21:04:32

"It's just not the same here since George Michael stopped coming around."

27/03/19 8:05:11