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Stephen Paterson

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British, with the mind of a stoner.

Age: 46, Town/City: Dunfermline

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captions

clever x3

He'll be back in his crypt tonight.

10/05/18 12:14:18

clever

Bah HungBug!

22/12/16 12:01:58

Thank you folks, that's now my best scoring caption. :-) --Stephen Paterson

Brian was incredibly nervous about his upcoming appearance on Mastermind.

30/09/17 12:15:44

It brings a new meaning to the phrase "I've started so I'll finish"! --Paul Woolley

clever

Indognito.

12/09/15 9:01:42

£50
WINNER

lol x2

This week on When Dogs Look Like Their Owners: Piers Morgan.

18/07/18 0:32:15

Woof! Wasn't expecting that. Nice one Folks! --Stephen Paterson

09/11/15 12:02:16

Meanwhile in Aberdeen, someone had just popped their head in the door to announce that a cash machine was giving out double the notes.

11/09/15 17:24:00

Shellraiser.

22/06/15 12:02:12

Not surprised there's a queue, they've only got a single file.

15/03/18 12:02:00

creative

clever

A typo in their recruitment advert meant one house builder ended up with a specialist in Patois.

07/05/17 9:42:42

You clever cant. --Neil Mackenzie

clever

Turns out, Jane was also being paid peanuts.

14/03/18 20:00:42

clever

Sqwheel!

08/03/18 12:37:56

clever

Careful now, someone's set booby traps.

13/12/16 14:35:11

lol

There was no mention of this on the SunLife advert!?

04/04/21 20:36:52

clever

I had to buy more after some sick individual deflowered the last ones.

24/07/18 21:53:37

Must be a cross-breed.

23/02/15 11:27:19

Farmer Sutra

05/01/12 11:45:49

lol

Fatter Seat Dogs Home.

29/08/16 8:13:25

Well that's Frosty off the Nice list, thought Santa after witnessing his inappropriate salute.

23/11/15 13:28:52

Guilt trip.

14/11/15 12:17:02

The Gland National

02/05/17 12:07:59

Make something out of lego? I'm not that creative but I'll have a stab at it.

31/08/16 12:02:57

lol

"Best Tea-Towel holder ever!"

24/12/15 9:28:44

Wee three Kings.

26/01/12 11:03:07

Moments later Kermit got pulled over by the police and was found to have a massive collection of frogs pawn.

04/10/11 11:11:40

Pier pressure.

30/12/16 12:06:15

Mannequin Skywalker

16/04/15 11:24:17

I've got a puncture, Darn it!

23/02/21 10:15:51

Clare hadn't quite gotten over her yeast infection.

12/08/17 12:21:19

See, weed does mess with your head.

31/07/17 8:01:22

An outfit he threw together at the eleventh hour.

03/11/15 20:23:43

🎵 Shoelips from Amsterdam 🎵

25/02/15 9:54:59

clever

Cirque du Sorbet.

06/02/15 12:04:56

🎵 Pass the Dutch Air on the left hand side 🎵

20/02/21 20:14:43

19/01/21 20:17:46

13/09/17 10:56:00

06/05/17 10:41:05

This car was sold the following day, as an ex-demonstrator.

13/02/17 12:10:22

lol

"Wait till you see the other side Pat, you're bound to have a stroke".

07/12/16 9:44:14

"Flaming Squatters!"

27/11/16 8:47:24

Spoilt for years, Brian needed a boot up the arse.

01/05/16 8:50:43

lol

Everyone was surprised when the third brother turned out to be Brown Sauce.

09/12/15 20:25:25

Jane knew she was in safe hands, as her partner had already experienced fourth baste.

22/11/15 8:33:19

"What a husky voice you have!"

21/10/15 21:05:21

lol

The Xylophobic chants were hard to take.

25/06/15 11:28:20

The Fritzl Bunch.

02/12/11 11:29:18

Hence why I voted!!!! WHEYY--OHHH --Bob Geddon

Moments later toilet duck was done for domestos violence.

20/09/11 11:41:47

Four guys, NO Cups!

09/11/11 9:57:22

It was the first time Toilet Duck had come across a floater in the bath, so he set about it gingerly.

04/11/11 11:28:36

I don't think you were supposed to untie that.

18/10/11 11:01:36

lol

clever

Rene and the Airmen were beginning to suspect that the Resistance were taking the piss.

16/03/17 21:07:12

AC/DC?

08/01/17 12:38:36

Highway to hell --Petey Bee

As if he wasn't already shocked.

08/01/17 12:08:44

Nice One! Cheers Andrea x --Stephen Paterson

This Den belongs to Levi Roots.

14/11/15 8:34:28

Scream Tea.

11/09/15 13:01:28

Surely it was time to stand up to these seikos.

08/04/17 14:46:57

clever

No butts!

31/12/16 10:10:13

no hips and butts --sandeep chahal

Times Square, Manhatton.

18/11/16 12:11:41

Morecambe Unwise

02/11/16 9:23:28

🎵 And they call it puppy glove 🎵

06/09/16 12:00:08

Now that's what I call Parental Control.

17/08/16 10:41:03

China begins targeting illegal squatters.

15/08/16 11:19:43

Subway, Eat Fresh.

29/07/16 9:59:53

Dribbling was a key part of his game.

19/07/16 12:50:25

clever

Tarmacmadam.

10/02/16 13:11:49

It's meant to be BASIL, the R's Faulty.

02/12/15 21:29:30

Guy playing Basil Fawlty criticised Cleese for being too tall. Not 'is fault 'e towers. --Michael Monkhouse

Ah, just remembered, we're out of Peanut Butter.

07/11/15 8:35:11

The height of irony.

02/11/15 12:51:26

Paranormal Activitea

11/09/15 12:55:47

SmiLing

06/06/15 9:15:01

"Erm, I don't suppose you'd like to take up a Missionary Position?"

29/05/15 12:41:42

Mick Jagger had petitioned for these two to be banned from his local beach.
However, he can't get no fatties sanction.

18/07/11 15:34:58

Girth Brooks.

12/04/21 20:12:42

clever

I thought you only got an "Oo" with Typhoo?

28/03/21 21:52:45

Smoothest Bus Ride Ever, thought Mrs Magoo.

16/07/18 11:32:32

Mood swings.

07/05/18 20:23:01

clever

Such an embarrassing period to talk about, the minstrel cycle.

06/03/18 9:46:38

Leaf Blower

22/04/17 12:09:38

Plays havoc with Bill's Gait.

14/01/17 10:43:48

That's the problem with rolling snowballs in the garden, there's always the chance of picking up a little shit.

20/12/16 15:55:35

What a horrific carpet!

28/04/16 10:31:41

Not a Taco Belle.

15/04/16 10:51:03

And they're not taking the piss.

09/03/16 12:01:26

It wasn't just his moustache that was revolting. When it came to the future of Poland, Jozef had Tsars in his eyes.

26/02/16 13:11:49

quit Stalin and get to the point... ;-) --[anon]

A Damsel in Discdress.

20/01/16 19:18:16

So I guess it's true about them having a massive Dong.

11/11/15 12:13:45

lol

"And this" said Bill Oddie, "is a lesser spotted pecker eating a tiny acorn"

13/09/15 10:36:37

The only time it's acceptable to hit a bum note.

09/09/15 13:41:59

lol

🎵 Amstel Standing 🎵

24/06/15 12:10:37

clever

Telling stories of how he was half baked in the Red Light district of Amsterdam, Brian failed to mention that he'd caught a yeast infection.

18/06/15 9:15:34

clever

CEYLON!

09/06/15 14:24:22

Brian was aggrieved at having to pay a higher Congestion Charge.

06/01/12 11:00:21

Brian was having a field day.

05/01/12 11:36:15

Phew, that was close, it nearly taurus a new one.

24/10/11 12:23:05

Clare's profile simply read: Looking for a Tallboy to hang around with.

29/09/11 12:20:00

Nest-cafe

31/03/11 11:09:17

"Touch it again and I'll break your fucking thumb!"

23/02/21 20:59:36

For he's a jolly good Bellow..

26/02/18 12:04:10

Available from specialist Nurseries.

26/07/17 12:03:51

The Bong Arm Of The Law.

19/04/17 20:17:34

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last comments (total: 123)

Well done!

ant knee

01/08/18
10:52am

comment on caption:
This week on When Dogs
Look Like Their Owners:

Piers Morgan. [Stephen Paterson]

Congrats Stephen

Vanessa the Guesser

01/08/18
3:26pm

comment on caption:
This week on When Dogs
Look Like Their Owners:

Piers Morgan. [Stephen Paterson]

Top caption, well done Sir.

Smuldo

01/08/18
4:23pm

comment on caption:
This week on When Dogs
Look Like Their Owners:

Piers Morgan. [Stephen Paterson]

Well done

Andrea Ivey

01/08/18
5:49pm

comment on caption:
This week on When Dogs
Look Like Their Owners:

Piers Morgan. [Stephen Paterson]

Nice one squire, great caption

Mr Dome

02/08/18
12:58am

comment on caption:
This week on When Dogs
Look Like Their Owners:

Piers Morgan. [Stephen Paterson]

Here's how it works: If you give a number of pigeons some typewriters and an infinite amount of time, they'll hunt and peck until they've written the complete works of Shakespeare (or a comment on the caption "Get a tomb", whichever is longest).

Willie Johnson

15/02/21
9:51am

comment on caption:
Crumbs! Will someone please explain to Alice just how a twitter feed works? [Stephen Paterson]

Still, better than our friends upstairs, the Roachsteins. Their whole brood have to live in matzah flatbread.

Mauris Iocus

25/02/21
6:58pm

comment on caption:
Dave found himself living with a bunch of inbreds. [Stephen Paterson]

They're all in bread if you ask me. Or even if you don't ask me.

Willie Johnson

25/02/21
9:17pm

comment on caption:
Dave found himself living with a bunch of inbreds. [Stephen Paterson]

That's because Biden is the pips.

[anon]

15/03/21
10:43am

comment on caption:
Speaking of orange tits, Trump's been quiet recently. [Stephen Paterson]

Yes! - it must be election day. The most important day to get IndyRef2 in the bag. And then IndyRef 3 ha ha ha, 4 ha ha ha, 5 ha ha ha, 6 ha ha ha, 7 ha ha ha , 8 ha ha ha and 12 ha ha ha .

Glyn Evans

04/05/21
9:28pm

comment on caption:
Scottish Nationalists take a rare day off from waving flags at the border. [Stephen Paterson]

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Stephen Paterson

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