| This Week | Last Week | All Time | |||||||
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| Added | Score | Rank | Added | Score | Rank | Added | Score | Rank | |
| Captions | 22 | 54 | #3 | 26 | 59 | #7 | 5612 | 9884 | #13 |
| Comments | 1 | #6 | 2 | 1 | #8 | 106 | 130 | #28 | |
| Forum Posts | 1 | 5 | |||||||
Vanessa the Guesser
signed up: 3 years, 5 months ago
profile viewed: 132 time(s) this week
caption quota: 52
votes given since joining: 3,802
super vote quota: 77
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captions
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£50 He's in for a shock. There's a conductor on board today. 27/04/19 11:09:49 |
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I feel lucky to have won as I was up against some brilliant high scoring captions this month. Thank you for the votes, supervotes and kind comments! --Vanessa the Guesser
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£50  11/02/19 12:01:55 |
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Thank you for the votes and kind messages, they are much appreciated. Hope you all have a great weekend! --Vanessa the Guesser
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£50  20/09/18 7:05:14 |
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I'm so excited to win! Thanks for the votes and comments. --Vanessa the Guesser
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11/07/19 7:18:11 |
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30/04/19 11:21:58 |
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Sun 13:30:10 |
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20/06/19 19:01:49 |
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Some of us still love a hairy Regina. 04/05/19 19:15:39 |
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24/04/19 19:00:24 |
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27/12/19 20:00:11 |
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You can usually spot penguins by their peculiar gates. 02/02/18 9:11:01 |
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30/12/19 16:56:53 |
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The clitoris fancy dress party was poorly attended as hardly anyone could find it. 21/12/19 13:31:38 |
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28/12/18 12:00:41 |
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When you need to look fetching. 05/10/18 12:36:36 |
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George is really coming out of his shell. 02/07/18 19:00:28 |
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02/02/18 12:30:31 |
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10/04/17 11:30:43 |
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I sent all my kids to boarding school. 25/02/17 12:00:14 |
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Best caption for some time in my 'umble opinionG --Gf j
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It's pointless Richard Osman and Alexander Armstrong trying to hide on holiday. 10/01/17 8:21:51 |
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My first laugh out loud moment of the day. Thanks! :D --Pussy Galore
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09/10/19 7:00:32 |
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21/08/19 7:00:10 |
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17/07/19 7:00:07 |
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"My wife has a matching beaver." 18/03/19 12:10:10 |
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13/10/18 11:00:11 |
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"By the way, I don't share needles." 15/08/18 11:03:27 |
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14/08/18 19:11:45 |
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She won't stay unseeded for long. 01/08/18 19:13:06 |
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We need to be careful. There's a guy over there with one stone. 25/03/17 8:01:59 |
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30/01/17 12:22:18 |
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31/12/16 20:00:29 |
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Now THAT'S a reseeding hairline Wed 20:00:30 |
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05/01/20 20:00:23 |
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"Ok, now you'll just feel a little scratch" 05/11/19 8:11:52 |
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You could end up with a Nazi injury. 06/09/19 7:01:13 |
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15/08/19 19:16:33 |
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My girlfriend's not interested insects. 14/06/19 7:03:09 |
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What about your ant? --stone face
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"Does my butt look big in this?" 01/06/19 19:46:52 |
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"This food's a bit too rich for me." 24/03/19 12:10:12 |
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Don't mock big-breasted women. They need all the support they can get. 19/03/19 20:00:29 |
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You did it! Nice caption. --Greg Curtis
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19/03/19 8:00:06 |
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31/01/19 20:00:13 |
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"There's no way I'm kissing his ring." 12/01/19 20:31:12 |
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"There's a faulty gene in my family. Most of the women are carriers." 15/10/18 7:01:59 |
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22/09/18 7:00:10 |
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24/08/18 7:00:28 |
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24/07/18 19:04:41 |
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Recently re-named in honour of the late call girl Jenny Taylor. --Karyn Harrison
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22/06/18 11:57:38 |
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I'd avoid these like the plague. 11/11/17 8:02:58 |
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I've tried, but he's more interested in the birds than the bees. 21/08/17 11:03:53 |
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Thank goodness it's not a Picasso. 21/02/17 14:03:54 |
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my caption to your caption....:) --avijit kelkar
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15/11/16 20:00:41 |
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The bark was worse than their bite 01/10/16 11:00:52 |
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"Stop complaining and put it in your trap." 24/11/19 9:23:14 |
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05/10/19 13:14:26 |
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10/08/19 11:01:02 |
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31/05/19 11:21:04 |
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"It covers up my unsightly mole." 18/03/19 12:03:18 |
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03/03/19 20:00:13 |
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24/12/18 8:00:06 |
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I totally agree Mr Dome. Now, which spirit is your preference? Gin, isn't it? ;) --Pussy Galore
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Now there's a man who can conduct himself 05/06/18 19:00:52 |
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03/03/18 20:00:15 |
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06/12/17 8:24:25 |
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Next up, The New Sikhers with "I'd like to teach the world to Singh". 13/10/17 8:04:11 |
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Clothes Encounters of the Bird Kind 11/10/19 11:06:57 |
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They even work when it's reigning. 02/10/19 19:03:15 |
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He finally succumbed to organ failure. 15/08/19 20:21:14 |
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04/08/19 7:14:32 |
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07/05/19 19:00:44 |
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"I'm really impressed with your manhood!" 23/04/19 19:16:14 |
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26/02/19 12:12:56 |
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The Post Office launch new envelope sealing service. 27/12/18 12:01:00 |
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Tony Blair's lovingly carved pumpkin of Cherie. 01/11/18 8:04:28 |
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Bit harsh on the pumpkin --Mr Dome
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17/10/18 7:09:43 |
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11/03/18 21:09:00 |
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Had to give this an extra vote, really simple and to the point.Love it. --John Glover
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21/02/18 20:05:34 |
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25/01/18 12:00:09 |
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11/11/17 8:00:35 |
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11/08/17 19:00:11 |
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15/04/17 19:01:31 |
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I really love this one! It fits the photo like a glove!!! --Greg Curtis
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Lollipop Men during the WW2 Blackout. 24/03/17 8:04:44 |
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12/02/17 8:30:37 |
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11/01/17 12:36:00 |
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Very good :) ! --Nathan Davies
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01/01/17 20:37:20 |
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07/12/16 20:00:15 |
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"Personally I'd prefer a donor kebab". 05/11/16 8:03:01 |
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I love Shish and Donna! --Andrea Hickling
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Jane's diet hadn't been going too well, but she was about to turn a corner 06/10/16 11:10:33 |
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One previous owner: Fred Flintstone 02/12/19 8:08:34 |
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Fans of Little Red Riding Hood are relieved that the Wolf is now doing porridge. 15/11/19 8:00:52 |
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04/05/19 11:44:22 |
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Conveniently situated near the tea junction. 05/03/19 9:00:18 |
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He obviously has nothing much to declare. 04/03/19 20:02:09 |
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"Call me old fashioned, but I'd like a bit of dressing on it." 17/02/19 12:22:26 |
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27/01/19 20:00:08 |
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05/11/18 20:06:43 |
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This is the caption, I wish I wrote. --Scrappy Doo
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I bet she'll be getting her oats tonight. 26/09/18 19:00:21 |
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25/09/18 11:02:44 |
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"Oh dear, looks like we've got another jumper." 20/09/18 19:45:50 |
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Hulk Hogan couldn't figure out who had stolen his shopping bags. 13/09/18 11:16:31 |
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"Can Johnny come out to plague?" 25/08/18 19:11:40 |
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Jethro continues to be stalked by a rare albino flamingo. 13/07/18 11:59:24 |
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13/11/17 20:02:14 |
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01/11/17 8:11:36 |
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30/09/17 11:00:11 |
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I agree, it's rectal my essays. 05/07/17 19:02:43 |
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He's not been the same since the split 25/01/17 20:00:29 |
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22/01/17 12:17:23 |
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22/01/17 9:06:32 |
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The Penis Enlargement Clinic is temporarily closed due to a nasty bug. 12/01/17 12:31:12 |
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I'd like to buy the teddy, if it's not two deer. 11/12/16 20:02:11 |
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nice --sandeep chahal
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Proof that cats make shit lifeguards. 07/01/20 20:06:51 |
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Brian suddenly wanted to get off. 01/01/20 20:21:09 |
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Brian got off. Then he exited the bus. --Willie Johnson
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I’m in two minds whether to believe this. 14/11/19 12:01:22 |
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Not the first time a pussy has yearned for a longer tongue. 06/11/19 12:59:06 |
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Little Red Riding Hood accused of inciting hatred. 09/10/19 11:03:44 |
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🎵Hey there Little Red Riding Hood, you sure are looking good,You're everything that a big bad wolf would want.🎵(*By Sam the Sham and the Pharaohs) --Willie Johnson
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"The changing guards at Buckingham Palace" 26/08/19 11:00:13 |
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It's so awkward when someone shows up wearing the same exact outfit. --Scrijjy Doo
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🎵 We had joy, we had fun, we had four seasons in the sun 23/08/19 11:03:35 |
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My horse says this every time I drop by and say "Guess what's for dinner?" 18/07/19 19:05:17 |
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Viagra - now available for electric eels 10/07/19 11:08:38 |
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27/06/19 19:04:43 |
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These photos can be hard to see when they're just thumbnails. 19/03/19 12:01:32 |
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Unfortunately he keeps sniffing other camels' toes. 27/01/19 12:00:46 |
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Buying 10 bottles was probably a little rash. 19/01/19 12:01:13 |
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Where is this place? I'll have to goggle it. 09/01/19 20:07:28 |
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I prefer holidaying in Whales. 15/12/18 12:16:23 |
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The Proclaimers announce their long lost brother is growing on them. 12/09/18 19:11:38 |
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27/06/18 19:40:58 |
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Wait till she sees Nelson's Column. 15/05/18 11:25:40 |
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27/03/18 19:56:41 |
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"I'm afraid we can't accept this passport photograph. There are other people in the background." 05/02/18 20:22:22 |
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04/02/18 20:03:32 |
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03/02/18 20:04:49 |
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"Someone's stealing the cup!" 10/01/18 20:06:03 |
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09/01/18 20:01:44 |
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These must be in the running for a mermaid's most useless Christmas present. 20/11/17 12:04:44 |
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Friends with Disability Benefits 26/10/17 19:17:22 |
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She just needs a nice pair of loafers. 12/08/17 11:03:04 |
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10/08/17 19:00:09 |
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She was hiding two more scary ghoulies. 08/06/17 19:00:30 |
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07/06/17 12:02:00 |
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That's just dandy. --John Glover
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The boys played at Humpty's residence in the summer before he came back for the fall. 20/05/17 19:30:07 |
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Sometimes cox size does matter. 05/04/17 19:00:52 |
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🎵 I wish it could be Xmas every day 🎶 14/03/17 8:02:17 |
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He was soon singing like a canary. 05/02/17 8:05:54 |
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Apologies Vanessa. It was a knee jerk reaction as the same caption sprang to my mind prior to seeing your entry.I withdraw any criticism & will try to be more sensitive in future. --Polymorph .
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28/01/17 20:00:56 |
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06/11/16 20:01:00 |
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30/09/16 7:03:08 |
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16/11/19 9:16:34 |
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"I've crèched it twice already." 13/11/19 8:05:09 |
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"Sorry love, but I'm a bit of a fairy." 03/11/19 8:09:04 |
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These Spot the Ball competitions are getting easier. 08/10/19 11:07:48 |
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When you see your boss swim past but you've called in sick.. 25/08/19 7:32:52 |
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"I think it's about time we made tracks." 04/08/19 19:39:32 |
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Poor woman. She's going through the change. 07/07/19 19:04:48 |
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"Sorry mate, but I've just heard the future's Orange." 25/06/19 7:09:45 |
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21/06/19 7:01:11 |
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25/05/19 11:00:47 |
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Nigel decided there and then to pursue a career in Health & Safety. 22/05/19 7:28:28 |
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18/02/19 8:02:18 |
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♪ ... jumpsuit, cover me ♪ That's going to be stuck in my head now. --James Lennox
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13/02/19 20:00:14 |
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31/01/19 20:26:29 |
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My cat spends all day watching Neighbours. 14/01/19 12:13:27 |
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Warren hates Christmas. As the Snowman just found out. 06/12/18 12:02:38 |
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10/11/18 20:09:09 |
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It's 2018 and Little Miss Muffet has grown a pair. 01/11/18 12:01:17 |
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She decided to tuffet out. --Pussy Galore
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♫ There's a Pole in my bucket.. ♫ 30/09/18 11:54:20 |
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"Mum, will you leave the landing light on tonight?" 06/09/18 20:26:43 |
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"I'll give you a wring tomorrow." 04/08/18 7:34:26 |
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Close Encounters of the Furred Kind 03/07/18 11:02:54 |
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Honey? Yep, it shrunk the kids. 09/05/18 19:40:42 |
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Investigations continue after Humpty files an application with Claims Direct. 31/03/18 7:47:21 |
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17/03/18 8:17:37 |
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Ooh, I just love a bit of that Car Door ice cream 09/02/18 9:04:38 |
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James tried to cheer up his running partner. His wife had left him a Dijon letter. 25/01/18 8:30:37 |
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24/01/18 12:06:22 |
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Every year without fail Colin made a dick of himself 18/12/17 13:41:13 |
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21/11/17 8:03:31 |
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28/10/17 11:06:43 |
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25/09/17 7:07:41 |
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Ben was on the lookout for Aldi single ladies, Aldi single ladies 07/09/17 19:25:41 |
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09/05/17 19:01:51 |
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Looks like the work of Salvador Dahlia 09/05/17 19:01:43 |
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19/04/17 11:22:24 |
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Warwick Davis was opening a can of beans for his lunch. 17/03/17 13:34:04 |
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22/02/17 20:01:39 |
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Derek wondered if he had time for a Kwik Sh*t before starting work 18/01/17 8:13:55 |
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If he does, watch where you 'tread'. --Dan Nicholls
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11/01/17 20:01:52 |
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"Do you want any sprinkles down there, Warwick?" 06/01/17 12:20:05 |
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Hahahahaha --Mr Dome
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07/11/16 20:02:07 |
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14/09/16 19:02:12 |
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"Sorry sir, beggars can't be choosers." 08/01/20 20:53:02 |
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There are times when you'd be better off reading The Sun. 23/12/19 8:26:07 |
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Something to wipe your arse on. --Dave Bryan
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"I can see aliens coming this way.. and they're bringing blankets..?" 19/10/19 8:01:38 |
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08/10/19 7:14:24 |
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28/09/19 19:01:24 |
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"So, how many weeks since you got laid?" 03/09/19 19:01:26 |
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Some people can't be trusted with crayons at any age. 16/07/19 7:04:07 |
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"I didn't bring the cliff hangers" 24/06/19 19:05:37 |
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I thought the speed limit would be 64? No pun nintended. 17/06/19 7:26:20 |
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You didn't Nintendo make a pun? --Willie Johnson
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27/02/19 12:00:06 |
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more captions
That's an egg-citing but ultimately fruitless plan to hatch.
8:50pm
comment on caption:
Man breaks into chicken run in the hope of getting laid. [Vanessa the Guesser]
Rubber? But I don't even know her.
9:38am
comment on caption:
"You'll have to use a rubber." [Vanessa the Guesser]
''You always forget the Frosties, mum.''
8:35am
comment on caption:
Shopping List
Glacier Mints
Snowballs
Flakes
Iced Gems [Vanessa the Guesser]
Sliders
9:11am
comment on caption:
Shopping List
Glacier Mints
Snowballs
Flakes
Iced Gems [Vanessa the Guesser]
Eskimo Pies (maybe just an NZ thing?)
9:15am
comment on caption:
Shopping List
Glacier Mints
Snowballs
Flakes
Iced Gems [Vanessa the Guesser]
Chilli powder
9:43am
comment on caption:
Shopping List
Glacier Mints
Snowballs
Flakes
Iced Gems [Vanessa the Guesser]
Or Dawns of the Dead?
8:29pm
comment on caption:
Dawns of the Dead [Vanessa the Guesser]
Thanks anon, I will try that.
8:39pm
comment on caption:
Dawns of the Dead [Vanessa the Guesser]
Not a frock of seagulls then
10:37am
comment on caption:
"Don't worry dear, it's only a couple of seagulls" [Vanessa the Guesser]
It looks more like a Stella McCainey
10:38am
comment on caption:
Stella McCartney designs the perfect dress to go with her mother's sausages. [Vanessa the Guesser]