clever x2

"Oi Noah, wait for us."

08/10/18 8:08:02

lol x2 creative

"Do you remember, a little boy wrote to you 18 years ago asking for a bike and a truck? That was me motherf*cker".

22/09/15 20:06:38

lol

"Hello is that customer complaints? I need to return some goods...well, I ordered a leotard".

06/08/15 8:01:16

clever

It's a sign of desperation

06/06/18 8:09:42

Can't come out tonight I'm washing my hare.

26/07/15 8:00:23

lol x2

"PULL"

04/09/21 12:01:48

lol x3

I wouldn't put my arson that.

16/07/19 12:04:15

creative clever x2

Stig of the dump.

08/12/18 8:59:38

Two meeters

24/09/20 21:51:37

Dave had been isolating from his parents for 3 months. Now he is off home with all his washing...

01/06/20 12:14:32

lol

Gillette, the best a ma'am can get.

04/05/19 22:07:05

clever

Today's stars: Capricorn will be faced with an uphill struggle.

17/01/17 8:08:09

That's the thing about the festive season, it does dragon a bit.

14/01/17 20:03:37

lol

He taught me grammar. There should be a question mark at the end of this sentence. After all, the devil is in the detail.

19/02/16 8:00:07

creative clever

Meanwhile, Ironman is inside getting rid of creases in the curtains.

25/09/15 8:39:03

Babe Roof.

13/09/21 12:35:15

lol creative

Don't worry Don, we'll Photoshop the PlayStation controller out.

02/11/19 14:04:28

Arse about face

30/01/19 12:02:09

lol

For God's sake Dad, just light the barbecue.

28/01/19 8:13:49

lol

Warning: May contain nuts.

06/08/18 14:04:19

creative clever x2

As protest tshirts go, one asking for the abolition of the French word for 'No' is pretty random.

30/08/17 12:01:09

Love storey.

26/01/16 8:00:54

lol clever x3

Neighbourhood watch crew catches lead thieves red handed.

04/08/15 12:00:05

lol

Leaked photos of Jerry Hall and Rupert Murdoch on honeymoon.

30/10/19 20:00:36

lol clever

FENTON! FENTOOOOOOON!

14/04/19 8:17:42

lol

Kicked you out for snoring too has she?

26/11/18 12:35:21

Fifty shades of grave.

07/11/18 20:42:22

Kenny Everest

04/11/18 8:06:41

creative

Casper the overfriendly ghost.

15/08/18 9:26:51

creative clever x2

The crafty tortoise had outfoxed the hare again.

14/06/18 12:15:54

£50
WINNER

lol x2

03/02/17 8:01:14

lol

"Mrs Thompson, it's Joanne next door. We need to talk about Henry. I just don't feel able to sunbathe in my own garden any more..."

26/06/15 12:06:01

lol

"Yes sir, aisle three by the squid rings".

15/07/21 12:23:12

That 'No More Tears' shampoo is rubbish.

27/03/20 12:04:42

Police have identified a suspect who may have carried out the ram raid on a grab machine at the seaside arcade this weekend.

23/07/18 8:59:32

lol x2

"I f*cking well WILL have a tiger", thought little Timmy.

25/05/16 9:06:32

lol

Dog Cotton

29/02/16 12:01:02

lol

We went foraging, ate our haul, then the next thing we knew, we were naked in ASDA singing 'Happy Birthday' to a packet of macaroni.

20/02/16 8:39:08

clever

Night school

17/01/16 21:14:44

lol

After you hit 60, it's difficult to guide it in.

10/06/20 12:00:33

A great place to take the family out.

07/05/20 20:00:11

clever

No ewe turns

24/07/19 8:22:32

An officer on a gentleman

21/05/19 9:25:57

Cheap, good head and goes down easy.

03/12/18 9:36:29

Placque removal

17/09/18 20:00:18

lol x2

There, that will teach you. Now don't put it in the pencil sharpener again.

03/07/18 21:23:25

Guitar for sail.

11/02/18 21:58:17

Mmmmm, nothing better than nice, crisp sheets.

01/03/16 8:06:17

Now THAT'S a Panic Room.

10/02/16 9:44:52

Short circuit

02/10/15 8:00:04

Graffiti - wrong on so many levels.

16/09/15 12:04:14

lol

Shane was having difficulty coming out to his team mates, despite the numerous heavy hints he dropped.

10/09/15 8:02:43

lol creative

I don't know who you are. I don't know what you want. If you are looking for mice, I can tell you I don't have any. But what I do have are a very particular set of skills, skills I have acquired over a very long career. Skills that make me a nightmare for people like you. If you let me go now, that'll be the end of it. I will not look for you, I will not pursue you. But if you don't, I will look for you, I will find you, and I will shit in your slippers.

04/08/15 8:00:07

creative

Telegiraffe pole.

23/06/15 8:02:24

lol

Kevin, please for the love of God change your trousers.

21/07/21 12:04:01

"No ma'am, you hang the medal round the neck".

22/05/21 8:04:04

Always said she was a hoe.

07/01/21 14:49:38

Good morning welcome to McDonald's, have you been waiting long?

16/07/20 8:33:19

Scooby Doo and the mysterious disappearing Scooby Snacks.

28/01/20 12:03:48

The dress caused quite a stir.

08/01/20 8:07:16

Proving once again that The Sun is truly gutter press.

31/12/19 8:48:58

lol

Bloody Welsh place names.

04/10/19 12:02:31

Trump appeals for floating voters

03/10/19 20:03:09

Man, overjoyed.
Fish, gutted.

11/02/19 8:14:17

...and next on our special music tour, the studios where 'The Clash' recorded 'Should I stay or should I go?'

14/01/19 8:02:59

Bad hare day

06/12/18 12:26:21

"...then you just look through the view finder...am I boring you Mary?"

15/11/18 8:12:45

"Just how many milkshakes do I gotta drink before I bring boys to the yard?"

19/09/18 20:50:55

"Kids, follow me... Kids?"

23/08/18 20:06:34

"Who's got the ring?"

26/07/18 8:03:27

creative

Tonight on Dyslexic News, The Beast from the Seat.

03/03/18 8:01:05

He couldn't decide whether or not to dump his overbearing girlfriend. He just needed a sign...

27/11/17 14:00:28

"Nah dude, not tall, I said I would get you high".

15/08/17 8:01:25

Willy Elliott

27/07/17 12:03:47

lol

Timmy Mallett 'fondly remembering' Michaela Strachan. He has a whack a day...

29/12/16 20:05:06

lol x2

Ahhh, look at the puppy longing for the ball. He will go on longing, for Murray suffers from DOG PARALYSIS. Just £2 a month will enable us to give Murray a swift kick up the rear so he can get up. Pick up the phone and give this dog a bone.

06/10/16 8:06:13

creative

"Thank you for coming in today Mr Wilson. We need to talk about your son's attitude in class."

01/09/16 20:47:54

Michael Caine-ine

28/07/16 12:00:20

The Chair Witch Project.

15/06/16 14:37:18

creative

It's an awfully big wrench, but I am going to have to leave you gentlemen.

15/02/16 9:08:57

Creche landing

28/09/15 20:32:29

clever

Beaglejuice

07/10/21 8:35:34

Everyone wanted to say something about Martin's background during the group call, but no one was brave enough to address the elephant in the Zoom.

31/12/20 8:47:17

"...and that's why my pants were round my ankles officer.'

08/06/20 8:03:26

Life for Dave was hard. The only known squirrel in Britain with a nut allergy.

31/05/20 12:04:50

lol

Tonight on 'Who Do You Think You Are?', Chris Evans discovers that his ancient relative was just as annoying.

05/04/20 8:34:17

I know a Charmin little restaurant...

04/04/20 8:00:40

Blue cross sale on 'til Easter, when prices will rise again.

22/02/20 8:52:28

Heavy petting zoo

09/09/19 20:05:54

Guns don't kill people, raffles do.

28/06/19 9:31:11

lol creative

I call this series: Pubes I found in the bath.

15/06/19 20:43:19

clever

Donkey Oak-tree

18/02/19 12:07:44

Julius Sneezer

12/02/19 8:17:51

Ironically, she was caught shoplifting in Boots.

05/10/18 8:01:30

clever

"Ooh you smell like porridge!"
"That's why they call me Donkey Oaty."

17/08/18 8:18:08

Aisle 16: cigarettes.

06/08/18 20:16:00

lol

"Hello is that 'Angel Escorts'? I want to speak to someone about my 4pm booking. I specifically ordered whores in police uniform with zip access box".

18/07/18 10:43:18

Lisa suddenly realised that she had left her bobble hat boiling on the stove.

16/03/18 8:01:25

There's some fin in my eye.

28/02/18 12:30:12

lol

Ello ello ello, what's bin going on 'ere then?

13/02/18 9:11:10