lol creative

"Boris, there's some policemen at the front door?"

23/06/19 19:16:43

creative x2

"So Mr Smith, are these all the hallucinogenics you have taken, and how are you feeling now?"

18/02/13 12:15:46

"Come on out you bastards, I'm supposed to be getting married in half an hour!"

06/07/12 10:11:12

They made me take my silverback.

27/01/15 12:02:16

lol creative clever

"Shit, I've left all my groceries at the school gate."

01/03/18 12:46:32

lol x2 clever

"Why can't we be smuggled into Britain just like the others, in the back of a truck?"

28/07/15 20:46:14

clever x3

"Yes, I am an architect, but I compile crossword puzzles on the side."

06/02/17 12:18:16

lol x2

"Shit, so what did we have put down?"

25/01/16 21:58:26

creative

The tourin' shroud.

26/03/14 12:58:08

creative

"I've just come to warn you that Abbot Twa is not a monk whose coming to bless you all."

20/08/19 11:13:45

lol creative

♫ A neigh in the manger ...

27/09/18 19:19:40

lol x3

"You offer three camels to sleep with me, not only is that insulting, I don't even bloody smoke."

22/11/17 11:15:26

lol creative clever

Brick Leia.

27/02/15 12:55:11

Imad did some taxi driving on the side.

23/08/11 10:10:34

"The boss said this job had to be FLAWLESS you idiots."

09/09/18 13:04:59

lol creative

Will Magda and Guri escape? watch next weeks exciting trailer!

12/03/13 12:15:43

lol x2

"Wow, what a massive fanny, fannyy fannnyyyy fannyyyyy."
"No need to go on about it Clive."
"I'm not, that's just the echo."

09/02/13 11:10:38

"Mum! Brian's up to sumping again."

24/01/13 12:18:25

clever

"Watch out lads, they've just installed an electric fence."

26/08/20 13:08:07

"You bought them cheap from a mate of yours at the cricket club, what's that awful musty smell?"

24/05/20 11:22:07

Passing the buck.

12/05/19 19:45:04

£50
WINNER

clever

Hover Kraft.

07/01/18 10:11:24

"The fat, ugly overweight bitch wouldn't get up. So I had to take the dog for a walk myself."

25/08/15 11:18:17

lol

"I've got the drugs guv, as you thought, they were up his arse."

16/06/15 19:42:27

clever x2

Will their husbands cheat again? I think the answer is a four gun conclusion.

02/06/20 19:31:35

lol

A serious hold up at the abattoir gave them all time to reflect.

10/12/19 20:26:57

Right from the start Daniel was destined to be a barman.

11/06/19 11:32:06

Well, they aren't going to win a no bell prize.

15/02/19 12:10:26

Imad often did some taxi driving on the side.

13/09/18 19:32:25

Joe promised to wear them, but suddenly got cold feet.

18/11/17 20:06:18

lol

"Oh,Sir, are you going to buy that sex magazine, or what?"

27/06/16 11:09:41

Glow ball warming.

11/03/15 12:56:46

lol creative

Dear Frank, thanks for lending me your flat whilst you were away. The Feng Shui course went really well and I took the liberty of getting rid of a few of your things. Unfortunately I left my medication at home and had a severe bipolar episode, and it seems that I must have found your perminant colour set of magic markers. It is at this point I have to mention your beautifly polished white italian marble flooring .....

27/02/15 20:59:13

Slow motion photography.

26/02/15 12:13:24

"I should have chained it up, but I dread locks."

17/09/14 20:12:43

Jim thought about challenging the troops, but was just too wimpy.

24/06/14 12:03:41

lol

Bloody Orange, still can't get a signal.

30/03/14 19:43:50

A four gone conclusion.

23/03/13 12:44:59

"Another fine mesh you've got yourself into."

13/11/12 20:43:34

"I'd prefer a Harp if you've got one."

12/05/12 10:50:44

"Have you repaired that sign yet?"
"Don't worry, I'm on it."

21/02/20 21:55:47

creative x2

"I've got someone coming through called Bruce, does that mean anything to anyone here?"

07/05/18 11:06:34

A call to arms.

04/01/18 13:08:20

Son shade.

21/12/17 13:08:36

clever

Wise crack.

24/05/17 11:01:03

clever

"Couldn't they drown?"
"When the tide races in, I think it will be a four gone conclusion."

05/02/16 11:00:43

Tony's business wasn't doing well and went into voluntary liquidation.

19/09/15 20:10:11

"Yes officer, that's the man who was flashing in the park, except he was wearing a big mac."

13/01/15 20:24:57

No point in trying to butter him up, he prefers Marge.

21/06/14 19:28:58

After her massive Lottery win, gran had a message for all her relatives who suddenly decided to visit her after years of absence."

01/06/14 11:12:00

Lucy wouldn't use a note pad, she prefered her face book.

25/05/14 11:33:06

"I've just told the boys at the rugby club that we're gay."

20/05/13 19:23:47

Having been recently knighted for his successful business franchises, Roland became better known as Lard of the Rings.

29/03/13 12:29:03

"Pasta la vista baby!"

28/07/12 11:58:46

"Remember, don't speak at the border crossing Dad, just smile and do as I do."

27/07/12 10:47:40

lol x2

"Is mum still fast asleep? well open her bedroom door very quietly for me, would you please?"

23/09/14 11:29:40

lol creative

"Ok, so it's a funeral and not mud wrestling, just smile, keep bowing and walk slowly backwards and hopefully no one will notice."

10/02/14 12:21:07

creative x3

" Are you sitting comfortably? well I'll begin, "Once upon a time, a long, long while ago in a far off land, there lived a little girl called Beatrix Potter.."

07/04/13 12:08:16

Chinese philosophy whilst waiting for new hardware store to open. "Just be and queue."

24/02/13 12:08:39

Multiplication tables.

21/09/12 11:10:50

"Grandad, that's the last time I'm patching her up, remember, take your sodding teeth out first."

13/07/12 19:09:52

Kama Kasis

09/07/12 19:18:06

As Simon coldly watched Daphne plunge over the cliff to certain death, he suddenly realised the seriousness of his situation. she had the cigarette lighter.

07/05/12 19:48:19

John thought passing along the side of the car was the best option, whilst the rest of his team mates went over the top.

16/03/12 20:28:14

£50
WINNER

"Hello madam, sorry to interrupt your sleep, but I'm from the Jehovah's witnesses."

07/02/12 14:53:25

"I told you not to call the security guard a useless fat git."

25/11/19 20:05:50

creative

The local Day Nursery 'Get your child home by drone' service was rapidly catching on.

07/05/19 19:39:23

lol

" We are running out of time, underlay underlay Miguel!"

28/03/19 20:16:08

The doctor asked Kevin for a mid stream sample.

09/08/18 12:20:03

creative x2 clever

Tandem parachute jumps do not always end up as planned.

30/01/18 12:03:49

creative

"Wow, look at the size of its asshole, we can make a fortune from that fish canning company."

28/07/17 11:19:21

siloettes

12/03/15 20:27:00

lol x2

"Is he, isn't he."
"What?"
"Looks like Stu Dent is about to vote."

27/07/19 19:41:16

"That's to the bastard who stole my drum kit."

29/06/19 11:27:21

"Now you see me, now you don't, now you see me ..

09/04/19 19:55:39

We bought it at a knockdown price,

17/08/18 22:05:38

"What do you mean, you want to cross the road. Why?"

05/05/18 12:08:10

clever

The Kraken is innocent!

16/02/18 13:10:18

Pancho led a very sheltered life.

22/08/16 19:35:28

"Dad, looked what I've just swapped for your I phone."

19/04/16 20:04:54

lol

"Come on lads, if the ten of us stick close together there's no chance of anyone being suddenly kidnapped along the dodgey coastal road stage."

04/03/16 20:22:44

clever

Ali cat.

02/03/16 10:35:56

clever

"Cuddles is innocent!"

02/02/16 20:09:20

"Sorry son, but I've got no idea why Mrs Cohen wouldn't let you in to Samuel's birthday party."

13/01/16 14:01:22

"Ha ha, The advertising agency got that wrong, it should be Cow and Gate."

19/07/15 20:16:02

creative

Well, if this doesn't get rid of his verrucas, nothing will.

07/03/15 20:56:02

"I don't know the sodding password, just let me get to that bloody tree before I burst."

21/10/14 19:24:14

lol

Airy biker

18/10/14 11:06:59

"My wife charges £10 for sex, then puts it away for our holiday, a month in Barbados at the end of the year."
"Yeh, my wife does the same. We're off to Butlins for a week in 2017."

07/10/14 19:34:38

creative

Speaking in a whisper. "Now that's a rare site, dung beetles don't often play with their food."

05/04/14 10:30:23

Emptying the skip.

25/03/14 13:01:45

"Looks like she hopped onto the ferry."

06/03/14 20:05:13

"You missed her with the discus, now try the javelin."

29/11/13 20:32:41

"Now lads, the four of us will be quite safe, if we all keep a sharp eye out for that crafty bastard of a fox."

27/10/13 20:46:02

After hearing the screams, like the rest of them, Len looked through the fence only to see an attractive young couple, oblivious to the world, heavily engaged in sex. Not one to waste a business opportunity, Len picked everyones pockets and casually ambled away.

26/11/12 20:55:40

Nigel was determined to win the "Light your own fart" competition.

04/07/12 10:15:38

Gary was not allowed to compete in the Walker Cup.

21/04/12 10:29:28

"Picture over Leroy, now get back under the bonnet and do the talking stuff."

19/01/12 20:10:49

Samslung tv.

16/09/11 10:19:19

"No sweetheart, I really don't think that's a good place to put your dummy."

03/08/14 11:16:10

Watching the world cup final had left a lasting impression on this Argentinian fan.

19/07/14 19:23:11

Rick wasn't really a portrait artist, he was just going through the motions.

05/04/14 10:06:15

Boots have got branches everywhere.

24/03/14 20:06:57

creative

Is it safe to take your dog on a bike? well, thats a matter of a pillion.

05/12/13 12:19:09

lol

"Fuck, that handle was hot!"

02/11/13 20:49:47

Word had got out that a stranger was in town trading magic beans.

20/10/13 10:00:53

As a father, Newton had his favourites. Gita got a new camera, Dillip a poke in the eye and Raja a packet of crisps.

27/05/13 11:04:08

lol

"You'd have thought someone would have bought me a bloody lighter for my birthday, wouldn't you?"

11/01/13 20:35:35

Rust in peace.

16/11/12 20:08:36

Someone told him it was 'hard core', yet there was nothing on the other side of the wall but rubble, dust and broken bricks.

14/09/12 19:31:57

"Sorry mate, due to cut backs, the governer has decided to combine your last meal with your execution."

27/06/12 19:41:35

There is always an awful lot of bull shit to clear up after any party conference.

07/04/12 10:44:18

Male on sun day.

29/03/12 10:12:37

Donald wasn't a voyeur, it was all proper gander.

20/03/12 20:25:02

Paint stripper.

08/01/12 13:49:48

Little yellow riding hood.

02/09/11 10:10:24

Bridget over troubled waters.

02/05/20 20:44:13

"Evidently he's wearing a wide brimmed feathered hat, leather jerkin, knee high leather boots and carries a sword. Shouldn't be difficult to find."

16/09/19 12:22:13

lol

" ..... and here's the video of Super Vet performing a simple neuter."

28/08/19 12:01:07

creative x2

The smear on the hippopotamus is equal to the smears on the other two sides.

04/07/19 16:00:59

"Are you skipping school as well?"

09/06/19 11:57:55

"But I ordered beef wellington?"

31/12/18 20:50:29

clever

Green party.

27/06/18 11:32:16

Drives alright but the visibility is rubbish.

08/12/17 12:01:42

lol

"Bloody dog passport, why aren't I allowed to smile?"

23/11/17 12:13:49

whopper goldburg.

10/04/17 19:21:54

X communication.

09/10/16 11:44:52

"Thanks son, now get back into your cupboard."

24/05/16 10:28:51

"Phew, that's the last time I volunteer to cut the cemetery grass."

12/03/16 13:09:51

Chicken a la cart.

03/03/16 11:33:09

Note pad.

24/07/15 20:21:05

Cath always cared for her elders.

10/11/14 11:16:20

"Oh leave it son, I can easily get you another wing mirror."

11/10/20 13:22:52

Be careful, there's a flying saucer around here somewhere.

29/06/20 11:28:49

"Bloody dogshit."

10/05/20 13:02:41

lol

"I put the baby hindi hammock and then let urdu all the work."

30/06/19 11:53:38

"Do you think daddy will come back?"
"Probably not."
"Why?"
"He can't swim."

03/02/19 12:17:50

lol

"Oh Jesus, I forgot the loaves and fishes."

25/12/18 12:17:54

"I've never played spin the snake before?"

02/03/18 20:39:39

lol

"No one, but no one pinches my arse, someone phone for an ambulance and go tell Doug the store manager they need another santa for the grotto, pronto."

28/11/17 13:08:51

lol

Black Forest gateaux in the autumn.

15/06/17 9:52:54

clever

"Well, that's the last time I keep my winter stash in a coal celler."

23/01/17 21:32:34

lol

Every so often the love balls would hit the spot, bringing Miriam to a sudden standstill, transcending her into a trance of unspoken guiltless ecstasy. Leaving poor Samantha alone to experience many moments of jealousness and envy.

31/12/16 21:01:02

lol

"What do you mean, you didn't see the christmas tree, It was set up in the middle of the bloody roundabout."

22/12/16 12:40:12

Penny moved in strange circles

22/09/16 16:35:43

"It took me nearly three months to collect and nurture all of those fire flies. So what ever you do George don't open the bottle..GEORGE...GEORGE..."

14/09/16 10:35:49

Scrapbook.

25/02/16 12:58:25

clever

Bob cat.

14/02/16 12:17:10

"Right, dump him there before he sobers up. This is definitely the best stag night I've ever been on."

29/01/16 12:43:59

Shirley's team won on points.

13/11/15 20:10:23

"Yes, I've made bloody sure you haven't left the gas on this time."

29/10/15 12:10:52

Proof that Jeremy Corbyn can be manipulated.

04/10/15 11:22:11

It's good to see the business is in creasing.

22/09/15 11:05:07

"There you are Miss West, even your birthday cake is pleased to see you."

27/07/15 20:38:32

Being blind didn't stop Karen from going to car boot sales and she knew she had picked up a bargain with this stuffed ten foot python.

10/06/15 11:27:39

lol

"You were right sis, he's not jewish."

15/05/15 20:36:31

The shape of things to come.

02/05/15 19:53:22

"Hope he likes plane chocolate."

10/04/15 11:43:25

Donald ducked ...

12/02/15 12:06:43

Top Gear prepare for a return trip to Argentina.

06/02/15 20:58:05

lol

"Oh bugger, in which of those fields did I bury that bone."

10/01/15 20:32:25

Playtime at the nursery had been suspended.

20/08/14 11:14:18

Snailextrics.

19/08/14 9:28:13

creative

Reporter: "So how long has this strange red hover hat been following you around?"

18/06/14 19:33:13

Ann Summers has branches everywhere.

10/05/14 11:18:33

"That's never going to satisfy me, it's my newt."

01/05/14 11:05:27

" I was just standing there admiring the evening view, when this massive rock just fell on my head. "

20/04/14 9:58:52

creative

Past your eyes milk.

07/04/14 11:08:16

Fournication

16/03/14 20:33:14

Trudy was determined to let everyone know how difficult it was to find and purchase green knickers.

28/02/14 20:16:40

Rebekah Brooks tries to get rid of phone tapping evidence following a tip off of an imminent police raid.

09/02/14 11:30:13

William always enjoyed his bath Times.

19/01/14 20:21:27

"Zeb, that's the last time I get a splinter out for you. You have got to do something about your obsession with knot holes."

20/05/13 11:26:40

He looked back bewildered, "I didn't think I'd pissed them off enough for them to find me and burn my place down."
"People do funny things Mr Bansal." said the fireman ushering Dev away from his now crumbling and sodden home.

02/04/13 19:28:12

Can all lonely.

13/03/13 12:11:46

Before intercourse could take place, Helga and Royston would sing praises to the elephant diety and work themselves up into a frenzy of joy and passion. Royston would beat his block and quivering with excitement lead them to the bedroom. Here Helga would start to seductively undress and Royston would prematurely ejeculate and collapse on the floor. Helga usually had a headache by this time and would retire alone.

27/12/12 21:18:42

"If I catch one and kill it I'm cruel, if I don't bring any home for supper, I'm called useless, what do I do son?"

"Catch twenty two dad."

20/12/12 22:14:01

"Hi, I'm from the Jehovah's Witnesses."

24/11/12 20:35:01

"Hey, Mr bloody bridegroom! remember these do you?"

29/07/12 19:07:52

Beat about the bush.

15/06/12 10:14:15

Being a Basset, Bertie had to put up with Allsorts.

04/02/12 12:10:08

Spread-eagled.

30/01/12 11:15:56

Onions, garlic and a touch of Rosemary. Delicious.

13/01/12 13:06:07

This is what happens when you buy your clothes from "Gap".

28/08/11 11:16:49

"Make sure my mobility scooter is not in the picture Sid."

Sun 21:03:21

"Now listen old fella, when I toss the parcels out of the van, will you please stop bringing them back."

11/05/20 14:30:40

lol

Full dress whites, the commanding officer's speech is far too long, and you realise last nights vindaloo is having an adverse effect.

26/11/19 12:19:18

"Two sugars please." Colin would often invite himself onto a strangers boat.

13/08/19 11:20:57

"My hair is so long, I have to treat and wash it one step at a time."

09/07/19 19:34:01

"I keep it hidden in the shed, bring it out from time to time and rearrange it, and when your dad comes home from work, he tuts "Not again dear." and buys us all an indian take away."

20/06/19 19:32:18

"Sargeant Wilcox. Stop trying to drown that bloody spider and find the bomb."

03/03/19 10:39:25

♫ You picked a fine time to leave me loose seal ...

23/02/19 12:07:15

"We were caught playing football in the monastery, now we've been suspended."

19/02/19 20:28:09

Microchips.

22/10/18 11:22:50

Pan cake.

29/08/18 19:27:57

"sorry. Bloody cheap waterbed." sighed Tom.

05/07/18 19:27:40

Tonsil: "Light us."

22/06/18 10:52:47

"I might be an ugly sod, but I can still attract the birds."

01/02/18 20:37:58

"Dave, have you got your hearing aid in? I asked you how you felt about about the election."

18/12/17 13:18:53

"Got to give it to that rabbit, he was bloody clever."

30/11/17 20:11:53