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John Glover

signed up: 9 years, 1 month ago
profile viewed: 26 time(s) this week
caption quota: 39
votes given since joining: 9,269
super vote quota: 8

profile photos send private message captions comments received

Sad old git who can't seem to keep away from this web site.

Location: Cheltenham

To send a private message to John please log in

captions

"Boris, there's some policemen at the front door?"

23/06/19 19:16:43

"So Mr Smith, are these all the hallucinogenics you have taken, and how are you feeling now?"

18/02/13 12:15:46

This is cracking :-) --Chris Beach

"Come on out you bastards, I'm supposed to be getting married in half an hour!"

06/07/12 10:11:12

They made me take my silverback.

27/01/15 12:02:16

"Shit, I've left all my groceries at the school gate."

01/03/18 12:46:32

"Why can't we be smuggled into Britain just like the others, in the back of a truck?"

28/07/15 20:46:14

"Yes, I am an architect, but I compile crossword puzzles on the side."

06/02/17 12:18:16

"Shit, so what did we have put down?"

25/01/16 21:58:26

The tourin' shroud.

26/03/14 12:58:08

"I've just come to warn you that Abbot Twa is not a monk whose coming to bless you all."

20/08/19 11:13:45

♫ A neigh in the manger ...

27/09/18 19:19:40

"You offer three camels to sleep with me, not only is that insulting, I don't even bloody smoke."

22/11/17 11:15:26

And an animal used to barter with (allegedly) in the middle east etc. Just thought i’d explain in case Anon didn’t know that --Mr Dome

27/02/15 12:55:11

Imad did some taxi driving on the side.

23/08/11 10:10:34

I wouldn't tip him. --Guido van der Velden

"The boss said this job had to be FLAWLESS you idiots."

09/09/18 13:04:59

Will Magda and Guri escape? watch next weeks exciting trailer!

12/03/13 12:15:43

"Wow, what a massive fanny, fannyy fannnyyyy fannyyyyy."
"No need to go on about it Clive."
"I'm not, that's just the echo."

09/02/13 11:10:38

I forgot I had super votes! --Dan Dan

"Mum! Brian's up to sumping again."

24/01/13 12:18:25

Passing the buck.

12/05/19 19:45:04

£50
WINNER

07/01/18 10:11:24

Thank you all for your kind remarks. I was just applying our craft.A huge thank you to Chris for keeping this site going. --John Glover

"The fat, ugly overweight bitch wouldn't get up. So I had to take the dog for a walk myself."

25/08/15 11:18:17

Good story. --Greg Curtis

"I've got the drugs guv, as you thought, they were up his arse."

16/06/15 19:42:27

Right from the start Daniel was destined to be a barman.

11/06/19 11:32:06

Well, they aren't going to win a no bell prize.

15/02/19 12:10:26

Imad often did some taxi driving on the side.

13/09/18 19:32:25

This caption was used for a similar photo in 2011 -- but by the same captioneer - so fair play! Great caption! --Chris Beach

Joe promised to wear them, but suddenly got cold feet.

18/11/17 20:06:18

"Oh,Sir, are you going to buy that sex magazine, or what?"

27/06/16 11:09:41

Thank you for not wanking in the shop. --Michael Monkhouse

Glow ball warming.

11/03/15 12:56:46

Dear Frank, thanks for lending me your flat whilst you were away. The Feng Shui course went really well and I took the liberty of getting rid of a few of your things. Unfortunately I left my medication at home and had a severe bipolar episode, and it seems that I must have found your perminant colour set of magic markers. It is at this point I have to mention your beautifly polished white italian marble flooring .....

27/02/15 20:59:13

Slow motion photography.

26/02/15 12:13:24

"I should have chained it up, but I dread locks."

17/09/14 20:12:43

Jim thought about challenging the troops, but was just too wimpy.

24/06/14 12:03:41

Bloody Orange, still can't get a signal.

30/03/14 19:43:50

A four gone conclusion.

23/03/13 12:44:59

"Another fine mesh you've got yourself into."

13/11/12 20:43:34

"I'd prefer a Harp if you've got one."

12/05/12 10:50:44

"I've got someone coming through called Bruce, does that mean anything to anyone here?"

07/05/18 11:06:34

A call to arms.

04/01/18 13:08:20

21/12/17 13:08:36

24/05/17 11:01:03

"Couldn't they drown?"
"When the tide races in, I think it will be a four gone conclusion."

05/02/16 11:00:43

Yes, foreshore. --Greg Curtis

Tony's business wasn't doing well and went into voluntary liquidation.

19/09/15 20:10:11

"Yes officer, that's the man who was flashing in the park, except he was wearing a big mac."

13/01/15 20:24:57

No point in trying to butter him up, he prefers Marge.

21/06/14 19:28:58

After her massive Lottery win, gran had a message for all her relatives who suddenly decided to visit her after years of absence."

01/06/14 11:12:00

Lucy wouldn't use a note pad, she prefered her face book.

25/05/14 11:33:06

"I've just told the boys at the rugby club that we're gay."

20/05/13 19:23:47

Having been recently knighted for his successful business franchises, Roland became better known as Lard of the Rings.

29/03/13 12:29:03

thank you for that! I must remember to do hash anon first! --John Glover

"Pasta la vista baby!"

28/07/12 11:58:46

"Remember, don't speak at the border crossing Dad, just smile and do as I do."

27/07/12 10:47:40

"Is mum still fast asleep? well open her bedroom door very quietly for me, would you please?"

23/09/14 11:29:40

"Ok, so it's a funeral and not mud wrestling, just smile, keep bowing and walk slowly backwards and hopefully no one will notice."

10/02/14 12:21:07

Talk about LOL you made me splatter my monitor. --Barrie Bullock

" Are you sitting comfortably? well I'll begin, "Once upon a time, a long, long while ago in a far off land, there lived a little girl called Beatrix Potter.."

07/04/13 12:08:16

Chinese philosophy whilst waiting for new hardware store to open. "Just be and queue."

24/02/13 12:08:39

Love it. --Michael Monkhouse

Multiplication tables.

21/09/12 11:10:50

"Grandad, that's the last time I'm patching her up, remember, take your sodding teeth out first."

13/07/12 19:09:52

09/07/12 19:18:06

As Simon coldly watched Daphne plunge over the cliff to certain death, he suddenly realised the seriousness of his situation. she had the cigarette lighter.

07/05/12 19:48:19

John thought passing along the side of the car was the best option, whilst the rest of his team mates went over the top.

16/03/12 20:28:14

£50
WINNER

"Hello madam, sorry to interrupt your sleep, but I'm from the Jehovah's witnesses."

07/02/12 14:53:25

"I told you not to call the security guard a useless fat git."

25/11/19 20:05:50

The local Day Nursery 'Get your child home by drone' service was rapidly catching on.

07/05/19 19:39:23

" We are running out of time, underlay underlay Miguel!"

28/03/19 20:16:08

I don't know if this is bad or good, but I keep laughing, so it must be good. --James Lennox

The doctor asked Kevin for a mid stream sample.

09/08/18 12:20:03

Tandem parachute jumps do not always end up as planned.

30/01/18 12:03:49

"Wow, look at the size of its asshole, we can make a fortune from that fish canning company."

28/07/17 11:19:21

12/03/15 20:27:00

"Is he, isn't he."
"What?"
"Looks like Stu Dent is about to vote."

27/07/19 19:41:16

I'm all for wacky captions, but this is a bit too far fetched --The Wolf

"That's to the bastard who stole my drum kit."

29/06/19 11:27:21

My wife believed I was Phil Collins , till she bought me a drum kit.. --stone face

"Now you see me, now you don't, now you see me ..

09/04/19 19:55:39

We bought it at a knockdown price,

17/08/18 22:05:38

"What do you mean, you want to cross the road. Why?"

05/05/18 12:08:10

The Kraken is innocent!

16/02/18 13:10:18

Pancho led a very sheltered life.

22/08/16 19:35:28

This caption is just perfect. I'm back, today, reading it AGAIN: beautifully done! --Greg Curtis

"Dad, looked what I've just swapped for your I phone."

19/04/16 20:04:54

"Come on lads, if the ten of us stick close together there's no chance of anyone being suddenly kidnapped along the dodgey coastal road stage."

04/03/16 20:22:44

Playing the piano with Chas'? --[anon]

02/03/16 10:35:56

"Cuddles is innocent!"

02/02/16 20:09:20

Well, Keith Harris always stuck up for him... --[anon]

"Sorry son, but I've got no idea why Mrs Cohen wouldn't let you in to Samuel's birthday party."

13/01/16 14:01:22

"Ha ha, The advertising agency got that wrong, it should be Cow and Gate."

19/07/15 20:16:02

Well, if this doesn't get rid of his verrucas, nothing will.

07/03/15 20:56:02

"I don't know the sodding password, just let me get to that bloody tree before I burst."

21/10/14 19:24:14

18/10/14 11:06:59

"My wife charges £10 for sex, then puts it away for our holiday, a month in Barbados at the end of the year."
"Yeh, my wife does the same. We're off to Butlins for a week in 2017."

07/10/14 19:34:38

Speaking in a whisper. "Now that's a rare site, dung beetles don't often play with their food."

05/04/14 10:30:23

Emptying the skip.

25/03/14 13:01:45

"Looks like she hopped onto the ferry."

06/03/14 20:05:13

"You missed her with the discus, now try the javelin."

29/11/13 20:32:41

"Now lads, the four of us will be quite safe, if we all keep a sharp eye out for that crafty bastard of a fox."

27/10/13 20:46:02

After hearing the screams, like the rest of them, Len looked through the fence only to see an attractive young couple, oblivious to the world, heavily engaged in sex. Not one to waste a business opportunity, Len picked everyones pockets and casually ambled away.

26/11/12 20:55:40

Nigel was determined to win the "Light your own fart" competition.

04/07/12 10:15:38

Gary was not allowed to compete in the Walker Cup.

21/04/12 10:29:28

"Picture over Leroy, now get back under the bonnet and do the talking stuff."

19/01/12 20:10:49

16/09/11 10:19:19

"No sweetheart, I really don't think that's a good place to put your dummy."

03/08/14 11:16:10

Watching the world cup final had left a lasting impression on this Argentinian fan.

19/07/14 19:23:11

Rick wasn't really a portrait artist, he was just going through the motions.

05/04/14 10:06:15

Boots have got branches everywhere.

24/03/14 20:06:57

Is it safe to take your dog on a bike? well, thats a matter of a pillion.

05/12/13 12:19:09

"Fuck, that handle was hot!"

02/11/13 20:49:47

Word had got out that a stranger was in town trading magic beans.

20/10/13 10:00:53

As a father, Newton had his favourites. Gita got a new camera, Dillip a poke in the eye and Raja a packet of crisps.

27/05/13 11:04:08

Bet he can't wait 'til its his birthday. --Spud Gunn

"You'd have thought someone would have bought me a bloody lighter for my birthday, wouldn't you?"

11/01/13 20:35:35

16/11/12 20:08:36

Someone told him it was 'hard core', yet there was nothing on the other side of the wall but rubble, dust and broken bricks.

14/09/12 19:31:57

"Sorry mate, due to cut backs, the governer has decided to combine your last meal with your execution."

27/06/12 19:41:35

There is always an awful lot of bull shit to clear up after any party conference.

07/04/12 10:44:18

Male on sun day.

29/03/12 10:12:37

Donald wasn't a voyeur, it was all proper gander.

20/03/12 20:25:02

Paint stripper.

08/01/12 13:49:48

Little yellow riding hood.

02/09/11 10:10:24

"Evidently he's wearing a wide brimmed feathered hat, leather jerkin, knee high leather boots and carries a sword. Shouldn't be difficult to find."

16/09/19 12:22:13

" ..... and here's the video of Super Vet performing a simple neuter."

28/08/19 12:01:07

This gets more humorous the more you zoom in on the dog's face! --Karyn Harrison

The smear on the hippopotamus is equal to the smears on the other two sides.

04/07/19 16:00:59

Yes, I see now that i look at it from the right angle. --stone face

"Are you skipping school as well?"

09/06/19 11:57:55

"But I ordered beef wellington?"

31/12/18 20:50:29

27/06/18 11:32:16

Drives alright but the visibility is rubbish.

08/12/17 12:01:42

"Bloody dog passport, why aren't I allowed to smile?"

23/11/17 12:13:49

whopper goldburg.

10/04/17 19:21:54

X communication.

09/10/16 11:44:52

"Thanks son, now get back into your cupboard."

24/05/16 10:28:51

"Phew, that's the last time I volunteer to cut the cemetery grass."

12/03/16 13:09:51

Chicken a la cart.

03/03/16 11:33:09

24/07/15 20:21:05

Cath always cared for her elders.

10/11/14 11:16:20

"I put the baby hindi hammock and then let urdu all the work."

30/06/19 11:53:38

Diabolical --Dave Bryan

"Do you think daddy will come back?"
"Probably not."
"Why?"
"He can't swim."

03/02/19 12:17:50

"Oh Jesus, I forgot the loaves and fishes."

25/12/18 12:17:54

"I've never played spin the snake before?"

02/03/18 20:39:39

"No one, but no one pinches my arse, someone phone for an ambulance and go tell Doug the store manager they need another santa for the grotto, pronto."

28/11/17 13:08:51

Black Forest gateaux in the autumn.

15/06/17 9:52:54

"Well, that's the last time I keep my winter stash in a coal celler."

23/01/17 21:32:34

Hahahahaha --sandeep chahal

Every so often the love balls would hit the spot, bringing Miriam to a sudden standstill, transcending her into a trance of unspoken guiltless ecstasy. Leaving poor Samantha alone to experience many moments of jealousness and envy.

31/12/16 21:01:02

AWESOME. --Michael Monkhouse

"What do you mean, you didn't see the christmas tree, It was set up in the middle of the bloody roundabout."

22/12/16 12:40:12

Penny moved in strange circles

22/09/16 16:35:43

"It took me nearly three months to collect and nurture all of those fire flies. So what ever you do George don't open the bottle..GEORGE...GEORGE..."

14/09/16 10:35:49

I can almost hear the wonderful Joyce Grenfell's nursery sketches - "George, don't do that!" --Pussy Galore

25/02/16 12:58:25

14/02/16 12:17:10

"Right, dump him there before he sobers up. This is definitely the best stag night I've ever been on."

29/01/16 12:43:59

(i) thank you. --[anon]

Shirley's team won on points.

13/11/15 20:10:23

"Yes, I've made bloody sure you haven't left the gas on this time."

29/10/15 12:10:52

Proof that Jeremy Corbyn can be manipulated.

04/10/15 11:22:11

It's good to see the business is in creasing.

22/09/15 11:05:07

"There you are Miss West, even your birthday cake is pleased to see you."

27/07/15 20:38:32

Being blind didn't stop Karen from going to car boot sales and she knew she had picked up a bargain with this stuffed ten foot python.

10/06/15 11:27:39

ok thanks I completely missed it --mmmmm maybe

"You were right sis, he's not jewish."

15/05/15 20:36:31

The shape of things to come.

02/05/15 19:53:22

"Hope he likes plane chocolate."

10/04/15 11:43:25

Donald ducked ...

12/02/15 12:06:43

Top Gear prepare for a return trip to Argentina.

06/02/15 20:58:05

"Oh bugger, in which of those fields did I bury that bone."

10/01/15 20:32:25

oh come on...whoever's in charge ..please explain how that was offensive --stoneface1

Playtime at the nursery had been suspended.

20/08/14 11:14:18

19/08/14 9:28:13

Reporter: "So how long has this strange red hover hat been following you around?"

18/06/14 19:33:13

Ann Summers has branches everywhere.

10/05/14 11:18:33

"That's never going to satisfy me, it's my newt."

01/05/14 11:05:27

" I was just standing there admiring the evening view, when this massive rock just fell on my head. "

20/04/14 9:58:52

Past your eyes milk.

07/04/14 11:08:16

16/03/14 20:33:14

Trudy was determined to let everyone know how difficult it was to find and purchase green knickers.

28/02/14 20:16:40

Rebekah Brooks tries to get rid of phone tapping evidence following a tip off of an imminent police raid.

09/02/14 11:30:13

William always enjoyed his bath Times.

19/01/14 20:21:27

"Zeb, that's the last time I get a splinter out for you. You have got to do something about your obsession with knot holes."

20/05/13 11:26:40

He looked back bewildered, "I didn't think I'd pissed them off enough for them to find me and burn my place down."
"People do funny things Mr Bansal." said the fireman ushering Dev away from his now crumbling and sodden home.

02/04/13 19:28:12

Devine retribution perhaps... --Tony Busby

Can all lonely.

13/03/13 12:11:46

Before intercourse could take place, Helga and Royston would sing praises to the elephant diety and work themselves up into a frenzy of joy and passion. Royston would beat his block and quivering with excitement lead them to the bedroom. Here Helga would start to seductively undress and Royston would prematurely ejeculate and collapse on the floor. Helga usually had a headache by this time and would retire alone.

27/12/12 21:18:42

"If I catch one and kill it I'm cruel, if I don't bring any home for supper, I'm called useless, what do I do son?"

"Catch twenty two dad."

20/12/12 22:14:01

"Hi, I'm from the Jehovah's Witnesses."

24/11/12 20:35:01

"Hey, Mr bloody bridegroom! remember these do you?"

29/07/12 19:07:52

Beat about the bush.

15/06/12 10:14:15

Being a Basset, Bertie had to put up with Allsorts.

04/02/12 12:10:08

30/01/12 11:15:56

Onions, garlic and a touch of Rosemary. Delicious.

13/01/12 13:06:07

This is what happens when you buy your clothes from "Gap".

28/08/11 11:16:49

Full dress whites, the commanding officer's speech is far too long, and you realise last nights vindaloo is having an adverse effect.

26/11/19 12:19:18

"Two sugars please." Colin would often invite himself onto a strangers boat.

13/08/19 11:20:57

"My hair is so long, I have to treat and wash it one step at a time."

09/07/19 19:34:01

"I keep it hidden in the shed, bring it out from time to time and rearrange it, and when your dad comes home from work, he tuts "Not again dear." and buys us all an indian take away."

20/06/19 19:32:18

"Sargeant Wilcox. Stop trying to drown that bloody spider and find the bomb."

03/03/19 10:39:25

Darn it, should have supervoted this. Hilarious!! --Stephen Bean

♫ You picked a fine time to leave me loose seal ...

23/02/19 12:07:15

"We were caught playing football in the monastery, now we've been suspended."

19/02/19 20:28:09

In true Spartacus style, I do. --Dot Old

22/10/18 11:22:50

29/08/18 19:27:57

"sorry. Bloody cheap waterbed." sighed Tom.

05/07/18 19:27:40

Tonsil: "Light us."

22/06/18 10:52:47

"I might be an ugly sod, but I can still attract the birds."

01/02/18 20:37:58

"Dave, have you got your hearing aid in? I asked you how you felt about about the election."

18/12/17 13:18:53

"Got to give it to that rabbit, he was bloody clever."

30/11/17 20:11:53

'Whispering' ... "If you don't do as you are bloody told, you will soon be dog meat."

21/10/17 12:50:43

"Arghh, I said I wanted it to look virginal not vaginal!"

07/08/17 21:55:17

Veterinary to assistant: " Did you clean up the facial wound and put an eye pad on the mouse as I asked?"

12/03/17 13:34:07

You mean you didn't use a spool chocker? ;) --Pussy Galore

"Bloody sat nav, twelve hours swimming, instead of Calais I'm back at Dover."

12/02/17 13:41:40

"I warned you that the next little kid to take the piss out of my dress would get a clip round the ear."

14/12/16 13:23:49

Most diviners use rods to find water.

23/09/16 11:05:34

When decorating Janice puts her heart and sole into it.

19/09/16 11:42:41

"Just a small job they said, I'm sodding off before the cement arrives."

02/09/16 22:23:44

"You are a silly boy Gilbert, I said I fancied a quick fondle."

21/01/16 12:03:20

"That reminds me, gran has lost her false teeth again."

23/12/15 22:17:41

"I told you our basement was damp."

20/10/15 20:07:46

last comments (total: 547)

lol!

18/08/19
7:32pm

comment on caption:
"Just step back a bit, he's ace at breaking coconuts." [John Glover]

You mean those cattle are not blessed before... you know.

[anon]

20/08/19
4:39pm

comment on caption:
"I've just come to warn you that Abbot Twa is not a monk whose coming to bless you all." [John Glover]

This gets more humorous the more you zoom in on the dog's face!

28/08/19
12:26pm

comment on caption:
" ..... and here's the video of Super Vet performing a simple neuter." [John Glover]

Or, as Dave would describe it - Tuesday.

[anon]

10/09/19
8:29am

comment on caption:
Dave was in serious trouble, the diarrhea was bad enough, getting out of the reception hall wasn't too difficult, having to lean against the wall and cheerfully bid farewell to his daughter's guests was 0K, but now the shit had dried and adhered his trousers to the brickwork,his only way out was to somehow get the foul smelling trousers and underwear off, without being seen. [John Glover]

Looks like you've found a way to get some extra votes by using Dave's name... well done! (Here's another one.)

[anon]

10/09/19
10:02pm

comment on caption:
"What about Dave!" [John Glover]

I've got one of those and it's still roaming my house.

[anon]

29/09/19
2:31am

comment on caption:
We used to have one of those, but it only lived for three days. [John Glover]

Pretty similar to 12:33:02 - it could even be the next line in the conversation.

[anon]

08/10/19
6:26pm

comment on caption:
"Morning doctor, I've come about this spot on my face." [John Glover]

Oh, give us a break..

14/10/19
11:18am

comment on caption:
"My last stick of Kit-Kat, do I eat it myself or offer it to the receptionist and try and get her phone number?" [John Glover]

Three chairs for those needing to rest from hip replacement surgery "Hip, hip hooray!"

[anon]

13/11/19
11:14pm

comment on caption:
"No, I said when the volunteer cleaners arrive, let's greet them with some rousing CHEERS." [John Glover]

"Put some cream on it. It'll be fine!"

22/11/19
4:27pm

comment on caption:
"I don't think I'll have any pudding tonight Kev'."
"Why, what have we got?"
"Spotted dick." [John Glover]