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Dave Bryan

signed up: 1 year, 10 months ago
profile viewed: 38 time(s) this week
caption quota: 54
votes given since joining: 2,553
super vote quota: 1

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captions

''Don't worry, his Bach is worse than his bite.''

17/12/18 8:00:36

£50
WINNER

''If you buy ten packs, we'll throw in the towel.''

08/11/18 20:16:31

Many thanks for the kind comments. Looking at the quality of the previous winners, I'm delighted to now be one of them.The dosh will also come in useful. Next time my wife says ''Are you wasting your time doing those stupid captions again... --Dave Bryan

Early gurning centre

14/08/19 7:02:06

lol

clever

''I look down on him because I am a Waitrose pumpkin.''

''I look up to him because he is a Waitrose pumpkin but I look down on him because he is an Aldi pumpkin. I am a Tesco pumpkin.''

''I know my place.''

18/11/19 9:06:02

Very clever! --Karyn Harrison

Gay pride

19/08/19 7:00:09

lol

''Don't mention the War-burtons.''

08/10/18 20:26:05

Took me a while .... but a vote worthy fun caption. --John Glover

The buck stops here

14/06/18 11:00:17

''Can I have some mice in it?''

22/08/19 7:00:24

clever

The museum decided to hang the main exhibit slightly left of centaur.

24/02/19 8:05:35

14/01/19 12:00:40

Where's Wally: Level 1

21/09/18 11:02:11

Jane decides to leave her Tokyo accommodation.

24/07/18 7:23:17

lol

Pen pusher

24/07/19 7:00:10

The pen is mightier than the sheared. :^) --Crunchy Chords

''You're the most beautiful girl I've ever seen.''

''Get some glasses.''

30/10/19 8:16:23

She may be Maiden America but the flag was probably maiden China.

28/07/19 11:14:04

lol

IAAF ban South African women's relay team.

03/05/19 19:03:33

Primer donnas

06/09/18 11:13:13

''Since taking anabollic steroids, I've had a new Lisa life.''

22/08/18 19:46:45

''What shall we do with the other suspect, Sarge?''

''Grill him.''

04/12/19 8:01:58

British police are hoping to have him extradited across the pond.

29/11/19 12:10:17

North Pole dancer

03/11/19 8:05:37

Cedar's Digest

24/08/19 7:10:16

creative

''I hope the motel is very successful.'' - Well wisher.

12/08/19 7:21:00

''You've done watt?''

02/04/19 22:08:28

Southpaw

02/08/18 7:00:12

lol

''Why does he have to throw the stick so bloody far?''

23/09/19 7:22:49

Critics not impressed with trailer for new Pokemon movie.

17/06/19 7:06:51

clever

On Her Majesty's Secret Cervix

05/06/19 7:38:50

''That's another one. Write it down in our book. How are we doing?''

''So far we've spotted 23 old bastards with binoculars.''

11/05/19 11:14:58

''Could you repeat that? I've got a head like a sieve.''

23/04/19 11:00:49

Funny 😂 --Karen Oakenfull

lol

''Just shoo it away, darling.''

25/03/19 12:13:42

lol

''Bye, dad.''

''Bison.''

25/03/19 12:00:39

Forlawn mower

09/03/19 8:00:11

He's been using factor 50/50 again.

20/08/18 7:47:30

''Shall I tell the driver you've fixed it?''

''This is Southern Rail, mate. I am the f--king driver.''

Sat 12:16:40

A bad case of nappy rasher

23/11/19 20:00:47

clever x2

''It was an amicable divorce. We shared everything.''

16/11/19 12:12:00

Did he give her the boot? --Mr Dome

creative

''....and sold tomorrow.''

31/08/19 7:08:18

Guaranteed to make your breath smell fowl.

28/08/19 11:16:40

Another cabinet reshuffle

23/06/19 19:02:12

Attractive girls always have buoys hanging round them.

13/06/19 7:00:33

The film is even scarier than the trailer.

28/04/19 11:00:19

''Do you comb here often?''

07/03/19 20:05:48

😂 Haven’t got any supervotes this week but wanted to tell you that after seeing this pic for time, I think your caption is really funny 😁 --Karen Oakenfull

''The drinks are on me.''

01/01/19 12:13:00

I reckon this caption would be even better without the first half. --Molly R

Goldfish

28/12/18 12:00:56

lol

''Sod the Milk Tray. Get me back to the surface.''

14/12/18 12:35:23

''Oops, I've dropped the baby down the toilet.''

15/11/18 12:03:43

"I baptize you Floaty McFloatface." --Karyn Harrison

clever

A recent survey suggests that 3 out of 10 people have difficulty opening Windows.

12/08/18 7:08:57

As he walked through the back streets of Marseille, Pierre began to notice some pain underneath his right arm.

17/06/18 11:02:18

Pantyhose

19/02/18 8:02:57

''Sarge, we've got the right Donald.''

''OK, let the Duck go.''

30/11/19 9:07:50

NO KITE FLYING

07/11/19 12:02:05

clever

The Sty At Night

19/10/19 7:00:15

''Why am I under arrest?''

''You're wearing a loud shirt in a quiet neighbourhood.''

10/09/19 11:05:35

''No, darling, I said you needed to put a coat on.''

31/07/19 11:41:45

lol

''Isn't that typical? You go for a coffee and when you get back some c*nt is sitting in your seat.''

29/07/19 19:04:15

lol

Shoppers run for cover as plague of moths hits city centre.

26/07/19 11:08:10

Inkling

23/07/19 7:04:57

''She's wanted dead or alive. There's a price on her head.''

07/07/19 19:28:38

The Nan In The Iron Mask

26/04/19 12:26:21

''Order! Order! Order! Order! Order!''
''What's that noise?''
''It sounds like The Speaker.''

08/04/19 7:21:40

clever

''They always come to Sainsbury's with me. They collect the nectar points.''

04/04/19 7:04:40

Warning: Heavy Plant Crossing

05/12/18 20:00:28

Shia delight

14/10/18 11:10:13

''Darling, when I said she wanted a Magnum.....''

25/09/18 19:47:49

Men Behaving Sadly

15/08/18 11:01:10

''Apparently, the company isn't doing very well. They've had to call in the receivers.''

19/06/18 12:36:14

''Open fire?''

''I prefer gas.''

04/12/19 8:19:11

Robber duck

29/11/19 12:36:55

''Did you have the vegan option for lunch?''

''Yes, he was delicious.''

20/07/19 11:16:56

Alcoholics Anonymous

06/07/19 7:31:39

Flushing Meadows

24/06/19 11:02:15

''Nan, do you have a sound system?''

''Yes, I take cod liver oil capsules everyday.''

24/03/19 8:32:50

Darth Spader

23/03/19 8:19:19

Land Phil

16/03/19 13:42:10

''We need to take Rex to the vets.''

19/02/19 8:01:15

clever

''We find that most visitors come to see George Best's liver.''

03/02/19 8:53:11

lol

''I've just come back from the doctors. I keep getting a ringing noise in my ear.''

01/02/19 12:05:08

Hound of the Maskervilles

20/01/19 12:01:17

Rebel Without A Claus

22/12/18 8:01:14

Scowl

23/10/18 11:00:08

Face painting

06/09/18 11:00:15

''Don't look so smug. The dart missed.''

11/08/18 20:11:51

This caption really leaves me wanting to know what happened next. --Pussy Galore

Lily spots a peeping tom.

27/07/18 7:00:19

Looks like urine agony.

06/06/18 7:16:30

lol

Budget cutbacks impact on Hitchcock remake.

06/03/18 13:29:43

''You've got face on your egg.''

24/11/19 12:03:10

''And I've got a heavenly body.''

21/11/19 20:23:34

''Are you The Laughing Cow?''

''Not after reading these f-cking captions.''

01/11/19 8:25:48

Oh dairy me.. --stone face

Height of fashion

15/10/19 19:02:37

Salvation Army

12/07/19 7:18:07

''This is only the first, madam. There's going to be a packet of them.''

29/05/19 11:17:44

''Spoke On The Water''

24/05/19 19:09:27

''Don't worry, the picture will come back when the wind gets up.''

15/05/19 11:01:36

''Sorry, I can't speak at the moment. I have a frog in my throat.''

10/05/19 11:05:28

creative

Outside line

08/05/19 7:00:26

''I'm sorry, Jesus, we've run out of wine.''

''Don't worry. It's not a problem.''

07/05/19 11:07:20

''Darling, why didn't you use the Rolls?''

02/05/19 11:02:03

''Well done, Chris. You bastard.''

02/04/19 7:06:32

Twin Beaks

17/02/19 8:00:32

''It's one of The Joker's traps, Batman. This is Norfolk.''

29/01/19 8:02:34

Norfolk 'n beautiful women --Mr Dome

''I've just tested him for cat nip, Sarge. He's well over the limit.''

23/08/18 7:29:33

''An Even Better Day Out'' - Wallace & Gromit

01/08/18 11:12:05

Brushing twice a day helps prevent bum disease.

28/07/18 20:29:14

And irritable vowel syndrome. --Karyn Harrison

I knew she would never finish that jumper.

16/06/18 7:07:23

Headbutt

03/06/18 7:18:10

Cycle of violence

26/11/19 20:00:47

That's one way to break it. --Scrijjy Doo

The Grand Old Duke Of Yorkie

19/11/19 8:10:42

He had ten thousand women. --Molly R

''The main course is cooked but I'm having problems with the starter.''

16/11/19 9:11:02

''Make up your mind. Are you going to help that old fart wrap up the presents or would you prefer a blow job?''

03/11/19 8:03:22

''Down, boy.''

24/10/19 11:00:59

Now available in pouches

22/10/19 19:01:19

''What! Sup Doc?''

21/10/19 11:21:10

It's a difficult photo but I'm still going to post something.

16/10/19 7:07:07

''Would you like some more fish, Tom?''

''No thanks, I'm stuffed.''

15/10/19 11:25:18

''It was a great shame about old John. He kicked the bucket getting into the bath.''

07/09/19 11:05:45

Another captioneer collapses with exhaustion after trying to think of something funny.

07/09/19 7:44:43

Bark and ride

27/08/19 11:00:17

She goes down nicely after a bottle of wine.

13/08/19 19:42:45

''You need to move that, mate. This is a no-fly zone.''

21/07/19 11:04:34

''OK guys, you've nailed that one.''

07/07/19 11:02:48

''I wonder if I'm sniffing the right end.''

07/07/19 7:04:42

No it taint. --Scrappy Doo

''What bigamy problem?''

20/06/19 11:06:32

''Never Mind The Horlicks''

09/06/19 20:24:37

''This is his favourite course. He just loves the greens.''

26/05/19 11:02:20

''And, furthermore, I find your captions only moderately amusing.''

13/04/19 7:12:34

D'or handles

13/02/19 20:00:59

''This sunburn is killing me. I should have married someone with bigger tits.''

18/01/19 20:28:17

''When happy hour starts there's usually a stampede.''

30/11/18 20:01:20

Raleigh discovers America

23/11/18 8:00:22

The poor birds have had the stuffing knocked out of them.

12/11/18 20:03:18

One Foot In The Gravel

09/11/18 12:01:30

''Miserable bastard! I only had one foot on the seat.''

22/10/18 7:29:54

Arctic Circle line

22/10/18 7:00:16

lol

He's definitely out according to Auk-Eye.

20/09/18 10:33:57

Underarm tactics

31/07/18 7:04:47

Whatever the opposition, Schwarber usually got the runs.

19/04/18 7:16:18

I'd write much better captions, if I only had a brain.

Fri 12:04:49

Not a man to be truffled with

19/11/19 8:06:27

''Why do you always sulk when you lose at musical chairs?''

15/10/19 7:09:59

''I need a pee. Pass it on.''
''Bob needs a pee. Pass it on.''
''Bob needs a pee. Pass it on.''
''Bob needs a pee. Pass it on.''
''Bob needs a pee. Pass it on.''
''Bob needs a pee.''
''He should have gone before we set off. Pass it on.''
''He should have gone before we set off. Pass it on.''
''He should have gone before we set off. Pass it on.''
''He should have gone before we set off. Pass it on.''
''He should have gone before we set off. Pass it on.''
''You should have gone before we set off.''

14/09/19 7:41:21

Deadly emissions

12/09/19 19:00:44

Captured.Me

09/09/19 7:00:50

''Mummy needs to get some groceries, darling. Just play with yourself for a while.''

13/08/19 7:16:43

I'm all for dupe policing, but I think this one is fine. The potential for a masturbation based caption is pretty obvious, so it's hard to say only one captioneer is entitled to it. Other than that the joke is quite different. 20:00:09 could wor... --James Lennox