lol creative x2 clever

''Hello, Derbyshire police, it's Tom here. I've just seen a couple walking their dog.''

31/03/20 8:04:05

lol

''How are you going to cure me?''

''Just Like That!''

26/02/20 12:03:06

''Don't worry, his Bach is worse than his bite.''

17/12/18 8:00:36

£50
WINNER

''If you buy ten packs, we'll throw in the towel.''

08/11/18 20:16:31

lol

''This is a station announcement for all those passengers wishing to commit suicide: The train due to be arriving on platform 1 will now be arriving on Platform 2.''

27/05/20 21:12:30

''I'm absolutely worn out, prowling round Essex all night trying to find a virgin.''

01/05/20 12:13:13

Early gurning centre

14/08/19 8:02:06

lol clever

''He didn't suffer. He fried in his sleep.''

30/06/20 20:00:38

lol clever

''I look down on him because I am a Waitrose pumpkin.''

''I look up to him because he is a Waitrose pumpkin but I look down on him because he is an Aldi pumpkin. I am a Tesco pumpkin.''

''I know my place.''

18/11/19 9:06:02

Gay pride

19/08/19 8:00:09

lol

''Don't mention the War-burtons.''

08/10/18 21:26:05

The buck stops here

14/06/18 12:00:17

lol x2 clever

Shortly after this photo was taken, the penguin on the left was eaten by a seal. Please take this into account when you are posting your captions.

02/07/20 12:43:32

''Can I have some mice in it?''

22/08/19 8:00:24

clever

The museum decided to hang the main exhibit slightly left of centaur.

24/02/19 8:05:35

clever

That's no mere cat.

14/01/19 12:00:40

lol clever

Where's Wally: Level 1

21/09/18 12:02:11

Jane decides to leave her Tokyo accommodation.

24/07/18 8:23:17

lol creative

♪ Don't Stand So Close To Me ♪

06/07/20 8:34:47

clever x3

''This isn't fair. We agreed to start the battle this afternoon.''

''Too bad, Ethelred.''

05/04/20 9:05:50

lol

Pen pusher

24/07/19 8:00:10

Reese with her spoon

18/12/19 8:27:59

''You're the most beautiful girl I've ever seen.''

''Get some glasses.''

30/10/19 8:16:23

She may be Maiden America but the flag was probably maiden China.

28/07/19 12:14:04

lol

IAAF ban South African women's relay team.

03/05/19 20:03:33

Primer donnas

06/09/18 12:13:13

''Since taking anabollic steroids, I've had a new Lisa life.''

22/08/18 20:46:45

clever

Shelf isolation

26/06/20 8:07:41

clever

Pulp Fiction

14/05/20 20:14:34

lol

I don't mind the fan dancing but I think it's a bit tasteless to bring that dead dog on stage.

06/05/20 8:49:11

clever

One of Van Gogh's earlier paintings before he began to suffer from depression.

03/05/20 12:02:41

''And, if you waste any more time on that f-cking caption site, I'll splatter your brains all over the wall.''

17/04/20 21:06:48

''Whereabouts in the UK do you live?''

''How do you know I'm from the UK?''

11/04/20 12:27:39

Birdwatching For Beginners

28/03/20 8:42:18

lol

''Give me the frog any day.''

26/02/20 8:32:41

''Lemmy out!''

04/01/20 12:00:24

clever

Coney Island

22/12/19 8:02:28

''Should we go and vote?''

''No, the captions are crap.''

12/12/19 12:05:21

''What shall we do with the other suspect, Sarge?''

''Grill him.''

04/12/19 8:01:58

British police are hoping to have him extradited across the pond.

29/11/19 12:10:17

North Pole dancer

03/11/19 8:05:37

Cedar's Digest

24/08/19 8:10:16

creative

''I hope the motel is very successful.'' - Well wisher.

12/08/19 8:21:00

''You've done watt?''

02/04/19 23:08:28

Southpaw

02/08/18 8:00:12

''Are you responsible for that crack?''

''Honestly, dad, it's not my fault.''

Sat 12:13:46

Neighbours

30/05/20 8:00:13

lol

''After three days of suffering in excruciating agony, the cat eventually died.''

''That was wonderful. I love a happy ending.''

22/05/20 8:37:20

Captain Tom harassed by groupies.

06/05/20 12:09:52

''That was my Wednesday lunchtime caption. Now the caption I did in the evening got even more votes........''

06/03/20 8:02:44

''It's the only way I can stop him from self harming. He keeps bashing his head against the windows.''

24/02/20 8:08:10

She's always reluctant to leave her comfort zone.

15/02/20 12:00:53

I love his handlebar moustache.

13/02/20 12:02:52

lol

''Do I look like I want to go for a f-cking walk?''

12/02/20 8:02:48

lol

''Why does he have to throw the stick so bloody far?''

23/09/19 8:22:49

Critics not impressed with trailer for new Pokemon movie.

17/06/19 8:06:51

clever

On Her Majesty's Secret Cervix

05/06/19 8:38:50

''That's another one. Write it down in our book. How are we doing?''

''So far we've spotted 23 old bastards with binoculars.''

11/05/19 12:14:58

''Could you repeat that? I've got a head like a sieve.''

23/04/19 12:00:49

lol

''Just shoo it away, darling.''

25/03/19 12:13:42

lol

''Bye, dad.''

''Bison.''

25/03/19 12:00:39

Forlawn mower

09/03/19 8:00:11

He's been using factor 50/50 again.

20/08/18 8:47:30

News has reached the fishermen that the schools will soon be back.

25/05/20 8:34:45

''We had to take him off transplants. He kept eating the liver.''

30/04/20 9:09:19

''How do you feel since you've been on the Frontline?''

''Great. It's got rid of all my fleas.''

30/04/20 8:28:49

''Dostoyevsky always cracks me up.''

23/04/20 20:06:18

Tom Baker

13/04/20 20:21:27

''If I were you, I wouldn't keep shouting 'Heel'.''

21/03/20 8:02:07

Frozen pees

23/12/19 8:00:15

''Please remember not to leave stormtroopers in cars during the hot weather.''

19/12/19 12:24:57

''Shall I tell the driver you've fixed it?''

''This is Southern Rail, mate. I am the f--king driver.''

07/12/19 12:16:40

A bad case of nappy rasher

23/11/19 20:00:47

clever x2

''It was an amicable divorce. We shared everything.''

16/11/19 12:12:00

creative

''....and sold tomorrow.''

31/08/19 8:08:18

Guaranteed to make your breath smell fowl.

28/08/19 12:16:40

Another cabinet reshuffle

23/06/19 20:02:12

Attractive girls always have buoys hanging round them.

13/06/19 8:00:33

The film is even scarier than the trailer.

28/04/19 12:00:19

''Do you comb here often?''

07/03/19 20:05:48

''The drinks are on me.''

01/01/19 12:13:00

Goldfish

28/12/18 12:00:56

lol

''Sod the Milk Tray. Get me back to the surface.''

14/12/18 12:35:23

''Oops, I've dropped the baby down the toilet.''

15/11/18 12:03:43

clever

A recent survey suggests that 3 out of 10 people have difficulty opening Windows.

12/08/18 8:08:57

As he walked through the back streets of Marseille, Pierre began to notice some pain underneath his right arm.

17/06/18 12:02:18

Pantyhose

19/02/18 8:02:57

''What kind of fish are you?''

''Don't tell him, Pike.''

14/05/20 8:04:31

Dave couldn't understand why he only ever caught flat fish.

13/05/20 8:24:39

lol

''Cut! Sly, can you try and look a bit more animated in the next shoot?''

21/04/20 8:15:53

''Have you you been tested?''

''Yes, they say I'm f-cking crazy.''

03/04/20 8:05:13

clever

Grounded!

31/03/20 12:40:41

Friendly fire

14/02/20 20:05:07

''If you want some action, fellas, just give me a ring.''

07/01/20 8:02:50

''Sarge, we've got the right Donald.''

''OK, let the Duck go.''

30/11/19 9:07:50

NO KITE FLYING

07/11/19 12:02:05

clever

The Sty At Night

19/10/19 8:00:15

''Why am I under arrest?''

''You're wearing a loud shirt in a quiet neighbourhood.''

10/09/19 12:05:35

''No, darling, I said you needed to put a coat on.''

31/07/19 12:41:45

lol

''Isn't that typical? You go for a coffee and when you get back some c*nt is sitting in your seat.''

29/07/19 20:04:15

lol

Shoppers run for cover as plague of moths hits city centre.

26/07/19 12:08:10

Inkling

23/07/19 8:04:57

''She's wanted dead or alive. There's a price on her head.''

07/07/19 20:28:38

The Nan In The Iron Mask

26/04/19 13:26:21

''Order! Order! Order! Order! Order!''
''What's that noise?''
''It sounds like The Speaker.''

08/04/19 8:21:40

clever

''They always come to Sainsbury's with me. They collect the nectar points.''

04/04/19 8:04:40

Warning: Heavy Plant Crossing

05/12/18 20:00:28

Shia delight

14/10/18 12:10:13

''Darling, when I said she wanted a Magnum.....''

25/09/18 20:47:49

Men Behaving Sadly

15/08/18 12:01:10

''Apparently, the company isn't doing very well. They've had to call in the receivers.''

19/06/18 13:36:14

''Julian and George sat down to eat their ice creams....''

''Skip that. Move on to the bit where Timmy finds the buried treasure.''

22/05/20 8:14:57

''Darling, can you fetch me another roll?''

''Sorry, I don't know the safe combination.''

21/04/20 20:46:15

''Take that you French bastard. You ate my kids.''

20/04/20 13:28:55

But sheep are allowed to have a quick dip.

19/04/20 8:09:58

''Hand over the cash or we'll take off the masks.''

16/04/20 8:24:31

''What kind of soup are you making?''

11/03/20 8:22:59

''Open fire?''

''I prefer gas.''

04/12/19 8:19:11

Robber duck

29/11/19 12:36:55

''Did you have the vegan option for lunch?''

''Yes, he was delicious.''

20/07/19 12:16:56

Alcoholics Anonymous

06/07/19 8:31:39

Flushing Meadows

24/06/19 12:02:15

''Nan, do you have a sound system?''

''Yes, I take cod liver oil capsules everyday.''

24/03/19 8:32:50

Darth Spader

23/03/19 8:19:19

Land Phil

16/03/19 13:42:10

''We need to take Rex to the vets.''

19/02/19 8:01:15

clever

''We find that most visitors come to see George Best's liver.''

03/02/19 8:53:11

lol

''I've just come back from the doctors. I keep getting a ringing noise in my ear.''

01/02/19 12:05:08

Hound of the Maskervilles

20/01/19 12:01:17

Rebel Without A Claus

22/12/18 8:01:14

Scowl

23/10/18 12:00:08

Face painting

06/09/18 12:00:15

''Don't look so smug. The dart missed.''

11/08/18 21:11:51

Lily spots a peeping tom.

27/07/18 8:00:19

Looks like urine agony.

06/06/18 8:16:30

lol

Budget cutbacks impact on Hitchcock remake.

06/03/18 13:29:43

lol

''Is that my father?''

''No, he's in the Daddies sauce bottle.''

Thu 12:36:15

It got five stars on Drip Adviser.

Thu 8:11:03

Moggy style

07/07/20 12:00:14

Trump demonstrates to the media how he found Wally.

01/07/20 8:02:52

''Follow that cat.''

18/06/20 8:12:55

''99?''

''You cheeky bastard! I've only just turned 80.''

16/06/20 12:01:42

The legs are OK but I'm not impressed by the bust.

11/06/20 8:00:19

Funflower

03/05/20 12:09:23

''You're going to the abattoir tomorrow.''

''Hey mate, can you stop your dog worrying my sheep?''

27/04/20 7:56:25

Come again soon

16/04/20 20:13:03

''Shouldn't we stay two metres apart?''

''You should have thought of that nine months ago.''

23/03/20 12:17:50

''I think we need some new sheets, darling.''

10/03/20 8:01:39

clever

''Your duties comprise of shagging me three times a day for a salary of £100,000 a year. Do you want the job?''

''Yes, I'll never find another opening like that.''

15/02/20 8:02:34

Died in the wool

11/01/20 8:06:42

BREAKING NEWS: Corbyn quits Labour and joins Christmas Party.

30/12/19 12:01:19

''How much do you weigh?''

''Don't tell him, pike.''

15/12/19 12:23:58

I can't think of a caption. I'm hoopless at puns.

13/12/19 8:03:06

''You've got face on your egg.''

24/11/19 12:03:10

''And I've got a heavenly body.''

21/11/19 20:23:34

''Are you The Laughing Cow?''

''Not after reading these f-cking captions.''

01/11/19 8:25:48

Height of fashion

15/10/19 20:02:37

Salvation Army

12/07/19 8:18:07

''This is only the first, madam. There's going to be a packet of them.''

29/05/19 12:17:44

''Spoke On The Water''

24/05/19 20:09:27

''Don't worry, the picture will come back when the wind gets up.''

15/05/19 12:01:36

''Sorry, I can't speak at the moment. I have a frog in my throat.''

10/05/19 12:05:28

creative

Outside line

08/05/19 8:00:26

''I'm sorry, Jesus, we've run out of wine.''

''Don't worry. It's not a problem.''

07/05/19 12:07:20

''Darling, why didn't you use the Rolls?''

02/05/19 12:02:03

''Well done, Chris. You bastard.''

02/04/19 8:06:32

Twin Beaks

17/02/19 8:00:32

''It's one of The Joker's traps, Batman. This is Norfolk.''

29/01/19 8:02:34

''I've just tested him for cat nip, Sarge. He's well over the limit.''

23/08/18 8:29:33

''An Even Better Day Out'' - Wallace & Gromit

01/08/18 12:12:05

Brushing twice a day helps prevent bum disease.

28/07/18 21:29:14

I knew she would never finish that jumper.

16/06/18 8:07:23

Headbutt

03/06/18 8:18:10

The beginning of a very long neck-ing session.

06/07/20 20:00:44

Dyeing breed

05/07/20 8:02:45

Tee Rex

02/07/20 20:01:19

''To be honest, Jane, I'm not that hungry.''

30/06/20 12:00:43

''I always use PPE because I'm a key worker.''

19/06/20 8:13:49

Fighting the flab

11/06/20 20:00:26

''Seize Up Mother Brown''

19/05/20 13:03:39

''You did great there, Tommy. The man up the road hasn't caught anything.''

14/05/20 8:00:41

Tea Rex

03/05/20 8:01:04

No girl can resist the charms of stone face.

21/04/20 8:00:51

''Sorry, boys, we need to shoot that again. Can somebody remove the idiot who keeps waving at the back?''

05/04/20 8:44:41

''What are the chances of this caption getting a vote?''

''My newt.''

26/03/20 8:08:18

When it's over who's going to pick up the pieces?

22/03/20 12:01:26

''Since the outbreak of Coronavirus the business has gone to pot.''

18/03/20 8:16:44

Coronavirus Breaking News: China has announced that all flights have been grounded.

24/02/20 8:02:12

''Be quiet. Don't you know there's a wailing ban in force?''

13/02/20 20:19:15

''Lean backwards - pass it on.''
''Lean backwards - pass it on.''
''Lean backwards - pass it on.''
''Lean backwards - pass it on.''
''Agh!''

05/01/20 20:23:17

Cycle of violence

26/11/19 20:00:47

The Grand Old Duke Of Yorkie

19/11/19 8:10:42

''The main course is cooked but I'm having problems with the starter.''

16/11/19 9:11:02

''Make up your mind. Are you going to help that old fart wrap up the presents or would you prefer a blow job?''

03/11/19 8:03:22

''Down, boy.''

24/10/19 12:00:59

Now available in pouches

22/10/19 20:01:19

''What! Sup Doc?''

21/10/19 12:21:10

It's a difficult photo but I'm still going to post something.

16/10/19 8:07:07

''Would you like some more fish, Tom?''

''No thanks, I'm stuffed.''

15/10/19 12:25:18

''It was a great shame about old John. He kicked the bucket getting into the bath.''

07/09/19 12:05:45