Dave Bryan

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	''Waiter, will the pizza be long?'' ''Yes.'' 04/01/23 20:00:14, edited: 04/01/23 20:00:38	27

	lol creative x2 clever ''Hello, Derbyshire police, it's Tom here. I've just seen a couple walking their dog.'' 31/03/20 7:04:05	26

	The Emperors' new clothes 20/01/23 8:00:42, edited: 20/01/23 8:00:59	25

	lol ''The conference hall bar is now open, if anyone would like to purchase a gottle o' geer.'' 16/10/22 11:01:00	25

	lol Stoned baked pizza 08/08/21 19:20:57	24

	lol ''It's not my fault the nest is a shambles. The instructions were in Swedish and three of the twigs were missing.'' 16/06/22 19:29:20	23

	lol ''What have you got to say for yourself?'' ''Meow.'' 15/10/21 11:09:02	1 23
Your cat clearly helped you with this one Dave! --Chris Keegan
	creative ''If only we could have had the blizzard before your mother arrived.'' 31/12/22 8:20:07	22

	lol ''I wish he wouldn't throw the stick so far.'' 03/12/21 20:25:23	2 22
Let seeking dogs fly --Glad You Remember
	''Darling, we need to re-seed the lawn. That bear patch looks terrible.'' 20/05/21 7:01:33	22

	''Let me come with you, Johnny. Don't leave me here alone. I won't be a nuisance. Please, I'm begging you. Listen to me, I'll die if you go.'' ''For Christ's sake, Martha, I'm only putting the bins out.'' 16/08/20 19:49:00	22

	lol ''How are you going to cure me?'' ''Just Like That!'' 26/02/20 12:03:06	10 22
I had a teacher who used to set his alarm for 3am so he could get up and have a ciggy... --James Lennox
	''Don't worry, his Bach is worse than his bite.'' 17/12/18 8:00:36	22

	''If you buy ten packs, we'll throw in the towel.'' 08/11/18 20:16:31	14 22
Many thanks for the kind comments. Looking at the quality of the previous winners, I'm delighted to now be one of them.The dosh will also come in useful. Next time my wife says ''Are you wasting your time doing those stupid captions again... --Dave Bryan
	lol creative BREAKING French step up security on Calais coast. 17/11/22 8:01:05	21

	WHERE ARE THEY NOW? Somewhere near her ankles. 04/11/22 8:15:14	21

	''Nightingale?'' ''No, I'm going to the pictures after dinner.'' 15/09/22 7:03:57, edited: 15/09/22 7:07:29	1 21
I once went out with a girl named Gayle. She had a terrible wind problem. --James Lennox
	''I can't see Newcastle avoiding relegation, Gary. They're just too exposed at the back.'' 26/03/21 8:33:21	21

	lol ''This is a station announcement for all those passengers wishing to commit suicide: The train due to be arriving on platform 1 will now be arriving on Platform 2.'' 27/05/20 20:12:30	2 21
Looks like there'll be no departures today. --Karyn Harrison
	''I'm absolutely worn out, prowling round Essex all night trying to find a virgin.'' 01/05/20 11:13:13	21

	Early gurning centre 14/08/19 7:02:06	21

	''When did you first notice it was different to your right foot?'' 19/11/22 8:03:52	20

	lol Another graduate from the Theresa May School of Dancing. 24/09/22 7:01:47	20

	''Does anyone else want to object to the wedding?'' 05/09/22 19:04:56	20

	lol ''Why can't we go any faster, dad?'' ''There's probably a woman ahead holding up the traffic.'' 03/01/22 8:21:01	20

	lol ''On reflection, thirty quid does seem a bit cheap for a luxury spa weekend.'' 18/11/21 8:02:43	20

	''She's going to need plastic surgery.'' 17/05/21 19:00:15	20

	clever x2 Sadly, Daisy is still trying to find a byre for her paintings. 19/02/21 12:13:20	20

	lol New 'Ice Age' movie ruined by product placement say critics. 16/07/20 7:33:51	20

	lol clever ''He didn't suffer. He fried in his sleep.'' 30/06/20 19:00:38	1 20

	lol clever ''I look down on him because I am a Waitrose pumpkin.'' ''I look up to him because he is a Waitrose pumpkin but I look down on him because he is an Aldi pumpkin. I am a Tesco pumpkin.'' ''I know my place.'' 18/11/19 9:06:02	2 20
Very clever! --Karyn Harrison
	Gay pride 19/08/19 7:00:09	1 20

	lol ''Don't mention the War-burtons.'' 08/10/18 20:26:05	2 20
Took me a while .... but a vote worthy fun caption. --John Glover
	The buck stops here 14/06/18 11:00:17	20

	clever ''Mummy, why doesn't this tit work?'' ''Because he's a lazy bastard.'' 17/11/21 20:01:03	19

	clever ''Good afternoon. I'd like to talk to you about Cod.'' 13/06/21 11:13:25	3 19
Holy mackerel! --Willie Johnson
	creative ''Am I OK here, Vincent?'' ''Actually, I've changed my mind. I think the painting will be better without you in it.'' 15/09/20 7:15:47	19

	lol x2 clever Shortly after this photo was taken, the penguin on the left was eaten by a seal. Please take this into account when you are posting your captions. 02/07/20 11:43:32	4 19
2 days in and it looks like the Â£50 prize is already buggered for the month. Great caption. --James Lennox
	''Can I have some mice in it?'' 22/08/19 7:00:24	19

	clever The museum decided to hang the main exhibit slightly left of centaur. 24/02/19 8:05:35	19

	clever That's no mere cat. 14/01/19 12:00:40	2 19

	lol clever Where's Wally: Level 1 21/09/18 11:02:11	19

	Jane decides to leave her Tokyo accommodation. 24/07/18 7:23:17	19

	SPORT: BREAKING In a bid to increase their wages, professional female bowlers have begun a series of strikes. 10/01/23 8:02:21	18

	creative Perhaps our American captioneer can explain this vehicle. Is it a boxcar, Willie? 02/01/23 8:08:45	1 18

	lol ''Stand to attention. Form two straight lines. Move when I tell you to move.'' ''They may know the grill, Sarge, but you'll never make soldiers out of them.'' 03/11/22 12:30:52, edited: 03/11/22 12:41:33	18

	clever ''What's that noise, darling?'' ''It'll probably be those bloody kids from next door climbing on the roof again.'' 04/10/22 7:41:43	18

	After a lifetime of hard work he's urned it. 16/11/21 8:01:24	18

	A prize to die for 16/11/21 8:00:13	18

	clever 🎵 Ground control to minor Tom 🎵 12/08/21 11:06:47	18

	''There's something wrong with the clutch.'' 26/05/21 19:09:48	5 18
Looks more like the eggshaust. --John Glover
	clever ''I should keep two metres away from her. She may be a carrier pigeon.'' 17/01/21 9:05:07	18

	''Shit! It's frozen.'' 02/10/20 7:12:13	18

	BREAKING NEWS: Shergar found at Chester Zoo. He had me fooled claims zebra keeper. 17/08/20 19:23:38	18

	lol creative 🎵 Don't Stand So Close To Me 🎵 06/07/20 7:34:47	1 18

	clever x3 ''This isn't fair. We agreed to start the battle this afternoon.'' ''Too bad, Ethelred.'' 05/04/20 8:05:50	1 18

	lol Pen pusher 24/07/19 7:00:10	1 18
The pen is mightier than the sheared. :^) --Crunchy Chords
	''You aren't going to believe this, Rover. Two German Shepherds have nicked our sunbeds.'' 29/09/22 7:04:58	17

	''You may now give the bride a kiss on the lips or, if you prefer, a peck on the cheek.'' 18/07/22 7:03:23	17

	''Joe has been the head gardener here for many years.'' 19/06/22 11:02:36	1 17
It keeps him in trim. --John Glover
	''This kind of behaviour in public doesn't bother me. I just turn a blind eye to it.'' 04/05/22 19:11:54	1 17

	''There used to be nine members of staff until I let one go.'' 15/11/21 20:01:57	17

	''Oh no! There's a leek in his nappy.'' 10/09/21 19:07:48	1 17
"Did you take a leek, or are you just happy to see me?" --Willie Johnson
	clever ''How did Polly get out of her cage?'' ''She used the escape key.'' 09/06/21 11:24:46	2 17
But she ended back where she started when she hit return. --Willie Johnson
	clever ''I can't understand why you worry so much about pandemics. We're always the first to get the vaccine.'' 06/04/21 11:32:19	4 17
"Your votes are still climbing" - like monkeys. --Willie Johnson
	She works in the intensive scare unit. 31/03/21 7:37:42	17

	creative ''Hurry up. The tooth is killing me.'' 16/03/21 8:01:15	2 17
Only at 2:30. --Molly R
	creative BREAKING NEWS: Daisy's second lunar mission ends in failure. (But the little dog still has a good laugh) 16/02/21 20:02:51	3 17
A moo launch? --Glyn Evans
	Meals On Wheels 14/12/20 8:00:12	17

	''I'm very confident of future growth.'' 26/09/20 11:21:39	17

	lol BREAKING NEWS: Kangaroo leap frog champion suffers setback in first round. 24/08/20 11:08:19	17

	Reese with her spoon 18/12/19 8:27:59	17

	''You're the most beautiful girl I've ever seen.'' ''Get some glasses.'' 30/10/19 8:16:23	17

	She may be Maiden America but the flag was probably maiden China. 28/07/19 11:14:04	17

	lol IAAF ban South African women's relay team. 03/05/19 19:03:33	17

	Primer donnas 06/09/18 11:13:13	17

	''Since taking anabollic steroids, I've had a new Lisa life.'' 22/08/18 19:46:45	17

	''Is there anything you miss about Jamaica?'' 30/12/22 12:01:03	16

	''Bloody typical. You go to the toilet and when you get back some wanker has taken your seat.'' 11/12/22 20:08:25, edited: 11/12/22 20:16:31	16

	''Dave usually sits on cans in the kitchen. He doesn't like the draught in the living room.'' 10/12/22 8:18:26, edited: 10/12/22 8:21:30	16

	''Have you got the pot ready? I've spotted Matt Hancock.'' 10/11/22 8:11:59	16

	Forest Dump 04/11/22 20:01:45	16

	''I don't like The Simpsons, dad. What's on the other side?'' 09/10/22 11:32:25	16

	''Can we try somewhere else? I've got a bad feeling about this care home.'' 25/09/22 7:52:30	16

	''It must be a Michelin restaurant.'' 19/09/22 7:06:13	16

	''I don't think you're going to make it as a haidresser, Dave, but I do have a guy here from the village who needs his cottage thatching.'' 18/06/22 7:25:21	16

	''And that's how you work out your caption quota.'' 04/06/22 7:13:51	16

	lol ALARM CLOCK RINGS ''It's twelve o’clock, luv. Can you keep yourself going for a few minutes while I go and post a caption?'' 14/05/22 11:00:55	1 16
Been there, done that. --James Lennox
	''Are prostate problems wrecking your confidence when urinating? Do your mates call you The Dribbler? If so, try attaching our new superjet nozzle and you too can pee like a twenty-year-old again. Walk down memory lane and piss over the five-barred gate at the end of it. Send for the superjet nozzle now and get free delivery: Only £299.00 while stocks last. This offer is not available in any shop.'' 18/04/22 7:30:22	16

	🎵 It's my party and I'll lie if I want to 🎵 09/12/21 8:51:27	1 16
Everyone knows that Allegra has goneShe duly wept for her crimeWhy were they holding a bashWith cheese and presents and wine? --Glad You Remember
	''We had to abandon the race. When the greyhounds saw him they wouldn't come out of the traps.'' 29/05/21 7:03:15	2 16
Simple fix: put him behind the greyhounds. --Willie Johnson
	''E = mc2. I've cracked it!'' 21/05/21 19:00:09	16

	''I'm booking you.......for the Inspector's stag do.'' 10/05/21 19:30:05	16

	The captioneers' keep fit group meets every morning at 8.00am. 10/05/21 7:09:10	1 16
Mental gymnastics. --Willie Johnson
	She is obviously not in favour of PC. 09/05/21 7:00:09	16

	clever ''Where are you?'' ''Outside the Black Boy Hotel, Sarge.'' ''Don't try and be funny, Constable. Just call it the police station.'' 05/04/21 11:17:11	7 16
I almost want to give you a supervote for this one, but it's too close to a painful truth (which isn't funny). --Willie Johnson
	''I only bought the jumper three months ago and it's already too small for him. Kids grow up so quick these days.'' 31/03/21 19:24:28	16

	lol ''Who are those f-cking wierdos?'' ''They're captioneers, Fester.'' 15/01/21 20:23:27	1 16
Some of their captions are festering... --Mauris Iocus
	Mr Potato Dead 13/10/20 19:00:26	16

	''I told you to move the car before they started painting the white lines.'' 25/09/20 11:00:09	16

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