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	This Week			Last Week			All Time
	Added	Score	Rank	Added	Score	Rank	Added	Score	Rank
Captions	26	33	#11	41	95	#4	4167	7195	#18
Comments	1	2	#6	1	2	#6	92	116	#31
Forum Posts	3						7

Chris Keegan

signed up: 2 years, 1 month ago
profile viewed: 12 time(s) this week
caption quota: 55
votes given since joining: 2,474
super vote quota: 16

profile photos send private message captions comments received

"Marriage is a wonderful invention; but then again so is a bicycle repair kit.” - Billy Connolly

Location: Windsor

To send a private message to Chris please log in

captions

£50
WINNER

Reports are coming in stating Theresa May is back in Brussels making one last push to get a Brexit deal…

13/03/19 12:20:20

So that's why she had a sore throat.. --stone face

"Come on officer, I was only doing a fraction over"

17/09/18 11:00:08

The final episode of Peppa Pig

02/11/17 8:14:09

Convenience food.

21/04/19 13:14:53

When I suddenly saw this in the road I had to break fast.

05/03/19 8:00:15

"I'll have the table cloth please"

10/02/19 9:57:28

This was a tough pic. Well done. --James Lennox

No wonder it's tired, it came in at twenty to one.

16/12/18 12:00:20

I find it odd. --Scrappy Doo

15/04/18 19:04:11

Cash test dummies

12/05/19 19:21:22

"Borrow the car? Oh Philip, you do make one laugh sometimes"

16/02/19 12:00:07

It's a studio apartment.

26/04/18 7:00:11

“Darling, when I suggested putting a Garland in the window I was actually thinking of something a bit more Christmassy”

06/12/19 12:00:49

£50
WINNER

Oh Jeeezus, that was a mistake drying off the puppies in the microwave...

08/10/19 7:24:53

A genuine laugh out loud moment for me. Well done, Chris. By the way, I've heard the RSPCA will be paying you a visit later. --Vivvy En

Jack Knickerless

24/06/19 11:54:05

Panting by numbers

02/01/19 16:33:06

“It’s a lemon entry my dear Watson”

18/12/18 12:00:41

Reader's Digest

17/12/18 20:00:10

“Not tonight love, I've got a monumental headache”

29/11/18 12:02:47

"...mind if I grab your ASpirin?" --Greg Curtis

"Where's gran?"
- "I think she popped out for a hare cut"

11/11/19 8:00:22

Apparently it's a house full of squatters.

21/10/19 19:02:17

"For goodness sake Colin, you and your bloody obsession for taking road kill home..."

26/09/19 7:05:13

Lol --The Wolf

Bob Dylan videos aren't what they used to be..

06/06/19 8:23:56

"I suppose a blue job is out of the question?"

03/06/19 21:16:27

Happy hour wasn’t going well.

11/03/19 12:09:06

The Hound of Music

17/12/18 8:02:21

Took the mother in law out last night. First punch.

30/09/18 19:11:16

And I'm fryer tuck!

26/02/18 20:02:46

I don't usually do the dogs but I put a monkey on this one

23/02/18 20:11:31

30/05/19 7:00:10

He's a sh*t guitarist, but you should see him playing tennis

04/05/19 14:48:55

Love this --Mr Dome

The firing squad clearly have a sense of humour.

11/04/19 11:34:28

Beach trampolines - £5 for 5 minutes. Warning - Do not exceed your time.

06/04/19 8:06:37

It looks like Jones has scored.

11/03/19 8:06:13

"And would Sir like aperitif to go with your meal?"

19/11/18 20:01:18

Staff bullying should not be tolerated

15/10/18 11:00:12

Once again Gary was keen to illustrate how we are just one tiny part of the galaxy

29/06/18 20:21:07

Madame Tussauds reveal waxwork commissioned by The White House. So far it has successfully attended 2 summits, 1 state occasion and a banquet without saying anything stupid.

30/08/19 9:57:08

Boris Johnson places an order. --Molly R

It was the Gillette condoms which gave me serious grief.

28/08/19 11:04:49

Julie was beginning to regret buying her bras from Amazon.

04/06/19 21:19:52

Darling, could you just put the landing light on?

22/03/19 20:04:26

Global warming - It turns out the butler did it.

19/11/18 12:00:10

Don't you just hate it when things from Amazon are left outside?

13/10/18 8:11:35

Further tests reveal smoking definitely stunts growth

11/10/18 7:00:50

Darling, have you seen my Good Housekeeping mag anywhere?

09/08/18 7:09:35

“Darling, just to let you know, I’m bringing someone back for dinner tonight”

06/08/18 11:00:20

Black Friday and the wife is spending the whole bloody day online….

24/11/17 12:16:43

She's attempting to kick the habit.

10/10/19 19:00:10

"Why the short face??"

19/07/19 7:00:34

Old. Fashioned.

04/05/19 7:14:34

"Darren, when I asked you to put the TV on...."

22/01/19 20:00:08

I just find at this time of year my colander gets really busy

19/12/18 20:01:32

No batteries required

12/10/18 7:00:11

Drawing eyes on a banana with a felt-tip pen so that it looks like a dolphin is very amusing and it gives me someone to talk to! --Karyn Harrison

It 's ever since i started them on Winalot.

22/08/18 7:13:01

05/08/18 7:00:11

Jesus, I really did upset her this time

13/06/18 7:06:42

06/05/18 11:00:07

Guys, 4 passengers is the max I'm allowed..what do you think this is..a bloody Tardis??

25/04/18 19:02:29

Fowling the pavement

05/11/17 21:17:57

It would seem we've signed a new player...

20/11/19 8:00:25

After years of searching it was clear that I had discovered why bears sh*t in the woods.

25/10/19 7:01:46

09/08/19 20:33:36

"Quick Dave! Pull your trigger!!!"

26/05/19 7:34:33

"Yes love, it does"

02/04/19 11:02:41

Jesus Christ love, we're only going down the pub for a quick half!

21/01/19 20:06:32

And how was your Bernard Matthews turkey?

27/12/18 10:11:02

I laughed because I had both "bootiful" and "tough as old boots" pop into my head at the same instant! --Molly R

Good old Dave, he spent so long attempting to chip his ball out of the bunker he moved in.

20/11/18 13:50:19

It took me a while to get through that beer but the wife's Christmas present is sorted.

28/10/18 20:02:47

Come on guys, you can clearly see he was down first when the music stopped

03/10/18 19:00:24

At least we were spared the photo of him in the dump truck

30/09/18 11:00:42

James Exceled at swimming.

29/09/18 19:09:59

15/09/18 7:26:44

I personally didn't like their kitchen but it takes allsorts...

21/11/17 8:16:32

"I'm afraid Sarah won't be in today, she's caught some sort of bug"

03/12/19 8:00:12

It was just enough of a distraction for Chris to help himself to the bench.

27/11/19 20:01:59

Maybe he should be called Rob? --Willie Johnson

I wouldn't say she's spoiled but that's her dolls house in the background.

13/11/19 8:11:09

21/10/19 7:04:41

Apparently Landfill went the extra mile and scored in the last minute.

04/10/19 11:00:09

And three other signs went to the landfill. --Willie Johnson

The young newlyweds are clearly delighted to eventually be back home following their Thomas Cook break.

25/09/19 7:02:25

"So how often are these horrendous nose bleeds?"
- "About once a month"

29/07/19 19:09:36

This kinda joking has to stop, PERIOD. --Greg Curtis

I wish I'd been arrested while walking down the aisle.....

21/05/19 9:36:13

Pete's waiting for his swimming coach

27/04/19 11:24:20

"This is unusual Mrs Jones, it's usually your husband I pick up with some bird"

25/04/19 19:08:37

"Sorry love, I just can't make up my mind. Can you try the flying ducks again?"

13/04/19 18:02:22

What a fab idea, sham poo on tap.

01/03/19 8:21:53

Meanwhile, at the County Fair, the 'guess my dress size' attraction was proving popular.

21/02/19 12:11:06

Following increased security, Police foil suspected terrorist gang.

02/02/19 20:33:04

"And that's why, at this point of every month, I start shouting at the two of you"

26/01/19 10:20:19

13/01/19 12:54:37

Gardeners World Raining Champion.

05/12/18 20:00:44

Cat on a hot bin roof

21/11/18 8:00:07

It's a brick wall son, a bit like talking to your father.

20/10/18 7:06:54

"You'll never guess who I bumped into today while having a fag break"
- "Who?"
"Everyone"

14/09/18 12:07:20

"Errr, guys, sorry you'er not quite in the centre..it's just a jump to the left"...

23/05/18 7:00:28

This morning a TV crew forced their way into a flat. It's break in news.

26/04/18 7:22:28

Darling...don't you think it's time to cut the lawn..

23/03/18 12:09:29

A night on the tiles

02/03/18 12:05:03

Alternatively: a mite on the tiles --Dave Bryan

"Have you seen that new film about UFO's?"
"No, but I've seen the trailer"

10/02/18 12:09:18

06/12/17 16:02:06

At this point I thought it best to lay off the pot for a while.

23/10/19 7:17:15

Yes sir, it is a tad warm, shall we open some windows?

19/10/19 11:20:21

Beth's clearly lost some weight, it was only last month I saw her wearing a sofa.

18/10/19 9:28:54

Carlo's never had an accident but he's been involved in a few close shaves.

13/09/19 19:01:54

You're not looking at birds online again are you?

06/09/19 11:02:16

"Guys, do you think you could possibly stagger your fag breaks?"

31/07/19 7:09:41

A splendid example of the theory of gravititty.

03/06/19 11:00:16

Sorry, no caption from me, I don’t accept cookies.

13/05/19 11:29:13

Good grief. A cyclist that's actually gone through a green.

23/03/19 12:37:10

The Vend is Nigh

10/01/19 21:28:24

I'm telling you, you don't want to mess with the traffic wardens round here...

04/12/18 12:30:13

May I suggest that health and safety within sport has got a little over ambitious.

20/11/18 8:02:16

By jove! He's got some LED in his pencil!

06/10/18 12:04:46

A passing hand Sheik

13/09/18 19:00:12

Yeah, as it happens I'm a bit of a Marvel in the kitchen

05/09/18 19:17:06

06/08/18 7:02:14

They've been introduced for cyclists to avoid confusion. Apparently they both mean go.

07/06/18 11:00:43

Sorry it's a little under done, it kept switching the bloody gas off

26/05/18 8:07:07

I love the image this conjures up! :D --Pussy Galore

On reflection Dave wished he had held on to the zip wire

17/05/18 11:04:18

Brian has an obsession with the photography of head lice

31/03/18 7:43:59

31/01/18 20:18:32

Prince Andrew denies all knowledge of this photo.

17/11/19 20:54:41

of course...he was only 6 months old then --Dev B

I was actually hoping my mothers new chair lift would blend in with the decor a little more.

01/10/19 7:40:37

I have to say that I wasn't impressed with the range of merchandise at the Loch Ness gift shop.

28/09/19 11:20:59

An Officer and half a Gentleman

11/09/19 9:20:06

Johnny used to be a successful business man, the life and sole of the party and a real family man. Last year he signed up to Caption me.
Now failing in life he’s taken to hiding away 3 times a day so to come up with captions. Some weeks the lack of votes leads to heavy drinking and desperation.
I can’t imagine what he’s going through, poor Johnny.

09/09/19 11:04:55

¡¡uʍop ǝpısdn uƃıs ɐ dn sʇnd ʇoıpı ɟo ʇɹos ʇɐɥʍ

02/09/19 11:01:01

That's easy for you to say.. --stone face

Sign of being a heavy smoker.

25/08/19 12:44:46

"I'd help him across the road, but I can't swim"

19/06/19 19:06:08

Thanks Michael! --Chris Keegan

"Yes love, I know I promised to do the gardening while you were out, and yes, I've got the football on, but quite remarkably, just as I started, a bunch from The Royal Horticultural Society came by and said our weeds are of significant historical interest an sealed them off. Now, tell me more about this headache that suddenly developed last night?"

02/05/19 19:04:38

One minute she was tightening the air bag compartment, then....

09/03/19 18:15:11

A rare photograph from one of her B movies.

25/02/19 21:02:45

It's clear that some are travelling with one piece of hand baggage while wearing the contents of a bloody suitcase.

03/02/19 20:56:35

Oh, Victoria Beckham, you clever girl. :^) --Crunchy Chords

29/01/19 8:23:06

Shops like this should be condomed

19/01/19 14:09:36

"Darling, I think the dog wants to go out"

24/11/18 20:01:18

20/11/18 20:16:08

"Sarah love, are you still in the toilet?"

31/10/18 8:01:22

National Rail finally admit the temperature on board their trains during winter months may not be adequate

22/10/18 8:25:39

Darling, I think you may have overdone the fresh pine toilet cleaner

02/09/18 7:52:42

13/08/18 11:03:54

"Darling, when you organised it to be installed while I was away, are you sure you clearly said satellite DISH??"

10/06/18 11:07:11

"When you said it might be nice to have the neighbours round for supper.. "

03/06/18 11:00:08

Bloody right! They'll burn just as well.

15/05/18 7:00:09

They clearly don't keep off the grass..

24/03/18 14:04:30

Thank you for your application to work with us at Mothercare however on this occasion....

07/01/18 12:04:41

Bloody hell! And all I did was to put the toilet seat down for once!

08/12/17 8:07:07

07/12/17 20:01:41

"When I asked where he was from he just mumbled The Attic"

20/11/19 12:01:29

And so it is with regret I have to inform you that on this occasion you have failed to make the final selection for Love Island.

29/09/19 7:00:24

29/08/19 7:00:34

Oh dear, the end of another week and my instrument panel shows only 26 votes from my 78,998 captions and I'm running very low on humour.

03/08/19 11:01:45

All they wanted was to go home. Knight after Knight they went to bed in tiers.

23/05/19 11:11:13

Darling, Rex is at it yet again, could you ring my mobile and make his day.

19/05/19 7:21:14

17/05/19 11:41:59

11/05/19 11:10:37

"Gran, when I said you need to Spice up your life..."

04/05/19 7:29:42

"You and your bloody dyslexia...I told you to get a new loo seat from
M & S!!!"

24/04/19 7:50:36

Dad hasn't quite got the hang of rock, paper, scissors yet.

20/03/19 8:18:38

It's a monument to the very spot where I met my beloved wife. I thought it was only fair that others should have a chance of being under it.

19/03/19 18:48:07

He did such a good job clearing up I gave him a tip.

16/03/19 12:04:28

“Hi Darling, did you get my note about letting the cat out and changing the baby?”
- “SHIT!!”

15/03/19 12:37:38

"Bless him, he rocks himself to sleep most nights"

09/02/19 12:01:12

"I knew there was something different, you've had highlights"

21/01/19 20:09:30

Welcome to the Department of Equal Opportunities

14/01/19 8:19:12

♪ Ohhhh, we do like to be beside the seaslide ♪ ♪

22/11/18 12:00:06

Initally I didn't get it, but we do seem to be playing better since Wayne Sleep came in as manager.

23/10/18 7:02:07

Good old Essex girls. So often found wearing jeans around their ankles.

16/10/18 19:00:08

"Well hello girls...fancy coming back to mine? The sink's blocked"

15/10/18 19:01:41

Alcoholics anonymous

15/10/18 7:03:28

Good old Mr Wallace. He was such an enthusiastic teacher he constantly wanted to be the first to answer his own questions.

09/10/18 19:01:13

it's the "Good old Mr Wallace" that makes this caption. --Charles Gleason

"I guess I've just got that sixth sense Sarg, there are definitely signs that suggest this could kick off."

27/09/18 7:00:31

Everyone is hoping that Grimsby’s Christmas lights will be a little better this year

07/06/18 12:30:54

Kevin drank to forget. But couldn't remember why.

29/04/18 11:54:24

18/03/18 20:03:06

Ouch...that was some club last night

18/03/18 12:14:48

13/02/18 8:27:28

Sorry sir...This area is coned off

09/02/18 8:03:02

Please God, be a Christmas jumper.

Sun 8:53:13

Eventually, after purchasing 57,457 issues of Model Railway magazine Dave was near to completing his very own Flying Scotsman.

Sat 15:32:17

It's ever since that bloody policeman confiscated my frying pan...

05/12/19 8:00:21

"No darling, what I actually said was please add garlic to the shank"

01/11/19 21:22:44

DISPLAY MANNEQUINS FOR SALE – 90% OFF!!!

23/10/19 12:30:06

"And that's the last bloody time you stain my windows!"

18/10/19 20:28:02

"Would you look at that!! It's pouring outside"

05/10/19 11:00:08

"Come on Smith, where the hell did you hide my green T Shirt??!!!"

21/08/19 19:36:59

Archeologists discover Grimsby. Apparently, apart from Woolworths closing down and a few more charity shops nothing has changed for over 2000 years.

08/08/19 19:47:25

Bugger, it's her shout

24/07/19 19:08:33

When I said make yourself comfortable....

08/07/19 19:11:48

There's a first, the Green Party are a head

14/06/19 20:05:04

She’s usually a particularly well behaved guide dog, but when the bride assured Mark that she was down to a stunning size 12 for the big day Coco seemed somewhat amused

01/05/19 11:01:59

French Police are being condemned for the over use of water cannons on demonstrators in Paris.

21/03/19 8:02:45

“How will I recognise you?”

28/01/19 10:20:53

Apparently he cut himself saving

12/01/19 19:05:28

"So Tom, what do you think of your new Step Dad"?

17/10/18 11:00:25

That bloody cop tried to stop me again last night, cheeky bugger shouted pullover! I haven’t even finished his scarf yet.

15/08/18 12:28:50

I'm beginning to seriously regret sending my daughter to bookkeeping classes.

30/06/18 8:02:27

My wife has SO many pairs of shoes, she must have hundreds and thousands.

28/05/18 8:22:32

Gillette recall their new 32 blade razor due to customer complaints

04/04/18 19:47:01

21/03/18 12:05:19

12/03/18 8:05:12

When swimming with sharks one should always take precautions

10/03/18 8:11:23

last comments (total: 301)

I thought Anna conned her.

[anon]

18/11/19
8:20pm

comment on caption:
When asked how he made a fortune from his ex wife's hat wear business Terry simply stated "I conned her " [Chris Keegan]

It says "LEFT"? Is that because he plays left out?

20/11/19
8:40am

comment on caption:
And he's got RIGHT on the other [Chris Keegan]

Sorry, no returns.

[anon]

20/11/19
9:16am

comment on caption:
It would seem we've signed a new player... [Chris Keegan]

Maybe he should be called Rob?

27/11/19
11:44pm

comment on caption:
It was just enough of a distraction for Chris to help himself to the bench. [Chris Keegan]

But will it fit under his coat?

[anon]

28/11/19
7:08am

comment on caption:
It was just enough of a distraction for Chris to help himself to the bench. [Chris Keegan]

I'm sure she will live long and prosper.

[anon]

28/11/19
8:58am

comment on caption:
Sue put her first win down to her Vulcan diet [Chris Keegan]

Think the artful dodger should go back to handkerchiefs.

28/11/19
8:42pm

comment on caption:
It was just enough of a distraction for Chris to help himself to the bench. [Chris Keegan]

I feel like this would work better if you changed 'foul' to 'fowl'.

29/11/19
12:17pm

comment on caption:
For using fowl language. [Chris Keegan]

You're right, that's what I meant to do! Many thanks Karyn.

(caption author)

29/11/19
1:16pm

comment on caption:
For using fowl language. [Chris Keegan]

Don't mention it. Good caption.

29/11/19
1:34pm

comment on caption:
For using fowl language. [Chris Keegan]