Chris Keegan

"I'll have the table cloth please"

10/02/19 9:57:28

This was a tough pic. Well done. --James Lennox

No wonder it's tired, it came in at twenty to one.

16/12/18 12:00:20

I find it odd. --Scrappy Doo

lol x2

Stand up comic

15/04/18 20:04:11

"Borrow the car? Oh Philip, you do make one laugh sometimes"

16/02/19 12:00:07

clever x2

It's a studio apartment.

26/04/18 8:00:11

“It’s a lemon entry my dear Watson”

Panting by numbers

02/01/19 16:33:06

18/12/18 12:00:41

Reader's Digest

17/12/18 20:00:10

“Not tonight love, I've got a monumental headache”

29/11/18 12:02:47

"...mind if I grab your ASpirin?" --Greg Curtis

Happy hour wasn’t going well.

11/03/19 12:09:06

The Hound of Music

17/12/18 8:02:21

Took the mother in law out last night. First punch.

30/09/18 20:11:16

And I'm fryer tuck!

26/02/18 20:02:46

I don't usually do the dogs but I put a monkey on this one

23/02/18 20:11:31

The firing squad clearly have a sense of humour.

11/04/19 12:34:28

Beach trampolines - £5 for 5 minutes. Warning - Do not exceed your time.

06/04/19 9:06:37

It looks like Jones has scored.

11/03/19 8:06:13

"And would Sir like aperitif to go with your meal?"

19/11/18 20:01:18

Staff bullying should not be tolerated

15/10/18 12:00:12

Once again Gary was keen to illustrate how we are just one tiny part of the galaxy

29/06/18 21:21:07

Darling, could you just put the landing light on?

22/03/19 20:04:26

Global warming - It turns out the butler did it.

19/11/18 12:00:10

Don't you just hate it when things from Amazon are left outside?

13/10/18 9:11:35

Further tests reveal smoking definitely stunts growth

11/10/18 8:00:50

Darling, have you seen my Good Housekeeping mag anywhere?

09/08/18 8:09:35

“Darling, just to let you know, I’m bringing someone back for dinner tonight”

06/08/18 12:00:20

Black Friday and the wife is spending the whole bloody day online….

24/11/17 12:16:43

"Darren, when I asked you to put the TV on...."

22/01/19 20:00:08

I just find at this time of year my colander gets really busy

19/12/18 20:01:32

No batteries required

12/10/18 8:00:11

Drawing eyes on a banana with a felt-tip pen so that it looks like a dolphin is very amusing and it gives me someone to talk to! --Karyn Harrison

It 's ever since i started them on Winalot.

22/08/18 8:13:01

Peeking Duck

05/08/18 8:00:11

Jesus, I really did upset her this time

13/06/18 8:06:42

Igloo

06/05/18 12:00:07

Guys, 4 passengers is the max I'm allowed..what do you think this is..a bloody Tardis??

25/04/18 20:02:29

05/11/17 21:17:57

02/04/19 12:02:41

Jesus Christ love, we're only going down the pub for a quick half!

21/01/19 20:06:32

And how was your Bernard Matthews turkey?

27/12/18 10:11:02

I laughed because I had both "bootiful" and "tough as old boots" pop into my head at the same instant! --Molly R

Good old Dave, he spent so long attempting to chip his ball out of the bunker he moved in.

20/11/18 13:50:19

It took me a while to get through that beer but the wife's Christmas present is sorted.

28/10/18 20:02:47

Come on guys, you can clearly see he was down first when the music stopped

03/10/18 20:00:24

At least we were spared the photo of him in the dump truck

30/09/18 12:00:42

James Exceled at swimming.

29/09/18 20:09:59

Dinner Date

15/09/18 8:26:44

I personally didn't like their kitchen but it takes allsorts...

21/11/17 8:16:32

"Sorry love, I just can't make up my mind. Can you try the flying ducks again?"

13/04/19 19:02:22

What a fab idea, sham poo on tap.

01/03/19 8:21:53

Meanwhile, at the County Fair, the 'guess my dress size' attraction was proving popular.

21/02/19 12:11:06

Following increased security, Police foil suspected terrorist gang.

02/02/19 20:33:04

"And that's why, at this point of every month, I start shouting at the two of you"

26/01/19 10:20:19

Gardeners World Raining Champion.

Foot, Sea, 100

13/01/19 12:54:37

05/12/18 20:00:44

Cat on a hot bin roof

21/11/18 8:00:07

It's a brick wall son, a bit like talking to your father.

20/10/18 8:06:54

"You'll never guess who I bumped into today while having a fag break"
- "Who?"
"Everyone"

14/09/18 13:07:20

"Errr, guys, sorry you'er not quite in the centre..it's just a jump to the left"...

23/05/18 8:00:28

This morning a TV crew forced their way into a flat. It's break in news.

26/04/18 8:22:28

Darling...don't you think it's time to cut the lawn..

23/03/18 12:09:29

A night on the tiles

02/03/18 12:05:03

Alternatively: a mite on the tiles --Dave Bryan

"Have you seen that new film about UFO's?"
"No, but I've seen the trailer"

10/02/18 12:09:18

Heavy Petting

06/12/17 16:02:06

Good grief. A cyclist that's actually gone through a green.

23/03/19 12:37:10

The Vend is Nigh

10/01/19 21:28:24

I'm telling you, you don't want to mess with the traffic wardens round here...

04/12/18 12:30:13

May I suggest that health and safety within sport has got a little over ambitious.

20/11/18 8:02:16

By jove! He's got some LED in his pencil!

06/10/18 13:04:46

A passing hand Sheik

13/09/18 20:00:12

Yeah, as it happens I'm a bit of a Marvel in the kitchen

05/09/18 20:17:06

Law and Order

06/08/18 8:02:14

They've been introduced for cyclists to avoid confusion. Apparently they both mean go.

07/06/18 12:00:43

Sorry it's a little under done, it kept switching the bloody gas off

clever x2

26/05/18 9:07:07

I love the image this conjures up! :D --Pussy Galore

On reflection Dave wished he had held on to the zip wire

17/05/18 12:04:18

Brian has an obsession with the photography of head lice

31/03/18 8:43:59

Slut Machine

31/01/18 20:18:32

One minute she was tightening the air bag compartment, then....

09/03/19 18:15:11

A rare photograph from one of her B movies.

25/02/19 21:02:45

It's clear that some are travelling with one piece of hand baggage while wearing the contents of a bloody suitcase.

03/02/19 20:56:35

Oh, Victoria Beckham, you clever girl. :^) --Crunchy Chords

Cape Horn

29/01/19 8:23:06

Shops like this should be condomed

19/01/19 14:09:36

"Darling, I think the dog wants to go out"

24/11/18 20:01:18

French flys

20/11/18 20:16:08

"Sarah love, are you still in the toilet?"

31/10/18 8:01:22

National Rail finally admit the temperature on board their trains during winter months may not be adequate

22/10/18 9:25:39

Darling, I think you may have overdone the fresh pine toilet cleaner

02/09/18 8:52:42

A Gran Day Out

13/08/18 12:03:54

"Darling, when you organised it to be installed while I was away, are you sure you clearly said satellite DISH??"

10/06/18 12:07:11

"When you said it might be nice to have the neighbours round for supper.. "

03/06/18 12:00:08

Bloody right! They'll burn just as well.

15/05/18 8:00:09

They clearly don't keep off the grass..

24/03/18 14:04:30

Thank you for your application to work with us at Mothercare however on this occasion....

07/01/18 12:04:41

Bloody hell! And all I did was to put the toilet seat down for once!

08/12/17 8:07:07

Furrari

07/12/17 20:01:41

Dad hasn't quite got the hang of rock, paper, scissors yet.

20/03/19 8:18:38

It's a monument to the very spot where I met my beloved wife. I thought it was only fair that others should have a chance of being under it.

19/03/19 18:48:07

He did such a good job clearing up I gave him a tip.

16/03/19 12:04:28

“Hi Darling, did you get my note about letting the cat out and changing the baby?”
- “SHIT!!”

15/03/19 12:37:38

"Bless him, he rocks himself to sleep most nights"

09/02/19 12:01:12

"I knew there was something different, you've had highlights"

21/01/19 20:09:30

Welcome to the Department of Equal Opportunities

14/01/19 8:19:12

♪ Ohhhh, we do like to be beside the seaslide ♪ ♪

22/11/18 12:00:06

Initally I didn't get it, but we do seem to be playing better since Wayne Sleep came in as manager.

23/10/18 8:02:07

Good old Essex girls. So often found wearing jeans around their ankles.

16/10/18 20:00:08

"Well hello girls...fancy coming back to mine? The sink's blocked"

15/10/18 20:01:41

Alcoholics anonymous

15/10/18 8:03:28

Good old Mr Wallace. He was such an enthusiastic teacher he constantly wanted to be the first to answer his own questions.

09/10/18 20:01:13

it's the "Good old Mr Wallace" that makes this caption. --Charles Gleason

"I guess I've just got that sixth sense Sarg, there are definitely signs that suggest this could kick off."

27/09/18 8:00:31

Everyone is hoping that Grimsby’s Christmas lights will be a little better this year

07/06/18 13:30:54

Kevin drank to forget. But couldn't remember why.

29/04/18 12:54:24

Seacrets

18/03/18 20:03:06

Ouch...that was some club last night

18/03/18 12:14:48

Law and Odour

13/02/18 8:27:28

Sorry sir...This area is coned off

09/02/18 8:03:02

French Police are being condemned for the over use of water cannons on demonstrators in Paris.

21/03/19 8:02:45

“How will I recognise you?”

28/01/19 10:20:53

Apparently he cut himself saving

12/01/19 19:05:28

"So Tom, what do you think of your new Step Dad"?

17/10/18 12:00:25

That bloody cop tried to stop me again last night, cheeky bugger shouted pullover! I haven’t even finished his scarf yet.

15/08/18 13:28:50

I'm beginning to seriously regret sending my daughter to bookkeeping classes.

30/06/18 9:02:27

My wife has SO many pairs of shoes, she must have hundreds and thousands.

28/05/18 9:22:32

Gillette recall their new 32 blade razor due to customer complaints

04/04/18 20:47:01

When swimming with sharks one should always take precautions

Dead Sheeran

21/03/18 12:05:19

Bugsy Alone

12/03/18 8:05:12

10/03/18 8:11:23

I immediately recognised the challenge of getting on with the in laws

29/01/18 8:07:02

It's a Toy-ota

09/01/18 8:12:48

Mad Maxine

23/12/17 13:17:44

I've woken up with worse - said the cat.

01/04/19 8:39:40

I guess, as erections go, it could have been worse.

19/03/19 12:42:27

Ralph Lauren clearly recognise that their customer base is ageing by providing crutches for browsing.

27/02/19 9:32:40

“And Adams hits the deck after a monumental blow to the head…”

26/02/19 12:00:46

Paul's diet half killed him.

25/02/19 8:00:54

Apparently it's Leslie Phillips place

15/02/19 12:00:10

Ding dong! --Dave Bryan

Bridget wasn't convinced she wanted to marry him. She needed to be shore.

19/01/19 9:02:40

“What’s your handicap Dave?”
- “I keep falling off”

07/01/19 12:03:40

“When I said I’m on my way, you can put the dinner on….”

03/01/19 12:00:34

It's so good to see Simon coming out of his shell.

02/01/19 20:00:11

So did Santa leave anything nice in your stocking this year Dave?

29/12/18 12:50:02

There's much controversy over the new cycle lanes for mountain bikers.

15/12/18 9:44:17

IT'S FRIDAY!!!!!

08/12/18 12:01:41

They're actually a Heavy Metal Band.

01/12/18 12:03:16

This does not reflect well.

28/10/18 13:00:41

Thanks - I like that very much more! --Molly R

Toys WeЯe Us.

18/10/18 20:00:08

Sod the bloody car...where's my dog going to piss in the morning??

13/10/18 20:14:50

Darling, I know you've always done it, but isn't it about time to stop taking her out on Mother's Day?

11/10/18 20:02:12

He's the groom.

26/09/18 20:00:11

It really is quite tragic, they all died from a stroke.

06/09/18 12:00:27

It 's a tad extreme but Pablo never suffered from constipation again.

22/07/18 10:03:27

I'm forever telling her she looks like a real tit going out with oven her gloves on

11/06/18 20:00:06

cat a pillar

21/05/18 8:00:08

Pete was desperately looking forward to happy hour.

29/04/18 12:32:18

Found this old photo of the wife the other day...I must admit that I had forgotten just how much she suited a waist and jaw line.

27/04/18 8:11:58

clever x2

Staff room

27/03/18 8:10:08

Disappointment when all of England's aging hurdle team stall at the first jump

15/02/18 8:34:34

Or maybe they have - from a defibrillator? --Mr Dome

Acting on a tip off

13/02/18 8:13:06

That's weired

04/02/18 20:01:31

UB 40, 50, 60, 70 and 80.

29/01/18 20:59:19

Typical...you wait all day for a message then 3 come along together

20/01/18 14:40:06

Polar bear Saturn a rock

23/12/17 8:10:54

Mary was absolutely delighted with her Christmas jumper

10/12/17 12:22:32

Sally eventually realised she wasn’t going to get much business standing next to a no entry sign

06/12/17 20:45:42

Jack often went out alone just to escape a full house...

30/11/17 13:10:02

This brought back such wonderful memories for Edith, pleasing Harry while reading the paper.

Thu 12:59:20

It was all going so well until that bloody spider appeared.

27/03/19 12:11:01

I'm so pleased you enjoyed your meal, I see the pork made an impression.

16/03/19 20:13:38

You should have seen this place last night, it was overflowing with dick heads.

05/03/19 15:12:59

Hardly Davidson.

20/02/19 12:00:10

The bad news is your leg is broken. On the plus side, tying your shoelace will be a lot easier.

19/02/19 12:03:11

"It doesn't so much put the flames out, but you will attract a whole bunch of firemen"

15/02/19 8:42:47

"For God's sake David, will you just change her bloody nappy!"

31/01/19 12:00:21

suoıʇdɐɔ ǝʇıɹʍ oʇ pǝʇɹɐʇs puɐ ǝɔıʌpɐ ɹǝɥ ʞooʇ ı

18/01/19 16:51:37

It nice to have an Australian captioneer aboard.. --stone face

It was tragic, Zoe was happily on her dad's shoulders when he walked into the sinking sand.

17/01/19 12:02:54

Puss, having been in Boots

02/01/19 8:00:07

Best served with Walls Ice Cream

23/12/18 20:03:16

"It's not all bad working here, most nights you pull a few blondes"

03/12/18 8:00:08

"How did the horse riding go?"

30/11/18 8:06:13

This conjures up so much in so few words. --Pussy Galore

Happy Meal

19/11/18 20:00:09

That meal is a little too happy. --Scrappy Doo

They all played their part in rolling it. It was a joint effort.

25/10/18 12:00:09

Hi there, funnily enough, I was going to change Joint Effort as I'd clocked your caption but it got a vote before I could. I'll happily delete it if you'd like to change yours as it makes no difference to me. Love the irony though of separate c... --Glyn Evans

He's doing ok, apparently he gets a full skate pension.

04/10/18 20:01:11

"I'm going to park just here..brace yourself Rodney"

21/09/18 8:06:41

Lenny took up netball after a long stretch in prison.

11/09/18 8:00:51

Helmets. The best thing since sliced bread.

29/07/18 10:27:19

It's a shit zoo

22/05/18 8:01:17

Take a seat Mr Smith, now what seems to be the problem?

21/05/18 12:14:07

This reminds me so much of the time my daughter dislocated and fractured her kneecap. She returned to the fracture clinic on crutches, encased in plaster from ankle to thigh, and the doctor said, "I understand you've hurt your wrist?" You cer... --Pussy Galore

Mary's lawnmower wasn't working. It sucks.

02/05/18 8:00:43

Rather embarrassingly for the hotel, the Pope was forced to eat a fish supper in his room.

26/04/18 20:02:50

I tried to call her but she was constantly encaged.

22/04/18 12:01:16

01/04/18 20:10:46

29/03/18 8:02:18

19/03/18 8:10:32

13/03/18 12:05:23

They used to be Morris Men but BMW bought them out.

12/03/18 20:41:23

I asked if I could help but she said she was just looking..

05/03/18 20:27:51

Day after day the school run was starting to become a real marathon

23/02/18 12:12:54

It was once a fort knight

12/02/18 8:15:09

I think this caption is two week :) --Mr Dome