Chris Keegan

When I suddenly saw this in the road I had to break fast.

clever x3

Convenience food.

21/04/19 13:14:53

05/03/19 8:00:15

"I'll have the table cloth please"

10/02/19 9:57:28

This was a tough pic. Well done. --James Lennox

No wonder it's tired, it came in at twenty to one.

16/12/18 12:00:20

I find it odd. --Scrappy Doo

lol x2

Stand up comic

15/04/18 19:04:11

Cash test dummies

12/05/19 19:21:22

"Borrow the car? Oh Philip, you do make one laugh sometimes"

16/02/19 12:00:07

clever x2

It's a studio apartment.

26/04/18 7:00:11

lol x2

This is incredible , if you screw your eyes up, tilt your head slightly to one side and totally concentrate on the image, after about 5 minutes you’ll feel a sharp slap on the back of the head and the missus screaming “you’re not on that bloody caption thing again!”

14/01/20 12:17:31

That's a magic "Oi!" --Troompa Loompa

“Darling, when I suggested putting a Garland in the window I was actually thinking of something a bit more Christmassy”

06/12/19 12:00:49

£50
WINNER

Oh Jeeezus, that was a mistake drying off the puppies in the microwave...

08/10/19 7:24:53

A genuine laugh out loud moment for me. Well done, Chris. By the way, I've heard the RSPCA will be paying you a visit later. --Vivvy En

Jack Knickerless

24/06/19 11:54:05

“It’s a lemon entry my dear Watson”

Panting by numbers

02/01/19 16:33:06

18/12/18 12:00:41

Reader's Digest

17/12/18 20:00:10

“Not tonight love, I've got a monumental headache”

29/11/18 12:02:47

"...mind if I grab your ASpirin?" --Greg Curtis

"Where's gran?"
- "I think she popped out for a hare cut"

11/11/19 8:00:22

Apparently it's a house full of squatters.

21/10/19 19:02:17

"For goodness sake Colin, you and your bloody obsession for taking road kill home..."

26/09/19 7:05:13

Lol --The Wolf

lol x2

Bob Dylan videos aren't what they used to be..

06/06/19 8:23:56

"I suppose a blue job is out of the question?"

03/06/19 21:16:27

Happy hour wasn’t going well.

11/03/19 12:09:06

The Hound of Music

17/12/18 8:02:21

Took the mother in law out last night. First punch.

30/09/18 19:11:16

And I'm fryer tuck!

26/02/18 20:02:46

I don't usually do the dogs but I put a monkey on this one

23/02/18 20:11:31

Wicky Leaks

30/05/19 7:00:10

He's a sh*t guitarist, but you should see him playing tennis

04/05/19 14:48:55

Love this --Mr Dome

The firing squad clearly have a sense of humour.

11/04/19 11:34:28

Beach trampolines - £5 for 5 minutes. Warning - Do not exceed your time.

06/04/19 8:06:37

It looks like Jones has scored.

11/03/19 8:06:13

"And would Sir like aperitif to go with your meal?"

19/11/18 20:01:18

Staff bullying should not be tolerated

15/10/18 11:00:12

Once again Gary was keen to illustrate how we are just one tiny part of the galaxy

29/06/18 20:21:07

From this moment onwards Tina stopped playing on trampolines.

06/07/20 19:15:34

When the coffee shops eventually reopened Rex could only reminisce over his 6 daily walks.

09/05/20 13:04:36

Madame Tussauds reveal waxwork commissioned by The White House. So far it has successfully attended 2 summits, 1 state occasion and a banquet without saying anything stupid.

30/08/19 9:57:08

Boris Johnson places an order. --Molly R

It was the Gillette condoms which gave me serious grief.

28/08/19 11:04:49

clever x3

Julie was beginning to regret buying her bras from Amazon.

04/06/19 21:19:52

Darling, could you just put the landing light on?

22/03/19 20:04:26

Global warming - It turns out the butler did it.

19/11/18 12:00:10

Don't you just hate it when things from Amazon are left outside?

13/10/18 8:11:35

Further tests reveal smoking definitely stunts growth

11/10/18 7:00:50

Darling, have you seen my Good Housekeeping mag anywhere?

09/08/18 7:09:35

“Darling, just to let you know, I’m bringing someone back for dinner tonight”

06/08/18 11:00:20

Black Friday and the wife is spending the whole bloody day online….

24/11/17 12:16:43

"I really don't know where he got it from but it's everytime he's about to take off he's got to point out the emergency exits"

19/09/20 8:18:07

Brothels open up again, but you'll need more than a condom.

25/07/20 12:33:54

Consequently Sharon hasn't lost any knickers off the line in weeks

17/06/20 11:28:22

Dirty bitch hasn't washed any that's why. --Morgan .

Drowning Street

27/05/20 11:06:12

I was a little surprised when she asked, but I'm really hoping she likes the photo of my cock.

04/02/20 8:00:45

She's attempting to kick the habit.

10/10/19 19:00:10

"Why the short face??"

19/07/19 7:00:34

Old. Fashioned.

04/05/19 7:14:34

"Darren, when I asked you to put the TV on...."

22/01/19 20:00:08

I just find at this time of year my colander gets really busy

19/12/18 20:01:32

No batteries required

12/10/18 7:00:11

Drawing eyes on a banana with a felt-tip pen so that it looks like a dolphin is very amusing and it gives me someone to talk to! --Karyn Harrison

It 's ever since i started them on Winalot.

22/08/18 7:13:01

Peeking Duck

05/08/18 7:00:11

Jesus, I really did upset her this time

13/06/18 7:06:42

Igloo

06/05/18 11:00:07

Guys, 4 passengers is the max I'm allowed..what do you think this is..a bloody Tardis??

25/04/18 19:02:29

Fowling the pavement

05/11/17 21:17:57

They had a boy. Greyam.

22/09/20 11:01:56

Dave was devastated when his mum and dad suggested it was time he moved out.

02/07/20 7:07:42

Yet another blond moment strikes, Linda had an appointment to see the Doc.

26/06/20 11:24:50

Sainsburys are forced to close as a Tate and Lyle delivery goes horribly wrong.

17/01/20 9:13:05

Now in Cinemas - Frozen, number 2.

23/12/19 8:05:40

♪..the Red-Nosed Reindeer....♪

20/12/19 12:40:27

Don't know whether the lady's a Dancer or a Vixen! --Karyn Harrison

This wasn't what Malcolm expected when he joined the Army and was told he'd be posted abroad.

19/12/19 21:27:51

It would seem we've signed a new player...

20/11/19 8:00:25

After years of searching it was clear that I had discovered why bears sh*t in the woods.

25/10/19 7:01:46

Faulty Towers

09/08/19 20:33:36

"Quick Dave! Pull your trigger!!!"

26/05/19 7:34:33

"Yes love, it does"

02/04/19 11:02:41

Jesus Christ love, we're only going down the pub for a quick half!

21/01/19 20:06:32

And how was your Bernard Matthews turkey?

27/12/18 10:11:02

I laughed because I had both "bootiful" and "tough as old boots" pop into my head at the same instant! --Molly R

Good old Dave, he spent so long attempting to chip his ball out of the bunker he moved in.

20/11/18 13:50:19

It took me a while to get through that beer but the wife's Christmas present is sorted.

28/10/18 20:02:47

Come on guys, you can clearly see he was down first when the music stopped

03/10/18 19:00:24

At least we were spared the photo of him in the dump truck

30/09/18 11:00:42

James Exceled at swimming.

29/09/18 19:09:59

Dinner Date

15/09/18 7:26:44

I personally didn't like their kitchen but it takes allsorts...

21/11/17 8:16:32

There have been calls for this statue to be removed. Apparently he was a sh*thead.

07/07/20 7:17:52

Dave's intense fear of flying was being pleasantly distracted by walking round an abandoned asylum killing zombies with an axe.

09/06/20 11:20:41

I'm not surprised he's knackered, he came in at twenty to one this morning.

01/02/20 15:58:13

One foot in the rave…..

30/01/20 12:00:56

Reservoir Dogs

29/01/20 8:07:29

She had a silly cone implant.

27/01/20 12:00:06

I suppose a fork is out of the question?

18/12/19 8:00:17

"I'm afraid Sarah won't be in today, she's caught some sort of bug"

03/12/19 8:00:12

It was just enough of a distraction for Chris to help himself to the bench.

27/11/19 20:01:59

Maybe he should be called Rob? --Willie Johnson

I wouldn't say she's spoiled but that's her dolls house in the background.

13/11/19 8:11:09

No Entry.

21/10/19 7:04:41

Apparently Landfill went the extra mile and scored in the last minute.

04/10/19 11:00:09

And three other signs went to the landfill. --Willie Johnson

The young newlyweds are clearly delighted to eventually be back home following their Thomas Cook break.

25/09/19 7:02:25

"So how often are these horrendous nose bleeds?"
- "About once a month"

29/07/19 19:09:36

This kinda joking has to stop, PERIOD. --Greg Curtis

I wish I'd been arrested while walking down the aisle.....

21/05/19 9:36:13

Pete's waiting for his swimming coach

27/04/19 11:24:20

"This is unusual Mrs Jones, it's usually your husband I pick up with some bird"

25/04/19 19:08:37

"Sorry love, I just can't make up my mind. Can you try the flying ducks again?"

13/04/19 18:02:22

What a fab idea, sham poo on tap.

01/03/19 8:21:53

Meanwhile, at the County Fair, the 'guess my dress size' attraction was proving popular.

21/02/19 12:11:06

Following increased security, Police foil suspected terrorist gang.

02/02/19 20:33:04

"And that's why, at this point of every month, I start shouting at the two of you"

26/01/19 10:20:19

Gardeners World Raining Champion.

Foot, Sea, 100

13/01/19 12:54:37

05/12/18 20:00:44

Cat on a hot bin roof

21/11/18 8:00:07

It's a brick wall son, a bit like talking to your father.

20/10/18 7:06:54

"You'll never guess who I bumped into today while having a fag break"
- "Who?"
"Everyone"

14/09/18 12:07:20

"Errr, guys, sorry you'er not quite in the centre..it's just a jump to the left"...

23/05/18 7:00:28

This morning a TV crew forced their way into a flat. It's break in news.

26/04/18 7:22:28

Darling...don't you think it's time to cut the lawn..

23/03/18 12:09:29

A night on the tiles

02/03/18 12:05:03

Alternatively: a mite on the tiles --Dave Bryan

"Have you seen that new film about UFO's?"
"No, but I've seen the trailer"

10/02/18 12:09:18

"Darling, I think we should stop Tom from watching The Apprentice, that's the fourth babysitter he's fired"

Heavy Petting

06/12/17 16:02:06

26/09/20 14:50:30

Don't want him to grow up like you-know-who. --Willie Johnson

"How adorable, how long has he been playing the banjo?"
- "About a year, but that bloody kid keeps nicking it off him"

27/08/20 13:29:36

It just seems like about a year. It's only been five minutes. --Willie Johnson

This evening's edition of Mastermind is unfortunately postponed.

16/02/20 15:10:25

Julie insists on doing her make up on the train.

17/12/19 12:00:11

At this point I thought it best to lay off the pot for a while.

23/10/19 7:17:15

Yes sir, it is a tad warm, shall we open some windows?

19/10/19 11:20:21

Beth's clearly lost some weight, it was only last month I saw her wearing a sofa.

18/10/19 9:28:54

Carlo's never had an accident but he's been involved in a few close shaves.

13/09/19 19:01:54

You're not looking at birds online again are you?

06/09/19 11:02:16

"Guys, do you think you could possibly stagger your fag breaks?"

31/07/19 7:09:41

A splendid example of the theory of gravititty.

03/06/19 11:00:16

Sorry, no caption from me, I don’t accept cookies.

13/05/19 11:29:13

Good grief. A cyclist that's actually gone through a green.

23/03/19 12:37:10

The Vend is Nigh

10/01/19 21:28:24

I'm telling you, you don't want to mess with the traffic wardens round here...

04/12/18 12:30:13

May I suggest that health and safety within sport has got a little over ambitious.

20/11/18 8:02:16

By jove! He's got some LED in his pencil!

06/10/18 12:04:46

A passing hand Sheik

13/09/18 19:00:12

Yeah, as it happens I'm a bit of a Marvel in the kitchen

05/09/18 19:17:06

Law and Order

06/08/18 7:02:14

They've been introduced for cyclists to avoid confusion. Apparently they both mean go.

07/06/18 11:00:43

Sorry it's a little under done, it kept switching the bloody gas off

clever x2

26/05/18 8:07:07

I love the image this conjures up! :D --Pussy Galore

On reflection Dave wished he had held on to the zip wire

17/05/18 11:04:18

Brian has an obsession with the photography of head lice

31/03/18 7:43:59

Slut Machine

31/01/18 20:18:32

WARNING Never sneeze with a face mask on.

14/09/20 19:02:45

Marley was pretty chuffed with his monumental poop.

06/09/20 9:08:49

"So sorry Sir, I would have sworn you said egg on coast"

10/07/20 11:03:37

"Brandy, don't you find the older you get the younger the jockeys look"

01/07/20 11:01:51

"Excuse me, there's too much head on this beer"

30/05/20 11:11:54

"Darling, I think Tom may have moved on from castles on to other interests"

29/05/20 19:32:39

A dog with a cup of tea...that's novel.

03/05/20 7:35:34

Hopefully not novel coronavirus. --Woofer 6

They're being loaded onto the new Star Wars trailer.

07/01/20 13:20:08

Prince Andrew denies all knowledge of this photo.

17/11/19 20:54:41

of course...he was only 6 months old then --Dev B

I was actually hoping my mothers new chair lift would blend in with the decor a little more.

01/10/19 7:40:37

I have to say that I wasn't impressed with the range of merchandise at the Loch Ness gift shop.

28/09/19 11:20:59

An Officer and half a Gentleman

11/09/19 9:20:06

Johnny used to be a successful business man, the life and sole of the party and a real family man. Last year he signed up to Caption me.
Now failing in life he’s taken to hiding away 3 times a day so to come up with captions. Some weeks the lack of votes leads to heavy drinking and desperation.
I can’t imagine what he’s going through, poor Johnny.

09/09/19 11:04:55

¡¡uʍop ǝpısdn uƃıs ɐ dn sʇnd ʇoıpı ɟo ʇɹos ʇɐɥʍ

02/09/19 11:01:01

That's easy for you to say.. --stone face

Sign of being a heavy smoker.

25/08/19 12:44:46

"I'd help him across the road, but I can't swim"

19/06/19 19:06:08

Thanks Michael! --Chris Keegan

"Yes love, I know I promised to do the gardening while you were out, and yes, I've got the football on, but quite remarkably, just as I started, a bunch from The Royal Horticultural Society came by and said our weeds are of significant historical interest an sealed them off. Now, tell me more about this headache that suddenly developed last night?"

02/05/19 19:04:38

One minute she was tightening the air bag compartment, then....

09/03/19 18:15:11

A rare photograph from one of her B movies.

25/02/19 21:02:45

It's clear that some are travelling with one piece of hand baggage while wearing the contents of a bloody suitcase.

03/02/19 20:56:35

Oh, Victoria Beckham, you clever girl. :^) --Crunchy Chords

Cape Horn

29/01/19 8:23:06

Shops like this should be condomed

19/01/19 14:09:36

"Darling, I think the dog wants to go out"

24/11/18 20:01:18

French flys

20/11/18 20:16:08

"Sarah love, are you still in the toilet?"

31/10/18 8:01:22

National Rail finally admit the temperature on board their trains during winter months may not be adequate

22/10/18 8:25:39

Darling, I think you may have overdone the fresh pine toilet cleaner

02/09/18 7:52:42

A Gran Day Out

13/08/18 11:03:54

"Darling, when you organised it to be installed while I was away, are you sure you clearly said satellite DISH??"

10/06/18 11:07:11

"When you said it might be nice to have the neighbours round for supper.. "

03/06/18 11:00:08

Bloody right! They'll burn just as well.

15/05/18 7:00:09

They clearly don't keep off the grass..

24/03/18 14:04:30

Thank you for your application to work with us at Mothercare however on this occasion....

07/01/18 12:04:41

Bloody hell! And all I did was to put the toilet seat down for once!

08/12/17 8:07:07

Furrari

07/12/17 20:01:41

Rex is a rescue dog, however as they watched Sue's cheating husband drown he really couldn't be bothered.

05/10/20 11:06:03

"I have to say Sue, these new rules do have their advantages, I can hardly smell your breath from here"

24/09/20 19:52:12

King Thong

16/09/20 11:00:07

While discussing lockdown during a late night in the garden, Steve and Simon were concerned their return to ballet school could be tricky.

01/09/20 20:58:05

Bless her, she's determined to keep one foot out of the grave.

10/05/20 11:04:02

Hotpoint recall 10,000 of their spin washer machines.

01/04/20 17:50:16

Dave is patiently waiting for a haircut. It's a barber queue.

02/02/20 10:02:16

I was struggling with a caption for this one, then it just dawned on me...

25/01/20 9:45:22

♪ Sitting on the croc of the bay♪

29/12/19 21:13:45

Leonardo unfortunately punctured his lung doing this stunt however doctors have said his heart will go on.

14/12/19 14:29:02

"When I asked where he was from he just mumbled The Attic"

20/11/19 12:01:29

And so it is with regret I have to inform you that on this occasion you have failed to make the final selection for Love Island.

29/09/19 7:00:24

J Sea B

29/08/19 7:00:34

Oh dear, the end of another week and my instrument panel shows only 26 votes from my 78,998 captions and I'm running very low on humour.

03/08/19 11:01:45

All they wanted was to go home. Knight after Knight they went to bed in tiers.

23/05/19 11:11:13

Darling, Rex is at it yet again, could you ring my mobile and make his day.

19/05/19 7:21:14

A mog of tea

17/05/19 11:41:59

"Gran, when I said you need to Spice up your life..."

Bird watchers

11/05/19 11:10:37

04/05/19 7:29:42

"You and your bloody dyslexia...I told you to get a new loo seat from
M & S!!!"

24/04/19 7:50:36

more captions

last comments (total: 386)

Billy Connonlly.

Scrijjy Doo

16/09/20
10:42pm

comment on caption:
"Say, does anyone around here ever get taken for Billy Connolly?" [Chris Keegan]

Prostrate is a funny position for a prostate doctor to be in while he does his work. Hardly seems proctical.

19/09/20
8:33pm

comment on caption:
Visiting prostrate doctor happy to arrive undercover and give you the thumbs up. [Chris Keegan]

Don't want him to grow up like you-know-who.

26/09/20
5:03pm

comment on caption:
"Darling, I think we should stop Tom from watching The Apprentice, that's the fourth babysitter he's fired" [Chris Keegan]

♪ I'm gonna stick like glue
Stick because I'm
Stuck on you

[anon]

29/09/20
7:49pm

comment on caption:
I'm sorry, superglue jokes are still funny. Particularly on your wedding day. [Chris Keegan]

Or going as the case may be.

30/09/20
7:28pm

comment on caption:
Children weeing down your back. Dave should have seen it coming. [Chris Keegan]

I prefer Father Dougal. ;)

Karyn Harrison

08/10/20
4:45pm

comment on caption:
"I prefer Father Ted"
- "Thanks son." [Chris Keegan]

Will I post another caption now, Ted?

Al Overy

10/10/20
9:52am

comment on caption:
"I prefer Father Ted"
- "Thanks son." [Chris Keegan]

Careful not to burn up on re entry.