Mr. Toad

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09/06/12 11:28:38		3 39
Perfect. --D C
	The only gay in the pillage. 30/06/12 20:17:18	1 26

	This disturbing image was found in the home of a known Speedophile. 02/05/12 20:00:49	2 24
Naa they'r just trying to make a brief trunk call --Bad Boy Dennis.
	“I best be off- the wife’ll be having kittens.” 28/10/11 20:02:31	23

	lol Stewards enquiry after tortoise lodges an official complaint 19/04/19 12:00:37	21

	“I’ve met his wife and sister. A lovely woman.” 25/04/12 11:07:27	1 21

	"Why do you think we're stuffed?" "Because I've lost the map." 19/05/12 11:07:10	18

	"Call pest control. Tell them he's back." 16/03/12 12:07:32	12 18

	Hitler invades china. 05/08/14 20:01:28	17

	Holidaymakers are warned as BA prepares to launch yet another strike. 29/05/12 11:26:02	16 17

	My Grandad still drove at eighty, but in a thirty zone. 12/06/12 20:14:57	16

	And I thought it was Red Bull that gave you wings. 12/05/12 11:00:58	16

	Redundancies mean he’s the only worker left at the plant. 06/03/12 11:07:02	16

	“The map said Piccadilly Circus.” 21/10/11 11:03:55	5 16

	Trev was a one woman man who firmly believed in mahogany. 27/04/12 20:33:31	15

	ElderBerry 15/09/11 12:48:55	15

	"Soon the juvenile busker will hatch fully from its egg." 18/04/19 9:26:01	14

	creative "Have you been away?" 29/07/14 20:08:15	1 14
It took me a second, very clever :) --Michael Winner
	When dinosaurs chromed the Earth. 03/01/14 20:22:39	1 14
Here's a shining example. --John Glover
	“Best of luck with the interview Dad.” 30/06/12 20:08:45	14

	Another fat cat gets a raise 01/11/11 11:00:09	14


24/10/11 11:07:43		14

	Ménage Abattoir 08/10/11 11:03:09	14

	“I’m afraid it's Cholera.” 07/10/11 11:35:38	14

	She was known for being a bit of a globetrotter. 01/08/14 20:17:46	13

	It’s what’s inside that counts, which is where he’ll end up if they ever check his computer. 25/04/12 11:00:24	13

	“That's why I never give money to the homeless. They always spend it on booze and vampire rabbits.” 05/04/12 20:08:59	2 13

	Just hanging out by the pool. 25/03/12 20:00:15	13

	"Something blue?" 22/03/12 20:00:26	2 13

	A troublesome trolley wheel can send you over the edge. 26/11/11 20:15:12	13

	At Glasgow Zoo, even the animals come at you with a bottle. 08/11/11 12:01:05	13

	John’s tendency to drop his trousers was being fuelled by his friends. 04/07/12 11:00:10	12

	The end of another successful Harold Shipman street party. 04/06/12 20:02:04	1 12

	Brenda’s husband had always wanted a natural burial. It’s just Brenda didn’t deem it necessary for him to be dead in order to have one. 22/05/12 11:15:20	12

	“So far I’ve been involved in three arrests- two of them cardiac.” 16/05/12 11:00:13	12

	“Dear Derren, Colin still thinks he’s a cod.” 13/10/11 20:23:25	12

	Mount Fuji erupts 09/10/11 11:27:04	12

	Big Brother is washing you 01/10/11 11:33:06	12

	"...and with the branding, we expect to achieve full market penetration." 06/04/19 21:07:04	11

	Jesus’ website is currently down. Should be back up again in 3 days. 07/07/12 20:00:35	11

	“I’ll have the quarter pounder meal please.” 01/07/12 11:00:42	11

	“You two have a warped sex drive." 15/04/12 11:04:54	11

	Customers are reminded to refrain from touching any of our telegraph pole dancers. 26/03/12 11:58:02	11

	“See. It is shatterproof.” 21/03/12 11:04:49	11

	Group Hog 08/10/11 11:01:00	11

	Delivered by Comet 16/09/11 16:03:03	1 11

	Off to murder another song... 29/08/11 11:26:04	11

	Man attempts heads, shoulders, knees and toes record. 26/08/11 11:15:12	11

	“Well lads, that takes care of our little squatter problem.” 08/06/12 12:23:04	10

	“NYPD?” “Sorry love- I don’t do text speak.” 17/05/12 20:22:11	10

	If Adil doesn’t get his Camel moving soon, he’ll be late for the Oasis gig. 29/04/12 11:17:22	10

	At seeking he was good; hiding- rubbish. 22/04/12 21:19:32	10

	"Dig in." 13/04/12 11:00:22	10

	“This hat’s killing me.” “Funny- I’d have guessed heart disease.” 30/10/11 20:08:14	10

	lol After installing a new 100w light bulb, Chris Evans falls asleep. 29/07/15 21:19:16	1 10
But raked over the coals on twitter, for his carbon footprint. --Mauris Iocus
	This time, the room's in the elephant. 28/07/15 20:27:42	10

	"No. Still no job ads for air hostesses..." 07/04/19 8:21:04	9

	For his misbehaviour, he was sent to the naughty steppe. 07/01/14 20:10:50	1 9
Brilliant! --Michael Winner
	“I preferred having the wool pulled over them.” 03/05/12 20:00:31	1 9

	“I don’t get it or am I just being slow?” 08/04/12 20:12:59	9

	She discovered his chat-up lines were even cheesier. 10/03/12 20:56:15	9

	Dealers carry their Coke next to their Crack. 18/11/11 20:00:39	9

	She scraped the money together to buy her own plaice. 17/11/11 11:03:09	9

	“Can’t we just shout ‘Big Issue'?” 11/10/11 20:03:56	9

	An amphibious vehicle 04/10/11 11:00:12	9

	Ronald McDonald denies nervous breakdown. 06/09/11 13:22:59	9

	A waist of space 29/08/11 10:17:37	9

	With limited success on other sites, Geoff tries tinder. 29/07/15 21:12:56	8

	This vantage point allows us to study the monks and observe their habits. 21/06/12 11:00:17	8

	Only a few narcoleptic train spotters make it into adulthood. 07/06/12 20:04:49	8

	Former coke addicts often find it hard to let go. 01/06/12 20:00:10	8

	Northern Iraq has seen an increase in Kurd crawling. 23/05/12 20:02:02	8

	Some nights, one may be lucky enough to view the Milky Way. Tonight however, there’s only a chocolate orange. 10/04/12 20:00:44	8

	“Lance Armstrong?” “It’ll have to be if he wants to hold onto that car for much longer.” 16/03/12 20:28:37	1 8

	...and rock and roll. 19/11/11 20:56:21	1 8

	Greece prints new banknote. 17/10/11 11:15:31	8

	The Great Hoodyni 28/08/11 11:01:17	8

	Angry staff at the Ecuadorian embassy clamour to witness Julian Assange's arrest after he fails to leave a tip. 12/04/19 9:54:33	1 7
Ha Ha Ha Keep his Cat in lieu of perhaps. --BAD BOY DENNIS *
	"You know, we could just buy a new football." 28/07/15 21:00:33	7

	Statistics show only 1 in 8 people will actively take part in a Mexican wave. 02/08/14 13:47:16	7

	“I’m really enjoying Steve Fosbraey’s autobiography.” “But how can you be sure he wrote it himself?” 06/05/12 11:01:06	3 7
Chapter 2 ...as chapter 1 with a few alterations. --Chris Brooks
	“Let him have his fun. Then we’ll give him the scan results.” 05/05/12 11:26:16	7

	You too can experience the magic of the Eden Project. 22/04/12 20:12:11	7

	He can hardly be accused of grooming. 31/03/12 11:11:23	7

	Although Rajan washes the trousers, it’s clearly his wife that wears them. 28/11/11 11:10:06	7

	She loved him, even when he started flashing. 17/11/11 22:30:57	7

	Every Halloween, Tom goes trick or eating. 12/11/11 20:04:35	7

	"Who ordered the stripper?" 09/11/11 20:14:58	7

	What do Phlebotomists ask themselves before taking blood? 29/10/11 20:14:10	1 7

	"Now how do I wipe it... ?" 06/10/11 12:20:42	7

	Steward prevents bitch invasion. 13/09/11 14:15:35	7

	"Fetch the harpoon. I can get a head shot. And maybe even the fish." 23/07/14 22:03:36	6

	What a slapper. 17/07/14 21:11:21	6

	"The wife says I never help with the cooking. Hopefully this'll shutter up." 18/12/12 21:30:12	6

	Art or graffiti? It’s a bit of a tawny issue. 13/07/12 11:00:18	6

	Jake’s attempt to swim the channel had gone well. Then he spotted the ‘Welcome to Somalia’ sign. 15/05/12 11:21:34	6

	He was once spotted in a public toilet without his suit or glasses, but there was definitely a fag in his mouth. 07/05/12 20:16:10	6

	She went out with the kids, whilst he stayed at home watching spawn. 09/04/12 11:00:16	6

	Rock, paper, anal fissures. 29/03/12 11:07:51	6

	“Caught anything pal?” “Gonorrhoea once.” 26/03/12 21:23:04	3 6

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