It was usually easier to take the A4.

09/06/12 11:28:38

The only gay in the pillage.

30/06/12 20:17:18

This disturbing image was found in the home of a known Speedophile.

02/05/12 20:00:49

�I best be off- the wife�ll be having kittens.�

28/10/11 20:02:31

�I�ve met his wife and sister. A lovely woman.�

25/04/12 11:07:27

"Why do you think we're stuffed?"
"Because I've lost the map."

19/05/12 11:07:10

£100
WINNER

"Call pest control. Tell them he's back."

16/03/12 12:07:32

Hitler invades china.

05/08/14 20:01:28

£100
WINNER

Holidaymakers are warned as BA prepares to launch yet another strike.

29/05/12 11:26:02

My Grandad still drove at eighty, but in a thirty zone.

12/06/12 20:14:57

And I thought it was Red Bull that gave you wings.

12/05/12 11:00:58

Redundancies mean he�s the only worker left at the plant.

06/03/12 11:07:02

�The map said Piccadilly Circus.�

21/10/11 11:03:55

Trev was a one woman man who firmly believed in mahogany.

27/04/12 20:33:31

ElderBerry

15/09/11 12:48:55

"Soon the juvenile busker will hatch fully from its egg."

Thu 9:26:01

creative

"Have you been away?"

29/07/14 20:08:15

When dinosaurs chromed the Earth.

03/01/14 20:22:39

�Best of luck with the interview Dad.�

30/06/12 20:08:45

Another fat cat gets a raise

01/11/11 11:00:09

24/10/11 11:07:43

M�nage Abattoir

08/10/11 11:03:09

�I�m afraid it's Cholera.�

07/10/11 11:35:38

She was known for being a bit of a globetrotter.

01/08/14 20:17:46

It�s what�s inside that counts, which is where he�ll end up if they ever check his computer.

25/04/12 11:00:24

�That's why I never give money to the homeless. They always spend it on booze and vampire rabbits.�

05/04/12 20:08:59

Just hanging out by the pool.

25/03/12 20:00:15

"Something blue?"

22/03/12 20:00:26

A troublesome trolley wheel can send you over the edge.

26/11/11 20:15:12

At Glasgow Zoo, even the animals come at you with a bottle.

08/11/11 12:01:05

John�s tendency to drop his trousers was being fuelled by his friends.

04/07/12 11:00:10

The end of another successful Harold Shipman street party.

04/06/12 20:02:04

Brenda�s husband had always wanted a natural burial. It�s just Brenda didn�t deem it necessary for him to be dead in order to have one.

22/05/12 11:15:20

�So far I�ve been involved in three arrests- two of them cardiac.�

16/05/12 11:00:13

�Dear Derren, Colin still thinks he�s a cod.�

13/10/11 20:23:25

Mount Fuji erupts

09/10/11 11:27:04

Big Brother is washing you

01/10/11 11:33:06

"...and with the branding, we expect to achieve full market penetration."

06/04/19 21:07:04

Jesus� website is currently down. Should be back up again in 3 days.

07/07/12 20:00:35

�I�ll have the quarter pounder meal please.�

01/07/12 11:00:42

�You two have a warped sex drive."

15/04/12 11:04:54

Customers are reminded to refrain from touching any of our telegraph pole dancers.

26/03/12 11:58:02

�See. It is shatterproof.�

21/03/12 11:04:49

Group Hog

08/10/11 11:01:00

Delivered by Comet

16/09/11 16:03:03

Off to murder another song...

29/08/11 11:26:04

Man attempts heads, shoulders, knees and toes record.

26/08/11 11:15:12

�Well lads, that takes care of our little squatter problem.�

08/06/12 12:23:04

�NYPD?�
�Sorry love- I don�t do text speak.�

17/05/12 20:22:11

If Adil doesn�t get his Camel moving soon, he�ll be late for the Oasis gig.

29/04/12 11:17:22

At seeking he was good; hiding- rubbish.

22/04/12 21:19:32

"Dig in."

13/04/12 11:00:22

�This hat�s killing me.�
�Funny- I�d have guessed heart disease.�

30/10/11 20:08:14

lol

After installing a new 100w light bulb, Chris Evans falls asleep.

29/07/15 21:19:16

This time, the room's in the elephant.

28/07/15 20:27:42

"No. Still no job ads for air hostesses..."

07/04/19 8:21:04

For his misbehaviour, he was sent to the naughty steppe.

07/01/14 20:10:50

�I preferred having the wool pulled over them.�

03/05/12 20:00:31

�I don�t get it or am I just being slow?�

08/04/12 20:12:59

She discovered his chat-up lines were even cheesier.

10/03/12 20:56:15

Dealers carry their Coke next to their Crack.

18/11/11 20:00:39

She scraped the money together to buy her own plaice.

17/11/11 11:03:09

�Can�t we just shout �Big Issue'?�

11/10/11 20:03:56

An amphibious vehicle

04/10/11 11:00:12

Ronald McDonald denies nervous breakdown.

06/09/11 13:22:59

A waist of space

29/08/11 10:17:37

With limited success on other sites, Geoff tries tinder.

29/07/15 21:12:56

This vantage point allows us to study the monks and observe their habits.

21/06/12 11:00:17

Only a few narcoleptic train spotters make it into adulthood.

07/06/12 20:04:49

Former coke addicts often find it hard to let go.

01/06/12 20:00:10

Northern Iraq has seen an increase in Kurd crawling.

23/05/12 20:02:02

Some nights, one may be lucky enough to view the Milky Way. Tonight however, there�s only a chocolate orange.

10/04/12 20:00:44

�Lance Armstrong?�
�It�ll have to be if he wants to hold onto that car for much longer.�

16/03/12 20:28:37

...and rock and roll.

19/11/11 20:56:21

Greece prints new banknote.

17/10/11 11:15:31

The Great Hoodyni

28/08/11 11:01:17

Angry staff at the Ecuadorian embassy clamour to witness Julian Assange's arrest after he fails to leave a tip.

12/04/19 9:54:33

"You know, we could just buy a new football."

28/07/15 21:00:33

Statistics show only 1 in 8 people will actively take part in a Mexican wave.

02/08/14 13:47:16

�I�m really enjoying Steve Fosbraey�s autobiography.�
�But how can you be sure he wrote it himself?�

06/05/12 11:01:06

�Let him have his fun. Then we�ll give him the scan results.�

05/05/12 11:26:16

You too can experience the magic of the Eden Project.

22/04/12 20:12:11

He can hardly be accused of grooming.

31/03/12 11:11:23

Although Rajan washes the trousers, it�s clearly his wife that wears them.

28/11/11 11:10:06

She loved him, even when he started flashing.

17/11/11 22:30:57

Every Halloween, Tom goes trick or eating.

12/11/11 20:04:35

"Who ordered the stripper?"

09/11/11 20:14:58

What do Phlebotomists ask themselves before taking blood?

29/10/11 20:14:10

"Now how do I wipe it... ?"

06/10/11 12:20:42

Steward prevents bitch invasion.

13/09/11 14:15:35

"Fetch the harpoon. I can get a head shot. And maybe even the fish."

23/07/14 22:03:36

What a slapper.

17/07/14 21:11:21

“The wife says I never help with the cooking. Hopefully this’ll shutter up.”

18/12/12 21:30:12

Art or graffiti? It�s a bit of a tawny issue.

13/07/12 11:00:18

Jake�s attempt to swim the channel had gone well. Then he spotted the �Welcome to Somalia� sign.

15/05/12 11:21:34

He was once spotted in a public toilet without his suit or glasses, but there was definitely a fag in his mouth.

07/05/12 20:16:10

She went out with the kids, whilst he stayed at home watching spawn.

09/04/12 11:00:16

Rock, paper, anal fissures.

29/03/12 11:07:51

�Caught anything pal?�
�Gonorrhoea once.�

26/03/12 21:23:04

It wasn�t such a happy hour for the flushing mechanism.

23/03/12 11:12:50

"Give it up Geoff. The kestrel's not coming back."

07/11/11 11:28:28

Someone�s had their collar felt

03/11/11 20:19:53

�Apparently when he's in the suit, he walks on his hands.�

03/11/11 11:02:26

Nintendo�s new platform game.

26/10/11 11:25:21

�Whatever you decide Geoff, I�ll be there to help pick up the pieces.�

21/10/11 12:53:33

�Let�s just buy another frisbee.�

14/10/11 11:04:11

Wallterfall

01/10/11 11:07:03

Mark & Sparks

11/09/11 11:00:35

Geoff ignored advice and had his head cryogenically frozen early.

08/09/11 17:11:04

Woman opts for basic witness protection package

05/09/11 11:52:39

Intruders gutted the place

01/09/11 11:42:14

Justin heads for Holly Wood

29/08/11 11:43:35

Migrant Eurodisney staff prepare to make a dash for the tunnel.

30/07/15 10:14:55

The Duncan Goodhew Jukebox Repair Service

10/04/19 15:12:14

One too many Indians.

12/01/14 8:14:56

Butterfingered bearer drops Olympic torch just outside Crewe.

08/06/12 11:30:40

"I'm parched- stick the cattle on."

31/05/12 12:12:09

Kwik Fit profits have plummeted since the Amish took over.

29/05/12 20:00:18

�I turned up to it wearing nothing but a hat. I felt like a right gooseberry.�

13/05/12 20:09:52

Derek was having trouble dumping this wife�s body.

09/04/12 20:23:29

He fell for her hook, line and sinker.

09/04/12 20:08:38

�Liquor or have her use the rabbit?�

05/04/12 20:00:24

Carly loved dress down Friday. Pity she forgot it was only Thursday.

03/04/12 16:14:06

"Would it be rude of me to give you back your number?"

31/03/12 13:14:30

�Sir, you do realise the all you can eat is restricted purely to food?�

23/03/12 11:09:10

This large mammal finds a suitable watering hole.

23/03/12 11:04:31

Spinal injuries can be foetal.

23/11/11 11:39:58

The sign said �Do Not Feed The Nerds.�

18/11/11 11:04:42

Resident of Grimsby given key to the city.

17/11/11 11:08:34

�Who called the cups?�

15/11/11 20:00:16

"We should really get that extractor fan fixed."

04/11/11 11:13:36

Ronald McDonald paternity tested

27/10/11 20:48:14

Crowd Controlls

25/10/11 11:20:22

�It worked out cheaper than a nursing home.�

24/10/11 21:22:55

Pub takes delivery of Britain's biggest domino

05/10/11 12:37:37

An elaborate pyramid scheme

05/10/11 11:27:20

Seacide

03/10/11 11:46:54

Cameraderie

17/09/11 11:53:48

Watching concrete set.

16/09/11 14:57:26

"When I said I wanted a play outside, I didn't mean a Midsummer Night's Dream."

30/08/11 14:27:24

"Comin' over 'ere, stealin' our jobs. Can't even speak the language."

04/08/15 20:42:02

Graduate horse goes interrailing before choosing which field to get into.

19/07/15 21:31:23

Dyslexic gets lost on way back from toga party.

08/08/14 21:13:00

The moment Hitler ordered the Gestapo to breed with rabbits, they knew the war was lost.

02/08/14 20:30:37

Feeling hungover?

19/07/14 8:12:04

"What I actually asked for was their best Salmond impression."

06/06/12 20:15:47

When bidding at a cookie auction, it�s good practice to first check the Guide price.

24/05/12 20:00:12

He�d done a bad job of raising the kids, and now he�s beating himself up over it.

27/04/12 11:06:35

�I went to Lilliput and all I got was this giant camera.�

02/04/12 20:13:15

"We'd better go- your mother's bored stiff."

22/11/11 11:13:03

�I wouldn�t bother. They�re frigid.�

19/11/11 20:02:40

Thick crust. Cheese. One of these men has Gonorrhoea.

18/11/11 11:26:59

Goggle Earth

05/11/11 21:37:32

�Nice buns.�

03/11/11 11:00:57

Unscheduled feeding time in the Grizzly enclosure.

02/11/11 20:12:58

Cauliflower anticipates lottery win

02/11/11 12:40:01

Freddie Starr grabs lunch

01/11/11 20:08:10

Maypole dancing and social anxiety don�t mix

28/10/11 11:23:05

Man appeals for whereabouts of lost tarantula.

20/10/11 11:28:01

�Sorry Andy, but they ran out of Rita Hayworths.�

15/10/11 12:42:26

The Muppet Showfer

04/10/11 11:10:52

One of them's legal

02/10/11 16:59:29

�Thing� is sent by the Addams Family to work on a U-boat.

07/09/11 11:04:00

"So we're guessing the riot got cancelled..."

26/07/14 20:54:11

"We're after a couple of horse thieves masquerading as police officers. You seen 'em?"

26/07/14 20:23:48

�From his profile he sounded alright, but in real life, he thinks he�s God�s gift.�

07/07/12 20:01:29

�Have you pumped?�

04/07/12 11:00:17

Wanted: Home economics and geography teacher.

03/07/12 11:06:40

�I stole this from outside the garden centre.�
�I borrowed the wheelbarrow.�

18/06/12 20:01:32

�Your folks are gonna be real ashamed of you son, when they find out you're a cop.�

14/06/12 11:09:15

Geoff�s friends repeatedly told him to leave her, but he was a sucker for the poor cow.

31/05/12 11:26:45

Ironically, this Syrian family spent a day at the beach to avoid being surrounded by shells.

26/05/12 11:28:58

Mad Mix Beyond Thunderdome.

26/04/12 20:04:59

"I know they never got on with him, but it was his funeral."

20/04/12 12:38:58

Allowing cycling proficiency tests on Grand Prix day is to be reviewed by Monaco Council.

10/04/12 11:35:27

�I�m John and I have a drink problem. The rabbit keeps nicking it.�

05/04/12 20:08:06

Tom�s so vegan, he can�t even give it a butcher�s.

30/03/12 21:18:42

�It says here there�s an 80% risk of landslide. Darling�?�

29/03/12 11:15:52

Match.com investigated over claims of animal testing.

24/03/12 11:07:41

Itchy, flaky scalp? Take it out of the flamin� lamp then.

18/03/12 20:28:33

He was in the quiet carriage, but his feet still hummed.

10/03/12 20:57:25

For not finishing her homework, Daisy was made to do lines.

09/03/12 20:00:49

In Kenya, every twenty minutes a giraffe falls victim to crutch theft.

05/03/12 11:16:30

Geoff had all he can eat, but from a tectonic plate.

25/11/11 21:28:28

Lot couldn't take his wife anywhere.

22/11/11 18:42:21

King Kong then requested cake.

15/11/11 22:13:12

For his court appearance, the defendant hired a barista.

15/11/11 20:17:04

Three things homeopaths prescribe for scurvy.

06/11/11 22:02:43

"Next year, we're going to Twycross."

06/11/11 21:28:11

PET is recyclable.

04/11/11 20:52:08

Ninjas are supposed to train in a martial art.

31/10/11 11:11:16

White Van de Graaff Man

20/10/11 11:40:13

Mature students attend collage.

17/09/11 15:45:34

New Disney production begins with the shooting of a pilot.

10/09/11 17:55:46

"You can shout 'say what you see' until you�re blue in the face Roy, I�m never going to get the catchphrase."

07/09/11 15:25:03

"Between you and me Linda, there's this tap."

04/09/11 16:03:12

Sex and the Obese City

01/09/11 12:23:19

When law breaks down

25/08/11 17:08:05

Jurors question the use of product placement at the OJ Simpson trial.

Tue 8:14:17

Always one for pushing boundaries, filmmaker Michael Moore decides to shoot a documentary about his face.

Mon 20:08:14