lol creative

Tiddles was beginning to think he’d need to make his own dinner.

17/01/23 12:00:27

lol

Road sign creator collapses dead on keyboard. Final work displayed as tribute.

Fri 8:02:40

lol x2 creative

Thomas The Tank Engine woke up with a throbbing head and a mouth like the inside of a budgies cage. "Can anyone remember where we left Annie and Clarabel last night?" he said.

25/10/22 21:32:00

lol clever

"No, I'm fine...but have you seen a bloke on water skis?"

11/10/22 20:03:42, edited: 11/10/22 20:45:43

clever

Ski Sundae

16/01/23 12:00:13

Dave's wife was just relieved she hadn't gone away for the full week.

05/11/22 8:00:42

lol

Not everyone could carry that outfit off like Dave, let alone at their mother-in-laws funeral wake

22/11/22 20:00:38

lol

Party like it's 1889

26/10/22 19:00:34

lol creative

Rare find for David Attenborough as he stumbles across the nest of a Leather-Arsed Grebe

26/11/22 12:00:34

lol x2

"I thought the hangover was bad enough...and then the toilet seat slammed down."

17/11/22 12:43:12

“Think that again and I’ll punch you in the face.”

17/12/22 12:00:14

“Do you have everything you need madam, or would you like me to get you a shovel?”

26/11/22 8:41:34

“Not another one Boris!”

21/11/22 20:00:14

clever

If you thought getting on the wrong side of The Mafia was bad, try upsetting The Entomology Society.

06/11/22 21:23:44

creative clever

Dave liked to have his Cholestrol checked regularly.

17/10/22 9:26:23

Dealer-shep

21/12/22 8:16:18

Britain’s border control capability explained

07/12/22 20:01:29

lol

"This is gonna take for ever. Tight sod could have bought easy-peelers!"

11/11/22 20:59:55

lol clever

It was a simple system. If there was a pair left, they'd start dredging the pool.

19/10/22 8:42:15

I saw exactly the same car last week, except it was green.

12/12/22 8:12:07

Dave made two bad decisions that day - parking where he did and leaving the sunroof open.

27/11/22 13:48:17

The evidence leant towards it being a fake. The depth of the layering, the delicacy of the brush strokes...the fact it was printed on a cheap beach towel.

26/10/22 12:08:05

lol

There was nothing Dave enjoyed more than launching an unprovoked mortar attack on an unsuspecting neighbour.

01/12/22 13:17:31

clever

"...and the vet said it's probably tinnitus."

23/10/22 7:26:39

...and the winning Pumpkins in the 'carve-a-celebrity' competition go to David Dickinson and Katie Price.

21/10/22 20:04:51

Lad-in-der Field

06/11/22 13:06:12

lol

The works outing had been fun and the mill owner promised that if everyone worked really hard, he might start the engine next year.

12/10/22 19:17:22

My Scare Lady

17/12/22 8:26:45

Clark Went

01/12/22 8:11:02

Dave had been putting off defrosting the freezer, but the time had come.

13/11/22 10:02:09

“Well, the good news is there’s no need to rake up the clippings…”

09/11/22 20:00:16

The Naked Butler turned out to be a bit of a disappointment.

03/11/22 20:26:25

The party at Wayne Rooney's house was in full swing.

30/10/22 20:20:57

'Now about your x-rays…’

18/11/22 8:02:44

Just off camera, two Bloodhounds by the names of Phil and Holly were sneaking to the front of the queue.

11/11/22 8:22:21

It was either these or the Super Mario burgers and they looked a bit fatty.

16/01/23 8:28:50

Dave had taken it too far again, but it isn't every day your daughter turns four.

06/12/22 8:11:29

“Have you taken the shuttle from Heathrow to Manchester before madam?”

26/11/22 8:18:30

“I wouldn’t worry about it Shirl, nobody is going to recognise you from that angle.”

Sat 8:14:08

Dave had packed his Taj Mahal jumper by mistake.

15/01/23 8:30:59

"I know you've got your fork lift licence Dave, but you're on bog rolls from tomorrow!"

02/01/23 20:19:40

creative

Resourceful as ever, Dave had used the pile of Donkey shit as an impromptu bike stand.

02/01/23 12:27:34

They might look alright now, but they'll regret those tattoos when they're older.

14/12/22 8:03:52

As a new vegetarian, Dave had good and bad days.

12/12/22 12:10:16, edited: 12/12/22 12:52:06

“Well, where do you think you left it?”

08/12/22 20:11:33

"Bugger! Grey's the only colour I can't do."

05/12/22 19:55:23

lol

“I can’t see ‘em getting much milk out of that.”

19/11/22 12:00:24

"Back off Buddy or I'll shit on your tongue."

07/11/22 20:03:01

Therapy sessions to cure Dave's OCD had gone much better than expected

05/11/22 8:51:34

On the plus side, they were a lot less messy than the treadmills.

28/10/22 19:25:21

As she waited for the prototype Orgasmatron to take effect, Margaret mused that it might be easier to just get a boyfriend.

Tue 20:45:51

Dave was too lazy to peel his own bananas and so let time and gravity work their magic.

15/01/23 20:00:19

Little Dave had been challenged to water pistols at dawn and he was taking no chances.

10/01/23 20:26:41

"If you can lay some more round ones like this we'll make a bloody fortune."

05/01/23 12:01:59

Specially trained Police Goat apprehends bike thief.

01/01/23 10:35:11

“No I haven’t got any sodding mints!”

16/12/22 20:00:14

“Let the clutch out!”

13/12/22 12:00:53

Dave set out to drink himself under the table.

10/12/22 8:31:13

creative

"No it's absolutely fine, we just don't normally get this on the flight simulator."

26/11/22 8:20:04

“No I’m not worried about the water jump. What makes you think that?"

22/11/22 8:02:34, edited: 22/11/22 8:22:14

Richard Branson without his hair and beard was hard to imagine...until now.

18/11/22 21:36:47

lol

Perhaps it was her green face or her pink shoe phone...but nobody noticed her stranded Halibut.

15/11/22 14:38:25

"Pack it in Bob or you can delouse your own back."

07/11/22 20:01:32

The Liz Truss Of Dogs. You can see she got up there but have no idea how.

29/10/22 21:17:32

"Dave's always messing about when he's board."

Wed 20:52:26

"I think the piece is good but it's just too dear."

22/01/23 8:52:36

Gonna live here until the fungus out of it.

12/01/23 8:20:15

"If you think this is embarrassing, I had to model a Man Utd kit last week."

03/01/23 20:27:40

Reassuringly Offensive

23/12/22 12:05:42

They've upped their game for Ladies Day at Aintree this year.

17/12/22 9:31:53

Man admitted to hospital with three boxes of Ferrero Rocher, two pairs of novelty socks and a bad case of frostbite.

15/12/22 20:56:29, edited: 15/12/22 20:57:07

creative

Dave's decorations never really captured the Christmas spirit.

15/12/22 8:14:19

"Don't know about you love, but I think the Anne Summers catalogue has really gone down hill."

28/11/22 20:06:25

Deep down, Dave realised he needed to stay away from Tk Maxx.

18/11/22 12:00:45

Mini Driver

13/11/22 20:30:07

It's strange, but it keeps them occupied and the sheep are grateful for that.

12/11/22 22:44:49

Brief Hencounter

12/11/22 8:49:56

Tea Shirt

31/10/22 20:00:24

“He says he’s identifying as a Unicorn.”

20/10/22 11:00:22

Can't we just climb a tree or something dad, like normal cats .

12/10/22 8:59:07

“Yeah it’s a job, but my agent is worried I’m becoming typecast as a caption cat.”

Wed 12:02:24

“Don’t know about you, but I reckon this story about us being twins is bullshit.”

Wed 12:00:29

Midbite Cowboy

21/01/23 12:38:31

'Bring your ghost to school day' was always well supported.

09/01/23 14:17:39

Dave wasn't as cruel as people thought. He had a tarpaulin to cover the kids up when it rained.

02/01/23 9:20:08

The Domino Effect

18/12/22 9:13:42

Arthur was beginning to think eBay probably wasn't the best place to buy a toupe.

06/12/22 12:38:36

French Librarians vote to extend strike into a second decade.

03/12/22 22:21:28

"I know Margaret, but just think how much worse it would have been under Mr Corbyn."

02/12/22 8:05:06

“Excuse me madam, you’re only supposed to inflate your flotation device if the aircraft gets into difficulties.”

26/11/22 8:16:24

"Well if that's the Northern Lights we definitely took a wrong turn back there."

20/11/22 15:40:57

Phil and Kirsty's clients were skint but they wanted a big garden.

20/11/22 9:09:29

Woman fired from Apple shop for 'too conservative' appearance.

02/11/22 22:59:50

Club tie

31/10/22 20:01:56

Dave was only 36 but the 'Complete Arsehole Driving' stickers were out of stock, according to his wife.

27/10/22 19:05:59

"For **** sake, why didn't you say you were building a bridge?!"

"Well why didn't you?"

22/10/22 17:03:37

"On the plus side, 99% of it is spot on."

22/10/22 11:38:33

"Yards..metres...it's about the same isn't it?"

22/10/22 11:01:08

"Why didn't I just buy him an Action Man like all the other mums?", said Mrs Manson

19/10/22 19:01:22