lol

"My name's Nicholas and I'm an alcoho-ho-holic."

18/10/22 7:01:46

lol

Let's toast the winner!

16/11/21 8:00:08

For those who like to torque with their mouth full.

19/09/22 7:00:15

"I'm afraid I'll have to leave it there as I'm really bad at painting chairs."

30/04/21 19:00:34

lol

"That you, Bob? Me goggles have steamed up."

10/01/22 12:35:34

creative

As Nan got older, we gradually reduced the size of the hurdles to avoid injury.

29/06/22 19:00:14

lol

Sally began to regret buying the special 'Yorkshire Edition' Scrabble.

07/07/21 19:01:00

lol

"Well, it worked with the goldfish..."

23/06/21 7:02:18

lol clever

'Prince Charles said what?'

10/03/21 8:03:42

lol x2 creative

"Hello, is that Chris Beach? Listen, I won the January Caption competition bigly and everyone knows it! SO FIND MY MISSING VOTES!!!"

16/02/21 8:00:07

lol creative

I'd been applying for jobs for months, sent thousands of CVs and been rejected on countless occasions. Eventually I lowered my expectations and, although the pay is really crap, I am proud to call myself Trainee Assistant Dung Beetle.

06/01/21 20:00:41

lol

"Welcome to your electric shock aversion therapy session, Anon. So, everytime you say something pedantic or unnecessary, I'll apply a high voltage to..."

"Actually, you'll find it's not the voltage that's dangerous but the currAAAAAAAAGH!"

02/09/21 12:33:38

clever x2

"Now, if you'll all sit quietly, I'll explain which bone is connected to which without making a song and dance about it."

03/04/21 11:25:31

creative

Tonight on Panorama: Is there too much oestrogen in our water? We speak to three men in their thirties about their experiences.

17/02/21 8:01:22

lol

"You spoil that moth!"

13/11/20 8:00:37

lol

"For goodness sake, Ted! I told you not to lie on the dog blanket with suncream on!"

14/08/20 7:00:18

We wanted three French hens but could only get one due to the red tape.

15/11/22 20:00:17

Phones 4ewe

23/10/22 7:00:10

Man eating tiger

13/08/22 11:00:09

Breaking: Wall. Mortar come later.

19/07/22 11:00:56

We call him Groucho behind his back.

15/07/22 7:00:17

"Is that the head office?"

08/01/22 8:04:17

clever

"I'm afraid there'll be no presents this year, children. Santa's been mugged!"

15/12/21 8:00:08

clever

Paper view

20/03/21 12:00:07

lol

Have a Snickers, Pingu! You're not yourself when you're hungry!

06/02/21 20:03:05

creative

Shave The Children

02/10/22 11:00:10

clever

He's also been working on his pecks.

24/08/22 19:00:33

Reading town centre

16/08/22 7:00:10

Cow & Gates

23/07/22 7:00:14

Loos women

17/07/22 7:06:51

Latest frontline photo reveals clear evidence that Putin has Bungled his invasion.

20/05/22 7:00:07

lol

"So, you say that the assailant attacked you with a high-powered leaf blower, Madam? Do you have any proof?"

11/04/22 19:00:41

lol

"See - I told you this room was big enough!"

17/03/22 12:06:33

lol

"Now, my good man, are you a mounted policeman?"

"No."

"Would you like to be?"

07/02/22 20:11:21

clever

"Listen, I hear you mounted my cousin in your dining room! Now it's pay back time!"

13/11/21 20:00:49

The police line-up was going fine until one of them squealed.

27/10/21 19:24:17

clever

Is this some kind of quorny joke?

03/07/21 7:18:55

lol creative

Braille replacement service

12/05/21 11:01:31

Nice bike - looks like the Dulux version!

09/05/21 11:00:09

clever

Garden swing

12/04/21 11:00:17

"I'll give gran a ring later and see if she got that dodgy underfloor wiring fixed."

25/03/21 8:03:15

I love cooking with Basil.

24/03/21 12:00:06

lol x2

"If you were 'at your desk all morning', Mildred, how do explain this battered courgette next to an open copy of Lady Chatterley's Lover?"

12/02/21 12:00:37

clever

"Hang in there, Mr Atlas, sir! We'll have you out in no time!"

02/01/21 8:34:51

"I bless you in the name of the father, the son and the holey ball with a bell in that smells of catnip."

30/11/20 8:00:48

News in today - the army is running out of thick jumpers.

30/08/20 7:03:27

lol

"DAAAAAAAAAAAVE! It's 8am!!"

05/07/22 7:00:09

lol clever

The Blair SpringWatch Project

31/05/22 19:00:11

"I'm telling you; cats ALWAYS land on their... Oh..."

14/04/22 19:00:13

creative

There's something you don't see very often - all day parking for sick squid.

16/03/22 8:00:09

lol

"Finally, my nose has stopped running!"

24/01/22 20:00:29

clever

"Do you need a hand in there?"

23/01/22 20:00:09

"No, I will NOT be having a little brother!"

26/11/21 12:00:13

lol

It broke many records including most deep fried Mars Bars eaten, most cans of Tennant's Super drunk and most fags puffed in a race, yet nobody mentions the Tour de Scotland anymore.

13/10/21 7:01:53

lol

"Jane, we've been together a long time and, I hope I'm not asking too much but I know you love me, so... PLEASE MAY I SIPHON SOME OF YOUR PETROL?"

26/09/21 8:35:19

Noël Gallagher

22/09/21 19:02:06

clever

You could tell by the skid marks.

23/07/21 11:00:12

lol

Catholic Church's apology for historical sex crimes branded 'inadequate'.

25/06/21 19:00:10

Man faces consequences of spending his entire honeymoon captioning a cat photo.

22/06/21 7:03:31

creative

Pony tale

11/06/21 16:32:25

Special Offer: Buy one, set one free.

16/05/21 19:00:11

Dracula never flew anywhere without his entourage.

01/05/21 7:00:10

Right wing polly tricks

15/10/20 11:58:01

clever

"I recognised you from the thruppenny bits, Ma'am."
"Likewise!"

27/07/20 18:12:29

Say It with flowers.

17/08/22 19:01:32

"Let's get biscuits done!"

20/07/22 7:00:51

"What? Can't a clown have a holiday?"

01/07/22 19:00:08

"This one goes out to all my friends at Social Services!"

21/06/22 11:00:24

Tea Rex

21/06/22 7:00:26

lol creative clever

"This is where Willie Johnson would sit and quickly - yet considerately - vote for us all." *Sob*

13/06/22 11:01:31

"That's it, Su. You say 'back off, my lamppost', cock your leg and spray. Great job!"

05/06/22 19:53:20

Looks like a sett up to me.

03/06/22 7:00:13

"Did you drop Tilly at nursery like I asked you, Steve?"

"...Drop, yes; like you asked me, not so much."

23/03/22 20:05:42

"Now, kids, what happens if we don't look both ways before we cross?"

"KAPOW! SPLAT!"

13/02/22 12:08:22

Pugsly immediately regretted starting the Zoom chat with his parents 10 minutes early.

10/12/21 12:00:41

"Do they normally play with those?"

*Sigh* "Always."

19/11/21 21:13:49

The previous version had cauliflower ears.

13/11/21 8:32:21

The Furred Reich

22/10/21 19:00:09

"U F.O."

"That's my boy! You tell him!"

10/09/21 7:00:39

"Sarge! I think we've found where the clown's buried..."

25/08/21 11:11:52

clever

Today, Sesame Street is brought to you by the letters A, K and the number 47.

04/05/21 11:00:59

"Are you kidding me? NO! You can't have your boomerang back!"

09/01/21 8:00:13

"She's a lazy bitch, smells of wee and drinks out the toilet. But she can just about keep up with me if she leans on the buggy", said Ted.

29/11/20 20:00:19

lol

"Tell me doctor, what did the scan show?"

"Hmm... Can you drive a minibus?"

18/11/22 8:03:34

My dog is so polite - he minds his pees and queues.

11/11/22 8:04:16

"Coca cola's in the next aisle, mate!"

18/10/22 7:00:53

It must have been painful judging by all the Groening.

09/10/22 11:31:06

The Journey to the Centre of the Earth just got a whole lot easier.

15/08/22 19:00:20

clever

Foreword by Carrie Johnson.

15/08/22 11:00:09

Memory Lane

06/07/22 11:06:24

"I'm sorry, George, we'll have to let you go. I just don't feel you're taking this undertaker's job seriously."

03/07/22 19:00:11

It started as a ruff sketch.

24/06/22 19:20:04

Rumour had it that a giant lived here but it was just a tall storey.

20/06/22 11:02:58

Happily, fashion has made some great strides since then.

13/05/22 19:00:08

BREAKING - World leaders delighted as Putin steps down.

09/05/22 19:00:09

lol

"Pass me a pencil!"

"For the crossword?"

"...erm, yeah..."

16/04/22 19:00:54