lol

Let's toast the winner!

16/11/21 8:00:08

"I'm afraid I'll have to leave it there as I'm really bad at painting chairs."

30/04/21 20:00:34

lol

"That you, Bob? Me goggles have steamed up."

10/01/22 12:35:34

lol

Sally began to regret buying the special 'Yorkshire Edition' Scrabble.

07/07/21 20:01:00

lol

"Well, it worked with the goldfish..."

23/06/21 8:02:18

lol clever

'Prince Charles said what?'

10/03/21 8:03:42

lol x2 creative

"Hello, is that Chris Beach? Listen, I won the January Caption competition bigly and everyone knows it! SO FIND MY MISSING VOTES!!!"

16/02/21 8:00:07

lol creative

I'd been applying for jobs for months, sent thousands of CVs and been rejected on countless occasions. Eventually I lowered my expectations and, although the pay is really crap, I am proud to call myself Trainee Assistant Dung Beetle.

06/01/21 20:00:41

lol

"Welcome to your electric shock aversion therapy session, Anon. So, everytime you say something pedantic or unnecessary, I'll apply a high voltage to..."

"Actually, you'll find it's not the voltage that's dangerous but the currAAAAAAAAGH!"

02/09/21 13:33:38

clever x2

"Now, if you'll all sit quietly, I'll explain which bone is connected to which without making a song and dance about it."

03/04/21 12:25:31

creative

Tonight on Panorama: Is there too much oestrogen in our water? We speak to three men in their thirties about their experiences.

17/02/21 8:01:22

lol

"You spoil that moth!"

13/11/20 8:00:37

lol

"For goodness sake, Ted! I told you not to lie on the dog blanket with suncream on!"

14/08/20 8:00:18

"Is that the head office?"

08/01/22 8:04:17

clever

"I'm afraid there'll be no presents this year, children. Santa's been mugged!"

15/12/21 8:00:08

clever

Paper view

20/03/21 12:00:07

lol

Have a Snickers, Pingu! You're not yourself when you're hungry!

06/02/21 20:03:05

Latest frontline photo reveals clear evidence that Putin has Bungled his invasion.

Fri 8:00:07

lol

"So, you say that the assailant attacked you with a high-powered leaf blower, Madam? Do you have any proof?"

11/04/22 20:00:41

lol

"See - I told you this room was big enough!"

17/03/22 12:06:33

lol

"Now, my good man, are you a mounted policeman?"

"No."

"Would you like to be?"

07/02/22 20:11:21

clever

"Listen, I hear you mounted my cousin in your dining room! Now it's pay back time!"

13/11/21 20:00:49

The police line-up was going fine until one of them squealed.

27/10/21 20:24:17

clever

Is this some kind of quorny joke?

03/07/21 8:18:55

lol creative

Braille replacement service

12/05/21 12:01:31

Nice bike - looks like the Dulux version!

09/05/21 12:00:09

clever

Garden swing

12/04/21 12:00:17

"I'll give gran a ring later and see if she got that dodgy underfloor wiring fixed."

25/03/21 8:03:15

I love cooking with Basil.

24/03/21 12:00:06

lol x2

"If you were 'at your desk all morning', Mildred, how do explain this battered courgette next to an open copy of Lady Chatterley's Lover?"

12/02/21 12:00:37

clever

"Hang in there, Mr Atlas, sir! We'll have you out in no time!"

02/01/21 8:34:51

"I bless you in the name of the father, the son and the holey ball with a bell in that smells of catnip."

30/11/20 8:00:48

News in today - the army is running out of thick jumpers.

30/08/20 8:03:27

"I'm telling you; cats ALWAYS land on their... Oh..."

14/04/22 20:00:13

creative

There's something you don't see very often - all day parking for sick squid.

16/03/22 8:00:09

lol

"Finally, my nose has stopped running!"

24/01/22 20:00:29

clever

"Do you need a hand in there?"

23/01/22 20:00:09

"No, I will NOT be having a little brother!"

26/11/21 12:00:13

lol

It broke many records including most deep fried Mars Bars eaten, most cans of Tennant's Super drunk and most fags puffed in a race, yet nobody mentions the Tour de Scotland anymore.

13/10/21 8:01:53

lol

"Jane, we've been together a long time and, I hope I'm not asking too much but I know you love me, so... PLEASE MAY I SIPHON SOME OF YOUR PETROL?"

26/09/21 9:35:19

Noël Gallagher

22/09/21 20:02:06

clever

You could tell by the skid marks.

23/07/21 12:00:12

lol

Catholic Church's apology for historical sex crimes branded 'inadequate'.

25/06/21 20:00:10

Man faces consequences of spending his entire honeymoon captioning a cat photo.

22/06/21 8:03:31

creative

Pony tale

11/06/21 17:32:25

Special Offer: Buy one, set one free.

16/05/21 20:00:11

Dracula never flew anywhere without his entourage.

01/05/21 8:00:10

Right wing polly tricks

15/10/20 12:58:01

clever

"I recognised you from the thruppenny bits, Ma'am."
"Likewise!"

27/07/20 19:12:29

"Did you drop Tilly at nursery like I asked you, Steve?"

"...Drop, yes; like you asked me, not so much."

23/03/22 20:05:42

"Now, kids, what happens if we don't look both ways before we cross?"

"KAPOW! SPLAT!"

13/02/22 12:08:22

Pugsly immediately regretted starting the Zoom chat with his parents 10 minutes early.

10/12/21 12:00:41

"Do they normally play with those?"

*Sigh* "Always."

19/11/21 21:13:49

The previous version had cauliflower ears.

13/11/21 8:32:21

The Furred Reich

22/10/21 20:00:09

"U F.O."

"That's my boy! You tell him!"

10/09/21 8:00:39

"Sarge! I think we've found where the clown's buried..."

25/08/21 12:11:52

clever

Today, Sesame Street is brought to you by the letters A, K and the number 47.

04/05/21 12:00:59

"Are you kidding me? NO! You can't have your boomerang back!"

09/01/21 8:00:13

"She's a lazy bitch, smells of wee and drinks out the toilet. But she can just about keep up with me if she leans on the buggy", said Ted.

29/11/20 20:00:19

Happily, fashion has made some great strides since then.

13/05/22 20:00:08

BREAKING - World leaders delighted as Putin steps down.

09/05/22 20:00:09

lol

"Pass me a pencil!"

"For the crossword?"

"...erm, yeah..."

16/04/22 20:00:54

Barry had a rather puffy eye this morning.

11/12/21 20:00:09

What a silly Miss Steak.

10/12/21 8:00:09

"Ours was ruined within a week."

"How come?"

"I have a massive mole on my arse."

23/11/21 12:34:54

"Yes, it's all true. Trump did grab me!"

24/09/21 20:00:37

When the clown boss was arrested, it left some very big shoes to fill.

13/09/21 8:00:51

Ted was about to get Bronze in the synchronised sunbathing.

10/08/21 8:03:51

"Janet! That seagull's taking the baby!!"

"Yeah. I had to swap him to get my iPhone back."

06/08/21 8:00:12

I know his family actually - decent bunch.

04/07/21 20:00:12

Not for the first time, the Church tries to delete a bit of history...

28/06/21 8:01:09

The municipal jellyfish sting treatment facility was basic but effective.

12/05/21 20:00:18

I thought only Miss Piggy snorted.

11/05/21 12:01:17

"Great trick, but how do we get our clothes back out of the hoover?"

01/05/21 12:00:31

lol

There was a young man from Chantilly
Who humped random plants, which was silly
'Mounting cacti is bad!'
He proclaimed to his dad
As the nurses pulled spikes from his willy

26/04/21 12:05:10

His latest release stinks!

13/04/21 8:00:45

Darlene was a BIG Country fan.

12/04/21 20:00:15

The men died from a double hart attack.

05/04/21 20:00:08

"Ok, all booked. Barbershop, April 12th."

21/03/21 8:01:56

Illegull

12/03/21 8:00:06

lol

"If you can stay at home stay at home, otherwise go to work but don't go to work if you can work at home. Meet outside, not inside unless you have to meet inside but wear a mask, even if you are outside with six people in a public place or thirty people in a church. Everyone clear?"

17/12/20 13:06:24

I see your future, young one. You will go on to be... In many, many, MANY captions.

30/11/20 8:02:38

Little house on the purry

09/09/20 12:29:34

The Floppy Cock Clinic were delighted with their tasteful rebrand.

11/07/20 8:15:43

lol

"Oh, gosh! A maggot!"

07/05/22 12:00:10

"You're FINE, Jenny! Now get your clothes on, you're going to school!"

04/05/22 8:00:55

"We honeymooned at Centaur Parks."

30/04/22 20:00:09

Weapons of Mass destruction.

19/04/22 12:00:07

Caution: May contain mutts.

02/04/22 16:45:55

clever

I don't know why Fluffy chose that Christopher Walken rucksack, it's much too big for him.

21/01/22 12:24:15

Terence turned to the paper as there was nothing interesting on the web.

07/12/21 8:00:10

"Here we are now with Champion Grower, Percy Smith. Now, Percy, how do you get your veg so amazingly big?"

"Well, we live nextdoor to Boris Johnson, so we've got an unlimited supply of horseshi..."

"Thank you, Percy!"

05/11/21 8:02:58

"Next door's baby kept me up all bloody night!"

22/10/21 12:00:15

"Y'know what, just leave the nose hairs today. Thanks."

04/10/21 8:01:23

If you're new to caption.me, you need to know that cats are very big round here.

01/10/21 12:00:09

"Your mum and I wanted you to have your own space."

09/09/21 20:00:08