£50
WINNER

lol x2 creative

BREAKING - Sniffer dog retires after largest ever cocaine find. 'He left on a high', said his handler.

10/10/20 11:00:14

lol

"You spoil that moth!"

13/11/20 8:00:37

lol

"For goodness sake, Ted! I told you not to lie on the dog blanket with suncream on!"

14/08/20 7:00:18

News in today - the army is running out of thick jumpers.

30/08/20 7:03:27

Right wing polly tricks

15/10/20 11:58:01

clever

"I recognised you from the thruppenny bits, Ma'am."
"Likewise!"

27/07/20 18:12:29

Little house on the purry

09/09/20 11:29:34

The Floppy Cock Clinic were delighted with their tasteful rebrand.

11/07/20 7:15:43

lol

When you forget to put the bins out, hear the dust lorry outside and just try to move them by telekinesis instead.

30/10/20 21:40:12

"If you can keep your head when all about you are losing theirs, you'll be a Mannequin, my son!"

17/10/20 11:00:21

Ruff sketch

18/09/20 11:03:05

Inkongnito

16/09/20 11:17:08

"Give us a really big wave!"

10/09/20 7:04:41

Spitting image

05/09/20 7:00:06

"No nick-a la sturgeon!"

23/08/20 11:00:12

"Apart from the holes in the shower curtain, this Bates Motel seems nice love."

17/07/20 11:57:08

"Migrate? Migrate?"

"Yes, you're great. Now shut up!"

Wed 20:26:06

Big wed bus

11/11/20 8:00:06

clever

Orchestral Manoeuvres with a Shark.

22/10/20 11:06:14

Frankie Goes to Hobbycraft

28/09/20 19:01:03

'You have successfully booked your haircut appointment.'

24/09/20 11:10:58

"Can you tell me the quickest way to the loo, please?"

"Are you walking or driving?"

"Walking."

"It's quicker if you drive."

20/09/20 7:04:47

That famous scene from The Whining.

19/09/20 19:00:25

Up here, Fred could only get a couple of baas on his phone.

17/08/20 7:01:12

When you have no actual friends and overcompensate.

02/08/20 7:32:05

"Can't a man inspect his privates in peace!?"

03/11/20 22:42:21

My first attempt at glass blowing went completely tits up.

21/08/20 19:00:14

Due to Covid, seating arrangements are up in the air.

21/08/20 7:21:39

Miss Guided Missile

13/08/20 7:07:27

Bad news love. The carwash has furloughed me.

09/08/20 19:00:54

Toast modernism.

21/07/20 12:33:20

lol x2

Next on Channel 4, Escape to the Chateau.

10/07/20 7:08:23

We call him Fonzie, as he generally has a bird on each arm.

13/09/20 11:00:15

The sad, unwanted, furry creature sat on the sofa for hours. His only company a teddy bear.

13/09/20 7:02:46

lol

"Right! No more kids!", shouted Mr Melon. "There's no room in the car when we go on holiday!"

11/09/20 7:10:06

"Will you join us?"

"No, I have a table for two."

"I don't blame you dear. You don't want backache."

08/08/20 7:35:03

Whatever possessed you to get up there?

12/07/20 7:04:36

Chicken 'n' a Basket

Thu 8:01:46

"You put your left legs in, your left legs out..."

18/10/20 7:02:28

A memorial to our dog Rover
He's buried under this flyover
There he was, chasing a cat
When a steamroller squashed him flat

18/09/20 11:04:49

Love triangle

12/09/20 7:09:25

Felines were running high.

09/08/20 7:41:07

When you're so excited to go swimming, you forget the Alka-Seltzer in your pocket.

04/08/20 14:20:29

"Dear Mrs Smith, due to the current social distancing measures we are unable to provide certain face-to-face services at the clinic. Please bring your stool sample with you to the front desk."

29/07/20 16:42:36

Side effects of too much catnip may include hallucinations...

26/07/20 12:02:01

"Don't cry mum. I'll find Nanny's pulse..."

18/07/20 7:01:37

lol

The uneasy juxtaposition, the anachronistic context, the applaudable rejection of ostentation. Still, it was Gav's jacket and he liked it.

17/07/20 18:22:09

She was displaying signs of Covid but, as responsible parents, we still visit the playground once a day to throw food in.

16/11/20 8:00:42

I'm not saying it's not impressive, Geoff, but you did start the walk when you were twenty-three.

25/10/20 20:00:28

Notwork Rail

24/10/20 11:00:13

Within minutes the whole joint was swinging!

03/10/20 15:38:15

creative

"I caught a fish this big!"

19/09/20 7:00:47

Deliveroomatism

14/09/20 7:06:18

Bridget Jones's Diarrhoea.

13/09/20 19:00:45

"Here we go... browsing history. I knew it! Dad likes big tits too!"

02/09/20 7:00:18

"Roll up, roll up! Get yer lovely 'No Loitering' signs."

19/07/20 19:04:14

"We peeped inside - full of toad stools!"

Sun 8:38:05

"These are British caught, sir. They are lightly simmered in resentment and served with small island mentality dressing and a side order of entitlement."

14/11/20 8:00:52

'Do you have any idea how long it took me to lick this lot clean?'

12/11/20 20:01:06

"I'm squashed!"

01/11/20 8:01:25

"Bloody replacement bus service..."

18/10/20 11:46:00

Can't caption this. I only do one-liners.

12/10/20 18:11:51

When you have to share a set of headphones but it's fine because you were a bit chilly anyway.

22/09/20 11:01:52

"Excuse me. Did you know you have a bear behind?"

21/09/20 11:00:15

"Ann's in the shower. I'm, er... looking after her knickers."

16/09/20 11:24:05

"Is that a mark on your specs?"

"Don't be silly. It's a Dave."

06/09/20 19:04:15

You can't always spot a drug addict but you can look for the signs.

01/09/20 12:03:35

Pygmies - delicious but completely indigestable.

27/08/20 7:01:06

SpongeBob Despair Pants.

09/08/20 19:02:33

Daz: gets everything out. Including your son.

31/07/20 19:45:24

This is my guide dog, Maverick. He's more like my pilot. He's a good boy except for that time he tried to dry hump Kelly McGillis.

20/07/20 7:03:34

The leader of the Green Party's last wish was to be recycled as a hand dryer.

19/07/20 11:10:20

Ted never ran a bath for anyone but himself. He was a selfish bath Ted.

17/07/20 7:22:57

"Ah, look at these Brexit quotes! Remember this one - 'We hold all the cards'?"

12/11/20 12:21:23

And then I realised I had the decimal point in the wrong place and I'd actually discovered a cure for cancer. Which was nice.

12/10/20 17:27:39

"Ding Dong! The Witch Is Dead!"

- Some of the celebrations after the passing of Margaret Thatcher were well over the top

30/09/20 7:15:22

Unbridled passion

29/09/20 19:00:11

"NO VOTES! NO VOTES!? THREE HOURS I SPENT ON THAT F*@KING CAPTION!!"

23/09/20 19:03:04

Lion'll Glare

21/09/20 7:00:21

Scarecrowd

20/09/20 11:00:07

Proclaimers - If you must walk 500 miles and then walk 500 more, at least have the sense to take some sandwiches.

18/09/20 7:00:10

PM outlines plans for the Affordable Housing Scheme that's set to deliver thousands of homes in England.

11/09/20 11:15:08

clever

A high grey building...
A bird gets ready to fly,
Wait! Caption forming.

(High Coo)

02/09/20 21:38:23

The writing's on the Gaul.

25/08/20 21:01:40

"Sorry about the mix-up boys. I've cancelled Rentokil now."

31/07/20 14:34:40

"Your new garden water feature is very simple to install..."

26/07/20 21:22:46

Wingledon

24/07/20 11:58:00

lol

Jeff's 'cavorting in nature' portfolio shot was photobombed by an inconsiderate bride and groom.

23/07/20 16:44:21

The time you discover it's never a Mars bar.

12/07/20 19:02:48

'I hear you have a fine case of crabs', said Salty hopefully.

11/07/20 20:02:20

Lavatree

Sun 8:00:07

If you can afford more than this at Christmas, Rishi Sunak would like to speak to you...

13/11/20 8:00:12

They attracted a lot of stares. Daleks hate stares.

09/11/20 20:45:22

Judge Dead

02/11/20 13:13:42

Barry's just finished a Marathon. Also a Twix, two Mars Bars and a family bag of Doritos. Which should, he thought, provide enough energy to get him to the pub.

21/10/20 19:00:30

"Your name vill also go on ze list! Vhat is it?"

"Don't tell him, Pike!"

19/10/20 19:00:30

GrOAP

14/10/20 11:26:54

"I had such a strange, unrealistic dream last night."

"The one with the wierd floating face, sinister forest and a crow?"

"No, I dreamt Boris Johnson was competent."

30/09/20 11:06:31

Traffic News - there's a pile-up on the A20 tree.

08/09/20 19:00:14

Fred had been kind and generous but was easily cornered and surprisingly tasty.

28/08/20 7:00:14

Jimmy Krankie started right at the bottom you know.

27/08/20 7:01:55

The arsecrack of Notre Dame

25/08/20 19:12:34

Never before seen photos reveal the set of The Golden Girls after Rose got loaded and went on the rampage.

18/08/20 7:02:45

"Now see here, sister. I'm a desperate man. So are you gonna tell me where the gents is or what?"

16/08/20 19:05:47

Mum had just pulled up which gave The Cat in the Hat about forty seconds to sort his sh*t out.

16/08/20 7:06:15

The killer ostrich kicked the doors off it's cage before devouring a passing cyclist and making it's escape. Back to you in the studio for the weather.

03/08/20 16:19:12

Moos like Jagger

01/08/20 12:32:23

Wife's new bedspread :(

20/07/20 19:03:23

Top gun dog.

20/07/20 7:00:17

Monday's child is off their face.

08/07/20 11:09:08

Bob's new Jennifer Saunders rucksack was much larger than it had appeared online.

28/06/20 11:35:07

Business was going great for Tina from Doncaster.

Thu 20:08:54

"Aw, this is awkward. I really need to fart..."

16/11/20 20:01:58

"Hahaha, Croydon Council's gone bankrupt! Useless bastards, serves them ri... Hang on, that's us!"

12/11/20 17:29:56

That's the most British thing I have seen all year - people wearing anoraks in June.

12/11/20 8:04:30

On the upside, Derek made his premature ejaculation appointment.

10/11/20 20:01:25

"Well, I was originally swallowed to catch the bird but there was a fly and a spider in there too! That old lady was nuts!"

06/11/20 8:00:33

Chubby Checker

03/11/20 13:24:43

Now discontinued.

02/11/20 12:30:23

Nosfruitu

15/10/20 7:00:29

'For Sale: quirky cottage on the edge of the Downs - may not be available for long.'

13/10/20 11:54:38

"I know it's uncomfortable but I must complete your Covid test, Mr Trump."

03/10/20 7:01:42

"Honey, are you sure this is In The Night Garden? Timmy's crying."

30/09/20 11:34:08

BREAKING: Scientists discover how Covid germ is carried by children.

29/09/20 7:00:12

The Sultans of String

28/09/20 19:00:07

"Tricky", thought Denzil. "Don't know any wife or dog captions..."

23/09/20 7:01:16

The new 'Slapheads Support International' emblem was very touching.

22/09/20 11:00:51

Toy story

13/09/20 7:00:06

Bear necessities

11/09/20 19:00:16

"Try again!"
"Woof."
"And again."
"Woof."
"And again."
"Woof."
After a couple of hours Florence concluded that you can't teach an old dog moo tricks.

04/09/20 7:06:50

"Remember that job we did for Mrs Davis?"

"Not half! She had a lovely pear!"

03/09/20 20:16:25

No Richard Gere. By order of the gerbils.

02/09/20 19:45:12

Dear Durex, I'm writing to complain about a foreign body in my johnny...

21/08/20 19:01:11

"Mr Smith, your movements sound very unusual. Please bring your stool sample to the clinic immediately."

21/08/20 7:32:34

"I'm wearing my special thinking cap for stimulating my unconscious mind into propogating giant ideas."

"Wow! What are you thinking?"

"Think I've shat myself."

13/08/20 19:25:51

When you've blown your budget on a space program then can't afford to decorate.

13/08/20 8:41:18

The first leg of Ruth's trip was the most dangerous.

12/08/20 7:08:54

lol

Many of the Chelsea Pensioners were massive Tina Turner fans.

10/08/20 8:26:50

"This is the police. You must disperse now, or we will squirt you with lavender water!"

09/08/20 7:43:20

"If Jimmy Nail asks, you ain't seen me, right?"

05/08/20 20:08:26

Some say the spirit of Michael Portillo still haunts this beach...

03/08/20 19:00:21

"What with this terrible weather we've been having, I expect you're glad of your submersible accomodation?"

31/07/20 15:17:41

As dusk fell, the Transylvanian vicar descended from the belfry.

28/07/20 12:24:32

Sweeney toddler.

13/07/20 11:54:03

'Dear Borrowers, enjoy your surprise. Love Fido.'

09/07/20 7:01:07

♪ "You say goodbye and I say hello." ♪

Sat 20:01:49

'The Covid test came back clear but she does have a touch of Rabies.'

16/11/20 8:01:14

'But, Mr Cummings, The Barnard Castle Tandoori desperately needs this publicity, sir!'

14/11/20 12:00:43

"Have you seen a cat on a skateboard go past?"

09/11/20 8:01:22

"In the wild, he's a target for Wig Game hunters."

08/11/20 10:32:40

A Wing and a Prairie Dog.

07/11/20 20:09:14

Chip refused to appear in the photo as he was chicken.

06/11/20 20:30:31

For when you've been touching lots of knobs.

05/11/20 12:03:10

SCHOOL MEAL ROW: Hungry child feeds friends and family using clever disguise. 'He really is the Greatest Of All Time!', joked his mum.

31/10/20 12:00:16

"Of course, I can't remember the whole caption but it was 'something, something Gulliver'. I don't know how they do it!"

28/10/20 8:02:25

Beer giggles

28/10/20 8:01:15

Although the pumpkin looked evil, it was really nice as pie.

27/10/20 8:00:16

Sex toys

14/10/20 11:20:18

The Memphis Baby Belle

01/10/20 20:28:16

"This is the very last photo of my husband and son... Next to the crocodile pit with a very low wall."

30/09/20 19:00:21

"But, MUM! I had a bath last week!"

21/09/20 19:00:10

"Are they that big in real life, dad?"

"Well, son, park rangers need to take on a lot of calories to keep out the cold."

21/09/20 11:47:08

These dogs are trained to sniff out crack.

19/09/20 19:00:48

"Ah, so the house represents Europe and the man with nothing but the shirt on his back, freezing outside but pretending he likes it represents the UK, post Brexit."

18/09/20 19:02:26

Chas & Grave

18/09/20 7:00:25

As Daddy Bear returned from the portaloo, Goldilocks stopped her frantic search for an escape route and tried to act casual.

17/09/20 7:00:27

"How can you tell if he's in the house, Mrs Johnson?"

"Same as most blokes. Skidmarks in the loo."

16/09/20 7:01:45

Ted time story

13/09/20 7:00:17

She likes five portions a day. She's also keen on vegetables.

12/09/20 19:01:18

"Ok, ten down... Adhesive, commonly found in captions, rhymes with buperglue?"

09/09/20 7:00:45

"I'm afraid you've failed your driving test, Mr Spencer."

"... BETTYYY!?"

08/09/20 19:07:16

♫ Looking back over my boulder ♫

06/09/20 7:04:26

Flame grilling is supposed to get rid of unwanted fat, so I moved Billy's chair a bit closer.

01/09/20 19:27:06

That halo's not fooling anyone matey.

30/08/20 19:10:42

"What did the sergeant mean when he said this was as simple as Brexiiiiaaaa..."

30/08/20 7:23:18

Kids these days don't know how easy they have it. If I was insolent, my aunt and uncle would drive over me repeatedly with their new automobile... If I was lucky! Still, we were happy...

29/08/20 11:02:19

"Can't I just have Chaka Demus without the pliers?"

27/08/20 19:13:00

"Just going to drop the kids at the pool, love."

27/08/20 7:00:19

Horse messed nut

26/08/20 12:30:19

Taste of Korea - now delivers fresh to your door!

25/08/20 12:11:51

"A shoe!"

"Bless you."

24/08/20 19:00:14

We'd been friends for many years but I began to feel she was putting Wall's between us.

24/08/20 7:00:20

Spiderman 14 synopsis: Ordinary spider is bitten by radioactive girl then discovers he can talk for England, cry for no reason, start a row in an empty room and worry constantly that his bum's too big.

22/08/20 7:03:45

"Now you sing it, Mister Lion!"

"Fine... A-weema-weh, a-weema-weh, a-weema-weh, a-weema-weh..."

20/08/20 7:01:31

"Where are we again?"

"Aberdeen, Angus!"

18/08/20 12:30:29

"I've turned the house upsidedown and still can't find my fabric swatches!"

"Did you check the sofa?"

18/08/20 7:58:51

As the flock disperses over a larger territory, the males must find new and inventive ways of signalling to a female...

17/08/20 7:00:22

Forcing native American statues to wear masks was a brave decision.

15/08/20 19:13:05

"Stay still! Mosquito."

11/08/20 11:04:48

Boris Johnson announces stringent new tests for foreign doctors.

07/08/20 7:02:07

"Am I too close to the kerb? I'm too close aren't I?"

05/08/20 7:43:40

Pass my binoculars! I've spotted a couple of tits in our bushes.

02/08/20 11:58:50

"What'll it be, sir? Banger with chips?"

31/07/20 5:43:39

My 600lb wife

30/07/20 11:51:24

Fag break at London Fashion Week.

22/07/20 11:30:49

The difference between:
(1) Once through the hotel toaster...
(2-8) What you would have put up with and...
(9) Twice through the hotel toaster

22/07/20 5:58:35

"I have to give him chocolate or he goes straight for my nuts!"

20/07/20 11:50:04

lol

Health and safety were certainly sucking the fun out of the annual cheese rolling contest.

28/06/20 11:55:27

The 'I'm a Celebrity' diet had made Russell Watson's halitosis visible from space.

Fri 8:00:24

One desperate owner

Thu 20:00:36