lol

"Do you mind...? I work nights, you know."

28/02/19 20:54:27

clever x4

Dave, a budding photographer, really hoped the bird would fly off so he could take a better shot

11/06/18 20:39:08

One of my rasher purchases

01/09/18 8:23:17

Clearly they have some very bright pupils

30/08/18 20:25:06

Fried and gone to heaven

27/08/18 12:16:33

lol

"Mum... The dog's eaten all the cheese and pineapple

01/04/17 8:22:41

lol

I can't see the point of these

08/09/18 20:04:05

I know the name but I don't recognize their faeces

07/04/19 20:13:06

creative

♪ Sisters are doing it for their selfies ♪

27/08/18 20:09:05

"Anyone ready for craps in the lounge?"

22/08/18 8:33:16

lol

Dave's dad hadn't quite grasped the rudiments of 'Spin The Bottle'.

18/01/17 20:08:11

For the fashion-conscious deep sea diva

02/03/19 10:17:32

"Well, I've had Stella, Brandy, Margarita, Sherry, Shandy, Chardonnay, Tia and Maria. I s'pose I must've asked for it."

19/01/19 14:14:59

A fishful of dollars

28/12/18 12:08:51

"I tried lifting a mini once - I got slapped across my face"

07/12/18 13:35:03

clever

Sagittarius: You're feeling a strong urge to share your load but be careful or your hard work may go down the pan. Today's lucky number: 2.

05/09/17 9:11:00

"OMG! The snow plough's coming!"

06/12/16 8:08:11

clever

"I'm just going out for a quick spin"

06/03/19 8:22:17

creative

"Ah, Saturday morning. I fancy a fly-up."

12/11/16 8:37:22

Holy cow!

12/01/19 20:07:58

"What a rubbish fancy dress party... there's no atmosphere."

24/10/18 20:23:09

Mr Hubbard loved surprising his wife

12/09/18 8:13:52

Beef encounter

22/07/18 9:58:23

creative x2

Young Akito here, was 7 yrs old when he set off with his pet to Show and Tell. The Truancy Officer has been informed.

22/02/18 8:58:04

A pecker on the cheek

07/01/18 13:21:24

"It looks like the printers are on strike again, dear"

17/08/17 8:46:38

Is it cos I is ginger?

09/04/19 8:47:30

"What happens if you pull this ro- "

23/01/19 20:26:18

lol creative

Police release CCTV footage of savage wart removal attack on Nanny McPhee

18/01/19 9:35:15

Bearbeque

27/11/18 20:41:49

I couldn't decide which top to wear so I wore them all

28/10/18 20:27:49

creative

Visitors to the Horticultural Show were treated to a moving display of Heather, Jasmine, Poppy, Violet, Daisy and Petunia.

14/09/18 11:10:23

Keeping abreast with the latest novels

15/10/17 20:17:33

Goes well with his mousetache

28/07/17 8:11:28

clever

-"Mine tells me my heart rate, blood pressure and BMI. It's also a step counter, a route planner and weather predictor. What does yours do?"
-"Moob support"

27/03/19 9:07:35

'Mummy's purse will be safe here.'

17/01/19 20:07:18

*Thinks* 'So much better than a car window'

13/01/19 20:49:58

He's hoping this style will take off

06/01/19 8:03:50

Where there's muck there's ass

30/11/18 8:04:34

No need to stop - you're being waved through.

05/11/18 12:03:48

Party pupa

29/08/18 9:47:06

A bug's wife

16/12/17 13:58:48

Dressed to kill

18/05/17 13:45:59

clever

'The greedy cow can go without her Milk Tray,' thought Eddie.

11/04/17 21:40:32

Rooms with a hue

08/10/16 13:54:53

Sales slump

04/10/16 20:00:20

lol

'It looks like your nan's going for a number two.'

10/09/16 8:09:30

"We'll get you out, mate...Don't fret"

Thu 8:24:02

lol

♪ Dove don't live here anymore ♪

07/04/19 18:39:59

Tweetie Bye

07/04/19 13:17:10

That's definitely not somewhere I'd keep my banana

10/02/19 20:19:33

"I'll just stop for a snack, then I'll carrion."

20/11/18 20:06:36

The race was on. No-one likes being late for bingo.

08/06/18 21:01:31

It always makes people smile

13/05/18 21:01:08

lol

She doesn't comb here often

12/05/18 16:47:32

She used to be all fingers and thumbs... it's no longer a problem

24/02/18 22:01:10

Arm chair

30/08/17 20:56:24

Which one's Prince Charmin?

27/04/17 20:14:07

Tripli Kate

02/04/17 9:14:41

Cool! No plugs, cables or batteries. Someone should have invented this ages ago.

09/03/17 9:52:17

"Mummm! Look what the cat's dragged in..."

20/11/16 20:15:16

"He's always trying to outshine his brother"

19/10/16 21:33:58

Ian was very proud of his big pecker

13/09/16 21:16:18

"Old man, would you like me to help you cross the road?"

17/02/19 10:18:48

"We were victims of a property slump"

11/02/19 21:12:02

He must be going to Bury

03/08/18 9:35:45

'Kids should be seen and not herded'

09/11/17 8:20:15

The final of 'Don't Step on the Cracks' was hotting up

27/09/17 8:50:47

Andy's talking out of his backside again

16/07/17 20:13:33

♪Tow, tow, tow your boat gently down the street...

31/03/17 8:18:52

"Don't trust her! She's always going back on her word."

11/02/17 12:28:27

Caught short

23/01/17 8:24:36

The black one is a higher car

01/11/16 8:13:54

The speed Mr Timpson was cycling at really set the tongues wagging

24/10/16 20:20:38

Old habits die hard for Michael Flatley

18/10/16 14:41:35

"Can we arrest a wall, Sarge?"
"Well, it is causing an obstruction."

24/01/19 8:11:33

"You're late! The dog's in your dinner."

18/01/19 13:33:52

He needs to alter the flutter speed

10/12/18 8:17:50

"Ballet my arse," moaned Jim Royle. "Be more bloody manly... like Patrick Swayze in Dirty Dancing. Try the lift - I'll be Baby."

03/11/18 21:34:18

"...so, Mr Chairman, we believe we may have some sort of mole within the company."

03/11/18 13:48:26

Bruce Wayne wasn't too sure about his new tailor

30/10/18 8:31:09

'Pah... Amateur,' thought Fido. 'He hasn't cocked his leg.'

27/10/18 21:00:01

He was about to find out he'd married a right nag

26/09/18 20:02:24

"What a delightful estate and such a charming gardener."

25/09/18 8:35:56

Simbaotic relationship

15/09/18 8:42:11

What do you call a group of hats...? A fedoration.

19/06/18 20:50:30

Must be an extraction fan

21/05/18 16:50:38

Some people just have to milk every photo opportunity

15/05/18 14:04:16

lol

It was pot luck night at the tanning salon

06/04/18 15:36:23

Ah, here's lunch. Careful with the camera... we'll put it on eBay later.

02/02/18 13:36:08

She looks full of it

31/01/18 20:19:51

I'm not sitting here any more, I'm bordeaux this

12/12/17 21:00:39

Well dear, I think that's the last of the Trick or Treaters

06/11/17 8:20:39

Bob

18/10/17 20:11:51

"Doggone it! That's 119 missed lampposts."

17/10/17 14:11:30

Trev tried to hide behind his respectable day job but everyone knew he was really a troll.

05/10/17 11:12:27

With her new vision aids, Cynthia felt that she'd turned a corner

09/07/17 8:46:24

"The Anger Management Classes are this way."
"No, they're not, they're down that road."
"I'M EFFING TELLING YOU, THEY'RE THIS EFFING WAY!"

15/02/17 11:18:53

Let the dog-washing commence

14/02/17 14:14:27

They were definitely in there when we set off

04/02/17 8:01:51

lol

Big Ed!

20/12/16 8:00:15

A gas trick delight?

02/12/16 9:53:18

'Did someone just pin the tail correctly?'

15/10/16 8:26:36

Postal Strike!

25/08/16 12:29:21

lol

"I fake tanned before I came out, okay?"

01/03/19 21:31:34

lol

Helicopter hairdos are more prone to crash landings

06/01/19 14:09:21

"Hah! That's the last time he'll try to p-p-p-pick me up..."

20/09/18 8:05:55

"Huh, what's this paper stuff? I heard her bag's full of bread."

31/08/18 8:15:17

Tittoo

10/08/18 8:13:47

It's generally easier swimming with currants

26/07/18 21:04:01

Walls have fears

15/06/18 18:37:28

Nora Batty

05/04/18 8:42:19

She'd bagged herself a bloke

01/03/18 8:04:57

Having a skinful can be A positive experience

05/02/18 8:04:45

'Now,' pondered Miss Jones, 'Where is that file on "Acceptable Dress Policy and Sexual Harassment in the Workplace"?'

17/01/18 15:11:39

Satzoomer

09/01/18 8:40:06

Keeping her heir dry?

21/12/17 15:55:00

Waiting for a vote

09/12/17 10:21:59

- "Can I have my shirt back, Officer?"
- "Button it, Sonny."

06/10/17 15:42:00

"Yeah, sometimes she's putty in my hands but other times she can be a pane."

09/07/17 20:29:23

Dave hits the headlines

04/02/17 20:17:56

Len's waiting in the wing

10/01/17 19:22:43

"I'd try one, but I do think the little man on the top is rather garish!"

05/01/17 9:17:22

"New Year's resolution? To remember to put my top on before my early morning jog!"

02/01/17 8:01:31

"Don't mess with me Officer! I broke a nail doing the grocery shopping and I am NOT happy!"

30/12/16 11:11:56

lol

"Oooh Mabel, I'll race you to t'seefront!"

07/12/16 8:18:20

With a little more stretching he'll have jug ears soon

23/11/16 20:22:04

The town boasts a small car plant

09/10/16 20:47:02

'My other car's a shed!'

03/09/16 13:20:46

Josie and the technicolor dreamboat

10/04/19 8:12:06

I think I'll skip this picture

16/03/19 16:46:28

Chappuccino

26/02/19 8:18:31

Ears looking at yew, kid

18/02/19 12:01:11

Red and Ginger

09/02/19 20:00:38

He asked if he cadaver lift but he never said where to. He's been with us for five years now.

25/01/19 8:13:47

"You've gone too far again, Lucy. I only said you need to lighten up..."

21/01/19 20:27:37

lol

'Hmm, there's Tiddles being photographed, I bet he's next up on Caption.me'

14/01/19 14:40:45

"I've got it, Ginger. Audrey Hepburn, Breakfast at Tiffanys... My go."

30/12/18 9:34:02

"Good work, son. You've cleared the beach for us."

15/12/18 13:53:19

"So where do YOU think we parked it?"

24/10/18 20:39:21

06/10/18 14:12:25

ThreeLance photographer

12/09/18 20:35:39

"Book 'em, Danno, for non-display of a Blue Badge"

01/09/18 21:36:52

Noo-Noo had a major clean-up job after the apocalypse had struck Teletubbyland

14/07/18 20:05:49

Better call in the reffurry

23/06/18 13:29:21

"Luke, it's no use trying to hide that lightsaber."

22/06/18 8:26:55

Ah, so that's why they're called nap sacks

09/06/18 14:49:36

A bolder sign is required

24/03/18 8:31:00

The Black-Eyed Frozen Peas

03/03/18 20:26:25

That moment when the Hotel Manager knocks and you're wearing a tablecloth you stole from the dining room at lunchtime

15/01/18 21:34:05

You can always spot a uni student coming home with a bag of dirty laundry and scabies

01/01/18 21:04:01

"What a sweetie and he looks just like his parents in the last photo"

24/12/17 20:12:48

I lav you too

08/12/17 8:11:09

"It's not heavy, just put your back into it."

01/11/17 8:36:44

"That looks heavy, let me give you a hand."

01/11/17 8:26:54

On holiday Doctor Foster and his family were somewhat underwhelmed with the quality of the puddles

14/10/17 21:55:37

Don't roll your eyes at me!

13/10/17 20:20:20

'Yes, Darling, I do know where the sheets and curtains are. I'll explain later.'

05/10/17 20:40:07

"Hoskins, you're fired. I asked for a big promotional handout."

15/09/17 21:04:04

"Sashay through the park and give me a sexy backwards glance like this, OK?"

29/08/17 8:45:15

"Come on, I've been waiting here a pharaoh while."

22/08/17 8:59:39

lol

Spider's phrenology classes proved worthwhile after a detailed cranial examination revealed he was indeed in the grip of an utter maniac

16/08/17 10:17:04

"Kids today have no table manners"

04/07/17 8:20:24

"There's Ivy, Fern and... oh, hello Vera."

30/05/17 12:15:52

Dave worried that he had too much time on his stands

08/04/17 14:46:29

Dummy run

31/03/17 22:14:48

Arthur's car was up for sale. It was going for a song.

22/02/17 9:35:32

Dave may have looked a prat in his underwater gear but he won the Silhouette Competition with his mean devil shadow

13/02/17 8:25:18

It must be a catfish... It's in a litter tray!

03/01/17 20:51:05

The sign said: 'Keep To The Left And Hold On To The Rail'. What a naughty girl!

25/11/16 9:09:12

Gullp!

20/09/16 8:49:49

'I'm beginning to wish we hadn't picked up those scattered pallets on West Street!'

06/09/16 8:43:46

lol

'They'll never know I'm wearing pink lace panties under this lot!'

02/09/16 12:43:34

"I'm not just a pretty face, you know" murmured Vivienne Westwood

15/04/19 13:28:29

Here's my latest squeeze - I just love sucking his face

19/03/19 8:24:03

For the smouldering femme fatale

15/02/19 8:30:19

"Dave, get rid of it. I said I wanted a big, showy plant."

21/01/19 9:00:47

♪ Run Carrot, run Carrot. Run! Run! Run! ♪

31/12/18 12:52:33

"Why are you wearing those darned things?"

29/12/18 14:05:52

The sign reads: CAUTION - I know nothing about this, the dick sitting next to me set this up but I am going to jump up suddenly and using no hands, remove this train window.

14/12/18 21:47:00

The bench was quite correct. It would have been rude to comment on the unfortunate witch's crash landing.

25/11/18 20:11:26

"We'd better hide up here, mother's a bit grizzly this morning."

02/11/18 8:15:09

"SHAAAARON!" wailed Ozzy. "I've got my nose caught."

31/10/18 8:14:17

"This is Matt, my new boyfriend. I love his rugged good looks."

27/10/18 12:52:00

Party bags

15/10/18 8:21:24

Santa's spittle helper

14/10/18 21:12:45

Sharon's weight had recently ballooned

29/09/18 8:26:00

It can be so dangerous wearing flip flops

07/09/18 20:18:05

- "Hello, everyone."
- "HYGIENE."

29/08/18 13:21:12

"If you want a lift, just give us a ring"

24/08/18 13:09:22

For turd class despatches

04/06/18 20:22:19

No-one likes a twosie in their onesie

07/05/18 20:39:58

"Don't be so silly! Daleks don't need a wee."

25/04/18 20:41:25

"That's the cat who got the cream... the pies, the cakes and the biscuits."

17/03/18 20:42:52

Hairy, sullen, monosyllabic - Bubbles was very disappointed with his date.

14/03/18 20:42:59

creative

Andy gently removed wax from Sarah's ear hole

07/03/18 14:49:03

GRRRR...!! YAP...! KA-BOW WOW...!!! WOOF...!!!

30/01/18 14:46:13

She's a bit of a mall-teaser

26/01/18 22:27:33

Nobody, nobody, was gonna take Pooh's hunny.

11/01/18 13:43:32

Gary Litter

05/01/18 16:12:01