"Might you be pregnant, Tina?"

15/03/24 8:19:44

lol clever

"I do hope Dave and Sandra are okay at the kennels."

29/09/22 8:27:36

creative

"Oh, that's better. I kneaded that."

03/07/21 20:36:21

lol

"You think you've got problems," said the potatoes. "They gouged our eyes out!"

12/01/24 12:18:23

"Waking up in the gutter, lads, that was some stag do."

11/01/24 8:05:25

lol

"Do you mind...? I work nights, you know."

28/02/19 20:54:27

There's a message in there somewhere

24/03/24 8:19:58

Dinner's on me

29/01/24 20:15:59

For those who like a flutter on a horse

12/05/23 12:31:52

When you wish you hadn't forgotten your wallet

25/03/24 12:02:10

lol creative

Sometimes, you just need to treat yourself to some new boots.

22/02/24 8:07:10

The Lord certainly does move in a mysterious way

01/08/23 20:09:17

"Why are you upset...? I said 'I'd give you a ring from Cartier'."

03/09/19 13:31:20

clever x4

Dave, a budding photographer, really hoped the bird would fly off so he could take a better shot

11/06/18 20:39:08

"See THAT...? THAT is how you do a French manicure."

11/08/20 12:32:31

Purrverts

07/07/20 12:06:54

One of my rasher purchases

01/09/18 8:23:17

Clearly they have some very bright pupils

30/08/18 20:25:06

"...but Noah I've got TWO wives!"

21/09/23 20:08:05

Putting the 'fun' into funeral

01/05/23 12:10:41

creative

"So tell me again. You bought a six inch strip of land and..."

16/07/21 12:23:16

Fried and gone to heaven

27/08/18 12:16:33

lol

"Mum... The dog's eaten all the cheese and pineapple

01/04/17 8:22:41

clever

"Hmm, I could put you on the donor list. Or you could have a good look down the side of the sofa and in the dog's bed?"

31/03/24 20:38:40

"I'm not sure, Gerald. What's wrong with fifty shades of grey?"

25/07/23 8:02:40

"I had a bad reaction to this and went to A & E. I waited ages to be seen."

05/12/22 20:27:40

He's going to need a bigger newspaper

19/06/22 8:03:33

lol

"Dave, just give me back the salmon and we'll say no more about it"

23/05/21 8:41:39

Synchronised swarming

18/10/20 8:45:30

"Would you do us a favour and fetch my stick?"

20/07/20 8:25:19

lol

I can't see the point of these

08/09/18 20:04:05

creative

🎵 Pump up the volumes

06/05/24 8:12:34

They didn't let their terrible colds spoil the day.

05/04/24 8:22:29

Dave was out canvassing for votes on behalf of the Conservatories.

07/05/23 20:13:37

"It's octuplets again, Mrs Petrov."

18/11/22 8:00:12

"Where did you get all your bling from?"
"Mumbai."
"Oh, that's very generous of her."

04/11/20 15:06:08

Culture shock

30/05/20 20:49:04

Not often seen in a Quality Street

14/08/24 8:06:51

Dressed to kill

30/07/24 8:02:35

They're the cat's pyjamas

08/02/24 20:06:09

creative

Jacuzzi Cousteau

23/06/23 12:44:48

"Nobody's gonna call me a couch potato."

08/05/23 12:00:13

🎵 I'm Singh in the rain

07/05/23 8:01:35, edited: 07/05/23 8:01:48

"Now we have the x-rays we can clearly see there is no change."

06/11/22 8:38:34

Try not to call everyone 'Dave'.

12/08/22 20:16:20

lol creative

Sat in the waiting room Dave was absolutely bricking it. He'd heard the giant sandpaper tongue lacerations were excruciating but he really wanted rid of his tattoos.

07/08/22 8:34:04

clever

The plight of the bumblebee

25/01/22 8:00:50

"I'll have to go, I'm out of lolly."

05/12/21 8:05:07

"Here's some cream for it."

25/06/21 20:03:42

lol

"You really should see a vet about that conjunctivitis."

20/04/21 14:08:41

"Who lives there?"
"A stuck up cow."

16/02/21 20:00:25

Game over

26/10/20 20:01:19

lol

Dave's action shot was ruined by a bunch of dorks

01/04/20 8:16:50

I know the name but I don't recognize their faeces

07/04/19 20:13:06

creative

🎵 Sisters are doing it for their selfies 🎵

27/08/18 20:09:05

"Anyone ready for craps in the lounge?"

22/08/18 8:33:16

lol

Dave's dad hadn't quite grasped the rudiments of 'Spin The Bottle'.

18/01/17 20:08:11

🎵 These boots were made for walkies 🎵

22/05/24 8:17:29

"Im guessing you don't comb here very often?"

06/04/24 20:05:19

Baited breath

14/03/24 8:36:08

There were no guests, it was a privet affair.

12/11/23 12:13:09

Weburyanycar.com

06/10/23 8:17:03

lol

"Thanks, Gran. The jumper fits perfectly."

08/04/23 20:00:10

May the force pee with you

28/03/23 12:02:26

Best buds. Their relationship has really blossomed.

13/07/22 20:23:23

'Fetch!? In these heels? You must be kidding.'

30/06/22 20:17:07

lol x2

Raj let out the biggest fart imaginable. It caused quite a stir.

06/12/21 20:36:29

Euston, we have a problem

14/11/21 8:47:42

"Sesame Street? Hmm, take the third left then it's first on your right."

24/07/21 8:04:45

A prime example of why single-use plastic drinking straws were banned.

09/07/21 8:16:11

"...and where did you grow up?"
"Oldham, Sir."
"Oh, don't mind if one does."

27/05/21 20:34:51

🎵 Always look on the bright cider life

13/01/21 20:23:51

How to scare the crap out of a woodpecker.

29/10/20 20:49:55

"Dinner's on me..."

12/09/20 20:22:44

'Wish I'd never taught them how to play games on their phones'

29/05/20 12:12:51

He's become part of the furniture...

08/07/19 20:14:31

lol

"Love, you sure that new washing powder is colour-safe?"

16/06/19 20:39:27

For the fashion-conscious deep sea diva

02/03/19 10:17:32

"Well, I've had Stella, Brandy, Margarita, Sherry, Shandy, Chardonnay, Tia and Maria. I s'pose I must've asked for it."

19/01/19 14:14:59

A fishful of dollars

28/12/18 12:08:51

"I tried lifting a mini once - I got slapped across my face"

07/12/18 13:35:03

clever

Sagittarius: You're feeling a strong urge to share your load but be careful or your hard work may go down the pan. Today's lucky number: 2.

05/09/17 9:11:00

"OMG! The snow plough's coming!"

06/12/16 8:08:11

clever

So, are you a leg or breast man?

Mon 12:24:47

creative

...and I've just been cured of my foot fetish

12/02/24 8:04:47

"I think you were a brilliant Prime Minister, Liz."
"Thanks, Mum."

22/09/23 10:21:53

Would-be suitors should see how many loyalty points she has

07/09/23 12:54:31

"At night, if we're really quiet we can hear the moths coughing."

23/08/23 8:27:46

"That's the last time I sit on the top deck. I missed my bloody stop!"

15/09/22 20:03:06

No, I would NOT like the matching trousers.

02/07/22 8:47:07

Haircutting: In Three Easy Steps

18/06/22 8:13:24

It was an unfortunate way to find out her mother had a prosthetic arm.

18/01/22 20:39:06

"Is there a deluxe version with a tongue?"
(Asking for a friend)

03/11/21 12:39:41

Baby on board

20/10/21 12:00:22

clever

"No comment"

02/10/21 15:03:22