| This Week | Last Week | All Time | |||||||
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| Added | Score | Rank | Added | Score | Rank | Added | Score | Rank | |
| Captions | 7 | 17 | #24 | 18 | 69 | #5 | 6204 | 16301 | #9 |
| Comments | 288 | 269 | #17 | ||||||
| Forum Posts | 1 | 4 | |||||||
Mark England
signed up: 7 years, 11 months ago
profile viewed: 103 time(s) this week
caption quota: 79
votes given since joining: 10,609
super vote quota: 67
captions
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12/03/14 12:37:33 |
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30/07/13 12:21:55 |
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July's caption of the month, posted to the official caption.me Facebook page. Congrats! --Chris Beach
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27/04/20 12:12:35 |
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03/04/20 8:09:53 |
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02/05/19 8:16:05 |
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21/10/16 12:54:20 |
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18/09/12 20:10:56 |
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"Flippin' hell, Edmund, Who cares if it's creased? Just stick the flag in the bloody summit" 24/06/19 20:30:04 |
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£50  01/10/18 20:04:56 |
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I'm absolutely thrilled. Thanks to everyone for the votes and kind comments --Mark England
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In his younger days, Don King had a fetish for licking squirrels arses 23/01/17 20:16:38 |
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It's based on Don King's unique hairstyle --Mark England
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27/08/13 20:01:41 |
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22/10/18 20:44:22 |
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It's situated in a close knit community 15/02/17 20:06:24 |
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Due to a bagpipe shortage, Luton's 'Scottish Exile Pipe Band' had to improvise 22/05/20 12:12:57 |
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But it was a bit of a Wee Crankie idea. --Woofer 6
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"Good afternoon. Today, we are in Delhi, for the semi finals of the Extreme Jenga Championship.." 30/06/19 12:05:59 |
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"All I did was order a pint of cider" 02/04/16 20:05:57 |
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05/05/20 20:11:08 |
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Rice wine made with fox? Those Japanese will eat anything! 22/03/18 12:09:42 |
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"My nose is running" 24/11/13 20:20:38 |
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lmfao...bravo. --Ross Davidson
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19/09/12 8:01:41 |
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06/09/12 12:10:26 |
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"Hello, I'm Dr Ball. How many mushrooms have you swallowed?" 30/04/20 8:27:16 |
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Some Paralympic events simply do not work 09/04/20 8:35:58 |
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I hate myself, but I can't stop laughing at this. --James Lennox
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"I got rid of that frog in my throat, but I'm still a little hoarse" 16/08/19 12:04:54 |
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"I found it in the road. It's a 'Truck-killed flattypuss'" 19/09/18 8:53:27 |
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07/02/17 12:13:01 |
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"I want peanuts, a size 48 tutu and some sticky buns....or I drop the boy" 10/05/15 12:16:55 |
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in your opinion. --Lucky Elperro
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"I see Spiderman was pissed again last night" 05/04/15 12:00:58 |
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"Good man, you got the razor blade. Now let's see how cute the meerkat looks without ears" 11/07/14 21:00:38 |
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Is it just me, or this the best round of captions in ages? I love this. --Michael Winner
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05/07/14 12:19:27 |
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24/03/14 20:16:35 |
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George was hoping to make the Olympus diving team 26/01/14 10:37:47 |
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05/10/12 12:08:49 |
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"Steak and Kidney £2, Mince Beef £1.50 and Cheese and Ham £1" 29/08/12 12:52:52 |
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25/04/14 12:07:08 |
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Ok. No need to Ramadan our throats 31/08/12 12:14:25 |
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28/08/12 12:44:28 |
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"It's sore?. Well I told you to stick to the italian, but no, you had to go and eat the Indian" 19/08/19 9:37:25 |
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"You spoil that bloody hamster" 30/03/19 8:06:50 |
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28/08/18 12:07:39 |
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Are you constipated? Is your toilet full of overgrown flowers? Then you could do with a prune. 07/02/15 20:29:27 |
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23/03/20 20:02:36 |
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13/03/20 20:08:04 |
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"So how will I recognise you?" 24/11/19 21:01:22 |
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"Well, I told you not to pull its tail" 16/11/17 20:27:03 |
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Anon. As it’s panto season you missed ‘Ooooh’ from the start of your comment --Mr Dome
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03/10/17 20:00:51 |
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...specializing in REALLY HEAVY construction. --Greg Curtis
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27/08/17 20:08:24 |
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01/04/15 21:51:15 |
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must be me but its a bit sick! --Bad Boy Dennis.
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25/09/14 12:05:16 |
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15/05/14 20:24:32 |
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08/03/14 20:08:26 |
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The moody blue background is perfect. --Pete
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Since the rabbit incident, King Midas was banned from keeping pets 15/01/14 8:39:19 |
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The owner has earned a fortune from this bar. Now he'd rather be called Filthy Rich. 23/10/13 12:05:47 |
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Bless. Dalek babies are so cute. 25/01/13 9:19:38 |
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29/05/20 12:16:53 |
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''So I decided during the train journey that when I grew up I would make all those f-cking Captioneers suffer, including my parents.''Extract from Anon's autobiography --Dave Bryan
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"Bloody weirdo. Did you feel him dressing us with his eyes?" 28/05/20 12:39:29 |
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That's the good thing about self isolating. I've finally got to clear out my kitchen drawers. 10/04/20 20:10:55 |
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When I clean out my drawers, I just throw them in the washing machine. --Willie Johnson
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23/10/19 8:37:49 |
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05/10/19 9:33:02 |
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Only some areas of his body need a bit of touching up --Mr Dome
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"Mmmmm, Chinese, Indian, Italian...I just love these 'all you can eat' buffets" 17/08/19 12:06:13 |
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03/08/19 15:14:12 |
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Well done, this was a tough pic. --James Lennox
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30/04/19 12:50:42 |
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"Excuse me mate, I think you're in my seat" 21/09/18 12:01:06 |
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"Serves you right. Fighting to lick the cream off the whisk" 27/05/18 13:37:39 |
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The Rubber Lipped Duck Eating Carp just opens its mouth and waits 18/09/17 12:37:18 |
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Just seen this... bloody brilliant! --Tony Busby
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31/08/15 21:54:35 |
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"I am not a number, I am a free dog!" 22/06/15 8:53:13 |
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21/04/15 14:38:37 |
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"I think he's dead Mr Barrymore" 26/03/15 8:02:39 |
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15/08/14 12:00:36 |
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01/08/14 8:08:35 |
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It was often said that Chris looked a lot like his mummy 20/04/14 8:05:37 |
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Colin loved vegetables. Especially leeks, which was a big plus 10/04/14 20:41:39 |
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"and the main hazard for the Yellow Caterpillar is being attacked by Soldier Ants" 06/04/14 20:38:23 |
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03/03/14 12:05:44 |
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the banner must have hurt a bit also. --Lucky Elperro
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" I can see ya cowering behind the steering wheel. Come out Matthews, you murdering bastard" 25/09/13 12:20:26 |
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If you had watched your family live their lives in cramped conditions and forced to over eat only to be carried out naked, headless and covered in cling film you could be excused a little colourful language --John Llamas
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"These magic mushrooms aren't any good. Let's ask this giant worm if he knows where we can get any" 11/06/13 13:31:11 |
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05/06/13 13:02:28 |
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06/03/13 12:03:12 |
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WARNING. Smoking can give you stoat cancer 20/02/13 8:04:15 |
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09/01/13 12:13:59 |
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"Ha Ha. They fell for the old church roof routine again" 04/11/12 12:04:11 |
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Waleed Chakroun was fed up with tourists walking into his house and shitting in his sink 16/10/12 20:20:29 |
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21/09/12 8:28:06 |
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11/09/12 8:01:45 |
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Lee King. Water pistol repairs. 20/08/12 8:04:29 |
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In cardboard city, the other tramps considered Bill a bit snobby 30/09/14 12:07:03 |
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06/05/14 20:23:02 |
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So that's how they make the orange ones. 06/02/14 10:21:15 |
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My wife's the same. She always covers herself when she's changing too. 31/01/14 8:05:20 |
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Security firm 'Immort Alarms' need a new company sign writer. 03/12/13 12:47:11 |
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Nicely done :-) --Oli Blackwell
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As if by magic....the shopkeeper appeared 14/09/13 12:25:09 |
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02/09/13 20:00:42 |
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This is an off-the-charts cute idea. I think drunkeys would be a huge hit. --Greg Curtis
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20/06/13 12:09:17 |
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''Call crime poppers now on 0800 555 111'' --Ross Davidson
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"You can fuck off with that fiddle, I'm not jumping over the Moon tonight" 17/06/13 12:04:16 |
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18/04/13 8:04:45 |
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The title of the photo is "Rear View" lol --Jessica Eitzen
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To boldly row, where no man has rowed before 14/04/13 20:03:05 |
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World War 2, France, a captured airman is made to prove his nationality with the 'Can Can' test. 12/04/13 20:51:44 |
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Before Arnold Schwarzenegger agreed to do the role, The Terminator was set to star Charles Hawtrey. 29/01/13 13:46:59 |
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29/10/12 8:00:35 |
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03/10/12 13:54:22 |
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26/09/12 8:26:11 |
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20/08/12 8:13:03 |
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"In 2nd place we have Geppetto, who carries his fibbing son by his nose" 14/05/20 12:05:07 |
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30/04/20 20:13:11 |
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Those 'come to bed' stares --Mr Dome
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🎵 I'm Popeye the sailor mannequin 🎵 02/03/20 12:52:12 |
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The Roman Empire was overthrown by a military coo 15/01/20 8:58:28 |
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Being Scottish, that caption got me searching the photo for a bovine. --Molly R
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01/11/19 12:04:35 |
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Or stein in Frank? --Willie Johnson
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Rock pools are a great place to catch crabs 28/10/19 20:23:42 |
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"We had pancakes yesterday. Today's Ash Wednesday" 16/08/19 20:24:15 |
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You just can't get the staff these days 11/04/19 20:01:01 |
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"Midas! Stop playing with your food" 24/03/19 12:08:03 |
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20/03/19 8:16:48 |
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I think that's horrible :-( --Molly R
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"Buy our chickens at knocked down prices" 12/11/18 20:51:06 |
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22/10/18 12:37:54 |
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11/09/18 12:04:34 |
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"Have I got any African in me? Well, I did have about 9 months ago" 31/08/18 12:41:18 |
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03/06/18 20:47:36 |
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"I'm not hiding under here" lied Pinocchio 04/01/18 8:03:41 |
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"Sorry, we can't go any further ladies. I can hear a rattle in the engine" 04/02/17 9:07:16 |
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Hyenas like to LOL in the grass 26/01/17 21:34:44 |
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"Darling. You know when you said that the wine tasted like cat's piss..." 15/12/16 20:10:01 |
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At the nudist club, all members must wear a hat 17/09/16 8:10:51 |
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I like to think about the Spice Girls in the nude. Sometimes I keep my clothes on for it. --Michael Monkhouse
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Ben just couldn't control his crack addiction 08/06/16 12:05:10 |
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"That's strange. The streets are desserted" 11/05/16 20:01:41 |
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Just saying your caption is super-clever! --larry G.
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24/11/15 12:07:20 |
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"I told you not to take too long in the car wash" 27/06/15 11:13:52 |
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"..so Mr Jones, we are going to give you a cat scan.." 05/11/19 8:14:58 |
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"Don't you think that you're taking this sand castle building competition a bit too serious?" 29/08/19 8:08:34 |
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28/07/19 20:32:58 |
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"What idiot put the sloth over the piranha tank?" 06/06/19 20:29:23 |
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27/03/19 21:06:37 |
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05/10/18 12:21:13 |
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"There's gold in them thar heels" 14/05/18 12:55:16 |
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24/03/18 20:32:32 |
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29/12/16 12:09:29 |
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"Has anyone seen Baby's Farley's Rusks?" 05/10/16 14:07:06 |
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man i laughed so hard hahahahahaha --sandeep chahal
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25/06/16 12:13:27 |
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27/01/16 12:19:56 |
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01/11/15 20:00:50 |
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"I know that the new cleaner might be a bit clumsy, but she works for peanuts" 31/10/15 12:18:31 |
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Yes but she has a snort for free --Bad Boy Dennis.
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11/10/15 20:00:37 |
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28/08/14 20:00:35 |
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An old man of 80, John was very proud of his body, and judging by his shadow, I would be too 03/06/14 12:19:50 |
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I see your point. --John Glover
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"Fucking Hell Heston, I just wanted a coke!" 01/02/14 9:06:52 |
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It's so cold up on the moors that even the sheep wear balaclavas 06/01/14 20:15:42 |
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baalaclavas maybe? --Cath Jones
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26/11/13 20:03:01 |
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"No love, I said could you get a DULUX colour chart" 21/10/13 9:21:40 |
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"I wish I was a Springer Spaniel" 31/05/13 12:14:32 |
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22/03/13 9:15:50 |
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05/11/12 9:07:38 |
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She's lucky it wasn't a Shihtzu 24/09/12 8:29:07 |
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02/09/12 12:03:07 |
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"Return to the Planet of the Apes please" 26/07/12 21:22:46 |
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18/07/12 11:19:24 |
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28/06/14 20:03:36 |
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 20/05/14 20:01:03 |
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"Ok 40 quid it is. I'll have the dead corgi delivered tomorrow, Stavros." 16/02/14 9:38:41 |
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08/12/13 8:57:12 |
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He absolutely worships that bike 28/09/13 9:08:05 |
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13/06/13 8:24:38 |
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I love nature trails. You see all types of beetle 08/03/13 8:07:34 |
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04/03/13 8:09:52 |
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like touching kidds --Ross Davidson
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09/11/12 20:11:27 |
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09/11/12 12:21:16 |
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His hut was the envy of the village. It had all mud cons. 03/10/12 8:08:29 |
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02/10/12 12:04:08 |
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01/10/12 20:03:22 |
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18/09/12 8:01:01 |
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"Blimey, he has more chins than my address book" 12/09/12 8:02:29 |
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"And what would you like in your sandwich sir?" 29/08/12 12:18:24 |
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25/08/12 12:27:47 |
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12/08/12 20:00:48 |
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11/08/12 14:54:25 |
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'Hello officer, it's Warwick Davis here. I've had five pairs of jeans stolen from my washing line" 25/05/20 12:11:16 |
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- "Thank you sir, Ok girls spread 'em!" --Guideaux .
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"I can see it's head. Come on. One more push" 25/04/20 8:40:45 |
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"It stops people staring at my bald patch" 05/03/20 8:35:05 |
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15/02/20 20:23:46 |
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The dress is brown and white but some people see Green and Black 03/11/19 20:27:03 |
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24/10/19 20:22:33 |
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"Careful with those letters, they're really sharp. Yesterday, somebody lost an I" 10/10/19 12:14:11 |
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"We're having an English Summer" 27/09/19 20:13:51 |
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06/09/19 8:00:56 |
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Never order Surf 'n' Turf in a French restaurant 16/08/19 12:14:03 |
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15/04/19 9:13:12 |
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Their car always leaves skid marks 07/04/19 20:01:55 |
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21/03/19 20:29:06 |
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Lol --The Wolf
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10/03/19 12:03:08 |
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20/08/18 12:17:25 |
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04/08/18 20:13:48 |
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16/03/18 21:17:04 |
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23/09/17 12:12:07 |
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I did, but she got confused when I mentioned doggy style 21/08/17 12:12:09 |
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Alas, he died in a shower of bullets 29/01/17 8:55:31 |
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The left side of Heather Mills' walk-in closet 07/01/17 12:42:26 |
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24/10/16 8:05:25 |
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Linda wanted a 'spoon'. Paddy just wanted a fork. 12/09/16 13:50:02 |
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Think this might be better as "Linda wanted a 'spoon'. Paddy just wanted a fork." ? --Chris Beach
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"OK, I heard you. Your car is covered in bees. No need to drone on about it" 26/08/16 12:19:44 |
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"No Mr Glitter. Dressing them up like that doesn't make it alright" 24/11/15 12:09:07 |
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"Sorry Sir, but you can't use the Bathhouse. It's members only" 24/09/15 12:19:44 |
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more captions
Hardy har har!
10:22pm
comment on caption:
The forest ranger then apprehended the chef for poaching [Mark England]
They melt in your mouth..if you've got a big gob like him.
2:16pm
comment on caption:
I wish Gulliver would stop playing with his Maltesers [Mark England]
Yeah & they can always cocker it up.
2:25pm
comment on caption:
I opened a 2nd factory, but was out of pugs, so I used a different breed. That threw a spaniel in the works [Mark England]
No I said...its a good fu..
10:19am
comment on caption:
"What do you mean, you're stuck?" [Mark England]
He ain't nothing but a Hound Dog.
9:08am
comment on caption:
"Hee Hee. I can't wait to see her face. I chewed out the last page" [Mark England]
But it was a bit of a Wee Crankie idea.
12:37pm
comment on caption:
Due to a bagpipe shortage, Luton's 'Scottish Exile Pipe Band' had to improvise [Mark England]
- "Thank you sir, Ok girls spread 'em!"
5:33pm
comment on caption:
'Hello officer, it's Warwick Davis here. I've had five pairs of jeans stolen from my washing line" [Mark England]
''So I decided during the train journey that when I grew up I would make all those f-cking Captioneers suffer, including my parents.''
Extract from Anon's autobiography
12:37pm
comment on caption:
Charlie hated caption time. [Mark England]
Not all anon, Dave.
(This is said in jest, not trying to argue.)
2:51pm
comment on caption:
Charlie hated caption time. [Mark England]
"Thanks, I've just been to the mare-dresser."
9:03am
comment on caption:
"Oh you've gone for a full fringe, I think it really suits you" [Mark England]