Mark England

"Sorry I grabbed you, Fido, I thought it was my lipstick"

01/10/18 20:04:56

I'm absolutely thrilled. Thanks to everyone for the votes and kind comments --Mark England

lol x3

In his younger days, Don King had a fetish for licking squirrels arses

23/01/17 20:16:38

It's based on Don King's unique hairstyle --Mark England

27/08/13 20:01:41

Police arrange an identity parade for a woman who claims that she was being watched through a keyhole of a swimming pool changing room

22/10/18 20:44:22

It's situated in a close knit community

15/02/17 20:06:24

"All I did was order a pint of cider"

02/04/16 20:05:57

Rice wine made with fox? Those Japanese will eat anything!

22/03/18 12:09:42

"My nose is running"
"So is the fucking groom.... DAVE!"

24/11/13 20:20:38

lmfao...bravo. --Ross Davidson

"Take me to your weeder"

19/09/12 8:01:41

Like a Wine Stoned Cowboy

06/09/12 12:10:26

"I found it in the road. It's a 'Truck-killed flattypuss'"

19/09/18 8:53:27

They lead up to A Flat

07/02/17 12:13:01

"I want peanuts, a size 48 tutu and some sticky buns....or I drop the boy"

10/05/15 12:16:55

in your opinion. --Lucky Elperro

"I see Spiderman was pissed again last night"

05/04/15 12:00:58

"Good man, you got the razor blade. Now let's see how cute the meerkat looks without ears"

11/07/14 21:00:38

Is it just me, or this the best round of captions in ages? I love this. --Michael Winner

Gerbal Tea

05/07/14 12:19:27

"Run Forrest Run"

24/03/14 20:16:35

George was hoping to make the Olympus diving team

26/01/14 10:37:47

Raveheart

05/10/12 12:08:49

"Steak and Kidney �2, Mince Beef �1.50 and Cheese and Ham �1"
Pie rates of the Caribbean

29/08/12 12:52:52

Walkies with dinosaurs

25/04/14 12:07:08

Ok. No need to Ramadan our throats

31/08/12 12:14:25

Only pools and horses

28/08/12 12:44:28

"You spoil that bloody hamster"

30/03/19 8:06:50

Isle of Nan TT

28/08/18 12:07:39

Are you constipated? Is your toilet full of overgrown flowers? Then you could do with a prune.

07/02/15 20:29:27

"Well, I told you not to pull its tail"

16/11/17 20:27:03

Anon. As it’s panto season you missed ‘Ooooh’ from the start of your comment --Mr Dome

Blob the Builder

03/10/17 20:00:51

...specializing in REALLY HEAVY construction. --Greg Curtis

"Don't roll your eyes at me"

27/08/17 20:08:24

"You spoil that bloody Dingo"

01/04/15 21:51:15

must be me but its a bit sick! --Bad Boy Dennis.

clever x2

Japanory

25/09/14 12:05:16

creative x2

After successfully choreographing the Y.M.C.A dance, the dancers found that D.I.V.O.R.C.E by Tammy Wynette was harder to master.

15/05/14 20:24:32

Nights In Light Latin

08/03/14 20:08:26

The moody blue background is perfect. --Pete

Since the rabbit incident, King Midas was banned from keeping pets

15/01/14 8:39:19

The owner has earned a fortune from this bar. Now he'd rather be called Filthy Rich.

23/10/13 12:05:47

Bless. Dalek babies are so cute.

25/01/13 9:19:38

"Excuse me mate, I think you're in my seat"

21/09/18 12:01:06

"Serves you right. Fighting to lick the cream off the whisk"

27/05/18 13:37:39

The Rubber Lipped Duck Eating Carp just opens its mouth and waits

18/09/17 12:37:18

Just seen this... bloody brilliant! --Tony Busby

creative x3

Story of Keith Richards
Stone is wet - on a bender
Stone is dry - hasn't drunk for 2 hours
Shadow on the ground - just chinned Hank Marvin
White on top - sneezed when taking coke
Can't see stone - hiding from Hank Marvin
Swinging stone - back in the sixties
Stone jumping up and down- can't find fags
Stone gone - in rehab

31/08/15 21:54:35

"I am not a number, I am a free dog!"

22/06/15 8:53:13

Half a dozen Seggs

21/04/15 14:38:37

"I think he's dead Mr Barrymore"

26/03/15 8:02:39

Shock waves

15/08/14 12:00:36

Meanwhile at the home for blind orphans....
"Sir, there's nothing coming out"
"Must be an airlock. Keep sucking son, keep sucking"

01/08/14 8:08:35

It was often said that Chris looked a lot like his mummy

20/04/14 8:05:37

Colin loved vegetables. Especially leeks, which was a big plus

10/04/14 20:41:39

"and the main hazard for the Yellow Caterpillar is being attacked by Soldier Ants"

06/04/14 20:38:23

Alas, his mother never fully recovered from giving birth to a six foot, fifteen stone, fully clothed baby.

03/03/14 12:05:44

the banner must have hurt a bit also. --Lucky Elperro

" I can see ya cowering behind the steering wheel. Come out Matthews, you murdering bastard"

25/09/13 12:20:26

If you had watched your family live their lives in cramped conditions and forced to over eat only to be carried out naked, headless and covered in cling film you could be excused a little colourful language --John Llamas

"These magic mushrooms aren't any good. Let's ask this giant worm if he knows where we can get any"

11/06/13 13:31:11

WARNING. Smoking can give you stoat cancer

A Nudist Columny

05/06/13 13:02:28

Grime Lord

06/03/13 12:03:12

20/02/13 8:04:15

Making Headlines

09/01/13 12:13:59

"Ha Ha. They fell for the old church roof routine again"

04/11/12 12:04:11

Waleed Chakroun was fed up with tourists walking into his house and shitting in his sink

16/10/12 20:20:29

Pray as you go

21/09/12 8:28:06

Beat it juice

11/09/12 8:01:45

Lee King. Water pistol repairs.

20/08/12 8:04:29

In cardboard city, the other tramps considered Bill a bit snobby

30/09/14 12:07:03

So that's how they make the orange ones.

I shit on your grave

06/05/14 20:23:02

06/02/14 10:21:15

My wife's the same. She always covers herself when she's changing too.

31/01/14 8:05:20

creative x2

Security firm 'Immort Alarms' need a new company sign writer.

03/12/13 12:47:11

Nicely done :-) --Oli Blackwell

As if by magic....the shopkeeper appeared

14/09/13 12:25:09

Drunkey

02/09/13 20:00:42

This is an off-the-charts cute idea. I think drunkeys would be a huge hit. --Greg Curtis

In an effort to win back dwindling audiences, Crimewatch UK are now doing police re-inactments through the concept of dance

20/06/13 12:09:17

''Call crime poppers now on 0800 555 111'' --Ross Davidson

"You can fuck off with that fiddle, I'm not jumping over the Moon tonight"

17/06/13 12:04:16

Rear view mirror

18/04/13 8:04:45

The title of the photo is "Rear View" lol --Jessica Eitzen

To boldly row, where no man has rowed before

14/04/13 20:03:05

World War 2, France, a captured airman is made to prove his nationality with the 'Can Can' test.

12/04/13 20:51:44

Before Arnold Schwarzenegger agreed to do the role, The Terminator was set to star Charles Hawtrey.

creative x2

29/01/13 13:46:59

Too many latte nights

29/10/12 8:00:35

Sixty, shades and grey

03/10/12 13:54:22

"And as the mother clown enters the nest, the clown chicks open their mouths in anticipation of a custard pie"

26/09/12 8:26:11

Squirty Harry

20/08/12 8:13:03

You just can't get the staff these days

11/04/19 20:01:01

"Midas! Stop playing with your food"

24/03/19 12:08:03

"Buy our chickens at knocked down prices"

"Smell your wife!"

20/03/19 8:16:48

I think that's horrible :-( --Molly R

12/11/18 20:51:06

"...and because of melting ice caps, the Polar Bear can travel up to 150 miles a day, looking for a substantial meal. This one is on the final leg of a 2000 mile round trip to Billingsgate Fish Market.."

22/10/18 12:37:54

"You spoil that bloody snake"

11/09/18 12:04:34

"Have I got any African in me? Well, I did have about 9 months ago"

31/08/18 12:41:18

"It matches the Arms chairs"

03/06/18 20:47:36

"I'm not hiding under here" lied Pinocchio

04/01/18 8:03:41

"Sorry, we can't go any further ladies. I can hear a rattle in the engine"

04/02/17 9:07:16

Hyenas like to LOL in the grass

26/01/17 21:34:44

"Darling. You know when you said that the wine tasted like cat's piss..."

15/12/16 20:10:01

At the nudist club, all members must wear a hat

17/09/16 8:10:51

I like to think about the Spice Girls in the nude. Sometimes I keep my clothes on for it. --Michael Monkhouse

Ben just couldn't control his crack addiction

08/06/16 12:05:10

"That's strange. The streets are desserted"

11/05/16 20:01:41

Just saying your caption is super-clever! --larry G.

Gran kids

24/11/15 12:07:20

"I told you not to take too long in the car wash"

27/06/15 11:13:52

Raj had a feeling that he was being ridiculed when he noticed the letters ARF on the other side of the microphone

27/03/19 21:06:37

Shampoo and Setter

05/10/18 12:21:13

"There's gold in them thar heels"

14/05/18 12:55:16

It was a bit of a shock when Chewbacca turned up for the Tennis Club's 10th Anniversary get together, but i suppose that they shouldn't have let Janice, who has a speech impediment, organise it. They were expecting Sue Barker

24/03/18 20:32:32

"We like to break their fingers at a young age" said a spokesman for Rail India. "This stops them hanging on our trains, later in life"

29/12/16 12:09:29

"Has anyone seen Baby's Farley's Rusks?"
"Nyom..Nom..Nom. Nope"

05/10/16 14:07:06

man i laughed so hard hahahahahaha --sandeep chahal

Nani

25/06/16 12:13:27

Stainsbury's

27/01/16 12:19:56

Many Glands Make Light Work

01/11/15 20:00:50

"I know that the new cleaner might be a bit clumsy, but she works for peanuts"

31/10/15 12:18:31

Yes but she has a snort for free --Bad Boy Dennis.

Shoe Horn

11/10/15 20:00:37

Static Eccentricity

28/08/14 20:00:35

An old man of 80, John was very proud of his body, and judging by his shadow, I would be too

03/06/14 12:19:50

I see your point. --John Glover

"Fucking Hell Heston, I just wanted a coke!"

01/02/14 9:06:52

It's so cold up on the moors that even the sheep wear balaclavas

06/01/14 20:15:42

baalaclavas maybe? --Cath Jones

"You spoil that bloody cat"

26/11/13 20:03:01

"No love, I said could you get a DULUX colour chart"

21/10/13 9:21:40

"I wish I was a Springer Spaniel"

31/05/13 12:14:32

Alley Barber

22/03/13 9:15:50

The boiler needs a service

05/11/12 9:07:38

She's lucky it wasn't a Shihtzu

24/09/12 8:29:07

Footlights

02/09/12 12:03:07

"Return to the Planet of the Apes please"

26/07/12 21:22:46

The King and Guy

18/07/12 11:19:24

"Ding Dong the bitch is fed"

28/06/14 20:03:36

"Ok 40 quid it is. I'll have the dead corgi delivered tomorrow, Stavros."

"The bastard is still standing, Coleen. Throw another one and knock the rest of his teeth out."

20/05/14 20:01:03

16/02/14 9:38:41

Chalk and Tease

08/12/13 8:57:12

He absolutely worships that bike

28/09/13 9:08:05

Illegal and General

13/06/13 8:24:38

I love nature trails. You see all types of beetle

08/03/13 8:07:34

His hut was the envy of the village. It had all mud cons.

For nursery crimes

04/03/13 8:09:52

like touching kidds --Ross Davidson

Chick peas

09/11/12 20:11:27

Katie Fisher Price

09/11/12 12:21:16

03/10/12 8:08:29

Punk and Disorderly

02/10/12 12:04:08

It crawls through traffic

01/10/12 20:03:22

Bevvitate

18/09/12 8:01:01

"Blimey, he has more chins than my address book"

12/09/12 8:02:29

"And what would you like in your sandwich sir?"
"Can you put some jammin' jammin' jammin' jammin'"

29/08/12 12:18:24

Shite Mayor On Elm Street

25/08/12 12:27:47

Air Pistols

12/08/12 20:00:48

"Copper feel of these"

11/08/12 14:54:25

"Damn. He's not gay"

Mon 9:13:12

Their car always leaves skid marks

07/04/19 20:01:55

Hugh was amazed that his Athlete's Foot was cured with a fish pedicure. He wondered if he could get the same results for his genital warts

21/03/19 20:29:06

Lol --The Wolf

Juke of hazard

10/03/19 12:03:08

"We've been photo Tommed"

20/08/18 12:17:25

"Darling, remember yesterday when you pulled out in front of that tractor and gave the farmer the middle finger..."

04/08/18 20:13:48

Hijacked

16/03/18 21:17:04

I did, but she got confused when I mentioned doggy style

"SHARON!"

23/09/17 12:12:07

21/08/17 12:12:09

Alas, he died in a shower of bullets

29/01/17 8:55:31

The left side of Heather Mills' walk-in closet

07/01/17 12:42:26

"Round 1"

24/10/16 8:05:25

Linda wanted a 'spoon'. Paddy just wanted a fork.

12/09/16 13:50:02

Think this might be better as "Linda wanted a 'spoon'. Paddy just wanted a fork." ? --Chris Beach

"OK, I heard you. Your car is covered in bees. No need to drone on about it"

26/08/16 12:19:44

"No Mr Glitter. Dressing them up like that doesn't make it alright"

24/11/15 12:09:07

"Sorry Sir, but you can't use the Bathhouse. It's members only"

24/09/15 12:19:44

Walt and Peppa

23/04/15 10:17:21

"Oh My God it has Graham Wafers in it. I used to go to school with him"

05/03/15 20:11:43

Short and Stout

03/01/15 12:04:56

"I love Yew"

10/11/14 10:01:47

This picture speaks volumes

22/10/14 12:13:05

Talking books ? --John Glover

The vet said he had never seen such a bad case of Myxoma-notice

22/11/18 9:13:26

"I prefer Benson & Wedges"

12/09/18 12:05:59

The food hygiene assessor gave the restaurant a grade zero on hearing that the floor was covered in filth

06/08/18 9:14:09

It's all the fuzz. --Pussy Galore

ZOOOOM!

13/05/18 20:12:57

Later that night, Donald got his come-up-pence

13/03/18 21:02:40

better than coming up Trumps... --Dan Nicholls

"This stag party needs to liven up a bit"

19/02/18 12:14:21

You red my mind. :^) --Crunchy Chords

She wears her art on her sleeve

🎵 Blue Moon..🎵

18/02/18 20:05:14

Fifty, shades and grey

17/02/18 20:01:05

Thanks anon, you've done it for me --Mark England

10/01/18 12:10:20

"You spoil that bloody Iguana"

15/11/17 12:47:16

"Lads. When I said that we need a couple of stools.."

16/05/17 8:24:42

"Come on then, Matthews. Make my fucking day"

08/05/17 20:01:40

Tom's died and gone to Evian

23/04/17 20:07:27

"Toilet..DUCK!"

30/01/17 12:04:57

The Wombles of Brixton were more sinister than their cousins from Wimbledon

23/10/16 10:09:41

"Pass me my glasses Ethel. I think the TV's on the blink again"

05/05/16 20:15:18

"Do you think father will ever be king?"
"Yours might Wills, but mine was last seen running a bar in Marbella"

04/04/16 20:21:57

20/03/16 12:45:46

At the Ann Summers factory, Katie Price orders a custom made dildo

15/02/16 20:12:30

Michael Barrymore's cat has seen things that'll make your hair curl

14/02/16 13:03:00

It looks like he needs to take his trousers to Ron Maidens

SAGA Lout

13/11/15 12:02:01

Glazing Saddles

05/11/15 20:12:29

28/09/15 12:12:03

Jack

29/06/15 9:03:08

"I think I've got a lardon"

Motorviking

18/06/15 20:08:41

21/01/15 12:38:56

The Eyeful Tower

13/11/14 8:02:16

"I told you not to park outside the M&M factory, the seagulls go down the bins"

28/10/14 20:25:13

On a windy day, John loved to take his Kite to the park

22/09/14 8:12:18

No. It hasn't. --Mark England

Aaah how sweet. Guy has finally got his Penny

08/09/14 20:02:29

"Aaaarrrggh... Turn those bloody headlights off"

26/08/14 8:04:36

Cars with one headlight must wear a bow tie

09/06/14 20:25:24

"I dunno what it is either, but it was found in the boot of an Abbey Taxi"

02/05/14 20:12:03

"Happy Valentine's Day Love. Your present's outside"

29/03/14 12:04:59