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Crunchy Chords

signed up: 3 years, 1 month ago
profile viewed: 22 time(s) this week
caption quota: 44
votes given since joining: 11,360
super vote quota: 33

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Enjoys candlelit dinners and long woks on the bleach.

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captions

26/04/19 14:59:11

05/09/18 20:00:08

lol

clever

07/02/18 15:38:41

lol

"Gynaecologist?"
"Close. Pussy doctor."

05/11/19 8:01:50

creative

08/09/18 8:00:18

clever

"MUM! I'M 26 YEARS OLD, WHEN WILL YOU LEARN TO KNOCK?!!"

28/02/20 20:00:06

clever

Due to a missing letter, the company must now try to sell 100 boxes of Kellogg's All-Bra.

15/12/19 8:00:12

lol

Dave wasnt impressed at how Legal and General settled his claim for the roof repair.

02/08/19 20:00:38

I was too slow putting on my Poppins caption but I think yours could stay considering how obvious Poppins is and your caption was great. --Stephen Bean

lol x2

"Well, you're no Heidi Klum, but you'll do..."

01/05/19 8:04:12

lol

22/10/19 8:00:07

lol

"Oh dear, I have Camel toe again."

10/10/19 20:00:09

27/02/19 20:01:35

clever

20/09/18 8:00:11

Stop looking at my zit.... STOP LOOKING AT IT!

08/08/18 20:03:17

29/07/18 8:00:42

23/10/19 20:04:37

lol

30/09/19 20:00:07

09/03/19 20:00:12

03/02/19 8:00:57

10/08/18 20:02:10

...and pigeon-toed. --Michael Winner

creative

Arse You Like It

03/01/20 20:24:42

“Wash your windscreen?"

28/04/19 20:00:25

clever x2

25/04/19 20:00:10

lol

“Then as we walked toward the waiting helicopter, the pilot shouted, ‘Who wants to ride up front?’ and I raised my hand and shouted, Bagsy!’ . ...And thats how I lost my arm.”

05/02/19 8:00:26

30/11/18 20:01:06

Salty! --Scrappy Doo

04/10/19 8:00:07

"It was easier than building a coop," said Dave. "But catching the eggs is a bugger."

25/09/19 20:03:28

14/08/18 20:01:49

23/03/20 20:01:00

Well done. The joke, not the movie. --Scrijjy Doo

02/01/20 8:40:16

"Sean Connery said he enjoyed looking at my ash when I walk."

10/10/19 20:02:10

Maths for Dummies

06/10/19 16:22:48

30/07/18 20:00:09

20/07/18 9:47:54

08/05/18 20:09:11

clever

15/11/17 20:46:14

"My parents got me the wrong cereal. You paying attention, Santa?"

02/12/19 20:00:08

05/05/19 20:00:06

"Now you see me, now you dont, now you see me ..

09/04/19 20:00:48

“I promised my mum I'd cut back to just one a day.”

25/10/18 15:29:43

17/10/18 8:11:48

"Mum, will you leave the landing light on tonight?"

06/09/18 20:01:53

24/08/19 8:00:09

"No Sweetie, put it down ... we have to cook it first."

20/08/19 20:23:59

20/03/19 20:01:09

creative

24/12/18 9:18:46

Its not you but i really cant see this being a long term relationship

16/12/18 8:14:47

creative

I'm all packed for our romantic
weekend: my girlfriend said to buy
her a sexy teddy and some dirty toys....

18/10/18 20:06:01

lol

Now theres a man who can conduct himself

05/06/18 20:00:17

The Internet allows people to ignore each other at speeds that were previously unimaginable.

28/08/17 14:47:10

06/03/20 20:00:06

27/12/19 20:00:06

20/10/19 15:36:31

The randy little alien played with himself as he approached his victim. Then he saw the eerily accurate sign.

13/08/19 8:00:09

21/07/19 8:08:41

23/02/19 17:35:11

Not pictured: "Knickers in a Twist"

22/02/19 14:51:27

James tried to cheer up his running partner. His wife had left him a Dijon letter.

25/01/18 8:05:57

“It looks like some sort of jellyfish…” “Thomas, do you have to stick your lighter up everythings arse?”

21/01/18 20:47:55

31/10/17 20:00:45

Usually the squad wait until after the match to get sh*t-faced.

02/09/17 15:37:25

Blarney Stoned

15/08/17 8:08:21

Mary Poppins' side hustle

28/03/20 20:01:09

10/11/19 15:50:43

Bullfights are much more exciting in the U.S.

28/07/19 12:54:50

lol

"My mum says I go out with
too many arse holes."

26/07/19 14:56:48

creative

“Step 219: Now that you have built your boat, gone to sea,
caught your load of fish, brought them back and put them
on display in your boat as your dowry, the final step to attracting
a husband is to stand proudly next to your boat and wait for
the eligible men of the village to come and select you as a wife.

Oh, and remove your robe, that's key.”

17/05/19 8:06:00

09/03/19 15:41:39

10/02/19 8:00:31

clever

22/12/18 8:02:13

Captioneers reacted positively to
Stone Face’s new profile pic.

19/10/18 20:00:40

clever

05/09/18 20:17:12

♪ Sisters are doing it for their selfies ♪

27/08/18 20:20:45

12/03/18 20:21:11

lol

"Luke, I am your F-, Luke listen to me, I have something important to tell you, I am-, Luke, get out from there stop playing... (sigh) fine, I guess it can wait until you're older."

Sun 16:18:12

"She cant sing but when the wind is in the right direction shes a damned good whistler."

15/02/20 8:01:40

"This is the wurst banana split Ive ever tasted."

11/02/20 20:01:08

"She'll 'never go back', eh? Well, I'll show her…"

31/01/20 20:07:25

Apparently its a house full of squatters.

21/10/19 20:02:06

This would work better in my opinion if you shortened it to 'Beware of the bog'. --Karyn Harrison

"Three times, Ive tried to hit that bastard sign with my javelins."

09/10/19 22:28:02

04/10/19 8:00:19

. . . . . 🎵 Father McKenzie, . reading his book .

26/08/19 8:00:11

Day tripper? --Dave Bryan

22/07/19 20:00:12

"This mask is fantastic" said Donald. "Ill take 16 for my Cabinet and one for Melania to wear in bed."

13/07/19 20:01:12

29/05/19 20:00:09

Sister Mary Jane

27/05/19 20:00:07

17/04/19 20:01:25

He's an Australian actor, who like all Australians suffers from an uncontrollable desire to violently destroy anything culturally sophisticated. Oh, and he plays Thor. --James Lennox

18/03/19 20:01:16

May the farce be with you. --stone face

26/02/19 20:48:38

*Thinks* So much better than a car window

13/01/19 20:01:14

Snarly Davidson

13/01/19 20:00:08

Holy mackerel!

06/01/19 20:00:41

creative

Sometimes his dark inner self emerged and it was clear he was bipolar.

01/01/19 8:00:06

“Looks like this is the end of the line.”

31/10/18 20:00:36

Introducing the new cheese and bunion flavour Wotsits.

12/10/18 20:01:20

13/08/18 20:04:52

Tune in next week when our experimental chef tackles TV dinners.

27/07/18 20:03:07

Dave, a budding photographer, really hoped the bird would fly off so he could take a better shot

11/06/18 20:00:11

On the plus side, she can
finally ditch the two clamshells.

16/05/18 21:18:39

24/11/17 20:02:26

Ive tried, but hes more interested in the birds than the bees.

21/08/17 14:44:44

01/06/17 8:07:43

It was running fine until Dave put it into cruise control.

15/04/17 8:19:03

I had felt invincible, like I could accomplish anything, so I decided to renovate the bedroom. Turns out that having a caption with 20 votes is not an indicator of future life success.

30/03/20 20:01:58

Past life success is not an indicator of having a caption with 20 votes. --Willie Johnson

23/03/20 20:00:22

Camel tow

03/02/20 20:00:22

"We're not taking any more of your sh*t."

20/01/20 20:04:22

King Leer

03/01/20 23:55:49

"Damn, the pens run out of ink, fetch me the squid!"

30/12/19 20:11:53

"I think it would be better to give birth in the stable Mary."

24/12/19 20:00:08

11/11/19 20:01:41

creative

clever

S🎈🎈n the psychedelic pill💤 themselves becaⓂ️e part 🧿f my 🏨🗼🛴🛴⛎☪️ℹ️♑🅰️✝️♟️👁️‍🗨️♑.

02/11/19 16:03:40

Yes, it's only when you see it on a mobile that you can see what it says. --Welsh Rarebit

"My boyfriend is fun, but sometimes he's a bit of a pain in the arse."

16/10/19 20:00:10

Never Mind The Bollocks..Heres the Sex Pistils.

14/10/19 20:01:36

"I suggest you get out of the childrens ride sir and go back to tending your bees".

19/09/19 20:00:25

https://i.amz.mshcdn.com/7nnNwOf1xXA8d7upd1-0Fmk3wmM=/950x534/filters:quality(90)/https%3A%2F%2Fblueprint-api-production.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fuploads%2Fcard%2Fimage%2F683466%2Fb910c249-f3a1-426c-ba49-f85e135c7dc1.jpg --Scrijjy Doo

The drill sergeant’s voice wasn’t as intimidating after he’d eaten Haribo.

21/08/19 20:01:06

Handy Smurf was looking forward to his birdwatching honeymoon, when he would finally see some blue tits.

03/06/19 20:01:00

Visitors to local beach warned of escaped black, poisonous salamander seen diving into peoples boats

17/05/19 8:00:55

03/05/19 8:00:24

Matt and too veg

23/04/19 20:06:01

Salad dressing

31/12/18 20:00:36

Chariots of Fired

25/10/18 8:22:36

15/09/18 20:00:20

28/07/18 8:07:51

13/06/18 16:28:35

I heard she sleeps around.

29/05/18 8:23:38

Due to a typo, Noah built an enormous shark.

14/05/18 22:49:48

07/09/17 21:16:18

01/09/17 14:49:37

Ironing broad

30/04/17 15:30:55

"Why did I volunteer to collect Gulliver's sperm sample?"

30/03/20 20:00:29

Albird Einstein

29/03/20 7:22:44

Dave could no longer hide his secret life when he was hired as the entertainment at his own surprise stag do.

24/03/20 14:27:56

"I caught him sleeping with my daughter."

12/03/20 20:15:46

"Do you even know how to play that thing?"
"Of course not, and you can't sing for sh*t, but it's the skirts that'll make the act a hit, Jim."
"If you say so, Dave."

10/03/20 20:00:17

🎵 The long and winding road, that leads to your back door 🎵

09/03/20 14:53:23

"Have you repaired that sign yet?" "Dont worry, Im on it."

21/02/20 20:00:30

"Making milk chocolate without the cows was a real challenge: it takes hours to milk a rabbit."
"Especially one named Mikey."

10/02/20 15:10:48

If you found that challenging you ought to try milking an almond! --Karyn Harrison

„˙ʇɟoן ǝɥʇ uı uʍop ǝq ןן,I ǝɯ ʇuɐʍ noʎ ɟI„

10/02/20 14:55:15

“Bloody vandals, no wonder ticket sales are down at the farts centre.”

05/02/20 20:00:14

30/12/19 20:03:26

Dog tags

29/12/19 16:01:46

"Yippie Ki Yew, motherf*cker."

22/12/19 20:18:53

"Great Scott, Marty, you're back! And my time machine also does sex changes!"

02/12/19 14:37:36

"Stop complaining and put it in your trap."

24/11/19 16:58:47

"For Christs sake Kenneth, put down the camera and get this f*cking thing off my head."

18/11/19 20:00:06

Alas, poor Yorick never dreamt his wife would fill his head with so much crap even after he died.

31/10/19 20:05:44

04/10/19 20:00:11

My solution is to simply feed the grain to the pig and the pig to the fox. --Michael Winner

02/10/19 20:52:56

Bugger North Korea did have nuclear weapons after all

26/07/19 20:03:18

'Oh thank God! I imagined much worse when you said you had sunburned spots under your helmet.'

26/07/19 15:16:59

Winner of the Golden Globes

09/05/19 15:39:49

05/05/19 21:06:12

17/04/19 20:00:36

24/03/19 12:57:22

09/02/19 8:00:07

Beware of rubber duckies. Theyre dangerous little bastards.

02/02/19 8:01:34

...that was when I realised that one Jelly baby had fallen off my shoulder. :-) --Glyn Evans

27/01/19 8:00:08

Well, if you really want the truth, your lips taste like plastic and you have a hairy tongue.

15/01/19 20:03:04

22/12/18 8:31:50

27/11/18 20:00:33

09/11/18 20:00:16

27/09/18 20:00:09

23/08/18 20:00:14

26/05/18 22:25:36

clever

09/05/18 20:02:21

. . "Youre a very charismatic entrepreneur, but I just dont think theres a market for combination torch/hairdryers, so Im out."

19/12/17 8:09:50

"They've always had a head for numbers."

15/11/17 20:31:02

Time Team unearth ancient lion tamer settlement

04/05/17 9:00:52

04/05/17 8:48:34

One of Streep's most challenging roles was playing Margaret Hatcher.

Thu 20:00:22

"It reminds me of my first boyfriend."
"The size?!"
"No, the shape."

31/03/20 20:00:09

Drag Queen

23/03/20 20:00:07

"I'm so sorry, darling, I never should've taken you fly fishing."

16/03/20 19:04:25

"But 20 seconds is such a long time!"

15/03/20 20:00:09

'Err… No thanks.'

03/03/20 20:00:47

"Right," thought Jenuine36, "I've got all the ingredients for a viral photo on Flickr: something cat-related, an inane platitude, fake sparkles.... I just hope Chris Beach doesn't cock it all up with one of his stupid captions...."

26/02/20 20:34:15

Maybe Jenuine36 should just 86 it? --Willie Johnson

18/02/20 11:06:54

14/02/20 20:01:17

All these animals on Noahs Ark and Im the only one who feels seasick

12/02/20 20:00:06

"Im sorry to inform you that your daughter has failed her military camouflage exam."

09/02/20 20:39:24

Eating chocolate coins with the wrappers still on hurts a bit, but your poo looks fantastic.

22/01/20 20:01:09

"Nicht gesmoken, or elsen geboomboomen gehappen, und den mit Goebbels, Himmler und Hitler ins Hell gedamnen"

14/01/20 14:51:45

07/01/20 20:00:51

05/01/20 20:00:12

Same old story: You run yourself ragged just to catch her and ride her, spend your last pennies, then when you're finally inside her, she hardly moves.

01/01/20 21:23:51

My favourite recipe for Boxing Day leftovers:
Tur-what-the-f*cken

28/12/19 16:44:41

25/12/19 8:24:51

01/12/19 8:39:24

Nice try, but no, I still don't get it. Is the lady with the adam's apple the quarterback? --Michael Winner

10/11/19 20:02:20

I personally find this sort of photo rather cruel that we mock this exploitation for human entertainment but nobody in this day and age should have to put up with wearing flared jeans

24/09/19 8:02:54

Ive created a tomato with a fuse. Im calling it.. A tom bomb

18/09/19 20:18:37

lol

"Brexit? No, that was just funny. It was after I met Trump that I started drinking and smoking"

12/09/19 15:56:38

The royal family kindly request that you do not feed the pigeons outside Buckingham Palace...

26/08/19 15:42:05

The Changing of the Garb is brilliant on its own, drop the rest :) --Michael Winner

21/08/19 20:00:07

20/08/19 20:00:08

22/06/19 20:46:33

How many squares do you see? 4,328,383 likes 3,424,244 comments

23/05/19 23:14:28

Back in the day, it was much more difficult to submit captions.

08/05/19 18:43:43

#MeatToo!

02/05/19 14:52:46

more captions

last comments (total: 141)

Nod to 10:47:33, just saw it.

(caption author)

08/03/20
3:09pm

comment on caption:
My parents were ashamed of my face, but I was more worried about the tiny winkle and bollocks growing out of my armpit.
[Crunchy Chords]

And the Chamber of Seagrass

Scrijjy Doo

16/03/20
8:31pm

comment on caption:
Hairy Snotter [Crunchy Chords]

(JK Stephen! 😉)

(caption author)

18/03/20
2:28pm

comment on caption:
It's probably for the best that Stephen Bean gave the money back, he would've just blown his winnings on one wild night of drugs and hookahs. [Crunchy Chords]

Well done. The joke, not the movie.

Scrijjy Doo

24/03/20
3:48pm

comment on caption:

She's a National Treasure [Crunchy Chords]

Shit. Thanks for the reminder. smilie face

Glyn Evans

26/03/20
12:38pm

comment on caption:
"No, I said that next Sunday you'll need to move your CLOCKS up." [Crunchy Chords]

She can predict what you are going to look in 5 days.

Scrijjy Doo

29/03/20
4:16pm

comment on caption:
"It was a combined field of study: now I'm a cosmeteorologist." [Crunchy Chords]

Haha, Scrijjy!

I predict that in five weeks without hair care we'll all be needing to turn off the camera on FaceTime!

(caption author)

29/03/20
4:54pm

comment on caption:
"It was a combined field of study: now I'm a cosmeteorologist." [Crunchy Chords]

Nod to 20:00:10, just saw it.

(caption author)

30/03/20
8:01pm

comment on caption:
"Why did I volunteer to collect Gulliver's sperm sample?"
[Crunchy Chords]

Past life success is not an indicator of having a caption with 20 votes.

Willie Johnson

31/03/20
9:45am

comment on caption:
I had felt invincible, like I could accomplish anything, so I decided to renovate the bedroom. Turns out that having a caption with 20 votes is not an indicator of future life success.
[Crunchy Chords]

Your fully covered.

Scrijjy Doo

31/03/20
6:23pm

comment on caption:
"Don't worry about me, I'll be all-white." [Crunchy Chords]

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Crunchy Chords

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last comments (total: 141)

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