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Crunchy Chords

signed up: 4 years, 8 months ago
profile viewed: 34 time(s) this week
caption quota: 64
caption votes given since joining: 15,777
comment quota: 33
comment votes given since joining: 1,527
super vote quota: 45

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Enjoys candlelit dinners and long woks on the bleach.

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captions

I always cry at weldings.

26/04/19 14:59:11

"I feel like people treat me differently because of the colour of my skin."

27/08/21 20:08:39

Supperhero

05/09/18 20:00:08

Spandex Ballet

07/02/18 15:38:41

"Gynaecologist?"
"Close. Pussy doctor."

05/11/19 8:01:50

Greenwich Bean Time

08/09/18 8:00:18

"MUM! I'M 26 YEARS OLD, WHEN WILL YOU LEARN TO KNOCK?!!"

28/02/20 20:00:06

Due to a missing letter, the company must now try to sell 100 boxes of Kellogg's All-Bra.

15/12/19 8:00:12

Dave wasnt impressed at how Legal and General settled his claim for the roof repair.

02/08/19 20:00:38

I was too slow putting on my Poppins caption but I think yours could stay considering how obvious Poppins is and your caption was great. --Stephen Bean

"Well, you're no Heidi Klum, but you'll do..."

01/05/19 8:04:12

For drag queens

22/10/19 8:00:07

"Oh dear, I have Camel toe again."

10/10/19 20:00:09

â€œMaybe just one more," thought Noah.

27/02/19 20:01:35

"Yes, hello, 999? Id like to report some Peeping Toms."

23/05/21 20:00:25

How urgent are we talking here? Would calling 101 be better? --Glyn Evans

Battle of the Bulge

11/06/20 20:01:22

He's my husband so fuck off. --Morgan .

The emperor strikes back.

20/09/18 8:00:11

Stop looking at my zit.... STOP LOOKING AT IT!

08/08/18 20:03:17

Inbred

29/07/18 8:00:42

Coming soon: Diarrhoea of a Wimpy kid

19/09/21 20:00:38

Cardigans of the Galaxy

23/10/19 20:04:37

No clogs please

30/09/19 20:00:07

Santas little yelper

09/03/19 20:00:12

I have Messi hair.

03/02/19 8:00:57

Loafers

10/08/18 20:02:10

...and pigeon-toed. --Michael Winner

"They can take Mum and the boy, but Ill be blowed if I let those aliens abduct Dad."

11/07/21 20:00:09

"Help me, Formula-Wan Kenobi, youre my only hope."

27/09/20 8:01:14

Trump Draws Huge Crowd

01/07/20 8:00:07

It's the only one he will draw, unless he resorts to cardboard cut outs. --Glyn Evans

Ready for your speech, Mr. President.

08/06/20 20:00:08

Arse You Like It

03/01/20 20:24:42

"Wash your windscreen?"

28/04/19 20:00:25

"Hes my plus swan."

25/04/19 20:00:10

â€œThen as we walked toward the waiting helicopter, the pilot shouted, â€˜Who wants to ride up front?â€™ and I raised my hand and shouted, Bagsy!â€™ . ...And thats how I lost my arm.â€

05/02/19 8:00:26

Cornered-beef

30/11/18 20:01:06

Salty! --Scrappy Doo

"Well, well, well. I suddenly find myself in a unique negotiating situation."

14/09/21 20:00:07

Better act quickly before the subject gets dropped --Glyn Evans

Harry Potter and the Deathly Shallows

19/08/21 20:04:21

Shallow we get out? --Willie Johnson

"Doctor McCoy, I am unable to perform the Vulcan mind meld with this alien entity." "Dammit, Spock, thats because . youve got two right hands!" .

03/09/20 8:00:20

That's because he's Kirk's right hand man. --Willie Johnson

06/05/20 20:00:44

Call weighting

04/10/19 8:00:07

"It was easier than building a coop," said Dave. "But catching the eggs is a bugger."

25/09/19 20:03:28

"Dont stand so close to me!"

14/08/18 20:01:49

"How was the exam?" . "Nailed it!" .

22/03/21 20:00:06

So that's why I always hit my thumb when hammering nails. I must be getting confused about which nail to hit. --Willie Johnson

30/01/21 20:00:04

"You wouldnt dare pluck a flower with glasses, would you?"

23/01/21 20:00:31

Pfft.. only shades I could get. Can't be cool, with all these flower-power hippy types. As a seedling, I dreamed of heading a gang of opium poppies. --Mauris Iocus

Maybe it was a bad idea to display the rabbit cage above the Guinness tap.

22/09/20 20:00:07

"Doctor McCoy, I am unable to perform the Vulcan mind meld with this alien entity." "Dammit, Spock, thats because . youve got two right hands!" .

03/09/20 8:00:07

Not surprisingly, Trump arrived and grabbed her sign.

09/08/20 8:11:25

He ended up paying 130,000 dollars for it. --Willie Johnson

Objet dart

04/08/20 14:54:21

Vandal artists are getting boulder.

11/05/20 20:00:09

Close Encounter of the Furred Kind.

26/04/20 20:00:47

"Ewe and me babe, how about it?"Nod to Dire Straits. --Karyn Harrison

Con Heir

23/03/20 20:01:00

Well done. The joke, not the movie. --Scrijjy Doo

Crustfallen

02/01/20 8:40:16

"Sean Connery said he enjoyed looking at my ash when I walk."

10/10/19 20:02:10

Maths for Dummies

06/10/19 16:22:48

Bogwarts

30/07/18 20:00:09

The end of the drainbow.

20/07/18 9:47:54

"START THE CAR! START THE CAR!"

08/05/18 20:09:11

Figure heads

15/11/17 20:46:14

Ten euros is a lot of money. I only paid five euros for the last one.

13/08/21 20:18:25

Theres no such thing as a free launch.

29/12/20 20:00:11

28/11/20 20:03:43

"I just wanna bee some body." --Willie Johnson

Hey, creatures! Leave them twigs alone!

23/11/20 1:20:32

"My parents got me the wrong cereal. You paying attention, Santa?"

02/12/19 20:00:08

Parasight.

05/05/19 20:00:06

"Now you see me, now you dont, now you see me ..

09/04/19 20:00:48

"I promised my mum I'd cut back to just one a day."

25/10/18 15:29:43

The birds love him.

17/10/18 8:11:48

"Mum, will you leave the landing light on tonight?"

06/09/18 20:01:53

Tired of all the sh*t on the web?

10/10/21 20:00:09

"That was the weirdest litter box I've ever used."

07/10/21 20:00:07

Dave cant go past a mirror without checking himself.

13/03/21 20:01:50

It was nice for a minute, but the rest of the jerking up and down was just Dave trying to get his beard out of the zip.

18/10/20 20:00:13

Unfortunately the super glue held, and they had to exit the car that way. --Willie Johnson

Deja goo: that strange feeling that you've been through this sh*t before.

13/09/20 20:00:07

As he was late for an appointment, Jaques decided to have his starter and dessert together.

12/08/20 20:01:48

Berry good --Mr Dome

"One might inquire what your favourite film was, Miss Mansfield."
"'Kiss Them for Me', Your Majesty."
"... And then you will tell us?"

27/07/20 15:07:59

Cedars Digest

24/08/19 8:00:09

"No Sweetie, put it down ... we have to cook it first."

20/08/19 20:23:59

Nobody puts Baby in the coroners.

20/03/19 20:01:09

â™ª A stray in a manger â™ª

24/12/18 9:18:46

Its not you but i really cant see this being a long term relationship

16/12/18 8:14:47

I'm all packed for our romantic
weekend: my girlfriend said to buy
her a sexy teddy and some dirty toys....

18/10/18 20:06:01

Now theres a man who can conduct himself

05/06/18 20:00:17

The Internet allows people to ignore each other at speeds that were previously unimaginable.

28/08/17 14:47:10

Sally began to regret buying the special Yorkshire Edition Scrabble.

07/07/21 20:00:07

"Im in the grand prix officer." "Typical trying to play the race card."

29/06/21 20:12:42

"Listen, can I call you back later? Im up to my neck in it here."

28/05/21 20:24:11

"Shes out cold."

01/05/21 20:01:48

He died of a brain tuba

24/03/21 20:00:05

"Now put your right foot in." "Dont think Im brave enough." "My right leg needs oiling." "Which ones my right?"

30/09/20 8:38:33

A Bridge too Far?

27/08/20 20:01:26

31/05/20 20:00:56

Coldilocks

06/03/20 20:00:06

Grate Expectations.

27/12/19 20:00:06

20,000 Leaks Under the Sea

20/10/19 15:36:31

The randy little alien played with himself as he approached his victim. Then he saw the eerily accurate sign.

13/08/19 8:00:09

Thriving Mesh Daisy

21/07/19 8:08:41

Planet of the Shapes

23/02/19 17:35:11

Not pictured: "Knickers in a Twist"

22/02/19 14:51:27

James tried to cheer up his running partner. His wife had left him a Dijon letter.

25/01/18 8:05:57

"It looks like some sort of jellyfish" "Thomas, do you have to stick your lighter up everythings arse?"

21/01/18 20:47:55

Blood bath

31/10/17 20:00:45

last comments (total: 152)

Didn't have the common sense to get one of those tin foil hats on? Supposedly they stop people from reading your mind. wow

13/09/21
8:14pm

comment on caption:
"Your thoughts betray you, young one."
"Oi, no mind reading, that's cheating."
[Crunchy Chords]

Better act quickly before the subject gets dropped

15/09/21
1:22pm

comment on caption:
"Well, well, well. I suddenly find
myself in a unique negotiating situation."

[Crunchy Chords]

Good for necking.

16/09/21
10:50pm

comment on caption:
"I don't know what she sees in him."
"Three words: Very. Long. Tongue." [Crunchy Chords]

Iss Ukrainian skam perpetrated by Joe Biden and his son Beau.

18/09/21
1:42pm

comment on caption:
Comes with audio instructions:
"Plleasse to insert kredit kard and enterink date of birth and NIN, iss not Russian skam." [Crunchy Chords]

(Nod to Nicki Minaj)

(caption author)

18/09/21
9:13pm

comment on caption:
Dave checks whether the player from Trinidad has got the Covid jab. [Crunchy Chords]

That's a piercing comment, caption author. But I think that whole situation is bollocks.

18/09/21
11:29pm

comment on caption:
Dave checks whether the player from Trinidad has got the Covid jab. [Crunchy Chords]

With Ray Davies.

05/10/21
10:36am

comment on caption:
🎵 "So tired. Tired of weighting, tired of weighting for you." 🎵

The Sinks
[Crunchy Chords]

Sting Ray Davies?
Or Ray Davy Jones locker?

05/10/21
2:37pm

comment on caption:
🎵 "So tired. Tired of weighting, tired of weighting for you." 🎵

The Sinks
[Crunchy Chords]

It's a Pussy Riot.

13/10/21
9:41pm

comment on caption:
"And then Putin say to Trump, 'Come to Russia, we have world's hottest pussies.'"
"Putin is liar."
[Crunchy Chords]

...said Dave to himself.

15/10/21
9:41am

comment on caption:
Luckily, pointing is still allowed.
"THIS, Dave. THIS is what I've been wanting you to do to me." [Crunchy Chords]