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Comments							595	476	#12
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Crunchy Chords

signed up: 3 years, 10 months ago
profile viewed: 1 time(s) this week
caption quota: 36
votes given since joining: 13,822
super vote quota: 40

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Enjoys candlelit dinners and long woks on the bleach.

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captions

26/04/19 13:59:11

05/09/18 19:00:08

lol

clever

07/02/18 15:38:41

lol

"Gynaecologist?"
"Close. Pussy doctor."

05/11/19 8:01:50

creative

08/09/18 7:00:18

clever

"MUM! I'M 26 YEARS OLD, WHEN WILL YOU LEARN TO KNOCK?!!"

28/02/20 20:00:06

clever

Due to a missing letter, the company must now try to sell 100 boxes of Kellogg's All-Bra.

15/12/19 8:00:12

lol

Dave wasnt impressed at how Legal and General settled his claim for the roof repair.

02/08/19 19:00:38

I was too slow putting on my Poppins caption but I think yours could stay considering how obvious Poppins is and your caption was great. --Stephen Bean

lol x2

"Well, you're no Heidi Klum, but you'll do..."

01/05/19 7:04:12

lol

22/10/19 7:00:07

lol

"Oh dear, I have Camel toe again."

10/10/19 19:00:09

27/02/19 20:01:35

Battle of the Bulge

11/06/20 19:01:22

He's my husband so fuck off. --Morgan .

clever

20/09/18 7:00:11

Stop looking at my zit.... STOP LOOKING AT IT!

08/08/18 19:03:17

29/07/18 7:00:42

23/10/19 19:04:37

lol

30/09/19 19:00:07

09/03/19 20:00:12

03/02/19 8:00:57

10/08/18 19:02:10

...and pigeon-toed. --Michael Winner

"Help me, Formula-Wan Kenobi, youre my only hope."

27/09/20 7:01:14

01/07/20 7:00:07

It's the only one he will draw, unless he resorts to cardboard cut outs. --Glyn Evans

clever

08/06/20 19:00:08

creative

Arse You Like It

03/01/20 20:24:42

“Wash your windscreen?"

28/04/19 19:00:25

clever x2

25/04/19 19:00:10

lol

“Then as we walked toward the waiting helicopter, the pilot shouted, ‘Who wants to ride up front?’ and I raised my hand and shouted, Bagsy!’ . ...And thats how I lost my arm.”

05/02/19 8:00:26

30/11/18 20:01:06

Salty! --Scrappy Doo

"Doctor McCoy, I am unable to perform the Vulcan mind meld with this alien entity." "Dammit, Spock, thats because . youve got two right hands!" .

03/09/20 7:00:20

That's because he's Kirk's right hand man. --Willie Johnson

lol

Arsetronomy

06/05/20 19:00:44

04/10/19 7:00:07

"It was easier than building a coop," said Dave. "But catching the eggs is a bugger."

25/09/19 19:03:28

14/08/18 19:01:49

Maybe it was a bad idea to display the rabbit cage above the Guinness tap.

22/09/20 19:00:07

03/09/20 7:00:07

Not surprisingly, Trump arrived and grabbed her sign.

09/08/20 7:11:25

He ended up paying 130,000 dollars for it. --Willie Johnson

04/08/20 13:54:21

11/05/20 19:00:09

26/04/20 19:00:47

"Ewe and me babe, how about it?"Nod to Dire Straits. --Karyn Harrison

23/03/20 20:01:00

Well done. The joke, not the movie. --Scrijjy Doo

02/01/20 8:40:16

"Sean Connery said he enjoyed looking at my ash when I walk."

10/10/19 19:02:10

Maths for Dummies

06/10/19 15:22:48

30/07/18 19:00:09

20/07/18 8:47:54

08/05/18 19:09:11

clever

15/11/17 20:46:14

Price reduced for quick sail.

29/12/20 20:00:11

Beesome

28/11/20 20:03:43

"I just wanna bee some body." --Willie Johnson

lol

23/11/20 1:20:32

"My parents got me the wrong cereal. You paying attention, Santa?"

02/12/19 20:00:08

05/05/19 19:00:06

"Now you see me, now you dont, now you see me ..

09/04/19 19:00:48

“I promised my mum I'd cut back to just one a day.”

25/10/18 14:29:43

17/10/18 7:11:48

"Mum, will you leave the landing light on tonight?"

06/09/18 19:01:53

lol

It was nice for a minute, but the rest of the jerking up and down was just Dave trying to get his beard out of the zip.

18/10/20 19:00:13

Unfortunately the super glue held, and they had to exit the car that way. --Willie Johnson

Deja goo: that strange feeling that you've been through this sh*t before.

13/09/20 19:00:07

As he was late for an appointment, Jaques decided to have his starter and dessert together.

12/08/20 19:01:48

Berry good --Mr Dome

"One might inquire what your favourite film was, Miss Mansfield."
"'Kiss Them for Me', Your Majesty."
"... And then you will tell us?"

27/07/20 14:07:59

24/08/19 7:00:09

"No Sweetie, put it down ... we have to cook it first."

20/08/19 19:23:59

20/03/19 20:01:09

creative

24/12/18 9:18:46

Its not you but i really cant see this being a long term relationship

16/12/18 8:14:47

creative

I'm all packed for our romantic
weekend: my girlfriend said to buy
her a sexy teddy and some dirty toys....

18/10/18 19:06:01

lol

Now theres a man who can conduct himself

05/06/18 19:00:17

The Internet allows people to ignore each other at speeds that were previously unimaginable.

28/08/17 13:47:10

"Now put your right foot in." "Dont think Im brave enough." "My right leg needs oiling." "Which ones my right?"

30/09/20 7:38:33

27/08/20 19:01:26

Teddy pair

31/05/20 19:00:56

06/03/20 20:00:06

27/12/19 20:00:06

20/10/19 14:36:31

The randy little alien played with himself as he approached his victim. Then he saw the eerily accurate sign.

13/08/19 7:00:09

21/07/19 7:08:41

23/02/19 17:35:11

Not pictured: "Knickers in a Twist"

22/02/19 14:51:27

James tried to cheer up his running partner. His wife had left him a Dijon letter.

25/01/18 8:05:57

“It looks like some sort of jellyfish…” “Thomas, do you have to stick your lighter up everythings arse?”

21/01/18 20:47:55

31/10/17 20:00:45

Usually the squad wait until after the match to get sh*t-faced.

02/09/17 14:37:25

Blarney Stoned

15/08/17 7:08:21

Taking it from beehind

28/11/20 20:00:08

27/09/20 7:00:25

01/09/20 19:00:23

('Mustn't look down, mustn't look down,...')

30/08/20 19:00:25

clever

Are you responsible for that crack? Honestly, dad, its not my fault.

12/07/20 16:09:12

If only he had time to repair it... --Stephen Bean

"...and all those in favour of reducing the tax on lettuce?"

29/04/20 19:00:19

Slick heil! --Scrijjy Doo

Thats the good thing about self isolating. Ive finally got to clear out my kitchen drawers.

11/04/20 5:53:28

Lucy went to extreme lengths to protect herself from the Coronavirus. Unfortunately, shed forgotten that opening an umbrella indoors was unlucky and she was run over by a bus on the way home.

28/03/20 20:01:09

10/11/19 15:50:43

Bullfights are much more exciting in the U.S.

28/07/19 11:54:50

lol

"My mum says I go out with
too many arse holes."

26/07/19 13:56:48

creative

“Step 219: Now that you have built your boat, gone to sea,
caught your load of fish, brought them back and put them
on display in your boat as your dowry, the final step to attracting
a husband is to stand proudly next to your boat and wait for
the eligible men of the village to come and select you as a wife.

Oh, and remove your robe, that's key.”

17/05/19 7:06:00

09/03/19 15:41:39

10/02/19 8:00:31

clever

22/12/18 8:02:13

Captioneers reacted positively to
Stone Face’s new profile pic.

19/10/18 19:00:40

clever

05/09/18 19:17:12

♪ Sisters are doing it for their selfies ♪

27/08/18 19:20:45

12/03/18 20:21:11

06/12/20 20:00:06

I kept watch for several more minutes to make certain Mr Tibbles didn't float back to the surface.

05/12/20 20:00:14

"Sexterminate!"

09/11/20 20:00:06

lol

26/10/20 20:00:16

Breaking News. Boris Johnson is on route to Brussels for the latest NATO summit. Priti Patel will be joining the Prime Minister but is understood to be flying separately.

01/10/20 19:38:05

14/09/20 14:34:00

"Quick, Marty, get in! We've got to save the future! Biff is a corrupt casino billionaire who's running for President, and DeLoreans turn out to be pieces of sh*t."

30/07/20 15:34:48

Yeah, why does my DeLorean not have an influx capacitor? --Glyn Evans

"Our act really took off after I added the bra," said Dave.

27/07/20 19:00:38

Serial chiller

29/06/20 19:00:07

"Is this the bastard who shoved a stick in my rabbit hole?"

25/06/20 19:01:07

10/06/20 19:00:43

lol

30/04/20 13:58:09

And if you could, I don't think I'd want to. --Willie Johnson

lol

In Disneys latest bizarre plotline twist Darth Vader turns out to be 4 Ewoks on each others shoulders.

05/04/20 15:18:12

"She cant sing but when the wind is in the right direction shes a damned good whistler."

15/02/20 8:01:40

"This is the wurst banana split Ive ever tasted."

11/02/20 20:01:08

"She'll 'never go back', eh? Well, I'll show her…"

31/01/20 20:07:25

Apparently its a house full of squatters.

21/10/19 19:02:06

This would work better in my opinion if you shortened it to 'Beware of the bog'. --Karyn Harrison

"Three times, Ive tried to hit that bastard sign with my javelins."

09/10/19 21:28:02

04/10/19 7:00:19

. . . . . 🎵 Father McKenzie, . reading his book .

26/08/19 7:00:11

Day tripper? --Dave Bryan

22/07/19 19:00:12

"This mask is fantastic" said Donald. "Ill take 16 for my Cabinet and one for Melania to wear in bed."

13/07/19 19:01:12

29/05/19 19:00:09

Sister Mary Jane

27/05/19 19:00:07

17/04/19 19:01:25

He's an Australian actor, who like all Australians suffers from an uncontrollable desire to violently destroy anything culturally sophisticated. Oh, and he plays Thor. --James Lennox

18/03/19 20:01:16

May the farce be with you. --stone face

26/02/19 20:48:38

*Thinks* So much better than a car window

13/01/19 20:01:14

Snarly Davidson

13/01/19 20:00:08

Holy mackerel!

06/01/19 20:00:41

creative

Sometimes his dark inner self emerged and it was clear he was bipolar.

01/01/19 8:00:06

“Looks like this is the end of the line.”

31/10/18 20:00:36

Introducing the new cheese and bunion flavour Wotsits.

12/10/18 19:01:20

13/08/18 19:04:52

Tune in next week when our experimental chef tackles TV dinners.

27/07/18 19:03:07

Dave, a budding photographer, really hoped the bird would fly off so he could take a better shot

11/06/18 19:00:11

On the plus side, she can
finally ditch the two clamshells.

16/05/18 20:18:39

24/11/17 20:02:26

Ive tried, but hes more interested in the birds than the bees.

21/08/17 13:44:44

01/06/17 7:07:43

It was running fine until Dave put it into cruise control.

15/04/17 7:19:03

It's all fun and games until someone starts lighting farts.

02/01/21 20:10:07

"Youre doing well on your first shift kid. Hold your arms a bit wider, this next ones really big."

01/11/20 15:36:05

Across the street, construction . of Trumps wall continues, . whilst Mexicans enjoy the irony that it keeps out the disease-ridden Americans.

28/10/20 16:07:42

"Make sure my mobility scooter is not in the picture Sid."

25/10/20 20:15:49

"Fancy a game of snooker tonight Dave?" "Sorry Phil, I cant. The wife wants me to paint the ceiling."

15/10/20 19:00:09

"Tigger, I'm quite certain this is not how you play Pooh Sticks."

14/10/20 7:00:07

Dear Mr Beach cc Captioneers Im just writing to te you how much I enjoy your website, caption.me. I find it very entertaining and it rea y makes me augh. I dont write very often as it takes me so b oody o

04/10/20 7:01:59

I didn't notice it was missing until I saw this and checked! --Molly R

That’s one big mother Fokker.

01/10/20 19:00:18

"Are you ok out there Dad? Sorry, I know its freezing but we dont have a choice with social distancing. Anyway, where do you keep your biscuits?"

18/09/20 19:00:10

"F*ck off, crows!! Yeh motherf*ckin' c*nts!"

-Swearcrow

13/09/20 16:58:09

26/08/20 19:00:22

Little known fact: BFG was a pansvestite.

24/08/20 19:13:33

"Have ye been mis-sold PPI insurance, Jim lad?"

15/07/20 19:01:42

Dear the people of the United States, If you don't like the way things are, why not change it? - Is going backwards really the way forwards? - I'd weigh up your options and figure the best course of action. The American Constitution ... --Glyn Evans

"Grandma, you can stop pushing now .... Grandma?"

14/07/20 19:00:08

When you think your caption is amazing but it just stays on zero…

09/07/20 19:00:07

The sex is good, but people give us nasty looks when I take her on a date.

27/06/20 7:22:19

15/06/20 19:00:29

26/04/20 19:00:33

I had felt invincible, like I could accomplish anything, so I decided to renovate the bedroom. Turns out that having a caption with 20 votes is not an indicator of future life success.

30/03/20 19:01:58

Past life success is not an indicator of having a caption with 20 votes. --Willie Johnson

23/03/20 20:00:22

Camel tow

03/02/20 20:00:22

"We're not taking any more of your sh*t."

20/01/20 20:04:22

King Leer

03/01/20 23:55:49

"Damn, the pens run out of ink, fetch me the squid!"

30/12/19 20:11:53

"I think it would be better to give birth in the stable Mary."

24/12/19 20:00:08

11/11/19 20:01:41

creative

clever

S🎈🎈n the psychedelic pill💤 themselves becaⓂ️e part 🧿f my 🏨🗼🛴🛴⛎☪️ℹ️♑🅰️✝️♟️👁️‍🗨️♑.

02/11/19 16:03:40

Yes, it's only when you see it on a mobile that you can see what it says. --Welsh Rarebit

"My boyfriend is fun, but sometimes he's a bit of a pain in the arse."

16/10/19 19:00:10

Never Mind The Bollocks..Heres the Sex Pistils.

14/10/19 19:01:36

"I suggest you get out of the childrens ride sir and go back to tending your bees".

19/09/19 19:00:25

https://i.amz.mshcdn.com/7nnNwOf1xXA8d7upd1-0Fmk3wmM=/950x534/filters:quality(90)/https%3A%2F%2Fblueprint-api-production.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fuploads%2Fcard%2Fimage%2F683466%2Fb910c249-f3a1-426c-ba49-f85e135c7dc1.jpg --Scrijjy Doo