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Crunchy Chords

signed up: 2 years, 1 month ago
profile viewed: 7 time(s) this week
caption quota: 45
votes given since joining: 7,713
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Enjoys candlelit dinners and long woks on the bleach.

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captions

05/09/18 20:00:08

lol

clever

07/02/18 15:38:41

creative

08/09/18 8:00:18

27/02/19 20:01:35

clever

20/09/18 8:00:11

Stop looking at my zit.... STOP LOOKING AT IT!

08/08/18 20:03:17

29/07/18 8:00:42

09/03/19 20:00:12

03/02/19 8:00:57

10/08/18 20:02:10

...and pigeon-toed. --Michael Winner

lol

“Then as we walked toward the waiting helicopter, the pilot shouted, ‘Who wants to ride up front?’ and I raised my hand and shouted, Bagsy!’ . ...And thats how I lost my arm.”

05/02/19 8:00:26

30/11/18 20:01:06

Salty! --Scrappy Doo

"Dont stand so close to me!" - The Police

14/08/18 20:01:49

30/07/18 20:00:09

20/07/18 9:47:54

08/05/18 20:09:11

clever

15/11/17 20:46:14

Pope John-Paul-George-Ringo II

09/04/19 20:00:48

“I promised my mum I'd cut back to just one a day.”

25/10/18 15:29:43

17/10/18 8:11:48

"Mum, will you leave the landing light on tonight?"

06/09/18 20:01:53

20/03/19 20:01:09

creative

24/12/18 9:18:46

Its not you but i really cant see this being a long term relationship

16/12/18 8:14:47

creative

I'm all packed for our romantic weekend: my girlfriend said to buy her a sexy teddy and some dirty toys....

18/10/18 20:06:01

lol

Now theres a man who can conduct himself

05/06/18 20:00:17

The Internet allows people to ignore each other at speeds that were previously unimaginable.

28/08/17 14:47:10

23/02/19 17:35:11

22/02/19 14:51:27

James tried to cheer up his running partner. His wife had left him a Dijon letter.

25/01/18 8:05:57

“It looks like some sort of jellyfish…” “Thomas, do you have to stick your lighter up everythings arse?”

21/01/18 20:47:55

31/10/17 20:00:45

For Susan cheerleading was a cross between a job and a hobby.

02/09/17 15:37:25

"Nah dude, not tall, I said I would get you high".

15/08/17 8:08:21

09/03/19 15:41:39

10/02/19 8:00:31

clever

22/12/18 8:02:13

Archeologists concluded he was probably receiving felatio when Vesuvius erupted.

19/10/18 20:00:40

clever

05/09/18 20:17:12

♪ Sisters are doing it for their selfies ♪

27/08/18 20:20:45

12/03/18 20:21:11

Chris Hemsworth had finally found his second career.

Wed 20:01:25

Makes perfect sense now, thanks James --The Wolf

18/03/19 20:01:16

May the farce be with you. --stone face

26/02/19 20:48:38

*Thinks* So much better than a car window

13/01/19 20:01:14

Snarly Davidson

13/01/19 20:00:08

Holy mackerel!

06/01/19 20:00:41

creative

Sometimes his dark inner self emerged and it was clear he was bipolar.

01/01/19 8:00:06

“Looks like this is the end of the line.”

31/10/18 20:00:36

Introducing the new cheese and bunion flavour Wotsits.

12/10/18 20:01:20

13/08/18 20:04:52

Tune in next week when our experimental chef tackles TV dinners.

27/07/18 20:03:07

Dave, a budding photographer, really hoped the bird would fly off so he could take a better shot

11/06/18 20:00:11

16/05/18 21:18:39

24/11/17 20:02:26

Ive tried, but hes more interested in the birds than the bees.

21/08/17 14:44:44

01/06/17 8:07:43

It was running fine until Dave put it into cruise control.

15/04/17 8:19:03

Salad dressing

31/12/18 20:00:36

Chariots of Fired

25/10/18 8:22:36

15/09/18 20:00:20

28/07/18 8:07:51

13/06/18 16:28:35

29/05/18 8:23:38

Due to a typo, Noah built an enormous shark.

14/05/18 22:49:48

07/09/17 21:16:18

01/09/17 14:49:37

Ironing broad

30/04/17 15:30:55

“We've lost too many French horn players this way."

Wed 20:00:36

24/03/19 12:57:22

09/02/19 8:00:07

Beware of rubber duckies. Theyre dangerous little bastards.

02/02/19 8:01:34

...that was when I realised that one Jelly baby had fallen off my shoulder. :-) --Glyn Evans

27/01/19 8:00:08

Well, if you really want the truth, your lips taste like plastic and you have a hairy tongue.

15/01/19 20:03:04

22/12/18 8:31:50

27/11/18 20:00:33

09/11/18 20:00:16

27/09/18 20:00:09

23/08/18 20:00:14

26/05/18 22:25:36

clever

09/05/18 20:02:21

. . "Youre a very charismatic entrepreneur, but I just dont think theres a market for combination torch/hairdryers, so Im out."

19/12/17 8:09:50

"They've always had a head for numbers."

15/11/17 20:31:02

Time Team unearth ancient lion tamer settlement

04/05/17 9:00:52

04/05/17 8:48:34

Her husband Bob might have lost interest, but Mark still found Jane irresistible even with her sideburns.

15/04/19 8:00:22

Abbey Rome

09/04/19 20:00:27

To combat bike theft, police have orchestrated an elaborate sting operation....

04/04/19 8:36:38

25/03/19 20:00:34

Scientists attempt to calculate what a woman really means when she says shes fine.

14/03/19 20:00:14

"We were caught playing football in the monastery, now weve been suspended."

19/02/19 20:00:06

09/02/19 20:00:23

08/02/19 8:00:24

I know you are busy but its just a quick survey.

11/01/19 8:04:45

His last wish was to put his face between two baps.

19/11/18 20:01:30

At least he died smiling! --Karyn Harrison

13/11/18 20:00:12

lol

"Sarah love, are you still in the toilet?"

31/10/18 13:52:43

LOL! That takes me back half a century to my teenage years, when my friends and I all had long hair, Christine Keeler-style, and a couple of half-pints would overset us. Holding a friend's hair back while she called for Ruth and Hughie was a co... --Molly R

"If I eat both it might make me Sikh."

14/10/18 17:40:24

The Proclaimers announce their long lost brother is growing on them.

12/09/18 20:01:18

27/08/18 20:00:38

For Gods sake Fred Ive been looking all over for that Multi LED Torch!!

19/08/18 8:00:33

29/01/18 20:00:55

25/01/18 8:03:00

creative

17/01/18 20:05:00

08/12/17 23:19:38

creative

28/11/17 20:21:16

How did the game at the countdown fancy dress party go Rachel?...rubbish, first game there was 2 arrs and seven cs

11/07/17 15:57:58

13/06/17 8:37:48

11/05/17 8:34:22

Whitehall prepares for the annual Pooping of the Colour.

29/03/19 13:49:47

“Take me home, Nigel, I don't think I'll be needing you in the bedroom any more.”

18/03/19 20:01:57

Flies and Dolls

25/02/19 20:00:08

18/02/19 20:01:45

“Schroeder, if there's one thing I've learned, it's statue should never give your heart to a musician.”
“Actually, Lucy, if there's one heart I yearn for it's Charlie Bronze.”

07/02/19 15:10:50

The Wig Bang Theory

06/02/19 22:53:11

No amount of soap will erase a bad tattoo decision.

02/02/19 8:00:38

“Klaus?"
“Yah, Fritz?"
“Maybe we play dis next polka nicht so schnell, since dis ist funeral, yah?”

31/01/19 17:58:39

Man's best Fred

20/01/19 18:03:32

World War Two Fighter Pilates

20/01/19 8:24:37

It seemed whenever I came home straight from work I was always early, but coming from the pub I was always late. Then I finally clocked my problem.

04/01/19 8:00:58

24/12/18 9:28:49

"I don't know what she sees in him."
"I hear he's hung like a horse."

16/12/18 17:31:17

06/12/18 20:04:51

31/10/18 20:01:11

14/10/18 20:01:51

“You said ...’write something punchy’ ...”

27/09/18 8:00:22

A brilliant new initiative has reduced incidents of dogging by 63%

21/09/18 8:01:39

27/07/18 20:03:36

05/06/18 20:03:09

Ha! ...Clever. --J Gaskill

07/02/18 20:21:41

Tickle Me Alma

01/02/18 15:44:22

26/01/18 8:00:30

26/11/17 17:37:03

"Thanks, but dont bother in the future. I hate Milk Tray."

17/11/17 20:01:07

In American zoos, pussy-licking is considered obscene.

01/11/17 20:06:11

Who's up foursome dogging?

20/09/17 20:01:03

The Great Irish Bake Off

15/08/17 8:18:41

The buildings new, state of the art sprinkler system is the dogs bollocks.

07/08/17 8:21:04

02/08/17 8:03:01

Dementors during Azkaban's renovation --sandeep chahal

Beauty and the Beached

30/07/17 8:01:33

28/07/17 8:04:05

27/07/17 20:05:37

10/07/17 14:59:50

Did your cat come off second best in that face-off with the black Subaru? Well it doesnt have to mean goodbye. Just send your cats remains to us here at Cat Converters and well turn them into this handy Bathroom Buddy..Lift the left leg to dispen

23/06/17 4:50:58

31/05/17 20:56:43

04/05/17 8:38:17

"Bloody predictive text, it wasnt a fun run, it was a funeral."

12/04/17 23:36:08

Junkie business

Fri 20:00:19

The older I get, the harder it is playing caption.me on my phone.

15/04/19 20:00:14

Putting my best fruit forward

14/04/19 20:00:14

Three things that are full of horse sh*t

10/04/19 20:00:10

A journey of a thousand miles begins with single... er, never mind, let's just see if they can make it back to the car.

26/03/19 20:00:21

20/03/19 20:00:45

07/03/19 20:00:08

26/02/19 14:54:07

25/02/19 20:00:25

Oliver was shot in Afghanistan and shelled in Iraq. He could carry you and fifty kilos of gear across the desert. Two Crosses and a George Medal, but his dream is to be the subject of one-liners on caption.me.

19/02/19 15:25:24

“Save Ferris!”

14/02/19 8:29:07

All bronze and no brain

02/02/19 20:02:46

Look behind you! It's Bath Vader!

02/02/19 8:00:13

Where there's joke, there's fire.

26/01/19 20:00:17

The Wolf Who Tried Boy

20/01/19 17:55:21

Sometimes a bride can get a little beachy.

19/01/19 8:27:05

“I've had it, I'm done! I bring you seeds, I bring you worms, but you always want more. You know, love is a two-way street, Claire.”

16/01/19 8:00:49

Guy kisses mask, and later, Guy Fawkes mask.

15/01/19 20:00:09

Kaleid-o-skip

14/01/19 20:01:00

“This backstop border is just too bloody confusing.”

14/01/19 8:00:11

“This time I'm finally gonna catch that mail van....”

13/01/19 20:00:55

Peck of the litter

01/01/19 20:21:51

Blah, blah, Gulliver.

05/12/18 20:02:15

"When God closes a door, he opens a- WHAT THE HELL'S THAT?"

26/11/18 8:04:21

AAAAAAHHH!!! --Scrappy Doo

The party guests began showing signs of confusion….

22/11/18 8:00:12

“Right. Now I'll just collect them back up and I can tell everyone they're free-range.”

12/11/18 22:10:06

“Hello, I'm from Jehovah's Witnesses…”

31/10/18 20:00:11

“My mum taught me to obey all road signs.”

29/10/18 20:00:14

23/10/18 20:00:46

11/10/18 20:56:16

27/09/18 8:01:11

Luckily they're both into whips, spurs, and leather harnesses.

26/09/18 20:04:41

I bet shell be getting her oats tonight.

26/09/18 20:00:41

17/09/18 20:00:06

Visitors to the Horticultural Show were treated to a moving display of Heather, Jasmine, Poppy, Violet, Daisy and Petunia.

14/09/18 15:57:15

How thoughtful, they even provide toilet paper for when you sh*t yourself.

26/08/18 8:02:42

Just had to look this one up myself. It's a dance move believe it or not. Plenty of pictures available online of people dabbing though it's not very appealing. To put it bluntly, it looks like they're sniffing their own armpits. Pan's Peop... --Karyn Harrison

It really bugs me when he scrapes his nails down the whiteboard.

25/08/18 20:01:32

15/08/18 15:05:24

15/08/18 14:54:27

Gentlemen prefer these.

12/08/18 21:50:27

08/08/18 20:00:39

I think the beer has gone straight to her head

03/08/18 20:02:17

31/07/18 20:02:35

Wait for the tongue...

28/07/18 20:03:30

Doggy-style is great, but what really sends them over the edge is the ball-gag.

26/07/18 21:47:25

Brenda gets a bit wild when she hits a certain point on her cycle.

19/07/18 15:20:39

05/06/18 20:23:24

Start with two eggs to make yourself a tart....

19/05/18 21:00:56

Caution: Chinese Dragon costume thieves operate in this area.

01/05/18 20:00:21

30/04/18 22:14:26

"When I asked you to give me a quote for the damage...?"

08/04/18 8:57:28

06/02/18 20:00:18

05/02/18 15:42:41

more captions

last comments (total: 55)

Nods to 12:00:06 and 12:51:42.

(caption author)

26/01/19
6:21pm

comment on caption:
“I will have my Scone Army execute Order 66 to kill all the Cheddar!” [Crunchy Chords]

...that was when I realised that one Jelly baby had fallen off my shoulder. smilie face

Glyn Evans

02/02/19
8:30am

comment on caption:

I rubbed my eyes and looked back into the mirror: the devilish
figure on my shoulder was still there but the angel… was gone. [Crunchy Chords]

(Nods to Lynne Truss, etc.)

(caption author)

04/02/19
8:04am

comment on caption:
“One bleeding typo and now I'm a gun-obsessed joke doing a runner.” [Crunchy Chords]

Nods to the other monkey puns

(caption author)

19/02/19
8:08pm

comment on caption:
We're going to need a LOT more of them and an infinite number of typewriters. [Crunchy Chords]

May the farce be with you.

stone face

18/03/19
8:41pm

comment on caption:

Finally there was peace in the galaxy,
and Luke could retire with his Twi'lek sweetheart. [Crunchy Chords]

Nod to 12:29:30 and other forced perspective fun.

(caption author)

28/03/19
2:05pm

comment on caption:
Simon's "fascinators for men" idea was a tremendous failure. [Crunchy Chords]

This is absolutely no offence to the cap and is pure ignorance on my behalf, but just so I know, who is Chris Hemsworth?

The Wolf

Wednesday
10:43pm

comment on caption:
Chris Hemsworth had finally found his second career. [Crunchy Chords]

He's an Australian actor, who like all Australians suffers from an uncontrollable desire to violently destroy anything culturally sophisticated. Oh, and he plays Thor.