lol x2 creative x2 clever

Charles did not even flinch as the Swallow flew into his nose.

01/12/16 8:34:50

lol creative

........ just posting some pictures of my trip

10/01/19 8:41:39

creative clever

This sort of thing just makes me cross

07/09/18 8:14:55

clever x3

Pasture bedtime

20/09/15 20:05:58

lol x2 clever

The locals were more accustomed to seeing stools washed up on the beach.

29/01/15 12:14:36

Ales of the Unexpected

18/09/12 8:17:42

Water Raleigh and Francis Drake

11/08/12 11:01:06

"I reared him myself."

14/10/15 20:10:32

lol creative

We didn't always have hair dryers

23/09/15 12:15:06

clever

Pisa Hut

02/02/15 8:11:39

creative x3

Teaching an Ostrich to ride a motorbike was always going to prove difficult

04/01/13 12:17:10

“.... see Dave, I told you this car was a ‘pussy magnet’. ...”

11/01/19 12:39:44

clever

Auditions for Madame Butterfly were earlier than expected .........

29/08/18 8:16:55

lol x2

We asked 10 cats if they preferred Whiskas ...... here's what the other two said, for those of you who have always wondered.

14/08/14 12:12:52

lol

"Was there anything else you wanted, besides decking on the porch?"

27/03/13 8:13:37

creative

Squatters move in after Tennant moves on

06/03/13 12:03:16

“You said ...’write something punchy’ ...”

27/09/18 9:12:20

clever x2

Fissure men

29/09/17 12:07:00

creative x2

A boy named Sioux

22/04/14 12:10:33

creative

"Sorry officer, I didn't see the light."

22/04/14 8:43:23

"Fred.........could you turn the serving machine down a touch?"

21/11/12 20:05:21

Plaquerazzi

04/11/12 8:22:33

£100
WINNER

Against her better judgement, Vicky accepted a lift home from her blind date.

23/04/12 11:05:15

Council announce further playgrounds in the pipeline.

09/09/14 8:10:27

creative

Some adverts just blow you away.

12/08/14 14:06:38

lol

"You here about the Jessops gift vouchers too?"

10/01/13 20:05:29

This is believed to pre-date the Ironing Age

30/10/12 20:05:12

Top Queer

20/07/12 20:09:55

Jack loved going for a ride with his 'half brother.'

23/04/12 20:24:43

Mick�s - in � bowl

22/04/12 20:00:33

ten-tickles

19/09/11 11:04:11

lol

"S**t ..... where's the baby?"

07/10/18 21:06:28

lol

Stan has an itchy bum .... sadly for him, he doesn't know his arse from his elbow.

30/11/16 21:09:12

lol x3

"Smell that ..... I'll give you a clue, it's not Scampi Fries."

21/09/16 8:03:57

The bills are piling up at the door.

21/08/15 20:41:17

Vowel movements will also not be tolerated.

29/05/15 20:33:21

“I think the hoover bag might be full love.”

16/11/18 9:28:54

"I thought you said it was spitting distance ………"

07/09/18 12:14:23

"Quick, QUICK ...... Duracell anyone ..."

07/05/18 20:51:12

lol

Pint and a small house swine

29/05/17 20:10:09

High in fibre

19/05/17 21:20:59

The Officer's Mess

15/09/16 20:08:36

lol

Neil was seeing other girls behind her back.

03/09/16 8:04:25

lol

"The good news is, we didn't find any drugs.
The bad news ..... you have an enlarged prostate ..."

07/06/16 21:35:02

lol

"OK ......... got a signal, stay there folks. Hi Mum ....... "

14/09/15 8:11:51

lol

Not-work Rail

01/03/15 20:26:38

The tree had no chance once Ivy took hold.

10/11/14 10:39:15

lol

The nursery school bus crash into the Piranha infested water made identifying the remains of the kids a tricky task.

02/09/14 20:21:02

Fathers for just chips

15/08/14 8:08:48

Sister'S ledge

22/04/14 20:06:07

Pump Fiction

08/01/14 12:10:39

lol

"Ooh you are nautical.............but I like you"

09/05/13 8:36:29

Those with a nut allergy.. look away now

06/06/12 20:18:31

“The water here tastes of Pete, ...... just like they said at the distillery”

09/08/18 12:08:20

clever

Mick was not entirely happy with the terms of his bale conditions.

03/01/18 8:27:59

lol

Papua New Guinea Rotisserie

19/10/17 8:26:57

lol

The wife said .."Do you think you could do something with that skip in the driveway?"
Challenge accepted ..... I thought

29/09/17 8:04:49

The boys in the gang were worried that at any time they could be facing the sack
(nod to 12.07)

25/08/17 12:11:02

lol

Where are they now ...... Lionel Blair

25/03/17 21:11:57

Skuldruggery

08/12/16 8:16:20

lol

"Just buy a bloody unicycle."

28/11/16 12:29:59

Before being souped up.

15/10/15 12:27:06

creative

People are not coming to fairground so much so we had to reduce the staff.

02/10/15 8:53:25

lol

"I picked it up at a car boot sale."

18/08/15 20:07:28

Chilean Miners release unseen pictures

08/01/15 20:14:47

"I used to be a Hell's Angel but that's all behind me now."

11/11/14 21:38:47

lol

“No love, I said I want to look at a Hospice”

26/10/14 20:00:22

creative

Having been caught pedalling again, this time Maria was given a longer sentence

13/03/14 20:22:54

A pot belly would be useful at this point

05/03/14 12:02:57

The hat and cape were reviewed as 'cheap looking and unconvincing' - ( Witch Magazine )

27/02/14 12:02:52

"I am not turning around until I get those f**king drums back"

11/02/14 12:11:43

Caption.me apologises for delays in seeing some pictures due to the Golf coverage

30/01/14 8:11:10

lol

"Abandon Shit!"

17/01/14 12:45:17

50% off all bikes at Halfords.

25/10/13 12:16:18

creative

Uncle Brian had been there for 3 hours reading the suspiciously large book since we put the Viagra in his breakfast.

14/06/13 12:38:25

The Copse had him surrounded.

10/06/13 8:44:41

"What's up Doc?"

18/02/13 12:01:36

"Soft Scoop Icecream my arse"

06/01/13 20:06:27

A near myth

22/08/12 12:06:19

Esther had no problems achieving her 'miserable little shit badge'

24/05/12 20:05:49

I came looking for Pluto not Uranus

20/03/12 20:21:01

Don't worry we'll stop pulling bits out once the buzzer sounds

17/03/12 20:01:44

Tell meow this happened.

18/12/11 22:14:57

He's from the Isle of Man

09/12/11 11:25:52

Warning...May contain nuts.

07/11/11 20:15:43

Pick it, lick it, roll it and flick it.

05/06/13 12:07:10

"Play your cards right and you may also have me for receiving swollen goods later."

03/04/13 12:33:50

Eyefull Tower

01/12/12 20:07:04

Ground Coffee

15/09/12 8:17:27

Some of you may have noticed a slight increase in postage costs earlier in the year. This was to cover essential infrastructure updates.

08/08/12 21:35:22

Guinesstrone

25/06/12 20:15:25

“It’s like art ... only boulder”

Sat 12:47:22

clever

...... and so the revolution begins

18/11/18 21:04:28

lol

Baseball caps ........ maybe they should come with instructions.

07/03/18 12:06:59

Trill seeker

06/02/18 21:14:08

"Can I get a copy of your Bolognese recipe Jean? .............."

08/05/17 8:04:03

clever

Between a rocker and a hard face

19/02/17 20:21:21

Nothing and nobody gets in the way of the 8 o'clock caption.

03/09/16 8:01:12

"I think you might have a puncher mate."

17/11/15 20:24:01

"Sit down, you look shattered."

16/10/15 12:08:24

"What makes you think I've cheated on you again darling?"

01/10/15 13:16:38

lol x2

20/07/15 20:09:51

We all need somewhere to reflect.

07/11/14 8:04:07

Donald Trump’s advisers suggest he enters Mexico discreetly for the summit meeting.

07/03/19 8:30:43

“ ...... your call is very valuable to us, you are now 3rd in the queue ...”

11/01/19 8:20:35

clever

Mike mainly sang about his fishing trips

07/11/18 9:22:04

She was hoping to land Phil

11/12/17 12:46:25

lol

"Looks like you've been collared .... Oops"
"Now don't start acting all shirty .... oh sorry again"
"Ere, has anyone got any cuffs? ....... really sorry mate, you must think us terribly insensitive."

06/10/17 14:12:40

lol

They did a lovely job with the bandages, after the incident with the seagull.

02/10/17 21:10:07

"Twit, tw.., tw.., ahem ......... sorry it's no good, I've got a frog in my throat."

10/02/17 8:07:29

During the pregnancy, Prunella had some very strange carvings..

19/12/16 20:07:26

Salmon Ella

08/12/16 12:03:07

"I told you not to wash her with the Red Setter."

09/06/16 8:11:49

Yule tide

02/04/16 8:36:55

"Hello Sir ...... the Escort you ordered ..."

12/03/16 20:38:14

Normally he didn't go for this type ...... he preferred his girls to be a little dimmer.

01/11/15 20:05:58

Sally just found out that she had three half brothers.

25/07/15 12:18:40

"Any chance you girls fancy handling swollen goods?"

30/04/15 20:09:13

clever

The body of Christ - concrete evidence.

26/01/15 8:18:13

The Welsh appear to have raised their game after losing in their own back yard last time.

19/09/14 20:26:59

"Before accepting the terms of the job, little Jack carried out a full Rusk Assessment."

06/08/14 20:37:13

Pitcher Postcards

25/05/14 20:19:02

"Who are you calling a Cox sucker?"

07/04/14 8:30:42

You cannot wear real fur without loss of face.

20/02/14 11:29:50

The bedroom always brought back memories of night mares.

06/12/13 8:02:23

Burlesconi's shadow cabinet

26/09/13 20:20:47

They both refused to be suede

18/01/13 8:12:48

Voted Witch Magazine's best value vegetable stall

15/11/12 12:01:00

He's been like this since he was Bjorn

13/05/12 11:14:06

"House Arrest..........HA, I laugh at your house arrest"

22/04/12 11:15:54

Auto-Biography

19/03/12 20:12:12

Post Erectile Dysfunction

13/02/12 20:07:33

Mice Cubes

03/02/12 20:01:54

Following the 'coming out' of Frank Maloney, Suggs is next ..... it's absolute Madness.

30/09/14 10:37:22

"So Mary ........... you look a little different from your profile picture."

03/09/14 12:07:18

Prisoner 9763 had been on the run for almost 4 years.

20/08/14 8:45:14

Inflatable pool ......... beware of punchers

26/07/14 12:35:32

Amazon ...... for all your deliveries

14/07/14 12:04:12

Sports kit

24/06/14 20:40:08

Once again the chance to win the painting eludes Tim as he fails to land the hoop on the cross and it sits there mocking him on the head of the statue.

10/06/14 8:12:14

"Mrs Francis ...... we're going to let you back up now as there are some inspectors coming to the care home. Now remember, you have a sore throat and can't speak."

06/05/14 12:07:56

Mount Olympus

01/05/14 20:13:40

"Have you completed a whisk assessment form?"

20/04/14 20:04:41

Cat gut your tongue?

11/03/14 20:08:21

"Dennis ........... there's a bird in the forecourt wants to put down a deposit on one of the cars."

25/02/14 20:08:29

Kerb your drink habit

22/11/13 9:06:00

"How's a girl to choose the right bouquet?"

23/08/13 20:24:25

creative

Tony's profile picture may suggest that he hasn't quite grasped the point of match.com

17/06/13 20:09:04

When Oliver said that he was kipping in Lucy's pad last night, no one believed him

22/03/13 20:30:58

Hooked on cigarettes

03/02/13 8:58:48

creative

Digitas

14/01/13 20:04:12

Minors Strike

15/12/12 12:00:42

"Wrong gear mate"

22/11/12 20:18:26

After losing a fortune on poker.com Tony realised he had been playing a Cheetah

15/11/12 20:09:13

Time to Deathecate

06/11/12 8:17:37

"Watch the flock in road....Bitch"

19/10/12 20:23:43

Post Traumatic Stress

12/10/12 20:05:36

"I'll Bee back"

26/08/12 9:19:33

Jeremy was known for his wandering hands

05/06/12 20:18:27

Guess we can rule out a Swallow

19/05/12 21:20:59

Amour Plated Glass

08/05/12 20:13:51

The brochure suggested holidaying in Bath

05/05/12 11:13:16

Chris Beach's To Do board

18/01/12 20:36:50

Hazel was an emulsional wreck.

08/01/12 11:21:02

The two brushes looked out of sink.

15/12/11 12:54:38

Mick wore his best black shirt and was happy to get paid as an extra - he had to admit, he just didn’t understand these tampon adverts.

07/05/19 8:13:46

“That's nothing, yesterday at dinner she slipped into a Korma ....”

13/01/19 9:16:19

Bungee jumping ………. what harm can it do?

03/10/18 12:01:31

Guess which bloody glue they used

04/06/18 12:22:41

“ .... just putting you on hold”

04/01/18 12:15:04

Human trafficking

20/11/17 8:51:03

"Don't worry Dad, I think he just recognises some of the songs on your iPod."

07/10/17 20:30:07

lol x2

Sperm bank showcase their new mobile units.

02/03/17 12:09:03

They brought gold, frankfurters and myrrh

24/12/16 12:12:57

The Cocaine was turning him into a vegetable.

10/11/16 8:17:00

The Morris Minor was an elegant classic but Matt preferred the Escort.

25/09/16 8:13:01

"Morning and welcome to this mornings slave auction, first lot a male, 176cm tall, good teeth and comes with a free hat ..........."

11/06/16 8:09:08

Flared trousers

22/09/15 8:48:57

Although it was a statue, there were signs of a movement.

12/09/15 20:55:18

clever

BBQE2

26/05/15 20:25:14

He's died and gone to Evian

29/04/15 8:13:31

lol

"Have you been rimming those sheep again Grandad?"

24/04/15 8:02:57

A bum note

09/11/14 13:04:16

The steaks have just been raised.

18/08/19 20:05:38

I decorated the hall this weekend and took your advice about going for a 'boulder look'.

12/10/18 12:01:34

Does that still apply for a 4 x 4?

17/09/18 13:00:54

"Davis, in the red trunks, looks like he's about to deliver that lethal right rook........"

18/08/18 9:28:21

Just an appetiser ......... he’s got a pair of Pumas saved for later

16/08/18 8:41:52

... because Christmas is for students too ....

07/12/17 12:09:43

As the bills kept on coming, she was beginning to think she may be in deep water.

31/10/17 11:26:02

lol

"Thank you for applying for the job here at Screwfix and we are pleased to hear how excited you are about our staff discount scheme .. unfortunately, on this occasion however ..........."

27/10/17 12:07:15

Nanny said she spent many years waiting on tables.

04/07/17 8:16:50

It's a very old nest box ....... the tits are starting to sag

03/05/17 15:36:23

lol creative clever

After the house fire and the plastic surgeon reconstructing his ears, Ahmed regretted his wife's generous donation of labia skin-grafts

16/02/17 20:10:59

"A pint Mr Simpson? ......... we only offer imperial measures."

12/12/16 12:08:07

lol

"Get away from me man .... what are you, some sort of football coach?"

04/12/16 12:15:50

The Church of the Latte Day Saints

06/07/16 8:12:37

Pane relief

23/03/16 12:18:23

Goods in ....... front entrance only

29/02/16 21:31:34

clever x2

Another departure from 'The Shadow Cabinet'.

10/01/16 10:23:27