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John Llamas

signed up: 9 years, 12 months ago
profile viewed: 88 time(s) this week
caption quota: 10
caption votes given since joining: 14,410
comment quota: 10
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captions

lol x2

creative x2

clever

Charles did not even flinch as the Swallow flew into his nose.

01/12/16 8:34:50

Well you've now got more for that comment Mark.... --Mr Dome

lol

creative

........ just posting some pictures of my trip

10/01/19 8:41:39

You must've had a lovely time. Is that a picture of your-niece, then? :^) --Crunchy Chords

creative

clever

This sort of thing just makes me cross

07/09/18 8:14:55

clever x3

Pasture bedtime

20/09/15 20:05:58

Have to agree with Mr Glover - this is a winner. --Dan Nicholls

lol x2

clever

The locals were more accustomed to seeing stools washed up on the beach.

29/01/15 12:14:36

Ales of the Unexpected

18/09/12 8:17:42

Water Raleigh and Francis Drake

11/08/12 11:01:06

"I reared him myself."

14/10/15 20:10:32

lol

creative

We didn't always have hair dryers

23/09/15 12:15:06

clever

Pisa Hut

02/02/15 8:11:39

creative x3

Teaching an Ostrich to ride a motorbike was always going to prove difficult

04/01/13 12:17:10

".... see Dave, I told you this car was a "˜pussy magnet'. ..."

11/01/19 12:39:44

clever

Auditions for Madame Butterfly were earlier than expected .........

29/08/18 8:16:55

lol x2

We asked 10 cats if they preferred Whiskas ...... here's what the other two said, for those of you who have always wondered.

14/08/14 12:12:52

lol

"Was there anything else you wanted, besides decking on the porch?"

27/03/13 8:13:37

Well, it was at a knock down price. --Dan Dan

creative

Squatters move in after Tennant moves on

06/03/13 12:03:16

"You said ...'write something punchy' ..."

27/09/18 9:12:20

29/09/17 12:07:00

22/04/14 12:10:33

"Sorry officer, I didn't see the light."

22/04/14 8:43:23

"Fred.........could you turn the serving machine down a touch?"

21/11/12 20:05:21

Plaquerazzi

04/11/12 8:22:33

£100
WINNER

Against her better judgement, Vicky accepted a lift home from her blind date.

23/04/12 11:05:15

Council announce further playgrounds in the pipeline.

09/09/14 8:10:27

creative

Some adverts just blow you away.

12/08/14 14:06:38

lol

"You here about the Jessops gift vouchers too?"

10/01/13 20:05:29

This is believed to pre-date the Ironing Age

30/10/12 20:05:12

Top Queer

20/07/12 20:09:55

Jack loved going for a ride with his 'half brother.'

23/04/12 20:24:43

Mick’s - in – bowl

22/04/12 20:00:33

ten-tickles

19/09/11 11:04:11

Am I only the one who thinks this is no better than below average??? --Grover D. Bluebottle IV

lol

"S**t ..... where's the baby?"

07/10/18 21:06:28

Thank you for this one. I've had to Super Vote cos I'm... ahem still tittering. --Vivvy En

lol

Stan has an itchy bum .... sadly for him, he doesn't know his arse from his elbow.

30/11/16 21:09:12

lol x3

"Smell that ..... I'll give you a clue, it's not Scampi Fries."

21/09/16 8:03:57

The bills are piling up at the door.

21/08/15 20:41:17

Vowel movements will also not be tolerated.

29/05/15 20:33:21

No swimming if you are in-consonant. --Dan Nicholls

"I think the hoover bag might be full love."

16/11/18 9:28:54

"I thought you said it was spitting distance "¦"¦"¦"

07/09/18 12:14:23

"Quick, QUICK ...... Duracell anyone ..."

07/05/18 20:51:12

lol

Pint and a small house swine

29/05/17 20:10:09

High in fibre

19/05/17 21:20:59

The Officer's Mess

15/09/16 20:08:36

lol

Neil was seeing other girls behind her back.

03/09/16 8:04:25

lol

"The good news is, we didn't find any drugs.
The bad news ..... you have an enlarged prostate ..."

07/06/16 21:35:02

Love it! --Greg Curtis

lol

"OK ......... got a signal, stay there folks. Hi Mum ....... "

14/09/15 8:11:51

lol

Not-work Rail

01/03/15 20:26:38

The tree had no chance once Ivy took hold.

10/11/14 10:39:15

lol

The nursery school bus crash into the Piranha infested water made identifying the remains of the kids a tricky task.

02/09/14 20:21:02

Great caption. Could reword slightly to make it "snappier":"After a nursery school bus crashed into Piranha-infested water, identifying remains was tricky."or"Identifying remains was tricky after a nursery school... --Chris Beach

Fathers for just chips

15/08/14 8:08:48

Sister'S ledge

22/04/14 20:06:07

Pump Fiction

08/01/14 12:10:39

lol

"Ooh you are nautical.............but I like you"

09/05/13 8:36:29

Gnaw/tickle? --Ross Davidson

Those with a nut allergy.. look away now

06/06/12 20:18:31

"The water here tastes of Pete, ...... just like they said at the distillery"

09/08/18 12:08:20

clever

Mick was not entirely happy with the terms of his bale conditions.

03/01/18 8:27:59

lol

Papua New Guinea Rotisserie

19/10/17 8:26:57

Here, have a Vivvy Super Vote, you've earned it. I've just bobbed into Tesco for a few provisions and absolutely lost it at the sight of the rotisserie. Cracked up, well done! I can't shop there again for a few weeks tho. --Vivvy En

lol

The wife said .."Do you think you could do something with that skip in the driveway?"
Challenge accepted ..... I thought

29/09/17 8:04:49

The boys in the gang were worried that at any time they could be facing the sack
(nod to 12.07)

25/08/17 12:11:02

I heard it was due to cut backs --Ross Davidson

lol

Where are they now ...... Lionel Blair

25/03/17 21:11:57

Brilliant! Can't stop laughing --Welsh Rarebit

Skuldruggery

08/12/16 8:16:20

lol

"Just buy a bloody unicycle."

28/11/16 12:29:59

A caption about a bmx will not impress me at all; however a unicycle one wheel! --Andrea Hickling

Before being souped up.

15/10/15 12:27:06

creative

People are not coming to fairground so much so we had to reduce the staff.

02/10/15 8:53:25

lol

"I picked it up at a car boot sale."

18/08/15 20:07:28

Chilean Miners release unseen pictures

08/01/15 20:14:47

"I used to be a Hell's Angel but that's all behind me now."

11/11/14 21:38:47

lol

"No love, I said I want to look at a Hospice"

26/10/14 20:00:22

creative

Having been caught pedalling again, this time Maria was given a longer sentence

13/03/14 20:22:54

A pot belly would be useful at this point

05/03/14 12:02:57

The hat and cape were reviewed as 'cheap looking and unconvincing' - ( Witch Magazine )

27/02/14 12:02:52

"I am not turning around until I get those f**king drums back"

11/02/14 12:11:43

Caption.me apologises for delays in seeing some pictures due to the Golf coverage

30/01/14 8:11:10

As a golfer I was about to suggest cricket coverage when the penny finally dropped.....Excellent caption. --Ian Mclaren

lol

"Abandon Shit!"

17/01/14 12:45:17

50% off all bikes at Halfords.

25/10/13 12:16:18

creative

Uncle Brian had been there for 3 hours reading the suspiciously large book since we put the Viagra in his breakfast.

14/06/13 12:38:25

The Copse had him surrounded.

10/06/13 8:44:41

"What's up Doc?"

18/02/13 12:01:36

"Soft Scoop Icecream my arse"

06/01/13 20:06:27

A near myth

22/08/12 12:06:19

Esther had no problems achieving her 'miserable little shit badge'

24/05/12 20:05:49

I came looking for Pluto not Uranus

20/03/12 20:21:01

Don't worry we'll stop pulling bits out once the buzzer sounds

17/03/12 20:01:44

Tell meow this happened.

18/12/11 22:14:57

He's from the Isle of Man

09/12/11 11:25:52

Warning...May contain nuts.

07/11/11 20:15:43

Pick it, lick it, roll it and flick it.

05/06/13 12:07:10

"Play your cards right and you may also have me for receiving swollen goods later."

03/04/13 12:33:50

Under a vest? --Isla gray

Eyefull Tower

01/12/12 20:07:04

Ground Coffee

15/09/12 8:17:27

Some of you may have noticed a slight increase in postage costs earlier in the year. This was to cover essential infrastructure updates.

08/08/12 21:35:22

Guinesstrone

25/06/12 20:15:25

" ..... yes, I know I said we need a cycling coach but ....."

22/05/20 20:10:34

"It's like art ... only boulder"

14/09/19 12:47:22

clever

...... and so the revolution begins

18/11/18 21:04:28

The Peasants are revolving --Mr Dome

lol

Baseball caps ........ maybe they should come with instructions.

07/03/18 12:06:59

Trill seeker

06/02/18 21:14:08

"Can I get a copy of your Bolognese recipe Jean? .............."

08/05/17 8:04:03

clever

Between a rocker and a hard face

19/02/17 20:21:21

Nothing and nobody gets in the way of the 8 o'clock caption.

03/09/16 8:01:12

"I think you might have a puncher mate."

17/11/15 20:24:01

"Sit down, you look shattered."

16/10/15 12:08:24

"What makes you think I've cheated on you again darling?"

01/10/15 13:16:38

Very good. --Michael Monkhouse

lol x2

Ron was always cruising around, picking up bitches.

20/07/15 20:09:51

We all need somewhere to reflect.

07/11/14 8:04:07

Secret footage emerges of early Russia preparations underway for 2024 Paralympics

27/05/20 20:22:56

Donald Trump's advisers suggest he enters Mexico discreetly for the summit meeting.

07/03/19 8:30:43

" ...... your call is very valuable to us, you are now 3rd in the queue ..."

11/01/19 8:20:35

clever

Mike mainly sang about his fishing trips

07/11/18 9:22:04

She was hoping to land Phil

11/12/17 12:46:25

lol

"Looks like you've been collared .... Oops"
"Now don't start acting all shirty .... oh sorry again"
"Ere, has anyone got any cuffs? ....... really sorry mate, you must think us terribly insensitive."

06/10/17 14:12:40

lol

They did a lovely job with the bandages, after the incident with the seagull.

02/10/17 21:10:07

"Twit, tw.., tw.., ahem ......... sorry it's no good, I've got a frog in my throat."

10/02/17 8:07:29

During the pregnancy, Prunella had some very strange carvings..

19/12/16 20:07:26

Salmon Ella

08/12/16 12:03:07

"I told you not to wash her with the Red Setter."

09/06/16 8:11:49

Yule tide

02/04/16 8:36:55

"Hello Sir ...... the Escort you ordered ..."

12/03/16 20:38:14

Normally he didn't go for this type ...... he preferred his girls to be a little dimmer.

01/11/15 20:05:58

Sally just found out that she had three half brothers.

25/07/15 12:18:40

"Any chance you girls fancy handling swollen goods?"

30/04/15 20:09:13

clever

The body of Christ - concrete evidence.

26/01/15 8:18:13

The Welsh appear to have raised their game after losing in their own back yard last time.

19/09/14 20:26:59

"Before accepting the terms of the job, little Jack carried out a full Rusk Assessment."

06/08/14 20:37:13

Pitcher Postcards

25/05/14 20:19:02

"Who are you calling a Cox sucker?"

07/04/14 8:30:42

You cannot wear real fur without loss of face.

20/02/14 11:29:50

The bedroom always brought back memories of night mares.

06/12/13 8:02:23

Burlesconi's shadow cabinet

26/09/13 20:20:47

They both refused to be suede

18/01/13 8:12:48

Voted Witch Magazine's best value vegetable stall

15/11/12 12:01:00

He's been like this since he was Bjorn

13/05/12 11:14:06

"House Arrest..........HA, I laugh at your house arrest"

22/04/12 11:15:54

Auto-Biography

19/03/12 20:12:12

Post Erectile Dysfunction

13/02/12 20:07:33

Mice Cubes

03/02/12 20:01:54

Following the 'coming out' of Frank Maloney, Suggs is next ..... it's absolute Madness.

30/09/14 10:37:22

"So Mary ........... you look a little different from your profile picture."

03/09/14 12:07:18

"Yeah, sorry. You should now call me Mark." --Doh Nutter

Prisoner 9763 had been on the run for almost 4 years.

20/08/14 8:45:14

Inflatable pool ......... beware of punchers

26/07/14 12:35:32

Amazon ...... for all your deliveries

14/07/14 12:04:12

Sports kit

24/06/14 20:40:08

Once again the chance to win the painting eludes Tim as he fails to land the hoop on the cross and it sits there mocking him on the head of the statue.

10/06/14 8:12:14

"Mrs Francis ...... we're going to let you back up now as there are some inspectors coming to the care home. Now remember, you have a sore throat and can't speak."

06/05/14 12:07:56

Mount Olympus

01/05/14 20:13:40

"Have you completed a whisk assessment form?"

20/04/14 20:04:41

Cat gut your tongue?

11/03/14 20:08:21

"Dennis ........... there's a bird in the forecourt wants to put down a deposit on one of the cars."

25/02/14 20:08:29

Kerb your drink habit

22/11/13 9:06:00

"How's a girl to choose the right bouquet?"

23/08/13 20:24:25

creative

Tony's profile picture may suggest that he hasn't quite grasped the point of match.com

17/06/13 20:09:04

When Oliver said that he was kipping in Lucy's pad last night, no one believed him

22/03/13 20:30:58

03/02/13 8:58:48

14/01/13 20:04:12

15/12/12 12:00:42

22/11/12 20:18:26

After losing a fortune on poker.com Tony realised he had been playing a Cheetah

15/11/12 20:09:13

Time to Deathecate

06/11/12 8:17:37

"Watch the flock in road....Bitch"

19/10/12 20:23:43

Post Traumatic Stress

12/10/12 20:05:36

"I'll Bee back"

26/08/12 9:19:33

Jeremy was known for his wandering hands

05/06/12 20:18:27

Guess we can rule out a Swallow

19/05/12 21:20:59

Amour Plated Glass

08/05/12 20:13:51

The brochure suggested holidaying in Bath

05/05/12 11:13:16

Chris Beach's To Do board

18/01/12 20:36:50

Hazel was an emulsional wreck.

08/01/12 11:21:02

The two brushes looked out of sink.

15/12/11 12:54:38

Mick wore his best black shirt and was happy to get paid as an extra - he had to admit, he just didn't understand these tampon adverts.

07/05/19 8:13:46

"That's nothing, yesterday at dinner she slipped into a Korma ...."

13/01/19 9:16:19

Bungee jumping "¦"¦"¦. what harm can it do?

03/10/18 12:01:31

Brilliantly crafted. I couldn't think of a funny line with bungee jumping in it. --Funny Bean

Guess which bloody glue they used

04/06/18 12:22:41

Made me snort. --Barrie Bullock

" .... just putting you on hold"

04/01/18 12:15:04

Human trafficking

20/11/17 8:51:03

"Don't worry Dad, I think he just recognises some of the songs on your iPod."

07/10/17 20:30:07

lol x2

Sperm bank showcase their new mobile units.

02/03/17 12:09:03

They brought gold, frankfurters and myrrh

24/12/16 12:12:57

The Cocaine was turning him into a vegetable.

10/11/16 8:17:00

...until, thank God, he found a step program. --Greg Curtis

The Morris Minor was an elegant classic but Matt preferred the Escort.

25/09/16 8:13:01

"Morning and welcome to this mornings slave auction, first lot a male, 176cm tall, good teeth and comes with a free hat ..........."

11/06/16 8:09:08

Flared trousers

22/09/15 8:48:57

Although it was a statue, there were signs of a movement.

12/09/15 20:55:18

clever

BBQE2

26/05/15 20:25:14

I wonder where it is baste --Boycie

He's died and gone to Evian

29/04/15 8:13:31

Lol! --Cath Jones

lol

"Have you been rimming those sheep again Grandad?"

24/04/15 8:02:57

"I've been...b-a-a-a-a-d." --Greg Curtis

A bum note

09/11/14 13:04:16

The steaks have just been raised.

18/08/19 20:05:38

I decorated the hall this weekend and took your advice about going for a 'boulder look'.

12/10/18 12:01:34

Does that still apply for a 4 x 4?

17/09/18 13:00:54

"Davis, in the red trunks, looks like he's about to deliver that lethal right rook........"

18/08/18 9:28:21

Just an appetiser ......... he's got a pair of Pumas saved for later

16/08/18 8:41:52

... because Christmas is for students too ....

07/12/17 12:09:43

Ravioli Christmas dinner ........ sounds divine --John Llamas

As the bills kept on coming, she was beginning to think she may be in deep water.

31/10/17 11:26:02

lol

"Thank you for applying for the job here at Screwfix and we are pleased to hear how excited you are about our staff discount scheme .. unfortunately, on this occasion however ..........."

27/10/17 12:07:15

"Here When You Need Pus" --Crunchy Chords

Nanny said she spent many years waiting on tables.

04/07/17 8:16:50

It's a very old nest box ....... the tits are starting to sag

03/05/17 15:36:23

lol

creative

clever

After the house fire and the plastic surgeon reconstructing his ears, Ahmed regretted his wife's generous donation of labia skin-grafts

16/02/17 20:10:59

"A pint Mr Simpson? ......... we only offer imperial measures."

12/12/16 12:08:07

lol

"Get away from me man .... what are you, some sort of football coach?"

04/12/16 12:15:50

The Church of the Latte Day Saints

06/07/16 8:12:37

Pane relief

23/03/16 12:18:23

more captions

last comments (total: 600)

Would he pay in sterling?

stone face

22/01/19
10:49am

comment on caption:
Presumably this is referring to the Man City striker, in which case he would get his Kompany to swap a little Silva for some supplies and he'd soon be on the Mendy. [John Llamas]

Hopefully, otherwise he might have De Bruyne stains

Mr Dome

22/01/19
2:05pm

You have my vote but Felix's surname is Baumgartner.

Dot Old

20/04/19
7:40am

comment on caption:
Felix Baumgatner's landing target. [John Llamas]

I think the original gives it more of a daft twist

Mr Dome

23/09/19
5:06pm

comment on caption:
Guide horses ...... for blind dogs [John Llamas]

What about cats with cataracts?

Scrijjy Doo

23/09/19
5:11pm

comment on caption:
Guide horses ...... for blind dogs [John Llamas]

I don't see why that's funny

Mr Dome

24/09/19
10:55am

comment on caption:
Guide horses ...... for blind dogs [John Llamas]

Or... Ann O. Rexia?
Ann O'Rexia?
Ann O. Wrecksya?

Willie Johnson

11/06/20
8:32pm

comment on caption:
Training appeared to be going well for the fight against Ann O'Rexia [John Llamas]

I think you're right .... let's make her Irish

(caption author)

11/06/20
8:39pm

comment on caption:
Training appeared to be going well for the fight against Ann O'Rexia [John Llamas]

The beginning of his showbiz name... starting with Charlie Merkin. Though behind closed doors they lovingly called him Slurpin Merkin.

Mauris Iocus

03/02/21
8:08pm

comment on caption:
After the overindulgences of the night before, the girls were not sure who's merkin it was perched beneath Tom's nose but none of them were about to tell him. [John Llamas]

See 12:00:13. No need to edit.

[anon]

31/03/21
12:20pm

comment on caption:
"Perkins, I just may have thought of a way that we can break out of this snow globe ......" [John Llamas]

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John Llamas

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last comments (total: 600)

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