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Mark England Vote score: 24343Mark England

"Be careful R2D2. It could be a trap"

26/01/26 20:11:24

James Lennox Vote score: 27246James Lennox

Private Dave was dreading boot camp, he was already struggling at sock camp.

02/12/25 12:30:39

Ben Samuel Vote score: 4701Ben Samuel

Out of the frying pan and into the dryer

22/10/25 11:01:15

Lara Holly Vote score: 2684Lara Holly

Police finally flush him out

02/09/25 11:18:32

James Lennox Vote score: 27246James Lennox

"Honey, do you mind if we stay in tonight? That surfer's leg I had earlier is really disagreeing with me."

23/08/25 7:16:06

John Harrison Vote score: 11365John Harrison

"Do the decent thing Dave, and bury the poor thing."

29/07/25 11:03:39

Ben Samuel Vote score: 4701Ben Samuel

By the time Mary had unbuttoned Dave’s shirt, the moment had passed.

09/06/25 7:02:18

Karen McDonald Vote score: 6700Karen McDonald

"I feel like doing something different- pass the WD40."

03/06/25 7:07:38

Dave Bryan Vote score: 41244Dave Bryan

''Getting that air bed was a big mistake.''

29/05/25 11:07:18

Vivvy En Vote score: 17261Vivvy En

£50

"Phew! I made it eventually. Just took a few wrong turns."

15/04/25 7:05:11

Not only has Vivvy provided us with a super caption, but she has also donated her winnings back to the caption.me prize fund! Thank you so much! --Chris Beach
Molly R Vote score: 5355Molly R

£50

"There must be easier ways to make crop circles."

26/03/25 8:06:07

A special mention to James Lennox with three shortlisted captions in the top ten! Your komodo dragon caption was awesome. --Stephen Bean
James Lennox Vote score: 27246James Lennox

A horse walks into a bra...

10/03/25 20:00:18

James Lennox Vote score: 27246James Lennox

"I don't want to alarm anyone, but..." said the captain of the Titan submersible.

12/02/25 12:10:49

The depths some will sink for a gag. --Tony S
Stephen Bean Vote score: 54616Stephen Bean

Fellas?

05/02/25 20:03:43

James Lennox Vote score: 27246James Lennox

Road Steward

30/01/25 12:13:27

James Lennox Vote score: 27246James Lennox

Like a deer in the headlines.

20/01/25 20:08:38

Dave Bryan Vote score: 41244Dave Bryan

''Dave, for God's sake do something.''

''Shoo!''

15/01/25 8:07:17

Ben Samuel Vote score: 4701Ben Samuel

“To have and too old”

10/01/25 12:03:27

Dave Bryan Vote score: 41244Dave Bryan

''Did you manage to get the lid off, Sandra?''

06/01/25 12:07:00

Ian Skelding Vote score: 35529Ian Skelding

“Sorry Sir, we were told not to give you a knife.”

18/12/24 12:14:06

Tony S Vote score: 13376Tony S

I'm afraid he may be bran dead.

27/11/24 12:18:12

Ian Skelding Vote score: 35529Ian Skelding

“This is not just food, this is S&M food.”

23/11/24 12:05:57, edited: 23/11/24 12:06:58

Mike Walsh Vote score: 179Mike Walsh

🎶 Mow, mow, mow your boat, gently down the stream. 🎶

27/10/24 20:10:28

Voting is still live, Cap Auth. Caption writing is open for 24 hours, but voting is open for 72. You may still get your first win ;) (PS, I changed your comment identity to 'Caption Author' just so it's not revealed prior to voting close) --James Lennox
Scrijjy Doo Vote score: 18669Scrijjy Doo

Please, no matches in the forest.

17/10/24 19:11:47

John Harrison Vote score: 11365John Harrison

When all you can get is an online dentist.

01/10/24 11:02:51

Chris Keegan Vote score: 15837Chris Keegan

Dave's put on a few stones.

16/09/24 11:04:38, edited: 16/09/24 11:05:01

Dave Bryan Vote score: 41244Dave Bryan

''I kneaded somewhere to live.''

01/09/24 7:14:10

Chris Keegan Vote score: 15837Chris Keegan

The other side reads - Told you so.

29/08/24 11:03:30

Vanessa  the Guesser Vote score: 25287Vanessa the Guesser

"My joystick's not working."

"It hasn't for years, dear."

10/08/24 11:14:49

Stephen Bean Vote score: 54616Stephen Bean

Mortal Tomcat

05/08/24 11:17:45

Dave Bryan Vote score: 41244Dave Bryan

To be honest, I can't see that hairstyle taking off.

12/06/24 7:05:28

Dave Bryan Vote score: 41244Dave Bryan

Gillette: The breast a man can get.

08/06/24 19:06:58

KT A Vote score: 13468KT A

Perfect for traffic jams

31/05/24 7:11:46

Troompa Loompa Vote score: 24667Troompa Loompa

Weapon of Mouse Destruction

25/05/24 19:24:56

John Harrison Vote score: 11365John Harrison

"He'll be full of beans in no time."

05/05/24 19:13:15

Al Overy Vote score: 22647Al Overy

This house belongs to a famous wrapper.

28/04/24 19:01:12

Mr Dome  Vote score: 20601Mr Dome

Pitchin Vader

24/04/24 11:04:56

Stephen Bean Vote score: 54616Stephen Bean

On the straight and narrow

21/04/24 7:05:18

Karen McDonald Vote score: 6700Karen McDonald

This broad's got legs that stop traffic!

14/04/24 11:03:56

Tony Edwards Vote score: 43017Tony Edwards

The Grim Repair

06/04/24 11:08:32

Troompa Loompa Vote score: 24667Troompa Loompa

Not exactly cutting hedge technology.

25/03/24 20:09:26, edited: 25/03/24 20:13:37

C CaMel Vote score: 20239C CaMel

Testing practices criticised at Pampers.

19/03/24 12:08:13

Vanessa  the Guesser Vote score: 25287Vanessa the Guesser

Strike of genius.

02/03/24 12:07:56

Dave Bryan Vote score: 41244Dave Bryan

''How much longer are you going to be in there?''

26/02/24 12:03:50

Jo Vote score: 5099Jo

This one's drowned.Guess they weren't a witch after all

24/02/24 8:01:03

Al Overy Vote score: 22647Al Overy

Collect extra Nectar points!

29/01/24 8:19:04

Al Overy Vote score: 22647Al Overy

Cold caller

26/01/24 8:00:17

Al Overy Vote score: 22647Al Overy

🎵 My art will go on...

24/01/24 12:05:35, edited: 24/01/24 12:07:11

Dave Bryan Vote score: 41244Dave Bryan

''Help yourself. There's no strings attached.''

20/01/24 12:06:32

Dan Nicholls Vote score: 20737Dan Nicholls

Don't move, you're turtally surrounded

18/01/24 12:03:48

Greg Curtis Vote score: 9513Greg Curtis

"It's moments like this, Dave, that remind me of just how insignificant you are."

16/01/24 12:15:18, edited: 16/01/24 18:37:55, suggested edits

You may not want to edit again, Cap Auth, but I'd suggest keep it subtle and let the reader do the work. --James Lennox
John Harrison Vote score: 11365John Harrison

"Well, you grabbed my tit."

"I know, but I was trying to tickle your kneecaps."

11/01/24 12:07:48, edited: 11/01/24 12:14:57

Vivvy En Vote score: 17261Vivvy En

"Waking up in the gutter, lads, that was some stag do."

11/01/24 8:05:25

C CaMel Vote score: 20239C CaMel

“I’m just saying of all the places to put the stick…”

10/01/24 20:25:21

C CaMel Vote score: 20239C CaMel

“What alerted you to the fact the pilot might have been drinking?”

31/12/23 8:18:12

Vanessa  the Guesser Vote score: 25287Vanessa the Guesser

Lidl Women

27/12/23 8:09:34

Stephen Bean Vote score: 54616Stephen Bean

Thomas The Tanked Engine

22/12/23 8:13:58

C CaMel Vote score: 20239C CaMel

“BMW driver, just hand washed it, you know what to do.”

19/12/23 8:00:57

John Harrison Vote score: 11365John Harrison

"...and then later on, we'll get on to some actual motor bikes."

16/12/23 12:02:57

Ian Skelding Vote score: 35529Ian Skelding

“Daddy, why’s there an extension lead going to next door’s garage?”
“Shhhh.”

01/12/23 8:09:51, edited: 01/12/23 8:10:45

Mr Dome  Vote score: 20601Mr Dome

This new leaf blower's a bit powerful, Dave

28/11/23 12:07:46

Stephen Bean Vote score: 54616Stephen Bean

The pen is mightier than the sword.

19/11/23 20:03:29

Tony S Vote score: 13376Tony S

That's the last time we Invite Basil Brush onto pro celebrity golf.

31/10/23 23:03:13

C CaMel Vote score: 20239C CaMel

Director’s Cut

23/10/23 11:02:35

The Wolf Vote score: 21910The Wolf

"Mum, there's still no sign of Santa."

16/09/23 19:03:37

The Wolf Vote score: 21910The Wolf

"Tony, why is there a shit in the sink?"

11/09/23 11:03:27

Mr Dome  Vote score: 20601Mr Dome

Come on Mavis, only 8976 left to clean. Remember we need to do 10000 steps a day

06/09/23 7:35:09

Lol --Glyn Evans
C CaMel Vote score: 20239C CaMel

“Can you believe it, 9 life sentences.”

05/09/23 11:01:16

The Wolf Vote score: 21910The Wolf

Interflora has really gone downhill.

04/09/23 7:16:28

Vanessa  the Guesser Vote score: 25287Vanessa the Guesser

"I'm more used to driving Double Deckers."

18/08/23 7:12:15

Dave Bryan Vote score: 41244Dave Bryan

Fat women riding ostriches? Somehow I don't think it will take off.

30/07/23 19:21:40, edited: 30/07/23 19:38:07

Mr Dome  Vote score: 20601Mr Dome

Alecia was annoyed with the person who had stolen her brim

27/07/23 7:10:34

Took me a while, but I finally got there. --John Glover
Stephen Bean Vote score: 54616Stephen Bean

LGBTQKFC

20/07/23 11:08:41

Tony S Vote score: 13376Tony S

I think it's ON upside down.

28/05/23 7:06:26

Is it not on back to front? --Mr Dome
Neil Mackenzie Vote score: 16401Neil Mackenzie

They were going to sell the house but then decided to keep it.

20/04/23 8:23:24

Dave Bryan Vote score: 41244Dave Bryan

''Read the small print, Billy. The Devil is in the detail.''

08/04/23 7:07:49

The Wolf Vote score: 21910The Wolf

"THIS IS THE POLICE. PULL OVER, GET OUT OF THE VAN AND SPREAD 'EM."

02/04/23 19:37:25, edited: 02/04/23 19:48:48

He should start doing donuts as a distraction  --KimJong Pun
Al Overy Vote score: 22647Al Overy

"Too much, Mr Hitchcock?"

24/03/23 12:00:12

Tony S Vote score: 13376Tony S

When your dad gets married to a Mermaid and you have to share a room with her kid.

23/03/23 12:08:30

John Harrison Vote score: 11365John Harrison

“Have you tried switching it off and on again?”

08/03/23 20:00:12

Can you find the switch? --Willie Johnson
Martin Veith Vote score: 1267Martin Veith

"This teabag's not working."

"You have to remove the rapper."

24/02/23 20:46:39

John Harrison Vote score: 11365John Harrison

It was the perfect practical joke...Dave hid his wife's hairbrush where he knew she'd never look.

08/02/23 12:08:53

Julia Kinsey Vote score: 2549Julia Kinsey

“It must’ve shrunk in the carwash"

02/02/23 12:01:35

Julia Kinsey Vote score: 2549Julia Kinsey

Why do celebrities give their kids such ridiculous names…

26/01/23 12:00:26

James Lennox Vote score: 27246James Lennox

"Lord Vader, the Rebels are attacking. Perhaps you should change out of your pyjamas."

27/12/22 20:01:39

Stephen Bean Vote score: 54616Stephen Bean

Dessert Orchid

21/12/22 12:04:04

Stephen Bean Vote score: 54616Stephen Bean

Grasper Carrot

29/11/22 12:00:05

I only recently found out that Lucy Davis (The Office, Shaun of the Dead) is Jasper Carrot's daughter. You all in the UK probably know this already but I felt compelled to share. --James Lennox
Tony S Vote score: 13376Tony S

It was on the A la carte menu.

15/11/22 8:05:23

Neil Mackenzie Vote score: 16401Neil Mackenzie

Come in number 10 your time is up.

10/11/22 17:03:35

John Harrison Vote score: 11365John Harrison

Thomas The Tank Engine woke up with a throbbing head and a mouth like the inside of a budgies cage. "Can anyone remember where we left Annie and Clarabel last night?" he said.

25/10/22 21:32:00

Paul Gledhill Vote score: 3828Paul Gledhill

"Is there any doggy there?"

22/10/22 7:00:13

Ian Skelding Vote score: 35529Ian Skelding

“I’ll go and get him a blanket.”

26/09/22 7:02:00

Gassy Statten Vote score: 393Gassy Statten

I can't see the word for the trees.

21/09/22 11:39:37

Tony S Vote score: 13376Tony S

I've been asked to do one on Monday with a crown.

14/09/22 11:09:10

Sheila  Graham Vote score: 443Sheila Graham

Unfortunately white doves are out of stock. Your order has been substituted.

17/07/22 20:21:09

Stephen Bean Vote score: 54616Stephen Bean

"Will you guys quit hogging the limelight please."

16/07/22 19:00:37

James Lennox Vote score: 27246James Lennox

£50

  "And the winner of the Who can get closest to a helicopter without dying competition is..."

18/06/22 7:00:31

Cheers for the congrats, guys. I think I was lucky to pip Tony's one, so I'm very glad he got a 2nd place prize. A big cheer out to the caption.me contributors who have made this extra prize possible. And, as always, many thanks to Chris for the... --James Lennox
Dave Bryan Vote score: 41244Dave Bryan

''It's not my fault the nest is a shambles. The instructions were in Swedish and three of the twigs were missing.''

16/06/22 19:29:20

Tony Edwards Vote score: 43017Tony Edwards

🎵 Pets get physical, physical 🎵

14/06/22 11:59:44

Let me guess - Olivia Mewton John? --Willie Johnson
James Lennox Vote score: 27246James Lennox

"Come on Darth, you slaughtered the Jedi, blew up a planet, killed your mentor ... I reckon 200 hours of community service is fair."

17/03/22 8:01:22

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