£50
WINNER

lol clever

18/06/19 19:00:13

clever

“I’m sorry for yawning but I find your company really boring”

12/06/19 11:25:47

clever

Filming has begun for the highly anticipated new period drama

05/06/19 7:10:30

clever

Beef Wellingtons

16/09/19 19:00:05

clever

Shopping Maul

08/08/19 19:44:45

clever

Goblet

24/04/19 11:51:55

lol

I met her on match.com

18/05/19 11:00:06

creative

Bucket and Spayed

28/06/19 19:13:37

The Farmer Sutra

10/08/19 9:18:45

lol

“Children that was such a lovely day out at the Lion safari, It’s such a shame daddy had to stay home and fix the leak in the garage roof”

25/01/19 8:01:36

"LET'S MAKE AMERICA GRATE AGAIN"

21/12/18 12:47:04

clever

"Go on then, give us a Twirl"

03/11/19 20:00:07

clever

It’s always good to have a carrier handy when you feel sick

03/10/19 11:00:09

... word used to give an affirmative response.

19/08/19 12:23:20

"I'm a Lesbian, do you have Fanyta?"

06/04/19 19:04:01

clever

auf wiedersehen pet

30/01/19 20:42:33

Tom Tom

11/01/19 12:22:06

"Yes they were expensive but they are very rare"

16/09/19 19:02:57

lol

Oh no, not more Johnson supporters.

10/09/19 19:00:16

lol

“Good evening Tom, how are you?”
“Oh, don’t get me started, I woke up this morning and they were already in a mood, something to do with the sofa being ripped to shreds. Then they ran out of Gourmet Mon Petit, so I had to have Lidl own brand food, then they went to work and turned the TV off, so I’ve been bored all day. They don’t even check the litter tray until Saturday, so I have to do gymnastics to avoid my own poo, it must be nice to have a flushing toilet. Oh, and the dog has terrible wind at the moment. Same again please”

22/08/19 8:00:42

Tinder Surprise

03/07/19 19:00:06

Charlie and the Novichocolate Factory

20/06/19 7:00:07

Disorient Express

16/05/19 19:14:58

lol

"I can read the top five lines ok, then it starts to get fuzzy"

28/02/19 8:00:08

Vladimir Putin’s porn collection was a bit weird

30/10/19 12:00:07

clever

"I'm not parking there again, it cost me an arm and a leg last time"

10/10/19 7:00:09

Police be seated

11/09/19 7:00:15

“FREEZE…FASHION POLICE”

10/09/19 11:00:14

"...and I said, what water pipe?"

29/08/19 7:52:09

lol

The drill sergeant’s voice wasn’t as intimidating after he’d eaten Haribo.

21/08/19 19:00:13

lol

Frustration is clearly evident after captioneers discover the identity of Anon.

28/07/19 20:57:17

Now that's an Urdu

09/07/19 19:36:01

clever

Pride and Prejudice

03/07/19 8:23:20

"For god sake Darren, it's only a spider"

01/06/19 19:01:48

creative

"Dan, will you stop giving the baby Cocaine when he's trying to cook dinner, people will think we are bad parents"

01/04/19 11:13:25

“Does my bumper look big in these?”

15/01/19 12:00:11

Cornivore

15/01/19 8:34:27

"Andy, can you cut me a piece of wood about 2ft long"

12/01/19 12:13:04

"Don't you know who my dad is"

24/12/18 12:00:33

Skid Row

12/10/19 19:27:51

Tom Cruise

29/08/19 11:00:13

The hound of the basketvilles

27/08/19 11:00:07

lol

And then my wife said “go on, take a photo of it” …and that’s how I lost my eye

14/08/19 19:00:15

They also make shampoo

09/08/19 11:44:03

"We really need to get a new lid for the blender"

30/05/19 11:06:44

Just found this picture on Tumblr

08/02/19 12:00:06

♪ A stray in a manger

24/12/18 8:00:08

Homeless in Philadelphia

21/12/18 12:00:08

"...and then I severed six of my fingers. It's my own fault really, I shouldn't have tried to feel her tits"

19/10/19 19:17:23

Meanwhile, backstage on Britain’s Got Talent: The Champions, David Walliams can’t stop laughing after seeing Amanda Holden before hair and makeup.

26/09/19 11:00:24

lol

"and that's it for today's royal news. In other news, James Hewitt's son, Dave, has been arrested for shoplifting in Doncaster..."

27/08/19 7:00:38

lol

The royal family kindly request that you do not feed the pigeons outside Buckingham Palace...

26/08/19 11:04:44

This is such a stereotype. Not all women like good looking guys with great bodies and huge knobs. My wife happens to like men that write captions, although she does go out a lot, in fact she's out now...Oh

20/07/19 20:03:01

clever

Hellfords

16/07/19 11:00:09

Highway

12/07/19 11:09:01

"Please don't Trump when I Putin"

22/06/19 11:00:49

"HANG ON...You don't work here"

22/06/19 7:06:22

Hair to the Throne

04/05/19 19:21:06

"Dave, have you seen Tracy? Hold on a minute...is she under the desk?"

02/05/19 8:38:52

Carlos was well known for being calm and level headed during interviews.

18/04/19 19:00:06

world war 1 vet

18/03/19 8:00:10

"I told you we shouldn't have rented the room to a Hen party"

28/01/19 12:09:38

A Lunar Calypso

28/12/18 20:14:51

Love at first shite

Sat 20:05:26

clever

"Do your zip up Dave, I can see your pecker"

11/10/19 11:00:17

"Brexit? No, that was just funny. It was after I met Trump that I started drinking and smoking"

10/09/19 7:00:58

lol x2

"Alright Dave? Remember me? From the park last Thursday? We got drunk and spent the night dancing...fine, how rude"

02/09/19 7:21:20

creative clever

“This week on rap battles, Cow vs Goose"...

“Hey goose, ready for abuse? Your mum looks like a moose but I’m still gonna seduce her coz I’ve heard she’s loose, had enough yet? here, take a noose” …

“You’re a fat cow, and you should listen now, you better take a bow as I’m raising the steaks in this battle, you look a little rattled, let’s have a little less tittle tattle from these silly cattle”

20/08/19 12:39:55

"Was it good for you? Dave? DAVE?"

10/08/19 11:11:21

Toe and Arrow

11/07/19 7:00:07

You have to have some balls to dress like that.

03/07/19 19:04:12

“I’ll do anything to stop her from talking through Star Wars”

18/06/19 11:35:21

Bed and Breakfast

28/05/19 11:32:10

"Toupee, or not toupee, that is equestrian"

21/05/19 19:18:38

“I knew I should have bought an Epson printer, those bloody Canon’s are always exploding”

25/04/19 11:00:13

"You absolute BASTARD...It was only 1 flea"

05/04/19 10:26:42

Employing pensioners on a food production line is all well and good until one of them tells a joke.

03/04/19 11:28:58

"Ok, you two go after Skywalker and Solo, I'll help Vader on his allotment"

31/03/19 11:00:10

lol

"Pete, do you remember back in 2019 when we were teenagers, we used to sit on this bench with our beers trying to impress the girls"

"Haha yeah those were the days Frank...So what do you think is going to happen about Brexit?"

27/03/19 9:21:04

“You don’t want to cause trouble in there, have you seen the size of the bouncers?”

14/03/19 8:00:14

Baker Street

05/03/19 8:00:06

Great holiday! Next year, the Canary Islands

11/02/19 12:00:06

Universal Studios

21/01/19 8:06:30

The word on the street is...

20/01/19 20:00:07

Contradictdoory

14/01/19 8:00:09

High purr activity

28/12/18 8:00:34

Where's Willy?

17/12/18 20:00:12

Ok. Your first lesson is fingering techniques around the g string

13/12/18 12:00:06

"It could be worse, the last hotel had a golden shower"

Sat 20:56:27

"Come on love, make an effort, I paid fifty quid for this lap dance"

15/10/19 7:00:11

It could be worse, it could be a stool pigeon

03/10/19 11:00:20

Lass Vegas

28/09/19 20:08:43

A rest

11/09/19 7:00:04

“Sir, why did you run away from us?”
“Sorry officer, I was simply following the instructions on the back of your car”

10/09/19 11:03:26

Six days a week I have to put up with their shit. Same routine every day. 6am, take them for a walk. Then find the stick they keep clumsily losing, then have to shit on the floor so they can play that silly game where they pick it up with a bag. It's tedious to say the least. Then I have to pretend all day to be their best friend. My only relief is Saturday night when they go out. Then it's my time. I meditate, watch Britain's got talent, and lick my balls.

06/09/19 19:18:54

lol

"Hi guys, thanks for volunteering to be photographed for caption me, please strip down to your underwear, put on your hats and sit in front of a washing machine. Now before we get started, we know you're all individuals and have your own identities, but for the purpose of this photograph and whilst on this site, you will all now be referred to, as Dave"

26/08/19 11:58:54

clever

So, I was searching online for Bar Stools...

09/08/19 11:40:18

There's no point in censoring his arse, I can still see his helmet

25/07/19 19:00:42

"Where's this bloody Shell garage"

22/07/19 7:02:36

She'd be no good on the catwalk

29/04/19 19:16:32

"Dave I'm having the worst day ever, I'm out of breath through being overweight, I'm pushing our 9 year old in a pushchair because he's a brat and too lazy to walk, and now to top it off, this Shithead Steve appeared in the corner and took a picture and now everyone's taking the piss"

26/03/19 20:18:24

clever

Aunt and Decks

24/03/19 8:08:49

Difffficult to caption one hANded

28/02/19 8:02:34

"I don't understand it guys. According to the map, the Cliff edge hotel should be right here"

05/02/19 8:16:54

After years of living in poverty and with no opportunities, Zoltan took the brave decision to leave behind his family and friends in search for a better life. Following a hazardous journey across the sea in a rubber dinghy, he eventually reached the UK mainland and found work. He hopes one day to return to the Isle of Wight

01/02/19 12:01:21

Fruit of the gloom

24/01/19 20:00:26

clever

Lapland

27/12/18 12:04:13

lol

"It took all day for my wife's thumb to work its way through Felix's digestive system. I've told her time and time again, BE CAREFUL WHEN OPENING THE CAT FOOD, THE TINS ARE BLOODY SHARP"

13/10/19 11:13:42

Oh great, another rubbish photo

12/10/19 11:00:06

"and then I said to the hairdresser, 'I'd like a number two please'. Anyway, she didn’t realise I meant the toilet and shaved my hair off, and I sh*t my pants…Yeah, I’ve had better days"

18/09/19 11:14:54

Embarrassing Biddies

13/09/19 11:00:13

lol

“Thanks for pushing them back in Carl. It’s a bloody nightmare playing football with Haemorrhoids”

04/09/19 19:00:51

Probably the only man in history to have seen more tits than David Attenborough

15/08/19 19:00:31

Army surplus

14/08/19 11:17:56

The Return of the Living Dead

17/07/19 9:25:59

Toys "R" U.S

15/07/19 11:00:10

creative

Sister Sledge

28/05/19 19:00:04

“I can’t believe that you’ve allowed that bitch to come between us on our wedding day”

01/05/19 11:00:17

"Listen, I've had just about enough of your back chat"

23/04/19 7:00:09

Funky Pigeon.com

29/03/19 12:00:08

That must have been one hell of a sh*g

12/02/19 12:15:12

The Knitivity

16/01/19 12:27:38

liquor store

27/12/18 12:00:12

lol

After being booted out of the Labour Party following General Election defeat, Jeremy Corbyn becomes somewhat of a recluse and retires to his happy place where most of his ideas came from.

23/10/19 20:06:18

creative

Copycat

06/10/19 11:00:09

In hindsight, Dave wished he'd picked 'Truth'

05/10/19 8:12:07

"When my wife wears this dress I really wana poker"

28/09/19 19:00:23

"They do this every time we start the barbeque"

25/09/19 19:04:35

"If any of you has a reason why these two should not be married, speak now or forever hold your peace."

"SHE'S BEEN DEAD SINCE LAST TUESDAY"

25/09/19 7:11:10

Photo Chute

19/09/19 7:00:05

"Hiya, do you have a plunger for the toilet?"

16/09/19 7:29:44

Jellied heels

01/09/19 11:00:05

Gaywatch

21/08/19 7:00:05

eBay. 2 x Scooters for sale. 3 bids.

19/08/19 19:00:12

Door Matt

06/08/19 11:40:35

Ok, here goes..."Darling, there are some birds and some bees and then someone takes your flower"
...Phew, thank God that's out of the way

02/07/19 7:35:35

"Hello Mrs Jones? I'm calling to confirm your new life insurance policy that your husband arranged for you yesterday"

18/05/19 7:32:49

"Sorry Sir...... you've failed the test"

14/01/19 20:00:09

The Lion, the Bitch and the Wardrobe

27/12/18 20:00:09

Womb Raider

26/12/18 12:03:54

Trying to stare at tits without being noticed when the woman is on a trampoline is easier said than done

10/11/19 15:18:55

Meanwhile, on the Spice Girls reunion tour…

“Victoria, I’m trying to get changed, will you stop grabbing my tits…”

30/10/19 20:00:38

For f*ck sake, why did they put mustard on my hotdog

20/10/19 19:00:11

“I’m hoping to get pulled tonight…”

19/10/19 19:00:10

“There’s a good kitty…stay calm kitty…pssst, Karen, pass me the crossbow…”

15/10/19 11:00:48

Bringing home the bacon

04/10/19 19:00:07

Republic can

03/10/19 19:06:50

WARNING. Elephants are currently in mating season. Please keep car windows closed at all times whilst on Safari.

26/09/19 7:00:15

"Gary, that bloke just jumped the queue, say something"
"Err don't worry love, we're not in a rush"

16/09/19 7:02:22

Away from the chaos of Westminster, Theresa May was invigorated and had taken up flashing dog walkers as a hobby.

05/09/19 7:00:23

Recommended on tripadvisor

28/08/19 19:00:07

Have your cake and eat tit

18/08/19 8:05:50

creative x2

It took 1 hour, 37 minutes and 13 seconds for Larry the undercover Policeman to deploy his bionic extendable arm. Thankfully, the shoplifter was in the middle of performing the ‘Slow motion orgasm dance’ which took just as long.

14/08/19 11:06:40

"I'd like to return this please. It won't stop screeching and obviously has a screw loose"

05/08/19 9:30:06

"And people said we'd make bad parents"

23/07/19 7:23:11

"Ok, I admit it. When my wife said she was going through the change, I didn't expect the Menopause to be so dramatic"

03/07/19 19:33:20

Aw, they’re sweet at this age. It’s when they become teenagers that they start to go off the rails.

12/06/19 19:00:12

creative clever

“We call this model the ‘David Camera-on’. It’s the market leading ‘stuck up tw*t device' which sits comfortably whilst a bloody nightmare unfolds around it.”

05/06/19 10:07:01

“You’ve had a son, Pat”

29/05/19 11:00:04

New wave music

26/05/19 19:09:40

UKIP Headquarters

02/05/19 7:00:22

Uncle Albat

01/05/19 19:00:08

"So, how long have you been a boring piece of modern art?"
"Erm, it must be about 2 years now. You?"
"Yeah same"

27/04/19 7:28:56

Baywatch vows to carry on with a new series despite suffering severe budget cuts

26/04/19 7:02:23

“Now I know that some people don’t understand Modern Art but for us intellectual pretentious types we have a rare treat to show you today. I present ‘The lonely yellow balloon on a blue wall’ by a man with 16 white balloons. Questions?”

11/04/19 11:30:36

Seoul searching

07/04/19 8:55:09

lol

Oh come on Ladies. How are us real men ever going to compete with Ann Summers

06/04/19 12:02:11

lol

"Steve, are you ready to get down the local for the 'who has got a head most like an orange' night?"
"Two minutes babe, just having a shave"

19/03/19 8:30:06

"I'd love to be a fly on the wall... Second thoughts, maybe not with the SWAT team around"

24/01/19 9:09:37

I love riding my bike on the beech

23/01/19 12:00:06

Regret having the last supper

22/01/19 8:04:56

lol

I said to my wife "do you fancy a Kit Kat Chunkie"? She hasn't spoken to me since

24/12/18 20:01:17

"Babe, I'm getting sick of this sibling rivalry between you and your sister. She buys designer kids clothes, we have to, she decorates the nursey, we have to, she buys a BMW pram, we have to. It has to stop darling, we don’t have any kids”

13/11/19 10:31:07

YAWN...I'm knackered. Only twenty three hours sleep for me today. She turned on the light at six this morning, selfish bastard. And it's freezing outside so I thought, sod using the cat flap and just had a poo in her slippers. In fact, I can't even be bothered to lick my arse to clean it, I'll just use her pillow again...Silly bugger thinks it's fake tan.

06/11/19 20:41:47

Scarbucks

01/11/19 12:00:16

Drag Queen

22/10/19 7:00:09

Stewed Rabbit

21/10/19 11:07:08

"Oh my God...she's soooo cute!"
"Cheers Julie, you haven't seen her twin sister have you? She was sat on your chair a minute ago"

18/10/19 7:37:55

“Cheers mate, I’ve been trying to pop that spot for ages”

16/10/19 19:00:35

My eyes light up when I see chips too

15/10/19 11:00:19

“Hi Honey, I’m home. Guess what, I won a prize at the fair! It was a f*cking nightmare getting it home on the bus though”

10/10/19 11:00:37

New, from Corgi…

02/10/19 19:00:05

Oh no, not more knobs...thought Larry at Downing Street

02/10/19 11:32:32

Poultree

25/09/19 19:00:04

"It's a cover up, my Michael Jackson tattoo was scaring the sh*t out of people"

17/09/19 19:09:13

“Stare all you want love, his arse is mine”

11/09/19 11:00:54

Blue t-shirt, with a dog, wearing sunglasses and outside Cartier. Oh my god he looked so much better on his profile picture. How do I get out of it…Think, Kate, THINK!...

“Hi Dave? It’s Kate. I’m really sorry it’s last minute but I won’t be able to make it today. Weirdly I slipped on a lemon meringue pie in my garage and severed my toes on the third rung of an old rusty ladder, leaving me incapacitated and requiring a tetanus jab. Additionally, as I hit the floor, my neighbour pulled in his Land Rover and ran me over, so I don’t think I’ll be able to meet anytime soon. I’m really sorry”

“Kate don’t worry. I thought you were ugly anyway”

03/09/19 11:01:55

“I was bullied at school. Not because of the dummy, because I’m ginger”

30/08/19 11:00:20

♪He was a skater boy, she said cereal later boy♪

17/08/19 19:16:15

creative

"Is that Captain Schettino? Who's in charge of the Costa Concordia?"

13/08/19 11:52:09

"Steve, that bloody hamster is picking on Tiddles again"

08/08/19 11:06:54

"Hi Steve, are you enjoying the Kiss concert?"
"Not really, everyone here looks awesome except me. I can't believe you made me wear a pink T-Shirt and blue shorts"

01/08/19 19:20:17

Deliverude

25/07/19 19:00:31

The things you do when you're younger to get a woman to sit on your face

20/07/19 7:37:56

Fruit & Nut

15/07/19 19:00:05

“I wish the Zoo would just tell the visitors that the Bears died last month, I’m f*cking boiling in this suit”

13/07/19 11:01:26

This is a pitcher of me at Cannes

06/07/19 7:00:09

"It has just been refurbished, they completely gutted it"

23/06/19 11:14:17

"...and that's how Lambrini is made"

20/06/19 7:00:16

Hot Rod

15/06/19 11:00:27