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Forum Posts	1						11

The Wolf

signed up: 1 year, 7 months ago
profile viewed: 6 time(s) this week
caption quota: 40
votes given since joining: 2,965
super vote quota: 6

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captions

£50
WINNER

No wonder my Nan’s in a wheelchair

18/06/19 20:00:13

Wow! I can't believe I've won, such a nice surprise! Thank you very much for the votes and kind words. Also thanks to Chris for picking the caption but most importantly for giving us the site! It's a privilege to be on the board and a pleasure ... --The Wolf

£50
WINNER

You think your job is depressing? You wanna try working in the Snowman morgue.

11/03/20 8:00:13

Thank you very much for your votes and kind words. There were some great captions this month so feel very fortunate to win the top prize. I've always found Caption.me a great and fun distraction from the otherwise stressful day to day of life. Th... --The Wolf

Lucy went to extreme lengths to protect herself from the Coronavirus. Unfortunately, she'd forgotten that opening an umbrella indoors was unlucky and she was run over by a bus on the way home.

28/03/20 20:10:40

“I’m sorry for yawning but I find your company really boring”

12/06/19 12:25:47

Filming has begun for the highly anticipated new period drama

05/06/19 8:10:30

“So, I’m just chilling in the garden, minding my own business and having a bit of a snooze, and then it happened. F*cking lawnmower. I know he’s bored but the quicker that bastard goes back to work the better”

03/04/20 12:00:39

Being a first responder to a car accident on the Simpsons was a sobering experience…

02/04/20 12:00:09

Looks like he's covered in Marge. --Karyn Harrison

01/12/19 20:00:06

Beef Wellingtons

16/09/19 20:00:05

08/08/19 20:44:45

24/04/19 12:51:55

I met her on match.com

18/05/19 12:00:06

She lit up my life. --James Lennox

Bucket and Spayed

28/06/19 20:13:37

Let's hope they don't start making advent calendars...

04/04/20 20:03:05

Dear Mr Rockwell. We have received your stool sample and we think it would be a good idea for you to pop into the surgery to have a quick chat.

01/04/20 20:01:20

Pissed in the bath? Don't worry, we all have...

17/02/20 21:25:05

I haven't pissed in her bath, not wanting to be the odd one out, what's her address? --John Glover

The frog version of Basic Instinct was a little weird.

17/02/20 12:03:52

The Farmer Sutra

10/08/19 10:18:45

“Children that was such a lovely day out at the Lion safari, It’s such a shame daddy had to stay home and fix the leak in the garage roof”

25/01/19 8:01:36

"LET'S MAKE AMERICA GRATE AGAIN"

21/12/18 12:47:04

People are absolutely terrified of my dog. I don't know why. I mean just look at this cute picture of him, chasing an old basketball...

03/04/20 20:00:25

Lots of time at home, unlimited porn and no toilet roll. What could possibly go wrong...

30/03/20 20:00:10

"Good evening Prince Andrew. Your usual?"

22/12/19 12:02:15

"Go on then, give us a Twirl"

03/11/19 20:00:07

It’s always good to have a carrier handy when you feel sick

03/10/19 12:00:09

... word used to give an affirmative response.

19/08/19 13:23:20

"I'm a Lesbian, do you have Fanyta?"

06/04/19 20:04:01

auf wiedersehen pet

30/01/19 20:42:33

11/01/19 12:22:06

"Oh no, not another f*cking Rolling Stones tour"

26/04/20 12:12:52

The Strolling Bones.. --stone face

"All I said was 'perhaps a nod to 08.00.03?'"

14/02/20 12:04:17

It's because it should have been 08.00.04 --Willie Johnson

Soldiers have been dispatched to wipe out an Alien invasion

24/11/19 12:05:28

"Yes they were expensive but they are very rare"

16/09/19 20:02:57

Oh no, not more Johnson supporters.

10/09/19 20:00:16

One is all I need. --Willie Johnson

“Good evening Tom, how are you?”
“Oh, don’t get me started, I woke up this morning and they were already in a mood, something to do with the sofa being ripped to shreds. Then they ran out of Gourmet Mon Petit, so I had to have Lidl own brand food, then they went to work and turned the TV off, so I’ve been bored all day. They don’t even check the litter tray until Saturday, so I have to do gymnastics to avoid my own poo, it must be nice to have a flushing toilet. Oh, and the dog has terrible wind at the moment. Same again please”

22/08/19 9:00:42

Can't stop laughing at this! --Karyn Harrison

Tinder Surprise

03/07/19 20:00:06

Charlie and the Novichocolate Factory

20/06/19 8:00:07

Disorient Express

16/05/19 20:14:58

"I can read the top five lines ok, then it starts to get fuzzy"

28/02/19 8:00:08

23/03/20 20:00:08

♫ Ground Control to Major Tom ♫

10/03/20 12:00:09

Wake up Stoneface, It's caption time...

07/03/20 20:11:39

Sorry I was out celebrating Liverpool's win... --stone face

"That's the last time I argue with the Germans over the sunbeds..."

07/12/19 9:48:49

Vladimir Putin’s porn collection was a bit weird

30/10/19 12:00:07

"I'm not parking there again, it cost me an arm and a leg last time"

10/10/19 8:00:09

Police be seated

11/09/19 8:00:15

“FREEZE…FASHION POLICE”

10/09/19 12:00:14

"...and I said, what water pipe?"

29/08/19 8:52:09

The drill sergeant’s voice wasn’t as intimidating after he’d eaten Haribo.

21/08/19 20:00:13

Frustration is clearly evident after captioneers discover the identity of Anon.

28/07/19 21:57:17

Now that's an Urdu

09/07/19 20:36:01

Pride and Prejudice

03/07/19 9:23:20

"For god sake Darren, it's only a spider"

01/06/19 20:01:48

"Dan, will you stop giving the baby Cocaine when he's trying to cook dinner, people will think we are bad parents"

01/04/19 12:13:25

“Does my bumper look big in these?”

15/01/19 12:00:11

15/01/19 8:34:27

"Andy, can you cut me a piece of wood about 2ft long"

12/01/19 12:13:04

"Don't you know who my dad is"

24/12/18 12:00:33

He obviously has a screw loose.

18/05/20 8:00:06

There's nothing better than sneaking up on a slow flying Seagull and stealing its ice cream...

12/03/20 8:00:38

This is a picture of my late Grandad. I remember his last words..."F*ck me, a bus..."

09/01/20 13:15:42

12/10/19 20:27:51

29/08/19 12:00:13

I feel the need for Friskees. --Scrijjy Doo

The hound of the basketvilles

27/08/19 12:00:07

And then my wife said “go on, take a photo of it” …and that’s how I lost my eye

14/08/19 20:00:15

They also make shampoo

09/08/19 12:44:03

"We really need to get a new lid for the blender"

30/05/19 12:06:44

Just found this picture on Tumblr

08/02/19 12:00:06

♪ A stray in a manger

24/12/18 8:00:08

Homeless in Philadelphia

21/12/18 12:00:08

13/05/20 12:00:06

I bet he didn't Nintendo get that name. --Willie Johnson

Don't laugh, he's got a gun...Don't laugh, he's got a gun...Don't laugh, he's got a gun...

25/04/20 12:00:20

It has been proven that you can cut a guards head off and no one will shoot you. --Neil Mackenzie

“I told you not to fall asleep whilst babysitting…”

30/03/20 12:00:09

Meanwhile, on the planet Octagon, the Brollyheads were tucking into Sunday dinner....

28/03/20 20:05:24

It's annoying when you've got a cold and run out of tissues...

28/02/20 12:12:22

It's always wise to carry a baby wipe. --Karyn Harrison

The Disney sequel to 'A Bug's Life' was a bit depressing...

23/02/20 20:06:41

*beep beep*

Laura, I know you're lying about going to 'coffee mornings' with the girls. Someone's taken your photo and you're currently the 8am photo on caption.me and my so called 'friendly colleagues' are taking the piss out of you. When you get home we seriously need to talk. Ps...keep the outfit.

17/02/20 8:56:11

"I told you it was a bad idea to sell pens in the Louvre gift shop..."

13/01/20 8:07:08

More damaging photos released of Justin Trudeau...

12/12/19 8:31:36

"It's a nightmare keeping on top of the bloody washing"

23/11/19 14:02:04

"...and then I severed six of my fingers. It's my own fault really, I shouldn't have tried to feel her tits"

19/10/19 20:17:23

A clear-cut case of sexual assault. Caught red-handed! --Karyn Harrison

Meanwhile, backstage on Britain’s Got Talent: The Champions, David Walliams can’t stop laughing after seeing Amanda Holden before hair and makeup.

26/09/19 12:00:24

"and that's it for today's royal news. In other news, James Hewitt's son, Dave, has been arrested for shoplifting in Doncaster..."

27/08/19 8:00:38

The royal family kindly request that you do not feed the pigeons outside Buckingham Palace...

26/08/19 12:04:44

This is such a stereotype. Not all women like good looking guys with great bodies and huge knobs. My wife happens to like men that write captions, although she does go out a lot, in fact she's out now...Oh

20/07/19 21:03:01

16/07/19 12:00:09

12/07/19 12:09:01

"Please don't Trump when I Putin"

22/06/19 12:00:49

"HANG ON...You don't work here"

22/06/19 8:06:22

Hair to the Throne

04/05/19 20:21:06

"Dave, have you seen Tracy? Hold on a minute...is she under the desk?"

02/05/19 9:38:52

Carlos was well known for being calm and level headed during interviews.

18/04/19 20:00:06

world war 1 vet

18/03/19 8:00:10

"I told you we shouldn't have rented the room to a Hen party"

28/01/19 12:09:38

You're right Steve (no pun intended), except most things inside quotation marks have immunity from grammar crimes. --James Lennox

A Lunar Calypso

28/12/18 20:14:51

The invisible man is finally arrested.

12/05/20 12:00:06

"Move away please lads, there's been a gas leak"

22/04/20 20:01:40

09/03/20 8:00:04

09/02/20 13:01:32

I had to put him down in the end.

01/02/20 14:55:11

“Oh no, not another Scuba Diver. How the hell does he get them through the cat flap…”

07/01/20 20:00:21

Love at first shite

16/11/19 20:05:26

"Do your zip up Dave, I can see your pecker"

11/10/19 12:00:17

"Brexit? No, that was just funny. It was after I met Trump that I started drinking and smoking"

10/09/19 8:00:58

"Alright Dave? Remember me? From the park last Thursday? We got drunk and spent the night dancing...fine, how rude"

02/09/19 8:21:20

“This week on rap battles, Cow vs Goose"...

“Hey goose, ready for abuse? Your mum looks like a moose but I’m still gonna seduce her coz I’ve heard she’s loose, had enough yet? here, take a noose” …

“You’re a fat cow, and you should listen now, you better take a bow as I’m raising the steaks in this battle, you look a little rattled, let’s have a little less tittle tattle from these silly cattle”

20/08/19 13:39:55

"Was it good for you? Dave? DAVE?"

10/08/19 12:11:21

I lie awake at night worrying about Dave. It's just been one bum deal after another! --Karyn Harrison

11/07/19 8:00:07

You have to have some balls to dress like that.

03/07/19 20:04:12

“I’ll do anything to stop her from talking through Star Wars”

18/06/19 12:35:21

Bed and Breakfast

28/05/19 12:32:10

"Toupee, or not toupee, that is equestrian"

21/05/19 20:18:38

“I knew I should have bought an Epson printer, those bloody Canon’s are always exploding”

25/04/19 12:00:13

"You absolute BASTARD...It was only 1 flea"

05/04/19 11:26:42

Employing pensioners on a food production line is all well and good until one of them tells a joke.

03/04/19 12:28:58

"Ok, you two go after Skywalker and Solo, I'll help Vader on his allotment"

31/03/19 12:00:10

"Pete, do you remember back in 2019 when we were teenagers, we used to sit on this bench with our beers trying to impress the girls"

"Haha yeah those were the days Frank...So what do you think is going to happen about Brexit?"

27/03/19 9:21:04

“You don’t want to cause trouble in there, have you seen the size of the bouncers?”

14/03/19 8:00:14

05/03/19 8:00:06

Great holiday! Next year, the Canary Islands

11/02/19 12:00:06

Universal Studios

21/01/19 8:06:30

The word on the street is...

20/01/19 20:00:07

Contradictdoory

14/01/19 8:00:09

High purr activity

28/12/18 8:00:34

17/12/18 20:00:12

Ok. Your first lesson is fingering techniques around the g string

13/12/18 12:00:06

My mourning shower

27/03/20 12:19:17

28/02/20 8:37:52

"I'm not in the mood for practical jokes Dave, my Nan's just died"

27/01/20 12:13:17

"COULD PEDALO NUMBER FIVE RETURN TO THE BEACH PLEASE...Bloody thrill seekers"

18/01/20 13:25:59

"The bloody dentist wanted to charge a fortune. I ended up using super glue and a box of tic-tacs"

06/12/19 15:06:43

“Well, they definitely looked different without makeup, but it was still great to get a photo with the Spice Girls”

19/11/19 20:00:25

"It could be worse, the last hotel had a golden shower"

16/11/19 20:56:27

"Come on love, make an effort, I paid fifty quid for this lap dance"

15/10/19 8:00:11

It could be worse, it could be a stool pigeon

03/10/19 12:00:20

28/09/19 21:08:43

11/09/19 8:00:04

“Sir, why did you run away from us?”
“Sorry officer, I was simply following the instructions on the back of your car”

10/09/19 12:03:26

Six days a week I have to put up with their shit. Same routine every day. 6am, take them for a walk. Then find the stick they keep clumsily losing, then have to shit on the floor so they can play that silly game where they pick it up with a bag. It's tedious to say the least. Then I have to pretend all day to be their best friend. My only relief is Saturday night when they go out. Then it's my time. I meditate, watch Britain's got talent, and lick my balls.

06/09/19 20:18:54

"Hi guys, thanks for volunteering to be photographed for caption me, please strip down to your underwear, put on your hats and sit in front of a washing machine. Now before we get started, we know you're all individuals and have your own identities, but for the purpose of this photograph and whilst on this site, you will all now be referred to, as Dave"

26/08/19 12:58:54

Nice one Dave. --John Glover

So, I was searching online for Bar Stools...

09/08/19 12:40:18

There's no point in censoring his arse, I can still see his helmet

25/07/19 20:00:42

"Where's this bloody Shell garage"

22/07/19 8:02:36

She'd be no good on the catwalk

29/04/19 20:16:32

"Dave I'm having the worst day ever, I'm out of breath through being overweight, I'm pushing our 9 year old in a pushchair because he's a brat and too lazy to walk, and now to top it off, this Shithead Steve appeared in the corner and took a picture and now everyone's taking the piss"

26/03/19 20:18:24

24/03/19 8:08:49

Difffficult to caption one hANded

28/02/19 8:02:34

"I don't understand it guys. According to the map, the Cliff edge hotel should be right here"

05/02/19 8:16:54

After years of living in poverty and with no opportunities, Zoltan took the brave decision to leave behind his family and friends in search for a better life. Following a hazardous journey across the sea in a rubber dinghy, he eventually reached the UK mainland and found work. He hopes one day to return to the Isle of Wight

01/02/19 12:01:21

Fruit of the gloom

24/01/19 20:00:26

27/12/18 12:04:13

10/05/20 12:06:47

Is it how many women Russell Brand shags on an average UK tour?

19/04/20 20:00:41

I think the halves represent the ones he only got to second base with. --Karyn Harrison

"Darling, if the cupboards are full, stop f*cking buying them"

30/03/20 9:00:45

"Now is as good as time as any I suppose...Kate, you were adopted.."

06/03/20 12:38:30

"Kate, will you stop staring at the bulge and just face forward..."

02/03/20 20:00:09

"Excuse me madam, do you have the time on you?"

26/01/20 14:17:33

"Yeah, you can have it for free, no sweat"

05/12/19 12:06:56

"It took all day for my wife's thumb to work its way through Felix's digestive system. I've told her time and time again, BE CAREFUL WHEN OPENING THE CAT FOOD, THE TINS ARE BLOODY SHARP"

13/10/19 12:13:42

This is so surreal! --Karyn Harrison

Oh great, another rubbish photo

12/10/19 12:00:06

"and then I said to the hairdresser, 'I'd like a number two please'. Anyway, she didn’t realise I meant the toilet and shaved my hair off, and I sh*t my pants…Yeah, I’ve had better days"

18/09/19 12:14:54

Embarrassing Biddies

13/09/19 12:00:13

“Thanks for pushing them back in Carl. It’s a bloody nightmare playing football with Haemorrhoids”

04/09/19 20:00:51

Probably the only man in history to have seen more tits than David Attenborough

15/08/19 20:00:31

14/08/19 12:17:56

The Return of the Living Dead

17/07/19 10:25:59

15/07/19 12:00:10

28/05/19 20:00:04

Quite apt that there are three of them --Mr Dome

“I can’t believe that you’ve allowed that bitch to come between us on our wedding day”

01/05/19 12:00:17

"Listen, I've had just about enough of your back chat"

23/04/19 8:00:09

Funky Pigeon.com

29/03/19 12:00:08

And it's annoyingly at the back of my brain too - if I could, I would *downvote* it for that! :-( --Molly R

That must have been one hell of a sh*g

12/02/19 12:15:12

16/01/19 12:27:38

27/12/18 12:00:12

Most of their business is word of mouth. --Scrappy Doo

You can't beat having a barbie in this weather, but it's annoying when you get bits stuck in your teeth.

25/04/20 8:06:20

"BE QUIET KIDS, DADDY IS TRYING TO WORK...Hello, welcome to Childline, how can I help?"

31/03/20 12:26:48

*Not suitable for use in Scotland*

08/03/20 20:00:09

Looking back at family photos, we should've known he'd end up being a serial killer. I mean come on, moustache and glasses?

08/03/20 8:00:13

The pleated sleeves is enough for a search warrant. --Scrijjy Doo

"Well I would say 'I'm freezing my balls off', but you've already had them chopped off...YOU BASTARD"

24/02/20 20:34:29

"For god sake Sally. I'm not looking at weird porn on the internet. The guy dressed as a maid is a photo on a caption site. I'm just trying to think of something funny"

"Yeah? Then why are you naked?"

22/02/20 20:25:15

“Susan, can you pass me my glasses please? And don’t buy those yoghurts, the free sample was bloody horrible”

27/01/20 20:00:39

“Why are there small hairs in it?”

27/01/20 20:00:10

“A tenner for a bowl of Pedigree Chum? Bloody London. You can tell this place is popular with the Corgis”

08/01/20 20:00:35

The lengths some people go to in order to appreciate their own farts...

19/12/19 20:00:50

"Maybe this wasn't the best place to play Twister..."

15/12/19 20:01:49

“…and then I kissed it to find a Prince. It was a f*cking hideous, dirty and horrible slimy thing. Why did I have to get Prince Andrew?”

20/11/19 20:00:21

After being booted out of the Labour Party following General Election defeat, Jeremy Corbyn becomes somewhat of a recluse and retires to his happy place where most of his ideas came from.

23/10/19 21:06:18

06/10/19 12:00:09

In hindsight, Dave wished he'd picked 'Truth'

05/10/19 9:12:07

"When my wife wears this dress I really wana poker"

28/09/19 20:00:23

Snap! --Mr Dome

"They do this every time we start the barbeque"

25/09/19 20:04:35

"If any of you has a reason why these two should not be married, speak now or forever hold your peace."

"SHE'S BEEN DEAD SINCE LAST TUESDAY"

25/09/19 8:11:10

19/09/19 8:00:05

"Hiya, do you have a plunger for the toilet?"

16/09/19 8:29:44

01/09/19 12:00:05

21/08/19 8:00:05

eBay. 2 x Scooters for sale. 3 bids.

19/08/19 20:00:12

06/08/19 12:40:35

Ok, here goes..."Darling, there are some birds and some bees and then someone takes your flower"
...Phew, thank God that's out of the way

02/07/19 8:35:35

Yeah , you think that's bad ...try explaining the offside rule. --stone face

"Hello Mrs Jones? I'm calling to confirm your new life insurance policy that your husband arranged for you yesterday"

18/05/19 8:32:49

last comments (total: 266)

I think it represents a threesome. 1 over 2

19/04/20
8:26pm

comment on caption:
Is it how many women Russell Brand shags on an average UK tour? [The Wolf]

When she didn't stop, they didn't know if she was ignoring them or didn't hear them.

23/04/20
9:09am

comment on caption:
"FREEZE BITCH. NOW GET ON THE FLOOR OR WE'LL SHOOT"

Police accused of being overzealous after targeting shoppers using the 'Priority hour for the deaf'... [The Wolf]

It has been proven that you can cut a guards head off and no one will shoot you.

25/04/20
4:51pm

comment on caption:
Don't laugh, he's got a gun...Don't laugh, he's got a gun...Don't laugh, he's got a gun... [The Wolf]

The Strolling Bones..

26/04/20
4:08pm

comment on caption:
"Oh no, not another f*cking Rolling Stones tour" [The Wolf]

Been there got the 'T' shirt!

28/04/20
12:55pm

comment on caption:
It's not easy being married to someone with IBS... [The Wolf]

Is it because of what I did at last year's Christmas party?

29/04/20
1:09am

comment on caption:
"I told you we shouldn't have invited James Lennox over for Christmas" [The Wolf]

Yes, ages ago. Why don't we do some of the Morrison dancin'? - Hey anony anony? smilie face

10/05/20
8:10pm

comment on caption:
Captioneers finally catch up with Anon [The Wolf]

I bet he didn't Nintendo get that name.

13/05/20
4:45pm

comment on caption:
Game boy [The Wolf]

I always wondered what became of poor old Blacky White.

17/05/20
2:16pm

comment on caption:
Goodnight Mister Tom [The Wolf]

Quick grab it son...the shops sold out again!

19/05/20
3:00pm

comment on caption:
"MUM, HELP...I CAN SEE A BAR OF SOAP..." [The Wolf]