£50
WINNER

lol clever

18/06/19 20:00:13

clever

“I’m sorry for yawning but I find your company really boring”

12/06/19 12:25:47

clever

Filming has begun for the highly anticipated new period drama

05/06/19 8:10:30

clever

Shopping Maul

08/08/19 20:44:45

clever

Goblet

24/04/19 12:51:55

lol

I met her on match.com

18/05/19 12:00:06

creative

Bucket and Spayed

28/06/19 20:13:37

The Farmer Sutra

10/08/19 10:18:45

lol

“Children that was such a lovely day out at the Lion safari, It’s such a shame daddy had to stay home and fix the leak in the garage roof”

25/01/19 8:01:36

"LET'S MAKE AMERICA GRATE AGAIN"

21/12/18 12:47:04

... word used to give an affirmative response.

19/08/19 13:23:20

"I'm a Lesbian, do you have Fanyta?"

06/04/19 20:04:01

clever

auf wiedersehen pet

30/01/19 20:42:33

Tom Tom

11/01/19 12:22:06

lol

Oh no, not more Johnson supporters.

10/09/19 20:00:16

lol

“Good evening Tom, how are you?”
“Oh, don’t get me started, I woke up this morning and they were already in a mood, something to do with the sofa being ripped to shreds. Then they ran out of Gourmet Mon Petit, so I had to have Lidl own brand food, then they went to work and turned the TV off, so I’ve been bored all day. They don’t even check the litter tray until Saturday, so I have to do gymnastics to avoid my own poo, it must be nice to have a flushing toilet. Oh, and the dog has terrible wind at the moment. Same again please”

22/08/19 9:00:42

Tinder Surprise

03/07/19 20:00:06

Charlie and the Novichocolate Factory

20/06/19 8:00:07

Disorient Express

16/05/19 20:14:58

lol

"I can read the top five lines ok, then it starts to get fuzzy"

28/02/19 8:00:08

Police be seated

Wed 8:00:15

“FREEZE…FASHION POLICE”

10/09/19 12:00:14

"...and I said, what water pipe?"

29/08/19 8:52:09

lol

The drill sergeant’s voice wasn’t as intimidating after he’d eaten Haribo.

21/08/19 20:00:13

lol

Frustration is clearly evident after captioneers discover the identity of Anon.

28/07/19 21:57:17

Now that's an Urdu

09/07/19 20:36:01

clever

Pride and Prejudice

03/07/19 9:23:20

"For god sake Darren, it's only a spider"

01/06/19 20:01:48

creative

"Dan, will you stop giving the baby Cocaine when he's trying to cook dinner, people will think we are bad parents"

01/04/19 12:13:25

“Does my bumper look big in these?”

15/01/19 12:00:11

Cornivore

15/01/19 8:34:27

"Andy, can you cut me a piece of wood about 2ft long"

12/01/19 12:13:04

"Don't you know who my dad is"

24/12/18 12:00:33

Tom Cruise

29/08/19 12:00:13

The hound of the basketvilles

27/08/19 12:00:07

lol

And then my wife said “go on, take a photo of it” …and that’s how I lost my eye

14/08/19 20:00:15

They also make shampoo

09/08/19 12:44:03

"We really need to get a new lid for the blender"

30/05/19 12:06:44

Just found this picture on Tumblr

08/02/19 12:00:06

♪ A stray in a manger

24/12/18 8:00:08

Homeless in Philadelphia

21/12/18 12:00:08

lol

"and that's it for today's royal news. In other news, James Hewitt's son, Dave, has been arrested for shoplifting in Doncaster..."

27/08/19 8:00:38

lol

The royal family kindly request that you do not feed the pigeons outside Buckingham Palace...

26/08/19 12:04:44

This is such a stereotype. Not all women like good looking guys with great bodies and huge knobs. My wife happens to like men that write captions, although she does go out a lot, in fact she's out now...Oh

20/07/19 21:03:01

clever

Hellfords

16/07/19 12:00:09

Highway

12/07/19 12:09:01

"Please don't Trump when I Putin"

22/06/19 12:00:49

"HANG ON...You don't work here"

22/06/19 8:06:22

Hair to the Throne

04/05/19 20:21:06

"Dave, have you seen Tracy? Hold on a minute...is she under the desk?"

02/05/19 9:38:52

Carlos was well known for being calm and level headed during interviews.

18/04/19 20:00:06

world war 1 vet

18/03/19 8:00:10

"I told you we shouldn't have rented the room to a Hen party"

28/01/19 12:09:38

A Lunar Calypso

28/12/18 20:14:51

"Brexit? No, that was just funny. It was after I met Trump that I started drinking and smoking"

10/09/19 8:00:58

lol x2

"Alright Dave? Remember me? From the park last Thursday? We got drunk and spent the night dancing...fine, how rude"

02/09/19 8:21:20

creative clever

“This week on rap battles, Cow vs Goose"...

“Hey goose, ready for abuse? Your mum looks like a moose but I’m still gonna seduce her coz I’ve heard she’s loose, had enough yet? here, take a noose” …

“You’re a fat cow, and you should listen now, you better take a bow as I’m raising the steaks in this battle, you look a little rattled, let’s have a little less tittle tattle from these silly cattle”

20/08/19 13:39:55

"Was it good for you? Dave? DAVE?"

10/08/19 12:11:21

Toe and Arrow

11/07/19 8:00:07

You have to have some balls to dress like that.

03/07/19 20:04:12

“I’ll do anything to stop her from talking through Star Wars”

18/06/19 12:35:21

Bed and Breakfast

28/05/19 12:32:10

"Toupee, or not toupee, that is equestrian"

21/05/19 20:18:38

“I knew I should have bought an Epson printer, those bloody Canon’s are always exploding”

25/04/19 12:00:13

"You absolute BASTARD...It was only 1 flea"

05/04/19 11:26:42

Employing pensioners on a food production line is all well and good until one of them tells a joke.

03/04/19 12:28:58

"Ok, you two go after Skywalker and Solo, I'll help Vader on his allotment"

31/03/19 12:00:10

lol

"Pete, do you remember back in 2019 when we were teenagers, we used to sit on this bench with our beers trying to impress the girls"

"Haha yeah those were the days Frank...So what do you think is going to happen about Brexit?"

27/03/19 9:21:04

“You don’t want to cause trouble in there, have you seen the size of the bouncers?”

14/03/19 8:00:14

Baker Street

05/03/19 8:00:06

Great holiday! Next year, the Canary Islands

11/02/19 12:00:06

Universal Studios

21/01/19 8:06:30

The word on the street is...

20/01/19 20:00:07

Contradictdoory

14/01/19 8:00:09

High purr activity

28/12/18 8:00:34

Where's Willy?

17/12/18 20:00:12

Ok. Your first lesson is fingering techniques around the g string

13/12/18 12:00:06

A rest

Wed 8:00:04

“Sir, why did you run away from us?”
“Sorry officer, I was simply following the instructions on the back of your car”

10/09/19 12:03:26

Six days a week I have to put up with their shit. Same routine every day. 6am, take them for a walk. Then find the stick they keep clumsily losing, then have to shit on the floor so they can play that silly game where they pick it up with a bag. It's tedious to say the least. Then I have to pretend all day to be their best friend. My only relief is Saturday night when they go out. Then it's my time. I meditate, watch Britain's got talent, and lick my balls.

06/09/19 20:18:54

lol

"Hi guys, thanks for volunteering to be photographed for caption me, please strip down to your underwear, put on your hats and sit in front of a washing machine. Now before we get started, we know you're all individuals and have your own identities, but for the purpose of this photograph and whilst on this site, you will all now be referred to, as Dave"

26/08/19 12:58:54

clever

So, I was searching online for Bar Stools...

09/08/19 12:40:18

There's no point in censoring his arse, I can still see his helmet

25/07/19 20:00:42

"Where's this bloody Shell garage"

22/07/19 8:02:36

She'd be no good on the catwalk

29/04/19 20:16:32

"Dave I'm having the worst day ever, I'm out of breath through being overweight, I'm pushing our 9 year old in a pushchair because he's a brat and too lazy to walk, and now to top it off, this Shithead Steve appeared in the corner and took a picture and now everyone's taking the piss"

26/03/19 20:18:24

clever

Aunt and Decks

24/03/19 8:08:49

Difffficult to caption one hANded

28/02/19 8:02:34

"I don't understand it guys. According to the map, the Cliff edge hotel should be right here"

05/02/19 8:16:54

After years of living in poverty and with no opportunities, Zoltan took the brave decision to leave behind his family and friends in search for a better life. Following a hazardous journey across the sea in a rubber dinghy, he eventually reached the UK mainland and found work. He hopes one day to return to the Isle of Wight

01/02/19 12:01:21

Fruit of the gloom

24/01/19 20:00:26

clever

Lapland

27/12/18 12:04:13

Embarrassing Biddies

Fri 12:00:13

lol

“Thanks for pushing them back in Carl. It’s a bloody nightmare playing football with Haemorrhoids”

04/09/19 20:00:51

Probably the only man in history to have seen more tits than David Attenborough

15/08/19 20:00:31

Army surplus

14/08/19 12:17:56

The Return of the Living Dead

17/07/19 10:25:59

Toys "R" U.S

15/07/19 12:00:10

creative

Sister Sledge

28/05/19 20:00:04

“I can’t believe that you’ve allowed that bitch to come between us on our wedding day”

01/05/19 12:00:17

"Listen, I've had just about enough of your back chat"

23/04/19 8:00:09

Funky Pigeon.com

29/03/19 12:00:08

That must have been one hell of a sh*g

12/02/19 12:15:12

The Knitivity

16/01/19 12:27:38

liquor store

27/12/18 12:00:12

Jellied heels

01/09/19 12:00:05

Gaywatch

21/08/19 8:00:05

eBay. 2 x Scooters for sale. 3 bids.

19/08/19 20:00:12

Door Matt

06/08/19 12:40:35

Ok, here goes..."Darling, there are some birds and some bees and then someone takes your flower"
...Phew, thank God that's out of the way

02/07/19 8:35:35

"Hello Mrs Jones? I'm calling to confirm your new life insurance policy that your husband arranged for you yesterday"

18/05/19 8:32:49

"Sorry Sir...... you've failed the test"

14/01/19 20:00:09

The Lion, the Bitch and the Wardrobe

27/12/18 20:00:09

Womb Raider

26/12/18 12:03:54

Away from the chaos of Westminster, Theresa May was invigorated and had taken up flashing dog walkers as a hobby.

05/09/19 8:00:23

Recommended on tripadvisor

28/08/19 20:00:07

Have your cake and eat tit

18/08/19 9:05:50

creative x2

It took 1 hour, 37 minutes and 13 seconds for Larry the undercover Policeman to deploy his bionic extendable arm. Thankfully, the shoplifter was in the middle of performing the ‘Slow motion orgasm dance’ which took just as long.

14/08/19 12:06:40

"I'd like to return this please. It won't stop screeching and obviously has a screw loose"

05/08/19 10:30:06

"And people said we'd make bad parents"

23/07/19 8:23:11

"Ok, I admit it. When my wife said she was going through the change, I didn't expect the Menopause to be so dramatic"

03/07/19 20:33:20

Aw, they’re sweet at this age. It’s when they become teenagers that they start to go off the rails.

12/06/19 20:00:12

creative clever

“We call this model the ‘David Camera-on’. It’s the market leading ‘stuck up tw*t device' which sits comfortably whilst a bloody nightmare unfolds around it.”

05/06/19 11:07:01

“You’ve had a son, Pat”

29/05/19 12:00:04

New wave music

26/05/19 20:09:40

UKIP Headquarters

02/05/19 8:00:22

Uncle Albat

01/05/19 20:00:08

"So, how long have you been a boring piece of modern art?"
"Erm, it must be about 2 years now. You?"
"Yeah same"

27/04/19 8:28:56

Baywatch vows to carry on with a new series despite suffering severe budget cuts

26/04/19 8:02:23

“Now I know that some people don’t understand Modern Art but for us intellectual pretentious types we have a rare treat to show you today. I present ‘The lonely yellow balloon on a blue wall’ by a man with 16 white balloons. Questions?”

11/04/19 12:30:36

Seoul searching

07/04/19 9:55:09

lol

Oh come on Ladies. How are us real men ever going to compete with Ann Summers

06/04/19 13:02:11

lol

"Steve, are you ready to get down the local for the 'who has got a head most like an orange' night?"
"Two minutes babe, just having a shave"

19/03/19 8:30:06

"I'd love to be a fly on the wall... Second thoughts, maybe not with the SWAT team around"

24/01/19 9:09:37

I love riding my bike on the beech

23/01/19 12:00:06

Regret having the last supper

22/01/19 8:04:56

lol

I said to my wife "do you fancy a Kit Kat Chunkie"? She hasn't spoken to me since

24/12/18 20:01:17

“Stare all you want love, his arse is mine”

Wed 12:00:54

Blue t-shirt, with a dog, wearing sunglasses and outside Cartier. Oh my god he looked so much better on his profile picture. How do I get out of it…Think, Kate, THINK!...

“Hi Dave? It’s Kate. I’m really sorry it’s last minute but I won’t be able to make it today. Weirdly I slipped on a lemon meringue pie in my garage and severed my toes on the third rung of an old rusty ladder, leaving me incapacitated and requiring a tetanus jab. Additionally, as I hit the floor, my neighbour pulled in his Land Rover and ran me over, so I don’t think I’ll be able to meet anytime soon. I’m really sorry”

“Kate don’t worry. I thought you were ugly anyway”

03/09/19 12:01:55

“I was bullied at school. Not because of the dummy, because I’m ginger”

30/08/19 12:00:20

♪He was a skater boy, she said cereal later boy♪

17/08/19 20:16:15

creative

"Is that Captain Schettino? Who's in charge of the Costa Concordia?"

13/08/19 12:52:09

"Steve, that bloody hamster is picking on Tiddles again"

08/08/19 12:06:54

"Hi Steve, are you enjoying the Kiss concert?"
"Not really, everyone here looks awesome except me. I can't believe you made me wear a pink T-Shirt and blue shorts"

01/08/19 20:20:17

Deliverude

25/07/19 20:00:31

The things you do when you're younger to get a woman to sit on your face

20/07/19 8:37:56

Fruit & Nut

15/07/19 20:00:05

“I wish the Zoo would just tell the visitors that the Bears died last month, I’m f*cking boiling in this suit”

13/07/19 12:01:26

This is a pitcher of me at Cannes

06/07/19 8:00:09

"It has just been refurbished, they completely gutted it"

23/06/19 12:14:17

"...and that's how Lambrini is made"

20/06/19 8:00:16

Hot Rod

15/06/19 12:00:27

"When I said I fancied something poached for breakfast..."

11/06/19 8:00:14

The Exorcisters

06/06/19 12:04:55

"Wow, that has a bit of a kick to it, I was in the shooting range a minute ago"

01/06/19 20:20:25

“YOUR NUTS ARE NEVER COMING ANYWHERE NEAR ME AGAIN”

29/05/19 12:00:12

Water Raleigh

24/05/19 20:05:40

She'd be no good on Pointless.

22/05/19 10:17:32

Tetley Fleabags

17/05/19 12:00:16

Just wading for the bus…

27/04/19 12:00:05

Marie Antoilette

24/04/19 20:03:55

"I'm sorry, do you have any paracetamol? I was playing in an orchestra last night and it must have been loud as I have a killer headache"

18/04/19 20:00:32

It's such a shame to see talent go to waste

18/04/19 8:00:07

What a party. Debbie had eventually pulled Steve, Steve was doing god knows what with his hands whilst being fascinated by a ghost which had appeared in the room, and Dan had the rest of the party stumped with his latest round of Charades

15/04/19 9:55:26

“Forgive me father as I have sinned”
“Ok tell me more child”
“Well my name is Jude and firstly I’m not a child so don’t get too excited. It all started Yesterday with this girl, Eleanor Rigby, I met her on Penny Lane. I saw her standing there and I said to her ‘hey I wanna hold your hand’ and she said yes so, I told myself, hey Jude, she loves you. I was so happy as after all, all you need is love, and I love her. I bought her a ticket to ride the long and winding road to Strawberry Fields where I’d hoped we’d come together. Unfortunately, all my loving had gone to waste as she told me good night. I stood there like a fool on the hill and I shouted, ‘we can work it out’, get back. Unfortunately, it was a case of hello goodbye. She was crying and drunk and wanted to leave so I said listen, you can drive my car. I should have known better, but it was too late, it was the end”

09/04/19 21:25:09

Abbey Robe

09/04/19 20:00:05

"Don't worry Ivan, I know that they shrink with age but I can still see it my darling"

08/04/19 12:06:41

"What are you reading mate? Oh ok, my teacher at school used to try teach me sh*t like that. I ignored him and it didn't do me any harm"

"Good for you mate. Large Big Mac meal please"

14/03/19 20:01:09

Hello mate. Just a bit bored so I thought I'd send you a text. How's life in the countryside since the move? Enjoying your big house and land? Jammy bugger! Anyway London's not the same without you mate. Have to go now and water my window box. Take care.

09/03/19 9:14:20

John was faced with his first Bushtucker trial.

21/02/19 12:36:57

Pedigree Chums

09/02/19 8:21:35

creative

"Oh my god that stinks. It's actually making my eyes water...Couldn't you have used the downstairs toilet?"

02/02/19 8:44:00

Trying to make ends meet, Larry was juggling between two jobs as a fire fighter and playing drums for a local Jazz band. Most importantly though, his family was behind him.

28/01/19 10:12:35

lol

Why are Grandad's cholesterol tablets in my suitcase.......and where's my Ecstasy......

13/01/19 12:00:17

Exhaust-dead

Thu 20:00:07

"Hello, I have a letter here for the head of 35 Bank Street. Is that you?"
"No, not me mate, I'm security. You want the third floor, and don't forget to sign in at reception"

Thu 12:00:45

General Erection

10/09/19 20:00:06

Friday the 13th - Part 1,346.

Unfortunately, not even the extinction of the human race was enough to stop this movie franchise from continuing.

02/09/19 20:01:18

lol

"...and after a heavy undercover operation, Tony 'the public bollard masturbater' was finally caught"

28/08/19 23:12:01

auf wiedersehen pet

27/08/19 20:00:05

A giant monster hand has appeared on the roof of a town building in Essex, leaving residents in a state of shock and absolute horror at the lack of nail polish.

26/08/19 20:01:00

Don't feed your pet Banana after midnight...

23/08/19 8:14:39

Well, it wasn't as comfortable as taking Imodium, but it did the trick.

22/08/19 20:00:16

clever

A dyslexic marketing assistant has been fired after producing work for the campaign ‘Tactics to contain antisocial behaviour’…

22/08/19 12:00:10

...no deal Brexit.

"and this sign is where 10 Downing Street used to be before the war. Hyperinflation was so bad at this point that everyone had to sell their houses to buy a drink. Obviously things calmed down once our glorious President Putin moved into Buckingham Palace and restored order. Ok children, that's the end of your English history in the English language lesson. пора идти домой"

19/08/19 12:50:45

Tadpolo

16/08/19 12:26:58

“…and then I said, f*ck Health and Safety, I don’t need a hard hat”

06/08/19 12:00:16

It used to be called 'The Headless Chick Inn'

24/07/19 20:02:05

It's embarrassing trying to teach dyslexic boys the Jitterbug

14/07/19 12:58:34

This was the day I met Amos from the airport. We had spent 6 months chatting on Grindr before meeting face to face. I was so excited I wore my 'Homo sex leads to hell of a nice time' T-shirt.

03/07/19 8:01:18

Boarder Control

06/06/19 8:08:29

There's always one arsehole on the motorway.

04/06/19 8:03:50

Knob Jockeys

02/06/19 12:00:09

I can think of better cock pulling exercises.

31/05/19 16:32:10

"Dave, don't forget you have an appointment at the hairdressers at twenty to one"

21/05/19 20:36:21

"My wife told me to lose some weight or she's leaving me"

21/05/19 12:08:34

Findus Keepers

01/05/19 10:23:14

After spending the day campaigning for the removal of German shepherds from the UK, Nigel Farage's dog enjoys well deserved pint.

29/04/19 9:29:12

lol

"Don't worry guys, we're friendly bears, although I'd watch the light brown one, he seems to like your beard and he hasn't had a good sh*g for months"

28/04/19 21:02:20

“We are not moving out of the way until you tell us where we can find that cheeky cow, Goldilocks”

28/04/19 20:00:10