captions

"I'm afraid the mammogram machine's broken down Mrs Brown, so I'm just going to grab your tits and have a good ol' squeeze."

Reports are coming in stating Theresa May is back in Brussels making one last push to get a Brexit deal…

13/03/19 12:20:20

So that's why she had a sore throat.. --stone face

Mr. Toad

09/06/12 10:28:38

Perfect. --D C

Stephen Bean

£50
WINNER

lol x6

26/02/20 12:00:54

I'd already decided if I won I wanted to use the money to help caption.me. I've asked Chris if he might consider putting my winnings towards a second prize of £25 for Feb, and a second prize of £25 for March, and otherwise put it towards the c... --Stephen Bean

"Look, there's some nosy bastard looking through our letterbox."

creative x6

15/03/13 21:00:00

Well done for thinking out of the (letter) box. --Smuldo

£50
WINNER

Most of them were Trump lookalikes - orange on the outside, hollow on the inside, and should be thrown out in November.

20/09/20 11:00:47

I almost didn't submit this photo for captioning thinking it would be a difficult one. Obviously not for you Molly! So glad I changed my mind. Excellent caption. Congratulations! --Karyn Harrison

Mark Wilson

£50
WINNER

lol x4

Due to social distancing the pool only has water in lanes 1,3,5 and 7. So if the swimmer representing Ireland in the 200m backstroke could move to the next lane across please

19/07/20 11:36:41

Wow, I'm only on the bloody winners board!! Thanks to all who made this possible and your kind comments. There are some great captions on that board.... and then there's mine. --Mark Wilson

£25
WINNER

23/02/20 20:45:45

Well done. You've still a bit to go to earn as much from a dead Beatle as Yoko. --Troompa Loompa

Spycenwolf

The Da Vinci chord.

04/05/19 11:01:16

Thank you for your kind words, Crunchy Chords! I was chuffed to bits when my caption garnered so much love. I am truly grateful to all of you guys and girls for this. I think that Welsh Rarebit's caption deservedly won. Apart from bei... --Spycenwolf

£50
WINNER

He's in for a shock. There's a conductor on board today.

clever x6

27/04/19 11:09:49

I feel lucky to have won as I was up against some brilliant high scoring captions this month. Thank you for the votes, supervotes and kind comments! --Vanessa the Guesser

Horoscope:'Taurus will enter Uranus.'

22/07/18 7:45:58

Do you mean Horrorscope? --Dave Bryan

"...but I hate my brothel."

03/03/16 20:15:26

Dan Nicholls

"Oi Noah, wait for us."

08/10/18 7:08:02

Noah: "Sorry guys, I've zebras and lions on board, I'll improvise." --Pete

£50
WINNER

11/01/17 20:01:12

Thanks for your comments everyone, and your votes for the smallest caption ever ;-), it was a difficult month for captioning but Mark, William, Dan or Ian could have won also with their captions, keep up the good work guys and gals cheers . --Smuldo

Steve Davies

lol x6

As Dave celebrated his birthday a witch callously steals his car.

30/10/16 16:18:47

Witty and imaginative Steve, love it xxx --Andrea Hickling

19/10/15 11:06:09

07/09/20 7:06:41

£50
WINNER

11/04/20 7:13:29

Way hay! I'm starting to feel like a bit of a Captioneer now, need to work a bit on my consistency, lol. Thanks peeps, for all your votes and lovely comments. Thank you, Chris, for shining this here beacon of lightheartedness, where ... --Vivvy En

The Wolf

£50
WINNER

The son shines out of his arse

18/06/19 19:00:13

Wow! I can't believe I've won, such a nice surprise! Thank you very much for the votes and kind words. Also thanks to Chris for picking the caption but most importantly for giving us the site! It's a privilege to be on the board and a pleasure ... --The Wolf

31/03/16 7:00:10

Best of the week. --John Glover

Zac Kramer

14/10/15 19:08:22

Cath Jones

clever x6

Today is arm assist day.

11/11/14 12:00:06

Thank you for the nice comments :-) --Cath Jones

Tosser Wivlov

Nice legs, shame about the faith.

12/02/13 12:46:36

Spud Gunn

lol x6

Lost Puppy... and I haven't seen my pussy for a while either.

05/01/13 10:58:11

D C

£100
WINNER

Portaloo, couldn't escape if I wanted to.

09/07/12 19:00:21

The Wolf

£50
WINNER

You think your job is depressing? You wanna try working in the Snowman morgue.

11/03/20 8:00:13

Thank you very much for your votes and kind words. There were some great captions this month so feel very fortunate to win the top prize. I've always found Caption.me a great and fun distraction from the otherwise stressful day to day of life. Th... --The Wolf

Charles Gilbert

£50
WINNER

26/01/20 21:58:13

Congratulations Charles. Excellent caption, although I've got some questions. No time for them? Ok then I'll just get on... with captioning. --Willie Johnson

"Boris, there's some policemen at the front door?"

23/06/19 19:16:43

"This week, on 'Taking a Selfie Using a Galaxy Note 7'..."

15/06/19 11:55:33

I've never finished a diet either.

11/06/19 19:00:49

Had a similar idea but I decided to vastly over complicate mine and yours reads much better! Great Caption :) --The Wolf

Tina Flowers

These stairs lead down to the best cellar.

21/10/18 19:06:51

I think you might have a winner there. Great caption. --John Glover

£50
WINNER

"The toothbrush behind the sink was massive but I managed"

11/05/18 16:23:33

Thanks to Chris for the prize and thank you all for the kind comments! Biggest thanks to the poor bloke in the photo!Cheers all :D --C CaMel

Charles did not even flinch as the Swallow flew into his nose.

01/12/16 8:34:50

Well you've now got more for that comment Mark.... --Mr Dome

£100
WINNER

It was a nice gesture by the Bulgarian Police Force to give informer Alexander Keepoff a Memorial.

Toed in the hole

16/07/16 7:00:10

Thanks for the nice comments guys.Toad/toed in the hole is one of those captions that occur quite often, I did one a few months before Fraser's, as have other captioners before that. --Welsh Rarebit

03/11/15 20:37:53

03/09/15 19:00:10

12/03/14 12:37:33

♫ They call me Mr Bum-Plastic...♫

16/01/13 20:00:51

Al Overy

£50
WINNER

BREAKING - Sniffer dog retires after largest ever cocaine find. 'He left on a high', said his handler.

10/10/20 11:00:14

Thanks again everyone. --Al Overy

21/04/20 11:00:17

As a funeral director, I should never have agreed to the, ‘Take Your Kids To Work Day’ initiative.

30/03/20 12:59:43

Waaaaah I’m close to being pipped to the post. But it was very exiting being at the top for this long. Thank you to everyone who voted. Can’t believe the score I got in the first place! Xxxx --Karen Oakenfull

22/03/20 12:31:59

Read an article the other day about the Spanish flu epidemic and it was saying that although Britain, France and Germany all had this flu before Spain, it got called Spanish flu because it appeared in the uncensored Spanish press whilst the other ... --Glyn Evans

Troompa Loompa

£25
WINNER

The Queen throws a leaving party for Harry and Meghan.

20/03/20 20:03:08

Thanks for all the kind words folks. 😊Stay safe 😷 and happy captioning. 👨‍💻 👩‍💻 --Troompa Loompa

Michelle Purrington

£50
WINNER

I dont mind this beer but I'm normally Intastellar

21/08/19 11:03:00

Has anyone else ever won the monthly prize with their first ever caption on Caption.me? Out of this world effort Michelle, well done. --James Lennox

04/08/19 9:54:15

"Luke, I am your farmer."

23/03/19 8:46:34

Haha. I don't mind chipping in a tenner for second place (it definitely will not be one of mine)!! Great caption. Genuinely choked on my toast. So thanks for nearly killing me! --The Wolf

£50
WINNER

Wash his hands hopefully.

22/01/19 8:22:17

Thanks Dave and everyone else. Chuffed to be on the board and loving the spirit of Caption.me. Will continue to represent the hobbits down here in NZ. Cheers all. --James Lennox

£50
WINNER

08/08/18 11:26:52

"Nah, no one's left one 'ere." --John Glover

stone face

"It was quite a comfortable ride. Once I got used to sitting on my nan's face."

03/08/18 7:13:01

Thanks Karen-If only you would have voted for it ,then I would have won the fifty quid and I wouldn't have had to sell one of the kids to make ends meet. But don't blame yourself Karen am sure you never meant to be so selfish. Once again thanks. --stone face

31/05/18 19:00:17

Caution: Chinese Dragon costume thieves operate in this area.

01/05/18 19:16:15

£50
WINNER

"When I asked you to give me a quote for the damage...?"

08/04/18 7:36:55

Thanks everyone for your comments and votes :-) --Welsh Rarebit

Carol wished a double decker would come...and a Mars Bar, a Twix, a Bounty and a box of Terry's All Gold.

30/07/13 11:21:55

July's caption of the month, posted to the official caption.me Facebook page. Congrats! --Chris Beach

13/06/13 19:17:39

31/03/13 7:02:14

Houston, wee have a problem. --Pete

Tosser Wivlov

They met each other on the web.

15/01/13 20:42:18

Roley Martin

8 out of 10 cats prefer Whiskies.

28/10/11 20:02:18

28/06/14 19:01:15

Took me a while, I think it was the capital L. I think best caption of the week. --Ian Skelding

The ArmStrong of the Law.

creative x6

27/08/13 11:57:39

That word play was a double back flip with a full twist. Nicely done! --Greg Curtis

Cath Jones

creative x3

Barbara has a highly infectious laugh.

03/05/13 19:07:31

After watching their team lose again, the crowd turned ugly.

07/02/13 12:08:07

or else they're just Man U fans --Tosser Wivlov

Norman could only afford the basic package from Dignitas.

£100
WINNER

14/09/12 8:00:35

I've not seen this caption before, as I've not been a member that long. I've not laughed so much in a long time. There are captions, funny captions and, rarely, truly sidesplitting captions like this. Quintessentially fabulous. --Tommy FlashBangWallop

Mr. Toad

The only gay in the pillage.

30/06/12 19:17:18

03/10/11 10:00:16

£50
WINNER

Later on they fell out.

08/08/20 7:05:57

Thanks everybody! I really appreciate all the support and the lovely uplifting comments. :) --Vanessa the Guesser

Stephen Bean

Dave was the last to notice Medusa had taken up hang gliding.

08/07/20 11:00:09

''Hello, Derbyshire police, it's Tom here. I've just seen a couple walking their dog.''

31/03/20 7:04:05

Mark Wilson

All these animals on Noahs Ark and I'm the only one who feels seasick

12/02/20 20:11:57

Sorry Mark, missed voting by an inch. Great observational caption. --James Lennox

04/08/18 22:47:17

26/07/18 12:51:38

Here's another one JG - caption.me/57912 :) --Pete

£50
WINNER

Gary was confident of his chances in this years novelty hat competition.

07/03/18 8:33:00

Hat off to you, stone face, great caption. --Pete

William Kay

It was definitely a no fly zone.

20/01/17 12:40:19

The proof is in the pudding.

29/03/16 21:03:44

After proofreading your caption, I find it perfect. --Pete

Lucky Elperro

I may have Parkinsons, but I can eat my own ice cream thank you very much.

07/09/15 11:18:26

15/06/15 19:18:24

It was several weeks before his landlady realised he'd left without paying.

29/12/14 20:12:10

The following is not a joke; it's a compliment: If you show this image to a thousand people, 950 would just scratch their heads, 49 would make SOME sense out of it...and one, maybe just ONE would be funny. Congratulations! Nice caption, which is ... --Greg Curtis

This public gathering is just asking to get Corona.

ICU

25/07/20 11:02:49

Icy too --Willie Johnson

James Lennox

12/05/20 7:16:32

It was at this moment James regretted tying Rex to a jet ski.

02/05/20 7:00:12

At first I thought this was terrible. Then I imagined the jet ski setting off and realised this caption suits the picture perfectly. --Neil Mackenzie

"You spoil that bloody bat!"

27/04/20 11:12:35

The Statue of David is now in Florence.

21/04/20 7:04:16

Allow 12 hours to fully charge.

20/04/20 11:03:20

Troompa Loompa

Sonic regretted taking a shortcut through the cow field.

20/04/20 7:50:09

"Have you been mis-sold PPE?'

03/04/20 7:09:53

'Been up since 4.am. Got a brilliant caption for the 8 a.m photo but I think it's gonna be a bit obvious. There's bound to be other captioneers thinking the same thing. I know, cut and paste. Oh five seconds to go. Finger hovering over add caption button...4..3 ..2 ZZZZZZZ '

02/05/19 7:16:05

"...so I said, 'what ceiling fan?'..."

18/04/19 19:37:57

Keep chuckling to this a lot. It’s a brilliant caption 😃 --Karen Oakenfull

Scrappy Doo

The Abdominal Doughman

09/04/19 3:05:51

Thank you Dot Old. --Scrappy Doo

Paul Reeve

He got fed up with just fetching balls.

28/02/19 12:51:44

£50
WINNER

creative x3

11/02/19 12:01:55

Thank you for the votes and kind messages, they are much appreciated. Hope you all have a great weekend! --Vanessa the Guesser

........ just posting some pictures of my trip

10/01/19 8:41:39

You must've had a lovely time. Is that a picture of your-niece, then? :^) --Crunchy Chords

£50
WINNER

20/09/18 7:05:14

I'm so excited to win! Thanks for the votes and comments. --Vanessa the Guesser

Karyn Harrison

Titanic - directed by Alfred Hitchcock.

31/07/18 19:48:18

£50
WINNER

It's unusual for a seagull to be scared of heights.

21/06/18 19:07:37

I couldn't wait to find out who posted this caption. Absolutely brilliant, Pete. :) --Pussy Galore

Great on the parcel shelf of a car.

Nod to everyone.

23/05/18 13:08:30

You got the record for "the longest fuse" on a caption:45 seconds before I got it...Congrats!!! --Greg Curtis

Troompa Loompa

£50
WINNER

"Oi mate! You're in the wrong quay."

11/02/18 21:07:10

Well done Troompa - you hit the right note with that one. --Vivvy En

£50
WINNER

"How will I recognise you?"

09/11/17 20:34:07

Woo woo! Thanks for the comments and the votes everyone! --Michael Winner

£50
WINNER

09/10/17 19:28:10

Smuldo has very kindly donated his prize toward the running of this site. Thanks and congrats again on a great caption. --Chris Beach

Pussy Galore

"Why are you leaving the job?"
"The doctor says I've got parking zones disease."

11/02/17 20:48:38

Thank you for all the votes. That's my highest score to date. :) --Pussy Galore

21/10/16 11:54:20

17/10/15 19:00:07

My Big Fat Tipsy Wedding.

02/08/15 20:09:56

15/10/14 7:31:28

20/04/14 19:24:31

A mass grave of unknown snowmen.

05/02/14 8:00:09

Fitting old jokes to captions isn't what I would do personally but each to their own, there's a big difference between getting inspiration from an old joke and then adapting it and citing an old gag word for word. A nod to the original is good f... --Shandonbelle

Feeling cannelloni?

12/11/12 12:07:39

The new Paralympic torch.

02/09/12 11:03:49

Cath Jones

£100
WINNER

Grillers in the mist.

07/08/12 11:27:04

Gordon Bannerman

Hitch-hiker killed in freak accident

07/06/12 10:14:26

Lyarna Manley

Cliff was holding the fort.

15/05/12 10:22:15

Linda D

Burkha King

12/05/12 19:00:21

Pablo Cabello

The riding's on the wall.

05/05/12 19:00:09

"Permission to speak, Captain Mainwaring sir..."

24/03/14 20:00:55

10/01/14 12:00:12

Or "Marital Kombat" :-) --Oli Blackwell

Gordon Bannerman

Two Popes elected in Staffordshire

25/08/13 19:51:41

I keep chuckling at this one. --Dan Dan

Gayna Dee

See A Penny..Pick It Up..All The Day You'll Have Good Luck

12/04/13 7:30:37

Genius. --Michael Monkhouse

"So Mr Smith, are these all the hallucinogenics you have taken, and how are you feeling now?"

18/02/13 12:15:46

This is cracking :-) --Chris Beach

Spagyetti.

12/11/12 12:00:09

"Think in...think out."

09/11/12 8:13:13

♬ Relieving on a jet plane. ♬

Bruised Wayne

18/09/12 19:10:56

F Mackay

24/08/12 11:02:19

"Come on out you bastards, I'm supposed to be getting married in half an hour!"

06/07/12 10:11:12

24/06/12 10:00:11

23/06/12 19:00:30

08/06/12 19:00:06

Men like him should be put behind bras.

16/05/12 10:03:56

Mr. Toad

This disturbing image was found in the home of a known Speedophile.

02/05/12 19:00:49

Naa they'r just trying to make a brief trunk call --Bad Boy Dennis.

F Mackay

"I've got 10,000 twitter followers."

16/03/12 11:06:48

Roley Martin

Trying to make N's meet.

27/10/11 10:17:46

Meerkat fancy dress costumes have become increasingly popular within Denmark's Mink population.

10/11/20 8:00:16

The Wolf

Dear Santa. For Christmas this year I'd love some thermal underpants.

05/10/20 19:27:23

"Right, that's curry sauce, mango chutney, basmati rice, onion bhaji, poppadoms and a Nan."

15/03/20 12:57:09

13/08/19 19:43:44

"Flippin' hell, Edmund, Who cares if it's creased? Just stick the flag in the bloody summit"

24/06/19 19:30:04

£50
WINNER

Children should be seen and not blurred.

10/05/19 7:49:01

No ..that's exactly what I meant..I always propose to the monthly winner..and because am such a handsome bastard I just knew you'd say yes xx(PS I normally put in for a divorce once the fifty quid is spent.) --stone face

"God, Shave the Queen..."

04/05/19 19:00:10

02/05/19 13:04:27

26/04/19 13:59:11

28/02/19 8:18:57

When I said I wanted a cake with a big number two on it I meant her age

08/02/19 20:05:14

Typo "meant", but nice caption :) --James Lennox

'live from the paper plane crash, as it unfolds.'

19/01/19 20:19:53

£50
WINNER

15/12/18 12:00:10

I'm over the moon! thanks everyone :-) I wish everyone a Happy New Year --Welsh Rarebit

ant knee

Irritable Owl Syndrome

23/10/18 11:00:17

Funny Bean

"Come on officer, I was only doing a fraction over"

One Million Years P.C.

07/10/18 11:00:09

Chris Keegan

17/09/18 11:00:08

This sort of thing just makes me cross

07/09/18 7:14:55

"Are you going out without putting a coat on ?..."

06/09/18 13:02:48

Leroy Brown

Force Feeding

06/08/18 7:23:05

Chris Keegan

The final episode of Peppa Pig

02/11/17 8:14:09

Ross Davidson

The next drink was complimentary.

19/07/16 10:52:50

22/03/16 12:03:32

♫ I feel slitty, oh so slitty ♫ --Boycie

"Where's the snake darling?"
"Upstairs with the twins."

23/01/16 23:08:48

Hey, Lucky. Like our friend, Zac, I see that you won two out of three in "your row." But, can you sweep a whole row, get a triple? No pressure. Just sayin'...you came pretty close. --Greg Curtis

Dan Nicholls

"Do you remember, a little boy wrote to you 18 years ago asking for a bike and a truck? That was me motherf*cker".

22/09/15 19:06:38

Pasture bedtime

20/09/15 19:05:58

Have to agree with Mr Glover - this is a winner. --Dan Nicholls

Greg Curtis

"Did I mention my boyfriend's a truck driver?"

02/08/15 8:43:57

The locals were more accustomed to seeing stools washed up on the beach.

29/01/15 12:14:36

Karyn Harrison

If you want your dishwasher to work you have to turn it on.

14/10/20 11:30:14

It has a squeeze butt-on. --Willie Johnson

James Lennox

£50
WINNER

"What do you think Dave?"

"Well Sir, it looks like some sort of large grey box."

28/04/20 19:23:57

First off, I'd like to thank the Academy ... no but seriously, thanks to Chris for picking #3 (I too preferred it to my other), and kudos to Smuldo for being equal #1. Thanks also to Mr. Dome for his "BeeSI: Miami", which forced me to edit my ... --James Lennox

Dave wasn't impressed at how Legal and General settled his claim for the roof repair.

In other words - U FO

18/04/20 11:11:28

04/10/19 19:02:43

02/08/19 21:22:08

11/07/19 7:18:11

"Euston, we have a problem"

30/04/19 11:21:58

Gavin Smithers

"I'm afraid we're giving the part to Ursula Andress"

26/04/19 8:59:08

21/04/19 13:14:53

"Do you mind...? I work nights, you know."

28/02/19 20:54:27

Glad You Remember

"It's members only, sir."

26/12/18 12:01:59

Tina Flowers

'It's not you Ken, it's me, I just want more space'.

28/11/18 21:55:22

I agree with Dave, this one was so good I refused to attempt a caption... --G fj

£50
WINNER

"Sorry I grabbed you, Fido, I thought it was my lipstick"

01/10/18 19:04:56

I'm absolutely thrilled. Thanks to everyone for the votes and kind comments --Mark England

stone face

"Has Nan gone out with that big glass ashtray in her mouth again?"

26/08/18 19:57:14

Amazon customer help desk.

09/08/18 19:22:44

"Beryl, can we go home now as I've got a Whopper of a headache."

29/07/18 19:08:29

Neil Mackenzie

Essex Girls struggle to wear knickers on special occasions.

26/07/18 7:00:44

Ah, that's 'cracked' me up. You're so mean. --Vivvy En

15/05/18 7:55:45

He'll be back in his crypt tonight.

10/05/18 11:14:18

£50
WINNER

Because Mrs Benson had been hiding under the bed at the time of the burglary, the line-up at Clacton police station was somewhat unusual.

17/04/17 7:35:16

Amazing. The comments mean a lot more than the 50. Very kind. May the silliness long continue!Thanks. --Jonathan Allsopp

In his younger days, Don King had a fetish for licking squirrels arses

23/01/17 20:16:38

It's based on Don King's unique hairstyle --Mark England

The battery's dead.

02/01/17 20:25:25

That is the best caption for some time. Nice work. --Dan Nicholls

Stephen Paterson

Bah HungBug!

22/12/16 12:01:58

Thank you folks, that's now my best scoring caption. :-) --Stephen Paterson

Steve Wright

£50
WINNER

Wally's swollen testicles were becoming a concern.

09/12/16 15:09:17

Yeah truly fantastic caption --Petey Bee

£50
WINNER

03/11/16 8:02:11

Thanks very much everyone,much appreciated and thanks to Chris for giving us a great site with superb captioneers, cheers 😁 --Smuldo

Greg Curtis

£100
WINNER

20/08/16 11:15:41

Thanks for all the great feedback, gang! And thank you, Chris, for creating, and running this great site...which keeps us off the streets and out of trouble. The internet can be a dark place, but caption.me is a point of shimmering light - a place... --Greg Curtis

"Umm.....what's this? DO NOT SPIT AT THE VISITORS."

21/07/16 19:35:59

Steve Davies

"Let me see, Google , images , Medusa, ah shit.

25/10/15 20:20:14

"Is that really you Medusa? Well stone me..." --Boycie

09/09/15 11:44:04

"Hello is that customer complaints? I need to return some goods...well, I ordered a leotard".

06/08/15 7:01:16

From Amazon I presume. :-D --Chris Halliwell

"Alas, poor Yorick! I flew him well."

05/02/15 20:23:07

He was raised as a fool. --Boycie

They made me take my silverback.

27/01/15 12:02:16

Just done it..... In your new shoes!

Who ate all the flies?

15/08/14 8:44:18

02/07/14 7:00:20

24/06/14 19:00:57

16/03/14 9:37:01

"I told you we should've used heavier barrels to store the helium - go get the step ladders..."

05/03/14 20:09:07

"Nigella! Have you been on the coke again?"

lol x5

15/12/13 8:30:56

Now we know who's really behind the exhibits in Charles Saatchi's gallery. Damien Hurst? Tracy Emin? Neither can match the creativity of Nigella on coke. --Mark England

27/08/13 19:01:41

27/03/13 12:00:30

The Full Monty Python? --Cath Jones

Trophy wife.

17/01/13 8:02:46

"You got a light?"..."I am the light Baby."

£100
WINNER

11/11/12 20:03:59

Thank you for your kind comments and pm's. It's a privilege just to be part of such a fantastic site and group of people, and like it's been said before, this is the icing on the cake. --Dan Dan