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clever

The Famous Fyffe

07/02/23 12:00:06

Balance Armstrong

05/02/23 20:18:15

Superman was confident he could tackle one Danny Devito, but not three of the buggers.

03/02/23 20:00:20

Key for unknown lock sold separately.

31/01/23 12:00:07

lol

The Retailer Formerly Known as Prince.

22/01/23 22:35:34, edited: 26/11/24 11:25:20, suggested edits

Perhaps trying to make an SOS message with these buggers was a mistake, thought Tom.

17/01/23 8:11:43

“There’s got to be a Zebra crossing around here somewhere.”

14/01/23 12:14:39

clever

It had a good review on Trip Advisor

12/01/23 8:01:30

SPORT: BREAKING

In a bid to increase their wages, professional female bowlers have begun a series of strikes.

10/01/23 8:02:21

Fanny By Gaslight

05/01/23 8:23:00

lol

"About the order I emailed in. Just to confirm, that should be 30cm, not 30km. Soz for any inconvenience."

04/01/23 20:58:11

Eggs Floorentine

02/01/23 20:01:10

creative

Perhaps our American captioneer can explain this vehicle. Is it a boxcar, Willie?

02/01/23 8:08:45

The moment Ringo was picked to play drums.

01/01/23 12:30:49

From Here to Maternity

31/12/22 20:44:23

I used to like it when the street names were shorter, it’s a real pain filling in forms.

29/12/22 9:12:59

lol

The cost of living crisis claims more victims today, trying to shake coins out of the sofa.

28/12/22 8:21:56

Please take your litter home

24/12/22 8:02:14

Kiss and makeup

23/12/22 8:00:12

"What temperature do you set the thermostat?"

21/12/22 20:22:45

"This will be such a great picture for Facebook. I can't believe we got our little angel to balance on top of the tree..."

20/12/22 20:01:49

The only downside is the small prick

20/12/22 9:44:12

Terror-cotta

19/12/22 12:33:07

clever

Her body was discovered in a Subway.

13/12/22 22:49:05

"I had a bad reaction to this and went to A & E. I waited ages to be seen."

05/12/22 20:27:40

lol

"Jim your dinners ready, what are you looking for?"
"I'm looking for a book by Shakespeare"
"Which one?"
"William"

03/12/22 21:24:31

The good old days... when families could afford to heat one room.

02/12/22 8:00:14

clever

Hubert eagerly awaited the big match.

29/11/22 20:00:14

I’m so glad we didn’t get a flat

24/11/22 8:00:21

clever

The Eyes Have Hills

22/11/22 12:38:13

lol

"Oh my God! That bull is doing International Sign Language with his horns!"

"Really? What's he saying?"

"Moo."

16/11/22 20:01:07, edited: 16/11/22 20:01:48

lol

"Hold on, my other shoe is ringing."

15/11/22 12:02:39

lol

Even as a youngster Michael McIntyre had been a bit of a show off.

14/11/22 8:12:24, edited: 14/11/22 9:28:23

creative

My wife always runs around like this

12/11/22 9:03:54

Tom was in bed all day with a bug.

06/11/22 20:00:08

Memory bank

06/11/22 8:02:57

lol

''Stand to attention. Form two straight lines. Move when I tell you to move.''

''They may know the grill, Sarge, but you'll never make soldiers out of them.''

03/11/22 12:30:52, edited: 03/11/22 12:41:33

lol

“Kids, go and say your goodbyes to Daddy while we wait for the Coroner.”

31/10/22 8:00:15

Which clown thought this up?

28/10/22 19:17:39

That meat looks a bit dicey.

17/10/22 7:03:39

"Gotta admit, you had me feeling a little paranoid when you said you were gonna take me out earlier."

11/10/22 7:09:05

clever

''What's that noise, darling?''

''It'll probably be those bloody kids from next door climbing on the roof again.''

04/10/22 7:41:43

creative

Shave The Children

02/10/22 11:00:10

She only married him because he's loaded.

01/10/22 19:11:23

"Do you know what my favourite wine is, George?"
"Oh probably some old shit about brexit, fuel costs or wanting a bigger house"

16/09/22 19:01:26

He's been shopping in his natural Habitat.

12/09/22 19:00:27

lol x2

"OK I'm shining the torch where I want you to shoot it with a tranquilizer"

12/09/22 7:04:39

clever

He's also been working on his pecks.

24/08/22 19:00:33

Reading town centre

16/08/22 7:00:10

Let sleeping dogs dry

14/08/22 19:44:02

clever

Nod to 36:24:36

30/07/22 11:47:31

Cow & Gates

23/07/22 7:00:14

lol

"Ahhh it's Persil , no we won't be going back to our old washing powder."

22/07/22 19:42:31

Loos women

17/07/22 7:06:51

您通常会有一个装配图和零件清单与该单元。花几分钟检查所有零件和固定装置是否存在且正确。没有什么比在整个过程中发现一两个螺丝丢失更糟糕的了。包装中还应包含一些组装工具所需的工具，例如内六角钥匙或星形钥匙（完成后，将工具放在安全的地方）。

将所有固定件和小部件放在一侧或容器中（如塑料特百惠盒），以免它们“丢失”。

在开始组装设备之前，请检查所有部件以确保它们处于良好状态，因为它们有时会在存储和交付过程中受到撞击。如果有任何作品被标记，则由您决定在退回该作品或继续进行方面采取什么行动。

在拿起任何工具之前，请仔细阅读说明并从头到尾阅读它们，以便了解您将要遵循的过程。

13/07/22 11:02:16

Dave regretted responding to the ‘90% off!’ haircut advertisement.

10/07/22 19:26:35

I told you not to pick at it.

05/07/22 11:05:38

Unfortunately Churchill was dropped by Pepsi after testing positive for Coke.

28/06/22 22:26:11

"Hello, is that the vet? Yes, it's my cat. He's eaten an umbrella."

22/06/22 8:33:23

He's going to need a bigger newspaper

19/06/22 7:03:33

Kentucky Pride Chicken

07/06/22 19:12:09

lol x2

"Don't forget to tape Bugs Bunny for me".

31/05/22 11:06:31

Latest frontline photo reveals clear evidence that Putin has Bungled his invasion.

20/05/22 7:00:07

lol

"So God created Adam in His own image, which, strangely, was that of a 70s pornstar."

07/05/22 12:28:08

creative

After losing the first 8 of his lives, Graham was particularly annoyed with the 9th.

18/04/22 11:04:05

lol

"So, you say that the assailant attacked you with a high-powered leaf blower, Madam? Do you have any proof?"

11/04/22 19:00:41

Ahh look, she’s drifted off

04/04/22 7:00:17

lol

"Make up for Daryl Hannah please!"

02/04/22 19:41:59

clever x2

Quick, call Tony Blair! I knew if we searched long enough we'd find hidden arms in a rack

31/03/22 19:16:58

Barbie doll

25/03/22 21:02:57

"And 8 months later the Grand Designs team are back to see how the project is progressing"

19/03/22 12:27:52

lol

"See - I told you this room was big enough!"

17/03/22 12:06:33

lol x2

That awkward moment when the Wimbledon Men’s Singles trophy gets stuck in your afro.

25/02/22 12:00:50

My name is Dave and I'm a talcaholic.

22/02/22 20:05:22

lol

"Now, my good man, are you a mounted policeman?"

"No."

"Would you like to be?"

07/02/22 20:11:21

"Thank you so much for saving my life."

"No problem. Just chew your food more in the future before swallowing"

30/01/22 13:14:36

lol

“It was bloody damp in our house when we were kids. This is us in the back bedroom.”

19/01/22 20:16:39

Smart-ass.

19/01/22 8:50:08

lol

"Play louder I can still hear them trying to make another baby."

16/01/22 20:28:59

lol x2

"Don't let your mum catch you looking at those white women with their tits covered."

14/01/22 8:07:54

Dave decided to look up an old girlfriend.

02/01/22 20:36:27

Is that a crop top?

12/12/21 8:21:53

lol

"Oh f@ck ,could my day get any worse?"
"Brace yourself Barry the bull is taking a run up."

10/12/21 8:10:20

“So how much of the house is yours following the divorce?”

23/11/21 8:12:35

After a lifetime of hard work he's urned it.

16/11/21 8:01:24

A prize to die for

16/11/21 8:00:13

clever

"Listen, I hear you mounted my cousin in your dining room! Now it's pay back time!"

13/11/21 20:00:49

The police line-up was going fine until one of them squealed.

27/10/21 19:24:17

Sue was so glad this one was nearly finished, her knees were getting really sore.

25/10/21 19:01:02

"Can you tell me how many lives you have left?"

"Nein."

22/10/21 19:00:34

clever

Comic relief

12/10/21 7:25:34

"It's a dangerous mission but we need one volunteer to cross the road..."

24/09/21 11:00:30

Apparently he gets through 2 packs a day.

23/09/21 11:00:07

"...and no funny business"

13/09/21 7:05:29

creative

"Get another one. How are we going to play badminton with that?"

06/09/21 7:41:27

"I've tried explaining how it works to my patients, but basically it goes in one ear and out the other"

03/09/21 7:19:05

clever

An Ariel view.

24/08/21 7:00:37

"Where are your parents?"

"I got twenty quid for them half an hour ago".

13/08/21 14:02:51

clever

🎵 Ground control to minor Tom 🎵

12/08/21 11:06:47

Water Canon

07/07/21 11:22:43