super vote: ( left this week)
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"It's a dangerous mission but we need one volunteer to cross the road..."
24/09/21 11:00:30
Apparently he gets through 2 packs a day.
23/09/21 11:00:07
"...and no funny business"
13/09/21 7:05:29
"Get another one. How are we going to play badminton with that?"
06/09/21 7:41:27
"I've tried explaining how it works to my patients, but basically it goes in one ear and out the other"
03/09/21 7:19:05
An Ariel view.
24/08/21 7:00:37
"Where are your parents?""I got twenty quid for them half an hour ago".
13/08/21 14:02:51
🎵 Ground control to minor Tom 🎵
12/08/21 11:06:47
Water Canon
07/07/21 11:22:43
Is this some kind of quorny joke?
03/07/21 7:18:55
"I'm in the grand prix officer.""Typical trying to play the race card."
29/06/21 19:07:11
"When the sea reaches us it's going to be cold on our bollocks?""You've got bollocks?"
27/06/21 19:03:46
Sound asleep
26/06/21 7:19:37
"I don't think Nan has much confidence in your crossbow skills "
23/06/21 11:10:23
Bill Rockwell fined by authorities for graffitiing.
21/06/21 7:10:45
"I was bloody relieved the other day. I thought she was pregnant but it turned out that I was just sat on her legs"
18/06/21 7:38:43
Stinking rich.
05/06/21 7:16:15
He's having difficulty logging out.
03/06/21 11:02:50
''There's something wrong with the clutch.''
26/05/21 19:09:48
"Dave, just give me back the salmon and we'll say no more about it"
23/05/21 7:41:39
Either way it was going to be a Grizzly end.
23/05/21 7:38:23
"Gary, there's a time and a place to get an erection, and it's not when we're trying to hold up a collapsed ceiling."
14/05/21 7:00:16
Braille replacement service
12/05/21 11:01:31
Ok everyone, come and get your grub!
12/05/21 7:33:55
"I always knew we'd wind up together."
10/05/21 11:53:18
Looks like they're about to tie the knot.
10/05/21 11:01:06
Nice bike - looks like the Dulux version!
09/05/21 11:00:09
Hen lay on Thames
05/05/21 11:28:30
Snakes and Bladders
05/05/21 7:00:06
"Mum, have you been putting my steroid powder down to kill the ants again?"
30/04/21 7:07:53
Nothing like that first pee after hibernation.
27/04/21 19:49:07
To Kill a Mocking Bird
20/04/21 11:58:07
Giza kiss.
20/04/21 7:08:13
Meet Dave and Larry. The owners of the world's most efficient Coving and Skirting board cleaning company.
18/04/21 11:47:00
Garden swing
12/04/21 11:00:17
Frosty the Showman
06/04/21 7:11:29
"Damn, I wish I used a frying pan instead of nutting him."
04/04/21 11:53:36
At age 91, Jeff Bezos, founder of Amazon, takes a nostaligic stroll down London's Oxford street.
29/03/21 11:24:04
"I'll give gran a ring later and see if she got that dodgy underfloor wiring fixed."
25/03/21 8:03:15
I love cooking with Basil.
24/03/21 12:00:06
The original food bank was just firing peas to poor people.
14/03/21 12:00:07
God, it was bloody hard work being one of Picasso's models.
11/03/21 20:15:21
"If you were 'at your desk all morning', Mildred, how do explain this battered courgette next to an open copy of Lady Chatterley's Lover?"
12/02/21 12:00:37
Rye smile
04/02/21 8:00:06
"Shit..."Brian was alarmed after reading the script for Fatal Attraction.
22/01/21 12:33:21
''I should keep two metres away from her. She may be a carrier pigeon.''
17/01/21 9:05:07
Paul was beginning to regret buying the world's heaviest earring.
08/01/21 12:34:53
"Hang in there, Mr Atlas, sir! We'll have you out in no time!"
02/01/21 8:34:51
Mary was the shame of her Glaswegian family. Nine years old and still couldn't manage half a bottle of vodka.
29/12/20 14:09:18
"Quick! Straighten the sign!"
14/12/20 8:05:11
"I bless you in the name of the father, the son and the holey ball with a bell in that smells of catnip."
30/11/20 8:00:48
Barbie hasn't changed much in the last 60 years. Ken on the other hand ...
24/11/20 8:17:40
Billy Idle
20/11/20 20:36:54
Four Men and a Baby
18/11/20 12:00:08
They think it's all over.. It is now.
26/10/20 20:03:22
Synchronised swarming
18/10/20 7:45:30
Of no fixed abode
13/10/20 11:12:25
"Yes sir, I assure you our new sex-doll packaging is very discrete."
06/10/20 19:37:49
''Shit! It's frozen.''
02/10/20 7:12:13
"I'm sorry I'm late. I hit every traffic light on the way here".
17/09/20 19:03:54
Sex on the beech
15/09/20 19:11:59
Bird of pray
14/09/20 11:01:23
Always buy your catnip from a trusted source.
08/09/20 13:23:56
News in today - the army is running out of thick jumpers.
30/08/20 7:03:27
"Watch out lads, they've just installed an electric fence."
26/08/20 13:08:07
"It might look cute, but the "African Pygmy Piranha Dog' just takes 30 seconds to take down and skin an adult zebra.."
21/08/20 11:09:41
BREAKING NEWS: Shergar found at Chester Zoo. He had me fooled claims zebra keeper.
17/08/20 19:23:38
Mary had a little lambIt ran into a pylon10,000 volts shot up its arse And turned its wool to nylon
17/08/20 7:54:46
The next day he received a John Deere letter.
30/07/20 11:14:48
She scrubs up well.
25/07/20 11:01:16
"Would you do us a favour and fetch my stick?"
20/07/20 7:25:19
🎵 Don't Stand So Close To Me 🎵
06/07/20 7:34:47
"I can't wait till the beauty salons open again""You and me both honey"
18/06/20 12:14:10
"You bought them cheap from a mate of yours at the cricket club, what's that awful musty smell?"
24/05/20 11:22:07
Dave had never delivered puppies before.
11/05/20 11:46:23
Mick McManus was getting sick of the jokers vandalising his storefront.
22/04/20 20:41:12
"Get your r's over here and correct that sign."
17/04/20 11:20:30
Copulation: 100,043
16/04/20 19:03:38
Just when you thought it was safe to go back in the garden...
10/04/20 7:03:53
"More hop, less scotch."
09/04/20 8:34:32
''This isn't fair. We agreed to start the battle this afternoon.''''Too bad, Ethelred.''
05/04/20 8:05:50
Let's hope they don't start making advent calendars...
04/04/20 19:03:05
Scooby diving
03/04/20 19:00:09
Baste on a true story.
02/04/20 19:09:44
Dear Mr Rockwell. We have received your stool sample and we think it would be a good idea for you to pop into the surgery to have a quick chat.
01/04/20 19:01:20
Gas lamp
30/03/20 7:00:12
"I'm just off out clubbing now, mum!"
13/03/20 20:02:58
In Glasgow a ray of sunshine breaks through the dense cloud blanket, completely startling a local Glaswegian.
04/03/20 21:23:11
"MUM! I'M 26 YEARS OLD,WHEN WILL YOU LEARN TO KNOCK?!!"
28/02/20 20:00:06
"Darling, how many times have I told you not to put your dolls' clothes on the tortoise?"
23/02/20 12:13:48
Pissed in the bath? Don't worry, we all have...
17/02/20 21:25:05
The frog version of Basic Instinct was a little weird.
17/02/20 12:03:52
"She can't sing but when the wind is in the right direction she's a damned good whistler."
15/02/20 9:52:36
Roll Models
20/01/20 20:00:04
January at the Jobcentre.
30/12/19 16:56:53
The clitoris fancy dress party was poorly attended as hardly anyone could find it.
21/12/19 13:31:38
Yep, you're right she's not wearing any knickers!
21/12/19 10:04:38
Due to a missing letter,the company must nowtry to sell 1000 boxesof Kellogg's All-Bra.
15/12/19 8:00:12
Jesus Christ, is that the time?
14/12/19 8:00:08
Dave didnt mind being fired out of a cannon. but the three mile walk back was always a pain.
07/12/19 10:54:43
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