Mark Wilson

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caption votes given since joining: 2,524
comment quota: 3
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lol x4 clever x3 19/07/20 12:36:41		17 33
Wow, I'm only on the bloody winners board!! Thanks to all who made this possible and your kind comments. There are some great captions on that board.... and then there's mine. --Mark Wilson

lol x2 clever 18/12/20 9:44:36		25 28
An alarmingly good caption. Well done, Mark --Vivvy En
	lol x2 creative x2 All these animals on Noahs Ark and I'm the only one who feels seasick 12/02/20 20:11:57	3 26
Sorry Mark, missed voting by an inch. Great observational caption. --James Lennox
	lol x2 creative clever Choking giraffe saved by Heimlich maneuver 26/02/23 21:17:31	22

	lol clever Was a bugger to wrap so I'm never buying anyone a hovercraft for Christmas again 29/12/21 20:20:13	2 22
Whatever floats your boat. --John Glover
	lol "I told you Mum's wheelchair was too wide" 28/11/22 8:43:30	20

	lol x3 Excellent, I give this product 5 star rating - Susan from Bristol Q... Has your bottom got softer,looks or feels better due to the Enriched Vitamin E - Dave from London A... What a great question Dave, I honestly think it has - Susan from Bristol Q... Got any photo's? - Dave from London A... *uck off you pervert - Susan from Bristol 20/03/21 9:41:32	20

	Hello Autoglass, I've got a chip in my windscreen 24/05/21 12:07:00	1 19
You'd never know there's a worldwide chip shortage. --Willie Johnson
	creative Just leave it No, I'm getting that pound coin out of that supermarket trolley 09/04/21 13:27:51	1 19
2 Lidl ducks...22. --Troompa Loompa
	"And 8 months later the Grand Designs team are back to see how the project is progressing" 19/03/22 12:27:52	18

	lol x2 "I can't wait till the beauty salons open again" "You and me both honey" 18/06/20 13:14:10	1 18
Are you having a laugh? --Morgan .
	Toast... testing smoke alarms since 1961 21/07/20 13:54:05	17

	lol creative "Follow me it's the quickest way to the beach" 12/06/23 20:51:57	1 16
Particularly if you live in Southern Water's catchment area. --Molly R
	lol I don't fancy their chances of making it across the English Channel in that. 12/06/21 8:25:59	16

	That's him Dad, he's the frog that threatened me 30/04/21 12:07:57	1 16
"It's alright son, that scorpion's already sorted him out" --Glyn Evans
	lol Tina had just been run over by a car, but just when she thought her day couldn't get any worse.. 12/04/21 8:12:07	16

	lol x2 "Not gonna lie it was hard work getting up that waterfall" 05/09/20 14:06:04	16

	lol Tony was later banned from these urinals 12/09/21 12:02:33	1 15
He knew something was up when they said "urinal lot of trouble". --Willie Johnson
	"Shit, I've dislocated my shoulder" 10/09/21 13:04:40	15

	Shutter Island 07/07/21 12:14:31	15

	" You gonna tell her she's not allowed on the sofa" 16/01/21 12:19:02	15

	"Can't believe the girls started the beach volleyball without me" 27/05/20 9:00:18	15

	lol This is your captain speaking, just a bit of turbulence, nothing to worry about 28/02/20 20:12:10	15

	"Excuse me, could your child stop blowing those dandelions now" 11/11/21 8:29:24	14

	lol "Come on big boy I want you now!" "Having a bit of trouble swallowing the Viagra pill" 20/08/21 20:03:37	14

	7,8,9,10 ... Coming ready or not 18/08/20 13:10:48	14

	lol " It's me, open the door" 06/08/20 9:49:41	14

	lol " We're behind schedule, you'll have to carry on working through your lunch" 18/07/20 12:14:45	14

	Gutter press 03/03/20 8:05:26	14

	clever Whoever did this deserves a S L A P 05/02/20 21:48:30	14

	Eating chocolate coins with the wrappers still on hurts a bit, but your poo looks fantastic. 22/01/20 20:33:52	1 14
Faeces of eight --Mr Dome
	"Did you forget to tell that couple in room 11 about the fire alarm test?" 15/10/22 12:36:26	13

	"Only the one life then... unlucky" 06/03/22 20:50:26	13

	"Just saying I'm a miner, Dad's miner, Grandad twas miner, our sisters a miner and then there's you.. a geography teacher" 19/02/22 15:39:45	13

	"I'm really considering going back to being a man again" "But why?" "I'd be on £2 more an hour" 03/02/22 21:54:21	2 13
Gender biased wages are a myth. The reality is men just go for higher paying jobs like CEO, doctor, or engineer, whereas women tend to go for lower paying jobs like female CEO, female doctor, or female engineer. --James Lennox
	I'm sure we've been past that building 4 times now, thought Ann 01/11/21 8:20:46	3 13
She'd seen that erection before. --James Lennox
	creative A skunkoodle, so that's a cross between a poodle and a .... argh my eyes! 03/08/21 20:50:48	13

	"I wanted to win the goldfish" 20/07/21 8:16:21	13

	lol Mum, what's a tit wank? 10/05/21 21:26:04	13

	The tree surgeons aftercare service was a nice touch 14/07/20 13:19:24	4 13
Nod to Mr Dome is the least I can do. My caption is too close to yours for my liking, would normally have deleted it if seen. Thanks for pointing this out Mr Bean --Mark Wilson
	My fault, I did asked for a short back and sides 22/04/20 8:15:11	13

	Mr Kipling reveals how he copes with his mental health issues during lockdown 20/04/20 10:35:21	13

	lol Finally photographic proof that Man Flu is worse than giving birth 15/11/21 14:16:48	1 12
I had Man Flu when our second daughter was born, and the midwife spent more time looking after me than my wife. Yeah, I'm never going to be allowed to forget it either. --James Lennox
	Is it just me or are these Pot Noodle sauce sachets getting harder to open? 29/09/21 8:06:57	1 12
It takes practise and patience. You can even do a degree at University involving the science of opening Pot Noodle sachets --Glyn Evans
	clever "Pity the visibility is bad, probably didn't miss anything anyway" 21/09/21 15:24:53	12

	He died of a brain tuba 24/03/21 20:25:45	12

	lol Oh shit perhaps I am left handed after all 08/03/21 16:20:34	12

	"What's the plan if this all kicks off Sarge" "Taser the kid" 12/01/21 9:46:59	12

	"I didn't join the police to stand here, I joined to book motorists doing 31 in a 30 zone" 29/08/20 20:46:41	12

	It was a bit of a struggle but we finally got the sofa in through the doorway 18/08/20 10:06:37	12

	" Bloody seagulls, move your boat out of the way" 15/08/20 12:26:40	12

	Wow that was one extreme game of paintballing 30/07/20 9:35:51	12

	I'm not signing up for the office carpooling scheme again 20/04/20 20:57:37	12

	lol Not saying everyone's getting bored by the lockdown but the dog's just washed the dishes again. 14/04/20 16:47:33	12

	lol For those of you watching on a black and white tv the red thingy is eating the blue and yellow sunglasses wearing thingy 01/04/20 21:30:27	12

	Who are all these people spending all day on the shitter eating pasta? 22/03/20 15:02:26	12

	4 years on telesales and I've sold something 28/02/20 20:08:51	12

	Jerry was over excited for his first sleep over 10/02/20 23:37:06	12

	I just can't get this tune out of my head. 28/01/20 8:08:01	12

	🎵 If you look closer, it's easy to trace The tracks of my deers 🎵 14/01/20 21:12:01	1 12
Nice. --Scrijjy Doo
	lol "Don't make it obvious but those girls are definitely looking over at us" 01/05/23 11:54:40	11

	“what happens in Isle of Man, stays in Isle of Man” 24/05/22 21:26:13	1 11

	In the 1980s this episode of Dr Who would have had us hiding behind the sofa 25/12/21 22:29:31	11

	So the Guinness book record is 2753,currently you're on 51 Dave 20/12/21 21:15:39	11

	"It's your own fault, how many times have I warned you about rolling round in Fox poo, Dave" 18/11/21 9:30:47	11

	"Play it cool, when the officer asks for your licence say your human ate it" 31/07/21 9:45:26	11

	"For the last bloody time there is no plane" 26/06/21 20:36:08	11

	lol I'm so sorry Laura, I was really nervous for our first date and my hands were a bit sweaty 01/05/21 21:05:16	11

	"I don't no how they managed to flush him down the toilet" 01/04/21 12:11:05	2 11
Thanks Karen --Mark Wilson
	" Just can't keep it in your trousers can you... can't believe we're now banned from the donut stand" 12/02/21 22:25:03	11

	creative "Don't forget the winner of this bout meets the winner of the Blueberry verses Woodlice fight, which is also live on Channel 5 13/08/20 2:21:13	11

	"What's happened to your hand Dave"? "See that dog sitting perfectly still, I thought he was one of those charity boxes and tried to post 50p into his head" 30/07/20 20:33:19	11

	"Ha ha, I've got two left feet" "Ha ha, that's nothing I'm an escaped mental patient" 26/05/20 17:06:34	11

	I'm not liking the look on that chicken now it's defrosted 17/03/20 17:57:45	11

	I just can't see any demand for knitted skeletons, so for that reason I'm out. 11/01/20 9:28:38	1 11
Shark Tank reference by any chance? --Willie Johnson
	clever Donna's psychiatrist was expecting a bad session 08/04/23 20:53:47	10

	"Took me two hours to get down that mountain and then you only lasted 30 seconds!" 30/01/22 14:20:40	10

	There goes my Lego collection 02/01/22 13:19:24	10

	"Look kid a word of advice, never ever turn your back on Snowy" 07/11/21 13:55:28	10

	These vending machines are getting ridiculous, I only wanted a coffee 06/07/21 20:17:36	11 10
I thought it might be ascii but didn't want to look it up. It's been a real long time since I did anything like that. --Willie Johnson
	I got it at a car boot sale 30/05/21 11:26:48	10

	lol "Unfortunately Ms Stag you've not passed your driving test on this occasion" 05/04/21 22:10:35	10

	Social services were called immediately after the mother and son dance had finished 22/10/20 8:49:45	10

	FOR SALE BMW, one couldn't careless owner 05/08/20 8:51:12	10

	"Well I'm fucked if I know" said David Attenborough 04/06/20 23:34:47	10

	Just do fk all till that wildlife film crew ps off 08/02/20 21:40:56	10

	lol "I can see the head!" 17/08/23 21:07:59	2 9

	"Correction to the 1st race result, the winner was number 9 and not number 6" 11/04/23 17:56:40	9

	That's the 3rd knitted car she's owned, I'm starting to think there's a pattern 09/03/22 19:04:03	9

	Unbelievable, she's spilt all gravy over her tit now, I can't take her anywhere 19/12/21 13:06:07	9

	"Where did you find this getaway driver again?" 08/09/21 13:11:30	9

	India has a bobsleigh team 12/06/21 8:42:33	9

	"About time you two woke up, have I got to do everything for myself?" 14/03/21 9:05:28	9

	creative Little did they know they'd be the 2 favourite rubber face masks used by bank robbers 19/01/21 22:19:46	9

	"He died doing what he loved" 15/08/20 9:21:26	9

	Meanwhile on Britain's beaches 14/07/20 1:25:27	9

	Shit I forgot i told him to "stay" hours ago 30/06/20 9:48:45	9

	Officer Malone, a 20 year police veteran said it was the worst thing he'd ever witnessed in that fridge .... 4 Pineapple low fat yogurts 29/06/20 20:44:20	9

	Nobody knew why Alison was naked as her job was just to move scenery inbetween acts 25/06/20 20:44:24	9

	Don't worry they've been given guide dogs 04/06/20 8:59:18	9

more captions

last comments (total: 155)

James, that's hilarious 😂. I'm going to use that joke.

Crunchy Chords

05/02/22
12:02am

comment on caption:
"I'm really considering going back to being a man again"

"But why?"

"I'd be on £2 more an hour" [Mark Wilson]

''gotten'' - You must be joking - This implies that at one stage in her career she could act.

[anon]

08/02/22
8:48am

comment on caption:
Admittedly Jennifer Aniston has aged well but her acting has gotten wooden [Mark Wilson]

What if "gotten wooden" was an improvement?

Willie Johnson

08/02/22
10:38pm

comment on caption:
Admittedly Jennifer Aniston has aged well but her acting has gotten wooden [Mark Wilson]

You should never worry our bollocks, especially ones that are "just talking".

[anon]

21/02/22
4:00pm

comment on caption:
"I'm sure I can hear voices coming from inside the balloon"

"Don't worry their just talking bollocks" [Mark Wilson]

Lol. No, it doesn't, and it doesn't have to either.

Oops, too late!

Glyn Evans

26/05/22
9:35am

comment on caption:
“what happens in Isle of Man, stays in Isle of Man” [Mark Wilson]

"If you're going to listen to your Mum all the time, maybe you should have married her instead? - I'm sure you'd make a happy couple nit picking everything together as you do all the time"

Glyn Evans

30/04/23
9:49am

comment on caption:
"I'm lovin it"

"Who the hell are you calling 'IT' only been married half hour, Mother was right about you" [Mark Wilson]

Dave replied "Shut up, I'm not boring. Anyway, I'll have plenty of mates, you'll see. Now do your job furry baby, it's why I bought you to act as a talking point and draw them in"

Glyn Evans

15/05/23
8:15pm