lol x2 creative x2

All these animals on Noahs Ark and I'm the only one who feels seasick

12/02/20 20:11:57

lol x2

"I can't wait till the beauty salons open again"

"You and me both honey"

18/06/20 13:14:10

"Can't believe the girls started the beach volleyball without me"

27/05/20 9:00:18

lol

This is your captain speaking, just a bit of turbulence, nothing to worry about

28/02/20 20:12:10

Gutter press

03/03/20 8:05:26

clever

Whoever did this deserves a

S
L
A
P

05/02/20 21:48:30

Eating chocolate coins with the wrappers still on hurts a bit, but your poo looks fantastic.

22/01/20 20:33:52

My fault, I did asked for a short back and sides

22/04/20 8:15:11

Mr Kipling reveals how he copes with his mental health issues during lockdown

20/04/20 10:35:21

I'm not signing up for the office carpooling scheme again

20/04/20 20:57:37

lol

Not saying everyone's getting bored by the lockdown but the dog's just washed the dishes again.

14/04/20 16:47:33

lol

For those of you watching on a black and white tv the red thingy is eating the blue and yellow sunglasses wearing thingy

01/04/20 21:30:27

Who are all these people spending all day on the shitter eating pasta?

22/03/20 15:02:26

4 years on telesales and I've sold something

28/02/20 20:08:51

Jerry was over excited for his first sleep over

10/02/20 23:37:06

I just can't get this tune out of my head.

28/01/20 8:08:01

🎵 If you look closer, it's easy to trace The tracks of my deers 🎵

14/01/20 21:12:01

"Ha ha, I've got two left feet"

"Ha ha, that's nothing I'm an escaped mental patient"

26/05/20 17:06:34

I'm not liking the look on that chicken now it's defrosted

17/03/20 17:57:45

I just can't see any demand for knitted skeletons, so for that reason I'm out.

11/01/20 9:28:38

"Well I'm fucked if I know" said David Attenborough

04/06/20 23:34:47

Just do f**k all till that wildlife film crew p**s off

08/02/20 21:40:56

Shit I forgot i told him to "stay" hours ago

Tue 9:48:45

Officer Malone, a 20 year police veteran said it was the worst thing he'd ever witnessed in that fridge .... 4 Pineapple low fat yogurts

Mon 20:44:20

Nobody knew why Alison was naked as her job was just to move scenery inbetween acts

25/06/20 20:44:24

Don't worry they've been given guide dogs

04/06/20 8:59:18

Elton John's taking these hair transplants too far now

25/05/20 22:03:00

" This is amazing, I can't believe the atmosphere here and we're not too far from the front now"

"Yeah but do we really need anything from B&Q "

05/05/20 9:58:37

What virus? We're wearing Stella McCartney's spring catwalk collection

15/03/20 8:31:40

Lift out of order again so I'm gonna sleep in the car.

20/01/20 12:06:04

Kids going back to school... slowly

18/06/20 0:07:46

Bonio, Bonio, wherefore art thou Bonio?

17/06/20 16:59:25

lol

🎵The wheels on the Bush go round and round🎵

15/06/20 21:26:06

So i have 9 lives and you have 1 life and thats why you better not piss me off, do I make myself clear

09/06/20 9:27:39

Hi I've been laid off by British airways so I'd like to volunteer to be a ventilator.

29/03/20 18:41:53

Dont stare at the hand, don't stare at the hand, change the subject ... i won a teddy on one of those grab machines last week

25/03/20 19:22:10

lol

Enjoy my laxative laced cone Mr Gull and to all you laughing back there get ready to run!!

12/03/20 9:05:08

lol

Not funny, Funny Bean, hurry and take the bloody photo, my wings are killing me.

31/01/20 8:55:24

I buy Vaseline and cucumbers together so the cashier doesn't think I'm some sort of weirdo, like a vegan!

28/01/20 9:02:01

No,I don't think it's been a weird 1st date just too tired to come in for a coffee, so if you'd just untie me I'll be on my way

10/12/19 13:33:52

clever

Dave and Sue were an exact match on the dating site. Dave liked long walks and Sue was a lazy cow

Sun 12:13:03

What's not to like... cooks,cracking body and can still get you a beer if you've mislaid the bottle opener

22/06/20 16:47:16

Argos back open again i see

12/06/20 20:01:26

Sitting
Sitting,waiting
Sitting,waiting,patiently
Sitting,waiting,patiently,planning

The total annihilation of the 1st poor unfortunate car to enter the monkey enclosure when the safari park eventually opens again

11/06/20 18:27:26

This game needs spicing up... send on the woodworm

23/05/20 12:35:14

Dave had a fear of water but never let it stop him living life to the full

13/05/20 9:19:54

🎵Scaramouche, Scaramouche, will you do the Fandango?
Thunderbolt and lightning,
Very, very frightening me.
(Galileo) Galileo.
(Galileo) Galileo,
Galileo Figaro
Magnifico-o-o-o-o.🎵

15/04/20 22:18:05

clever

Oh so it was a phone in your pocket and you weren't pleased to see me

19/02/20 19:44:16

Nope, still can't find it..

05/02/20 8:44:54

I've been on the cabbage diet for 2 weeks and haven't had any noticeable side effects

06/01/20 21:41:18

Mum, Dad bet you can't see me now as I'm camelflaged

Sat 23:54:29

"Yeah just post the photo and then get me down"

09/06/20 20:46:44

How's she got the nice shoes whem i'm the one doing all the walking?

11/04/20 9:40:02

Beginners tight rope classes were proving difficult for some

09/04/20 15:22:47

" Well I'm not apologising either "

08/02/20 20:43:12

Can't wait till I hit puberty age so my balls drop. They look ridiculous on my face.

04/02/20 8:29:05

WWW.CRAPBADGES.COM

30/01/20 20:17:47

Origami's not for everyone

28/01/20 22:23:59

New red light district rules degrading say workers.

12/01/20 11:27:55

Wow Dale Winton was right, once you go orange faced nobody notices you playing with your penis

09/12/19 9:52:56

Jesus, how dare you rise from the dead on Easter. Everyone knows it's rabbits and chocolate eggs day

25/06/20 20:47:25

You might want to keep hold of me tight as I wasn't finished pooing when you called me for yet another cute social media video

29/05/20 9:54:22

"You sure dancing like this works with the ladies"

" Yeah I seen it on the Inbetweeners movie"

26/05/20 16:01:40

Well I was 2 metres away until I got all aroused

25/05/20 16:04:45

I can't use chopsticks either ladies

23/05/20 12:30:38

Had an accident that wasn't your fault?

19/05/20 20:05:17

See it works, nobody's looking at that spot on my cheek anymore

16/05/20 11:50:03

Beauty spots use new tactics to keep people away during lockdown

18/04/20 10:20:45

Those socks with shorts, noooooo

17/04/20 21:23:04

I'm not complaining as the sex is amazing but he needs help with his morning breath

09/04/20 21:38:08

Feline version of David Attenborough not impressed with the human mating ritual

22/03/20 21:50:28

Please God put the Premier league football back on soon

15/03/20 22:22:50

These beer goggles are broken

04/03/20 18:38:02

Yes I'll help you look for your wank sock

27/02/20 13:16:06

Gulliver something or other... just hit the vote button!!

26/02/20 20:55:56

" Mum I'm 32 you don't have to baby me.. shit I've forgotten to get dressed".

10/02/20 23:19:06

"You sure it's a greyhound Dave"?
"Yeah why"?
"cos he's eaten dogs 3 and 5.

05/02/20 15:37:47

When I said Whoa! hold your horses that's not what I meant Dave.

01/02/20 13:30:35

Street Boys Bringing in Politicians
Must Pay For Room In Advance.
(Politicians can claim back on expenses)

29/01/20 22:41:27

How hard are people throwing coins into this wishing well.

22/01/20 20:23:00

Release the bulls.

22/01/20 8:49:56

The ace of shades

04/01/20 14:41:25

Im not moving until you do that loaves and fishes thing mate

24/12/19 20:20:07

Quentin Tarantino tries to jump on the Marvel films success by targeting a younger audience for reservoir dogs II

10/12/19 9:35:51

Elvis has left the building

Sat 13:26:40

My wife has the same crush hazard sticker on her arse just incase she rolls over in bed at night

26/06/20 20:17:22

Unfortunately I've never watched any of the Kill Bill films so cannot submit a caption!

18/06/20 20:27:16

Ahh, I missed Eurovision this year

13/06/20 20:57:24

"I tried to tell you I was afraid of the dark"

10/06/20 19:31:32

Susan was just putting the finishing touches to Dave's testicles,that nudists camp fancy dress 1st prize was gonna be hers she thought

09/06/20 9:18:39

Open Sesame

30/05/20 12:13:41

"Hello yes I'd like to report a fault with my phone, it sounds like two random guys are talking over my shoulder in my ear all the time"

08/05/20 9:06:01

Andy was confused on how the stripper was going to jump out of that cake

20/04/20 10:40:26

Who was at the door?

It was that Greta girl begging for any spare plastic as she has none

16/04/20 8:55:20

Self isolate doesn't improve your man's DIY skills. If he was shit before he's probably still shit now.

30/03/20 22:54:34

How to get in touch with your inner self

27/03/20 9:57:54

The Von Trapp family, when will they realise nobody gives a shit

18/03/20 0:09:16

And this is exactly why ETSY is shit

12/03/20 21:12:08

She's so full of herself

07/03/20 15:03:50

Where about on the face did you get stung?

05/03/20 0:09:35

Can't believe he paid thirty quid ... I didn't see that coming!!

29/02/20 21:56:49

The jury were shown the last footage before that fateful high five

24/02/20 13:49:57

This new hair and beard trimmer is genius

16/02/20 20:13:05

"Not happy someone's stolen my chair, i'm not taking this sitting down".

16/02/20 13:14:00

Drunken friend + Permanent Marker = Good times

12/02/20 20:39:05

Nobody really likes vestibules, as a child my Mum had to mash them up for me to eat.

08/02/20 8:34:53

"Hands up cos this is a braid"

03/02/20 9:01:15

aaaah!! it's a spider.

01/02/20 18:36:40

Last time I pick up a parcel for you from the depot cos you were not home love.

31/01/20 20:43:01

You've had a stroke? My own fault for wearing these shorts I suppose.

30/01/20 12:44:37

I arm Groot.

13/01/20 20:12:22

Dave, you do know this Cillit Bang hob cleaner works better when the spray bottle nozzle is in the "on" position

Tue 14:02:03

It was supposed to be a "open house" viewing but the builders were well behind schedule

Mon 10:44:36

Women... can't live with them ... the end

13/06/20 20:55:41

"Your most embarrassing drunk tattoo?"

"Hedgehog shooting a crossbow at my penis"

" Mine's a seahorse being stared at by loads of eyes"

13/06/20 18:38:13

"Headmaster, are you all prepared for your school reopening today from lockdown"

"That was today?"

02/06/20 9:17:22

You found me. Your time to hide now

21/05/20 15:38:57

Politicians refuse to admit defence cuts are effecting military operations

11/05/20 12:35:27

" Behind ever great man there's a woman who thinks he's a cock"

08/05/20 21:16:08

"Dr Morgan, those voices in my head are back again"

08/05/20 9:07:36

Frank, Jim and Doug find a way round only having an hour out a day

06/05/20 17:02:23

Look love I don't give a shit what you can still do on your period with tampax ultra

30/04/20 22:56:52

Number 3 please read off the card ...

"Give me the fucking money"

16/04/20 23:50:13

The Pink Panther another icon's life destroyed by fame. From threesomes with Penelope Pitstop and Captain Caveman to a nightclub fight with Hong Kong Phoey read it all in his new tell all Autobiography.

15/04/20 22:30:32

Who said farmers can't find love

09/04/20 21:33:23

You sure this is a luxury spa as they've not just taken our clothes but driven off in your car now

08/04/20 17:01:54

Derbyshire police covert Easter Egg surveillance team hard at work

02/04/20 10:08:51

I see Heather Small is still not moving on up.

26/03/20 21:56:15

Rita had used every excuse why they couldn't have sex but Steve wasn't falling for this one, and more to the point where did she get a baby from in the middle of the night?

20/03/20 8:14:47

Should see what she does with ping pong balls.

Chases them of course, you captioneers are sick minded.

13/03/20 13:49:56

Stop,stop,stop. It's quite simple, firstly it's the cat and the FIDDLE . Secondly the COW jumps over the moon.

10/03/20 16:17:25

Come on baby be brave, if we survive this we're through to the next round and that bottle of hand sanitiser gel Top Prize is ours.

06/03/20 13:03:52

Get a move on Steve, we need to get this all looking good as those Health & Safety people will be here any minute.

04/03/20 15:48:59

'Horsesprung durch technik' as they say in Germany

02/03/20 8:41:57

80's singer Toyah remarries, what she see in him? It's a mystery.

29/02/20 21:44:54

I'm seeing the name Gulliver and lots of super glue over and over and over again!!

29/02/20 21:28:45

Hemorrhoids are painful but due to the NHS trying to cut waiting lists we are now able to offer Euthanasia as an alternative to cream now Mable.

26/02/20 17:39:18

Good news and bad news Vera. Good news is tumour hasn't got any bigger so life expectancy is still 6 months, bad news is I was supposed to tell you that on your last appointment 5 months ago.

26/02/20 17:05:16

Let's use VAR to see if it makes this game more interesting

25/02/20 20:46:18

Fly hold on I'll save you, just gotta find your string

25/02/20 9:05:16

" Just look happy for the photographer then it's back in the kitchen for you"

21/02/20 13:47:55

How's the plumbing apprenticeship going Steve

20/02/20 19:37:13

🎵You got blood on your face, you big disgrace
Waving your sanctuary banner all over the place🎵

18/02/20 20:14:24

Someone's nicked my banjo

17/02/20 18:59:59

That awkward moment when you have an argument and storm off in the wrong direction

08/02/20 20:09:48

A red head, cock, dangley bits. My Thailand flashbacks have started again.

04/02/20 9:31:54

Old Chinese Proverb, pole dancer taking too many steroids end up with hole in ceiling.

03/02/20 12:38:07

Ok ive got the balloons but you sure Explosionsgefam is German for helium?

14/01/20 16:37:09

Snapchat filters make galleries fun.

13/01/20 9:52:29

Hibernation time Frosty. 1st day of January so it's Easter egg time. See you again in September.

11/01/20 12:28:08

Out of all the big cats Puma's were by far the easiest to track

25/12/19 8:54:29

Arse cam live footage

21/12/19 23:45:53

Naked woman dancing with giant jellyfish doesn't impress the queen on Royal Variety show

25/06/20 20:50:47

The Great Houdini had 2 minutes to make his escape, it was harder than it looks as he was wearing a corset under that dress

24/06/20 21:24:13

"Dad, when you said you'd make me a zip wire I was expecting something a bit faster"

23/06/20 15:40:58

"Congratulations to Battleship Boy, winning his 1st race by a... umm nose ... er short head ...

21/06/20 9:06:46

We each took turns guarding the wife's knickers. It wasn't the cost of replacing them but we were losing 12 pegs at a time

17/06/20 17:06:17

My old gymnastics coach had some weird training methods which i think he regrets now

16/06/20 9:42:02

It's fine Mum I don't want a story I'll go straight to sleep

12/06/20 23:10:18

Everyone apart from the 2nd officer are invited on the stag do

12/06/20 16:26:45

Vicars still making the most of churches not opening yet

02/06/20 9:13:20

Nope I've run all the samples and it's came up with the answer over and over again. It's yet another shit photo they've used on caption.me

31/05/20 1:07:43

"That's a big smile,you enjoying yourself"

"Yes Mum,I'm sat on the trunk of my Mr Snuffleupagus toy"

30/05/20 14:56:40

"I haven't seen a jockey for months now"

"Do you think they've got even shorter and we can't see them with the naked eye anymore?"

30/05/20 11:26:23

No wonder I've put so much weight on during this lockdown. Even these chicken nuggets are looking more appealing than normal

26/05/20 9:14:28

Ladyboys of Bangkok cancel all UK tour dates except Durham

25/05/20 12:47:03

Sod the lockdown hun I think your new look is amazing too. Go and socialise

16/05/20 11:48:02

OMG who puts a pepperami on a desert. Oh it's shit thank God for that

15/05/20 20:12:36

Game on

13/05/20 13:15:07

Dave and his wife's relationship was so bad that she didn't even notice he sent the dog to take his place when he really couldn't be arsed

09/05/20 17:13:48

Black man in the background...
" Well I'm fucked"

07/05/20 22:12:48

"Wow what a scary story, it's called The Sixth Sense and all about seeing the dead. Not the best book to read when you live by yourself"

03/05/20 10:15:13

"Oh look a comet" Dave tried his hardest not to look as John was still obviously suffering from his one dangley bollock syndrome

02/05/20 20:46:40

I've phoned the police, you shouldn't be here during lockdown

30/04/20 22:58:23

Police defend actions of stopping shoppers who panic buy. Unfortunately on this occasion even though she had a full months shop Posh Spice was under the 5 items or less.

23/04/20 9:03:23

Please Sir can i have some more!

21/04/20 21:06:26

We met on a dating site, I said i liked the strong silent type and we came up as a perfect match

21/04/20 9:00:04

Pimp my shit

20/04/20 10:32:56

Yeah well I'm pretty annoyed that Geoff Goldblum got all those other film roles and everyone knows I was the star of that film

18/04/20 20:09:57

Your threatening sign doesn't frighten me, vanish without a trace.. (5 minutes later)

Hello, hello very funny, how did I end up in this empty field and why am i all dressed in red?

18/04/20 17:14:34

I wear the trousers in this household even when I'm wearing a skirt

17/04/20 21:25:10

Twinned with Poontang in China
Bonking in USA
Quickie in United Kingdom

16/04/20 23:35:53

Traffic News : There's a big pile up on the M50

11/04/20 0:20:28

How many Mexican kids does it take to change a lightbulb? Just Juan

Nod to 12:04

06/04/20 21:29:40

Sword crime numbers rise in Olde London village

05/04/20 19:37:51

The Red Cheek gang were big on Health & Safety. In this picture Toby has forgotten his safety helmet.

05/04/20 13:22:29

Excuse me waiter, I didn't order this for dessert.
I know sir but we just realised the oysters in your main course were gone off.

04/04/20 10:35:33

It came as a massive surprise to Dave that he was the adopted child, but on reflection he always felt like the outsider in the family.

01/04/20 8:41:20

All things considered i was expecting Superman to be a lot better at bump starting a car

26/03/20 16:59:54

Sis have you seen my twee...
Mum, mum have you seen my tweezers

23/03/20 11:37:51

Excuse me have you got these in a size 8

21/03/20 16:05:15

Those Irish really don't want you to find that pot of gold do they

20/03/20 20:55:18

Say what you will but "spanking fit looking young ladies because they've been very very naughty" must be working as women's prisons are full of fat dykey looking fat lesbians.

19/03/20 9:03:42

Some professions work out better when your made to work from home

18/03/20 19:54:45

Not my fault love you bought me the fitbit and it's telling me I've done my walking for one day

15/03/20 19:35:48

5 second rule said a seagull never.

12/03/20 8:55:24

Ummm, that's not the stick I threw for you boy.

09/03/20 22:49:22

... and that's basically my life story.

06/03/20 8:13:07

" You just go about your normal day, honestly you won't know I'm here"

03/03/20 8:35:33

I'm sorry for getting your name wrong all the time, i don't know why I'm saying Huge instead of Hugh.

02/03/20 20:33:18