lol x2 creative x2

All these animals on Noahs Ark and I'm the only one who feels seasick

12/02/20 20:11:57

lol

This is your captain speaking, just a bit of turbulence, nothing to worry about

28/02/20 20:12:10

Gutter press

03/03/20 8:05:26

clever

Whoever did this deserves a

S
L
A
P

05/02/20 21:48:30

Eating chocolate coins with the wrappers still on hurts a bit, but your poo looks fantastic.

22/01/20 20:33:52

lol

For those of you watching on a black and white tv the red thingy is eating the blue and yellow sunglasses wearing thingy

Wed 21:30:27

Who are all these people spending all day on the shitter eating pasta?

22/03/20 15:02:26

4 years on telesales and I've sold something

28/02/20 20:08:51

Jerry was over excited for his first sleep over

10/02/20 23:37:06

I just can't get this tune out of my head.

28/01/20 8:08:01

🎵 If you look closer, it's easy to trace The tracks of my deers 🎵

14/01/20 21:12:01

I'm not liking the look on that chicken now it's defrosted

17/03/20 17:57:45

I just can't see any demand for knitted skeletons, so for that reason I'm out.

11/01/20 9:28:38

Just do f**k all till that wildlife film crew p**s off

08/02/20 21:40:56

What virus? We're wearing Stella McCartney's spring catwalk collection

15/03/20 8:31:40

Lift out of order again so I'm gonna sleep in the car.

20/01/20 12:06:04

Hi I've been laid off by British airways so I'd like to volunteer to be a ventilator.

29/03/20 18:41:53

Dont stare at the hand, don't stare at the hand, change the subject ... i won a teddy on one of those grab machines last week

25/03/20 19:22:10

lol

Enjoy my laxative laced cone Mr Gull and to all you laughing back there get ready to run!!

12/03/20 9:05:08

lol

Not funny, Funny Bean, hurry and take the bloody photo, my wings are killing me.

31/01/20 8:55:24

I buy Vaseline and cucumbers together so the cashier doesn't think I'm some sort of weirdo, like a vegan!

28/01/20 9:02:01

No,I don't think it's been a weird 1st date just too tired to come in for a coffee, so if you'd just untie me I'll be on my way

10/12/19 13:33:52

clever

Oh so it was a phone in your pocket and you weren't pleased to see me

19/02/20 19:44:16

Nope, still can't find it..

05/02/20 8:44:54

I've been on the cabbage diet for 2 weeks and haven't had any noticeable side effects

06/01/20 21:41:18

" Well I'm not apologising either "

08/02/20 20:43:12

Can't wait till I hit puberty age so my balls drop. They look ridiculous on my face.

04/02/20 8:29:05

WWW.CRAPBADGES.COM

30/01/20 20:17:47

Origami's not for everyone

28/01/20 22:23:59

New red light district rules degrading say workers.

12/01/20 11:27:55

Wow Dale Winton was right, once you go orange faced nobody notices you playing with your penis

09/12/19 9:52:56

Feline version of David Attenborough not impressed with the human mating ritual

22/03/20 21:50:28

Please God put the Premier league football back on soon

15/03/20 22:22:50

These beer goggles are broken

04/03/20 18:38:02

Yes I'll help you look for your wank sock

27/02/20 13:16:06

Gulliver something or other... just hit the vote button!!

26/02/20 20:55:56

" Mum I'm 32 you don't have to baby me.. shit I've forgotten to get dressed".

10/02/20 23:19:06

"You sure it's a greyhound Dave"?
"Yeah why"?
"cos he's eaten dogs 3 and 5.

05/02/20 15:37:47

When I said Whoa! hold your horses that's not what I meant Dave.

01/02/20 13:30:35

Street Boys Bringing in Politicians
Must Pay For Room In Advance.
(Politicians can claim back on expenses)

29/01/20 22:41:27

How hard are people throwing coins into this wishing well.

22/01/20 20:23:00

Release the bulls.

22/01/20 8:49:56

The ace of shades

04/01/20 14:41:25

Im not moving until you do that loaves and fishes thing mate

24/12/19 20:20:07

Quentin Tarantino tries to jump on the Marvel films success by targeting a younger audience for reservoir dogs II

10/12/19 9:35:51

Self isolate doesn't improve your man's DIY skills. If he was shit before he's probably still shit now.

30/03/20 22:54:34

How to get in touch with your inner self

27/03/20 9:57:54

The Von Trapp family, when will they realise nobody gives a shit

18/03/20 0:09:16

And this is exactly why ETSY is shit

12/03/20 21:12:08

She's so full of herself

07/03/20 15:03:50

Where about on the face did you get stung?

05/03/20 0:09:35

Can't believe he paid thirty quid ... I didn't see that coming!!

29/02/20 21:56:49

The jury were shown the last footage before that fateful high five

24/02/20 13:49:57

This new hair and beard trimmer is genius

16/02/20 20:13:05

"Not happy someone's stolen my chair, i'm not taking this sitting down".

16/02/20 13:14:00

Drunken friend + Permanent Marker = Good times

12/02/20 20:39:05

Nobody really likes vestibules, as a child my Mum had to mash them up for me to eat.

08/02/20 8:34:53

"Hands up cos this is a braid"

03/02/20 9:01:15

aaaah!! it's a spider.

01/02/20 18:36:40

Last time I pick up a parcel for you from the depot cos you were not home love.

31/01/20 20:43:01

You've had a stroke? My own fault for wearing these shorts I suppose.

30/01/20 12:44:37

I arm Groot.

13/01/20 20:12:22

Derbyshire police covert Easter Egg surveillance team hard at work

Thu 10:08:51

I see Heather Small is still not moving on up.

26/03/20 21:56:15

Rita had used every excuse why they couldn't have sex but Steve wasn't falling for this one, and more to the point where did she get a baby from in the middle of the night?

20/03/20 8:14:47

Should see what she does with ping pong balls.

Chases them of course, you captioneers are sick minded.

13/03/20 13:49:56

Stop,stop,stop. It's quite simple, firstly it's the cat and the FIDDLE . Secondly the COW jumps over the moon.

10/03/20 16:17:25

Come on baby be brave, if we survive this we're through to the next round and that bottle of hand sanitiser gel Top Prize is ours.

06/03/20 13:03:52

Get a move on Steve, we need to get this all looking good as those Health & Safety people will be here any minute.

04/03/20 15:48:59

'Horsesprung durch technik' as they say in Germany

02/03/20 8:41:57

80's singer Toyah remarries, what she see in him? It's a mystery.

29/02/20 21:44:54

I'm seeing the name Gulliver and lots of super glue over and over and over again!!

29/02/20 21:28:45

Hemorrhoids are painful but due to the NHS trying to cut waiting lists we are now able to offer Euthanasia as an alternative to cream now Mable.

26/02/20 17:39:18

Good news and bad news Vera. Good news is tumour hasn't got any bigger so life expectancy is still 6 months, bad news is I was supposed to tell you that on your last appointment 5 months ago.

26/02/20 17:05:16

Let's use VAR to see if it makes this game more interesting

25/02/20 20:46:18

Fly hold on I'll save you, just gotta find your string

25/02/20 9:05:16

" Just look happy for the photographer then it's back in the kitchen for you"

21/02/20 13:47:55

How's the plumbing apprenticeship going Steve

20/02/20 19:37:13

🎵You got blood on your face, you big disgrace
Waving your sanctuary banner all over the place🎵

18/02/20 20:14:24

Someone's nicked my banjo

17/02/20 18:59:59

That awkward moment when you have an argument and storm off in the wrong direction

08/02/20 20:09:48

A red head, cock, dangley bits. My Thailand flashbacks have started again.

04/02/20 9:31:54

Old Chinese Proverb, pole dancer taking too many steroids end up with hole in ceiling.

03/02/20 12:38:07

Ok ive got the balloons but you sure Explosionsgefam is German for helium?

14/01/20 16:37:09

Snapchat filters make galleries fun.

13/01/20 9:52:29

Hibernation time Frosty. 1st day of January so it's Easter egg time. See you again in September.

11/01/20 12:28:08

Out of all the big cats Puma's were by far the easiest to track

25/12/19 8:54:29

Arse cam live footage

21/12/19 23:45:53

Excuse me waiter, I didn't order this for dessert.
I know sir but we just realised the oysters in your main course were gone off.

Sat 10:35:33

It came as a massive surprise to Dave that he was the adopted child, but on reflection he always felt like the outsider in the family.

Wed 8:41:20

All things considered i was expecting Superman to be a lot better at bump starting a car

26/03/20 16:59:54

Sis have you seen my twee...
Mum, mum have you seen my tweezers

23/03/20 11:37:51

Excuse me have you got these in a size 8

21/03/20 16:05:15

Those Irish really don't want you to find that pot of gold do they

20/03/20 20:55:18

Say what you will but "spanking fit looking young ladies because they've been very very naughty" must be working as women's prisons are full of fat dykey looking fat lesbians.

19/03/20 9:03:42

Some professions work out better when your made to work from home

18/03/20 19:54:45

Not my fault love you bought me the fitbit and it's telling me I've done my walking for one day

15/03/20 19:35:48

5 second rule said a seagull never.

12/03/20 8:55:24

Ummm, that's not the stick I threw for you boy.

09/03/20 22:49:22

... and that's basically my life story.

06/03/20 8:13:07

" You just go about your normal day, honestly you won't know I'm here"

03/03/20 8:35:33

I'm sorry for getting your name wrong all the time, i don't know why I'm saying Huge instead of Hugh.

02/03/20 20:33:18

Someone's stolen my tongue

28/02/20 20:09:39

It may not be as glamorous but next to a toilet block just outside Wigan you will find Jeremy Kyle still doing his show.

28/02/20 18:06:46

I was just walking in the park when a giant octopus tried to grab me

27/02/20 20:53:20

Some of the best urine samples I've ever seen in my 15 years as a doctor Mrs Jones so I've displayed them in my office.

26/02/20 17:30:26

I don't care if it's Kiss Cam, you pucker up and my royal security team are shooting you.

26/02/20 16:48:40

I SAID NO GHERKIN!!

21/02/20 20:45:25

First step is admitting I have a problem, but I know i have, I'm ashamed to say I have really small hands

17/02/20 20:47:00

I know it's Valentine's day but there's no room in this romantic bath for me, you and the wine.

17/02/20 20:22:26

Which one's the Australian prime minister again?

15/02/20 0:24:48

Bloody Italians gotta spoil everything

12/02/20 20:14:21

If one more fly fishermen hits me I'm gonna kick off

11/02/20 19:25:35

Growing up we were poor so i had a lot of charity shop clothing. Unfortunately Kate Bush lived in the same village

09/02/20 23:27:16

This guess my favourite Quality Street game is hard

09/02/20 20:54:14

Purple rain dance

09/02/20 20:00:36

The early bird doesn't just get the worm, he gets the cold shoulder for the rest of the day from the bird who pressed snooze on his alarm call

08/02/20 21:39:27

Not bad Ronald, but Colonel Sanders was finger licking good.

02/02/20 22:14:53

See I was right, I told you the batteries had gone in the smoke alarm.

02/02/20 9:01:19

No love it wasn't a hand cob that I asked for.

01/02/20 21:50:12

"To Boldly Go Where No Man Has Gone Before..."
Wow Star Trek's changed.

28/01/20 21:32:02

I'm overweight? No shit Sherlock.

28/01/20 14:56:06

" If you could just make it out to Laura your biggest fan ever", Mr Knievel.

27/01/20 22:06:42

Just glad I called heads as nobody wants a bum on a stick

25/01/20 12:08:30

Junior, get down from there. You fall off and break both your legs, don't come running to me.

23/01/20 9:23:47

Since starring in the 1988 classic Die Hard movie " Nakatomi Plaza" has had 2 divorces and stints in and out of rehab.

20/01/20 15:10:31

If you look closely you can see exactly where I cracked my head open diving in the swallow end of the swimming pool.

14/01/20 16:03:23

Venue say fancy dress party booked but that's next week. Let's mingle and slip out when nobody's looking. Don't forget to give condolences to his widow though.

12/01/20 12:47:13

Recycled Jon Bon Jovi figures flying off the shelves

07/01/20 9:20:54

And with these diversion tactics the Vikings invaded Europe

06/01/20 15:57:36

For God's sake I hope it's a transformer

04/01/20 9:29:56

Romeo,Romeo,wherefore art thou Romeo ... well he's not in there!

03/01/20 22:15:27

I'll just tell Mrs Claus drunk and disorderly are new reindeer if she asks why i'm home later than normal

25/12/19 9:07:28

Easiest spot the difference competition I've ever seen

Sat 23:03:35

New exploding Amber traffic lights detectors for motorists deemed a success

Thu 16:08:02

My local multi storey car park has these guys offering car hand washes. That's just wrong on so many LEVELS.

Wed 13:40:10

The Russell family always carry a giant perspex screen with them to get those perfect uninterrupted holiday snaps.

Wed 8:35:19

YO!!

31/03/20 22:03:24

In this coronavirus lockdown Dave had to prove his hairdressing skills before his wife would trust him to do hers.

28/03/20 9:36:54

I shall call you Don King and you will chirp endlessly

28/03/20 9:34:01

Longleat open their pedestrian safari for teenagers who think their f***ing invincible

26/03/20 22:16:25

“Why couldn’t you just put the Bunny back in the royal box?”

23/03/20 21:24:33

First time I seen her smile

23/03/20 21:20:59

Your so much more involved with this pregnancy than with all the others.

Yeah well no football, Eastenders and the pubs are closed.

23/03/20 15:20:33

M in black

23/03/20 11:39:09

And there before her stood a ghostly figure...

Strum strum strum...

21/03/20 16:21:43

We come in peace

20/03/20 15:05:01

Little did she know but when Jane was asleep her husband Mark carried on with his foot fetish

20/03/20 8:06:02

Unless you lift me much higher we've got no chance of winning these lineouts

19/03/20 22:00:09

🎵 We are the cheeky girls 🎵

19/03/20 8:54:34

I'm Lumière...
No I'm Lumière
No i am Lumière!!!

18/03/20 8:53:07

Sod rubbing all these, who wants 3 wishes anycase

18/03/20 8:45:49

South Africa, All together now, except obviously the one ehticnic guy

17/03/20 23:57:24

Inbreeding... look normal.. but your not fooling anyone.

17/03/20 23:52:54

Every morning Kate would remember she urgently needed batteries for her nose trimmer

16/03/20 8:45:39

Please sir can i have some more

15/03/20 22:24:42

Some of the staff at Mothercare have taken redundancy harder than others.

14/03/20 13:41:38

So that dragged through a hedge backwards quote finally makes sense to me now

13/03/20 8:23:37

Butthole, one word ? or should it be spread like butt cheeks should

09/03/20 13:36:13

🎵 Oh your heads not connected to your neck bone🎵

08/03/20 17:12:34

I can't remember my driving instructor telling me what to do if this happened on my driving test

06/03/20 8:22:42

Tight lycra, thong and bumbag, the shopkeeper was worried. Exactly what type of 'adventures' was Mr Benn getting up to in that changing room?

05/03/20 8:19:08

Steve managed the full rotation on the dive but failed to land in the water

04/03/20 20:45:51

Mrs potato head

04/03/20 18:44:59

Nurse: So your the girlfriend of the guy who's having the vacuum cleaner removed from his genitals.

04/03/20 9:44:43

When airbags attack

04/03/20 8:05:23

Very impressive and nice to see someone getting the most out of their Fitbit

04/03/20 7:59:14

I can't stand drug cheating in sport, just look at these winning the pole vault competition.

02/03/20 9:17:49

Noooooo John, you've been online gaming in your bedroom for 10 years now. Don't go downstairs it's a trap!!

29/02/20 0:39:13

Your gonna have to start carrying Toby from now on as his puberty is digging in my back.

28/02/20 18:09:26

Shhh, you had me at ... let's fold.

27/02/20 15:22:00

Pilates?
No stupped my toe on a rock

25/02/20 14:30:04

Dave's snow angels were a bit shit, he says being in a wheelchair hinders him tho.

25/02/20 14:24:22

Something's gone wrong here, I'm trying to detonate the explosives on that block of flats and all I'm getting is " the number you have dialled has not been recognised".

19/02/20 18:10:21

My first AA meeting was a real eye opener

18/02/20 20:09:34

Wow, how bouncy is that trampoline if the kids cleared the safety net.

18/02/20 10:07:42

People are either glass half empty or glass half full, we're as I'm pissed and don't give a shit

17/02/20 23:09:51

I would give up wine, but i'm no quitter.

17/02/20 20:16:02

* Texting *
Tracie your arse is hanging out

17/02/20 18:58:42

Hello James, have you got a bed for the night, yeah she's thrown me out..

16/02/20 9:33:16

Dave was still frightened of speed humps

13/02/20 19:49:21

Dave felt pressured to join the cycle to work scheme, which now makes his daily bus journey to work a pain.

13/02/20 16:20:58

Your wasting your time Dave, swimming down to escape only works in the movies

13/02/20 10:25:47

"Does my bum look big in this bag"?

13/02/20 8:23:46

🎵You scumbag, you maggot
You cheap lousy faggot
Happy Christmas your arse
I pray God it's our last🎵

13/02/20 0:25:59

These value brand banana's just don't taste the same as my usual one's

11/02/20 20:15:06

Just been chucked out of Tastings for being tasteless

10/02/20 20:29:07

Wow and I thought a normal Lego piece hurt when you stood on it

10/02/20 14:24:50

Angry Ape.

By Alastair Stewart

09/02/20 12:13:11

Cones hunt in packs, the Volvo driver didn't stand a chance

09/02/20 10:26:17

"Look no hands"

08/02/20 21:50:22

Salmonella poisoning blamed for extinction in many species

08/02/20 14:26:23

They've given me the sack, dicking around all the time in work or something they said.

31/01/20 20:38:49

Been in toilet for an hour but couldn't make anything as good out of my logs.

30/01/20 10:11:46

Bad hair day, bet she'd give anything for it to "B Flat"

28/01/20 8:46:33

A film about an underdog swimmer that's given one chance of glory. Sylvester Stallone is ...
RockTree BowFlower.

26/01/20 9:19:20

All quiet now, but as soon as that Lesser Spotted Golden Tawny Billed Warbler Sparrow lands on the water a hundred twitchers will come running out of that bush!

25/01/20 11:54:08

Orange is the new black.

25/01/20 9:58:04

Cute pose, nice smile. It's a new postman and he's walking right into my trap.

24/01/20 22:23:58

🎵 What's that coming over the hill
Is it your sponsor? Is it your sponsor? 🎵

23/01/20 21:05:57