Mark Wilson

"Welcome to Farmyard FM, just gone 7AM and this is for all the turkeys, its Mariah Careys all I want for Christmas is you"

18/12/20 9:44:36

An alarmingly good caption. Well done, Mark --Vivvy En

All these animals on Noahs Ark and I'm the only one who feels seasick

creative x2

12/02/20 20:11:57

Sorry Mark, missed voting by an inch. Great observational caption. --James Lennox

lol x3

Excellent, I give this product 5 star rating - Susan from Bristol

Q... Has your bottom got softer,looks or feels better due to the Enriched Vitamin E - Dave from London

A... What a great question Dave, I honestly think it has - Susan from Bristol

Q... Got any photo's? - Dave from London

A... *uck off you pervert - Susan from Bristol

20/03/21 9:41:32

Hello Autoglass, I've got a chip in my windscreen

24/05/21 12:07:00

You'd never know there's a worldwide chip shortage. --Willie Johnson

Just leave it

No, I'm getting that pound coin out of that supermarket trolley

09/04/21 13:27:51

2 Lidl ducks...22. --Troompa Loompa

"I can't wait till the beauty salons open again"

"You and me both honey"

18/06/20 13:14:10

Are you having a laugh? --Morgan .

Toast... testing smoke alarms since 1961

21/07/20 13:54:05

I don't fancy their chances of making it across the English Channel in that.

12/06/21 8:25:59

That's him Dad, he's the frog that threatened me

30/04/21 12:07:57

"It's alright son, that scorpion's already sorted him out" --Glyn Evans

Tina had just been run over by a car, but just when she thought her day couldn't get any worse..

12/04/21 8:12:07

"Not gonna lie it was hard work getting up that waterfall"

05/09/20 14:06:04

Tony was later banned from these urinals

12/09/21 12:02:33

He knew something was up when they said "urinal lot of trouble". --Willie Johnson

"Shit, I've dislocated my shoulder"

10/09/21 13:04:40

Shutter Island

07/07/21 12:14:31

" You gonna tell her she's not allowed on the sofa"

16/01/21 12:19:02

"Can't believe the girls started the beach volleyball without me"

27/05/20 9:00:18

This is your captain speaking, just a bit of turbulence, nothing to worry about

28/02/20 20:12:10

"Come on big boy I want you now!"

"Having a bit of trouble swallowing the Viagra pill"

20/08/21 20:03:37

7,8,9,10 ... Coming ready or not

18/08/20 13:10:48

" It's me, open the door"

06/08/20 9:49:41

" We're behind schedule, you'll have to carry on working through your lunch"

18/07/20 12:14:45

Gutter press

03/03/20 8:05:26

Whoever did this deserves a

S
L
A
P

05/02/20 21:48:30

Eating chocolate coins with the wrappers still on hurts a bit, but your poo looks fantastic.

22/01/20 20:33:52

Faeces of eight --Mr Dome

A skunkoodle, so that's a cross between a poodle and a .... argh my eyes!

03/08/21 20:50:48

"I wanted to win the goldfish"

20/07/21 8:16:21

The tree surgeons aftercare service was a nice touch

Mum, what's a tit wank?

10/05/21 21:26:04

14/07/20 13:19:24

Nod to Mr Dome is the least I can do. My caption is too close to yours for my liking, would normally have deleted it if seen. Thanks for pointing this out Mr Bean --Mark Wilson

My fault, I did asked for a short back and sides

22/04/20 8:15:11

Mr Kipling reveals how he copes with his mental health issues during lockdown

20/04/20 10:35:21

Is it just me or are these Pot Noodle sauce sachets getting harder to open?

29/09/21 8:06:57

It takes practise and patience. You can even do a degree at University involving the science of opening Pot Noodle sachets --Glyn Evans

"Pity the visibility is bad, probably didn't miss anything anyway"

21/09/21 15:24:53

He died of a brain tuba

24/03/21 20:25:45

Oh shit perhaps I am left handed after all

08/03/21 16:20:34

"What's the plan if this all kicks off Sarge"

"Taser the kid"

12/01/21 9:46:59

"I didn't join the police to stand here, I joined to book motorists doing 31 in a 30 zone"

29/08/20 20:46:41

It was a bit of a struggle but we finally got the sofa in through the doorway

18/08/20 10:06:37

" Bloody seagulls, move your boat out of the way"

15/08/20 12:26:40

Wow that was one extreme game of paintballing

30/07/20 9:35:51

I'm not signing up for the office carpooling scheme again

20/04/20 20:57:37

Not saying everyone's getting bored by the lockdown but the dog's just washed the dishes again.

14/04/20 16:47:33

For those of you watching on a black and white tv the red thingy is eating the blue and yellow sunglasses wearing thingy

01/04/20 21:30:27

Who are all these people spending all day on the shitter eating pasta?

22/03/20 15:02:26

4 years on telesales and I've sold something

28/02/20 20:08:51

Jerry was over excited for his first sleep over

10/02/20 23:37:06

I just can't get this tune out of my head.

28/01/20 8:08:01

🎵 If you look closer, it's easy to trace The tracks of my deers 🎵

14/01/20 21:12:01

Nice. --Scrijjy Doo

"Play it cool, when the officer asks for your licence say your human ate it"

31/07/21 9:45:26

"For the last bloody time there is no plane"

26/06/21 20:36:08

I'm so sorry Laura, I was really nervous for our first date and my hands were a bit sweaty

01/05/21 21:05:16

"I don't no how they managed to flush him down the toilet"

01/04/21 12:11:05

Thanks Karen --Mark Wilson

" Just can't keep it in your trousers can you... can't believe we're now banned from the donut stand"

12/02/21 22:25:03

"Don't forget the winner of this bout meets the winner of the Blueberry verses Woodlice fight, which is also live on Channel 5

13/08/20 2:21:13

"What's happened to your hand Dave"?

"See that dog sitting perfectly still, I thought he was one of those charity boxes and tried to post 50p into his head"

30/07/20 20:33:19

"Ha ha, I've got two left feet"

"Ha ha, that's nothing I'm an escaped mental patient"

26/05/20 17:06:34

I'm not liking the look on that chicken now it's defrosted

17/03/20 17:57:45

I just can't see any demand for knitted skeletons, so for that reason I'm out.

11/01/20 9:28:38

Shark Tank reference by any chance? --Willie Johnson

These vending machines are getting ridiculous, I only wanted a coffee

06/07/21 20:17:36

I thought it might be ascii but didn't want to look it up. It's been a real long time since I did anything like that. --Willie Johnson

I got it at a car boot sale

30/05/21 11:26:48

"Unfortunately Ms Stag you've not passed your driving test on this occasion"

05/04/21 22:10:35

Social services were called immediately after the mother and son dance had finished

22/10/20 8:49:45

FOR SALE BMW, one couldn't careless owner

05/08/20 8:51:12

"Well I'm fucked if I know" said David Attenborough

04/06/20 23:34:47

Just do f**k all till that wildlife film crew p**s off

08/02/20 21:40:56

"Where did you find this getaway driver again?"

08/09/21 13:11:30

India has a bobsleigh team

12/06/21 8:42:33

"About time you two woke up, have I got to do everything for myself?"

14/03/21 9:05:28

Little did they know they'd be the 2 favourite rubber face masks used by bank robbers

19/01/21 22:19:46

"He died doing what he loved"

15/08/20 9:21:26

Meanwhile on Britain's beaches

14/07/20 1:25:27

Shit I forgot i told him to "stay" hours ago

30/06/20 9:48:45

Officer Malone, a 20 year police veteran said it was the worst thing he'd ever witnessed in that fridge .... 4 Pineapple low fat yogurts

29/06/20 20:44:20

Nobody knew why Alison was naked as her job was just to move scenery inbetween acts

25/06/20 20:44:24

Don't worry they've been given guide dogs

04/06/20 8:59:18

Elton John's taking these hair transplants too far now

25/05/20 22:03:00

" This is amazing, I can't believe the atmosphere here and we're not too far from the front now"

"Yeah but do we really need anything from B&Q "

05/05/20 9:58:37

What virus? We're wearing Stella McCartney's spring catwalk collection

15/03/20 8:31:40

Lift out of order again so I'm gonna sleep in the car.

20/01/20 12:06:04

"And this is precisely why it takes more than two cats to change a light bulb"

14/09/21 20:51:26

"Wasn't listening and agreed her bum did look big in it. What about you?"

"She hasn't told me why yet. Less men here than last Sunday tho"

22/08/21 12:53:37

"Told you I'd get you back for burying me in the sand"

11/08/21 10:08:19

3 - 7 years it said on the box and I did it in 8 hours flat.

12/07/21 15:26:45

"Hello, single woman in their forties helpline, Cat speaking"

24/06/21 20:06:35

This is your captain... if there is a scarecrow on board could you make yourself known to the cabin crew, failing that it's the usual doctor on board message

01/05/21 9:12:55

Nice caption, would just have stopped after cabin crew though. --Troompa Loompa

Awww, you bloody blinked... it's ruined now

30/04/21 20:47:26

And that's me and the wife at Royal Ascot

Where?

She's under the hat

16/04/21 15:59:51

There goes the office stationary supplier. Gotta give him A4 effort

03/04/21 23:01:13

Speed dating for farmers

06/03/21 15:06:51

Priti Patel 'welcomes' a new MP to the Home Office Department

18/01/21 19:48:22

The plastic surgery went well Mr Smith, although I always get confused which is Ant and which is Dec ... so I gave you the cheeky grin of one and the massive forehead of the other

18/01/21 7:22:00

It started off as a wart on my finger

06/01/21 22:17:23

When I was a lad this was all fields

05/01/21 16:48:37

"I'll let go of your ear hair when you let go of my armpit hair'

19/08/20 14:54:25

"Hello, can you hear me? There's good news and bad news, the good news is the fire's out"

18/08/20 21:02:53

Mask of Tutankhamun bought off eBay could be a forgery say council

15/08/20 21:20:38

" Come on boys let's can-can like our lives depended on it"

10/08/20 13:32:30

"I'm not playing golf again at this Doctor Dolittle Golf and country club. Crocodiles on the fairway, rattle snakes in the bunkers and someone said there's a tiger in the woods"

05/08/20 20:27:07

"Mum, please can we just wait till the barber's reopen"

21/07/20 8:13:08

Since he played a dire wolf in Game of Thrones he's become a right diva

20/07/20 9:40:28

more captions

last comments (total: 132)

Hexadecimal Willie :)

James Lennox

07/07/21
8:35am

comment on caption:
These vending machines are getting ridiculous, I only wanted a coffee [Mark Wilson]

Oh yes, you will save the day. Here's a calendar to mark, that I just found in the trash.

20/07/21
11:18am

comment on caption:
Jet pack run out of gas, looks like I won't be saving the day after all [Mark Wilson]

Or was that flatulence?
Ewww... it was flatulence. What did you eat?

03/08/21
9:13pm

comment on caption:
Aww cute, he just winked at us [Mark Wilson]

He knew something was up when they said "urinal lot of trouble".

12/09/21
2:07pm

comment on caption:
Tony was later banned from these urinals [Mark Wilson]

The formatting alone deserves a vote ... although I think it's upside down wink

James Lennox

13/09/21
10:21pm

comment on caption:
In a Galaxy far far far away
..there was an Epic Battle..
... of Chess, there could...
.....only be one Victor...
....... unless it was ...
............A Draw ....... [Mark Wilson]

I agree James, although I'm going to give it the inverse of 1 since it's upside down.

14/09/21
12:20am

"Actually I think you meant 'they're'. It's a commonly mistaken homophoneAAAGHHH!"

[anon]

20/09/21
6:17pm

comment on caption:
"So what makes you think their gay?"
"The game finished 20 minutes ago" [Mark Wilson]

"Actually I think [anon] should be capitalized if it's a proper noun. And are the brackets and italicization really necessary?"

(Anon)

21/09/21
7:22pm

comment on caption:
"So what makes you think their gay?"
"The game finished 20 minutes ago" [Mark Wilson]

It takes practise and patience. You can even do a degree at University involving the science of opening Pot Noodle sachets

Glyn Evans

29/09/21
3:28pm

comment on caption:
Is it just me or are these Pot Noodle sauce sachets getting harder to open? [Mark Wilson]

You can't sit on the dog. Or can you?