🎵 If you look closer, it's easy to trace The tracks of my deers 🎵

14/01/20 21:12:01

I just can't see any demand for knitted skeletons, so for that reason I'm out.

11/01/20 9:28:38

No,I don't think it's been a weird 1st date just too tired to come in for a coffee, so if you'd just untie me I'll be on my way

10/12/19 13:33:52

I've been on the cabbage diet for 2 weeks and haven't had any noticeable side effects

06/01/20 21:41:18

New red light district rules degrading say workers.

12/01/20 11:27:55

Wow Dale Winton was right, once you go orange faced nobody notices you playing with your penis

09/12/19 9:52:56

The ace of shades

04/01/20 14:41:25

Im not moving until you do that loaves and fishes thing mate

24/12/19 20:20:07

Quentin Tarantino tries to jump on the Marvel films success by targeting a younger audience for reservoir dogs II

10/12/19 9:35:51

I arm Groot.

13/01/20 20:12:22

Ok ive got the balloons but you sure Explosionsgefam is German for helium?

14/01/20 16:37:09

Snapchat filters make galleries fun.

13/01/20 9:52:29

Hibernation time Frosty. 1st day of January so it's Easter egg time. See you again in September.

11/01/20 12:28:08

Out of all the big cats Puma's were by far the easiest to track

25/12/19 8:54:29

Arse cam live footage

21/12/19 23:45:53

If you look closely you can see exactly where I cracked my head open diving in the swallow end of the swimming pool.

14/01/20 16:03:23

Venue say fancy dress party booked but that's next week. Let's mingle and slip out when nobody's looking. Don't forget to give condolences to his widow though.

12/01/20 12:47:13

Recycled Jon Bon Jovi figures flying off the shelves

07/01/20 9:20:54

And with these diversion tactics the Vikings invaded Europe

06/01/20 15:57:36

For God's sake I hope it's a transformer

04/01/20 9:29:56

Romeo,Romeo,wherefore art thou Romeo ... well he's not in there!

03/01/20 22:15:27

I'll just tell Mrs Claus drunk and disorderly are new reindeer if she asks why i'm home later than normal

25/12/19 9:07:28

I'm guessing she's French.

Sun 21:59:48

Captured by comic com. We're never gonna live this down with the rest of the squadron.

Sat 18:31:19

John Cena missing his wrestling career I see.

Sat 10:11:40

So, how did your 1st day as a kindergarten teacher go.

Thu 15:05:47

Gok Wan accused of cheating on latest episode of How To Look Good Naked.

13/01/20 22:51:18

Aww that well known saying " A bird on a block is worth two in the baskets"

13/01/20 12:56:36

Truth is we're all Vegans. We just don't tell everyone every 2 minutes, unlike you humans.

13/01/20 9:39:30

Pretending to be a guide dog to get in this posh restaurant was bad enough, but me reading the menu to him is pushing our luck.

08/01/20 21:13:40

What's sooo difficult about this? Just grab a spork and stab one of the baby owls off my head.

08/01/20 15:00:18

Cats trained up to perform rectal examinations to ease NHS waiting lists

07/01/20 21:02:02

Been there, done that, got the t-shirt

06/01/20 18:16:33

I've gone with the newspaper tipster he said was a French flyer.....

05/01/20 18:31:03

These smell not so bootylicious

05/01/20 15:55:40

Dentist: What seems to be the problem?
Mr Pie: I think I need a filling

03/01/20 0:35:48

The class had a feeling this supply teacher wasn't gonna be such a pushover

29/12/19 10:30:49

The Grinch was hardly recognisable after using his full body wax voucher he had for Christmas

26/12/19 18:29:39

Frank had monster heartburn

26/12/19 18:16:27

I don't care if you cry i refuse to say "ET phone home" as i'm not him

19/12/19 9:11:23

Human centipede defeated by tree climb

15/12/19 22:15:00

The perfect gift for any football fan this Christmas.... the Harry Kane wall clock

15/12/19 16:19:54

What's new pussycat, whoa
What's new pussycat, whoa, oh whoa
Pussycat pussycat I love you ...
But the garbage disposal unit was on sale

09/12/19 0:15:10

I can clearly see that your a tit.

Sun 21:37:03

FRIENDS Halloween reunion special excusive.

Sat 20:21:25

Stage 2 of leaving Europe was to move Britain closer to America, stealth like.

Sat 18:28:00

Fair play your fancy dress outfit is the dog's mollusks.

Sat 17:58:46

Just me suddenly craving popcorn?

Sat 10:01:16

That chicken was so finger licking good I couldn't stop.

Fri 13:53:40

This is a customer announcement... it's a bit of snow where the bloody hell are you?

Fri 9:12:35

Don't worry they'll know it's cold. You can hardly see my head in the photo too.

Thu 21:50:52

This board cost me a fortune, there's no way I'm getting it wet.

Thu 21:06:09

Talking out of your arse again I see.

Thu 16:37:38

Royal Mail: we have tried to deliver a parcel while you were out.

Have left it behind wheelie bin.

15/01/20 15:25:35

The women on Love Island were struggling when the airline lost their luggage.

11/01/20 21:36:21

Red dead redemption II

10/01/20 20:15:14

You don't like my decor? Well, opinions are like assholes. Everybody has one.”

10/01/20 15:36:09

Look woman stop chasing me, you lied on your dating profile. Thats not what Upwardly mobile means.

10/01/20 9:21:42

Wonky wheels, car dents, broken child seats. Just some of the reasons their abandoned. But for just £3 a month you could adopt a trolley.

09/01/20 9:59:28

I've been thrown out of better toilets than this pal.

08/01/20 12:33:16

Hold on tight ... don't Lego

07/01/20 12:50:06

Look everybody, I've built a bike

05/01/20 14:55:44

Dad, now your sure Lewis Hamilton started out like this, or are you saving money on karting lessons?

03/01/20 10:33:49

Kazakhstan unveil 1st mission to moon attempt

03/01/20 0:21:35

... It's the circle of life ...

03/01/20 0:05:26

The years hadn't been kind to Madonna after she tried on that cone bra outfit from the loft

28/12/19 20:18:35

So i have to find the chastity belt key before the viagra wears off

27/12/19 13:46:15

Police believe the body was from the early 80's due to no iPhone used while having a shit

25/12/19 9:16:46

spooktacular lighting arrangements

24/12/19 20:22:39

I'm a celebrity viewers not happy critters are no longer alive on bushtucker trials

20/12/19 22:45:31

When Gran said she had a memorial done to remind her of Gramps for the room I was expecting maybe a engraved candle!

20/12/19 17:09:43

If you strike me down, I shall become more powerful than you can possibly imagine.” Whoops cancel that I thought it was a rolled up newspaper not a knife

17/12/19 23:46:04

Request only are you shit ting me Ken or should I say ... Keith Lemon

15/12/19 22:42:32

Rival gangs start turf war over coke dealing

13/12/19 16:33:07

No Terry your right I've never seen a pineapple road kill before but I still think we look ridiculous

11/12/19 17:36:10

And then GOD said let there be light... just to scare the shit out of his disciples.

10/12/19 21:57:48

Photo's emerge of Greta Thunberg and her mum on the school run doing their bit to cut carbon emissions years ago

08/12/19 23:49:15

Ann Summers reveals this year's most popular Christmas dress up must haves

08/12/19 23:30:05

Pat Butcher earns rave reviews in Donald Trump the musical

08/12/19 23:26:34

And now on Channel 5 it's over to the live animal v vegetable stare off competition final

24/11/19 23:27:19

God: if it had been me you'd have had bigger tits

24/11/19 23:12:40

These ink block tests are getting harder and harder... I can't see a fucking thing.

24/11/19 23:10:39

Ronald McDonald... the early years

24/11/19 23:06:58

Paul:"Its probing time, fucknuts."

24/11/19 22:59:22

Film studio radically cuts budget on the New Saw Movie

24/11/19 22:17:35

Mmmmm that smells Buddha-full

24/11/19 22:04:24

I see Mr Kiplins bored shitless again

24/11/19 22:01:09

Is it just me or are these Dominos delivery drivers getting worse

24/11/19 21:53:09