lol

That look when you spot your wife with another man and you can’t do anything about it because you’re a statue.

09/05/19 20:28:46

Canoepés

21/09/17 20:32:23

lol

Oscar Pistorius's campaign bus

24/07/16 12:40:44

creative

She's hoping that a few minor adjustments to her new skirt, will help take away the emphasis from her massive arse.

23/08/17 20:40:55

lol creative

Uri Geller makes a start on corrogating a new door for his storage unit.

15/06/15 12:38:19

Having just had two Bishop's Fingers, Brendan needed a drink.

09/05/14 9:02:16

“It’s pointless lying to me, I can see right through you.”
“I’ve half a mind to end this relationship.”

27/04/19 8:07:56

lol

The same as other blokes do, use the wife’s flannel.

22/01/19 10:06:44

“Does it hurt when you go to the toilet?”
“Yes Doctor.”

24/04/19 8:05:26

lol

“I don’t mind being spoiled, but I wish they’d let me wash my own arse.”

15/03/19 12:29:46

Spider plant

22/05/15 13:59:20

Cat proves once and for all that it hasn't got your tongue.

30/08/14 8:32:03

creative

He's lucky he didn't get pissed at the Blue Oyster Bar instead.
He'd have been trying to sell half a drain-pipe, two terrified hamsters and an industrial plunger!
(Well, according to a friend of mine you understand.)

24/06/14 0:24:38

In true Latvian circus burial law, Olav the clown was given a traditional send off.

11/06/14 16:22:40

lol

He's playing arse song!

01/07/16 4:40:50

"Are we there yet?"

06/08/16 20:27:38

With such an odd shaped head, ping pong looking eyes, fat beer belly and jaundice, I'd recognise Brenda anywhere.

22/06/14 3:31:56

Up until it burnt down in 1971, this photo gives us a rare glimpse inside the underground recruitment office for The Ministry Of Silly Walks.

10/05/14 0:00:34

He was eventually thrown in a recycling bin.

06/07/19 8:32:26

Jack marvelled at the proud stance she took to break wind.

29/01/19 15:21:55

Thankfully, the hospital catheters of today, are far less conspicuous than this crude contraption from the 1870's

10/09/14 19:08:42

Since trying out the new German caffine shampoo, Helmut's hair has been up for over 4 days.

28/08/14 20:46:59

Club feet

04/05/19 8:11:00

To produce and record their first single, the band needed sponsorship. They contacted over a thousand companies and businesses but to no avail. Then, just as they were about to give up altogether, they got a phone call from Playtex....

03/05/19 20:33:37

“Tonight on ‘Where Are They Now?’ - Kajagoogoo.”

05/04/19 20:21:58

“Right. I want y’all to put your hands up, then I’m gonna take all your money and all your jewellery, then I’m gonna make y’all strip naked, then I’m gonna shoot y’all. But first...........a song ..”

28/03/19 11:02:17

Wall Huggers Welcome

25/03/19 14:40:57

lol

"He's got his mum's looks, and his dad's legs."
Said Brooklyn's nan when she took this photo of her first grandchild.

27/07/16 13:08:22

Ahmed couldn't understand why she was acting so weird all of a sudden. They'd only been married a week.

02/07/15 17:36:01

There's a wrApp for that.

13/05/14 16:45:55

Jean thought a fiver wasn't bad for an original pair of Pat Butcher's earrings.

03/09/14 8:52:14

There goes Sterling Moss.

22/06/14 13:17:33

Spot The Emu Competition
Mark an 'X' where you think Emu is and win £500!

12/05/14 22:09:07

Old Mother Hubbard,
Went to the cupboard,
To get her poor doggy a bone.
But when she got there,
The cupboard fell on her head and flattened her.

23/06/19 21:03:44

After much bidding, the orchestra was finally sold for £58,000.

18/04/19 13:38:29

It’s handy being a witch if you can’t get a signal on your mobile.

16/04/19 16:58:45

Following a mastectomy, Nan had her left breast preserved as a keep sake.

18/03/19 20:10:50

“I so glad we’re married at last darling, but getting on the property ladder could take decades.”

01/03/19 20:06:13

Ever wondered what Ian Botham did with all that Shredded Wheat?

30/08/17 20:19:06

“THEY’RE QUITE GOOD AREN’T THEY.”
“PARDON?”
“I SAID, THEY ARE ABSOLUTE SHITE AREN’T THEY.”
“BIRMINGHAM.YOU?”
“VODKA AND COKE.”

30/05/19 3:03:11

Bloody health and safety. You can’t even go to a simple hardcore S&M gimp orgy without going through all that rigmarole.

13/03/19 20:04:11

♫He wears red peppers and a stupid f*cking dress.♫

05/03/19 20:08:43

An attempt to do a remake of ‘The Prisoner’ failed miserably.

21/02/19 12:41:29

"I ain't no mofo fickle." slurred Joe as he tried in vain to kill the fortune-telling fish from his Christmas cracker.

27/08/17 11:52:52

The 19th hole isn't what you expect at Clapham Common Golf Club.

20/08/16 20:18:42

Olga tried to escape from fat camp but didn't get very far.

19/06/15 1:11:52

Once Doreen get's going, she'll make you laugh all day.

18/06/15 13:00:00

There was only two more full body spins, a low 10, high 10, thumb grasp, mid air splits, and a final high 5 then Errol's standard 7 minute handshake would be complete.

06/06/15 12:47:16

Pedro had almost finished moving his stuff into a new apartment, but was dreading going back for the washing machine.

31/05/14 1:59:03

Jenkins was later court marshalled for 'Pausing to sort out a wedgy during a life and death situation.'

30/05/14 14:36:05

Don’t you just hate it when they pixelate faces.

06/07/19 12:18:30

My mate said he’d take me to the Dragon’s Head for a drink on my birthday. I didn’t laugh.

02/07/19 12:00:53

You can always tell when a newbie has read the entire terms and conditions before installing Java.

02/05/19 8:03:45

“We were very tightly packed in the lorry”

18/04/19 20:08:17

“Not that type of rabbit Doreen!” Laughed the supervisor at the community centre’s Easter arts and crafts day.

18/04/19 12:18:34

Frank regretted starting foreplay in the kitchen and finding her G-spot for the first time.

27/03/19 20:03:27

........with an allen key attached to its leg.

20/03/19 21:33:38

What a pro!...Lapse

10/02/19 21:44:52

2 glands 1 cup

01/02/19 12:04:53

Hairy Biker

13/01/19 20:32:50

Bloody poles coming over here taking our photo opportunities.

09/09/17 15:41:14

Palm tree

Nods to 20:00:09 and 20:02:00

30/08/17 20:11:42

Screw that 'No More Nails'

19/08/16 8:42:21

This vintage photo shows how unpleasant a train journey used to be, as there were no seats available and it was very cramped. Thankfully, in this modern day and age, all that has........oh, hang on..

28/05/15 18:01:20

creative

He was so sure he'd perfected his grip technique as he swung her round by the ankles.

24/05/15 21:45:07

Gagpuss

30/08/14 8:15:45

Pepsi report that Michael Jackson has come back to haunt them.

04/07/14 20:47:25

"I would've gotten away with it if weren't for you pesky kids."

23/06/14 16:32:48

Harum Scarum

23/04/14 14:17:07

"Yeah I've got the money, all of it, in cash, in a brown envelope in my handbag. I Just want you to do it quickly and quietly. Call me on my mobile when the job's done."
"Ok, leave it to me. But it would be much easier if you set up direct debits to pay in your monthly bills. I hate queuing up in that bloody post office ma."

03/09/14 17:56:39

Colin has always loved filming the wildlife in and around the canals. But he's never quite been the same since over 30 swans tried to kill him.

02/07/14 20:50:45

Just one day after taking over the business, Max Clifford's son sat waiting for the first secretary applicant to arrive.

14/06/14 17:03:25

Stage 5 of the headbutt management therapy course.

14/06/14 16:04:05

Beachy Head - The movie

01/05/14 21:20:46

....and when a genie appeared from the brass lamp I was polishing, I knew I was being set up by my mates, so when the genie granted me 3 wishes, I thought I’d play along. For my first wish, I asked for a million pounds. There was a puff of smoke and a million quid was piled up in front of me. Wow! This was the best prank ever.
For my second wish, I asked for beautiful, sexy women to fancy me wherever I went. He clicked his fingers and suddenly I was surrounded by hot babes. I couldn’t believe this was happening! He asked me for my final wish, (and I regret this now.) I said I wanted to be a green chair with real arms and legs....”

08/07/19 20:56:12

A game of Russian Roulette ends in death by a bullet.
A game of Russian Strip Poker ends in death by hypothermia.

25/06/19 20:11:06

“Right you lot, now listen to me. Let he who has not sinned, cast the first...Ouch! Aarrgh! Oower!

27/04/19 20:31:34

“Raymond, can I have my colander back you freak. I want a divorce.”

23/04/19 13:13:21

The Hits family discover their daughter Lodaa is dyslexic.

07/04/19 20:49:55

Inaconda

23/03/19 21:24:15

What’s worse than finding a maggot in your apple?
Err.....

17/03/19 23:24:49

When I said put Daz in the washing machine, I meant the bloody powder!

24/02/19 20:00:47

His colleague is a boom boy, but Pete is a dolly grip.

04/02/19 20:20:03

The source: ‘Crater of kilauea’ is Hawaiian for: ‘Contents from hoover bag’.

03/02/19 12:59:00

Omg. So last year.

22/01/19 1:47:49

I used to work in that shop. No one ever came in.

15/01/19 11:48:49

Marley Davidson

13/01/19 20:01:46

As soon as Hurricane Irma ended, the Virgin Islanders wasted no time in getting urgent provisions sent over to Richard Branson.

21/09/17 20:34:01

"Did you just call me a Kent?"

09/08/16 8:04:16

Understanding their plight, a passer-by gave them 2 tickets to see Jim Davidson's matinee show at The Empire down the road.

03/08/16 5:41:42

David Blaine discovers his ancestry on this week's 'Who Do You Think You Are'

06/10/15 13:31:44

Mel takes Feng Shui very seriously according to her concerned family and friends.

18/07/15 14:32:06

After an embarrassing occurrence whilst opening out a sun lounger earlier, Sal came up with a way to ensure his swimming trunks wouldn't fall down again.

16/07/15 9:02:18

"Look if you don't believe me! This cheque came this morning from Readers Digest, I've won the jackpot!"

18/06/15 6:10:39

"......No, you let go first."

28/05/15 7:50:56

As professional as ever, the over 60's Clog 'n' Click Formation Team went ahead with the performance, hoping no one would notice they'd forgotten to bring the skipping ropes.

25/05/15 18:37:36

That dog is an excellent ventriloquist.

22/05/15 14:41:44

Eye Candy Crush

20/05/15 17:02:28

Flying Without Wings

18/05/15 20:14:53

It can get very boring if you accidentally get locked in the stationery cupboard over night.

15/05/15 8:37:00

Russian poolette

10/05/15 17:32:42

Little Red Riding Hoody

04/05/15 17:20:16

Prisoner of War Horse

23/04/15 7:05:16

“Tonight On: Where Are They Now?...
Professor Slughorn.”

08/07/19 20:09:59

“Yes I suppose we do take recycling seriously.”

30/06/19 21:54:15

Give a man the means to fish and his family will never starve.
Give a man bricks and his wife can build the house while he’s out fishing with the lads.

30/06/19 18:03:14

A professional lip reader has told the media that during the rather embarrassing ‘incident’, The President’s wife mouthed discretely to the guard to say, “After this photo shoot, I want you to drag the disgusting beast as far away from me as possible and chop its f*cking balls off.” The president, who must’ve been unaware of the ‘incident’, heard what his wife had said and replied nervously, “You are so over dramatic. Nothing happened last night I swear. It was just a drunken fumble with Pierre the valet. How did you find out?”
His wife turned to guard again and said, “Can you also do the same to the mongrel on my left as well please.”

23/06/19 9:23:36

Police arrest a male cashier from a nearby petrol station for sign vandalism. Apparently, he caught the Diesel Pump Attendant servicing his wife.

12/06/19 4:16:22

“Hi Sarah. Please tell me you didn’t fall asleep at the party last night, because apparently Josh had his eyebrows shaved off, Kevin got tattooed on his butt and Jenny’s face has been coloured in with green indelible ink!”
“I fell asleep.”

05/06/19 23:29:57

Nell Gwynn’s rival - Gloria Stits

09/05/19 8:35:38

Quasi knew he was an ugly cat. Having unsightly moles on his face didn’t help.

03/05/19 12:45:46

I wonder what that little notice says. Without my glasses I can’t weed it.

02/05/19 20:01:17

Never judge a bog by its cover

24/04/19 20:52:31

“....I used be a break dancer in my teens.”

18/04/19 20:04:03

Matthew, Mark, Luke and John Lennon

09/04/19 20:03:24

I might try a bottle of that. Full of protein apparently.

06/04/19 20:00:24

After 35 years, the Amazonian Bombungii tribe, finally release the annoyingly perfect woman from the Timotei adverts.

31/03/19 21:41:36

Baahrain

25/03/19 20:07:37

The downside to Rupert’s amazing ‘live beard’ is that he doesn’t get to eat his own bogeys anymore.

18/03/19 19:14:16

Upon asking about how their whirlwind romance came about, they replied, “We don’t know, it all happened so slow.”

02/03/19 23:17:23

Going to work was like a walk in the park for Malik.

26/02/19 20:58:47

Out of 37 contestants, just 4 remain in the annual sponsored: ‘ Who Can Hang Upside Down The Longest?’ Competition.
All proceeds go towards the ‘Living With A Flat Head Foundation’.

19/02/19 20:51:47

The only situation where you’re worried you may ‘drop off’ to sleep.

16/02/19 21:34:52

I’d take that tattoo artist to the cleaners if I were him.

16/02/19 15:05:14

“Why don’t we get a cup of tea like the chimps did?”

09/02/19 23:40:39

“..........shoulders knees and toes..”

07/02/19 16:38:04

“This is harder than untangling the bloody Christmas lights.”

04/02/19 13:33:00

Bum bag

03/02/19 20:00:23

Fly tipping.

15/01/19 11:30:02

“And the winner of the January 2019 Darwin award goes to.......”

13/01/19 20:43:07

Doggone

13/01/19 20:01:05

“I’m 84 you know!”

13/01/19 18:46:11

“I take it you didn’t notice I was asleep on top of the caravan before you set off on bloody holiday to Wales.”

12/01/19 3:09:00

Now it was Father Dougal's turn to kick Bishop Brennan up the arse.

30/09/17 3:00:35

Cadbury's Queen Egg

20/09/17 12:35:00

How many more f*cking times do I have to prove that I haven't got anyone else's tongue?!

17/09/17 18:35:53

Beverly Hillbilly

08/09/17 9:16:32

"Don't worry, the doctor will come back as soon as he's stopped laughing." Said the nurse.

03/09/17 17:30:21

I wouldn't sit up there, but I bet Edward Woodward would

30/08/17 20:22:38

"....So welcome back to the second auditions of 'Zombie Factor' Daniel. I've been reading up on your many credentials, and it says here that you once played a dead body in an armchair for an unbelievable 9 days and nights as part of an undercover sting to highlight the neglect in a Leighton Buzzard care-home! Yet amazingly, you managed to top that by getting the part of an extra in a Noel Edmonds show! Well Daniel, I don't think you need it but, good luck mate, the judges are ready."

30/08/17 19:40:54

Everyone stared in awe at the New billboard erection.

29/08/17 0:35:52

Playing APPy Families

28/08/17 22:28:05

Maria knew something wasn't right. Then she remembered the warning her grandmother had given her when she was a child,
'Never eat mini fried terrapin served by a waiter on stilts'

Nod to 12.05.07

27/08/17 15:12:40

Whore d'oeuvres

27/08/17 12:11:53

"Come out! Come out now!" Shouted Jon's team mates through a peep hole on the Finnish version of The Crystal Maze.

19/08/16 21:20:46

Following a 6 hour rescue operation, Gazza is banned from mowing the lawn for 2 years.

16/08/16 23:36:09

Summer fete's in Korea, don't quite have the same atmosphere as the typical British ones.

16/08/16 7:05:41

Coming up: When DIY Perma-Stiff, penis enlargement and steroid based scrotum lifts go horribly wrong.

04/08/16 2:46:13

Today's topic: Impregnation via anonymous sperm donatation - What are the risks?

02/08/16 23:34:08

Made In China

01/08/16 22:48:07

"Wow. Look what's just ahead love!
I've seen this on YouTube. These pavement artists are amazing. So reali "

30/07/16 11:39:57

Bet they'll still be a teaspoon left when they empty the sink.

27/07/16 13:37:32

"Not even beer helps." Thought the lion sadly. "I'm still petrified."

20/07/16 21:38:50

The routine was almost perfect until Nadia put her foot in it.

16/07/16 15:37:22

The driver had to explain to Chang that that being told to get 'on' the bus, means the same as being told to get 'in' it.

11/07/16 6:47:01

Lambs tend to venture into the bull's field just the once.

09/10/15 12:14:50

That look when you buy an iced lolly and the ice cream man tells you that he's your real father.

04/10/15 21:55:28

"But my hair looks f**king stupid dad."

28/09/15 9:11:17

At the psychiatric unit's youth club, Alf proudly watches his name being written on the Musical Chairs winners board for the 38th week running.

18/07/15 0:56:21

He could've at least shaved his bikini paragraph.

16/07/15 8:18:06

"Why the long faces?"
"Are you taking to us or the cops?"

16/07/15 6:35:34

After the fire, this was all that remained from Molly's 'Speed Shagging' emporium.

30/06/15 13:49:10

Day one of the annual camping trip for retired professors with dementia, and as usual, Ludwig was first to the shower block.

12/06/15 18:36:20

This was definitely created by a bloke. There's no toilet paper.

16/05/15 22:12:24

Denny had the 'giant marshmallow' dream again last night.

24/04/15 23:54:20

".....and then the bizarre ritual finally ends when the dominant male shows off what's left of his rival's balls."

21/04/15 0:50:52

"......and that's how I got this medal. Now my second medal came about when I was sent to Burma in 1942 to..... '

12/07/14 20:01:02

"Awww...Bless..Come and look at this Chris! Sabre's bathing the cat."

08/07/14 2:48:18

Never keep an E-cigarette behind your ear.

04/07/14 20:43:39

Shadrach O'Mally's graphically illustrated new book that uses magical animals to portray the joy of giving oral sex to morbidly obese women (also known as the art of 'Cunnifungus'), has sold well over 4 copies in the first week!

02/07/14 3:00:40

In hindsight, Geoff realised that driving down the M25, was perhaps not the best time to have told his wife he had a gambling problem and their house was about to be repossessed.
She'd remained surprisingly calm until he went on to admit he was a transvestite and was moving to Tenerife to join a drag queen cabaret troupe with a bloke called Tina.

23/06/14 15:01:57

".......and that my friends, is how you build a dual circuit, 5000 Watt, semi-thrust, action socket with an in-built fibre-optic micro-fuse from scratch."

01/06/14 21:12:20

Korean peep show.

30/04/14 10:39:43

Spot the dog.

30/04/14 8:04:26

......and this little piggy went weeeeeeeeeee..

29/04/14 14:43:49

"You squawkin' to me?"
Robin De Niro's classic scene from the film - Taxi Dermy.

28/04/14 9:39:21

Shortly after this picture was taken, the family business folded.

30/06/19 22:08:37

Viewers thought the Russian version of ‘Last Of The Summer Wine’ went downhill after episode 2, but it didn’t, that’s why it was axed.

30/06/19 0:37:30

Sex please I’m British

25/06/19 13:59:05

Hi Street

25/06/19 8:11:01

“It must be a nightmare to keep clean.”
“Not really, I just take to the mouth wash twice a week.”

10/06/19 21:43:27

Screen tests for the new series of ‘Touched By An Angel’ were going well until Derek the floor manager got done for actually touching the angels.

03/06/19 12:00:34

He wanted to make a move but held back in case she was over easy.

28/05/19 20:58:46

“Anyone got a dead elbow yet?”

24/05/19 2:47:32

“...And these are the photo’s I took down the coal mine.”

24/05/19 2:45:03

Most people get nits, Janet gets squirrels.

18/05/19 21:37:04

Miranda’s has to get permission from the Forestry Commission before getting a hair cut.

18/05/19 21:32:12

“Woah there dragon! Talk to the hand, cuz the face aint sizzling.”

15/05/19 16:17:14

“Christ, keep your head down, I just spotted Chris Packham coming this way.”

11/05/19 20:19:22

♪..AND IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIeeIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIWILL ALWAYS LOVE YOUUUUUU.....♪

11/05/19 0:08:35

‘Even a baby could fly it!’ Was the phrase coined by the inventor of the stealth bomber, and he proved it!

07/05/19 20:21:05

After galavanting about all day, Dot loved nothing more than relaxing in front of the telly with a stiff complan.

04/05/19 8:43:51

If a Swiss skier has been out on the piste all day and drops dead, they are given a traditional send off....a 170mph trip down the toboggan run, up a ramp and straight into the back of a hearse.

03/05/19 10:51:51

A typical 19th century Transylvanian Father Christmas

01/05/19 22:49:59

In 1885, aged 71, Herbert Smythe decided to emphasise his prize whiskers by wearing a cat mask every time he went out. Sadly he died 2 weeks later after having several strokes.

01/05/19 20:38:48

Scotland Yard Finally Reveal True Identity of The Phantom Raspberry Blower Of Old London Town

01/05/19 20:03:34

If the shoe doesn’t fit, go back and sit.

26/04/19 6:02:54

“Swanage please driver.”

25/04/19 23:38:17

He was on one of his rants earlier and I asked him to shut his mouth . It took ages.

23/04/19 8:01:22

Playing dares round Linda’s house was bloody awful.

22/04/19 12:36:37