"I've tried explaining how it works to my patients, but basically it goes in one ear and out the other"

03/09/21 8:19:05

"When I volunteered I didn't know you meant an aural sex machine."

03/09/21 8:55:33

"This week on 'How It's Made'- Candles."

03/09/21 12:41:03

- In position?
- check
- power on?
- check
- Floor pattern?
- eh?

03/09/21 8:59:22

"Indeed, it does seem that anybody who attended Eton has a missing brain."

03/09/21 8:23:26

Early attempts to remove ear wax often resulted in bits of brain being removed.

03/09/21 8:07:05

After a spate of unfortunate accidents, Mr Crackpottington-Smythe's high-powered Indoor Party Rockets were reluctantly banned.

03/09/21 8:05:28

"Almost set up. Now be sure to tell us if you hear anything once we hook up the wire to your testicles."
"Say what?"

03/09/21 9:30:01

Wish I had gone to another Plastic Surgeon for my ear reconstruction....

04/09/21 9:24:05

"When I pass the scanner through your head, Mr Jones, you may feel some slight discomfort."

03/09/21 8:50:58

You will be radioactive afterwards.
Well I already listen to the Archers.

03/09/21 8:14:33