Kenny Ireland

Dear Sir, I wish to complain about the helic.
Dear Sir, I wish to complain about the helicop.
Dear Sir, I wish to complain about the hel.

04/07/15 13:49:15

This is inspired. --Dan Nicholls

They are just out stretching their legs.

04/06/18 8:35:41

clever x2

Entrance.

01/12/16 21:52:22

"I've just taken off the petrol cap. I'm trying to run it on bee-pee".

26/08/16 12:14:06

Junk male.

16/03/19 15:34:30

Must keep eyes off Sarah's tits. Must keep eyes off Sarah's tits. Must keep eyes off Sarah's tits.

11/03/19 12:43:58

Liz used to have a couple of pointers.

16/07/17 13:24:19

Sundae service.

07/08/15 13:55:15

Gertrude the blind milkmaid would probably never find out why she was so popular.

29/03/14 20:16:54

She might get smallcox --Mark England

15/06/18 15:46:21

12/05/18 10:25:09

06/08/17 9:37:15

17/11/16 9:31:16

"It won't stand up in court".

30/09/15 22:07:27

Chest freezer.

06/01/17 16:11:13

Protected species.

04/02/16 20:35:11

Amazon wish to apologise for the delay in delivery of your ovulation fertility kit.

02/02/16 17:33:33

apologise. Great caption btw. --Leroy Brown

"Just one more payment and it will be all ours".

01/10/15 20:10:32

Womanhood.

08/11/14 18:41:33

After being neutered we are left with an adder that can't multiply.

04/10/14 22:42:43

Is the one on the right supposed to be Fred Astare ?

14/07/17 12:25:44

"Who took the After Eights?"

29/10/15 20:01:37

The shopkeeper liked Johnny Cash.

25/06/15 22:56:11

09/01/15 10:18:39

25/03/19 21:07:01

25/03/19 20:00:35

Did he win the overall prize?

22/03/19 12:13:50

Council inundated with complaints after fitting energy saving bulbs to changing rooms.

01/01/18 18:09:07

"Did you remember to change the phone setting from BC to AD"?

26/12/17 9:07:03

A greater than expected crowd attended Craig Eddie's welcome on board party.

Lou Reed.

05/09/17 13:08:06

lol x2

30/07/17 15:47:45

In black and white. ( no calor )

19/07/17 21:08:44

"Police suspect man of grooming".

25/05/16 5:24:21

William had often talked about topping himself.

30/03/16 14:30:44

"It was supposed to be Bo Peep but we couldn't get the staff".

25/11/15 14:08:36

Notice for TNT deliveries.

05/11/15 12:07:25

"Waiter. - I ordered a bottle of Pils and a glass.

15/02/15 14:49:52

"These are some of the best books I've ever come across".

Booby prizes.

06/01/18 12:01:50

24/06/17 21:42:06

Undoubtedly --sandeep chahal

The girls used to have hourglass figures.

Window locks.

18/02/17 21:05:14

Barrow 1 Chesterfield 1.

31/10/16 15:32:27

Nod to the Spireites --Mr Dome

Primary colours.

08/04/16 9:00:07

31/12/15 9:51:20

...and it turns into a purse when it gets cold.

22/12/15 17:38:41

Space hopper's offspring is confirmed as bouncing baby girl.

11/10/13 23:06:51

Minor production.

20/02/14 12:39:04

"That's another non-voter disposed of."

09/02/14 6:05:33

Eau de toilette.

17/01/14 13:38:20

lol --Annalise Samuel lapira

The following morning would find them defending their case of funfair dismissal.

16/11/13 20:06:12

Clever :-) --Chris Beach

"Hulk. Could you swop places with the invisible man please".

14/06/18 11:19:36

"Yes. P*ss off you lanky Scotsman and take your f*ckin' bagpipes with you".

04/06/18 9:01:06

"Thank f*ck I've got 6 legs" thought the horse.

02/05/18 16:07:42

LOL! --Welsh Rarebit

"You could at least have levelled this table" grumbled the Angle of Death.

28/12/17 21:02:52

"That parrot must have had poor eyesight".

05/11/16 20:21:21

The 5 course meal was complete with aperitif.

13/06/16 22:36:32

"How the hell am I supposed to get my feet in there"?

05/05/16 21:13:05

"OK. Go and turn the tap on".

13/04/16 20:39:20

Another hardoned criminal is apprehended.

30/09/15 22:09:06

"You had better make sure she takes plastic".

06/05/15 9:17:27

A Dell.

12/04/19 20:56:40

Gardener of the galaxy.

31/03/19 12:49:59

"Collect your kit here".

30/08/18 20:55:30

Should she not be wearing a creche helmet ?

22/07/18 20:29:18

It was within the queens power to have them beeheaded.

30/06/17 23:10:51

"You can buy the cigarettes at the kiosk, Sir".

Bay window.

01/03/17 21:31:40

The 2 litre model.

08/09/16 12:13:58

23/07/16 12:55:59

Ironically it's a blind corner.

26/05/16 20:28:07

...on "See Street." --Greg Curtis

Wait for the little green man.

04/04/16 14:37:37

Legs elevenses.

17/03/16 10:07:10

"Amazon wish to apologize for the delayed delivery of your new cot".

20/01/16 5:28:50

Infantry.

14/12/15 4:57:33

Bar prices are fixed. No Haglers.

16/11/15 14:11:25

...well, first you Hearns it, then Eubanks it.. --Mr Dome

Amazon have a strict policy on associates having snacks in their fulfillment centers.

30/10/15 12:08:13

'Fulfillment Center'? - nice to see Amazon have a sense of humour. --Tony Busby

Bring baby for refund.

25/06/15 21:36:07

Queue jumpers.

12/03/15 20:48:17

Bum-bags.

14/11/14 20:16:37

Bedtime storey.

07/02/14 9:01:56

Blind John had his own way of telling which way his care worker was facing.

29/11/13 13:16:01

There were probably better ways to to tell if the dog poo bin was full.

20/10/13 22:16:46

"Yes Mrs. Richards. Your room DOES have a sea view".

08/04/19 15:48:07

"That were a big girl. Her with the pram."

27/03/19 12:36:10

Brilliant use of the Northern dialect. Simple but very effective. --Karyn Harrison

Thinking inside the box.

23/01/19 6:47:30

01/01/19 20:20:10

23/06/18 8:09:44

12/12/17 20:47:34

03/12/17 21:41:44

12/11/17 20:17:13

Another Glastonbury festival and Sue tries to find her tent.

04/07/17 6:07:12

The bakery also made a good turnover.

12/11/16 11:04:20

They had run out of juice.

08/09/16 12:09:53

"Bar now re-opened. Thanks for your support".

26/05/16 12:07:24

Plunging neckline.

25/01/16 8:36:05

Limited edition.

27/06/15 15:23:28

"Put that shirt back on. Your making an exhibition of yourself".

19/06/15 12:20:11

Car pound.

23/11/14 23:03:14

Splashhund.

07/07/14 20:59:10

Santanderriere.

01/04/19 20:19:51

Jenny was a poplar girl.

18/01/18 9:39:01

29/12/17 10:29:58

26/12/17 12:01:27

12/12/17 5:09:37

04/12/17 22:22:07

"Hello. Is that the police? Someone has stolen my phone".

22/09/17 11:36:48

"These wipes are not complimentary".

04/09/17 17:46:47

Royal hanger-on.

05/08/17 21:35:45

I see dyed people.

21/07/17 15:10:56

Battle-cry.

13/07/17 13:55:03

This one smells like my ring finger.

14/04/17 22:15:46

lol! --Welsh Rarebit

La coste of motoring.

11/01/17 17:47:28

Heavy plant crossing.

22/12/16 8:19:25

"Fancy a game of killer pool?"

02/09/16 8:08:36

A couple of well dressed men knocked on our front door. They were trying to convert me into slicing bread horizontally. I think they were Hovis Witnesses.

16/06/16 13:56:34

OK. --Kenny Ireland

Pitch.

25/04/16 17:37:18

Chamber music.

30/03/16 20:22:16

London Transport have announced that they will reduce the shutter speed of their bus lane cameras.

19/11/15 12:30:26

(Except for jumbo sausages).

Slinky outfit.

28/09/15 22:29:46

Role play.

26/08/15 5:43:39

09/07/15 23:32:23

...where you can choose your mates.

25/06/15 23:24:17

"Hooray. My bottom set of teeth are ready for collection".

07/05/15 22:10:49

Jean pool.

04/05/15 22:00:34

Hand crafted.

30/04/15 13:12:01

"If you break your leg, don't come running to me".

09/01/15 10:17:46

The design of the spoiler was a key issue.

17/11/14 6:34:49

The coming out of the Lord.

De-knees Van Outen.

15/11/14 22:27:11

12/02/14 21:12:55

"Hey! Do I look like a cat burglar?"

05/12/13 21:44:05

"Sleepwalker gets budgie stolen."

07/11/13 18:26:35

Satellite retriever.

28/09/14 8:50:04

We've got a moving staircase in our house as well but the surveyer called it dry rot.

26/09/14 8:24:19

Must have given you a sinking feeling. --Boycie

Scene and not herd.

09/08/14 0:33:32

The firemen were able to save part of the building.

15/06/14 20:44:06

She was only the roadlayer's daughter but she would go anywhere to get her asphalt.

29/11/13 13:06:39

James met his death in a roundabout way.

Wed 12:36:16

Bloody Basingstoke. :^) --Crunchy Chords

29/03/19 9:31:55

30/06/18 21:37:37

13/05/18 22:16:24

06/01/18 13:20:56

Home under the hammer.

27/12/17 20:14:24

Still life. (but probably not much)

18/05/17 23:18:34

Bossch-eyed.

12/05/17 12:13:21

Mug tree.

10/03/17 12:18:55

Denim flares.

19/01/17 20:05:54

"Did you eat the Pears ?" asked her mother.

18/11/16 9:07:04

Another Michael Barrymore party doomed to failure.

02/09/16 8:09:56

"The boys just call her Auntie Gravity".

28/08/16 19:31:29

"OK you've got the job. The previous applicants stood on the stool".

15/08/16 9:58:19

It is sometimes difficult to remove wedding rings at the mortuary.

30/06/16 10:57:06

Jimmy Savile managed it okay. --Darthey Bussell

Never buy jigsaws from a charity shop.

17/06/16 8:44:55

20/05/16 12:06:26

31/03/16 12:30:12

29/03/16 23:30:01

22/03/16 20:43:11

It was a big mistake asking Sally to toss him off.

19/02/16 13:37:29

"Move over Beethoven".

18/02/16 14:19:58

Keith Harris would eventually yield to his protesters.

02/02/16 23:06:42

Do not let babies play with hacksaw blades.

29/12/15 8:43:17

Stiff competition.

20/12/15 5:07:36

White goods vehicle.

29/10/15 17:18:59

Ring road.

17/07/15 10:26:26

Marti Pellow's couch.

11/07/15 15:49:24

Bravadough.

18/06/15 9:32:37

Foresight.

22/04/15 14:37:05

Highland terrier.

10/01/15 21:30:23

It's going to be a 'braw bricht moonlicht nicht' if he don't get a move on down the glen. --Bad Boy Dennis.

Tiebreak.

15/11/14 13:59:17

Both seem to be pumped up.

13/04/19 8:26:03

"You kept me awake till 2 o'clock this morning. If you want it back, come and get it".

28/03/19 11:23:19

lamporghini.

06/03/19 15:58:17

Elijah was later arrested for rackless driving.

04/02/19 14:51:10

Outlook for windows.

12/08/18 13:07:35

"We should be made more welcome at the next pub. It's the Gorgon Dragon."

12/07/18 10:51:37

Rock music.

05/07/18 12:46:00

"So you want to buy it and open a burger chain"?

01/06/18 21:41:21

No, an upside-down W, lol. ;) --Pussy Galore

Carol had been told by the doctor that she had a slight hearing problem and acute angina.

11/02/18 13:13:25

Featherwait.

05/02/18 17:33:39

"It started with a bit of a ninjagestion".

16/01/18 13:18:17

It's a pity the Oxfam food parcels do not include a tin opener.

04/01/18 21:58:40

Outside of C and A, Dermot could not play any other notes.

"Hooray! It's a girl".

26/12/17 9:29:09

18/12/17 20:14:47

Job page.

05/09/17 19:41:42

"First the good news - You can have a 10 minute break. Now the bad news - I'm going water skiing".

13/07/17 13:39:20

Tiger Woods.

29/04/17 16:09:25

The council have admitted that the hole was in the wrong place and they are looking into it.

15/01/17 17:36:01