Chris was just 23 when his wife started looking at carpet samples.

19/08/12 20:00:38

1 room apt, London. Central location, cosy. £850 pcm.

01/09/12 11:14:42

"So, officer, why do you think the killer has OCD?"

11/07/12 20:10:09

"This is a staff announcement. Please don't forget to collect your man from the husband storage area before you leave."

19/08/12 20:00:47

lol x2

"And this is my child molesting nose"

19/01/13 13:32:19

"Stag night? Me too."

16/08/12 17:40:42

Bob insisted on the missionary position

21/05/13 14:04:02

"Lunch order for Mr Eamonn Holmes"

10/08/12 11:01:01

"I'm The Invisible Man and I'm an alcoholic"

21/01/13 8:22:10

Under new government plans, it will be easier for companies to fire staff.

14/09/12 11:36:23

"Chris, there seems to be a photo on your phone taken during that business trip to Hull..."

18/08/12 20:35:09

It was gameover for Jim on level 12 of Office Tetris

11/07/12 20:26:15

After three months, two weeks, and five days, Peter and Marjory began to suspect the No 27 didn't stop there.

20/04/13 14:03:26

"Give me an Aaarrggghh"

05/01/13 21:28:03

No one could think of a single reason why clowns shouldn't be used to clear mine-fields

11/10/12 20:05:18

The new anti-squatter laws come into force.

14/09/12 11:37:25

Police are asking the public to look out for a suspect with brown hair and of average height.

21/08/12 20:28:28

...and nine months later little Piers Morgan was born.

16/08/12 20:04:54

"Hurry up, kids. Dad wants a go"

11/08/12 16:00:23

"Shhh. Don't say anything. It'll be so funny when he notices"

19/07/12 20:23:35

Fenton!

29/06/13 12:24:32

"Herro. Me want to comrain about insulting stereotype"

23/04/13 20:56:57

"Well, if you pay peanuts..."

13/01/13 16:17:23

"Yes, there are nuts in this dish"

14/12/12 20:02:59

"I say, Tarquin, couldn't your papa use the helipad like everyone else?"

12/08/12 16:34:37

"No, we can't use that as a nesting hole"

24/06/13 12:05:32

"What does the brown flag mean?"
"I think he's just run out of toilet paper"

02/06/13 12:54:14

Some families have gone to extreme lengths to avoid the Bedroom Tax.

03/05/13 23:51:01

creative

Miss Direction

28/04/13 20:03:28

You don't mess with clampers in Texas

17/04/13 20:23:40

"Hmmm. Quite spacious for a London flat"

13/03/13 13:47:33

"This is a station announcement. Could the owner of a bowler hat and monocle please report to Lost Property"

03/03/13 16:02:34

"And how did James react to the news of your pregnancy?"
"Not well"

20/01/13 11:25:14

"Ok, kids, you don't kill, you don't eat"

18/01/13 20:04:09

lol

Mike should have guessed all was not well when he saw the wedding cake

13/01/13 20:53:17

Today only, free hobo with every sofa.

19/08/12 20:00:28

If EasyJet did cruises.

16/08/12 17:41:34

Manchester jobs fair.

13/08/12 11:02:05

America wins gold in the first Right-Wing Hillbilly Bible Reciting and Hill Climbing event.

10/08/12 13:39:48

"Ok, who put steroids in Grandpa's Ovaltine?"

25/07/12 21:25:14

"Ok, who let the work experience kid pick photos for the brochure?"

16/07/12 20:10:37

"Here, doggie..."

24/06/13 8:22:33

"And if your friends set their heads on fire would you... Oh."

17/06/13 20:41:04

Things haven't been going well lately for Bob Hoskins

28/04/13 20:17:38

"Is it a bird, is it... Oh, it is a bird. Ok, then."

24/04/13 20:04:14

"What's that, Lassie? You're so ashamed you'd like to be put down?"

21/04/13 21:05:41

Dear caption.me: Please desist from posting pictures of my missus. I don't even know how you got access to our wedding photos.

20/04/13 14:16:43

"Get me a shovel. I don't think Mr Daley knew the pool was empty"

08/04/13 18:46:45

Fortunately for Miles, his inflated ego doubled as a buoyancy aid.

14/03/13 11:03:43

Indy 500lbs

02/03/13 19:35:29

"I swear, it's not the Caption Me website. It's just hardcore porn!"

26/02/13 18:07:58

The Top Gear episode I would watch

23/09/12 20:50:09

A very compact car

23/09/12 20:46:44

After working hard at the easel, Escher enjoyed going to the park to eat.

21/09/12 16:47:40

How we would know if Americans had mastered invisibility.

12/08/12 20:05:42

The new Calvin Klein ad campaign was not a success.

10/08/12 13:31:33

"I hope that bastard centipede is minding my pint"

18/04/14 18:17:12

The "Kid's Zone" at the NRA Headquarters

19/08/13 23:15:51

John was disappointed with the DVD he bought off the Internet: Birds With Big Asses

24/06/13 12:02:33

"Yes, I want my bike back, but you can keep the saddle"

17/06/13 20:09:51

"I'm sorry, Jim, but your replacement is already 30% more productive"

28/04/13 9:53:40

Disney later decided to cut out the eighth dwarf, Skanky.

27/04/13 22:29:47

Their plane would later crash in the Andes. Despite being stranded and without food, they managed to survive for several months with just one casualty.

23/04/13 20:47:52

Bruce Wayne was hit hard by the credit crunch

26/01/13 15:22:40

"No, you're only supposed to have one criminal in the line-up"

07/01/13 17:45:22

Michael did eventually open the jar of pickled onions

07/01/13 1:52:48

"Honey, why are there carrots in my camera bag?"

18/12/12 22:07:37

John Cooper. World Hide and Seek Champion, 2012.

01/09/12 11:15:20

Why Zimbabwe didn't win any equestrian Olympic medals.

18/08/12 10:27:57

"So why did you fire the window cleaner?"

13/08/12 14:25:44

I'd hate to have to change that nappy.

02/08/12 20:19:06

"Am I through to the next round of Masterchef?"

27/07/12 23:10:23

"Please tell me I'm not the only one who can see that giant purple ape?"

26/07/12 20:49:34

Edvard Munch's baking career was short lived.

19/07/12 0:43:40