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My name is Dave and I'm a talcaholic.

22/02/22 20:05:22

"Sheila, I'm not paying a builder £100 to mix up some cement and fix the wall. I'll do it myself. How hard can it be?..."

22/02/22 20:20:46

Baking Bad

22/02/22 20:06:21

My wife left me that night. She was used to me coming home pissed from the pub, but mistaking her mother's urn for my can of Guinness was the final straw.

22/02/22 20:34:16

In the 1970s it was a common thing to see a pupil taken out by a flying blackboard rubber launched by a teacher.

22/02/22 20:08:16

Dave had had far too much to drink and was definitely plastered

22/02/22 21:43:01

...and Dave never sneezed into his Sherbet Fountain ever again

22/02/22 20:21:43

Pat-a-cake, pat-a-cake baker's man
Bake me a cake as fast as you can... Actually, take your time in future.

22/02/22 20:03:48

It's 22022022 which means today's date is a palindrome. Most people can absorb this type of information but trying to explain it to someone from Nashville, Tennessee, can have disastrous effects.

22/02/22 20:03:40

"For the last time, Pete, you don't use actual gunpowder in flour bombs!"

22/02/22 20:02:43

Dave's powdered donut addiction had spiraled out of control.

22/02/22 20:02:11

"Well, that could have gone better."

22/02/22 20:32:56

Snort cocaine, they said. It will be fun, they said.

22/02/22 20:17:43

“I told you not to put the coke near the fan.”

22/02/22 20:00:17