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Greg Curtis Vote score: 9513Greg Curtis

"Then I had this strange, autobody experience."

16/06/23 8:54:54

Tony S Vote score: 13380Tony S

"My turn."

10/06/23 11:01:55

Mr Dome  Vote score: 20602Mr Dome

£50

Ah here it is,  How to be a Tennis Umpire

05/06/23 7:22:18

Hello All. Thanks for all the very funny comments 😁. I actually was on here about 6am this morning voting and never noticed I'd won. I only realised when I an email that I'd been sent some money from Chris which is very kind thank you. I would prefer --Mr Dome
John Harrison Vote score: 11365John Harrison

Loo Ferrigno

16/05/23 11:00:51

Paul Hair Vote score: 4604Paul Hair

The Lunch Back of Notre-Dame

12/05/23 7:14:21

Mr Toad Vote score: 2088Mr Toad

“… so I said ”Give me your treadmill or I’ll rearrange your face”.

08/05/23 11:23:49

Dave Bryan Vote score: 41245Dave Bryan

Another half-arsed idea

27/04/23 7:03:31

Chris Keegan Vote score: 15837Chris Keegan

BREAKING: Doctors are accused of not taking strike action seriously.

11/04/23 19:00:13

Al Overy Vote score: 22655Al Overy

The moment when you realise that's not a Mars Bar floating towards you...

10/04/23 11:01:50

KimJong Pun Vote score: 706KimJong Pun

The great wall of china.

05/04/23 19:34:11

The Wolf Vote score: 21910The Wolf

Dave and Lucy were inconsolable after witnessing their Corgi being drowned by a random Alsatian.

04/03/23 9:39:08

KimJong Pun Vote score: 706KimJong Pun

Aunty freeze.

03/03/23 22:10:55

KT A Vote score: 13471KT A

Just enter your pin now

01/03/23 8:04:39

KimJong Pun Vote score: 706KimJong Pun

Joseph and his technicolour dream cod.

27/02/23 20:08:56

Or he could make a technicolour bream coat... --Mark Cowling
Dave Bryan Vote score: 41245Dave Bryan

''I don't like this cheese, dad. Where's The Laughing Cow?''

''Your mother will be home later.''

23/02/23 12:28:11

Julia Kinsey Vote score: 2549Julia Kinsey

Free gift with your AA membership

22/02/23 8:03:14

C CaMel Vote score: 20241C CaMel

It’s a nightmare when they fall out.

03/02/23 8:26:01

Stephen Bean Vote score: 54625Stephen Bean

The circle of lifers

29/01/23 20:00:10

Ian Skelding Vote score: 35531Ian Skelding

“Look at that, Jesus in a tunnel.”

22/01/23 12:01:28, edited: 22/01/23 12:15:40

vincent hefter Vote score: 1400vincent hefter

Game of two halves.

22/01/23 8:00:15

John Harrison Vote score: 11365John Harrison

Ski Sundae

16/01/23 12:00:13

Stephen Bean Vote score: 54625Stephen Bean

The Towel and the Pussycat

14/12/22 20:00:40

Karen Oakenfull Vote score: 3983Karen Oakenfull

“What shampoo do you use?”
“Shoulders.”

08/12/22 20:04:27

Craig Eddsenior Vote score: 2415Craig Eddsenior

Jim isn't insane for hoarding so many magazines but he does have a lot of issues.

03/12/22 20:09:09

Dave Bryan Vote score: 41245Dave Bryan

BREAKING

French step up security on Calais coast.

17/11/22 8:01:05

stoneface1 Vote score: 1936stoneface1

"Dad! Can we put the heating on now?"

13/11/22 8:00:56, edited: 13/11/22 8:01:55

Hey StonefaceI realise that the whole anon thing rubs up people the wrong way sometimes but having a nickname is also technically being anon, unless I'm sorry and that's your real name. Unfortunately you've got to allow ... --Glyn Evans
John Harrison Vote score: 11365John Harrison

Dave's wife was just relieved she hadn't gone away for the full week.

05/11/22 8:00:42

Dave Bryan Vote score: 41245Dave Bryan

WHERE ARE THEY NOW?

Somewhere near her ankles.

04/11/22 8:15:14

stoneface1 Vote score: 1936stoneface1

The waterjump at this year's Grand National was criticised for being too deep. Here's jockey, Fintan O'Shortpants, giving the thumbs up that he's ok. No news yet, on the horse he's sitting on.

28/10/22 11:08:43, edited: 28/10/22 17:58:34

Stephen Bean Vote score: 54625Stephen Bean

"Yes, that's the Fokker that scratched my car."

24/10/22 11:09:38

Kate B Vote score: 13471Kate B

On the German National Grid, many Hans make light work.

08/10/22 11:02:10

Tony S Vote score: 13380Tony S

"Don't worry love the twins are fine."

03/10/22 11:12:21

Haven't got any bonus votes to give you, but this is very creative and funny!  --Kate B
Kate B Vote score: 13471Kate B

The perfect office chair for a dead end job.

25/09/22 7:05:20

Dave Bryan Vote score: 41245Dave Bryan

''Nightingale?''

''No, I'm going to the pictures after dinner.''

15/09/22 7:03:57, edited: 15/09/22 7:07:29

I once went out with a girl named Gayle. She had a terrible wind problem. --James Lennox
Stephen Bean Vote score: 54625Stephen Bean

Man impersonating Chris Beach makes a hasty exit from caption.me headquarters after sending thousands of spicy messages.

08/09/22 7:37:19, edited: 08/09/22 7:38:57

Brilliant! Got me back again though 😂 --Ethy
Al Overy Vote score: 22655Al Overy

As Nan got older, we gradually reduced the size of the hurdles to avoid injury.

29/06/22 19:00:14

Ian Skelding Vote score: 35531Ian Skelding

“Why are you selling your stuffed Mouse?”
“He just stands there collecting dust.”

28/06/22 7:14:37

Mark England Vote score: 24346Mark England

No one is talking about the elephant in the room

30/05/22 7:44:43

Stephen Bean Vote score: 54625Stephen Bean

Red Dwarf

24/04/22 19:21:16

Tony S Vote score: 13380Tony S

I got this to attack my worst enemy with but before I could unwrap it I found out he had been found dead , suffocated with a bag over his head.

11/02/22 8:13:13

Vanessa  the Guesser Vote score: 25289Vanessa the Guesser

The Ministry of Filly Walks.

05/02/22 8:00:09

The Wolf Vote score: 21910The Wolf

£50

  “I need your clothes, your boots and your mobility scooter.”

02/12/21 12:00:09

Wow, what a nice surprise. Thanks for all of your kind words and for all the fun and silliness. And thanks to Chris for providing our creative caption world and for choosing me as the winner. Happy new year to everyone. Let's have a good one.  --The Wolf
Dan Nicholls Vote score: 20742Dan Nicholls

He really hasn't been the same since we took away his accordion.

28/10/21 7:38:54

Chris Keegan Vote score: 15837Chris Keegan

The economy has seriously hit the restaurant trade with many having to reduce the size of their kitchen staff.

16/10/21 19:03:34

Dan Nicholls Vote score: 20742Dan Nicholls

"PULL"

04/09/21 11:01:48

Love this caption. Brutally simple, but it still tells a story. Brilliant. --James Lennox
Stephen Bean Vote score: 54625Stephen Bean

The disappearance of Flight 737 remains a puzzle.

12/07/21 11:03:54

Al Overy Vote score: 22655Al Overy

Sally began to regret buying the special 'Yorkshire Edition' Scrabble.

07/07/21 19:01:00

Let by gums be by gums  --Glyn Evans
The Wolf Vote score: 21910The Wolf

"...and then Barbie said, 'Ken, I'm sick of you, go f*ck yourself'. So I nipped down to Toys R Us, picked you up and here we are"

27/06/21 19:29:49

Al Overy Vote score: 22655Al Overy

"Well, it worked with the goldfish..."

23/06/21 7:02:18

Mark England Vote score: 24346Mark England

Even mutes can get Tourettes

18/05/21 11:17:50

Do sailors say clean things when they get Tourette's? --Willie Johnson
Tony S Vote score: 13380Tony S

"Before we can dig you out Mrs Jones can you let go of your dog's lead."

11/05/21 7:08:43

Ian Skelding Vote score: 35531Ian Skelding

"You bloody missed her, I thought you said you were a professional assassin."

29/04/21 11:06:30

Ian Skelding Vote score: 35531Ian Skelding

Romancing the Stone

20/04/21 7:04:13

Hercules  Rockefeller Vote score: 16857Hercules Rockefeller

"You're home early."

28/03/21 11:01:21

Hercules. Missed the vote on your caption. Can safely say it’s one of the funniest captions, and now one of favourites. I’m still chuckling now! Xxxx 🤣😂😆 --Karen Oakenfull
Dave Bryan Vote score: 41245Dave Bryan

''I can't see Newcastle avoiding relegation, Gary. They're just too exposed at the back.''

26/03/21 8:33:21

Al Overy Vote score: 22655Al Overy

'Prince Charles said what?'

10/03/21 8:03:42

stone face Vote score: 10117stone face

"There's a sign outside 'Free fruit for children'.
Well here's the child, I'll have some apples and bananas."

03/03/21 12:15:50

Al Overy Vote score: 22655Al Overy

"Hello, is that Chris Beach? Listen, I won the January Caption competition bigly and everyone knows it! SO FIND MY MISSING VOTES!!!"

16/02/21 8:00:07

"Listen, all I need you to do is find me 25 more votes, or I won't like you as much. Stop the steal." Signed, anon voter --Willie Johnson
Al Overy Vote score: 22655Al Overy

I'd been applying for jobs for months, sent thousands of CVs and been rejected on countless occasions. Eventually I lowered my expectations and, although the pay is really crap, I am proud to call myself Trainee Assistant Dung Beetle.

06/01/21 20:00:41

Al Overy Vote score: 22655Al Overy

£50

  Blind people: never walk near swamps with an inexperienced guide dog.

05/12/20 20:07:54

... or an inexperienced bog guide.Well done Al. Great caption. --James Lennox
C CaMel Vote score: 20241C CaMel

"Sausage and egg McMuffin, no egg, and no muffin."

28/11/20 8:32:51

This is similar to what I ask for but they don't seem to understand what I mean when I say "Can you hold the sausage?" --Karyn Harrison
James Lennox Vote score: 27249James Lennox

I have a strange urge to whack her with an oversize rubber mallet.

17/11/20 9:17:11

Kenny Ireland Vote score: 6396Kenny Ireland

Sarah also had a chest freezer.

21/10/20 14:18:42

Ian Skelding Vote score: 35531Ian Skelding

Labradoodle

18/09/20 11:18:06

Michael Winner Vote score: 25611Michael Winner

Top tip: when your pets die, have them stuffed and turned into croquet hoops.

13/08/20 11:01:10

James Lennox Vote score: 27249James Lennox

The cheap seats at the opera are OK. Just make sure you duck when they turn the spotlights on.

31/07/20 7:09:57

Rachel P Vote score: 2304Rachel P

The oX Files

04/06/20 19:11:10

The truth is snout hair. :^) --Crunchy Chords
Dave Bryan Vote score: 41245Dave Bryan

''This is a station announcement for all those passengers wishing to commit suicide: The train due to be arriving on platform 1 will now be arriving on Platform 2.''

27/05/20 20:12:30

Looks like there'll be no departures today. --Karyn Harrison
Mark England Vote score: 24346Mark England

Due to a bagpipe shortage, Luton's 'Scottish Exile Pipe Band' had to improvise

22/05/20 11:12:57

But it was a bit of a Wee Crankie idea. --Woofer 6
Dave Bryan Vote score: 41245Dave Bryan

''I'm absolutely worn out, prowling round Essex all night trying to find a virgin.''

01/05/20 11:13:13

Mr Dome  Vote score: 20602Mr Dome

Hello madam. Allow me to push your stool in

04/04/20 8:41:59

The Wolf Vote score: 21910The Wolf

"So, I'm just chilling in the garden, minding my own business and having a bit of a snooze, and then it happened. F*cking lawnmower. I know he's bored but the quicker that bastard goes back to work the better"

03/04/20 11:00:39

The Wolf Vote score: 21910The Wolf

Being a first responder to a car accident on the Simpsons was a sobering experience"¦

02/04/20 11:00:09

Looks like he's covered in Marge. --Karyn Harrison
Stu Dent Vote score: 5769Stu Dent

Message in a Brothel

29/01/20 20:18:23

A sting operation resulted in a successful police raid. --Dave Bryan
The Wolf Vote score: 21910The Wolf

Pepper pig

01/12/19 20:00:06

Welsh Rarebit Vote score: 38816Welsh Rarebit

£50

For your rise only

25/11/19 8:00:08

Thanks everyone for the comments and votes. November has been a very lucky month, winning 5 times on the lottery (grand total of £67.60!) and now on caption.me! --Welsh Rarebit
The Wolf Vote score: 21910The Wolf

Beef Wellingtons

16/09/19 19:00:05

Vivvy En Vote score: 17261Vivvy En

£50

"Why are you upset...? I said 'I'd give you a ring from Cartier'."

03/09/19 12:31:20

Thanks to everyone for your kind comments and votes. I am reeling from the shock! To be in the captioners gallery is an accolade I truly never expected. I am honoured. A big thank you goes to Chris for providing this platform for us lovers of word... --Vivvy En
stone face Vote score: 10117stone face

"Must definitely go to Specsavers tomorrow." Joanne said to herself. As she wondered why the train was taking so long to leave the station.

31/08/19 7:14:50

Dave Bryan Vote score: 41245Dave Bryan

Early gurning centre

14/08/19 7:02:06

Troompa Loompa Vote score: 24667Troompa Loompa

Stop Luke and listen.

10/08/19 19:35:10

The Wolf Vote score: 21910The Wolf

Shopping Maul

08/08/19 19:44:45

Dan Nicholls Vote score: 20742Dan Nicholls

I wouldn't put my arson that.

16/07/19 11:04:15

Mark England Vote score: 24346Mark England

"Good afternoon. Today, we are in Delhi, for the semi finals of the Extreme Jenga Championship.."

30/06/19 11:05:59

C CaMel Vote score: 20241C CaMel

Worth a shot

28/06/19 7:21:50

Vanessa  the Guesser Vote score: 25289Vanessa the Guesser

"Well done, dear"

20/06/19 19:01:49

Chris Keegan Vote score: 15837Chris Keegan

Cash test dummies

12/05/19 19:21:22

Welsh Rarebit Vote score: 38816Welsh Rarebit

The Snuggly Duckling

03/05/19 7:00:09

The Wolf Vote score: 21910The Wolf

Goblet

24/04/19 11:51:55

Mr. Toad Vote score: 2088Mr. Toad

Stewards enquiry after tortoise lodges an official complaint

19/04/19 11:00:37

Chris Keegan Vote score: 15837Chris Keegan

"Borrow the car? Oh Philip, you do make one laugh sometimes"

16/02/19 12:00:07

Mr Dome  Vote score: 20602Mr Dome

Leading him a stray

09/02/19 8:08:34

Dan Nicholls Vote score: 20742Dan Nicholls

Stig of the dump.

08/12/18 8:59:38

Karyn Harrison Vote score: 14106Karyn Harrison

"Fancy going for a spin?"

06/12/18 20:00:46

Tina  Flowers Vote score: 663Tina Flowers

'I'm the bus in-spectre'.

31/10/18 20:17:56

Karyn Harrison Vote score: 14106Karyn Harrison

Drum kit

21/10/18 11:00:14

Charles Gleason Vote score: 834Charles Gleason

"Have you any idea how many people have been looking for you ?"

10/09/18 7:01:18

ant knee Vote score: 1134ant knee

Gang, nan style

13/08/18 11:00:24

Stephen Paterson Vote score: 3481Stephen Paterson

£50

This week on When Dogs Look Like Their Owners:  Piers Morgan.

17/07/18 23:32:15

Woof! Wasn't expecting that. Nice one Folks! --Stephen Paterson
Tiny Alien Vote score: 691Tiny Alien

Yoda Phone

28/06/18 7:15:55

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