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Hello madam. Allow me to push your stool in
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Mr Dome  Vote score: 9401Mr Dome

Hello madam. Allow me to push your stool in

04/04/20 9:41:59

 
Dan Nicholls Vote score: 14551Dan Nicholls

I know a Charmin little restaurant...

04/04/20 8:00:40

 
Rachel P Vote score: 1462Rachel P

“Excuse me! There’s a ply in my soup”

04/04/20 9:36:29

 
Dave Bryan Vote score: 8994Dave Bryan

''Don't bother with the soup, waiter. I'll just have the roll.''

04/04/20 8:00:59

 
Neil Mackenzie Vote score: 10552Neil Mackenzie

Bum Appetite.

04/04/20 10:39:26

 
Dave Bryan Vote score: 8994Dave Bryan

''And I'll have the soap of the day.''

04/04/20 9:05:00

 
stone face Vote score: 7439stone face

"Well that was a bog standard meal."

04/04/20 8:00:37

 
Vivvy En Vote score: 5599Vivvy En

"I'm having the turtle head soup for starters"

04/04/20 9:45:28

 
Chris Keegan Vote score: 8406Chris Keegan

Note to self...never return to a restaurant when you previously left a review on TripAdvisor stating they can stick their 'fine dining experience' up their a*se.

04/04/20 8:47:44

 
Dave Bryan Vote score: 8994Dave Bryan

''Boggy bag please.''

04/04/20 8:09:02

 2
You could shorten this to “Boggy bag please.” --Neil Mackenzie
Gavin Smithers Vote score: 387Gavin Smithers

Here you are, Sir- the most expensive dish on the menu.

05/04/20 21:16:39

 
Michael Winner Vote score: 22855Michael Winner

Ooh, I remember those- we used to have them back in the old days, way back in January 2020.

04/04/20 11:07:45

 
Ian Skelding Vote score: 21923Ian Skelding

"Waiter, I have tissues with this meal."

04/04/20 10:08:01

 
Dave Bryan Vote score: 8994Dave Bryan

''You've hardly touched your meal, sir. If it's too rare, I'll get you another one.''

04/04/20 8:19:36

 
Neil Mackenzie Vote score: 10552Neil Mackenzie

This is complementary in case you shit yourself when you see the prices.

04/04/20 11:04:51

 
Neil Mackenzie Vote score: 10552Neil Mackenzie

Far too much. One sheet is Plenty.

04/04/20 10:41:24

 
Mark Wilson Vote score: 990Mark Wilson

Excuse me waiter, I didn't order this for dessert.
I know sir but we just realised the oysters in your main course were gone off.

04/04/20 10:35:33

 
  Smuldo Vote score: 11583 Smuldo

"It was OK but the brown sauce was horrible..."

04/04/20 9:13:20

 
Glyn Evans Vote score: 6510Glyn Evans

"Someone's been eating our toilet paper" said Mommy bear.
"That's incredibly reckless" said Daddy bear "doesn't Goldilocks know that we're self-isolating? Is she a COVIDIOT?"

04/04/20 8:59:31

 2
You had me at COVIDIOT. --Scrijjy Doo
Vanessa  the Guesser Vote score: 11492Vanessa the Guesser

"I think I've bitten off more than I can poo."

04/04/20 8:15:45

 
Hercules  Rockefeller Vote score: 6571Hercules Rockefeller

Still tastes better than the Impossible Burger.

04/04/20 8:08:32

 
Stephen Bean Vote score: 9217Stephen Bean

WARNING: Police have been given special powers to inspect homes. Anyone found with more than 6 toilet rolls will be forced to eat one.

04/04/20 8:05:29

 
Dot Old Vote score: 896Dot Old

Vindaloo roll

04/04/20 8:03:56

 
stone face Vote score: 7439stone face

"MUM! Nan's wiping her arse with a piece of cod again."

04/04/20 8:02:03

 1
A codpiece? --Willie Johnson
Karyn Harrison Vote score: 4394Karyn Harrison

Do YOU love anyone enough to give them your last roll?

04/04/20 8:00:11

 1
John  Glover Vote score: 20324John Glover

"Chef, Gordon Ramsey has sent it back saying it tastes like shit."

04/04/20 12:06:58

 
Neil Mackenzie Vote score: 10552Neil Mackenzie

When Bupa ask for a Stool Sample they make a meal of it.

04/04/20 10:47:48

 
Tony Edwards Vote score: 31406Tony Edwards

Poovelle cuisine

04/04/20 9:30:51

 
Guideaux . Vote score: 2212Guideaux .

"Can I have another pint of bleech please?"

04/04/20 8:49:32

 1
I like how you spelled bleach. Very descriptive. You could just imagine someone drinking it and saying "BLEECH!". (*But don't do this at home.) --Willie Johnson
Vivvy En Vote score: 5599Vivvy En

Cordon poo

04/04/20 8:39:17

 
Willie Johnson Vote score: 1359Willie Johnson

"When I said 'why don't we just have dinner from the can', this is not exactly what I meant."

04/04/20 8:38:04

 
Mr Dome  Vote score: 9401Mr Dome

- Harro and welcome to Star of China restaurant. What you want order?
- A number 2 please

04/04/20 8:27:51

 
Stu Dent Vote score: 3738Stu Dent

A amuse douche for starters

04/04/20 8:16:01

 
Molly R Vote score: 1663Molly R

In our family, we are expected to clean our plates.

04/04/20 8:02:59

 
Dan Nicholls Vote score: 14551Dan Nicholls

The food here is sheet.

04/04/20 8:01:07

 
The Wolf Vote score: 6968The Wolf

"I told you we should've saved some room for food in the cupboards"

04/04/20 8:00:11

 
Lucky Elperro Vote score: 4451Lucky Elperro

Dash of the day.

05/04/20 18:30:33

 
GeeDee Vote score: 2851GeeDee

Can someone pass the me the brown sauce please?

04/04/20 21:00:52

 
J Gaskill Vote score: 109J Gaskill

A meal for Sean Penn, to wipe that puckered butthole smirk off his face.

04/04/20 16:59:26

 
larry G. Vote score: 1471larry G.

Shitty dinner arrangements.

04/04/20 16:51:33

 
Dev B Vote score: 599Dev B

A breathearian lifestyle

04/04/20 14:53:57

 
C CaMel Vote score: 5701C CaMel

2-ply one's date with alcohol.

04/04/20 13:54:35

 
Vivvy En Vote score: 5599Vivvy En

Hygiene Rating: 5 - Heston Bumenthal's

04/04/20 11:42:05

 
Troompa Loompa Vote score: 18017Troompa Loompa

The soup was so hot Paddy got turd degree burns.

04/04/20 10:48:50

 
Mr Dome  Vote score: 9401Mr Dome

Starter, main, afters. (Lube, fleshlight, tissues). Yep. I'm all prepared for a night of self isolation wanking

04/04/20 10:04:38

 
Tony Edwards Vote score: 31406Tony Edwards

Arsetic roll

04/04/20 9:56:48

 
Paul Reeve Vote score: 5558Paul Reeve

“Good evening Mr Shitz, your usual table?.”

04/04/20 9:48:36

 
Mr Dome  Vote score: 9401Mr Dome

- Swiss??
- No. It's legit

04/04/20 9:40:46

 
Vanessa  the Guesser Vote score: 11492Vanessa the Guesser

"Waiter, I've found a curly hare on my plate!"
"Well, it is nearly Easter."

04/04/20 9:26:50

 
C CaMel Vote score: 5701C CaMel

"Supplies!"

04/04/20 9:19:59

 
Dot Old Vote score: 896Dot Old

"Can you pasta the salt please?"

04/04/20 8:58:37

 
Glyn Evans Vote score: 6510Glyn Evans

"This won't do - the pastry's far too dry and there's no sausage meat!"

04/04/20 8:57:26

 
Vivvy En Vote score: 5599Vivvy En

"Here's your dinner. That should put a smile on your faeces."

04/04/20 8:56:59

 
Dave Bryan Vote score: 8994Dave Bryan

''It must be a gastro pub.''

04/04/20 8:35:19

 
Willie Johnson Vote score: 1359Willie Johnson

"I know you don't have any confidence in the chef, but do you have to go this far to show it?"

04/04/20 8:34:57

 
Willie Johnson Vote score: 1359Willie Johnson

Aren't you supposed to use that AFTER dinner?

04/04/20 8:29:09

 
stone face Vote score: 7439stone face

"And do you think it was still a good idea, to put a labrador puppy in charge of the panic buying."

04/04/20 8:22:37

 
stone face Vote score: 7439stone face

"Now you're being sarcastic..All I sad was, if you ever make a decent meal I'll wipe the plate clean."

04/04/20 8:20:13

 
Vanessa  the Guesser Vote score: 11492Vanessa the Guesser

"I wanted you to dish the dirt."

04/04/20 8:08:45

 
Dan Nicholls Vote score: 14551Dan Nicholls

THIS IS ALL WELL AND GOOD BUT I CAN SEE A FINGERPRINT ON THE KNIFE.

04/04/20 8:02:12

 
Stephen Bean Vote score: 9217Stephen Bean

T. And-Rex

04/04/20 8:01:55

 
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