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''It's stopped raining, darling. Let's get out of here.''
24/08/20 20:35:28
When your remote falls down the back of the pouch.
24/08/20 11:05:55
A man for all seasons
23/08/20 19:00:15
"No nick-a la sturgeon!"
23/08/20 11:00:12
That's so fake. You can see the thin wires holding the spider up! Duh.
22/08/20 7:50:44
Tom later moved onto bigger furniture but unfortunately suffered from a slipped desk."
21/08/20 7:40:45
7,8,9,10 ... Coming ready or not
18/08/20 12:10:48
"Darling, can you smell ga....."
18/08/20 7:01:34
Hanker Chief
15/08/20 19:08:34
Where's the poop deck?
11/08/20 19:23:30
"Of course it's safe, President Trump sanctioned it."
10/08/20 19:41:14
"This'll teach the b*st*rds for leaving me in Tesco's car park with the windows up."
08/08/20 20:38:38
" It's me, open the door"
06/08/20 8:49:41
A Doc Holiday Inn
03/08/20 11:13:54
He's screwed now, the combination is their wedding anniversary.
29/07/20 13:08:21
"We've always dreamed of having a large family."
26/07/20 7:34:08
Things were going great at the Jason And The Argonauts reuninon party.
22/07/20 7:03:16
6th form college prepares for visit from Prince Andrew.
20/07/20 19:05:12
" We're behind schedule, you'll have to carry on working through your lunch"
18/07/20 11:14:45
"Apart from the holes in the shower curtain, this Bates Motel seems nice love."
17/07/20 11:57:08
Linda, when did you last clean these windows?
17/07/20 11:06:20
"This is the last time I go for a roll in the hay with you."
14/07/20 7:00:05
Donald Trump speaks to another sold out arena
13/07/20 19:00:06
"After these I will have to do my roots".
12/07/20 12:48:30
"I'd love to hang out with you but I'm not a ceiling fan."
12/07/20 7:09:50
"Who buried Homer?"
10/07/20 11:33:44
"Brace yourselves statues. Seagull approaching"
08/07/20 11:05:27
Dave was devastated when his mum and dad suggested it was time he moved out.
02/07/20 7:07:42
01/07/20 7:00:07
Yet another blond moment strikes, Linda had an appointment to see the Doc.
26/06/20 11:24:50
He would never have tried smoking if he hadn't been egged on.
19/06/20 19:16:49
Lard of the Rings
11/06/20 19:06:11
Ready for your speech, Mr. President.
08/06/20 19:18:35
08/06/20 19:00:08
"...and that's why my pants were round my ankles officer.'
08/06/20 7:03:26
Star player
05/06/20 11:08:00
Life for Dave was hard. The only known squirrel in Britain with a nut allergy.
31/05/20 11:04:50
"He shagged me from behind, so he's off to the vet.""You getting him put down?""No, he's getting his nails clipped!"
29/05/20 7:12:01
Secret footage emerges of early Russia preparations underway for 2024 Paralympics
27/05/20 19:22:56
News has reached the fishermen that the schools will soon be back.
25/05/20 7:34:45
Scotsman loses 20p in Clyde.
24/05/20 19:33:59
the annual dance for The Elevator Accident Survivors Club.
19/05/20 13:51:17
Bin Trouble in Little Diner.
18/05/20 12:40:22
He obviously has a screw loose.
18/05/20 7:00:06
The Gran National
10/05/20 7:23:42
Daughterfall.
02/05/20 19:01:32
Extreme social distancing
30/04/20 19:08:05
''We had to take him off transplants. He kept eating the liver.''
30/04/20 8:09:19
''How do you feel since you've been on the Frontline?''''Great. It's got rid of all my fleas.''
30/04/20 7:28:49
Gloves and mask are required PPE - Lab coat is optional.
30/04/20 7:03:23
Ken Barlow has a lot of skeletons in the closet....including Deirdre.
26/04/20 11:06:25
''Dostoyevsky always cracks me up.''
23/04/20 19:06:18
She later moved on to Nelson's column
21/04/20 7:10:44
Fly tipping
18/04/20 19:00:03
I hope to move here, I'm sick of living in Wanking.
16/04/20 19:19:03
Tom Baker
13/04/20 19:21:27
"You should get a gastric band, like mine!"
13/04/20 7:18:41
Dame Judi Drench
08/04/20 7:37:06
Sarah has a drinking problem
08/04/20 7:01:26
In 1977 it was reserved for a Ford.
05/04/20 19:26:21
Tonight on 'Who Do You Think You Are?', Chris Evans discovers that his ancient relative was just as annoying.
05/04/20 7:34:17
I know a Charmin little restaurant...
04/04/20 7:00:40
To: parents@gmail.com"I have your children. Will exchange for 6 rolls of bog paper and a bottle of hand sanitiser. Do you agree with these terms?"To: kidnapper@gmail.com"Nah, keep them."
31/03/20 12:07:22
A you sure there is no toilet roll left.
28/03/20 8:25:16
''If I were you, I wouldn't keep shouting 'Heel'.''
21/03/20 8:02:07
Hot Tin Roof on a Cat
20/03/20 12:38:53
Children have been instructed to make sure their parents practice social distancing..
20/03/20 8:24:52
"F*ck off Daddy her boobs are mine."
20/03/20 8:00:16
"What the Dick Inns?"
16/03/20 12:01:31
🎵 Baby, Comb Back 🎵
13/03/20 8:05:39
There's nothing better than sneaking up on a slow flying Seagull and stealing its ice cream...
12/03/20 8:00:38
Labradoor
09/03/20 20:32:10
"Love, you're not you when you're hungry."
05/03/20 20:00:46
Gutter press
03/03/20 8:05:26
Pareidolia is a psychological phenomenon that causes people to see faces in everyday things, unless you're a Captioneer and then you see tits and penises.
27/02/20 20:12:02
"When I practice golf indoors I always use a tee towel."
26/02/20 20:00:13
Blue cross sale on 'til Easter, when prices will rise again.
22/02/20 8:52:28
Freeze spider!! You are under a wrist
20/02/20 20:47:15
"There was this one time, at band camp...."
20/02/20 12:50:27
"Who ate all the flies?"
17/02/20 13:02:04
"Fancy going out?"
14/02/20 20:00:28
In a shocking autobiography out next week, entitled "I hated the bastard" Captain Birdseye's granddaughter tells all.
13/02/20 22:53:41
"Honest Noah, they'll be fine if you just leave them in the sea."
13/02/20 8:02:04
This isn't what I ordered. Could you change it?
11/02/20 8:07:44
With weather like this it's just nice to be out.
07/02/20 20:19:21
Whoever did this deserves aSLAP
05/02/20 21:48:30
The Holey Trinity
05/02/20 8:00:22
Back in the saddle
01/02/20 12:36:09
"Try it on, if you're game."
29/01/20 12:25:46
Trophy wife
25/01/20 12:37:38
"Norman Stanley Fetcher.."
24/01/20 20:56:19
Guinness World Record attempt by giraffe about to wing-walk on Alaskan plane...
23/01/20 20:00:32
"Will you give it a rest and stop nit picking, woman!"
23/01/20 8:03:09
Eating chocolate coins with the wrappers still on hurts a bit, but your poo looks fantastic.
22/01/20 20:33:52
Sainsburys are forced to close as a Tate and Lyle delivery goes horribly wrong.
17/01/20 9:13:05
Never give bubblegum to your dog.
16/01/20 23:35:44
This is a picture of my late Grandad. I remember his last words..."F*ck me, a bus..."
09/01/20 13:15:42
Star Wars isn't for everyone's pallet.
07/01/20 12:14:58
Bet Grinch
06/01/20 20:18:52
Falling out of cinq
05/01/20 20:24:27
clever 
