clever

Here's to you, Mrs Robinson.

03/12/18 8:00:05

"For the last time - all three of us have got headaches."

01/12/18 8:01:46

Rotary Club, Ladies Section

18/11/18 20:00:10

Oh, stop hogging the sofa!

01/09/18 7:00:25

No, you can *not* drive the car. Period.

02/12/18 20:00:24

You can't go up in the world without education.

02/11/18 20:00:11

It's nearly lunchtime at the Daily Mail newsdesk.

07/10/18 11:00:06

He's a good mathematician, but a bad speller

27/09/18 11:19:02

"Diet Pepsi, please".

03/11/18 8:00:06

I'm so glad I came!

16/09/18 19:00:17

I hate the way all this Christmas stuff starts to appear even before Bonfire Night.

07/10/18 7:00:09

"Mister, are you a dinosaur?"
"Well, some people would say so."

23/11/18 12:26:55

The world Simon championships were held lately.

28/10/18 8:28:28

Ooh, I feel better for that.

02/09/18 7:01:28

The Swiss never quite got the hang of the yard of ale competition.

11/10/18 7:00:24

24/09/18 7:01:00

My feet are killing me

03/09/18 7:00:46

Barbie looked out of this world, but Ken hadn't got a thing to wear.

28/11/18 20:00:06

They'll never spot that I'm a dog in this disguise.

28/11/18 12:00:09

Teddycotta Army.

27/11/18 20:00:08

"Didn't anyone ever teach you to knock?"

26/11/18 12:01:05

Head and shoulders above the rest.

25/11/18 8:00:05

Prostetnic Vogon Jeltz sighed. He hated having to work with all these stupid aliens.

03/11/18 12:00:22

Fatman a-blobbin'

21/10/18 7:00:09

Here's looking at you, kid.

14/10/18 7:00:09

The Japanese remake of "A Clockwork Orange" didn't match up to the original.

29/09/18 11:02:33

I thought at least Delia would have turned up.

21/09/18 11:00:15

You might want to give it a minute or two

02/09/18 10:57:09

creative

♪ Rockhoppers around the Christmas tree..♪

Tue 20:00:07

"Okay, Pearl, it *would* be a starry night, if it wasn't for all this fog."

14/11/18 12:00:33

"Where do minibuses come from? Well, when a daddy bus and a mummy bus love each other very much..."

14/11/18 8:02:41

Van driver gives other traffic the bird.

12/11/18 20:00:14

I am plotting the details of your death.

08/11/18 12:34:23

I know it's traditional to have a chimney sweep at a wedding, but I wasn't expecting to be used as the brush.

06/11/18 12:01:21

I thought if I tied my sticks to my ski-suit, I wouldn't lose them...

04/11/18 8:02:23

And they told me accountancy was a nice safe job.

27/10/18 7:02:02

It's much quicker than taking Southern Rail.

25/10/18 7:02:29

In my previous life I was a page-boy at a wedding.

23/10/18 11:01:46

"We're on the wrong platform, Vera - this must be the Northern Line."

22/10/18 7:00:21

Told you it would start to rain as soon as you hung that lot out.

20/10/18 11:00:25

Sure, it's a cryptic crossword clue, but I can't work out the anagram half.

16/10/18 11:00:19

"Didn't you realise how much it would upset him if you took the last banana?"

16/10/18 7:00:08

Low-down bum

03/10/18 11:00:11

I can't get Sky on mine - how did you set yours up?

28/09/18 7:04:00

This is great, I don't have to spend any money on cigarettes

14/09/18 11:00:21

If this race wasn't restricted to twins, we could have more contestants

28/08/18 11:01:45

These special therapeutic cigars demonstrate what a prick you are to smoke at all.

15/08/18 7:14:37

After Elon Musk's attempt to send a car into space, he is now beta-testing a low-flying bike.

14/08/18 11:03:58

When you said "Let's go and get high", this is not exactly what I thought you meant.

01/08/18 16:21:01

No, I don't want a light - I can see in the dark.

Thu 12:07:53