lol creative clever

As it turned out, there was some opposition to "Boris for PM".

24/05/19 21:01:08

Duck-filled fatty puss.

20/02/19 8:05:12

creative

"It's roundish, about *this* size, probably no longer smiling..."

09/12/18 8:05:47

clever

Here's to you, Mrs Robinson.

03/12/18 8:00:05

"No, I can't tell you why Death has such a bright halo."

02/06/19 22:02:16

creative

"I know I said I wanted a sturdier pair of nutcrackers, but..."

11/12/18 8:02:29

"For the last time - all three of us have got headaches."

01/12/18 8:01:46

Ohio officials seek vandal who dumped sign in countryside.

14/06/19 12:18:12

Two-timer

04/01/19 8:00:18

Joe was annoyed that all the cheese and pineapple had already been eaten.

19/12/18 20:31:39

After the Lion ate the Scarecrow, only the Tin Man was left to cultivate opium poppies for Dorothy.

05/08/19 12:00:08

The UK economy, 1st November 2019

02/08/19 12:01:10

"OK, I'll fend off the Ravenous Bugblatter Beast from Traal with your umbrella, while you Instagram it."

27/05/19 8:35:07

But I asked for a six-foot bed!

22/12/18 12:00:29

Rotary Club, Ladies Section

18/11/18 20:00:10

lol

Wow, I've always found firemen so sexy - you're not busy, are you?

26/01/19 20:00:11

Oh, stop hogging the sofa!

01/09/18 8:00:25

"Of course she'll bounce. You just be ready to catch her when she comes back up."

12/06/19 22:07:20

"These are my Valentine's Day trousers - they say I love you from the heart of my bottom."

03/02/19 20:00:05

It's taking a while for my horse to adapt to life in Australia.

31/12/18 8:00:26

No, you can *not* drive the car. Period.

02/12/18 20:00:24

You can't go up in the world without education.

02/11/18 20:00:11

It's nearly lunchtime at the Daily Mail newsdesk.

07/10/18 12:00:06

He's a good mathematician, but a bad speller

27/09/18 12:19:02

"It's no good, Elliott, I can't make us fly."

27/08/19 12:00:17

"Cough, please"

19/08/19 8:00:21

A sight for four eyes.

12/08/19 20:00:10

OK, I admit it - the father was a coconut. Doctor, will I ever walk again?"

29/05/19 12:01:23

The water in both tubs has completely evaporated while waiting months for caption.me to use this photo.

13/03/19 20:13:56

"Stop, Frederick, the soldiers are coming!"
"Well, OK, just the Minute Waltz, then."

07/02/19 8:06:12

Someone's had a pooh in this suit.

01/01/19 8:02:16

The Golden Globe awards were low-budget this year.

22/12/18 20:00:06

Security precautions at the Texas School Book Depository when Trump does Dallas.

21/12/18 20:00:09

Tracey was not really very good at playing air guitar.

13/12/18 8:00:13

Told him not to smoke Marlboro Gold.

11/12/18 20:00:11

"Diet Pepsi, please".

03/11/18 8:00:06

I'm so glad I came!

16/09/18 20:00:17

Good morning, Mr Weinstein.

18/09/19 9:12:15

"So I said to him - no, no, listen, this is really funny! - I said - this was in reply to that thing he said - so I took a deep breath and I said..."

"P*ss off."

02/09/19 8:00:57

We've tried and tried, but we can't get both our wheelchairs in there.

16/08/19 8:04:55

No, don't pull the baby behind you - do what other mothers do, and push it ahead of you into the traffic.

13/08/19 8:43:11

Bloody pavement cyclists, I've had a belly full of them.

05/07/19 8:00:43

All six Flat Earth Societies were partly right.

23/02/19 8:02:51

But you still cannot see Death approaching...

09/01/19 20:00:52

"After the divorce, my other half got the car engine and the plough."

29/12/18 8:03:47

"After that party last night, I feel as if all the stuffing has been knocked out of me."

12/12/18 20:00:07

I hate the way all this Christmas stuff starts to appear even before Bonfire Night.

07/10/18 8:00:09

"This is much more fun than shitting in the woods!"

06/10/19 20:00:08

In hindsight, it hadn't been a good idea to build ski jumps in Florida.

19/07/19 12:01:01

I can't lego of my head!

14/06/19 20:00:08

OK, I ate the kid's arm. So?

19/05/19 12:01:57

"No use to me, I'm going to flog it."

31/12/18 8:00:06

"This is go-faster juice, innit?"

09/12/18 20:00:29

"Mister, are you a dinosaur?"
"Well, some people would say so."

23/11/18 12:26:55

The world Simon championships were held lately.

28/10/18 8:28:28

Ooh, I feel better for that.

02/09/18 8:01:28

Ms Remains-of-the-World 2069

18/09/19 12:08:57

Ku Klux Klan, Thames branch

25/08/19 8:02:10

Boris Johnson's new cabinet

(Nod to 12:00:15 with similar thoughts)

25/07/19 12:00:39

You can't possibly want to eat my finger when you've already eaten my other leg!

17/06/19 12:00:29

"Clark, honey? Can you just fly down and rescue me from all these ugly people?"

09/06/19 8:39:50

Radiation from the television had already destroyed his neck, hands and feet, but now he blocked it with his iPad.

10/04/19 12:00:05

Prostetnic Vogon Jeltz scowled.

04/04/19 12:00:07

"That's the last time I carry my toddler on my shoulders."

03/04/19 20:00:21

Michael Molpurgo's latest: War Kitten

18/03/19 8:04:53

At the Monday morning team meetings, it was easy to tell that Clive was the only teetotaller.

16/03/19 8:00:22

Earphones for the deaf.

08/03/19 20:03:57

"Yes, it's the only way we can get 4G around here."

02/03/19 20:02:47

"I wish I'd brought one of the wife's scatter cushions to hold on my lap."

01/03/19 12:02:53

When your profile said you had an 18-inch waist, I expected the rest of you to be in proportion

21/02/19 12:00:38

He was disappointed. He had hoped for a fried egg that looked like Jesus.

17/02/19 20:00:54

"I can't believe nobody remembered the hang-gliders."

05/02/19 8:02:42

Reminder to self...

17/01/19 20:00:43

"I'm not sitting too close to her, just look at the warning notice."

08/01/19 12:00:04

How I feel after Christmas

30/12/18 12:00:36

I don't think much of this smokers' area.

14/12/18 8:05:53

The Swiss never quite got the hang of the yard of ale competition.

11/10/18 8:00:24

24/09/18 8:01:00

My feet are killing me

03/09/18 8:00:46

I'd have got through if it hadn't been for that pesky radio aerial.

26/09/19 8:00:14

Stupid creatures - they really believe I'm a statuette.

16/09/19 13:00:06

You can always tell a Freemason.

11/09/19 20:00:08

FX: The quick brown cow jumps over the lazy dogs.

18/08/19 20:00:04

The Inter-species Amputee Association annual outing.

19/07/19 8:00:18

Miss Havisham enjoys a rare day out at the zoo.

15/07/19 8:00:14

I am the light of the world. Whoever follows me will never walk in darkness, but will have the light of life. So long as you feed me, that is.

12/06/19 8:04:25

"Follow the road through the blue barriers. You have reached your destination."

06/06/19 8:03:02

The magician was actually trying to disappear the can of Coke.

16/04/19 8:03:16

I don't think much of Tesco's cheese.

14/04/19 12:00:27

"I already phoned you once, Mummy - now GET ME SOME CHIPS!"

26/03/19 20:06:13

"Oi, you, Aquaman! Keep your hands to yourself!"

21/03/19 8:03:49

An ice job if you can get it.

07/03/19 12:10:10

After the Korean War ended, Corporal Klinger had to find a new job.

27/02/19 12:01:46

Lucien Freud's breakfast

17/02/19 13:04:30

Don't tell him about the, like, typo.

16/02/19 8:02:26

If one more boy sits down, he'll break the record.

10/02/19 12:00:14

"See you? See that camera of yours? See this putty knife? You'll be feeling it in a minute if you don't get out of here."

01/02/19 12:01:35

"Don't you think you should do something about those varicose veins?"

31/01/19 8:01:31

You're supposed to be advertising Hofmeister, not Harp!

30/01/19 8:00:10

Ethel, do you think this chicken house is rather too hot?

28/01/19 12:00:24

I'm really into this programme.

22/01/19 20:00:07

Theresa May gives permission for a food bank to be opened on Ben Nevis.

25/12/18 8:03:51

Foot of the bed

22/12/18 12:00:07

It's a nurse shark - it looks after the baby when we're getting hammered at the beach bar.

15/12/18 12:01:07

On Saturday night, he lost his head and got legless.

09/12/18 8:08:43

Barbie looked out of this world, but Ken hadn't got a thing to wear.

28/11/18 20:00:06

They'll never spot that I'm a dog in this disguise.

28/11/18 12:00:09

Teddycotta Army.

27/11/18 20:00:08

"Didn't anyone ever teach you to knock?"

26/11/18 12:01:05

Head and shoulders above the rest.

25/11/18 8:00:05

Prostetnic Vogon Jeltz sighed. He hated having to work with all these stupid aliens.

03/11/18 12:00:22

Fatman a-blobbin'

21/10/18 8:00:09

Here's looking at you, kid.

14/10/18 8:00:09

The Japanese remake of "A Clockwork Orange" didn't match up to the original.

29/09/18 12:02:33

I thought at least Delia would have turned up.

21/09/18 12:00:15

You might want to give it a minute or two

02/09/18 11:57:09

"My right leg? Well, as I was walking to the fairground, I stepped too close to this storm drain..."

Thu 12:58:45

"Father, I cannot tell a lie..."

27/09/19 8:03:25

"Although I have the body of a weak and feeble bitch..."

24/09/19 8:06:58

This way, I don't look in the least bit orange.

30/08/19 8:37:17

Father Mackenzie? You were right there beside me a moment ago.

26/08/19 8:00:19

♪ Froggie went a-courtin' and he did ride, uh-huh, uh-huh ♪

16/08/19 12:00:43

She was angry not to have been cast in Swan Lake.

15/08/19 13:34:44

She is one hot chick.

13/08/19 20:00:08

August in Canada.

11/08/19 20:01:09

♪ "In a clearing stands a boxer..." ♪

06/07/19 8:13:18

That's quite a boner.

27/06/19 8:00:08

Jesus, he's legless again!

10/06/19 12:00:05

Mummy, why's the Big Bad Wolf pretending to be one of the meerkats?

10/06/19 8:17:02

"Back to the Future 17" was a low-budget production.

01/06/19 12:02:44

He's a rubbish guitarist.

18/04/19 8:00:22

Hit any key to continue.

17/04/19 20:00:07

Going for a spin in the country.

17/04/19 8:03:41

Banksy, live!

11/04/19 12:00:38

My last car was thirsty, but this one is just hungry.

11/04/19 8:01:55

A toothsome offering

03/04/19 12:00:26

I can't imagine why I've got such a painful headache.

28/03/19 12:29:30

"Give us back our flat-iron!"

26/03/19 12:00:07

I never expected the Rapture to include livestock.

25/03/19 20:10:16

My wife said she wanted a new hairbrush. Personally, I think she has something else in mind.

17/03/19 20:02:19

These bloody Daleks shed their skins everywhere

12/03/19 12:00:25

Better a dinner of herbs where love is than a stalled ox and hatred therewith.

11/03/19 12:00:06

I collected them from the local urinal.

05/03/19 20:00:07

I do wish he would stick to licking his own goolies.

28/02/19 12:00:08

An unexpected benefit of the hamster wheel was ending up with four legs.

26/02/19 20:00:08

It's the only way we could find to stop him licking his goolies.

22/02/19 20:00:32

"One day, Sharon, when I'm very old and very rich, I'll take you to... Canvey Island."

03/02/19 12:01:36

"Dear, dear, dear. Oh dear, dear, dear."

31/01/19 20:00:05

"I know it doesn't make any sense, but the colours are pretty."

26/01/19 8:03:47

Nah, I can't read it - I'm from Essex.

20/01/19 20:00:09

"Honey, what have you done with my gloves?"

18/01/19 20:00:20

The clock is about to strike six.

16/01/19 20:00:06

Boot-table device

12/01/19 12:00:45

Air craft head

06/01/19 8:08:08

I don't think they will see my donkey under this coat.

05/01/19 14:40:30

Shell suit

02/01/19 20:00:19

I only asked for my beard to be shaved off.

29/12/18 20:02:50

Tongues are wagging

27/12/18 12:02:55

All the town's drivers combine to destroy the toes of anyone who posts a "Gulliver" caption.

18/12/18 20:00:08

It's bit ropey, and no matter where you park it, somebody pinches the wheels

12/12/18 12:00:49

creative

♪ Rockhoppers around the Christmas tree..♪

04/12/18 20:00:07

"Okay, Pearl, it *would* be a starry night, if it wasn't for all this fog."

14/11/18 12:00:33

"Where do minibuses come from? Well, when a daddy bus and a mummy bus love each other very much..."

14/11/18 8:02:41

Van driver gives other traffic the bird.

12/11/18 20:00:14

I am plotting the details of your death.

08/11/18 12:34:23

I know it's traditional to have a chimney sweep at a wedding, but I wasn't expecting to be used as the brush.

06/11/18 12:01:21

I thought if I tied my sticks to my ski-suit, I wouldn't lose them...

04/11/18 8:02:23

And they told me accountancy was a nice safe job.

27/10/18 8:02:02

It's much quicker than taking Southern Rail.

25/10/18 8:02:29

In my previous life I was a page-boy at a wedding.

23/10/18 12:01:46

"We're on the wrong platform, Vera - this must be the Northern Line."

22/10/18 8:00:21

Told you it would start to rain as soon as you hung that lot out.

20/10/18 12:00:25

Sure, it's a cryptic crossword clue, but I can't work out the anagram half.

16/10/18 12:00:19

"Didn't you realise how much it would upset him if you took the last banana?"

16/10/18 8:00:08

Low-down bum

03/10/18 12:00:11

I can't get Sky on mine - how did you set yours up?

28/09/18 8:04:00

This is great, I don't have to spend any money on cigarettes

14/09/18 12:00:21

If this race wasn't restricted to twins, we could have more contestants

28/08/18 12:01:45

These special therapeutic cigars demonstrate what a prick you are to smoke at all.

15/08/18 8:14:37

After Elon Musk's attempt to send a car into space, he is now beta-testing a low-flying bike.

14/08/18 12:03:58

When you said "Let's go and get high", this is not exactly what I thought you meant.

01/08/18 17:21:01

But I don't need a second coat!

Tue 8:00:26

♪ Somebody's knocking on your door... Somebody's ringing your bell... ♪

Mon 13:45:24

Teddy bears' picnic tea

05/10/19 12:00:38

One for David Cameron to betray, one for Boris Johnson to betray, and...

02/10/19 20:00:13

Uber Eats delivery at local Korean restaurant.

24/09/19 13:05:38

I've tried playing it on the piano, but nobody will swallow it.

06/09/19 12:19:57

"Oh darling, at last we have escaped from our boring spouses!"

29/08/19 12:04:03

No, look, it's on the right side of your mouth - just give it a wipe!

28/08/19 8:01:06

"Glorious, victorious, one tiny mouse between the four of us, thanks be to god there isn't any more of us..."

27/08/19 20:03:50

I need a hand with captioning this one.

26/08/19 20:00:19

Psst, Albert, remember you are supposed to hold the reins.

25/08/19 20:00:19

The local council had discovered that tree-breeding was a cheap way to produce traffic signs

24/08/19 8:01:05

I like my drink with ice and a slice

23/08/19 12:00:25

These eggs are rather too old.

20/08/19 8:00:24

"Should I have another McDonalds shake, I wonder?"

19/08/19 12:01:07

I quite like Deliveroo, but the packaging is hard to open.

17/08/19 12:00:06

These hearing aids help you to lip-read.

08/08/19 8:04:53

Crazy daisies

21/07/19 8:06:28

"Where's my wife gone? Looks like never the Twain shall meet."

06/07/19 12:00:34