Bodies in perfect cemetery

09/01/13 15:06:42

Bill regretted his Organ Donor Card falling out when he went in for a broken leg!

19/11/12 20:17:52

lol

"He shagged me from behind, so he's off to the vet."

"You getting him put down?"

"No, he's getting his nails clipped!"

Fri 8:12:01

When Sue told him he had sex on the brain, John decided to check for himself.

13/04/15 20:14:10

It's a bit wifi in here

09/09/12 12:02:47

"Honestly Officer, it wasn't me that shouted, 'Show us your knickers'."

27/06/15 20:36:09

"Sir, have you been on the piste?"

17/02/13 8:02:50

When he saw the size of it, Arty choked.

14/02/13 20:16:27

Puss in Roots

05/10/12 20:06:42

"Do you think those sausages need a minute or two more?"

08/06/12 12:43:29

creative

With London Zoo making cutbacks, Bob the zookeeper is forced into pretending to be an elephant.

29/06/15 21:39:46

lol

Robinson Crusoe's prayers were answered, but unfortunately he was sent a lesbian.

01/03/15 14:31:18

In Pisa, snowmen must be made to match the Tower.

17/02/13 8:05:17

Purple People Eaters

17/11/12 8:55:03

"Could I have Number 2 on the menu please?"

10/11/12 20:04:55

Handtennae

24/06/12 12:42:12

Kawascrapi

27/05/12 9:12:47

In retrospect, they had probably placed the tent poles too far apart.

25/05/20 8:33:32

S and Emma

22/05/15 21:53:22

Hull to Zeebuggered ferry

13/02/15 17:34:33

Bare faced cheek!

29/11/12 12:57:44

World's strongest man forgets rope!

12/11/12 20:22:00

Wall Street Splash

26/08/12 12:18:55

Stars and Strips

15/07/12 11:06:26

Hanging Basquets

27/05/12 11:07:13

He's off his trolley

20/05/20 15:13:22

Third Wheeled War!

31/01/13 20:03:58

"honestly love, the beer kept pouring itself"

18/09/12 9:13:58

"Look at the ho's on that fire engine!"

08/04/13 20:06:02

The medical staff didn't give Duncan Goodhew very long

25/03/13 20:02:42

Cellu-flight

10/02/13 20:01:21

lol

Big Brother is having a w@@k

25/01/13 20:07:08

Sole searching

20/12/12 16:00:13

Shark Att-ic

07/12/12 20:00:57

He started his audition sounding like Tom Jones, but after his splits attempt, he finished sounding like Aled Jones

30/11/12 15:40:23

Even Iron-Age Man liked to get his tool out!

02/11/12 14:23:31

Despite forgetting to iron his dungarees, Jim was still hopeful of a successful interview.

27/10/12 20:01:25

Mitsubishi Colt

07/10/12 8:13:04

George Burns didn't suit drag

30/09/12 12:04:47

Honda's on Accord

28/09/12 20:07:24

Even the tramps won't drink Vimto

27/09/12 16:06:25

Wooden tyres, wooden engine, wooden go

29/05/12 20:31:48

Sir Walkman Raleigh

28/04/15 17:57:05

clever

He's on the run from the peelers.

24/05/20 9:03:50

The stalls have ears

28/03/15 20:14:54

Finally, the Loch Ness monster's existence is proven.

27/03/13 20:20:30

"Christ Alice, that looks like a penis only smaller!"

29/01/13 20:01:12

"I haven't been this excited since the Soy Sauce lorry crashed into the Dog Pound!"

31/12/12 12:06:22

Kevin was pissed off with the new drainpipes.

06/12/12 15:48:59

Rocky Marsupialano

05/11/12 20:37:03

Stone Hinge

30/10/12 20:08:08

The British prisoners queued up to talk!

26/10/12 11:13:25

"Frog on the tin is all mine, all mine......"

23/10/12 18:31:02

The brown sauce is not to be recommended

28/07/12 14:12:27

On the lockdown restrictions being lifted, Sam was really looking forward to seeing his grandparents in Wuhan.

Fri 14:27:51

And all because the lady loves..... ash Tray

13/08/15 20:06:37

Usain Berk

16/06/15 8:09:11

The Big End

13/04/15 21:25:53

"Stop peking over my shoulder."

04/03/15 21:06:54

With camera set at low shitter speed

26/02/15 15:09:06

Damsickle in distress

19/02/15 13:23:12

Salivastock

31/03/13 17:56:36

Village Rugby match sparks unusually high crowd after word spreads of two hookers in the park.

24/03/13 8:09:32

"If it's an XXL, it's mine"

22/03/13 17:03:47

"Oi, look at the dog with the big dick"

18/03/13 20:01:06

Having spent six months constructing a house from Lego, Dave instantly regretted leaving a Jammy Dodger inside.

14/02/13 13:09:39

King of the Junkies

08/02/13 13:07:16

Anthropologists find clue in hunt for 'Bigfoot'

19/01/13 20:02:55

"I know i'll finish War and Peace one of these days!"

22/09/12 20:01:30

Chris Hoy's bedroom spokes for itself

06/05/12 8:35:06

"Yes, okay. I have a small penis."

19/06/13 14:02:18

Fart Deco

10/06/13 14:51:03

The Lumberjack Newsletter's Spot the Log Competition.

12/04/13 20:02:23

"No sir, it's only ladies who flash that get a free cab ride"

27/03/13 20:05:28

Blackpool amusement arcade criticised after using live ducks in their 3 for a £1.00 ring throwing stall

25/03/13 19:36:08

"Sweetheart, did you put any pink socks in with the last wash?"

24/03/13 20:03:22

Cristiano Ronaldo practices for his next game.

14/03/13 8:39:10

Too many ciggies and your chest starts to wheezel

20/02/13 8:02:23

The Harold Wilson Fan Club.

18/02/13 20:02:39

After their curry, there was only one way to decide who got to the kazee first.

18/02/13 9:03:49

Cadets are warned to avoid booby traps

14/02/13 8:43:42

Dave took a lot of pride in his appearance.

08/02/13 13:08:22

Ewes extreme caution!

12/01/13 20:01:05

Yorkshire Moored

12/01/13 11:38:03

"Absolutely brilliant Jones, but how the hell do we get it behind the fridge?"

08/01/13 20:08:20

"Could I have a flag-on of ale?"

05/12/12 14:08:13

Night-mare on High Street

04/12/12 20:21:15

Neigh bother

04/12/12 20:15:31

It was a bit of an eye sore in the middle of Central London

01/12/12 20:03:03

Police unsure of victim's identity but add that he could definitely open a can of beans without a tin-opener.

01/12/12 10:07:07

Beware of nesting tits!

22/11/12 18:16:11

Lawerence of Suburbia!

17/11/12 12:00:36

Jungle booking!

15/11/12 20:09:21

kitchen airpliances

10/11/12 8:36:11

Lily hated his voice but knew he'd make a fortune singing "Go Compare"

02/11/12 16:44:21

"Do those three koala bears on the lamppost look drunk and disorderly to you?"

10/09/12 20:04:14

Janice was now a single girl. Her boyfriend had been told to look at her mum if he wanted to know how she would look in years to come.

09/09/12 10:41:27

I'm More Than Freeman

08/09/12 22:35:23

Doughnut Shop closing, get outta the way!

09/08/12 20:06:47

Bill Clinton's garden shed

15/07/12 11:16:17

A Graeme of two halves

10/06/12 11:03:59

My arse feels as wide as this tunnel

30/04/12 18:14:35

"Is this Bell End?"
"No, it's Carnaby Street."

16/05/15 8:32:36

"Ha, ha, he stood in the dog shit Bob!"

29/03/15 15:59:36

"And here, in the covered forests we find the rare tree martin, carefully considering the terrain for prey and to ensure no-one is watching while it takes its mornings dump."

Wed 11:46:34

There was confusion at a Madness concert when an intruder on the dance floor wanted to play charades.

Tue 12:22:45

Anne Summer reveals new Winter Warmer testicle range

Tue 8:32:59

Drug dealers criticised for making E-tabs more appealing for children

Tue 8:05:33

"Where's the bloody shreddies?"

09/08/15 17:03:38

Crisp slogan

06/07/15 20:36:54

Skate-boardwalk

28/06/15 10:54:39

"I'm going on in."
"I'll come in a jiffy."

25/06/15 20:51:59

After a poor fry up, Bob was given a dressing gown.

11/06/15 20:43:35

She started out with two kids but got peckish on the way to the shop.

10/06/15 13:07:53

Jessie Murray, doing her dog impression for Britains Got Talent.

10/06/15 12:45:53

Deep Sea Driver

07/06/15 20:20:18

One giant step on mankind

05/04/15 20:03:34

Pigtailed melogomeloniac

29/03/15 20:22:48

Centipede discards footwear

25/03/15 20:01:58

Unfortunately the letter 'L' had been jammed on the printer

22/03/15 9:02:27

Stark Raven Mad

19/03/15 10:11:16

Scare-crow

19/03/15 9:43:15

Guerilla's training camp

18/03/15 12:01:54

If you want to wait, grab a stool.

17/03/15 13:22:22

Scooby Poo

26/02/15 12:28:15

Korean's admire their bhaji starters before their main course.

26/02/15 12:26:23

Vegetative patch

17/02/15 14:05:04

"Is this where all the big boys hang out?"

05/04/13 16:42:49

Kiltmarnock Tartan

27/03/13 20:06:57

An adder a day keeps the doctor away.

27/03/13 17:24:32

Thank God, you don't need to look at the mantlepiece when you're poking the fire.

26/03/13 17:00:32

Joint Sisters

24/03/13 15:17:59

Ashes to ashes, butts to butts..

20/03/13 21:31:49

Too many black russian's can make for a stinging fanny.

16/03/13 20:04:36

Dental Checkov

09/03/13 12:18:45

"Just give me my safety pins back and I'll let you go."

02/03/13 20:04:42

Dave's tongue was almost worn out!

16/02/13 12:25:51

"Please God, i forgot to wish for an opener as well."

08/02/13 13:11:34

Shed-gar

11/01/13 16:24:40

"Dear Mrs Hussein, it is with deep regret we have to inform you of your husbands death. At the moment we are unable to confirm exactly how he died as initial reports said something about a mouse."

08/01/13 20:11:19

There's a plaice for everything!

17/12/12 8:00:34

Monkey Wench!

11/12/12 20:41:27

"Sod you love, I'm saving the mutts!"

11/12/12 12:57:43

Never bite the hands that feed.

10/12/12 20:25:42

"Before the accident, I used to hold my penis like this."

09/12/12 18:27:50

After much practice Yang Lee was able to put his cigarette in the correct orifice

02/12/12 18:51:02

Fres-bians

01/12/12 18:32:14

After Palestinian bombing, Jews have to use a make-shift Wailing Wall

26/11/12 20:05:05

Roger got a patt on his head for his trouble!

06/11/12 20:02:33

"A priest, a rabbi and a vicar walked into a bar........"

04/11/12 12:12:07

Me Hung Lo's photo just before he fired his bazooka at the Yanks. Unfortunately, he had it the wrong way round!

02/11/12 20:03:28

"Last time I saw two holes like that, there were trains coming outta them!"

28/10/12 12:09:04

"Barbie, that's not a fag, that's Ken's penis!"

26/10/12 15:36:00

Man found stunned outside ice-cream shop. Police reckon he tried to top himself!

18/10/12 13:29:36

The Stylus Council

05/10/12 15:38:15

NHS patient celebrates big payout after testicles sewn to thighs in vascetomy op gone wrong!

03/10/12 20:46:37

Starbuck's new double espresso and Red Bull has been taken off the shelves due to health concerns

16/09/12 11:05:51

"When I pull the tables away, i need to hear what noise you make when hitting the deck"

04/09/12 16:01:32

Dead heat in zeppelin race

04/09/12 15:59:11

The new 3D Twister game, leads to multiple injuries

05/08/12 9:39:26

Badly camouflaged crocodile fools no-one

04/08/12 11:20:13

Bobby Charlton's house

30/07/12 17:48:54

The spokes on you

29/07/12 9:32:19

Untied Straps of America

15/07/12 11:07:03

The walls have ears

13/07/12 15:33:07

"God, I could do with a shave!"

09/06/12 12:48:05

Rubber Johnnie

03/06/12 16:52:34

You can't just have been eating cobwebs. Don't spin me that old yarn.

30/05/12 16:36:13

Hairdressing salon owner attempts suicide after her business takes a perm for the worse.

23/05/12 17:40:50

Been smoking 20 a day and wankin' 15 a day. Cut down to 10 a day but can do fuck all about the fags!

07/05/12 20:49:17

Camel's toe eats skirt!

22/04/12 8:13:26

"pullin' your plunger", takes on literal meaning

15/04/12 11:44:33

It was the biggest sneeze he had ever done.

Thu 20:06:13

Barry Gibb explains how he got his inspiration to write the song, "More than a Woman."

Thu 8:37:42

Gramps-vestite

Thu 8:02:59

Planes, Trains and Imbeciles

Wed 20:24:25

With sales plummeting, One Direction are forced to appeal to a broader audience.

25/05/20 12:07:30

Trekkin' Beacons

21/05/20 12:10:27

"My arse must be sweating badly to be stuck to this cone, Heeeeeeeeeeelllppppp."

21/05/20 12:06:06

ISIS recruitment campaign starts in Skegness.

21/05/20 8:12:36

wrist o'cats

20/05/20 15:11:33

"I didn't know it was your left leg I was eating, did I? And anyway, I'm French!"

20/05/20 15:07:30

After years of polishing the penis had veered to the left.

06/07/15 17:33:07

Beware of sharp branches!

02/07/15 13:38:15

Psycho Bates tones down his act

28/06/15 12:06:30

"Oi, come back with that coffee!"

28/06/15 10:55:27

"Come in....."

25/06/15 20:30:07

Ray-scans

23/06/15 21:22:14

"Don't open the top Emily, I just farted."

31/05/15 14:29:11

"For such a small fella, you wanna see the size of the shit in the bag," said the dog.

21/05/15 16:55:06

For the ultimate lightning experience

16/05/15 8:30:42

First ever equine teeth transplanted declared a success

12/05/15 21:58:04

It wasn't the gold framed discs Robbie was expecting

29/04/15 18:26:35

Arsene Voyeur

22/04/15 21:14:31

When he saw the mare, he got a woody

22/04/15 21:13:39

"Can I have your autograph please Meatloaf?"

13/04/15 21:30:04

The two girls out for a night on the town were not impressed with their reflections.

22/03/15 12:51:56

Stars and Strips

02/03/15 20:00:27

"Would you like some greens with your steak ma'am?"

26/02/15 20:02:21

Crani-elm

22/02/15 18:39:33