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Stephen Graham

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Body of Daniel Craig, Hung like a donkey, Euro Millionare, Audi TT, Castle in the countyside, Witty, Great sense of humour and loyal. Also compulsive liar.

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Bodies in perfect cemetery

09/01/13 15:06:42

"I made £100.50 last night."

"Who gave you the 50p?"

"They all did."

02/06/20 8:58:18

That's her net worth. --John Glover

Bill regretted his Organ Donor Card falling out when he went in for a broken leg!

19/11/12 20:17:52

You've got the job Miss Jones, you were way out in front of the other candidates.

06/07/20 12:11:19

She really stood out. --Willie Johnson

lol

"He shagged me from behind, so he's off to the vet."

"You getting him put down?"

"No, he's getting his nails clipped!"

29/05/20 8:12:01

But the vet clipped something else, unfortunately. --Willie Johnson

When Sue told him he had sex on the brain, John decided to check for himself.

13/04/15 20:14:10

It's a bit wifi in here

09/09/12 12:02:47

"How can he go that long without peeing?"

15/07/20 12:03:24

"Honestly Officer, it wasn't me that shouted, 'Show us your knickers'."

27/06/15 20:36:09

That's pretty much the one I did 46 seconds earlier Michael but nobody seemed to like that version. Boo hoo hoo. :D --Doh Nutter

Under 18's look away - very giraffic image.

06/07/20 21:58:07

"Sir, have you been on the piste?"

17/02/13 8:02:50

When he saw the size of it, Arty choked.

14/02/13 20:16:27

Puss in Roots

05/10/12 20:06:42

"Do you think those sausages need a minute or two more?"

08/06/12 12:43:29

creative

With London Zoo making cutbacks, Bob the zookeeper is forced into pretending to be an elephant.

29/06/15 21:39:46

lol

Robinson Crusoe's prayers were answered, but unfortunately he was sent a lesbian.

01/03/15 14:31:18

In Pisa, snowmen must be made to match the Tower.

17/02/13 8:05:17

Purple People Eaters

17/11/12 8:55:03

"Could I have Number 2 on the menu please?"

10/11/12 20:04:55

Handtennae

24/06/12 12:42:12

Kawascrapi

27/05/12 9:12:47

In retrospect, they had probably placed the tent poles too far apart.

25/05/20 8:33:32

S and Emma

22/05/15 21:53:22

Hull to Zeebuggered ferry

13/02/15 17:34:33

Bare faced cheek!

29/11/12 12:57:44

World's strongest man forgets rope!

12/11/12 20:22:00

26/08/12 12:18:55

15/07/12 11:06:26

27/05/12 11:07:13

01/07/20 22:37:32

20/05/20 15:13:22

31/01/13 20:03:58

"honestly love, the beer kept pouring itself"

18/09/12 9:13:58

"Look at the ho's on that fire engine!"

08/04/13 20:06:02

The medical staff didn't give Duncan Goodhew very long

25/03/13 20:02:42

Cellu-flight

10/02/13 20:01:21

lol

Big Brother is having a w@@k

25/01/13 20:07:08

It made me laugh :-) --Smuldo

Sole searching

20/12/12 16:00:13

Shark Att-ic

07/12/12 20:00:57

He started his audition sounding like Tom Jones, but after his splits attempt, he finished sounding like Aled Jones

30/11/12 15:40:23

Even Iron-Age Man liked to get his tool out!

02/11/12 14:23:31

Despite forgetting to iron his dungarees, Jim was still hopeful of a successful interview.

27/10/12 20:01:25

Mitsubishi Colt

07/10/12 8:13:04

George Burns didn't suit drag

30/09/12 12:04:47

Honda's on Accord

28/09/12 20:07:24

Even the tramps won't drink Vimto

27/09/12 16:06:25

Wooden tyres, wooden engine, wooden go

29/05/12 20:31:48

At least it's not raining

14/07/20 20:30:30

Beware of hedgehogs carrying swords.

05/07/20 12:41:19

creative

As you get older, it can be easy to lose your keys.

16/06/20 8:03:52

Sir Walkman Raleigh

28/04/15 17:57:05

I think I can see a couple of spuds. --Doh Nutter

Working for crumbs

18/07/20 12:00:31

When Magnus Magnusson was buried, the questions on Mastermind got slightly easier.

13/07/20 17:24:59

Jellyfish on his way to the Fancy Dress Ball.

10/07/20 13:28:26

I don't know your number off the top of my head.

15/06/20 20:02:13

clever

He's on the run from the peelers.

24/05/20 9:03:50

The stalls have ears

28/03/15 20:14:54

Finally, the Loch Ness monster's existence is proven.

27/03/13 20:20:30

"Christ Alice, that looks like a penis only smaller!"

29/01/13 20:01:12

"I haven't been this excited since the Soy Sauce lorry crashed into the Dog Pound!"

31/12/12 12:06:22

Kevin was pissed off with the new drainpipes.

06/12/12 15:48:59

Rocky Marsupialano

05/11/12 20:37:03

Stone Hinge

30/10/12 20:08:08

The British prisoners queued up to talk!

26/10/12 11:13:25

"Frog on the tin is all mine, all mine......"

23/10/12 18:31:02

The brown sauce is not to be recommended

28/07/12 14:12:27

Should you not be at home minding Sharon's knickers?

18/06/20 8:01:43

No the dirty bitch still hasn't washed any. --Morgan .

On the lockdown restrictions being lifted, Sam was really looking forward to seeing his grandparents in Wuhan.

29/05/20 14:27:51

And all because the lady loves..... ash Tray

13/08/15 20:06:37

Usain Berk

16/06/15 8:09:11

The Big End

13/04/15 21:25:53

"Stop peking over my shoulder."

04/03/15 21:06:54

With camera set at low shitter speed

26/02/15 15:09:06

Damsickle in distress

19/02/15 13:23:12

Salivastock

31/03/13 17:56:36

Village Rugby match sparks unusually high crowd after word spreads of two hookers in the park.

24/03/13 8:09:32

"If it's an XXL, it's mine"

22/03/13 17:03:47

I'm really not sure that boasting fits the criteria for a successful caption... but I'm giving you a vote for it anyway! lol --Tony Busby

"Oi, look at the dog with the big dick"

18/03/13 20:01:06

Having spent six months constructing a house from Lego, Dave instantly regretted leaving a Jammy Dodger inside.

14/02/13 13:09:39

King of the Junkies

08/02/13 13:07:16

Anthropologists find clue in hunt for 'Bigfoot'

19/01/13 20:02:55

"I know i'll finish War and Peace one of these days!"

22/09/12 20:01:30

Chris Hoy's bedroom spokes for itself

06/05/12 8:35:06

"Yes, okay. I have a small penis."

19/06/13 14:02:18

Fart Deco

10/06/13 14:51:03

I have used this caption twice for two different wind related art pictures, and it never fails to get votes. :) --William Kay

The Lumberjack Newsletter's Spot the Log Competition.

12/04/13 20:02:23

"No sir, it's only ladies who flash that get a free cab ride"

27/03/13 20:05:28

Blackpool amusement arcade criticised after using live ducks in their 3 for a £1.00 ring throwing stall

25/03/13 19:36:08

"Sweetheart, did you put any pink socks in with the last wash?"

24/03/13 20:03:22

Cristiano Ronaldo practices for his next game.

14/03/13 8:39:10

Too many ciggies and your chest starts to wheezel

20/02/13 8:02:23

The Harold Wilson Fan Club.

18/02/13 20:02:39

After their curry, there was only one way to decide who got to the kazee first.

18/02/13 9:03:49

Cadets are warned to avoid booby traps

14/02/13 8:43:42

Dave took a lot of pride in his appearance.

08/02/13 13:08:22

Ewes extreme caution!

12/01/13 20:01:05

Yorkshire Moored

12/01/13 11:38:03

"Absolutely brilliant Jones, but how the hell do we get it behind the fridge?"

08/01/13 20:08:20

"Could I have a flag-on of ale?"

05/12/12 14:08:13

Night-mare on High Street

04/12/12 20:21:15

Neigh bother

04/12/12 20:15:31

It was a bit of an eye sore in the middle of Central London

01/12/12 20:03:03

Police unsure of victim's identity but add that he could definitely open a can of beans without a tin-opener.

01/12/12 10:07:07

Beware of nesting tits!

22/11/12 18:16:11

Lawerence of Suburbia!

17/11/12 12:00:36

Jungle booking!

15/11/12 20:09:21

kitchen airpliances

10/11/12 8:36:11

Lily hated his voice but knew he'd make a fortune singing "Go Compare"

02/11/12 16:44:21

"Do those three koala bears on the lamppost look drunk and disorderly to you?"

10/09/12 20:04:14

Janice was now a single girl. Her boyfriend had been told to look at her mum if he wanted to know how she would look in years to come.

09/09/12 10:41:27

I'm More Than Freeman

08/09/12 22:35:23

Doughnut Shop closing, get outta the way!

09/08/12 20:06:47

Bill Clinton's garden shed

15/07/12 11:16:17

A Graeme of two halves

10/06/12 11:03:59

My arse feels as wide as this tunnel

30/04/12 18:14:35

Rampant Rabbit charging

15/07/20 9:00:04

Winston Churchill Appreciation Society

04/07/20 8:01:26

creative

It makes your hares stand on end

25/06/20 20:00:38

Did anyone see the frisby?

23/06/20 9:01:55

When Dave first went camping, he should have attached the portaloo to the back of his Jeep.

20/06/20 8:07:26

We're all on facebook, poke us anytime.

16/06/20 12:01:30

Unicycle comes with spare tyre

12/06/20 8:02:39

Wimble-down

10/06/20 8:09:20

"Could the passenger in seat 16A please remove his X-Ray goggles as the stewardesses are refusing to bring the drinks trolley up the aisle."

09/06/20 12:02:43

"Here, postie, postie!"

06/06/20 8:03:57

100 yards further on, the second sign says, "Mice Running Amok."

04/06/20 8:27:29

A drunken sailor's last resort.

02/06/20 8:12:44

Ok love fart & give us a clue. --Woofer 6

The Wuhan outdoor market didn't just have bats for sale.

31/05/20 8:17:58

They have women. --Woofer 6

"Is this Bell End?"
"No, it's Carnaby Street."

16/05/15 8:32:36

"Ha, ha, he stood in the dog shit Bob!"

29/03/15 15:59:36

"Ken, quick, run before Action Man gets home."

21/07/20 20:14:20

The last few pics have been crap so shove them up your arse. Oh sorry, just read the sign.

20/07/20 22:02:37

24 hours after National Non-Smoking Day

18/07/20 20:14:01

Homocide detectives suspected he may have had an addiction problem

18/07/20 20:06:00

"Can I have a McMammoth burger please."

16/07/20 8:02:22

"Hello boys and girls, it's Little Weeeeeed here, has anyone seen Bill and Ben?"

14/07/20 12:25:54

The Lolly Boys Outing

09/07/20 8:55:41

When I bought the country cottage with 10 acres of marshland, I assumed I may have the odd frog in the garden.

03/07/20 8:34:59

As soon as she jumped on, Dave's jeans disappeared up his arse

28/06/20 12:01:13

Don't cry wolf

24/06/20 8:03:27

I'm off to round up the sheep

23/06/20 8:34:32

She has a body to die for, but make sure you've personal insurance before she goes down on you

22/06/20 12:45:19

Barctic Monkeys

20/06/20 20:03:41

Typo Ahssole

19/06/20 8:09:57

"Okay ladies, I'll ask number 5 to drop his trousers, and see if you can identify him better."

12/06/20 12:20:20

shortly after this, pop socks went out of fashion

12/06/20 7:45:38

Fart Deco

11/06/20 8:10:11

She got sat just in the nick of time. --Morgan .

"..in 100 yards turn sharp right at tunnel... in 50 yards turn sharp right at tunnel... turn sharp right...shit, this is Carlisle, isn't it?"

10/06/20 13:13:40

Sir James Dyson took his vacuum cleaner with him, when he and Jane split up.

06/06/20 20:50:06

Doggy style

06/06/20 8:08:13

How is it for you darling?....WOOF WOOF. --Woofer 6

Maxwell's House

02/06/20 12:00:51

"I'm taking this to the dump."

"And what about the rubbish on top?"

01/06/20 12:08:10

"And here, in the covered forests we find the rare tree martin, carefully considering the terrain for prey and to ensure no-one is watching while it takes its mornings dump."

27/05/20 11:46:34

There was confusion at a Madness concert when an intruder on the dance floor wanted to play charades.

26/05/20 12:22:45

Anne Summer reveals new Winter Warmer testicle range

26/05/20 8:32:59

Drug dealers criticised for making E-tabs more appealing for children

26/05/20 8:05:33

"Where's the bloody shreddies?"

09/08/15 17:03:38

Crisp slogan

06/07/15 20:36:54

Skate-boardwalk

28/06/15 10:54:39

"I'm going on in."
"I'll come in a jiffy."

25/06/15 20:51:59

After a poor fry up, Bob was given a dressing gown.

11/06/15 20:43:35

She started out with two kids but got peckish on the way to the shop.

10/06/15 13:07:53

Jessie Murray, doing her dog impression for Britains Got Talent.

10/06/15 12:45:53

Deep Sea Driver

07/06/15 20:20:18

One giant step on mankind

05/04/15 20:03:34

Pigtailed melogomeloniac

29/03/15 20:22:48

Centipede discards footwear

25/03/15 20:01:58

Unfortunately the letter 'L' had been jammed on the printer

22/03/15 9:02:27

Stark Raven Mad

19/03/15 10:11:16

Scare-crow

19/03/15 9:43:15

Guerilla's training camp

18/03/15 12:01:54

I'd take out the apostrophe s. --Doh Nutter

If you want to wait, grab a stool.

17/03/15 13:22:22

Scooby Poo

26/02/15 12:28:15

Korean's admire their bhaji starters before their main course.

26/02/15 12:26:23

Still doing dog eating Korean jokes on this site?... that's so 2008. --SHA SHA

Vegetative patch

17/02/15 14:05:04

"Is this where all the big boys hang out?"

05/04/13 16:42:49

Kiltmarnock Tartan

27/03/13 20:06:57

An adder a day keeps the doctor away.

27/03/13 17:24:32

Thank God, you don't need to look at the mantlepiece when you're poking the fire.

26/03/13 17:00:32

... "Did I just think that out loud?" asked Dave to his wife of 27 years. --Spud Gunn

Joint Sisters

24/03/13 15:17:59

Ashes to ashes, butts to butts..

20/03/13 21:31:49

Too many black russian's can make for a stinging fanny.

16/03/13 20:04:36

Dental Checkov

09/03/13 12:18:45

"Just give me my safety pins back and I'll let you go."

02/03/13 20:04:42

Dave's tongue was almost worn out!

16/02/13 12:25:51

"Please God, i forgot to wish for an opener as well."

08/02/13 13:11:34

Shed-gar

11/01/13 16:24:40

"Dear Mrs Hussein, it is with deep regret we have to inform you of your husbands death. At the moment we are unable to confirm exactly how he died as initial reports said something about a mouse."

08/01/13 20:11:19

There's a plaice for everything!

17/12/12 8:00:34

Monkey Wench!

11/12/12 20:41:27

"Sod you love, I'm saving the mutts!"

11/12/12 12:57:43

Never bite the hands that feed.

10/12/12 20:25:42

"Before the accident, I used to hold my penis like this."

09/12/12 18:27:50

After much practice Yang Lee was able to put his cigarette in the correct orifice

02/12/12 18:51:02

Fres-bians

01/12/12 18:32:14

After Palestinian bombing, Jews have to use a make-shift Wailing Wall

26/11/12 20:05:05

Roger got a patt on his head for his trouble!

06/11/12 20:02:33

"A priest, a rabbi and a vicar walked into a bar........"

04/11/12 12:12:07

Me Hung Lo's photo just before he fired his bazooka at the Yanks. Unfortunately, he had it the wrong way round!

02/11/12 20:03:28

"Last time I saw two holes like that, there were trains coming outta them!"

28/10/12 12:09:04

more captions

last comments (total: 45)

MUM....Dads been on the beer again & farted in his sleep.

Woofer 6

05/06/20
8:03am

comment on caption:
couch potato [Stephen Graham]

Is that the Best he can do?

Woofer 6

05/06/20
12:20pm

comment on caption:
Golden Balls Beckham [Stephen Graham]

Or perhaps ...sofa so good

[anon]

05/06/20
3:13pm

comment on caption:
Lockdown - so far, sofa [Stephen Graham]

How is it for you darling?....WOOF WOOF.

Woofer 6

06/06/20
9:20am

comment on caption:
Doggy style [Stephen Graham]

She got sat just in the nick of time.

Morgan .

11/06/20
3:14pm

comment on caption:
Fart Deco [Stephen Graham]

Think he spoke too soon.

Morgan .

12/06/20
1:46pm

comment on caption:
A bespoke cycle [Stephen Graham]

Yep the worm has turned.

Morgan .

12/06/20
11:19pm

comment on caption:
Rejected by publishers - new childrens pop-up book [Stephen Graham]

No the dirty bitch still hasn't washed any.

Morgan .

18/06/20
9:32am

comment on caption:
Should you not be at home minding Sharon's knickers? [Stephen Graham]

Carefully

John Glover

21/06/20
1:37pm

comment on caption:
Hey John, how the fuck am I jumping over Beecher's Brook with this thing on? [Stephen Graham]

She really stood out.

Willie Johnson

08/07/20
2:52am

comment on caption:
You've got the job Miss Jones, you were way out in front of the other candidates. [Stephen Graham]

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Stephen Graham

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last comments (total: 45)

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