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Birdwatching For Beginners
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Dave Bryan Vote score: 9643Dave Bryan

Birdwatching For Beginners

28/03/20 8:42:18

 1
That bird is not a beginner. He's been around the block a few times. --Willie Johnson
Stu Dent Vote score: 3982Stu Dent

A you sure there is no toilet roll left.

28/03/20 8:25:16

 1
I've heard in Europe they use birdies instead. --Scrijjy Doo
Vivvy En Vote score: 5910Vivvy En

"Dave, when I said 'Bring a chick to the party'..."

28/03/20 8:23:23

 
Stephen Bean Vote score: 10014Stephen Bean

"Oh no, look’s like I’ve caught thrush again."

28/03/20 8:50:42

 
Crunchy Chords Vote score: 3419Crunchy Chords
Birdwatching For Beginners

29/03/20 7:22:44

 
Neil Mackenzie Vote score: 10675Neil Mackenzie

I’m going to need more of these to make a Summer.

28/03/20 8:41:59

 
Michael Winner Vote score: 22862Michael Winner

"Look, it's one of those Messenger sparrows- what does it say? 'Stay indoors you f*cking moron'."

28/03/20 8:21:36

 1
It says 'tweet'? --Willie Johnson
Michael Winner Vote score: 22862Michael Winner

"Dave, it's me- I'm you, from the future."

28/03/20 8:16:03

 
Ian Skelding Vote score: 22194Ian Skelding

"Doc?"

28/03/20 9:19:48

 2
Back to the Future reference? --Willie Johnson
Tony Edwards Vote score: 31806Tony Edwards

Has no-one told him that we are on flockdown?

28/03/20 8:49:35

 
Michael Winner Vote score: 22862Michael Winner

"Just sign for it mate, you're not supposed to handle Amazon delivery personnel."

28/03/20 8:23:54

 
Dave Bryan Vote score: 9643Dave Bryan

More birds grounded as flight ban is introduced.

28/03/20 8:20:08

 
Vanessa  the Guesser Vote score: 11999Vanessa the Guesser

Police searched the suspect's nest and found large stashes of toilet paper, eggs and bleach.

28/03/20 8:07:13

 
Stephen Bean Vote score: 10014Stephen Bean

"Let me go please, I'm not the sort of bird that enjoys being fisted."

28/03/20 8:00:06

 
Dan Nicholls Vote score: 14933Dan Nicholls

...and that's why we named him after Patrick Moore.

28/03/20 8:42:31

 1
The Skylark At Night --Dave Bryan
Paul Reeve Vote score: 5676Paul Reeve

“Swallow?”
“Not on first dates.”

28/03/20 9:32:27

 
Stephen Bean Vote score: 10014Stephen Bean

"Sparrow thought for my family please mister."

28/03/20 8:47:02

 
J Gaskill Vote score: 109J Gaskill

“Back in my day, we had to fly in a strait line, South for the winter! BOTH WAYS! None of this pansy ‘V-formation’ Sh*t!”

28/03/20 8:45:30

 
Vanessa  the Guesser Vote score: 11999Vanessa the Guesser

Meanwhile in Wuhan breakfast is ready..

28/03/20 8:12:18

 
Molly R Vote score: 1766Molly R

I'm gonna hug you until your brains come out of your ears!

28/03/20 8:04:52

 
Dave Bryan Vote score: 9643Dave Bryan

''Put me downy.''

28/03/20 8:01:29

 
Crunchy Chords Vote score: 3419Crunchy Chords

"See? Take away the annoying tweets and the comb-over, and he's just another puffed up, fowl-mouthed old birdbrain."
"Now I understand why you named him Trump."

29/03/20 7:30:12

 
C CaMel Vote score: 5742C CaMel

Bill Oddie's latest documentary was Gripping.

28/03/20 11:00:09

 
Mark England Vote score: 16863Mark England

"...is worth two in the bush"

28/03/20 10:36:01

 
Mark Wilson Vote score: 1249Mark Wilson

In this coronavirus lockdown Dave had to prove his hairdressing skills before his wife would trust him to do hers.

28/03/20 9:36:54

 
Mark Wilson Vote score: 1249Mark Wilson

I shall call you Don King and you will chirp endlessly

28/03/20 9:34:01

 
Rachel P Vote score: 1750Rachel P

It’s my fledgling business

28/03/20 9:29:01

 
Glyn Evans Vote score: 6572Glyn Evans

Falcons shrink when they get older.

28/03/20 9:26:45

 
J Gaskill Vote score: 109J Gaskill

Scrooge McBitchin’

28/03/20 8:35:11

 
Neil Mackenzie Vote score: 10675Neil Mackenzie

I can’t believe how swiftly I’ve gone grey.

28/03/20 8:17:56

 
Dave Bryan Vote score: 9643Dave Bryan

''Not another f-cking cat. They were right about the site not being safe.''

28/03/20 8:12:38

 
Charles Gilbert Vote score: 509Charles Gilbert

Heinz Wolff reincarnates

29/03/20 23:30:28

 
Karen Oakenfull Vote score: 1466Karen Oakenfull

Bird hair day

29/03/20 18:45:32

 
alexandra ball Vote score: 409alexandra ball

Twitching but not in a good way.

29/03/20 16:53:41

 
Fozzgog B. Vote score: 139Fozzgog B.

Damn! My usual escape method isn't going to work - I've already crapped on his car

28/03/20 17:45:43

 
John  Glover Vote score: 20553John Glover

Sylvester's going to make a Tweetie pie.

28/03/20 14:09:17

 
Gavin Smithers Vote score: 409Gavin Smithers

"Your journey is unnecessary."

28/03/20 13:48:20

 
Scrijjy Doo Vote score: 2255Scrijjy Doo

My Dinner with Andre

28/03/20 13:21:09

 
Dev B Vote score: 645Dev B

Master Shifu as a bird

28/03/20 10:51:07

 
Mark Wilson Vote score: 1249Mark Wilson

Welcome to the 1.30 at Ascot, the Coronavirus lockdown 2 mile chase.

28/03/20 9:40:44

 
Mark Wilson Vote score: 1249Mark Wilson

Lucy why don't you give your Barbie dolls make overs like normal girls do?

28/03/20 9:29:37

 
Tony Edwards Vote score: 31806Tony Edwards

We need to protect old and vulnerable birds.

28/03/20 8:55:34

 
J Gaskill Vote score: 109J Gaskill

🎶Jackin’ Robin🎶

28/03/20 8:47:37

 
J Gaskill Vote score: 109J Gaskill

Say hello to my new pet. His name is Mike Rophone.

28/03/20 8:41:47

 
Troompa Loompa Vote score: 18765Troompa Loompa

"Look Gepetto, Professor Yaffle's a real live bird."

28/03/20 8:37:33

 
Rachel P Vote score: 1750Rachel P

Finch clinch

28/03/20 8:15:09

 
Dave Bryan Vote score: 9643Dave Bryan

That man and Robin

28/03/20 8:02:40

 
Stephen Bean Vote score: 10014Stephen Bean

Dave goes into self isolation after catching avian flu.

28/03/20 8:01:01

 
Vanessa  the Guesser Vote score: 11999Vanessa the Guesser

Some old biddy out there might need your help.

28/03/20 8:01:00

 
Stephen Bean Vote score: 10014Stephen Bean

"Darling, I think I've found a tweetment for your cough."

28/03/20 8:00:23

 
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