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Dave Bryan Vote score: 40258Dave Bryan

Jane decides to leave her Tokyo accommodation.

24/07/18 7:23:17

Welsh Rarebit Vote score: 38816Welsh Rarebit

I asked the missus if we could have a pool room...

15/07/18 19:00:34

Welsh Rarebit Vote score: 38816Welsh Rarebit

Kalashnicoffee table

03/06/18 19:00:07

Smuldo Vote score: 11761Smuldo

"Now , Over to the Weather...A band of snow will be appearing later."

03/03/18 20:13:01

Neil Mackenzie Vote score: 16223Neil Mackenzie

That's a pass. Says the Volkswagen Diesel Emission Test Engineer.

20/02/18 23:40:24

Vanessa  the Guesser Vote score: 24950Vanessa the Guesser

You can usually spot penguins by their peculiar gates.

02/02/18 9:11:01

Dave E Vote score: 401Dave E

Bad hare day

14/12/17 12:00:05

John Llamas Vote score: 20904John Llamas

Fissure men

29/09/17 11:07:00

Tony Edwards Vote score: 42618Tony Edwards

Boom with a view.

27/09/17 11:03:26

Dan Nicholls Vote score: 19925Dan Nicholls

As protest tshirts go, one asking for the abolition of the French word for 'No' is pretty random.

30/08/17 11:01:09

"Oui did it!" --Greg Curtis
Pete  Vote score: 18533Pete

£50

Suitable for bottom feeders.

27/07/17 19:00:08

Thanks to everyone who voted (a special mention for John Glover) and also for the comments. I really appreciate it.  --Pete
Mr Dome  Vote score: 20098Mr Dome

£50

Juan Carlos failed to draw any visitors for the world's largest horse

06/06/17 9:53:13

Congratulations, Mr. Dome. Funny caption. --Pete
sandeep chahal Vote score: 645sandeep chahal

Pasture Bedtime

03/05/17 19:00:10

Welsh Rarebit Vote score: 38816Welsh Rarebit

Hattie Jacques Cousteau

17/04/17 20:04:24

Vivvy En Vote score: 16785Vivvy En

"Mum... The dog's eaten all the cheese and pineapple

01/04/17 7:22:41

Thanks, Pussy. It's my highest vote score to date. Thanks for the votes folks :) --Vivvy En
Mark England Vote score: 24078Mark England

They lead up to A Flat

07/02/17 12:13:01

Ian Skelding Vote score: 35219Ian Skelding

A dip in the road

04/02/17 12:06:17

Too obvious --Polymorph .
Smuldo Vote score: 11761Smuldo

The Black Eyed O.A.P's.

22/01/17 12:00:12

Neil Mackenzie Vote score: 16223Neil Mackenzie

🎵 Ground Control to Ginger Tom.🎵

11/01/17 8:01:35

I prefer Rocket Manx. --Troompa Loompa
Tony Edwards Vote score: 42618Tony Edwards

Silletto

07/01/17 12:03:58

Petey Bee Vote score: 459Petey Bee

Face Lift

20/12/16 8:19:12

Smuldo Vote score: 11761Smuldo

The now bankrupt confection company deeply regretted their 'win your own weight in sweets' competition.

16/12/16 20:44:55

Petey Bee Vote score: 459Petey Bee

Within Earshot

23/11/16 20:00:05

Bobby D Vote score: 719Bobby D

Yes the oysters were fine, said the Englishman

20/10/16 11:58:37

I like that. We're always so reluctant to complain, aren't we? --Pussy Galore
Steve Davies Vote score: 2447Steve Davies

Grandad can you pick gran up from the pub she's absolutely shit faced again .

14/10/16 14:40:57

Neil Mackenzie Vote score: 16223Neil Mackenzie

There had been a steady stream of customers all day.

28/09/16 15:09:33

nice --sandeep chahal
Andrea  Hickling Vote score: 817Andrea Hickling

£50

'The Czech is in the mail.

25/09/16 19:01:17

Well done Andrea. Good luck cashing your £50 Czech at the bank. --Darthey Bussell
Ross Davidson Vote score: 1726Ross Davidson

climb it change.

27/07/16 21:15:33

Tracy Davidson Vote score: 9777Tracy Davidson

The Queen's Passing Out Parade

17/04/16 11:00:12

Smuldo Vote score: 11761Smuldo

Stellar Artois.

22/03/16 20:04:00

Jupiter. ;-) --Guideaux
Zac Kramer Vote score: 10993Zac Kramer

Just another sign of a misspelt youth

03/03/16 20:17:58

Dan Nicholls Vote score: 19925Dan Nicholls

Love storey.

26/01/16 8:00:54

Michael Winner Vote score: 25610Michael Winner

MPs call to ban dangerous new sport of air jousting.

11/01/16 8:03:09

Michael Winner Vote score: 25610Michael Winner

"What's that, Lassie? There's a nuclear weapon about to go off, and we've only got six seconds to-"

01/11/15 12:00:22

Spud Gunn II Vote score: 535Spud Gunn II

Passers-by surprised to see David Cameron checking the temperature of pigs heads using a pink thermometer.

02/10/15 11:02:25

Tracy Davidson Vote score: 9777Tracy Davidson

Sealfie

01/10/15 7:00:08

Tracy Davidson Vote score: 9777Tracy Davidson

OK, that dentist has definitely gone too far this time.

22/09/15 19:00:06

Tony Edwards Vote score: 42618Tony Edwards

Liar Liar

22/09/15 7:29:41

It is a reference to the playground chant "liar, liar your pants are on fire" I personally think it is quite clever, these captions, where further thought is required don't get enough recognition in my book. Hope that helps :)  --Leroy Brown
Cath Jones Vote score: 38816Cath Jones

Roger the owner likes to play safe by hedging his pets.

06/09/15 19:00:07

Cath Jones Vote score: 38816Cath Jones

Caption Pugwash

30/08/15 7:00:07

Ian Skelding Vote score: 35219Ian Skelding

"You sing great, do you play any instruments?"
"I play a little guitar."

29/08/15 7:12:43

Dan Nicholls Vote score: 19925Dan Nicholls

Neighbourhood watch crew catches lead thieves red handed.

04/08/15 11:00:05

Canon Law --Leroy Brown
Tosser Wivlov Vote score: 6766Tosser Wivlov

Meetin' two veg.

27/07/15 7:06:13

Tony Edwards Vote score: 42618Tony Edwards

Whiz kid

08/07/15 7:24:31

Greg Curtis Vote score: 9503Greg Curtis

"To put herself through ballet school, she worked as a turnstile."

30/06/15 19:17:50

I tried to come up with a good turnstile one - nice work Greg - nailed it! --Dan Nicholls
Michael Monkhouse Vote score: 2808Michael Monkhouse

I'm feeling a little run down.

29/06/15 7:58:49

Tony Edwards Vote score: 42618Tony Edwards

"Play it nice and cool son, nice and cool."

20/06/15 19:51:45

Tony Edwards Vote score: 42618Tony Edwards

Close, but no cigar

18/06/15 11:01:17

Mike  Stevens Vote score: 157Mike Stevens

Black Bunny was very camera shy when he first popped out of her sleeve

18/06/15 11:00:22

Ian Searle Vote score: 3155Ian Searle

"Cello... Is it me you're lookin' for...?"

17/06/15 11:43:16

Mark England Vote score: 24078Mark England

"I want peanuts, a size 48 tutu and some sticky buns....or I drop the boy"

10/05/15 11:16:55

in your opinion.  --Lucky Elperro
Mark England Vote score: 24078Mark England

"I see Spiderman was pissed again last night"

05/04/15 11:00:58

Tony Edwards Vote score: 42618Tony Edwards

"Quick! Get the Hoover. Mum and Dad will be back from holiday any minute."

13/03/15 12:10:04

Lucky Elperro Vote score: 6321Lucky Elperro

At Edinburgh Zoo, keepers were at a loss to explain the darts in all the chimpanzees arses.

23/02/15 20:08:26

Maybe it was Croccy Wilson. --Doh Nutter
Tony Edwards Vote score: 42618Tony Edwards

Yankee Google

03/02/15 20:27:37

Ian Skelding Vote score: 35219Ian Skelding

"Get a tomb."

01/02/15 20:34:05

Unbeatable caption, you just need to put the lid on and then you've nailed it!..ho ho ha ha --Tiny Alien
Doh Nutter Vote score: 24530Doh Nutter

Santa's Little Yelpers

25/01/15 20:22:45

Steve Davies Vote score: 2447Steve Davies

"I thought you said you knew how to change a nappy".

16/11/14 14:59:04

Tony Edwards Vote score: 42618Tony Edwards

Having tried on all the shoes in the shop, Katie decided that she liked the first pair that she tried on the best.

02/11/14 12:51:29

Smuldo Vote score: 11761Smuldo

Nora Baccy.

23/10/14 11:05:32

Tracey Sarge Vote score: 2599Tracey Sarge

Jason and the technicolor dreamcolt.

18/10/14 21:10:05

The top seven captions here are EXCELLENT, so congratulations so far!...You're winning by a nose. --Greg Curtis
Cath Jones Vote score: 38816Cath Jones

Fun Guy grows on tree.

05/10/14 11:14:49

Tracy Davidson Vote score: 9777Tracy Davidson

Ministry of Silly Hawks

28/09/14 20:52:57

Hercules  Rockefeller Vote score: 16353Hercules Rockefeller

A Nice Chair On Elm Street

25/09/14 19:13:32

Pete  Vote score: 18533Pete

Margaret was devastated when she was told by the Guinness Book of Records that another dragonfly had crossed the Niagara Falls on a tightrope wearing stilts in 1963.

08/09/14 13:06:19

Come on people...it's the green button with a picture of a thumb --Ron Allan
Doh Nutter Vote score: 24530Doh Nutter

Page 3 of the Toys R Us catalogue.

30/08/14 11:05:38

Pete  Vote score: 18533Pete

Igor doesn't have wavy hair, he has tsunami hair.

28/08/14 21:31:38

Leroy Brown Vote score: 8188Leroy Brown

Some mare over the rainbow

19/08/14 11:06:12

Paul Reeve Vote score: 5854Paul Reeve

The girls were on a site seeing tour.

13/08/14 19:00:15

AXE Vote score: 3691AXE

mugshot

07/08/14 7:00:08

D C Vote score: 2691D C

Excuse me while I just pop out for a little Hand Solo.

03/08/14 19:19:59

Tracy Davidson Vote score: 9777Tracy Davidson

No wonder Darth Vader always sounded out of breath.

03/08/14 19:00:18

Mark England Vote score: 24078Mark England

"Good man, you got the razor blade. Now let's see how cute the meerkat looks without ears"

11/07/14 20:00:38

Is it just me, or this the best round of captions in ages? I love this. --Michael Winner
Mark England Vote score: 24078Mark England

Gerbal Tea

05/07/14 11:19:27

Pete  Vote score: 18533Pete

"SIT DOWN"

03/07/14 7:00:57

Smuldo Vote score: 11761Smuldo

Par-Tee Food.

22/06/14 19:01:22

Doh Nutter Vote score: 24530Doh Nutter

This model comes with all the latest cutting hedge technology.

22/06/14 11:39:59

Michael Winner Vote score: 25610Michael Winner

"He won't negotiate, sir- he says he's going to blow up everyone in the building."

11/06/14 19:07:36

They would probably need a blow by blow account once it's all over. --Boycie
Tracy Davidson Vote score: 9777Tracy Davidson

"Gran, we want to take you on a little trip to Switzerland. What do you think?"

01/06/14 11:00:07

Boycie Vote score: 7002Boycie

If you think this impressive, you should see him when he surfs with the bike under his arm.

30/05/14 7:19:08

John Llamas Vote score: 20904John Llamas

A boy named Sioux

22/04/14 11:10:33

John Llamas Vote score: 20904John Llamas

"Sorry officer, I didn't see the light."

22/04/14 7:43:23

Michael Winner Vote score: 25610Michael Winner

Accountants.

17/04/14 19:00:07

Mark England Vote score: 24078Mark England

"Run Forrest Run"

24/03/14 20:16:35

Lucky Elperro Vote score: 6321Lucky Elperro

"He's always like that after a visit to the blood donor centre".

22/03/14 21:18:30

Nick A Vote score: 91Nick A

"Putting your Ass on the line."

05/03/14 0:55:36

Smuldo Vote score: 11761Smuldo

Mountain rest queue.

24/02/14 12:20:44

Glyn Evans Vote score: 13401Glyn Evans

For some drivers, this makes no fucking difference.

31/01/14 8:13:20

Mark England Vote score: 24078Mark England

George was hoping to make the Olympus diving team

26/01/14 10:37:47

Zac Kramer Vote score: 10993Zac Kramer

Sony Liston

25/01/14 12:00:10

I didn't see the other one until after voting for this one, but this caption just gets straight to the gag (I was going to say 'punch line', but I resisted. Doh!). The other one is good, but the setup goes all over the place in order to get to ... --Michael Winner
Neil Mackenzie Vote score: 16223Neil Mackenzie

Roy was being stalked by an old flame.

07/01/14 10:12:31

Lucky Elperro Vote score: 6321Lucky Elperro

"I'm going to climb that mountain. If I'm not back in two days, send more batteries"

29/12/13 21:24:07

It's always the way- the ones that I think are really good never get more than a single vote (if any), and some of the captions that I knock off sometimes come top. I wish I knew what the formula was for writing captions that get votes- in the ca... --Michael Winner
Cath Jones Vote score: 38816Cath Jones

Hop along classily.

19/11/13 12:21:48

Michael Winner Vote score: 25610Michael Winner

Although it was invented in 1862, it wasn't until 1914 that the Land Mine was first used correctly.

14/11/13 8:27:34

Tosser Wivlov Vote score: 6766Tosser Wivlov

No win, no fee, no photocopier, no table, no....

28/10/13 15:04:52

No tarypublic --Lee Hauxwell
Mr Blonde Vote score: 24530Mr Blonde

The Empire Strikes Bach.

19/09/13 11:22:01

Michael Winner Vote score: 25610Michael Winner

Mirror, mirror, mirror, mirror, mirror, mirror, mirror, mirror, mirror, signal, manoeuvre.

21/07/13 7:09:59

Tracy Davidson Vote score: 9777Tracy Davidson

A ginger pussy, a pole and two fat cows...reminds me of my stag night.

17/06/13 11:05:04

D C Vote score: 2691D C

Unlike most I.T. Geeks, Eddie had actually been laid.

16/06/13 21:05:37

Pete  Vote score: 18533Pete

An infestation of hammerhead spiders was driving Rover mad.

31/05/13 11:26:05

Thanks to this caption, most of my sandwich is now all over my keyboard. --Oli Blackwell
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