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Pussy Galore

	This Week			All Time
	Added	Score	Rank	Added	Score	Rank
Captions	5	10	#23	4443	6341	#33
Comments	1	1	#5	685	724	#10
Forum Posts	2			79

caption quota: 10
caption votes given since joining: 9,153
comment quota: 4
comment votes given since joining: 590

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captions comments received

captions

"Why are you leaving the job?"
"The doctor says I've got parking zones disease."

11/02/17 20:48:38

Thank you for all the votes. That's my highest score to date. :) --Pussy Galore

How many times do I have to tell the kids not to accept lifts from strangers?

15/01/17 12:03:17

Thanks for the votes everyone, this is my highest-scoring caption to date. :) --Pussy Galore

11/10/16 20:16:20

Super collie's fragile biscuits fix his halitosis.

11/11/18 10:27:30

Reminded me of the greatest football headline ever printed -When Celtic suffered a shock defeat by Inverness Caledonian Thistle in the cup --' Super Caley go ballistic Celtic are atrocious.' --stone face

Cash on Delivery

05/08/18 20:30:19

"Business is slow today, son. Release the pigeons."

01/06/18 23:24:11

28/12/18 10:34:16

Dinner dinner dinner dinner dinner dinner dinner dinner Batman!

21/10/18 9:57:54

Game of Thrones

19/02/17 12:33:15

Ha ha. He's already got one, lol. ;) --Pussy Galore

It's very odd, but when I started wearing these, I couldn't take my hat off. Then I realised I'd left the caps lock on.

14/01/17 8:20:16

I thought we'd park here to be on the safe side.

16/09/16 12:00:32

In the year 2050, the local takeaway proudly announces that it hasn't put its prices up since 2018.

22/10/18 13:03:09

"We're trying to get him out of the habit. None of us dare yawn at home."

26/08/17 10:52:28

Wow, thanks everybody! I'm in the game for the laughs and never expected to win, and this isn't even my highest-scoring caption, so it's doubly surprising! I think this calls for a celebration (Pussy reaches for a tin of salmon, purring loudly... --Pussy Galore

"Excuse me, there's no toilet paper in the Gents."

29/03/17 12:03:45

They're both guilty - it's written all over their faces.

16/11/16 20:07:13

"I think I know what the problem is," said the doctor. "He's not eating properly."

13/10/16 20:14:10

Watch their eyes light up when I open a tin of salmon.

10/08/16 12:57:15

"My head hertz."

09/11/18 20:06:42

Mick was exhausted after digging a hole to try and hide the yacht he'd stolen.

13/07/18 15:33:38

Who says it takes two to tango?

07/07/18 22:39:22

"Darling, have a word with the kids, will you? They've put the fish in the washing machine again."

09/06/18 10:21:50

The Dark Knight Rises

12/08/17 20:18:15

After a lengthy investigation, the cops decided the eggs hadn't been stolen, they had simply been mislaid.

06/05/17 17:25:57

Thit! Don't you jutht hate it when you bite your tongue.

31/10/16 20:05:20

I didn't think anyone still used the Galaxy Note 7.

16/11/18 10:14:58

Well, that locksmith did get me in, but I'm not sure I'd use him again.

17/08/18 20:07:17

"Mum says when you've finished meditating, can she have her tea-towel back?"

16/01/18 13:10:26

The wife always buys me a pair of boxers for Christmas.

21/10/17 20:01:28

Looks more like the day after Christmas to me. --Crunchy Chords

Mother always says take an overgoat in case it turns chilly.

15/01/17 12:04:49

Takeaway menu: Try our family bucket deal.

28/11/16 9:41:12

KenChucky Fried Chicken.

14/11/16 22:17:21

Meals on wheels

21/08/18 12:18:12

🎵🎵 We're in the Monet

21/07/18 18:03:50

"I've fixed your mother's bedside lamp, darling."

11/04/18 12:18:47

"Gran, you're making an exhibition of yourself again."

12/10/17 20:04:12

16/02/17 20:04:51

Have mine :) --Mr Dome

He just wanted a brief glimpse.

03/02/17 8:05:43

"Harry! The grandkids have been feeding Tommy with your Viagra tablets again!"

23/11/18 20:00:21

When looking for intelligent life, the dish always points away from earth.

13/07/18 10:02:59

"Hello, banking services? Can you tell me why I can't withdraw any cash, please?"
"Certainly, Madam. It appears you're badly overdrawn."

24/06/18 12:00:15

Don't shoot the messenger.

26/05/18 20:07:03

We're expecting a bulletin

26/05/18 20:00:36

26/05/18 20:00:12

"...and seventy five condoms, please. I'm doing sex education with Year 10 boys tomorrow."

17/12/17 20:54:14

You counted them, didn't you? Sad thing is I just checked. --Vivvy En

My brother got the silver spoon in his mouth. I had to make do with the napkin ring.

30/09/17 10:25:01

All dolled up with nowhere to go

31/08/17 12:00:15

"Slow down, guys! I've pulled a mussel."

31/07/17 20:19:50

Invasion of the Killer Toilet Roll Holders.

31/05/17 10:33:28

Welcome to the human race, son.

31/03/17 21:03:31

"Which flat does Bob live in?"
"I haven't a clue."

06/02/17 12:01:57

A nice bowl of Pot Purry will enhance any room.

23/01/17 12:00:32

Well, it's not fit for human habitation, that's for sure. Let's rent it out to students.

13/01/17 9:25:02

with the students in them? --Mr Dome

"How did he get up there?"
"He's been eating helium balloons again."
"Oh well, whatever floats your goat."

30/11/16 10:34:14

Impressive Aperture.

05/11/16 14:11:01

hahahaha --sandeep chahal

It makes a great getaway vehicle. Totally confuses forensics.

24/10/16 20:07:05

Only fools and Hearses

24/08/16 12:07:00

🎵 Now bring us some twiggy pudding,
Now bring us some twiggy pudding,
Now bring us some twiggy pudding
And bring it out here." 🎵

23/12/18 20:24:04

Put your money where your mouth is.

23/12/18 14:10:14

🎵 Honda first day of Christmas, Santa brought to me... 🎵

22/12/18 10:20:54

Put the kettle on, love. I'm spitting feathers here.

10/12/18 23:43:24

Have you met our new lab technicians?

03/12/18 12:52:48

When librarians have children.

02/12/18 12:32:10

She's a lovely girl. Never a crossword.

01/12/18 21:33:59

After a spell of poor trading, they have been re-named The Folding Door Company.

16/11/18 12:21:12

You never know when there's a kidnapper lying in weight.

17/08/18 12:30:14

Swamped with work

09/08/18 20:00:28

Tune in next week when our experimental chef tackles TV dinners.

27/07/18 20:44:05

"I'm just popping in the shoe shop. I'll meet you back here," said his wife, five hours ago.

09/06/18 13:18:15

"Did you remember the magazines for the coffee table?"

03/06/18 20:00:08

There are times you have to be grateful you don't play the double bass.

02/06/18 20:02:06

"Youngsters are too soft these days. In my day it was vinegar and brown paper."

26/05/18 19:44:54

My caravan has been stolen again. Police are beginning to see a pattern.

30/10/17 10:33:19

Stick another burger on the Barbie.

31/08/17 20:00:07

"Let's go to Mull of Kintyre for our holidays," you said. "The scenery is breath-taking," you said.

19/12/16 14:07:35

Larry was disappointed to wake up and find he wasn't tucking into a giant slice of watermelon after all.

26/12/18 21:02:07

Are you sure this is how you play tick tack toe?

19/12/18 12:15:52

B*llocks to shopping, thought Steve.

06/12/18 9:46:53

Everything was fine until he got picked up by the fuzz.

02/12/18 11:20:03

"Are you absolutely sure you want a piggy-back?"

23/11/18 16:48:01

"I know my mother is superstitious, George, but you still won't put her off coming to visit."

18/08/18 20:18:49

18/06/18 13:59:35

It's an interesting idea for a chess set but it does make it hard to concentrate.

20/12/17 13:45:23

Dummies for Windows

01/12/17 10:31:21

There's always something clogging up the streets these days.

24/11/17 10:23:47

"Doctor, my nipples are clogged."

(Belated nod to Sat 19:30:47, which I have only just seen. Sorry.)

29/10/17 0:59:34

"What the hell's this? I've been given a barking ticket!"

17/10/17 16:10:06

Customers found it difficult to leave the shop because they'd put all their basques in one exit.

15/09/17 12:00:22

That new aftershave brought Jim out in hives.

21/06/17 20:01:46

"No thanks, it's gone coaled."

24/04/17 14:53:31

Nigel stared in wonder at this new type of e-reader. Why had nobody thought of it before? No batteries, no recharging, and even allowed on the plane.

06/04/17 8:40:51

...also, instant load times, no backlight glare, and you can read it in the bath. I'm just off to Kickstarter... --Michael Winner

They knew she'd be nervous on the ride, so in a last-ditch effort to stop her biting her nails, Ellen's parents resorted to the broom handle through the sleeves trick.

26/02/17 12:41:15

So that's what baited breath looks like.

22/02/17 12:06:03

🎵🎵 Like a ciabatta out of hell 🎵🎵

13/02/17 0:50:00

"Ma'am, the breathalyser shows that you've had a few stiff ones."
"It can tell that as well? Oh my word, isn't technology these days amazing?"

03/02/17 22:54:45

🎵 I see you baby, stood on that ass. 🎵

25/01/17 9:50:47

Sheikh on that ass? --Ross Davidson

Post traumatic stress

25/08/16 13:30:46

1st Class Act --Tiny Alien

Cutting Hedge Technology

16/08/16 12:54:52

Abit high tech for me. --John Glover

"Have you flossed recently?"
"No, I just sort of shuffle round the dance floor a bit."

29/12/18 21:27:31

Scientists have noticed that bears are developing a taste for fast food.

21/08/18 12:21:59

*Don't walk and text*

14/08/18 9:22:07