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  I always cry at weldings.
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Crunchy Chords Vote score: 4111Crunchy Chords
  I always cry at weldings.

26/04/19 14:59:11

 
Welsh Rarebit Vote score: 38790Welsh Rarebit

This isn't just any onion, this is a Marks & Sparks onion

26/04/19 12:05:37

 
Dave Bryan Vote score: 11824Dave Bryan

The Nan In The Iron Mask

26/04/19 13:26:21

 
Boycie Vote score: 6700Boycie

Masking her tears

26/04/19 12:53:03

 
Sam Cass Vote score: 1007Sam Cass

Bad hijab day.

26/04/19 13:10:11

 
Scrappy Doo Vote score: 2770Scrappy Doo

We are the knights who make soup.

26/04/19 12:32:43

 
Joe Vote score: 1621Joe

‘How would you like your steak and onion sandwich, sir...Rare? Medium?’
‘Weld on’
‘Mmm, odd request, but the customer is always right, I guess...’

26/04/19 17:54:23

 
Paul Woolley Vote score: 3354Paul Woolley

Darth Vader used to enjoy his bank holidays.

26/04/19 18:46:34

 
The Wolf Vote score: 8834The Wolf

“Mr Ramsay, could you please have a polite quiet word with the new apprentice? She’s a bit shy and Health and Safety conscious and seems to be taking a while chopping that onion”

“Yeah sure. HEY, YOU F*CKING USELESS F*CKING PIECE OF SH*T, HURRY THE F*CK UP WITH THAT F*CKING ONION YOU F*CKING IDIOT. YOU’RE NEVER GOING TO AMOUNT TO F*CK ALL”

26/04/19 12:05:51

 
Stephen Bean Vote score: 12338Stephen Bean

It's natural to fear the Spanish Ignition.

26/04/19 13:31:26

 
stone face Vote score: 8222stone face

"Oh come on love,It's only a cold sore."

26/04/19 12:06:59

 
Poxy Jock Vote score: 86Poxy Jock

New course available: Hara Kiri for beginners

26/04/19 20:35:55

 1
"It's a complete mystery- we just can't find any teachers with the right experience." --Michael Winner
James Lennox Vote score: 6382James Lennox

Be specifc when advertising for new staff. "Previous experience preferred," for example, may be a bit vague.

26/04/19 13:23:02

 
The Wolf Vote score: 8834The Wolf

"Dave, I know the BBQ has only just started but I can't take much more of this, my eyes are streaming. I'll finish this one and that shallot"

26/04/19 12:26:57

 
Neil Mackenzie Vote score: 11086Neil Mackenzie

She hoped the strong onion odour would mask her smelly panny.

27/04/19 22:25:43

 
Gavin Smithers Vote score: 409Gavin Smithers

After Brexit and a Labour General Election win, the railways are nationalised but there's no money for council house repairs and Trident has been abolished.

26/04/19 21:46:24

 
Gavin Smithers Vote score: 409Gavin Smithers

The government of North Korea says its citizens are enjoying better housing, diet and national security.

26/04/19 21:41:19

 
Gavin Smithers Vote score: 409Gavin Smithers

The kitchen in "The Handmaid's Tale" is working well, but someone's behind with the laundry.

26/04/19 20:38:35

 
Dan Nicholls Vote score: 15347Dan Nicholls

Next on Masterchef - The Grotesques, meet Marion, who has pins for teeth and only one nostril.

26/04/19 14:48:11

 
Vanessa  the Guesser Vote score: 13299Vanessa the Guesser

🎵 Don't cry for me larger Tina 🎵

26/04/19 13:03:32

 
James Lennox Vote score: 6382James Lennox

The Mayans no longer practise ritual human sacrifice, but watch out if you're an onion.

26/04/19 12:50:19

 
John  Glover Vote score: 20959John Glover

"Can't you get out of that hammock and do the dinner today Nick, as I'm only half way through welding the tracks on your centurian tank."

26/04/19 12:32:14

 
Scrappy Doo Vote score: 2770Scrappy Doo

Leek, I am your father.

26/04/19 12:29:20

 
Tony Edwards Vote score: 32675Tony Edwards

Anon ion

26/04/19 12:26:48

 
Scrappy Doo Vote score: 2770Scrappy Doo

The Feudal Gourmet

26/04/19 12:23:05

 
John  Glover Vote score: 20959John Glover

"I lent me Nags Bridle to Harry across the road, his wife has been giving him a hard time, so I borrowed this from Bob the welder next door, cos my Betty keeps going on at me about the state of the garden."

26/04/19 12:17:51

 
Dave Bryan Vote score: 11824Dave Bryan

Freda Scuttle

26/04/19 12:11:31

 
Spycenwolf  Vote score: 874Spycenwolf

"No, I assure, I'm not crying because of the ending of Titanic. It's the onion, I swear."

26/04/19 12:05:57

 
Mr Dome  Vote score: 10295Mr Dome

Sith lords' guard's part time job

26/04/19 12:05:35

 
Dave Bryan Vote score: 11824Dave Bryan

Never let a child slice an onion. For safety reasons always give it to one of the welders.

26/04/19 12:02:25

 
Mr Dome  Vote score: 10295Mr Dome

Erm. Her cutting action looks a bit wrong....

26/04/19 12:02:20

 
Welsh Rarebit Vote score: 38790Welsh Rarebit

Glenda hoped that peeling an onion would put the spark back into her love life.

26/04/19 12:01:24

 
Chris Keegan Vote score: 9488Chris Keegan

Bless her, she cooks for the welderly.

26/04/19 12:00:28

 
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