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stone face Vote score: 10117stone face

Play was stopped today, when a fully clothed man ran on the pitch of the Bikini Soccer finals.

06/01/21 8:02:55

James Lennox Vote score: 25860James Lennox

Kiwi fruit

27/11/20 8:36:38

😂😂😂 I’ve since looked at a Kiwi bird on Images and now it all makes sense and it’s a brilliant caption. I couldn’t stop laughing when I saw what the Kiwi bird looked like. I am going to lol this caption because it’s funny and clev... --Karen Oakenfull
Stephen Bean Vote score: 52459Stephen Bean

"I threw caution to the wind and it came back."

20/11/20 12:26:24

C CaMel Vote score: 19599C CaMel

"Tickets were twenty quid each but let's party like it's £19.99"

19/11/20 12:43:50

That's a Princely sum. --Karyn Harrison
Guideaux . Vote score: 2412Guideaux .

"You should get that checked".

23/10/20 7:31:02

I much prefer "checked" - "chequered" would not carry the same pun. --Molly R
James Lennox Vote score: 25860James Lennox

Nobody makes better balloon animals than Dave.

29/09/20 19:15:41

Always start with a blowfish --Al Overy
Stephen Bean Vote score: 52459Stephen Bean

"Sorry guys, I can't eat any more. I'm stuffed."

19/09/20 11:00:07

Now if only I could get up. Somebody's put superglue on my seat. --Willie Johnson
C CaMel Vote score: 19599C CaMel

I prefer live music.

18/09/20 10:06:49

Dave Bryan Vote score: 40258Dave Bryan

''Am I OK here, Vincent?''

''Actually, I've changed my mind. I think the painting will be better without you in it.''

15/09/20 7:15:47

Rachel P Vote score: 2304Rachel P

Midsummer Murder

13/09/20 12:27:13

Stu Dent Vote score: 5751Stu Dent

Gardeners Question Time

13/07/20 11:00:11

Paul Reeve Vote score: 5854Paul Reeve

"Watch out Dave, the coppers are behind you."

07/07/20 19:23:39

Stephen Bean Vote score: 52459Stephen Bean

Kitty Kitty Bang Bang

07/07/20 11:05:05

Or Gang Bang? --Karyn Harrison
Mark England Vote score: 24078Mark England

It was at that moment that the magician wished he had used a rabbit

07/07/20 7:03:05

C CaMel Vote score: 19599C CaMel

"Sorry for squinting, sons in my eyes."

03/07/20 19:05:12

Dave Bryan Vote score: 40258Dave Bryan

Shortly after this photo was taken, the penguin on the left was eaten by a seal. Please take this into account when you are posting your captions.

02/07/20 11:43:32

2 days in and it looks like the £50 prize is already buggered for the month. Great caption. --James Lennox
stone face Vote score: 10117stone face

🎵 You picked a fine time to leave me loose wheel 🎵

12/06/20 7:01:02

Everyone seems to be distancing themselves fron Cummings these days. --Morgan .
Tony Edwards Vote score: 42618Tony Edwards

"I used to be the Apple of their eye."

29/05/20 11:15:21

Mark England Vote score: 24078Mark England

"Hello, I'm Dr Ball. How many mushrooms have you swallowed?"

30/04/20 7:27:16

Mr Dome  Vote score: 20098Mr Dome

Lean Cuisine

29/04/20 9:26:46

Mark England Vote score: 24078Mark England

Some Paralympic events simply do not work

09/04/20 7:35:58

I hate myself, but I can't stop laughing at this. --James Lennox
Neil Mackenzie Vote score: 16223Neil Mackenzie

Beans in a light sauce.

30/03/20 7:00:10

Stephen Bean Vote score: 52459Stephen Bean

Lance Legstrong

28/03/20 12:00:05

Vanessa  the Guesser Vote score: 24950Vanessa the Guesser

Who you gonna call? Ghostbuskers

21/03/20 12:00:10

There is no Dana. Only Zuul. --Scrijjy Doo
Vanessa  the Guesser Vote score: 24950Vanessa the Guesser

"Bling out your dead!"

18/03/20 20:27:47

Vanessa  the Guesser Vote score: 24950Vanessa the Guesser

"I won it on a scratch card."

09/03/20 12:00:12

Stephen Bean Vote score: 52459Stephen Bean

Scientists are close to understanding why women live longer than men.

04/03/20 12:00:05

Vanessa  the Guesser Vote score: 24950Vanessa the Guesser

I didn't realise it was Leslie Ash Wednesday

04/03/20 8:03:15

Very funny. Not an easy photo to caption. --Dave Bryan
Tony Edwards Vote score: 42618Tony Edwards

Donor kebab

24/02/20 12:38:08

Neil Mackenzie Vote score: 16223Neil Mackenzie

When you catch the biggest fish you've ever caught, and the wife says she's had bigger.

09/02/20 8:14:50

Madeline Charlton Vote score: 349Madeline Charlton

Captcha: tick all boxes with a dog in it.

24/01/20 20:05:33

Damn me too!! --Mark Wilson
Stephen Bean Vote score: 52459Stephen Bean

One of the most difficult jobs in the world is to give a sick whale a suppository.

16/01/20 20:16:12

Chris Keegan Vote score: 15724Chris Keegan

This is incredible , if you screw your eyes up, tilt your head slightly to one side and totally concentrate on the image, after about 5 minutes you'll feel a sharp slap on the back of the head and the missus screaming "you're not on that bloody caption thing again!"

14/01/20 12:17:31

That's a magic "Oi!" --Troompa Loompa
Tony Edwards Vote score: 42618Tony Edwards

Charm offensive

29/12/19 8:41:56

Vanessa  the Guesser Vote score: 24950Vanessa the Guesser

Grate Expectations.

27/12/19 20:00:11

Mr Dome  Vote score: 20098Mr Dome

- are you a wookie?
- no I am an experienced wobot

19/12/19 8:44:08

Brilliant! --Lynne A
Kenny Ireland Vote score: 6396Kenny Ireland

Time Lord.

14/12/19 10:46:08

Molly R Vote score: 5237Molly R

Whaddya mean, you fancied me more in the rubber suit?

12/12/19 12:00:08

Chris Keegan Vote score: 15724Chris Keegan

"Darling, when I suggested putting a Garland in the window I was actually thinking of something a bit more Christmassy"

06/12/19 12:00:49

Crunchy Chords Vote score: 8839Crunchy Chords



"Gynaecologist?"
"Close. Pussy doctor."

05/11/19 8:01:50

Dan Nicholls Vote score: 19925Dan Nicholls

Don't worry Don, we'll Photoshop the PlayStation controller out.

02/11/19 14:04:28

Paul Reeve Vote score: 5854Paul Reeve

After eating a whole group of monkeys, Susan washed the feast down with a few beers.

28/10/19 20:13:45

Mr Dome  Vote score: 20098Mr Dome

I said leave him at the coroner

11/10/19 7:21:14

Chris Keegan Vote score: 15724Chris Keegan

£50

Oh Jeeezus, that was a mistake drying off the puppies in the microwave...

08/10/19 7:24:53

A genuine laugh out loud moment for me. Well done, Chris. By the way, I've heard the RSPCA will be paying you a visit later. --Vivvy En
Dave Bryan Vote score: 40258Dave Bryan

''Can I have some mice in it?''

22/08/19 7:00:24

Mark England Vote score: 24078Mark England

"I got rid of that frog in my throat, but I'm still a little hoarse"

16/08/19 11:04:54

Karyn Harrison Vote score: 13863Karyn Harrison

Two turds off in the sale.

09/08/19 11:02:38

Ron  Allan Vote score: 5548Ron Allan

It just requires a garage to keep the Rolls

30/07/19 9:45:36

Stu Dent Vote score: 5751Stu Dent

The worst case of writers block I have ever seen.

06/07/19 11:22:11

Welsh Rarebit Vote score: 38816Welsh Rarebit

"When Bob asked me to marry him, I explained to him that my children and I come as a package."

30/06/19 19:00:07

The Wolf Vote score: 21910The Wolf

Bucket and Spayed

28/06/19 19:13:37

Chris Keegan Vote score: 15724Chris Keegan

Jack Knickerless

24/06/19 11:54:05

Welsh Rarebit Vote score: 38816Welsh Rarebit

JC and the Sunshine Band

10/06/19 11:01:07

Tony Edwards Vote score: 42618Tony Edwards

Bacon and legs

31/05/19 19:47:49

Ian Skelding Vote score: 35219Ian Skelding

Texticles

Nod to 8:08:02

19/05/19 8:06:58

  Smuldo Vote score: 11761 Smuldo

Parasight.

05/05/19 19:06:55

stone face Vote score: 10117stone face

Don't hire Paul Vause photography. He's good at what he does, but he specialises in football photos, and he insists on dressing people up in footie kits and creating little scenarios.This photo is from my son's wedding day. That's my lad with the priest.

29/04/19 11:32:14

Welsh Rarebit Vote score: 38816Welsh Rarebit

This isn't just any onion, this is a Marks & Sparks onion

26/04/19 11:05:37

stone face Vote score: 10117stone face

"All you can hear is the endless chatter of high pitch gibberish, squeals and howls."

"Ok ..OK ..Give me a chance . Am trying to get rid of Radio One."

22/04/19 19:47:03

Many thanks --Dave Bryan
Stu Dent Vote score: 5751Stu Dent

The orient express

07/04/19 7:00:08

Stephen Bean Vote score: 52459Stephen Bean

Be careful not to annoy them. They might fly off the handle.

04/04/19 7:26:24

Hercules  Rockefeller Vote score: 16353Hercules Rockefeller

The Bird Watching Society was initially disappointed at the lack of owls. Then they spotted the tits.

14/03/19 8:07:51

I went out with a girl from the Bird Watching Society and ended up with thrush. --stone face
Stu Dent Vote score: 5751Stu Dent

handicap

10/03/19 20:02:20

James Lennox Vote score: 25860James Lennox

Giving up smoking, diary entry day 23: Either I'm starting to hallucinate or my wife is a bitch.

03/03/19 20:47:18

No she’s not, she menthol 🙃 --Karen Oakenfull
Ian Skelding Vote score: 35219Ian Skelding

Human bean

26/02/19 8:05:26

Dave Bryan Vote score: 40258Dave Bryan

The museum decided to hang the main exhibit slightly left of centaur.

24/02/19 8:05:35

Dan Nicholls Vote score: 19925Dan Nicholls

Arse about face

30/01/19 12:02:09

Welsh Rarebit Vote score: 38816Welsh Rarebit

Soldiers were brought in to help clean up the mess.

28/01/19 12:02:09

Dan Nicholls Vote score: 19925Dan Nicholls

For God's sake Dad, just light the barbecue.

28/01/19 8:13:49

Welsh Rarebit Vote score: 38816Welsh Rarebit

🎵 Here comes the tide.. 🎵

19/01/19 8:00:08

Dave Bryan Vote score: 40258Dave Bryan

That's no mere cat.

14/01/19 12:00:40

Hercules  Rockefeller Vote score: 16353Hercules Rockefeller

Funny Farm

08/01/19 20:31:23

He'd always been a bit unstable. --Karyn Harrison
Spycenwolf  Vote score: 874Spycenwolf

Rodent's Thinker.

04/01/19 20:13:27

Chris Keegan Vote score: 15724Chris Keegan

Panting by numbers

02/01/19 16:33:06

Chris Keegan Vote score: 15724Chris Keegan

"It's a lemon entry my dear Watson"

18/12/18 12:00:41

Chris Keegan Vote score: 15724Chris Keegan

Reader's Digest

17/12/18 20:00:10

Mr Dome  Vote score: 20098Mr Dome

Belinda went everywhere with her giant dog

14/12/18 8:01:15

Clifford? --Karyn Harrison
Dot Old Vote score: 3178Dot Old

The Abdomenable Snowman

07/12/18 20:00:08

Chris Keegan Vote score: 15724Chris Keegan

"Not tonight love, I've got a monumental headache"

29/11/18 12:02:47

"...mind if I grab your ASpirin?" --Greg Curtis
Welsh Rarebit Vote score: 38816Welsh Rarebit

Konnichihuahua

24/11/18 20:00:11

Ian Skelding Vote score: 35219Ian Skelding

"My husband loves my paintings but he has no idea where my inspiration comes from."

17/11/18 9:55:11

Pussy Galore Vote score: 7065Pussy Galore

Super collie's fragile biscuits fix his halitosis.

11/11/18 10:27:30

Reminded me of the greatest football headline ever printed -When Celtic suffered a shock defeat by Inverness Caledonian Thistle in the cup --' Super Caley go ballistic Celtic are atrocious.' --stone face
Charles Gleason Vote score: 834Charles Gleason

"I want THAT one...."

18/10/18 7:07:34

Smuldo Vote score: 11761Smuldo

They were only married five minutes, but the crack's were starting to show.

17/10/18 19:17:39

Charles Gleason Vote score: 834Charles Gleason

🎵 "I fought the slaw and the, slaw won..."

02/10/18 7:30:59

She'll be breakin rocks in the hot sun soon, --stone face
Welsh Rarebit Vote score: 38816Welsh Rarebit

When Gran said she was going to Spar...?

30/09/18 19:00:08

John Llamas Vote score: 20904John Llamas

"You said ...'write something punchy' ..."

27/09/18 8:12:20

Tony Edwards Vote score: 42618Tony Edwards

Lidl old lady

23/09/18 7:10:03

Dave Bryan Vote score: 40258Dave Bryan

Where's Wally: Level 1

21/09/18 11:02:11

Mark England Vote score: 24078Mark England

"I found it in the road. It's a 'Truck-killed flattypuss'"

19/09/18 7:53:27

Pete  Vote score: 18533Pete

Male customer: "Can I leave a deposit on this dress?"

16/09/18 19:29:51

John  Glover Vote score: 23223John Glover

"The boss said this job had to be FLAWLESS you idiots."

09/09/18 13:04:59

Crunchy Chords Vote score: 8839Crunchy Chords
  Greenwich Bean Time

08/09/18 7:00:18

Vivvy En Vote score: 16785Vivvy En

Fried and gone to heaven

27/08/18 11:16:33

Hercules  Rockefeller Vote score: 16353Hercules Rockefeller

"Are we there, Yeti?"

21/08/18 7:03:52

C CaMel Vote score: 19599C CaMel

"I'm not really a big drinker."

13/08/18 19:13:54

I think we need more understatement at this site: YOURS is a wonderful example, (and very dry). --Greg Curtis
Welsh Rarebit Vote score: 38816Welsh Rarebit

Loafers

10/08/18 19:00:08

Dan Nicholls Vote score: 19925Dan Nicholls

Warning: May contain nuts.

06/08/18 13:04:19

Welsh Rarebit Vote score: 38816Welsh Rarebit

Transvestheights

31/07/18 11:07:57

Pete  Vote score: 18533Pete

"I'll be out in a moment, I'm having trouble burying it."

27/07/18 7:29:28

My cat thought it was hilarious - ordered me to give it a gold star. --Dave Bryan
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