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"Matrons Easter egg hunt gets harder every year."
"Matrons Easter egg hunt gets harder every year." photo | portfolio
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Stephen Bean Vote score: 15597Stephen Bean

"Matron's Easter egg hunt gets harder every year."

04/04/21 20:06:38

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Ian Skelding Vote score: 24472Ian Skelding

"Yep, I think we can allow him to go into the pub."

04/04/21 20:00:15

 
Stephen Paterson Vote score: 3448Stephen Paterson

There was no mention of this on the SunLife advert!?

04/04/21 20:36:52

 
stone face Vote score: 9108stone face

Due to back logs caused by covid. The NHS are lumping as many operations as they can together. Here's Mr Thompson getting his tonsils, hemorrhoids and foreskin removed.

04/04/21 20:10:36

 
Al Overy Vote score: 4774Al Overy

"So, Monsieur. You thought you could smuggle ze ham sandwiche into France did you?"

04/04/21 20:00:32

 
Troompa Loompa Vote score: 20292Troompa Loompa

"C'mon guys, you gotta find something wrong with me. I don't want to go back to the office."

04/04/21 20:00:27

 
Ian Skelding Vote score: 24472Ian Skelding

This wasn't the big check one of Matt Hancock's chums was expecting.

04/04/21 20:42:07

 
James Lennox Vote score: 8058James Lennox

"On second thoughts, I don't want my eyes straightened."

04/04/21 20:04:31

 
Mr Dome  Vote score: 11447Mr Dome

- Open wide Mr Davis
- Which hole?

04/04/21 21:13:56

 
The Wolf Vote score: 11774The Wolf

"When do you think it would be a good time to tell him that we're hospital porters?"

04/04/21 20:41:44

 
stone face Vote score: 9108stone face

"Don't worry Mr Smith. we WILL find the winning lottery ticket."

04/04/21 20:02:13

 
Stephen Bean Vote score: 15597Stephen Bean

Question: How many medical students does it take to find a light bulb?

Answer: More than 5.

05/04/21 1:47:04

 
Karen Oakenfull Vote score: 1991Karen Oakenfull

Melvin’s terrifying ordeal in A&E, finally ended after a call came in from his partner, telling them, “Panic over.” as he’d just found the hamster down the back of the headboard.

05/04/21 0:07:07

 
Molly R Vote score: 2639Molly R

"Don't worry, sir, I can see light at the end of the tunnel."

04/04/21 20:47:35

 
Troompa Loompa Vote score: 20292Troompa Loompa

"We're sorry to tell you Mr Smith you've got terminal cancer but don't worry, Dr Johnson there is going to make sure you have a Happy Ending."

04/04/21 20:28:05

 
The Wolf Vote score: 11774The Wolf

"So you're saying you're NOT Mr Jones, you're Mr Jonas? Oh dear. Sir, I'm so sorry. Your wife is in the next room. We'll leave you to say your goodbyes"

04/04/21 20:24:43

 
Mark England Vote score: 17962Mark England

"What the fuck! I only came in for an ingrowing toenail"

04/04/21 20:19:11

 
Ellen Duncalf Vote score: 828Ellen Duncalf

“I can’t believe you’ve lost your car keys again Dr.Rogers.”

04/04/21 20:16:52

 
Neil Mackenzie Vote score: 11705Neil Mackenzie

Examining a Politician to find how they open their mouths but talk out of their ass.

04/04/21 20:06:00

 
Troompa Loompa Vote score: 20292Troompa Loompa

"No, I said I was a little hoarse not a little horse."

04/04/21 20:01:34

 
Al Overy Vote score: 4774Al Overy

After a spate of gerbil disappearances, the spotlight once again fell on Richard Gere.

04/04/21 20:01:11

 
Dot Old Vote score: 1468Dot Old

"Huh? Find my secret of good captioning, my *rse!"

04/04/21 20:01:02

 
Mark Wilson Vote score: 2788Mark Wilson

Doctor at mouth end: "Cough please"

Doctor at arse end: "Don't cough, don't cough"

05/04/21 14:01:31

 
Lady Scotland Lady Scotland

They all took it in turns, guessing what Dave had for breakfast. Frank, at the bum end,was sure he could smell egg when Jeff pressed his abdomen. He was damned if he could tell scrambled or poached though!!!!

05/04/21 9:55:22

 
Mark Wilson Vote score: 2788Mark Wilson

... I was stood in the nothing to declare line, wasn't I?

05/04/21 8:55:56

 
Greg Curtis Vote score: 6537Greg Curtis

"Take it EASY down there, Ted, I said URINE sample."

05/04/21 3:36:53

 
Greg Curtis Vote score: 6537Greg Curtis

"Mario Andretti, age 81––pauses––for a SIMPLY STUNNING physical."

05/04/21 3:31:54

 
SHA SHA Vote score: 194SHA SHA

"But I thought the new Covid tests were supposed to be less invasive than the nose swab."

05/04/21 1:36:30

 
Ryan French Vote score: 18Ryan French

So any plans for the weekend Dave?

05/04/21 0:37:25

 
C CaMel Vote score: 7031C CaMel

"No, I'm here to fix the table."

04/04/21 23:39:56

 
The Wolf Vote score: 11774The Wolf

"Our next patient has just returned from a stag do in Blackpool. I hope you all need the overtime..."

04/04/21 21:09:59

 
John  Glover Vote score: 21440John Glover

"Oh come on lads, the missing piece of our ten thousand part jig saw has to be in him or on him somewhere."

04/04/21 21:08:42

 
The Wolf Vote score: 11774The Wolf

"OK YOU LOT, BACK TO YOUR ROOMS. Sorry Mr Wibble. Please continue your safety inspection of our secure Psychiatric facility"

04/04/21 21:04:28

 
The Wolf Vote score: 11774The Wolf

It's baffled physicians for decades. But there's still no rational explanation for a Geordie accent.

04/04/21 20:48:26

 
Glyn Evans Vote score: 7795Glyn Evans

This is what a car must feel like when it goes for a service.

04/04/21 20:40:23

 
stone face Vote score: 9108stone face

Student junior surgeons are routinely left to experiment on willing patients....

"Ok Larry, shine that torch down his todger, and we'll see what end the light comes out."

04/04/21 20:23:59

 
SnapDragon D Vote score: 152SnapDragon D

Chinese Covid Anal Swab Effectiveness Results:

1. Ability to detect viruses = 0

2. Ability to inflict soul crushing public humiliation for the purpose of absolute control = 10

Result : Fully approved and taxpayer funded, to be deployed in all sectors.

04/04/21 20:22:02

 
Willie Johnson Vote score: 2534Willie Johnson

Armie Hammer has another dinner guest inspected.

04/04/21 20:19:13

 
Troompa Loompa Vote score: 20292Troompa Loompa

A toy car as a distraction when visiting the dentist only works at best for 2 or 3 years.

04/04/21 20:16:02

 
Karyn Harrison Vote score: 5627Karyn Harrison

'Now I know how Rex feels when I take him for his annual check up.'

04/04/21 20:15:10

 
Dot Old Vote score: 1468Dot Old

The Not So Wellman Clinic

04/04/21 20:10:51

 
Troompa Loompa Vote score: 20292Troompa Loompa

So this is what they mean by a National Health Service.

04/04/21 20:10:08

 
Troompa Loompa Vote score: 20292Troompa Loompa

With BUPA you can get a health check every 2 years or anally.

04/04/21 20:06:38

 
Ellen Duncalf Vote score: 828Ellen Duncalf

Yes, the AstraZeneca vaccine is completely safe but we just need to do a few routine checks.

04/04/21 20:00:10

 
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