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All the swans have got their heads stuck in the feeders again Bob.
All the swans have got their heads stuck in the feeders again Bob. photo | portfolio
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Tony S Vote score: 1829Tony S

All the swans have got their heads stuck in the feeders again Bob.

02/05/21 20:25:24

 2
It's pea green. --Willie Johnson
Nina Dutton Vote score: 216Nina Dutton

“Noah, we’ve not got time for you to go. Just get on the bloody ark!”

02/05/21 20:39:36

 
Mr Dome  Vote score: 11614Mr Dome

You'll only catch brown trout in here mate

02/05/21 21:06:28

 1
Or maybe a loggerhead turtle or two. --Willie Johnson
Greg Curtis Vote score: 6675Greg Curtis

"...could be worse: You could live downstairs."

03/05/21 7:27:16

 
Vivvy En Vote score: 7488Vivvy En

That's horrendous!
Yeah, absolutely no partitioning.

02/05/21 20:38:38

 
stone face Vote score: 9419stone face

Typical men...They just can't aim properly

02/05/21 20:17:50

 1
Maybe they should stop and ask for directions. --Willie Johnson
Troompa Loompa Vote score: 20723Troompa Loompa

Dave was fighting a losing battle as the Titanic's plumber.

02/05/21 20:04:57

 
Troompa Loompa Vote score: 20723Troompa Loompa

🎵 Waterloo
Knowing my fate is to be with you 🎵

02/05/21 20:23:31

 
Troompa Loompa Vote score: 20723Troompa Loompa

Plumbing the depths

02/05/21 20:07:18

 
stone face Vote score: 9419stone face

Plumb Bob Squirt Pants.

02/05/21 20:11:01

 2
Maybe SpongeBob SquarePants isn't as popular in the UK? --SnapDragon D
Glyn Evans Vote score: 7921Glyn Evans

"I hate coming in here after the weekend."

On tonight's Channel 5 documentary "Gentlemen's Pissing Contests" we explore the only Gents toilet in the world that accommodates guys with bad aims.

02/05/21 20:10:12

 2
Imagine what could be worse? - Oh yeah, the offending Gents and the Ladies coming together and using the Unisex. The result would probably be something similar to the toilet from Trainspotting" --Glyn Evans
Al Overy Vote score: 5346Al Overy

This is a job for Toilet Duck!

02/05/21 20:10:00

 
Ellen Duncalf Vote score: 896Ellen Duncalf

I hate being the on-call plumber when Wetherspoons has a “Vindaloo Night.”

02/05/21 20:02:06

 
Nina Dutton Vote score: 216Nina Dutton

"I think I smell bear wee?"

02/05/21 20:00:23

 
Kenny Ireland Vote score: 5488Kenny Ireland

Campsites reopen.

04/05/21 13:01:16

 
Greg Curtis Vote score: 6675Greg Curtis

Wade Options

03/05/21 7:36:07

 
Greg Curtis Vote score: 6675Greg Curtis

Plumb Confused

03/05/21 7:35:20

 
Greg Curtis Vote score: 6675Greg Curtis

"...and I'd cut out the fiber."

03/05/21 7:28:45

 
Greg Curtis Vote score: 6675Greg Curtis

"Which one is it?"

03/05/21 7:25:29

 
Karyn Harrison Vote score: 5784Karyn Harrison

Public inconvenience

02/05/21 20:21:25

 
Tony S Vote score: 1829Tony S

The river has burst its banks and flooded the building.
So why are you calling the office I told you that?
I'm on the 8th floor of a tower block.

02/05/21 20:21:11

 
Troompa Loompa Vote score: 20723Troompa Loompa

A splash in the pan.

02/05/21 20:14:12

 
Ian Skelding Vote score: 24854Ian Skelding

"Why have they called me out? all the toilets work fine."

02/05/21 20:13:18

 
Hercules  Rockefeller Vote score: 8089Hercules Rockefeller

Flush Flooding

02/05/21 20:11:36

 
Scrijjy Doo Vote score: 3572Scrijjy Doo

Oh No de Toilette

02/05/21 20:09:37

 
Ian Skelding Vote score: 24854Ian Skelding

"Urine a flood."

02/05/21 20:00:10

 
Kenny Ireland Vote score: 5488Kenny Ireland

Preparation are now complete for the Glastonbury festival.

04/05/21 13:03:14

 
Kenny Ireland Vote score: 5488Kenny Ireland

"Ding-dong. Could the handyman please contact the conning tower".

03/05/21 6:47:08

 
Kenny Ireland Vote score: 5488Kenny Ireland

At the local police station someone stole the toilet seats. The police have nothing to go on.

03/05/21 4:35:57

 
Greg Curtis Vote score: 6675Greg Curtis

"Should'a known, y'know, when you get a call from Sue Nami..."

03/05/21 3:47:17

 
Greg Curtis Vote score: 6675Greg Curtis

"Sorry, I, have to go."

03/05/21 3:44:44

 
Scrijjy Doo Vote score: 3572Scrijjy Doo

The sixth sick seat's sixth sheet's shit.

02/05/21 23:10:31

 
John  Glover Vote score: 21521John Glover

"Whatever it is, it's pissing out."

02/05/21 21:41:37

 
Mr Dome  Vote score: 11614Mr Dome

Crouching Tiger, hidden poo

02/05/21 20:44:43

 
Tony Edwards Vote score: 33914Tony Edwards

Crappy campers

02/05/21 20:32:39

 
Vanessa  the Guesser Vote score: 14919Vanessa the Guesser

"I wondered why all the wet Andrex puppies were stood on stools."

02/05/21 20:23:51

 
Troompa Loompa Vote score: 20723Troompa Loompa

Wader Closet

02/05/21 20:12:17

 
Al Overy Vote score: 5346Al Overy

"What do you suggest?"

"I suggest The Townswomen's Guild reduce their tea consumption!"

02/05/21 20:10:34

 
Nina Dutton Vote score: 216Nina Dutton

For f*cks sake, someone's pinched all the bog roll.

02/05/21 20:09:36

 
Ian Skelding Vote score: 24854Ian Skelding

Pour to loos.

02/05/21 20:08:51

 
Troompa Loompa Vote score: 20723Troompa Loompa

That would drive u round the u-bend.

02/05/21 20:08:27

 
Scrijjy Doo Vote score: 3572Scrijjy Doo

"Maybe I should see a doctor."

02/05/21 20:08:19

 
Neil Mackenzie Vote score: 11837Neil Mackenzie

Which one is blocked?
Try the turd one.

02/05/21 20:07:52

 
James Lennox Vote score: 8342James Lennox

"Piss."

02/05/21 20:06:45

 
Neil Mackenzie Vote score: 11837Neil Mackenzie

It never drains but it blocks.

02/05/21 20:06:26

 
Vanessa  the Guesser Vote score: 14919Vanessa the Guesser

Gulliver's always dribbled a bit on his travels.

02/05/21 20:06:13

 
Hercules  Rockefeller Vote score: 8089Hercules Rockefeller

"I'm gonna kill those Mario Brothers!"

02/05/21 20:01:54

 
SnapDragon D Vote score: 344SnapDragon D

Always hated working Octoberfest, but the Cranberry Juice Festival is worse!

02/05/21 20:01:37

 
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