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"Shit, I keep forgetting i'm gay"
09/06/19 7:27:52
On Her Majesty's Secret Cervix
05/06/19 7:38:50
"For god sake Darren, it's only a spider"
01/06/19 19:01:48
Battery operated
31/05/19 11:21:04
Chicken à la Kart
31/05/19 11:00:16
As it turned out, there was some opposition to "Boris for PM".
24/05/19 20:01:08
Wife of Pi
18/05/19 7:00:03
Fountain of youth
16/05/19 7:00:03
Foot soldier
12/05/19 7:07:18
''That's another one. Write it down in our book. How are we doing?''''So far we've spotted 23 old bastards with binoculars.''
11/05/19 11:14:58
Carpool.
08/05/19 20:31:27
The local Day Nursery 'Get your child home by drone' service was rapidly catching on.
07/05/19 19:39:23
Old. Fashioned.
04/05/19 7:14:34
Steering meal
02/05/19 11:12:14
Meals on wheels!
02/05/19 11:11:05
"To the batshave!"
01/05/19 20:04:53
Rest In Piste
30/04/19 19:00:07
They'll soon drift apart.
26/04/19 20:03:20
''Could you repeat that? I've got a head like a sieve.''
23/04/19 11:00:49
Glad it's not just me that struggles with a Toblerone.
14/04/19 11:14:01
You just can't get the staff these days
11/04/19 19:01:01
The blind leading the colourblind
10/04/19 9:38:47
"Dan, will you stop giving the baby Cocaine when he's trying to cook dinner, people will think we are bad parents"
01/04/19 11:13:25
" We are running out of time, underlay underlay Miguel!"
28/03/19 20:16:08
"Well besides having a main part in Dancing With Wolves , you also might have seen me in the U2 video for One and also I had a walk on part in..""Jeezus Harry! Why did you have to say 'your face looks familiar'."
25/03/19 12:31:52
''Just shoo it away, darling.''
25/03/19 12:13:42
''Bye, dad.''''Bison.''
25/03/19 12:00:39
"Midas! Stop playing with your food"
24/03/19 12:08:03
Scientists at CERN say it's nothing to worry about.
23/03/19 13:42:05
"Smell your wife!"
20/03/19 8:16:48
"It covers up my unsightly mole."
18/03/19 12:03:18
Santa's little yelper
09/03/19 20:00:12
Forlawn mower
09/03/19 8:00:11
"Poor father, he always had too much on his plate."
08/03/19 8:01:17
"Sorry I can't come to work, I fell asleep in the pigeon shed again."
06/03/19 20:19:30
Surreal Estate
04/03/19 12:02:51
Drag Queen
03/03/19 20:00:13
For the fashion-conscious deep sea diva
02/03/19 10:17:32
One Manhood and His Dog.
28/02/19 12:21:03
Blade Runner
26/02/19 20:52:07
He's been driving around in circles for ages.
20/02/19 12:00:19
Duck-filled fatty puss.
20/02/19 8:05:12
Mount Avarest
16/02/19 20:00:04
Man, overjoyed.Fish, gutted.
11/02/19 8:14:17
03/02/19 8:00:57
There go the laughing gas cylinders.
26/01/19 20:06:39
He just saw his wife with his bestfriend in cider
24/01/19 20:01:38
Not the best place to drink someone under the table.
23/01/19 20:01:31
Parking up the wrong tree
23/01/19 12:23:25
"Darren, when I asked you to put the TV on...."
22/01/19 20:00:08
" Am sorry I didn't mean to offend you. I honestly thought they were the light switches."
21/01/19 20:14:28
"Well, I've had Stella, Brandy, Margarita, Sherry, Shandy, Chardonnay, Tia and Maria. I s'pose I must've asked for it."
19/01/19 14:14:59
"Does my bumper look big in these?"
15/01/19 12:00:11
Cornivore
15/01/19 8:34:27
...and next on our special music tour, the studios where 'The Clash' recorded 'Should I stay or should I go?'
14/01/19 8:02:59
"Andy, can you cut me a piece of wood about 2ft long"
12/01/19 12:13:04
The hunch back of nostril dam
12/01/19 8:08:58
She looks a bit Krankie.
03/01/19 8:00:26
Pooched eggs.
01/01/19 20:00:30
Bipolar bear
01/01/19 8:00:13
He had a nagging pain in his shoulder.
31/12/18 8:01:02
Sockratease
29/12/18 12:00:04
A fishful of dollars
28/12/18 12:08:51
"Don't you know who my dad is"
24/12/18 12:00:33
🎵 A stray in a manger 🎵
24/12/18 8:00:06
I just find at this time of year my colander gets really busy
19/12/18 20:01:32
"Mr Smith, Its about your Appendix..."
17/12/18 20:01:12
FOR SALE: 1958 Plymouth Fury in Christine condition.
12/12/18 12:00:12
"It's roundish, about *this* size, probably no longer smiling..."
09/12/18 8:05:47
"I tried lifting a mini once - I got slapped across my face"
07/12/18 13:35:03
Bad hare day
06/12/18 12:26:21
Kellogg's coin flakes
29/11/18 20:07:00
"Cock-a-Doodle-Dough!"
29/11/18 20:00:07
Claw enforcement
28/11/18 12:01:09
...... and so the revolution begins
18/11/18 21:04:28
"...then you just look through the view finder...am I boring you Mary?"
15/11/18 8:12:45
"Buy our chickens at knocked down prices"
12/11/18 20:51:06
Support our heroes
11/11/18 12:13:03
"My head hertz."
09/11/18 20:06:42
Balancing the books
02/11/18 20:00:12
"...and because of melting ice caps, the Polar Bear can travel up to 150 miles a day, looking for a substantial meal. This one is on the final leg of a 2000 mile round trip to Billingsgate Fish Market.."
22/10/18 11:37:54
That's novel.
21/10/18 19:00:09
Suspicions arise after sudden disappearance of Robin.
21/10/18 8:00:42
"With this ring, I thee wed...."
17/10/18 19:00:06
Twisted Humor
13/10/18 11:58:48
No batteries required
12/10/18 7:00:11
"It's only frock and role but I like it."
09/10/18 9:42:34
Flashlight
06/10/18 11:00:08
Space Invaders
03/10/18 19:00:29
The Descent of Man.
03/10/18 12:12:44
Double Grazing.
03/10/18 6:15:06
Goes well with a coffee table.
26/09/18 15:06:30
"Just how many milkshakes do I gotta drink before I bring boys to the yard?"
19/09/18 19:50:55
They say that you're never more than six feet from a kebab.
14/09/18 19:00:24
"You spoil that bloody snake"
11/09/18 11:04:34
Parking permitted for stationery vehicles only
08/09/18 19:11:51
Policeman: "Can you identify which one touched you up, sir?"
06/09/18 15:00:23
I'm outstanding in my field.
06/09/18 7:04:39
Abandoned by a failed magician.
03/09/18 12:48:37
That's two off the bucket list in one go.
31/08/18 20:08:26
clever 
