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Mark Cowling Vote score: 3057Mark Cowling

A piano owned by the composer of the Jaws theme.

12/12/22 20:00:10

The Wolf Vote score: 21910The Wolf

“This is a visitor announcement. Due to a tragic incident earlier today at the zoo, we are no longer able to sell frisbees in the gift shop.”

08/12/22 20:00:11

Ian Skelding Vote score: 35219Ian Skelding

“Damn, it’s locked.”

07/12/22 20:00:13

Mark Wilson Vote score: 5197Mark Wilson

"I told you Mum's wheelchair was too wide"

28/11/22 8:43:30

John Harrison Vote score: 10733John Harrison

Not everyone could carry that outfit off like Dave, let alone at their mother-in-laws funeral wake

22/11/22 20:00:38

Dave Bryan Vote score: 40258Dave Bryan

''When did you first notice it was different to your right foot?''

19/11/22 8:03:52

Scrijjy Doo Vote score: 17997Scrijjy Doo

All she wanted was to have a nice picnic, AND NOW SHE'S DEAD!

01/11/22 12:03:59

Still laughing about this several months later. :) --Al Overy
John Harrison Vote score: 10733John Harrison

Party like it's 1889

26/10/22 19:00:34

Chris Keegan Vote score: 15724Chris Keegan

WARNING ⚠️ Look out for Crocs

19/10/22 7:02:42

Tony Edwards Vote score: 42618Tony Edwards

The Grim Sweeper

13/10/22 11:01:09

Crunchy Chords Vote score: 8839Crunchy Chords
Due to economic conditions,  your local community    theatre proudly present: "Cat".

03/10/22 19:00:50

Cheers, anon! :^) --Crunchy Chords
Dave Bryan Vote score: 40258Dave Bryan

Another graduate from the Theresa May School of Dancing.

24/09/22 7:01:47

James Lennox Vote score: 25860James Lennox

Some people shouldn't be allowed to raise children.

16/09/22 11:00:35

Usually, they're called parents.  --Glyn Evans
Dave Bryan Vote score: 40258Dave Bryan

''Does anyone else want to object to the wedding?''

05/09/22 19:04:56

Molly R Vote score: 5237Molly R

£50

"No, mate, I havent seen your Guinness."

11/08/22 7:00:12

Well done, Molly! You won by a whisker. Congratulations.  --Al Overy
Vanessa  the Guesser Vote score: 24950Vanessa the Guesser

I keep tripping when I wear these.

05/08/22 20:03:39

stoneface1 Vote score: 1936stoneface1

"How do you think Private Fritz will react when we fire him out the cannon?"

"I think he'll go ballistic."

16/07/22 7:01:38

Glad You Remember Vote score: 3489Glad You Remember

...IN THE NMAE OF LVOE

08/07/22 7:55:04

Haha I was literally writing the same 👏🏻 --Nigel Marshall
Stephen Bean Vote score: 52459Stephen Bean

"Took me sixty years but I finally remembered which tree I chained my bike to."

29/06/22 11:49:59

"I just hope I can remember the combination." --Willie Johnson
Craig Eddsenior Vote score: 2415Craig Eddsenior

His name is Clop. We need to clip Clop.

15/06/22 7:50:48

Troompa Loompa Vote score: 24530Troompa Loompa

"I warned you not to go on the sunbed for too long Zippy."

22/05/22 19:10:33

Mr Dome  Vote score: 20098Mr Dome

🎵 He's got a cricket to ride

10/05/22 11:18:59

James Lennox Vote score: 25860James Lennox

"Perfect, my last batch was a little on the dark side."

29/03/22 19:28:20

Dave E Vote score: 1009Dave E

“Ladies and Gentlemen, this is your captain speaking. We are no longer cruising at 30,000 feet … but, on the plus side, the stewardess has opened the buffet.”

24/02/22 20:04:49

stoneface1 Vote score: 1936stoneface1

"Hi dad! Mum's been cooking again."

16/02/22 20:32:37

C CaMel Vote score: 19599C CaMel

“If he could see how loved his work is now Vincent would be grinning from ear to bandage.”

20/01/22 20:55:13

C CaMel Vote score: 19599C CaMel

“Have you had a haircut that wasn’t your fault?”

04/01/22 12:00:49

Dave Bryan Vote score: 40258Dave Bryan

''Why can't we go any faster, dad?''

''There's probably a woman ahead holding up the traffic.''

03/01/22 8:21:01

The Wolf Vote score: 21910The Wolf

It's always good to keep your distance from a potential carrier.

28/11/21 20:00:14

Well done The Wolf - great caption --Mr Dome
John Llamas Vote score: 20904John Llamas

That was a good idea baiting the traps with Haribo

26/11/21 8:01:45

Dave Bryan Vote score: 40258Dave Bryan

''On reflection, thirty quid does seem a bit cheap for a luxury spa weekend.''

18/11/21 8:02:43

Karen Oakenfull Vote score: 3954Karen Oakenfull

Archeologists reveal why very few escaped from the Pompeii disaster.

15/11/21 8:48:18

Stephen Bean Vote score: 52459Stephen Bean

Coming of age

17/10/21 19:44:34

Michael Winner Vote score: 25610Michael Winner

This could spell disaster.

03/10/21 19:33:32

Al Overy Vote score: 22013Al Overy

"Welcome to your electric shock aversion therapy session, Anon. So, everytime you say something pedantic or unnecessary, I'll apply a high voltage to..."

"Actually, you'll find it's not the voltage that's dangerous but the currAAAAAAAAGH!"

02/09/21 12:33:38

Haha, to avoid that, all you have to do is use your own name like meAAAAAAAAGH! --Willie Johnson
Crunchy Chords Vote score: 8839Crunchy Chords

"I feel like people treat me differently because of the colour of my skin."

27/08/21 19:08:39

Stephen Bean Vote score: 52459Stephen Bean

...and escorted off the premises.

20/07/21 11:28:58

Mark England Vote score: 24078Mark England

"Gotcha. Caught red-handed. Have you anything to say?"

"Miaow"

28/06/21 11:39:48

Vanessa  the Guesser Vote score: 24950Vanessa the Guesser

The photographer was slammed for airbrushing the basketballs from this picture.

15/06/21 7:48:11

stone face Vote score: 10117stone face

"Your wife asked me to bring the baby in to see you.
And she wanted to know, how your ingrowing toenail was doing?"

18/05/21 7:04:39

Dave Bryan Vote score: 40258Dave Bryan

''She's going to need plastic surgery.''

17/05/21 19:00:15

The Wolf Vote score: 21910The Wolf

"And this is your loft access"

Terry wasn't your stereotypical estate agent.

22/04/21 19:00:14

The Wolf Vote score: 21910The Wolf

"The finish line please driver. I just can't be arsed today."

19/04/21 11:06:37

Can't be horsed today. --Willie Johnson
Mark England Vote score: 24078Mark England

The relationship ended when Gladys pulled a Mussel

13/04/21 19:45:32

James Lennox Vote score: 25860James Lennox

"I'm sorry luv, but Noah said I'm only allowed to bring one, and Nancy's got better tits."

06/04/21 11:26:41

"Yes, but I don't think Nancy is the right monkey for you on this trip, Joan," said Percy. :^) --Crunchy Chords
Al Overy Vote score: 22013Al Overy

"Now, if you'll all sit quietly, I'll explain which bone is connected to which without making a song and dance about it."

03/04/21 11:25:31

But sure make have you the order right. --Willie Johnson
Mark Wilson Vote score: 5197Mark Wilson

Excellent, I give this product 5 star rating - Susan from Bristol

Q... Has your bottom got softer,looks or feels better due to the Enriched Vitamin E - Dave from London

A... What a great question Dave, I honestly think it has - Susan from Bristol

Q... Got any photo's? - Dave from London

A... *uck off you pervert - Susan from Bristol

20/03/21 9:41:32

Dave Bryan Vote score: 40258Dave Bryan

Sadly, Daisy is still trying to find a byre for her paintings.

19/02/21 12:13:20

Al Overy Vote score: 22013Al Overy

£50

Tonight on Panorama: Is there too much oestrogen in our water? We speak to three men in their thirties about their experiences.

17/02/21 8:01:22

I refuse to recognise this as the winning caption. I was getting ready to celebrate this one as the true winner - https://www.caption.me/579204Join me at the "Stop the Steal" rally followed by a march to the Caption Building alongsid... --Troompa Loompa
Endeavour 2 Persevere Vote score: 123Endeavour 2 Persevere

The Elephant in the Womb.

10/02/21 20:50:26

Al Overy Vote score: 22013Al Overy

"You spoil that moth!"

13/11/20 8:00:37

It's the least we can do... he knows what's behind your closet door... we've robbed him of his progeny. --Mauris Iocus
Fozzgog B. Vote score: 534Fozzgog B.

It was all going well until she suggested taking things upstairs

09/11/20 21:25:43

Chris Keegan Vote score: 15724Chris Keegan

Dave landed 137 fish this morning, simply by pulling the plug out.

29/10/20 12:01:38

stone face Vote score: 10117stone face

The cast of Jason And The Argonauts, wait in trepidation as the Oscar for 'The Best Skeleton In An Action Movie' is revealed.

18/10/20 11:56:41

Lol...don’t seem to be able to cast a supervote so writing lol here instead.  --Ellen Duncalf
Dan Nicholls Vote score: 19924Dan Nicholls

Two meeters

24/09/20 20:51:37

James Lennox Vote score: 25860James Lennox

Harold always believed the son shone out of his arse.

27/08/20 7:00:40

Tony Edwards Vote score: 42618Tony Edwards

Condiments to the chef.

23/08/20 19:00:38

Al Overy Vote score: 22013Al Overy

"For goodness sake, Ted! I told you not to lie on the dog blanket with suncream on!"

14/08/20 7:00:18

Vivvy En Vote score: 16784Vivvy En

"See THAT...? THAT is how you do a French manicure."

11/08/20 11:32:31

Rachel P Vote score: 2304Rachel P

"I love the smell of my palm in the morning"

11/08/20 11:21:31

Troompa Loompa Vote score: 24530Troompa Loompa

Worker having a drink on his lunch break before he has to get back to the plant.

16/07/20 20:08:28

Dave Bryan Vote score: 40258Dave Bryan

New 'Ice Age' movie ruined by product placement say critics.

16/07/20 7:33:51

Mark England Vote score: 24078Mark England

"Come on you two. Smoke break is over. Those chimneys ain't gonna clean themselves"

08/07/20 7:25:57

Vivvy En Vote score: 16784Vivvy En

Purrverts

07/07/20 11:06:54

Dave Bryan Vote score: 40258Dave Bryan

''He didn't suffer. He fried in his sleep.''

30/06/20 19:00:38

Vanessa  the Guesser Vote score: 24950Vanessa the Guesser

Pay As You Go

27/06/20 11:04:09

Phone Bogx --Flo .
Ian Skelding Vote score: 35219Ian Skelding

Sue didn't look right.

16/06/20 19:07:13

I think she sees a cat. --Willie Johnson
Dan Nicholls Vote score: 19924Dan Nicholls

Dave had been isolating from his parents for 3 months. Now he is off home with all his washing...

01/06/20 11:14:32

Tony Edwards Vote score: 42618Tony Edwards

He's a member of the crash team.

19/05/20 20:01:31

Dr Divid Bomber. --Woofer 6
Tony Edwards Vote score: 42618Tony Edwards

Hospital disorderly

19/05/20 19:38:58

Mr Dome  Vote score: 20098Mr Dome

Yes honey I still have the twins

14/05/20 11:20:01

I hsdn't realised that it was a photograph of David Cameron. --Barrie Bullock
Vanessa  the Guesser Vote score: 24950Vanessa the Guesser

I don't know about buses but 3 old men came at once.

10/05/20 11:09:22

Mark England Vote score: 24078Mark England

Air Raid Sirens

05/05/20 19:11:08

Stephen Bean Vote score: 52459Stephen Bean

"Not today love, I've got a monumental headache."

21/04/20 7:01:37

Karyn Harrison Vote score: 13863Karyn Harrison

Local fancy dress shop donates costumes to the homeless.

15/04/20 12:23:47

C CaMel Vote score: 19599C CaMel

"Guys I've got this brilliant idea, it's called The Dead Michael Palin Sketch."

14/04/20 7:51:39

At least it's being appreciated now, Anon. Always look on the bright side of life. --Dave Bryan
Stephen Bean Vote score: 52459Stephen Bean

Jest in peace

07/04/20 11:12:18

Stephen Bean Vote score: 52459Stephen Bean

"I only coughed once."

05/04/20 7:25:13

"Hey guys, 6 feet!" --Scrijjy Doo
Karen Oakenfull Vote score: 3954Karen Oakenfull

Storm Ciara wreaks havoc across the UK:
"I was lucky, a trampoline missed me by an inch and the bloke over the road is wearing a shed."

13/02/20 12:29:29

James Lennox Vote score: 25860James Lennox

If dodos had been better jugglers they wouldn't be extinct.

08/02/20 12:00:17

Stephen Bean Vote score: 52459Stephen Bean

The whirled is your oyster

01/01/20 8:09:43

Stu Dent Vote score: 5751Stu Dent

In a Ford Galaxy far far away

19/12/19 12:15:54

A Big nod to 12.00.14 I did not see it when I posted --Stu Dent
Rachel P Vote score: 2304Rachel P

£50

New flavour for Quality Street kept under armed guard

10/12/19 9:22:30

Congratulations Rachel. Is that a new flavor for Tubby Tustard by any chance. --Willie Johnson
Dave Bryan Vote score: 40258Dave Bryan

''I look down on him because I am a Waitrose pumpkin.''

''I look up to him because he is a Waitrose pumpkin but I look down on him because he is an Aldi pumpkin. I am a Tesco pumpkin.''

''I know my place.''

18/11/19 9:06:02

Very clever! --Karyn Harrison
stone face Vote score: 10117stone face

"How did we end up here! I told you not to take the last rite."

11/10/19 7:05:18

John  Glover Vote score: 23223John Glover

"I've just come to warn you that Abbot Twa is not a monk whose coming to bless you all."

20/08/19 11:13:45

Dave Bryan Vote score: 40258Dave Bryan

Gay pride

19/08/19 7:00:09

Stephen Bean Vote score: 52459Stephen Bean

Mythical beast world championship result:
Smaug 0 Medusa 1

02/07/19 11:00:14

Lol --sandeep chahal
Hercules  Rockefeller Vote score: 16351Hercules Rockefeller

"I knew I shouldn't have come in here after the Hulk."

01/07/19 11:03:05

Generic RedHead Vote score: 1074Generic RedHead

"Our next song, 'Stairlift to Heaven'"

10/06/19 3:15:35

James Lennox Vote score: 25860James Lennox

All Day Breakfast

21/05/19 11:00:27

The Wolf Vote score: 21910The Wolf

I met her on match.com

18/05/19 11:00:06

She lit up my life. --James Lennox
Dot Old Vote score: 3178Dot Old

Mrs Midas

09/05/19 7:00:48

Welsh Rarebit Vote score: 38816Welsh Rarebit

"I'll post this on Faithbook..."

07/05/19 11:00:04

So Jesus spoke with a lithp? --Karyn Harrison
Dan Nicholls Vote score: 19924Dan Nicholls

Gillette, the best a ma'am can get.

04/05/19 21:07:05

Vanessa  the Guesser Vote score: 24950Vanessa the Guesser

Some of us still love a hairy Regina.

04/05/19 19:15:39

Vanessa  the Guesser Vote score: 24950Vanessa the Guesser

How lavish!

24/04/19 19:00:24

Stephen Bean Vote score: 52459Stephen Bean

Tom and Jerry

18/03/19 8:00:04

Mr Dome  Vote score: 20098Mr Dome

Forgive me father for I have strimmed

09/03/19 8:04:07

James Lennox Vote score: 25860James Lennox

It was a beautiful wedding, but the honeymoon in France didn't end well.

01/03/19 20:13:39

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