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show this month's prize shortlist

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captions

Troompa Loompa

£50
WINNER

clever

For when you need to answer the call of nature.

27/06/20 12:00:12

Many thanks everyone for your kind words and apologies to Rachel P and the others I sneaked ahead of at the last minute. 😊 --Troompa Loompa

Paul Woolley

lol x2

"...and all those in favour of reducing the tax on lettuce?"

29/04/20 20:23:09

The Wolf

lol x2

Lucy went to extreme lengths to protect herself from the Coronavirus. Unfortunately, she'd forgotten that opening an umbrella indoors was unlucky and she was run over by a bus on the way home.

28/03/20 20:10:40

Dave Bryan

lol

''How are you going to cure me?''

''Just Like That!''

26/02/20 12:03:06

I had a teacher who used to set his alarm for 3am so he could get up and have a ciggy... --James Lennox

James Lennox

Javelins should only be thrown outdoors.

03/02/20 12:00:41

The good news is she was standing just past the world record distance. --Willie Johnson

Vanessa the Guesser

lol

This lamb's a bit tough.

19/01/20 13:30:10

Karyn Harrison

lol

Looks like Mike's got rid of his old satellite dish and gone digital!

26/08/19 20:01:47

10/07/19 20:00:10

There you go love now let mommy have a piss in peace

02/07/19 8:40:47

Troompa Loompa

Unfortunately the family were separated when Tom was posted overseas.

30/06/19 20:30:03

Troompa Loompa

£50
WINNER

lol

"Thanks for the prize, now open the till and put all the cash into this bag."

28/06/19 8:31:55

Thanks for all you kind words everyone.Thanks for the prize Chris, now open the drawer and put all the guns into this bag. :D --Troompa Loompa

Trace Sarge

Four Funerals and a Wedding

20/06/19 12:07:27

The Wolf

clever

“I’m sorry for yawning but I find your company really boring”

12/06/19 12:25:47

The Wolf

clever

Filming has begun for the highly anticipated new period drama

05/06/19 8:10:30

12/05/19 9:36:14

05/05/19 8:00:39

When I suddenly saw this in the road I had to break fast.

05/03/19 8:00:15

Chris Keegan

creative

clever

"I'll have the table cloth please"

10/02/19 9:57:28

This was a tough pic. Well done. --James Lennox

Spycenwolf

lol

clever x2

He suddenly understood the gravity of the situation.

24/01/19 20:12:55

And after he'd eaten him he became one of Newton's Cores. --Karyn Harrison

22/01/19 8:00:08

''Don't worry, his Bach is worse than his bite.''

17/12/18 8:00:36

Chris Keegan

clever

No wonder it's tired, it came in at twenty to one.

16/12/18 12:00:20

I find it odd. --Scrappy Doo

Dave Bryan

£50
WINNER

''If you buy ten packs, we'll throw in the towel.''

08/11/18 20:16:31

Many thanks for the kind comments. Looking at the quality of the previous winners, I'm delighted to now be one of them.The dosh will also come in useful. Next time my wife says ''Are you wasting your time doing those stupid captions again... --Dave Bryan

Mark England

lol

creative x2

Police arrange an identity parade for a woman who claims that she was being watched through a keyhole of a swimming pool changing room

22/10/18 20:44:22

Charles Gleason

"Let's go home Mary. Ten years camping out here and still no sign of the monster."

26/09/18 8:10:46

Charles Gleason

The Lion Cling.

15/09/18 8:02:14

I hadn't thought of that.It Disney really matter to me.Thanks for the input. --Charles Gleason

Tony Edwards

clever

Forrest Dump

02/09/18 8:22:17

Definitely not a case of the runs, Forrest, runs. --Glad You Remember

26/08/18 20:00:24

" I told you before we got on the plane, to just give him the fuckin bread."

05/08/18 9:40:54

23/07/18 12:45:34

It's a sign of desperation

06/06/18 8:09:42

12/05/18 20:00:07

15/04/18 20:04:11

"Shit, I've left all my groceries at the school gate."

01/03/18 12:46:32

Pete

£50
WINNER

lol

"Don't move, love...the reception is perfect now."

16/12/17 14:52:25

Congratulations Pete! I love your quirky sense of humour. :) --Pussy Galore

Stephen Paterson

Brian was incredibly nervous about his upcoming appearance on Mastermind.

30/09/17 12:15:44

It brings a new meaning to the phrase "I've started so I'll finish"! --Paul Woolley

C CaMel

£50
WINNER

"Attention, this vehicle is versing!"

22/09/17 20:24:42

Hi All, totally chuffed to be picked! Thank you to Chris for a brilliant site and to all fellow captioneers for the hilarious captions which keep me coming back for more! --C CaMel

Mark England

It's situated in a close knit community

15/02/17 20:06:24

Michael Winner

lol

clever

Before the invention of video games, we had to play the analogue version of Space Invaders.

18/01/17 13:36:29

C CaMel

'I'll have the salad, I've been eating shit lately'

22/10/16 20:04:29

lol man --sandeep chahal

Tosser Wivlov

lol x2

I think she's about to toe it away.

09/04/16 12:33:31

Very funny. --Pete

Tracy Davidson

lol x3

"For the last time, will you stop playing those bloody drums!"

31/03/16 15:07:53

Cath Jones

Captioneer in Cumbria is determined not to miss the 12 o'clock photo.

08/12/15 12:00:59

12/09/15 9:01:42

11/09/15 20:00:09

It's a fantastic caption. I'm just unhappy that I didn't think of it (self-flagellation with a thorny branch now begins..) --AXE

26/08/15 20:11:16

"Why can't we be smuggled into Britain just like the others, in the back of a truck?"

28/07/15 21:46:14

Tony Edwards

Grasper Carrot

27/07/15 8:01:25

Dan Nicholls

Can't come out tonight I'm washing my hare.

26/07/15 8:00:23

Zac Kramer

lol

Just what I need to play my Hip-Op records

16/07/15 12:00:35

Michael Winner

creative x2

clever

They have taken the holy vowels.

09/03/15 12:01:50

Ian Searle

lol

" AND I'M TELLIN' YOU... GRADED GRAINS MAKE FINER FLOUR!!!!!"

26/02/15 8:54:38

29/10/14 9:04:37

Moon River by Henry Mankini

23/10/14 9:02:51

Boycie

lol

clever

# Our kestrel manoevered in the park.

22/09/14 8:30:08

AXE

"I took de wheel off 'cause de brakes were Jamming, were Jamming..."

17/09/14 20:03:59

Ian Mclaren

lol x2

All those who want to learn how to swim put your hands up.

17/08/14 20:04:37

Ron Allan

lol x2

creative

Yes, it really took it's toll on his legs, but Warwick found his passenger numbers increased twenty fold when he attached the larger sidecar.

10/08/14 9:19:28

died laughing --sandeep chahal

Cath Jones

creative x2

♫ "I'm a little teapot, short and kraut..."

05/08/14 20:00:06

20/06/14 13:02:51

06/05/14 20:24:46

"Hello, Abbey Taxis? I saw your advert and I'd like to apply for the job…"

02/05/14 8:00:07

Ian Skelding

creative

2B or not 2B

20/02/14 12:00:13

In 3D --John Glover

Mr Blonde

creative

New Star Wars film criticised for containing excessive violins.

19/09/13 12:40:39

Dan Dan

lol

"Dad, why does that balloon in your wallet taste like Strawberries?"

25/08/13 8:00:10

Gordon Bannerman

lol x3

"Yeah, when we filmed Animal Hospital that Rolf character touched me here ... and other places"

08/08/13 21:15:56

August's caption of the month, posted to the official caption.me Facebook page. Congrats! --Chris Beach

Glyn Evans

creative

"The milky bras are on me."

05/07/13 12:05:39

Tosser Wivlov

lol

creative

....place casserole in oven, stand on top shelf.

02/05/13 10:03:09

Helen Llamas

Dentistree.

05/04/13 8:10:10

:o can't believe i opted against using this one :( --Ross Davidson

Ian Mclaren

creative x3

Ani-mating.

20/03/13 13:19:15

"see 12:13:43 and 12:47:38" Aw c'mon, thats very nit picky? ani-mating is a play on shagging, the other two don't make the 'mate' part of animate meaning anything other than it's original meaning. --Spud Gunn

F Mackay

Queue Gardens.

08/02/13 20:09:45

@anon, you might want to consider putting in 'Designed by Parkability Brown' as a caption :) --Michael Winner

F Mackay

lol

creative x2

“That looks perfect Neil. We’ll come back tonight and film it with the spacesuit on.”

20/01/13 20:35:06

Cath Jones

lol x3

Even at her age, Emily has no problem with her Joints.

11/01/13 20:00:08

Cath Jones

lol

creative

It is often found in Fairies Rings.

05/01/13 12:00:40

F Mackay

"This house is possessed by the Breville."

10/11/12 8:34:41

crm

.....but you didn't turn up til 9!"

27/10/12 12:02:23

Pete

Investigators were fairly confident that they had found the John Denver crash site.

27/09/12 20:00:27

Tony Busby

Soaprano

17/09/12 20:02:08

Ken Stapleton

He still hasn't stirred

15/09/12 8:23:55

Neil Mackenzie

Are you a member of the AA Sir.
Yes but I missed my session today.

10/07/12 20:08:08

Ken Stapleton

"Glove is in the air"

24/06/12 11:16:50

Joe T

For the love of God Victoria, please eat something.

08/06/12 20:06:33

Rob Falconer

For the furnishings, we went to BIKEA

05/05/12 20:03:09

Suzanne Brooks

Dave never liked fast food.

16/04/12 11:00:46

Pablo Cabello

£50
WINNER

Lust in Translation.

27/01/12 11:22:25

Lee Hauxwell

£50
WINNER

The first passenger flight of Derry Air

15/08/11 11:12:49

James Lennox

creative

clever

The cheap seats at the opera are OK. Just make sure you duck when they turn the spotlights on.

31/07/20 8:09:57

Rachel P

clever

The oX Files

04/06/20 20:11:10

The truth is snout hair. :^) --Crunchy Chords

Dave Bryan

lol

''This is a station announcement for all those passengers wishing to commit suicide: The train due to be arriving on platform 1 will now be arriving on Platform 2.''

27/05/20 21:12:30

Looks like there'll be no departures today. --Karyn Harrison

Mark England

Due to a bagpipe shortage, Luton's 'Scottish Exile Pipe Band' had to improvise

22/05/20 12:12:57

But it was a bit of a Wee Crankie idea. --Woofer 6

Dave Bryan

''I'm absolutely worn out, prowling round Essex all night trying to find a virgin.''

01/05/20 12:13:13

Mr Dome

lol

Hello madam. Allow me to push your stool in

04/04/20 9:41:59

The Wolf

lol

“So, I’m just chilling in the garden, minding my own business and having a bit of a snooze, and then it happened. F*cking lawnmower. I know he’s bored but the quicker that bastard goes back to work the better”

03/04/20 12:00:39

The Wolf

creative x2

Being a first responder to a car accident on the Simpsons was a sobering experience…

02/04/20 12:00:09

Looks like he's covered in Marge. --Karyn Harrison

Stu Dent

clever

Message in a Brothel

29/01/20 20:18:23

A sting operation resulted in a successful police raid. --Dave Bryan

01/12/19 20:00:06

£50
WINNER

25/11/19 8:00:08

Thanks everyone for the comments and votes. November has been a very lucky month, winning 5 times on the lottery (grand total of £67.60!) and now on caption.me! --Welsh Rarebit

16/09/19 20:00:05

£50
WINNER

"Why are you upset...? I said 'I'd give you a ring from Cartier'."

03/09/19 13:31:20

Thanks to everyone for your kind comments and votes. I am reeling from the shock! To be in the captioners gallery is an accolade I truly never expected. I am honoured. A big thank you goes to Chris for providing this platform for us lovers of word... --Vivvy En

stone face

lol

creative

"Must definitely go to Specsavers tomorrow." Joanne said to herself. As she wondered why the train was taking so long to leave the station.

31/08/19 8:14:50

Dave Bryan

Early gurning centre

14/08/19 8:02:06

Troompa Loompa

Stop Luke and listen.

10/08/19 20:35:10

08/08/19 20:44:45

I wouldn't put my arson that.

16/07/19 12:04:15

Mark England

"Good afternoon. Today, we are in Delhi, for the semi finals of the Extreme Jenga Championship.."

30/06/19 12:05:59

28/06/19 8:21:50

20/06/19 20:01:49

12/05/19 20:21:22

03/05/19 8:00:09

24/04/19 12:51:55

Stewards enquiry after tortoise lodges an official complaint

19/04/19 12:00:37

Glyn Evans

clever

The tortoise and the hair.

24/02/19 12:28:25

Chris Keegan

"Borrow the car? Oh Philip, you do make one laugh sometimes"

16/02/19 12:00:07

09/02/19 8:08:34

08/12/18 8:59:38

Fancy going for a spin?

06/12/18 20:00:46

Tina Flowers

clever x3

'I'm the bus in-spectre'.

31/10/18 20:17:56

Karyn Harrison

Drum kit

21/10/18 12:00:14

Charles Gleason

"Have you any idea how many people have been looking for you ?"

10/09/18 8:01:18

13/08/18 12:00:24

£50
WINNER

18/07/18 0:32:15

Woof! Wasn't expecting that. Nice one Folks! --Stephen Paterson

28/06/18 8:15:55

21/06/18 20:33:04

17/06/18 9:35:49

16/06/18 20:02:37

The Invisible Man gets a right good kicking.

12/06/18 20:00:13

Vivvy En

clever x4

Dave, a budding photographer, really hoped the bird would fly off so he could take a better shot

11/06/18 20:39:08

Took me a while, just twigged it.Great caption. --John Glover

C CaMel

clever

"I can hardly walk in these eels!"

01/06/18 8:09:09

Ian Skelding

"Bloody hell Jim, now you put the toilet seat down."

05/11/17 12:01:38

Welsh Rarebit

clever x2

Slumdog pillion heirs

22/08/17 20:04:13

Ian Skelding

"He needs a clip around the ears."

16/02/17 20:01:30

Curiously, our local barber shop is actually called a Clip Around The Ears. --Pussy Galore

John Glover

clever x3

"Yes, I am an architect, but I compile crossword puzzles on the side."

06/02/17 12:18:16

Pussy Galore

clever

How many times do I have to tell the kids not to accept lifts from strangers?

15/01/17 12:03:17

Thanks for the votes everyone, this is my highest-scoring caption to date. :) --Pussy Galore

Tony Edwards

clever x4

Best Man's Friend

05/12/16 20:12:16

Great caption Tony --Andrea Hickling

Glyn Evans

clever x2

"I don't know how I got burnt, I've had my sun screen on all day."

11/11/16 20:08:44

hahaha, took me some time.'sun screen' --sandeep chahal

Tony Edwards

lol x2

"That reminds me, we must get the voltage adjusted on that electric fence."

17/10/16 20:31:44

Come fry with me... --Pussy Galore

Smuldo

clever x3

Igor's hopes of a medal were now in Limbo.

18/08/16 20:09:46

The impressive collection from Arkwright's till.

29/06/16 15:13:21

Mark England

"All I did was order a pint of cider"

02/04/16 20:05:57

Ron Allan

creative

clever

It's obviously not ground coffee

05/02/16 16:31:02

The down votes showing here appear to be the result of a bug I introduced with my recent changes to the voting code. I'll look into this ASAP. --Chris Beach

John Glover

lol x2

"Shit, so what did we have put down?"

25/01/16 21:58:26

Ian Skelding

lol

"Sonja, for chrissakes, pull the cord."

25/01/16 8:04:44

Without your brilliant buildup, this caption would have fallen flat. (No pun intended.) Nice job!!! --Greg Curtis

Zac Kramer

Sworded affair

23/11/15 20:07:37

John Llamas

"I reared him myself."

14/10/15 20:10:32

12/10/15 16:30:15

Honey, have you checked on the twins?

06/10/15 9:41:27

John Llamas

lol

creative

We didn't always have hair dryers

23/09/15 12:15:06

Michael Winner

lol x2

creative

Eventually they tried other projectiles, but by then the name had stuck: 'catapult'.

20/07/15 8:04:20

02/02/15 8:11:39

"Paul, you're going out with me now - why does your X have to go everywhere with us?"

09/12/14 20:10:51

Maybe it's a sign of things to come --Ben Samuel

20/11/14 8:00:08

Deers looking at you kid.

21/10/14 12:53:38

Keep looking back at your caption. I love the captions that make me think "SO-OBVIOUS-but-I-never-would-have-thought-of-that-in-a-million-years." .....Nice job! --Greg Curtis

Zac Kramer