captions

"Young man, about these airbags you fitted for me..."

13/07/12 19:00:06

Ethelia Fotherington-Smythe

Stool pigeon

02/07/12 19:00:17

Pete

"Does it come Whitbread?"

25/06/12 19:00:36

Mr. Toad

�I best be off- the wife�ll be having kittens.�

28/10/11 19:02:31

Grant Amey

£50
WINNER

Andrex puppies just don't make good police dogs

30/09/11 10:29:19

"JANET, JUST LEAVE IT, WE'LL BUY ANOTHER LILO"

23/11/20 20:01:37

Stephen Bean

"You're doing well on your first shift kid. Hold your arms a bit wider, this next one's really big."

01/11/20 8:03:12

''Let me come with you, Johnny. Don't leave me here alone. I won't be a nuisance. Please, I'm begging you. Listen to me, I'll die if you go.''

''For Christ's sake, Martha, I'm only putting the bins out.''

16/08/20 19:49:00

"I can't believe you're doing this to me. This is supposed to be the happiest day of my life"

"Sorry babe but you know Thursday is mud wrestling day for me and Dave. I'll be back in time for the first dance"

23/07/20 11:24:05

01/07/20 19:00:20

£50
WINNER

For when you need to answer the call of nature.

27/06/20 11:00:12

Many thanks everyone for your kind words and apologies to Rachel P and the others I sneaked ahead of at the last minute. 😊 --Troompa Loompa

Paul Woolley

"...and all those in favour of reducing the tax on lettuce?"

29/04/20 19:23:09

Lucy went to extreme lengths to protect herself from the Coronavirus. Unfortunately, she'd forgotten that opening an umbrella indoors was unlucky and she was run over by a bus on the way home.

28/03/20 20:10:40

''How are you going to cure me?''

''Just Like That!''

26/02/20 12:03:06

I had a teacher who used to set his alarm for 3am so he could get up and have a ciggy... --James Lennox

James Lennox

Javelins should only be thrown outdoors.

03/02/20 12:00:41

The good news is she was standing just past the world record distance. --Willie Johnson

Vanessa the Guesser

This lamb's a bit tough.

19/01/20 13:30:10

Karyn Harrison

Looks like Mike's got rid of his old satellite dish and gone digital!

26/08/19 19:01:47

10/07/19 19:00:10

There you go love now let mommy have a piss in peace

02/07/19 7:40:47

Troompa Loompa

Unfortunately the family were separated when Tom was posted overseas.

30/06/19 19:30:03

Troompa Loompa

£50
WINNER

"Thanks for the prize, now open the till and put all the cash into this bag."

28/06/19 7:31:55

Thanks for all you kind words everyone.Thanks for the prize Chris, now open the drawer and put all the guns into this bag. :D --Troompa Loompa

Trace Sarge

Four Funerals and a Wedding

20/06/19 11:07:27

“I’m sorry for yawning but I find your company really boring”

12/06/19 11:25:47

Filming has begun for the highly anticipated new period drama

05/06/19 7:10:30

12/05/19 8:36:14

05/05/19 7:00:39

When I suddenly saw this in the road I had to break fast.

05/03/19 8:00:15

Chris Keegan

"I'll have the table cloth please"

10/02/19 9:57:28

This was a tough pic. Well done. --James Lennox

Spycenwolf

He suddenly understood the gravity of the situation.

clever x2

24/01/19 20:12:55

And after he'd eaten him he became one of Newton's Cores. --Karyn Harrison

22/01/19 8:00:08

''Don't worry, his Bach is worse than his bite.''

17/12/18 8:00:36

Chris Keegan

No wonder it's tired, it came in at twenty to one.

16/12/18 12:00:20

I find it odd. --Scrappy Doo

''If you buy ten packs, we'll throw in the towel.''

£50
WINNER

08/11/18 20:16:31

Many thanks for the kind comments. Looking at the quality of the previous winners, I'm delighted to now be one of them.The dosh will also come in useful. Next time my wife says ''Are you wasting your time doing those stupid captions again... --Dave Bryan

Police arrange an identity parade for a woman who claims that she was being watched through a keyhole of a swimming pool changing room

22/10/18 19:44:22

Charles Gleason

"Let's go home Mary. Ten years camping out here and still no sign of the monster."

26/09/18 7:10:46

Charles Gleason

The Lion Cling.

15/09/18 7:02:14

I hadn't thought of that.It Disney really matter to me.Thanks for the input. --Charles Gleason

" I told you before we got on the plane, to just give him the fuckin bread."

Forrest Dump

02/09/18 7:22:17

Definitely not a case of the runs, Forrest, runs. --Glad You Remember

26/08/18 19:00:24

05/08/18 8:40:54

23/07/18 11:45:34

It's a sign of desperation

06/06/18 7:09:42

12/05/18 19:00:07

15/04/18 19:04:11

"Shit, I've left all my groceries at the school gate."

01/03/18 12:46:32

Pete

£50
WINNER

"Don't move, love...the reception is perfect now."

16/12/17 14:52:25

Congratulations Pete! I love your quirky sense of humour. :) --Pussy Galore

Stephen Paterson

Brian was incredibly nervous about his upcoming appearance on Mastermind.

30/09/17 11:15:44

It brings a new meaning to the phrase "I've started so I'll finish"! --Paul Woolley

"Attention, this vehicle is versing!"

£50
WINNER

22/09/17 19:24:42

Hi All, totally chuffed to be picked! Thank you to Chris for a brilliant site and to all fellow captioneers for the hilarious captions which keep me coming back for more! --C CaMel

It's situated in a close knit community

15/02/17 20:06:24

Before the invention of video games, we had to play the analogue version of Space Invaders.

18/01/17 13:36:29

'I'll have the salad, I've been eating shit lately'

22/10/16 19:04:29

lol man --sandeep chahal

Tosser Wivlov

I think she's about to toe it away.

09/04/16 11:33:31

Very funny. --Pete

Tracy Davidson

lol x3

"For the last time, will you stop playing those bloody drums!"

31/03/16 14:07:53

Captioneer in Cumbria is determined not to miss the 12 o'clock photo.

08/12/15 12:00:59

12/09/15 8:01:42

11/09/15 19:00:09

It's a fantastic caption. I'm just unhappy that I didn't think of it (self-flagellation with a thorny branch now begins..) --AXE

26/08/15 19:11:16

"Why can't we be smuggled into Britain just like the others, in the back of a truck?"

28/07/15 20:46:14

Can't come out tonight I'm washing my hare.

Grasper Carrot

27/07/15 7:01:25

Dan Nicholls

26/07/15 7:00:23

Zac Kramer

Just what I need to play my Hip-Op records

16/07/15 11:00:35

They have taken the holy vowels.

09/03/15 12:01:50

Ian Searle

" AND I'M TELLIN' YOU... GRADED GRAINS MAKE FINER FLOUR!!!!!"

26/02/15 8:54:38

29/10/14 9:04:37

Moon River by Henry Mankini

23/10/14 8:02:51

Boycie

# Our kestrel manoevered in the park.

22/09/14 7:30:08

AXE

"I took de wheel off 'cause de brakes were Jamming, were Jamming..."

17/09/14 19:03:59

Ian Mclaren

All those who want to learn how to swim put your hands up.

17/08/14 19:04:37

Ron Allan

Yes, it really took it's toll on his legs, but Warwick found his passenger numbers increased twenty fold when he attached the larger sidecar.

10/08/14 8:19:28

died laughing --sandeep chahal

♫ "I'm a little teapot, short and kraut..."

05/08/14 19:00:06

20/06/14 12:02:51

06/05/14 19:24:46

"Hello, Abbey Taxis? I saw your advert and I'd like to apply for the job…"

02/05/14 7:00:07

2B or not 2B

20/02/14 12:00:13

In 3D --John Glover

Mr Blonde

New Star Wars film criticised for containing excessive violins.

19/09/13 11:40:39

Dan Dan

"Dad, why does that balloon in your wallet taste like Strawberries?"

25/08/13 7:00:10

Gordon Bannerman

lol x3

"Yeah, when we filmed Animal Hospital that Rolf character touched me here ... and other places"

08/08/13 20:15:56

August's caption of the month, posted to the official caption.me Facebook page. Congrats! --Chris Beach

Glyn Evans

"The milky bras are on me."

05/07/13 11:05:39

Tosser Wivlov

....place casserole in oven, stand on top shelf.

02/05/13 9:03:09

Helen Llamas

Dentistree.

05/04/13 7:10:10

:o can't believe i opted against using this one :( --Ross Davidson

Ian Mclaren

creative x3

Ani-mating.

20/03/13 13:19:15

"see 12:13:43 and 12:47:38" Aw c'mon, thats very nit picky? ani-mating is a play on shagging, the other two don't make the 'mate' part of animate meaning anything other than it's original meaning. --Spud Gunn

F Mackay

Queue Gardens.

08/02/13 20:09:45

@anon, you might want to consider putting in 'Designed by Parkability Brown' as a caption :) --Michael Winner

F Mackay

“That looks perfect Neil. We’ll come back tonight and film it with the spacesuit on.”

20/01/13 20:35:06

Even at her age, Emily has no problem with her Joints.

lol x3

11/01/13 20:00:08

It is often found in Fairies Rings.

05/01/13 12:00:40

F Mackay

"This house is possessed by the Breville."

10/11/12 8:34:41

crm

.....but you didn't turn up til 9!"

27/10/12 11:02:23

Pete

Investigators were fairly confident that they had found the John Denver crash site.

27/09/12 19:00:27

Tony Busby

Soaprano

17/09/12 19:02:08

Ken Stapleton

He still hasn't stirred

15/09/12 7:23:55

Neil Mackenzie

Are you a member of the AA Sir.
Yes but I missed my session today.

10/07/12 19:08:08

Ken Stapleton

"Glove is in the air"

24/06/12 10:16:50

Joe T

For the love of God Victoria, please eat something.

08/06/12 19:06:33

Rob Falconer

For the furnishings, we went to BIKEA

05/05/12 19:03:09

Suzanne Brooks

Dave never liked fast food.

16/04/12 10:00:46

Pablo Cabello

£50
WINNER

Lust in Translation.

27/01/12 11:22:25

Lee Hauxwell

£50
WINNER

The first passenger flight of Derry Air

15/08/11 10:12:49

Al Overy

I'd been applying for jobs for months, sent thousands of CVs and been rejected on countless occasions. Eventually I lowered my expectations and, although the pay is really crap, I am proud to call myself Trainee Assistant Dung Beetle.

06/01/21 20:00:41

Al Overy

£50
WINNER

Blind people: never walk near swamps with an inexperienced guide dog.

05/12/20 20:07:54

... or an inexperienced bog guide.Well done Al. Great caption. --James Lennox

"Sausage and egg McMuffin, no egg, and no muffin."

28/11/20 8:32:51

This is similar to what I ask for but they don't seem to understand what I mean when I say "Can you hold the sausage?" --Karyn Harrison

James Lennox

I have a strange urge to whack her with an oversize rubber mallet.

17/11/20 9:17:11

Kenny Ireland

Sarah also had a chest freezer.

21/10/20 14:18:42

18/09/20 11:18:06

Top tip: when your pets die, have them stuffed and turned into croquet hoops.

13/08/20 11:01:10

James Lennox

The cheap seats at the opera are OK. Just make sure you duck when they turn the spotlights on.

31/07/20 7:09:57

Rachel P

The oX Files

04/06/20 19:11:10

The truth is snout hair. :^) --Crunchy Chords

''This is a station announcement for all those passengers wishing to commit suicide: The train due to be arriving on platform 1 will now be arriving on Platform 2.''

27/05/20 20:12:30

Looks like there'll be no departures today. --Karyn Harrison

Due to a bagpipe shortage, Luton's 'Scottish Exile Pipe Band' had to improvise

22/05/20 11:12:57

But it was a bit of a Wee Crankie idea. --Woofer 6

''I'm absolutely worn out, prowling round Essex all night trying to find a virgin.''

01/05/20 11:13:13

Mr Dome

Hello madam. Allow me to push your stool in

04/04/20 8:41:59

“So, I’m just chilling in the garden, minding my own business and having a bit of a snooze, and then it happened. F*cking lawnmower. I know he’s bored but the quicker that bastard goes back to work the better”

03/04/20 11:00:39

Being a first responder to a car accident on the Simpsons was a sobering experience…

02/04/20 11:00:09

Looks like he's covered in Marge. --Karyn Harrison

Stu Dent

"Why are you upset...? I said 'I'd give you a ring from Cartier'."

Message in a Brothel

29/01/20 20:18:23

A sting operation resulted in a successful police raid. --Dave Bryan

01/12/19 20:00:06

£50
WINNER

25/11/19 8:00:08

Thanks everyone for the comments and votes. November has been a very lucky month, winning 5 times on the lottery (grand total of £67.60!) and now on caption.me! --Welsh Rarebit

16/09/19 19:00:05

£50
WINNER

03/09/19 12:31:20

Thanks to everyone for your kind comments and votes. I am reeling from the shock! To be in the captioners gallery is an accolade I truly never expected. I am honoured. A big thank you goes to Chris for providing this platform for us lovers of word... --Vivvy En

stone face

"Must definitely go to Specsavers tomorrow." Joanne said to herself. As she wondered why the train was taking so long to leave the station.

31/08/19 7:14:50

I wouldn't put my arson that.

Early gurning centre

14/08/19 7:02:06

Troompa Loompa

Stop Luke and listen.

10/08/19 19:35:10

08/08/19 19:44:45

16/07/19 11:04:15

"Good afternoon. Today, we are in Delhi, for the semi finals of the Extreme Jenga Championship.."

30/06/19 11:05:59

28/06/19 7:21:50

20/06/19 19:01:49

12/05/19 19:21:22

03/05/19 7:00:09

24/04/19 11:51:55

Stewards enquiry after tortoise lodges an official complaint

19/04/19 11:00:37

Glyn Evans

The tortoise and the hair.

24/02/19 12:28:25

Chris Keegan

"Borrow the car? Oh Philip, you do make one laugh sometimes"

16/02/19 12:00:07

09/02/19 8:08:34

08/12/18 8:59:38

Fancy going for a spin?

06/12/18 20:00:46

Tina Flowers

clever x3

'I'm the bus in-spectre'.

31/10/18 20:17:56

Karyn Harrison

Drum kit

21/10/18 11:00:14

Charles Gleason

"Have you any idea how many people have been looking for you ?"

10/09/18 7:01:18

13/08/18 11:00:24

£50
WINNER

17/07/18 23:32:15

Woof! Wasn't expecting that. Nice one Folks! --Stephen Paterson

28/06/18 7:15:55

21/06/18 19:33:04

17/06/18 8:35:49

16/06/18 19:02:37

The Invisible Man gets a right good kicking.

12/06/18 19:00:13

Vivvy En

clever x4

Dave, a budding photographer, really hoped the bird would fly off so he could take a better shot

11/06/18 19:39:08

Took me a while, just twigged it.Great caption. --John Glover

"I can hardly walk in these eels!"

01/06/18 7:09:09

"Bloody hell Jim, now you put the toilet seat down."

05/11/17 12:01:38

Welsh Rarebit

clever x2

Slumdog pillion heirs

22/08/17 19:04:13

"He needs a clip around the ears."

16/02/17 20:01:30

Curiously, our local barber shop is actually called a Clip Around The Ears. --Pussy Galore

John Glover

clever x3

"Yes, I am an architect, but I compile crossword puzzles on the side."

06/02/17 12:18:16

Pussy Galore

How many times do I have to tell the kids not to accept lifts from strangers?

15/01/17 12:03:17

Thanks for the votes everyone, this is my highest-scoring caption to date. :) --Pussy Galore

"I don't know how I got burnt, I've had my sun screen on all day."

clever x4

Best Man's Friend

05/12/16 20:12:16

Great caption Tony --Andrea Hickling

Glyn Evans

clever x2

11/11/16 20:08:44

hahaha, took me some time.'sun screen' --sandeep chahal

"That reminds me, we must get the voltage adjusted on that electric fence."

17/10/16 19:31:44

Come fry with me... --Pussy Galore

Smuldo

clever x3

Igor's hopes of a medal were now in Limbo.

18/08/16 19:09:46

The impressive collection from Arkwright's till.

29/06/16 14:13:21

"All I did was order a pint of cider"

02/04/16 19:05:57

Ron Allan

It's obviously not ground coffee

05/02/16 16:31:02

The down votes showing here appear to be the result of a bug I introduced with my recent changes to the voting code. I'll look into this ASAP. --Chris Beach

John Glover

"Shit, so what did we have put down?"

25/01/16 21:58:26

"Sonja, for chrissakes, pull the cord."

25/01/16 8:04:44

Without your brilliant buildup, this caption would have fallen flat. (No pun intended.) Nice job!!! --Greg Curtis

Zac Kramer

Sworded affair

23/11/15 20:07:37

John Llamas

"I reared him myself."

14/10/15 19:10:32

12/10/15 15:30:15

Honey, have you checked on the twins?

06/10/15 8:41:27

John Llamas

We didn't always have hair dryers

23/09/15 11:15:06