Caption.Me - oblong cassidy

It's like all those DIY programmes have tortoise nothing..

22/02/25 8:04:04

Polaroids?

No. Just saddle sore.

16/02/25 20:12:00, edited: 16/02/25 20:19:09

Furred world problems

09/02/25 12:07:59

The police have issued a warren for their arrest..

09/02/25 12:02:28

'How will I recognise you?'

08/02/25 20:23:59

Elongs to be loved

Sun 12:04:04

🎵 Love will Taurus apart again 🎵

15/03/25 8:24:37

'So how did your husband die'

'Well you know that venetian model village he was making, with realistic canals... Well he drowned fitting a window box on 32a.'

07/03/25 20:11:08

'Have you been putting crocodiles in my mother's fish pond again?'

'No.'

07/03/25 8:06:40, edited: 07/03/25 8:13:50

I think one of them is a blood donner.

Doris Karlof

21/02/25 12:09:31, suggested edits

18/02/25 12:16:10

08/02/25 12:10:52

Ryanair unveil their cheapest flights yet from Manchester to London..

07/02/25 8:02:24

'You know when you said you had no problem with our daughter transitioning ..well ermm.'

10/03/25 20:08:32

Labradoors

28/02/25 12:01:02

Earl Greyskull

27/02/25 8:01:56

Howlem Globe Trotters

19/02/25 12:38:13

'What's up Dave,have you lost your bottle?'

18/02/25 20:08:36

Hound Of The Basket Fills

17/02/25 20:15:04

Deoder Aunt

14/02/25 8:02:12

Dave rued the day he went to work wearing a carrot flavoured condom ..

09/02/25 12:20:08

Did you shut the door?

Of course I did. It'd be Rudolph me not to.

08/02/25 12:01:31

The Southend Young Amateur Dramatics Club won plaudits for their gritty version of 'The African Queen'

03/02/25 20:19:26

Their dad was in the army.. He was a kernel

29/01/25 13:41:10

Golden Ramsey

14/03/25 8:02:50

He should carry less cargo

13/03/25 20:01:02, edited: 13/03/25 20:01:27

'Dad I think it's a bit extreme building a time machine, for the soul purpose of returning your overdue library book.. Just pay the friggin fine and let's go see dinosaurs.'

02/03/25 20:31:42

'I said get a commode chair for my mother'

'I know'

28/02/25 20:42:04

Looks like Michelle Fyffer..

26/02/25 10:24:09

'Well it's a good job you bought that commemorative All Blacks postage stamp dear.'

25/02/25 8:24:35

Hitchhikers Guide Dog To The Galaxy

23/02/25 8:03:41

When I googled sexy fireman getting pussy and cock.. I was a tad disappointed

20/02/25 8:07:26

The sign could have been boulder

19/02/25 20:00:49

Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder

18/02/25 12:04:27

'Am really angry I've just found my dog in the vineyard picking grapes .'

'Why the anger? Shouldn't you be proud that he so talented .'

'No, It's Tuesday and Tuesday he does the beekeeping.'

creative

17/02/25 20:22:35

"what are you looking at through the window?"

"It looks like reindeer."

"Oh bollocks.. I knew I should've brought my brolly."

08/02/25 12:05:13

Was your dad a computer programmer then?

No.. A T-shirt maker.

07/02/25 20:09:56

Brought before the beak.

04/02/25 20:13:18

And I still never got the part of Dr Octopus in Spiderman

04/02/25 12:01:25, edited: 04/02/25 12:02:58

I was growing myself some couch potatoes

Tue 8:17:55

I had a turf up bringing

Tue 8:07:43

'I appreciate the effort boy.. But sorry, after pissing on the couch, you're still not allowed back in the living room.'

14/03/25 8:06:56

it Asda be love

09/03/25 8:03:43, edited: 09/03/25 8:35:30

Melvin celebrates emptying a full pint from his bladder with a Facebook post with his mates..

08/03/25 20:22:39

"Gulliver!!... Your albino cousin is here. '

07/03/25 20:03:45

"My place or Jaws?"

06/03/25 12:08:45

'Come on where's your Christmas spirit. Think of all the joy it brings to the kids in the street.. why be such a bah humbug.'

'IT'S FRIGGIN' AUGUST.'

02/03/25 9:11:00, edited: 02/03/25 9:14:57

'Not the best idea to serve these in the abortion clinic Doreen.'

21/02/25 20:27:14

He looks pint sized

18/02/25 12:05:12

I bet his fav guitar is a stratus caster

18/02/25 8:01:25, edited: 18/02/25 8:03:02

'Jeezus we're glad to have gotten out of there..The place is full of clowns.'

09/02/25 8:04:21

Is the lad autistic... I only ask because when his dad was younger he was on the Spectrum

07/02/25 20:19:10

'I think Tom next door is trying to get rid of his mother-in-law again.

07/02/25 8:04:16

'I know dad's autistic tendencies are getting out of control...But couldn't we have just got him a normal fidget spinner.'

31/01/25 8:03:25

'Are you feeling clucky punk'

29/01/25 20:05:09

With that shot player one has just had a rather unexpected follow through ..I think we can blame the local drinking water for that one

15/03/25 20:33:19

I always thought that toilet was seedy

14/03/25 20:25:49

Some people have a stigma about having a pistil in these

14/03/25 20:18:42, edited: 14/03/25 20:18:56

'I told my husband I was leaving him butty wouldn't believe me'

11/03/25 20:01:52

Dirty Prancing...

10/03/25 20:14:22, edited: 10/03/25 21:59:28

'Gis ya teeth and make it snappy.'

07/03/25 8:02:29

You wanna see his reBoots

06/03/25 8:07:18

at last another cat one

05/03/25 8:01:07

'She's a cold blooded creature.. makes a mess of the house..constantly stinks the place out..But hey,that's enough about the wife ..Have you seen my pet lizard.'

28/02/25 20:36:00

'Does my bomb look big in this?'

26/02/25 20:04:21

Well that's a novel approach to dog training.

23/02/25 8:04:53, edited: 23/02/25 8:17:29

LeBone James

19/02/25 12:36:52

Introducing the latest member of the band ..'Wrongo'

14/02/25 12:21:42

'You wafer the sun all year and then ...

13/02/25 8:06:22

I wasted my wages buying this thing.. It was money down the Mondrain..

11/02/25 8:03:02

Turd world problems

06/02/25 12:02:20

Worse case of the clap I've ever seen.

04/02/25 12:04:26

"I only had two pints watching the football."

Thu 8:31:44

"Hitchcock.. Master Bates."

"Yeah I think have been overdoing it in the bath."

Mon 13:02:34

Pull the udder one

15/03/25 8:08:29

After suffering for years from anxiety Dave decided to join a shelf help group.

14/03/25 12:31:39

'So luigi did you get rid of the body like I told you..Well hidden never getting found soon.'

'Sure did Boss.'

14/03/25 12:30:24

Jesus took some fish made a pie and fed thousands..Just one of his many mackerels

13/03/25 12:54:23

I feel your pain

13/03/25 8:09:00

'And you said there be no side effects treating covid with Ivermectin.'

10/03/25 20:10:24

🎵 Soggy seems the hardest word 🎵

10/03/25 12:38:27

When the truth hits homer

10/03/25 8:03:48

'Since he had the viagra injections grandad's been like a rampant rabbit chasing after grandma.'

'And how does she feel about that?'

'Oh she's over the moon..She glued his jumper to the back of her scooter..She hasn't had to charge it for a month.'

09/03/25 8:11:34

Bonnie Blue announces that the Dog And Partridge bowling team will be appearing her in her next sex video..

08/03/25 20:35:14

Carbs-onara

06/03/25 20:15:27

Now you're being fusilli..

06/03/25 20:10:32, edited: 06/03/25 20:18:08