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BBC reveal new Doctor Who.
06/08/25 7:07:38
Never get drunk with Picasso then pass out.
05/08/25 7:02:36
Elepants
03/08/25 7:01:15
“We need some Spot remover on that couch.”
28/07/25 19:03:01, edited: 28/07/25 19:14:38, suggested edits
Take me to your feeder!
23/07/25 11:00:32
"I've got us a discreet VIP box for the Coldplay concert so no one will find out"
21/07/25 7:11:27
"Have you ever thought that you might not be very good at shoplifting" said PC Dave
20/07/25 7:03:22
''When the Captain threw his grenade at the Germans which of you idiots brought it back to him?''
19/07/25 20:11:17
“Kenwood.””I think anyone would.”
18/07/25 19:01:35
"What did you do at the weekend Dave?""Got shit faced."
17/07/25 11:00:49
Weight Watchers portion size cheat spoon
16/07/25 7:09:47
Jurassic Spark
12/07/25 7:03:06
They didn't like me breastfeeding when I came here last week. They told me not to show my face there again.
08/07/25 11:05:21
"They won't be expecting our secret weapon, British cooking."
07/07/25 19:06:20
Just like Mr Booze and Mr Bet, Mr Smoke never made the final cut of the Mr Men.
03/07/25 19:17:39, edited: 04/07/25 8:08:14
People leaving Glastonbury after Rod Stewart's first song...
30/06/25 11:05:18
Eddie Lizzard
28/06/25 7:02:42
Cosmetic Sturgeon
27/06/25 7:03:19
Dave's satnav was going crazy. 'Bear to the left, bear to the right, bear straight ahead'
24/06/25 11:02:17, edited: 24/06/25 11:02:44
Westminster Tabby.
22/06/25 11:09:22
"No, Superman, you may not explore my batcave."
15/06/25 19:04:06
"Sorry about the omission on your order. I'll be back in six months with the Diet Coke."
13/06/25 19:30:34
"Next week on extreme sports we have a man on some kind of death wish. He's going to attempt to run the length of a rugby pitch against 22 women on their menstrual cycle, whilst holding a chocolate egg"
11/06/25 11:13:05
The result of a storm in a teacup.
11/06/25 7:01:53
''You're not obliged to say anything, madam, but I'd appreciate it if you stopped laughing.''
07/06/25 11:32:20
"Ok, that's your head massage done, Sal. That'll be one regurgitated herring please."
06/06/25 19:05:26
One Million Years AC/DC
05/06/25 11:00:22, edited: 05/06/25 11:00:55
"So Dave, they stole your chips when you was an eight year old boy. Can't you just forgive and forget?"
02/06/25 7:10:54
"I'll be amazed if they get both our species right" said the racoon to the turtle.
01/06/25 11:08:16, edited: 01/06/25 16:36:43, suggested edits
''I made the mistake of taking my car to one of those 'Mickey Mouse' garages.''
23/05/25 7:03:17
Top Deer
14/05/25 19:05:00
A Knight on the tiles.
12/05/25 11:08:13
Cereal killer
07/05/25 19:00:29
I always wondered how Tommy Cooper might look when reincarnated. I saw this dog and thought 'just like that'
02/05/25 11:12:43
“My parents were shot then me and my brother were captured by poachers and sold to an illegal zoo, that’s how I ended up here, you?”‘Claw machine.’
02/05/25 9:05:32
It's nice that they both found Holmes.
27/04/25 7:01:02
"Ah, here it is...'How to Make Clothes out of Old Curtains'."
24/04/25 7:08:10, edited: 24/04/25 7:09:29
Glasgow woman sits in bathroom for 48 hours after daughter swallows fifty pence piece.
09/04/25 7:27:27
Crow Bar
08/04/25 7:00:36
"Tarzan.. Your taxi's here. '
05/04/25 11:42:44, edited: 05/04/25 12:07:07
You’ve hit the male on the head
03/04/25 7:04:45
“When I said I like women in fishnets…”
01/04/25 7:13:03
Weapons of brass destruction
26/03/25 12:00:55
"That's the last time we invite Dave and Susan to a dress up party," said Volodymyr Zelensky.
22/03/25 20:27:54
"Hang on.. You want me to give up the tit for this!!"
21/03/25 8:03:52
That's the last time I use corn flour
16/03/25 20:08:18
School dinner
13/03/25 12:06:05
''Where are you going to park it?''''Out back.''
12/03/25 12:08:13
"I think I like the first one that I tried on."
04/03/25 12:14:20
I have a sign like that on my bed with a full calendar of dates.
01/03/25 12:02:31
A Hard Day's Flight
27/02/25 20:20:53
I think we might have rented the wrong Trainspotting dvd...
25/02/25 21:53:07
Shower cap
18/02/25 20:00:25
Rex has always been a light eater.
15/02/25 20:14:51
Somewhere Rover the rainbow
15/02/25 20:02:45
🎵 I got you Babe 🎵
10/02/25 8:13:53
The council need to fill in these pot holes.
09/02/25 20:00:51
He's just a ctrl freak
07/02/25 20:01:35
“Rake up, Maggie.”
30/01/25 12:18:09
My Lidl Pony
29/01/25 8:03:45
They aren't the kind of shoes you can wear furlong.
28/01/25 8:28:20
Yappy birthday!
25/01/25 20:05:48
Bagpuss
23/01/25 12:00:37
I don't care about the tree but why did you have to paint a garden fence on the carpet?
20/01/25 8:32:26
Gay City Rollers
18/01/25 8:01:35
The ride of your wife.
11/01/25 8:00:36
“My wife won’t stroke it.”
09/01/25 8:01:19
''I'm hoping to get laid tonight.''
05/01/25 8:02:54
The rough end of Sesame Street.
27/12/24 8:15:36
“ ……….. and the pet Piranhas, did they survive the flood? ….”
26/12/24 20:33:54
Its time we let you know, the reason you can't fly son, is we adopted you as a baby
22/12/24 12:04:20
Herbievore
21/12/24 20:05:11
"Doctor, doctor! I keep seeing elephants cooking!""Have you seen a psychiatrist?""No, just elephants cooking!"
05/12/24 12:50:19
"Are you sure that is all you have left?" said Dave at 10 PM on his Christmas Eve present buying spree.
04/12/24 8:05:12
Wall's Street
01/12/24 12:06:00
Bangers and sash
27/11/24 8:09:58
Dave was struggling to adjust to life in the Witness Protection Program.
26/11/24 8:06:04
Hoax Hoax Hoax
23/11/24 20:04:41
Flight of the Living Dead
19/11/24 12:02:02
Nothing turns Jock on more than seeing his sheep in fish nets.
18/11/24 11:32:43
DeliverWho
16/11/24 20:06:29
Cock au Van
10/11/24 8:04:05
"Get a shroom!"
09/11/24 8:01:29
The lads were gutted to discover that their order didn't include the model.
05/11/24 12:04:39
Aw just like daddy's
01/11/24 12:06:08
Once a month HR selects the most noteworthy employees
31/10/24 20:16:27
Quiffhanger
26/10/24 7:56:12
"See how you like it, Schrodinger!" SLAM.
20/10/24 11:03:15
Just a minor repair.
14/10/24 11:24:03
Who donut?
13/10/24 7:00:26
Rex's Chainsaw Massacre
11/10/24 19:00:31
When your bark is bigger than your bite
10/10/24 11:00:55
Halloweenie
06/10/24 11:40:38
Hawaii Fi-do.
05/10/24 19:00:25, edited: 05/10/24 19:55:57
A Right Twatt!
01/10/24 7:00:40, edited: 01/10/24 7:50:29
It was murder on the roads this evening.
28/09/24 19:04:43
“E.T. phone 911.”
26/09/24 7:51:51
Made by Cartel
20/09/24 19:06:34
"I'm Spartapuss!"
19/09/24 7:01:28, edited: 19/09/24 7:17:46, suggested edits
Fancy getting on a train with bear feet.
17/09/24 7:01:11
suggested edits
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