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Oli Blackwell

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captions

One for the rodeo.

06/09/12 11:28:04

Seconds later it was just a wrecked tangle...

09/06/12 10:42:48

Cistern Chapel.

21/09/12 8:17:01

Randicapped

13/07/12 19:13:09

Yes, 1000 smurfs died to make this outfit, but it looks fabulous.

28/09/12 11:41:11

Star Waltz

31/01/13 13:04:39

Yew-2.

27/09/12 19:20:27

The new Boeing hand-dryer. Powerful.

08/09/12 7:40:35

The vinyl frontier

17/06/12 10:35:42

And just behind them, the raft of Khan.

14/04/13 19:07:03

Ex-spired.

01/12/12 8:55:42

"Everybody freeze!"

20/11/12 12:15:28

creative

Shepherd's Pi.

15/06/13 11:09:19

Shepherd's Pi perhaps ? --Mark England

One poo under the cuckoo's nest

02/07/12 20:41:10

It took a while, but the Rolling Stones did gather moss eventually.

15/06/12 10:11:01

Boots of a leather flock together.

07/10/12 11:04:54

Sign on the other side of the bridge: "LOSE HEIGHT NOW. ASK ME HOW."

18/06/12 11:22:32

Inside the "Big Bovvered?" house.

19/11/12 13:13:56

The fat man appeared to be asleep, and Emilio the gardener did need a new pair of sandals...

04/09/12 13:20:37

Tesco value chops, thighs and bingo wings.

07/08/12 12:01:02

"Nobody puts Baby in a conifer."

15/06/12 6:19:07

Does my class look big in this?

08/12/13 9:13:00

This new model enables us to cancel services due to all imaginable conditions.

27/10/12 7:22:58

Something to tickle your tastebuds...

21/10/12 7:42:20

A sure sign that The Eagles have nested here...

27/09/12 19:22:24

"Ca-porcine-o"

23/09/12 15:07:10

"No, I said this WASN'T the photo to print on our family Christmas cards, you bloody idiot!"

23/08/12 21:11:33

"This cleaning product, captain - it's non-biological."

17/06/12 10:42:40

Godzilva.

03/01/14 20:16:47

If you think this is bizarre, you should see what happens when it says, "NO".

15/06/13 7:44:24

"They think it's all oven..."

16/05/13 19:21:58

Piranha-colada

26/02/13 21:53:33

Heroes in a halfpipe.

11/11/12 12:21:53

One swallow doesn't make Ann Summers.

14/09/12 22:49:37

"Wig on a rock down to Electric Avenue..."

08/09/12 22:39:43

"There's a brat in m'kitchen, what am I gonna do?"

28/07/12 10:21:24

Duracellulite Bunny

20/07/12 21:41:53

Just another beak in the wall

13/07/12 10:53:56

Deirdre prefered the Hare - he was fast and furious but never came first.

05/07/12 13:09:11

Underground commuting: Watch out for the bends

20/06/12 10:09:00

Snakes and Bladders.

19/06/12 22:35:06

Curiosity may have killed the cat, but the steamroller was no innocent bystander.

19/06/12 11:05:43

Wilson Thicket

15/06/12 10:16:03

Flatten screen TV

25/01/14 12:46:16

It's mannequin there.

23/01/14 22:31:54

"I look up to him because he is first class"
"I look down on him because he is second class"

06/12/13 14:20:58

Far from the gloom of Mordor, Sauron's time-share beach apartment.

27/11/13 23:45:59

The graffiti artist clearly suffered from Turrets Syndrome.

26/06/13 11:32:13

"...and that's the last one in. Now we leave her for 15 minutes, at the end of which her arachnophobia will be completely cured..."

03/05/13 20:10:18

ConjureTheMarket.com

15/11/12 12:18:48

Pork chops.

23/08/12 7:24:16

That's why mums go to Poundland.

07/08/12 11:53:45

Fifty spokes of grey.

06/08/12 17:33:48

Vi-kurious

30/06/12 22:22:21

Something barrowed, something blue.

18/06/12 21:06:15

"And all because the lady loves Milk Tray... And bananas. And noodles. And crisps. And sausages. And cheese. And bagels. And pickles. And jerky. And celery. And pastries. And..."

14/06/12 6:03:55

Encounters of the furred kind.

03/01/14 20:12:18

Tanya remained stoic, despite having been abandoned by the blue bird of happiness and found by the racoon of abject resignation.

04/12/13 22:03:13

"Well this is tedious," thought the racoon.

04/12/13 22:01:16

Herby.

01/12/13 0:56:34

"Tonight, on 'Date or Cremate?' ..."

22/11/13 21:16:20

"We only recognise 8 planets in this area"

25/06/13 19:46:50

♫ I like big halibuts an' I cannot lie... ♫

24/02/13 20:11:22

24/02/13 8:08:37

15/12/12 18:46:32

25/11/12 12:19:16

12/10/12 13:09:25

Suddenly the smell of fish and vinegar became overpowering.

29/09/12 8:38:07

Whinny-dipping.

28/08/12 17:22:42

"No, Barbara - there's no one else. Why would you think that...?"

18/08/12 7:46:21

"You cannot hangout here."

17/08/12 9:27:59

One cake. Ha ha ha. Two cakes. Ha ha ha. Three cakes. Ha ha ha. Four cakes. Ha ha ha. FIVE cakes. Om-nom-nom-nom...

18/07/12 19:40:10

Where there's muck, there's bras.

11/07/12 17:02:52

Against the lawn of gravity

07/07/12 7:43:40

Beg, steal and barrow

18/06/12 19:55:52

Gone flawed van, damn.

18/06/12 11:17:58

Bush - Live and Unpruned

15/06/12 10:26:25

This most certainly is not the droid I was looking for.

04/12/13 8:14:54

Against type.

03/12/13 12:59:57

Page 234 in the not particularly popular, "Big Book of Using Things That Are Not Deoderant As If They Were Deoderant"

03/12/13 12:58:47

Bloke in background: "I made a shedload of vol-au-f***ing-vents and nobody's even touched them. B***ards."

01/12/13 18:59:04

I f***ing love this caption! --Michael Winner

"Ask not for whom the bill tolls..."

22/11/13 21:17:38

The lambs gambled happily across the meadow.

15/06/13 11:12:53

"Sounds like it was a good night... Anyway, the real reason I wanted a quick chat: Janet says she's leaving me."

17/04/13 17:51:39

Brilliant! --Michael Winner

The moment before the late Huo Cheng took the photo that won the National Geographic best photo of 2013 award.

02/03/13 7:31:39

Grandalf the very dark grey.

10/02/13 8:58:26

Stepettoe, the toymaker

26/01/13 8:54:52

Canine-stipation.

05/01/13 10:51:37

Mini-Meatloaf

31/12/12 13:20:43

The Union Inn, famed for its jingo nights.

05/12/12 9:20:51

Grim sleeper.

01/12/12 8:57:25

Got any knuckle sandwiches?

19/11/12 13:11:24

Kirk's Drift.

17/11/12 20:57:39

Clash of the tri-tans.

10/10/12 7:44:22

Jim had swung his axe at the tree for hours, and still nothing...

27/09/12 19:27:19

They're selling like hot pants.

24/09/12 13:48:04

"IKEA, little silhouetto of a bench..."

21/09/12 14:04:50

Jehovah's Weightwatchers.

31/08/12 16:02:18

101 perambulations.

27/08/12 7:09:57

Stream of consciousness.

09/08/12 10:05:08

She was a fine piece of taut ass

05/07/12 21:06:43

Vince stared down in dismay at his sagging waste.

01/07/12 11:24:15

On his return to Gloucester, Dr Foster - and indeed his entire medical staff - weren't taking any chances.

01/07/12 7:04:29

Try as he might, Daddy continued to be a poor second to Chips.

30/06/12 22:26:00

Nothing purr-snarl

19/06/12 10:01:12

On the straight and barrow.

18/06/12 20:07:43

The search for speck

17/06/12 10:52:00

Gawp Factor Floor

17/06/12 10:46:28

It was only a matter of time before he escaped. After all, she was the one wearing a red top...

17/06/12 10:40:56

Tracy was worried about being seen wearing real fir.

15/06/12 6:15:32

"Split!" purrs O'Nallity

11/06/12 11:22:46

Well, that kilt the conversation...

09/06/12 10:28:54

Shoot out at the ogre corral.

02/02/14 14:24:19

Cocktails from the crypt keeper.

01/02/14 9:06:31

Manky-quins.

13/01/14 13:56:45

Bill was suffering from a nasty case of glamour-droids.

04/12/13 8:15:38

An official spokesman later confirmed that, yes, the guy who photoshops Kim Jong-il was on holiday on this occasion. And his apprentice has been executed.

01/12/13 19:04:28

"Uuuuuullllaaaaayyyy!" (nod to 20:13:21)

29/11/13 20:34:02

Wetsuits & Hirsutes

27/11/13 23:35:33

"Remember, when you're talking to him, whatever you do, don't mention the carrot..."

22/06/13 7:17:30

♫ Bud, I stilt ... haven't found ... what I'm looking for... ♫

17/04/13 20:24:00

Deep Space Rhine.

14/04/13 19:08:08

Forearmed with knowledge

10/03/13 8:27:27

Foursquare is forearmed? --Michael Winner

Fin Diesel.

24/02/13 20:12:37

Hover. Bored.

22/12/12 10:12:27

"What the hell - what wash did you put those towels on?"

22/12/12 10:11:58

"...This time it's perch'n'all."

20/12/12 6:09:20

We used to have Ariel on the roof, then a shark caught her. Now we have cable.

08/12/12 10:33:53

Funnel vision.

02/12/12 8:38:45

Caution: Sharp recline ahead.

22/11/12 13:07:41

♫ Smack! My Kitchen. ♫

20/11/12 8:39:50

"All dolled up and no face to go."

09/11/12 12:14:43

What goes up must come clown.

11/10/12 19:19:11

A scene from Hitchcock's lesser known, but considerably more scary, "The Boots."

07/10/12 11:05:49

"I like big discounts, and I cannot lie..."

24/09/12 16:52:06

"This particular event has wheelie bin a struggle for number 6..."

21/09/12 8:15:34

Teddy gets a big surprise after trying to go down in the woods.

18/09/12 12:06:55

The good, the bad, and the juggly.

14/09/12 22:51:47

"Phew, man chew!"

12/09/12 10:54:00

"You say they only stole shoes, gloves and perfume? The tell-tale signs of our friend, the 3-armed mannequin burglar of Knightsbridge..."

06/09/12 8:57:59

Those aren't her breasts. So enormous is she that she can actually swing her bottom round to the front.

04/09/12 13:25:12

"Damn," he thought, "Hairy toes. My arch-nemesis..."

04/09/12 13:23:03

Corn star.

29/08/12 18:30:50

Caught between aurochs and a herd place.

23/08/12 18:02:49

"Bloody thistle-whistles, I told you not to blow that thing..."

22/08/12 13:16:36

Darren hated having fuzz on his behind.

10/08/12 6:41:32

After her big day, Priscilla felt drained.

07/08/12 6:47:27

The Dog's Patrollox

21/07/12 11:56:06

"And that's just what I pulled out of the hat. You should see what's in the suitcase..."

20/07/12 21:36:59

Thong-silitis

17/07/12 20:59:01

"What sex doll?"

13/07/12 19:29:26

"Take me down to the paradise city where the grass is green and the owls are - quite frankly - terrifying..."

13/07/12 15:16:41

Jesus saves: "CTRL+S? I wish it had been that straightforward 2000 years ago..."

08/07/12 18:09:01

Regurgi-Kate

05/07/12 20:47:01

Turtally Addicted to Love

05/07/12 13:15:56

In preparation for Dragon's Den, stage one of the "Stackable Pet" experiment gets off to an encouraging start...

19/06/12 10:05:53

Does my brum look big in this?

18/06/12 11:25:12

You know it's time to do the washing when your clothes can walk themselves to the laundrette.

15/06/12 19:24:11

Fir-tive glance

15/06/12 6:45:13

Cardinal offence

13/06/12 11:30:14

"Guns don't kill people, papal kill people"

13/06/12 11:23:07

Behold, the rare, giant Urban Devil Moth.

30/01/14 20:09:30

Sherlock Ohms and Doctor Wattson

27/01/14 19:32:00

Plumpkins.

22/01/14 21:06:20

Witnesses to the multiple homicide did later confirm that he behaved as though receiving instructions from the little red ball on his shoulder.

22/01/14 19:21:32

"All in the Best Possible Baste - 50 Shades of Gravy & Other Saucy Recipes"

15/01/14 13:59:14

♫ But the cat came back the very next day,
The cat came back, she thought he was a goner,
The cat came back, he just wouldn't stay away... ♫

11/01/14 11:00:59

This is the only Cordell Baker reference I've ever seen on here, nice one:) --Michael Winner

"Someone said thrush?"

11/01/14 10:58:39

Off the beat and track.

11/01/14 1:53:17

The Bear-minator: "I need your clothes, your boots and your motorcycle."

03/01/14 20:07:10

Fools resin.

21/12/13 8:03:42

Flame decals in the front, woofer in the back. Nice.

05/12/13 13:50:01

"You take the high road and I'll just sit here and keep an eye on things, alright?"

04/12/13 22:05:36

Binary finery.

04/12/13 8:16:17

The Snuffalo.

01/12/13 0:59:53

That'll be the Beyoncé.

28/06/13 19:39:39

Seven Second Absolution.

16/06/13 8:29:18

Out of shot: a shepherd, with a marker pen, fast asleep.

15/06/13 11:10:07

Bridge over the cuppa chai.

13/05/13 12:10:21

Call centre operative nightmares #27

29/04/13 20:20:15

sorry you have been cut off. --Chris Brooks

The final punteer.

14/04/13 19:09:02

Information security wrist

10/03/13 8:27:07

Cluster-duck.

18/01/13 23:14:19

The Mary White-Goods Experience.

08/01/13 12:33:41

Wade earthenware.

09/12/12 23:00:11

Christmas Prep Training Video #247: How to wrap a dismembered male torso.

09/12/12 12:15:19

Finally the exterior decoration of the pub was complete, and Frank admitted that nailing the pigeons along the roof had been the most challenging aspect of the whole scheme.

05/12/12 9:17:18

02/12/12 8:37:19

21/11/12 12:39:43

19/11/12 21:46:58

14/11/12 12:14:58

The appliances from celebrity masterchef take the news of yet another series hard...

10/11/12 8:26:26

Should've gone to Specsavers.

22/10/12 11:56:42

Rubber Dougie - your fun bathing companion.

28/09/12 10:22:56

Toilet-Rhys.

28/09/12 10:19:03

Singer song o'sixpence. Per day.

27/09/12 12:41:40

Not everything in black and white makes sensei.

12/09/12 10:57:33

Pert puppies and Slush puppies.

09/09/12 7:35:26

"What? Nah. Perfectly safe, chicken. C'mon in, why don't you..."

07/09/12 23:18:00

Sooty, Sweep and Sue on strike.

06/09/12 8:52:44

more captions

last comments (total: 32)

Foursquare is forearmed?

Michael Winner

10/03/13
1:22pm

comment on caption:
Forearmed with knowledge [Oli Blackwell]

Brilliant!

Michael Winner

18/04/13
7:41am

comment on caption:
"Sounds like it was a good night... Anyway, the real reason I wanted a quick chat: Janet says she's leaving me." [Oli Blackwell]

"Hello, Head Office..."

Michael Winner

29/04/13
8:30pm

comment on caption:
Call centre operative nightmares #27 [Oli Blackwell]

sorry you have been cut off.

Chris Brooks

29/04/13
8:32pm

comment on caption:
Call centre operative nightmares #27 [Oli Blackwell]

Shepherd's Pi perhaps ?

Mark England

15/06/13
12:04pm

comment on caption:
Shepherd's Pi. [Oli Blackwell]

'Shepherd's Pi' is brilliant- definitely worth a vote from me :)

Michael Winner

15/06/13
7:44pm

comment on caption:
Shepherd's Pi. [Oli Blackwell]

Thanks very much both. Shouldn't really take credit for this caption - Mark is the one who made it shine. How I didn't spot it myself, I have no idea... smilie face