Your call is very important to us - please continue to hold

09/12/17 8:18:18

Bloody Hell - at last
detention is finally over.

01/04/17 20:31:39

My-hut-Ma Gandhi

03/10/12 9:10:56

clever

Jester Piggot

07/04/18 21:22:17

The Abu Hamza Arms

23/10/12 20:16:02

Muriel

24/10/12 12:20:36

Was originally built on two floors - but that's another storey

14/12/11 12:09:52

Your home may be repossessed if you do not keep up repayments on your mortgage.

20/02/12 12:49:47

The Chilean miners emerge, Juan by Juan

22/02/12 21:36:07

The roots of all evil

15/11/12 12:14:40

Just walking my goldfish

25/12/11 15:06:35

Mills and Doom

22/09/12 20:42:27

You hang up first...no you hang up first

20/04/12 20:45:07

Are my roots showing?

07/03/12 12:08:31

They were heading off to a Minnie break

15/12/17 12:17:58

If you take any longer the game will be Stale Meat

13/11/12 12:51:23

Overall it was a big improvement

27/01/18 10:20:11

Pair of slippers

18/11/17 20:13:21

Ugly duck ring

18/09/17 19:18:47

Even though Dave tried hard to kick the habit, he would still light up.

06/12/12 12:18:46

The police were given a frosty reception

20/11/12 12:09:12

Extreme Feng Shui

03/09/12 16:06:44

Nudist Beech

22/02/12 16:15:29

Bloody Germans! Reserving tooth brushes on holidays.

15/12/11 14:07:15

Iron Maiden

07/04/18 13:05:56

Baldrick are you sure about this cunning plan?

26/09/16 9:01:30

Massive Chew Set, USA

04/10/12 12:23:33

Where've you beanie all my life?

19/05/12 16:22:02

I'm not gay - but my boyfriend is.

30/04/12 18:22:04

RyanAir announce their new budget service to Ireland

25/02/12 11:29:22

Just sprucing myself up a bit

12/02/12 22:20:31

Hurry up - we're dying of exposure

16/12/11 22:20:07

She gave me crabs, the other gave me clamydia

12/12/11 21:26:18

Victoria Peckham

01/12/12 10:42:50

Synchronized swimming demands advanced water skills, and requires great strength, endurance, flexibility, grace, artistry and precise timing, as well as a nice arse.

29/11/12 14:54:33

He-mu

21/11/12 13:29:30

Shaving private Ryan-air

14/11/12 21:57:39

The Poo Fighters

20/10/12 12:26:48

Felix originally wanted a relationship with no Thais

05/10/12 22:26:07

New kid on the block

02/10/12 22:10:47

Looking to buy a boat? - I Noah a guy

16/05/12 22:07:53

Natalie Wood

27/04/12 22:32:50

Egg on the right: I think I can smell his crack

26/02/12 20:57:45

They didn't appreciate the gravity of thier situation

06/01/12 11:48:19

We can't believe it's not Buddha

01/01/12 14:50:20

He was begging for it

24/12/11 22:17:25

"♪...so don't go bacon my heart, I couldn't if I lied..♪

10/12/17 9:49:04

He's been done for exposure before

09/12/17 20:31:38

I fell for him hook line and sinker

02/12/17 13:28:24

Korean fast food delivery van

19/04/17 8:00:53

Does it come with a Tom Tom?

09/04/17 12:57:46

I've cut back I only drink one glass a night

12/12/17 21:33:46

Mustang on

03/12/17 22:33:53

Phuket I'll start my diet tomorrow.

30/04/17 10:50:41

Police are still mystified at who vandalised Snow Whites' car

18/04/17 18:20:29

Diving Belle

17/04/17 20:06:41

How many times have I told you not to use the boil wash - look what you've done to Santa.

09/04/17 21:14:37

I told you not to use the boil wash.

07/04/17 13:10:17

Ok very clever - but I bet you can't reverse it.

12/10/16 20:43:11

They were going into the woods to expose themselves

08/09/16 22:57:31

Harley, David's Son

04/12/12 13:12:36

New C4 series - "Come Die With Me"

20/11/12 8:58:10

Pants People

15/10/12 15:53:13

It'll be fine - I checked the forecast with Michael Fish

01/10/12 15:56:14

Max Bygraves support act now forced to go it alone.

05/09/12 23:26:58

I'm not Bob Marley - I'm bloody Hank Marvin

29/08/12 12:51:45

You buy Juan you get Juan's brother free

23/04/12 22:38:51

Look at me guys I'm still in my prime mate

09/02/12 12:51:32

First Aid Kid

06/01/12 21:40:49

I doughnut believe it!

03/01/12 17:22:03

Dave made sure he was prepared for his annual blow job

28/12/11 21:30:29

Scotty - increase power to the transporter I think we're losing her.

22/12/11 16:44:57

The true identity of the Stig is finally revealed

25/04/18 20:47:07

So much for looking for a relationship without any ties

01/02/18 16:45:34

A shotgun wedding

25/01/18 18:16:45

I asked these guys for directions... But I couldn't get a straight answer out of them.

03/12/17 9:01:41

Chilean minor

10/04/17 16:13:26

Typical - your waiting for your bust and three busts come at the same time.

02/04/17 8:53:27

After numerous unsuccesful diets Dave tried to top himself

21/12/12 12:23:47

BudgeriGuard

19/12/12 16:07:53

Peking and forgot to duck

02/12/12 17:57:56

Narcoleptic help line

25/11/12 20:15:26

Whacky racer

23/11/12 20:41:19

Square dancer

23/11/12 10:16:28

She fell from him hook line and sinker

31/10/12 20:20:48

Star-fucked

29/10/12 11:04:55

My mum was right, there's plenty more fish in the sea

26/10/12 20:19:07

Oil of you pray

21/09/12 10:29:33

Fund raising continues to help Rangers pay their tax bill.

12/09/12 14:07:17

Henema

05/09/12 13:47:47

Full english with some toast Honda side please

29/08/12 12:49:58

Another victim of identity theft

14/08/12 18:46:52

How much for a doggy in the window?

02/05/12 13:24:14

A lass for Yorick

19/03/12 16:43:08

Aw Shit - forgot my Nectar card.

06/03/12 13:13:40

Don't come in here with Shiite on your shoes



(cue for a Shiite joke?)

15/01/12 17:07:06

Grab a Granny Sale! - last one on the shelf.

12/01/12 12:31:37

Has anyone found of one those bloody Meerkats yet - otherwise it looks like I going to have to pay full price for my car insurance.

01/01/12 22:01:24

Spandex Ballet

21/12/11 20:45:11

Some guy dressed as a plumber with a bushy moustache threw me in here.

18/12/13 22:46:21

Just taking my pet Gold fish for a walk

20/12/12 18:50:10

Bikers groove

10/12/12 12:14:45

"Don't worry son, Madonna will take good care of you"

09/12/12 17:17:27

A shark's tile

07/12/12 20:50:01

Gang bang style

01/12/12 16:50:37

Wee come in piss

21/11/12 9:50:56

Cold fuzz

20/11/12 12:06:33

5 a day the Ann Summers way

17/10/12 20:45:00

Cat on a hot hatch tin roof

15/10/12 20:48:42

Cash for Skids charity raises millions of pounds for local children

14/10/12 20:48:24

The apprentice Sherpas are put through their paces

13/10/12 12:11:08

Ant and Deck

05/10/12 12:04:38

Yes mum it's me on Google street view

03/10/12 20:30:18

Chunderwumba

02/10/12 15:03:07

Bloody Andrex puppies nicked the toilet paper again.

07/09/12 21:44:55

Star Wars Episode II: Attack of the Clothes

05/09/12 11:58:47

♫ Mammaries are made of this ♫

04/09/12 9:33:13

Menagerie a trois

19/07/12 12:13:55

That's why they call me Dirty Harry

17/05/12 21:06:07

That should put the Shih Tzu up them

14/05/12 22:00:19

Aw Shrek!

06/05/12 21:17:36

That's the last time I invite Kim and Aggie over for tea.

21/04/12 21:14:57

We booked a Minnie break for the kids this year

10/02/12 12:17:42

Don't worry they'll edit the plane out of the shot.

13/01/12 10:09:21

I told you it would CLASH with my outfit

12/01/12 12:33:59

If anyone can find Woody - give me a Buzz.

02/01/12 11:24:20

Does my thorax look big in this?

20/12/11 21:52:40

Terry Firma

13/12/11 12:04:59

He can torque through his arse

23/10/11 22:22:29

She realised she bought a lemon

02/09/11 11:44:51

Paper wait

02/02/19 20:10:02

She thought she may as well use it in the garden, it was in the loft just collecting dust

02/05/18 10:43:19

Very fetching

12/04/18 22:00:53

Hard of earring

07/01/18 15:59:54

I refused to be pictured with a banana as I hate this stereotyping that we only eat bananas.

09/12/17 22:03:36

Hurry up and take the photo - you won't believe how heavy this sceptre is.

03/12/17 13:43:34

After quitting the Star Wars franchise Warwick Davis starts his new photographic career.

17/04/17 9:33:12

Life of Pie

05/04/17 20:26:08

Harry Pothead

03/04/17 9:01:41

Remarkable bird, the Norwegian Blue, make great hairdressers

02/04/17 13:42:28

Settling back into normal life was never going to be easy for the Andrex puppies

01/10/16 15:43:25

I see ya baby looking for the Chicken Madras

19/09/16 22:27:31

That thieving bitch Goldilocks, I knew she had an accomplice

15/09/16 23:01:50

I hope the taxi comes quick, I'm freezing my nuts off here.

09/09/16 7:55:54

These girls are all looking for a screw

08/09/16 22:45:30

It's not the type of boat I'm looking for, but lets just say I Noah guy who may be interested

06/05/18 22:52:20

Watching Britons Got Talent

22/04/18 8:42:22

Pit Ball Terrier

20/04/18 22:37:23

This is how a Mercedes bends

08/04/18 8:38:00

As we sat there watching the sunset, a cool breeze blew across the bay, it was nice just to relax from the hot sun and madding crowds and watch the Germans putting their towels down on the sun loungers.

12/12/17 9:52:30

A Dolce and Garbage creation if I'm not very much mistaken

11/12/17 17:02:33

Gran National

10/12/17 17:37:09

In Chile - miners are fitted with the latest escape gear

08/12/17 7:41:01

Dave was starting to develop a crack habit

02/12/17 11:27:25

Posh spice always liked a bit of family time

14/10/17 14:24:45

Do not pass go - do not not collect £200

22/04/17 8:26:19

Police are still baffled as there were no footprints around Mr Barrymore's pool?

19/04/17 9:42:55

It always happens with these new hydrogen fuel cars

10/04/17 17:28:48

As she sat there watching the sunset, a cool breeze blew across the bay, it was nice just to relax from the hot sun and madding crowds and watch the Germans putting their towels down on the sun loungers.

08/04/17 21:46:40

And I would have gotten away with it if it wasn't for those pesky kids.

07/04/17 22:40:27

Dave was always on the fence deciding whether to take the bike or beg for bus fare to sign on.

06/04/17 20:34:00

His Masters Vice

04/04/17 19:45:49

Burger meister

03/04/17 18:54:10

Oh you did only blow the bloody doors off - thanks

01/04/17 20:19:00

It runs really well - I’ve barely spent a penny on it

06/12/16 22:40:43

A ventriloquist act wins the first Albania's got talent show

06/10/16 14:22:18

Torched wood

28/09/16 9:27:21

Mum that's the last time i'm going Ryan Air economy class

17/09/16 14:34:26

Piers Bros-Son

20/12/12 21:08:01

It was Professor Plum, in the bathroom with a fly swat

04/12/12 10:51:02

Chilean minor

02/12/12 17:46:40

To boldy go where no Nan has gone before

24/11/12 20:08:36

The game went to sudden death

21/11/12 20:35:44

Bicycle Repair Man - But How!

16/11/12 16:27:42

Hello - mis sold PPI - Don't worry we can help you claw it back.

15/11/12 21:48:55

Shock,horror as Sooty is photographed in Hampstead Heath gay orgy.

14/11/12 13:15:27

On the photos we'll project the Hawiian background

29/10/12 21:07:05

Grazing Anatomy

28/10/12 15:50:33

In a bid to save money Boris Johnson decides to consolidate London transport

27/10/12 9:47:18

The devil wears Prada

25/10/12 22:19:41

I said "Fetch Rover, not fetch the Rover"

20/10/12 12:10:01

Somali pirates stage counter attack on London

17/10/12 13:33:44

I like the cut of these trousers

12/10/12 16:27:57

For Sale - only 3 owners Clarkson,May and Hamond

06/10/12 20:33:17

It's the biggest I could get for a tenner

29/09/12 15:55:07

I heard it on the grape vine

27/09/12 22:56:59

Golden Retriever Shower

24/09/12 9:21:33

Grays Anatomy

22/09/12 21:17:20

Also available in right foot drive

22/09/12 15:10:40

Madonna didn't bring a big enough bag shopping

21/09/12 20:13:48

Yuri Geller takes a jog in his local park

20/09/12 23:12:07

Bruce Wane

18/09/12 21:12:45

Fauna Gate

16/09/12 13:48:56

Maureen - I'm afraid to tell you, you failed your driving test.

11/09/12 22:40:28

No I'm not with him - just wanted to see what a motorbike tattoo would look like on my back

07/09/12 10:00:34

I really dig your boots

30/08/12 10:36:20

Prince Harry's car is spotted on his recent visit to Japan.

27/08/12 20:33:57

Have you seen my keys?

18/08/12 22:17:57

Pumbaa announces "Hakuna Matata" tour with new partner, as Timon signs up to the CompareTheMeerkat adverts

16/08/12 22:14:07

Hose pipe ban is finally lifted

04/08/12 14:19:27