Bust Stop

08/06/12 20:00:06

"Oman that looks bad"

"Yemen it does!"

19/10/11 11:14:42

“Ejaculate…..ejaculate….!”

15/04/12 11:00:06

Dave liked to unwind at the end of the day.

26/06/12 20:00:09

Living the dream: Sat in a jacuzzi with a bird on his cock.

15/05/12 20:04:38

After years of going "low energy", Phil switched back to a 100 watt bulb.

12/04/12 21:05:17

He hoped his daughter would grow up older, budweiser.

09/12/12 13:22:39

"My mate says he came to Bangkok and caught crabs but I haven't had a bite all day!"

11/10/12 13:49:22

"Darling I'd love to have your mother over to stay but we haven't got enough seats."

03/09/12 12:01:55

"Drinking lots never harmed me!" says Dave, 24 from Clapham.

10/01/12 12:28:13

"Ok, I know it's big but there's no need to spell it out!"

29/10/11 20:05:06

The first blonde to walk all over a Beetle since Heather Mills.

25/07/11 18:53:52

"Pieces of crate, pieces of crate!"

16/08/17 20:07:11

Salvador D'alley

04/09/17 20:03:30

Ring of Fire

12/02/13 20:04:07

"Ahmed, when I said 'are you coming out?' I meant for a drink!"

03/10/12 21:30:13

After winning another gold, Chris Hoy was overcome with emulsion.

06/08/12 16:00:18

Railway sleepers

07/06/12 20:00:05

May the sauce be with you...

02/01/12 20:11:30

creative

"This is my girlfriend. I love her just a Lidl. She Asda be the best girl I've ever met. I couldn't think of anyone Nisa. I could look into her eyes Aldi. She's always in a hurry though. I'm forever saying 'Waitrose'. But she's usually Co-operative. We're getting married soon. She's taking her girly friends on a hen weekend to a Spar and then we're having our honeymoon in Iceland."

10/09/13 20:06:52

"Put the earthling back. Our test results show he's got exactly the same DNA as the last 5 we tried."

"Should we try somewhere else other than Norfolk?"

13/12/12 13:23:03

"Sod this audition! I don't even like Lurpack anyway!"

29/09/12 12:07:06

"I can see what the problem is....someone's parked a lawn-mower on your genitals."

04/09/12 12:05:39

He loved his girlfriend, but she came with too much baggage.

22/08/12 20:01:03

"Grandad, what makes men want to spend all their spare time trying to grow vegetables?"

"About 25 years of marriage, son."

13/08/12 20:03:10

"Hello son, did you bring any souvenirs back from Thailand?"

16/04/12 20:03:51

After the Andrex puppy had nicked the toilet roll, things got even worse for Dave.

11/04/12 12:51:57

Loitering within tent

05/03/12 20:44:40

"Right, come on you lot, he's just finished cleaning his car..."

05/02/12 20:12:11

In Thailand it's not unusual to find a girl with a Chopper.

04/01/12 13:36:39

"That chicken sure has balls!"
"Yes, I wouldn't be seen dead wearing a toupée!"

04/01/19 12:22:09

Once you pop, you can't....oh.....actually I'm not that hungry anymore.

09/11/17 20:01:34

"See lads! I told you I knew a slag we could all have a go on!"

07/12/12 12:57:24

Timmy regretted asking his mum where he was conceived.

14/09/12 13:50:33

"Dave, that perfume you bought your mother-in-law has caught fire. What sort was it?"

"Unleaded."

01/08/12 20:06:23

The mystery of the vanishing dogs, and the feeding of the five-thousand, appeared to be solved.

01/08/12 11:05:58

"And there you go, the full 'Leslie Ash'!"

23/02/12 20:15:59

"What factor suncream should I use?"

"Fifteen, love."

05/12/11 15:06:56

David was amazed that his neutrinos were in his jar as he hadn't planned on putting them there until tomorrow.

24/11/11 12:34:36

lol

Unfortunately Anita Ward had failed to specify which one.

15/02/19 12:59:56

lol creative

Mick Hucknall liked to take his dog along to his book signings.

11/10/13 20:37:36

Never mind lads, you can shave them off on Saturday.

29/11/12 20:01:45

"Hang on lads.....I've got an idea...."

07/09/12 12:57:52

"Marvellous! She makes us come halfway across the known universe and then decides she liked the shoes in the first shop better!"

31/08/12 13:40:40

There are many mysteries in the world:

How did we get here?

Is there a god?

But one question puzzles us all....

Who the fuck voted for this photo?

30/08/12 20:10:07

When Debbie found out her boyfriend had been sending pictures of his gentials to other women, she decided to buy him a suitable camera.

02/04/12 20:01:53

Orchestral Manoeuvres in the Park

17/02/12 20:03:10

"Tonight Matthew, I'm going to be....Whitney Houston."

17/02/12 13:27:19

It was a strain looking after Harry Redknapp's tax returns.

26/01/12 20:29:37

Photographers gather as John Cleese, Ronnie Barker and Ronnie Corbett arrive in Tokyo.

19/11/11 12:00:54

"So I took my knickers off and said 'Have you ever seen a red-haired twat before?', and he said 'Yes, Mick Hucknall.'"

27/10/11 20:07:39

"Why Dubai such weird t-shirts?"

19/10/11 11:19:14

"Hmm, it says here that Socrates thought that for a man to conquer himself is the first and noblest of all victories."

"Hmm, these birds sure are angry!"

10/10/11 22:07:44

He turned up in a 7.5 tonner but was going home with a Tranny.

22/11/12 22:23:48

Sophie Dahl

09/11/12 20:13:08

Man with elephant's trunk seeks lady with a camel toe.

29/08/12 20:57:27

The lady taxi-drivers would soon learn that they have to be more specific when meeting flights from Liverpool.

13/08/12 12:05:01

One of the best laxatives known to man.

09/08/12 20:00:23

Don't drink and dive.

24/02/12 12:23:37

Black pawn meets white knight

19/01/12 20:00:26

"Vacancy: Washers required."

07/11/11 20:30:01

The doctor thinks I've got Qatar.

19/10/11 11:10:16

"When do you think Dad will notice that I've swapped his shampoo for Mum's Veet?"

17/08/17 20:15:15

Romantic Bugger!

15/11/17 12:36:12

"Sorry mate, I didn't realise I'd picked a ginger one. I've kept the receipt..."

10/09/13 20:32:35

Robin Hood's gang turned out to be a bit 'merrier' than he'd bargained for.

30/08/12 13:07:35

“…and this little piggy went ‘wee-wah, wee-wah’, and followed me all the way home.”

09/08/12 20:00:30

If you think a dog hanging around a bar is a novelty, come to Doncaster...

08/08/12 20:01:30

"I'll get you for this, Butler!"

02/03/12 13:00:48

The government once again ignored Bombardier and awarded the new train contract to Dave's Autos in Croydon.

07/01/12 13:02:02

Snow White was beginning to regret moving in.

07/12/11 12:23:10

She should have gone the Safeway.

26/11/11 20:03:35

"...and under the UK's new immigration controls you can accept this lollipop as my passport."

15/11/11 13:46:20

Another photo of a big-chested airhead.

24/10/11 20:19:18

"I've seen the Bond films. Now we've pushed dad's Lotus into the water it should turn into a submarine."

18/10/11 11:16:24

"This will be the first time I've got a bird to 3rd base!"

02/11/14 20:03:13

"I think those steaks need a couple more minutes on the barbecue, Dave."

02/01/13 22:12:35

"I can't get down", said the bike, "I'm two-tyred."

17/12/12 20:02:45

The Taliban make their own executive toys.

13/12/12 21:29:44

It must be a Southern baby.

The fag's got a filter on it, the beer's only about 4%, and at six months' old she's what we call up North a 'late-starter'.

09/12/12 12:06:39

The bunkers at the Ryder Cup are a little trickier this year.

16/08/12 13:38:39

I always use Aerial for my dirty washing.

24/06/12 11:00:08

Connie Fir

14/06/12 20:00:07

An unusual sight: Three teenage girls not going off the rails

07/06/12 20:04:11

It's amazing what you can find on Gumtree.

01/05/12 13:41:51

Even in his old age, Dr Doolittle could still pull the birds.

29/04/12 20:26:14

Defective Jean Pool

25/03/12 20:02:53

No wonder they look happy, they just got laid.

26/02/12 20:01:17

Insane-sburys

30/01/12 20:07:31

"Virgin?"

"It's none of your business mother!"

12/01/12 20:22:11

After MPs advise people to have 2 drink free days, Dave picks January the 10th and 11th....2056.

10/01/12 12:26:45

"How much is that dogging in the window...?"

30/12/11 20:30:31

…and over the road a man with a megaphone advertising a library for the deaf.

14/12/11 20:00:13

"You were meant to build a futuristic house!"

"I did, we're in Norfolk."

14/12/11 13:47:44

Tim was well prepared for the Brussel Sprout season.

13/12/11 20:00:11

"No, it says 'add a baby mushroom'!"

21/11/11 20:12:55

"I don't get it...it says 'Please Turn Over' on both sides..."

13/10/11 20:02:05

Media shower.

09/10/11 11:08:32

Wendy looked forward to getting married so she could change her surname, Unfortunately, she married Mr Red-red-robin-keeps-bob-bob-bobbing-along.

28/08/17 15:00:45

The Taliban create an entrance for women at Kabul University.

19/10/12 12:54:44

Steroids, Steroids, Steroids, Hemorrhoids.

09/10/12 20:28:49

"Taxi for Street-Porter."

04/10/12 12:45:35

"Well you said you needed to spend some time in the Hospice!"

28/08/12 13:49:18

Mountain Cat Stevens

10/08/12 15:25:39

The other side reads: "I'M STAYING AT MY MOTHER'S!"

07/08/12 20:08:53

They argued a lot, but it was usually a storm in a D-cup.

25/07/12 12:04:04

As his eyesight deteriorated, Ahmed employed a 'dogshit-spotter'.

01/07/12 20:14:43

You have to admire their enthusiasm, but this Race for Life is going to take ages!

26/06/12 12:48:14

Her top might be Adidas but her baby carrier isn't Hi-Tec

18/06/12 20:02:10

Beware: Some tyre replacement technicians can be real cowboys.

29/05/12 20:07:31

"Do you think you're addicted to drink, Bob?"

"This is nothing! I used to be sat at my computer every night at 8p.m, waiting for a new photo to appear!"

30/04/12 20:27:57

"Here in Africa, when it rains for 3 weeks we call it a monsoon."

"Really? In the UK we call it a drought!"

29/04/12 14:59:53

Their bark is worse than their tights

13/04/12 20:01:33

"If I'd have known we'd end up in a bedroom in Barnsley I'd have worn my coat."

01/03/12 20:19:13

Madness's song found to be no longer factually correct.

20/02/12 12:46:12

Darwin's "Evolution of the Species": Page 3

09/02/12 12:55:52

Those of you who haven't seen Alien Vs Predator and don't want to know the result....look away now.

01/02/12 23:39:57

Fosbraey's absence from the leaderboard is explained as he submits one of his holiday photos.

01/02/12 13:55:56

They called it that as they built it on an old collie-ry.

24/01/12 13:44:13

“In the future, Hoff, I predict that you’ll work with the biggest pair of tits in show business”

“Do you mean Piers Morgan and Michael McIntyre?”

19/01/12 20:00:44

Even more worrying is it’s clearly a sign designed for drivers.

14/12/11 20:00:05

"You bitch! I said I was going to wear that!"

24/11/11 20:10:56

The Leaning Tower of Geezers

14/10/11 13:46:11

"Mr Obama, when I press this button my bomb will cause ruin to anything within 20 miles."

"That's why I chose to meet you in Swansea. No-one will notice."

18/04/13 12:47:08

"Clare Balding?"

"No, she's just tied her hair back today."

13/02/13 13:57:38

The Stoneybridge Olympic committee unveil their new swimming pool.

24/01/13 20:22:50

lol

Fly-fucking, by J R Hartley

15/01/13 20:23:03

"Sod off kids! I've just seen your nan swallow a fly, a spider and a bird, and I'm never coming home again!"

12/01/13 12:13:05

Thing had opted for a Humanist funeral.

11/12/12 12:49:24

"This is a 44 Magnum. It would have been a £1.29 Magnum, but we're in Lidl's."

04/10/12 20:19:21

The Ride of your Life. And a BMW.

14/09/12 13:05:46

Colombia Pictures

20/08/12 20:12:10

Nice try lads but the Beach Volleyball finished a week ago.

16/08/12 13:44:45

8 witches had already fallen for the quicksand prank.

15/08/12 20:03:17

Privet: Keep out!

14/06/12 20:00:16

At last someone turns up at the Leveson enquiry who isn't a fan of Murdock.

29/05/12 13:03:56

Don't use the turd lane.

25/05/12 20:03:56

"How can camping in the 6 yard box on a football pitch be illegal? Denis Law made a career out of it!"

18/05/12 20:05:10

Hmm, so I asked for a Swedish man with big balls who likes screwing.

Thanks, Match.com!

13/05/12 12:12:17

"There you go, Morrissey, you can come out tonight after all."

03/05/12 13:51:42

Taliblanket

03/05/12 13:41:17

"I see I'm having to wait for you to finish, darling."

"Yes, but then you always finish everything quicker than me. Don't you. Darling!"

02/05/12 13:51:15

"I told you we'd get dirty with some hose."

03/04/12 20:05:35

"I'd made one impulsive purchase today, but this one's even rasher."

30/03/12 20:05:44

A Sparrow, a duck and a couple of tits.

20/03/12 20:02:56

"We should have taken that lift with Santa when he offered us!"

06/02/12 12:54:09

"That's the last of the Greek population leaving the country, which means that you, me and the Acropolis owe everyone else €57 trillion"

12/01/12 20:46:29

After being forced to resign, Silvio Berlusconi threw a party to cheer himself up.

30/11/11 23:55:57

"Mirror, Mirror, on the wall,
Who's the black private dick
That's a sex machine for all the chicks?"

25/11/11 12:41:50

"Damn, same mistake again! Now where did I park my Lada?"

11/11/11 21:44:35

"Why are you miming? Catgut your tongue?"

11/10/11 20:03:17

No Scooter?

04/10/11 11:22:55

"Why not splash out on some new clothes?"

16/09/18 20:05:03

"Nice motor!"

"Yes, it's a Rolls."

03/11/17 21:36:35

The police line up in the "who chewed the sofa to pieces?" enquiry produced the usual suspects.

06/09/17 12:14:49

Whilst accepting first prize in the beauty pageant, Melanie didn't realise she was being stalked by a heavily-armed dung beetle.

05/09/17 21:11:34

No wonder they’re in a car, they haven’t got their cycles anymore.

07/10/13 20:00:06

lol

The bear in the Charmin adverts occasionally liked to swap the zoo's toilet roll for sandpaper.

22/01/13 20:31:40

"I bet they'll stop flirting and cover themselves up when I tell them that's not really Snoop Dogg after all!"

24/12/12 20:44:45

On a night out in Fukushima, a man has to look his best.

06/12/12 19:37:58

"If you strike me down I will become more powerful than you can possibly imagine. And you'll lose your no-claims."

23/11/12 20:19:34

Not every lady enjoys the 11.30 Diet Coke break.

20/09/12 12:00:56

"I asked for a 'Narcotics dog', not a narcoleptic one!"

10/09/12 20:09:38

"You idiots, we're meant to be recreating the defence against the Norman invasion by the Angles!"

30/08/12 13:06:27

"Hello mate, what are you selling?"

29/08/12 13:52:58

The other 2 cats out of 10 smoke too much heroin to be bothered about cat food.

18/08/12 12:53:56

"Say oops. Up. Side yo' head. Say oops upside yo' head..."

16/08/12 13:42:16

Club Tropicana, chimps are free....

19/07/12 13:43:00

As Katie Holmes took the stand at her divorce hearing, she suspected Tom's scientologist friends weren't playing fair.

05/07/12 20:15:44

Box clever

03/07/12 20:00:28

Mustafa and his son had managed to escape from a land where religious persecution was rife, where there was often little to eat and where the locals affected a strange dialect to stop anyone else knowing what they were talking about.


Birmingham.

01/07/12 20:31:47

It's a little-known fact that the "aftercare" on the Jeremy Kyle show is just a wheelbarrow full of condoms.

18/06/12 20:05:49

"I know what you're thinking....'did he give me 6 Hail Marys or only 5'...."

13/06/12 12:58:24

"He aint heavy, he's my half-step brother..."

10/06/12 11:03:01

"How do you know which one is Arthur Brown's house?"

08/06/12 12:02:58

"Meccas one with cheese."

"Allah've one with barbecue sauce."

12/05/12 22:09:44

Oh no, not moor arm-wrestling!

12/05/12 12:40:49

The ladies like a man who has sex like a rabbit. Meet the rabbit who has sex like a man.

24/04/12 20:00:24

"No wonder they're hyperactive Barbara, they've just licked all the chocolate off those Kit-Kats"

24/04/12 12:27:32

On being given his protective headgear, James suspected that the rest of the Fukushima safety-inspectors didn't like him.

22/04/12 22:05:03

Tales Of The Uneggspected

17/04/12 13:27:08

Please tear along the dotted line.

08/04/12 21:08:24

In this week's Location Location Location, Phil and Kirsty find the ideal country retreat for Marilyn Manson.

19/03/12 13:31:09

"Wow, I just heard that fungus say 'Pick a card, any card...'"

"It must be a magic mushroom."

13/03/12 13:29:10

Ivory Coast's defenders were prepared for Peter Crouch.

05/03/12 12:53:38

"When I asked for 'some bikes with a big rack' I actually meant some large-chested women of easy virtue."

28/02/12 13:49:26

The cure for a grizzly hangover.

26/02/12 13:32:15

Agoraphobic Society AGM.

23/02/12 13:54:30

The government unveil their new range of starter homes.

20/02/12 20:02:10

Cartman

30/01/12 20:06:51

“I never said you were fat, Darling, I just thought this was a safer way to get you home than a minicab.”

20/01/12 11:14:48

Religion will do everything it can to save your soles.

15/01/12 11:06:29

This wasn't just any fall, this was an M & S fall.

26/11/11 20:04:31

Tiger Wood's eye for blondes had started at an early age.

15/11/11 13:43:41

The years hadn't been kind to The Eurythmics

30/10/11 20:03:28

"Come back...I haven't shown you the upstairs yet!"

30/10/11 11:37:18

Au-burn

13/10/11 13:47:18

Despite the Oil of Olay shortage Michael Douglas still looked happy, which was more than could be said for Joan Collins.

12/10/11 22:07:53

"He's an unorthodox priest..."

07/10/11 12:57:50

Cross: £150. Robes: £200.

The look on atheists' faces as they realise they're in the shit: Priceless.

21/08/11 11:19:23