Martin Veith

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	Tim was his own worst enema. 10/11/11 20:32:19	17

	Play penne 21/11/11 21:23:44	13

	That's how you bowl a maiden over. 20/08/11 16:28:23	13

	clever You'll be happy to know, Mrs. Taylor, that your husband gave you his car in the settlement. 24/02/16 4:05:20	13

	A novel way to travel 19/03/12 20:05:26	12

	We should go over to the new neighbours and break the ice. 17/12/11 15:34:59	2 12

	It's the feet, mate. They create unrealistic expectations. 21/10/11 15:23:29	10

	Man's best friend and some sort of terrier. 08/08/11 13:51:10	1 10

	Dan, what the fuck happened last night? 06/02/13 8:29:46	9

	Abdominal snowman 17/11/12 20:09:32	9

	Anything smaller is just a wannabee. 20/12/11 21:06:38	9

	The difference between really good luck and really bad luck is whether you're snowed in the day before or after your mother in law comes to visit. 17/12/11 15:45:28	9

	Oh darn, here comes my gynaecologist. 26/11/16 12:29:12	8

	Head over wheels 04/04/12 17:22:44	8

	The bus driver was suspended. 28/03/12 17:18:05	8

	Oh come on now, it's just a little allergic reaction. 18/10/11 6:51:02	8

	That was Sally in her prime, before she went cuckoo. 31/12/15 15:44:24	7

	It's like trying to put a round Greg in a square hole 28/06/14 8:14:58	7

	Whoa, whoa, she slept with me, I didn't sleep with her! 29/08/13 16:59:44	7

	Hey Bro, I didn't say I could do photography, I just said it would be a walk in the park. 16/12/11 21:52:05	7

	"Oh shit, now what?" thought Tom. 22/05/14 13:38:24	6

	R2 brie2 10/03/14 19:10:32	6

	His cousin is a handbag 11/03/13 21:23:59	6

	I shouldn't have smoked that tumble weed. 06/11/12 21:11:24	6

	Sometimes you treat me as if I'm part of the furniture. 18/03/12 20:02:36	6

	Birds of a feather flock to Trevor. 16/03/12 14:47:54	6

	That's when Dad's clever idea to buy the cheapest water pistol backfired. 30/12/11 23:32:12	6

	I'm sorry Phil, but I like Lance a lot. 27/12/11 16:28:28	6

	While certainly intriguing, it did not really add to the bird in the hand vs. two in the bush debate. 12/12/11 14:29:48	6

	He had it all figured out: lights, camera, action. 17/11/11 20:47:49	6

	Buying oceanfront property in Thailand over the internet seemed like a good idea at the time. 02/11/11 22:14:22	6

	Doing her business. 06/10/11 14:05:46	6

	Krispy Kreme collects on some unpaid tabs. 24/08/11 16:08:20	2 6

	Just yesterday I was still shoeing the beggars away. 07/02/16 8:12:45	6

	I miss the old days when Star Wars villains were less complex. 25/01/16 20:57:11	6

	creative x2 Martha Stewart rule #7: what to do in a suicide bombing: "So the pie isn't perfect? Cut it into wedges. Stay in control, never panic." 05/11/14 22:23:03	2 6
This is my favourite caption of the week, more like this please Martin :) --Michael Winner
	creative Bob, I'm not accusing you, but I feel like you put your hobbies ahead of my needs. 30/01/16 17:24:34	5

	Next time can we just bring Muhammad to the mountain? 27/01/16 6:20:34	5

	Look Mom, no fans. 27/12/15 20:17:35	5

	Stiff upper lips 20/08/13 6:15:20	5

	Three days into the honeymoon June caught her husband Fred-handed. 30/04/12 16:15:15	5

	Tim was going through a rough patch. 21/04/12 19:58:24	5

	Oh no, don't take off your clothes, you're way past your prime mate. 08/04/12 2:33:51	5

	Damn, I could have sworn it was the right leg, sorry to wake you Mr. Davis. 17/03/12 22:06:30	5

	What he needs is a coat of arms. 31/12/11 11:33:09	5

	Shop as long as you want, Dear. I'll be in this one. 30/12/11 21:30:09	5

	The town prides itself on its model citizens. 26/12/11 16:15:04	1 5

	Here's something until you get back on your feet. 25/12/11 16:00:02	3 5

	Soccer for punishment 13/12/11 15:01:00	5

	After 17 marriages and 1584 children, life had taken a toll on Nemo. 24/11/11 6:02:07	5

	Uh-oh, why is she straining? 21/11/11 22:37:20	5

	The Harry Potter book said "a clove" of garlic but Edna wasn't taking any chances. 09/11/11 22:49:41	5

	Gnome is hoping for some fairy tail. 25/10/11 22:38:21	5

	"800 thread count, this shirt. Feel it. The smartest thing I ever did was getting a job at the plutonium plant. The money's insane." 19/10/11 16:19:44	5

	Quack the Ripper 20/09/11 14:19:34	5

	Sir, where have you been applying the male enhancement cream? 03/09/11 17:06:00	1 5

	Doctor, are you sure it's pink eye? 28/11/16 16:40:59	1 4
I find this funny but the F word adds nothing to it. Take that out and you get my vote. :) --Pussy Galore
	Kids, are you in the car yet? And did you put on your nice clothes for the passport photos? 17/11/16 7:06:19	4

	Spontanus combustion 03/03/16 6:11:57	4

	"Then she said in a husky voice, 'I wanna have your babies.'" 03/02/16 21:17:34	4

	This wouldn't have happened if you'd used condiments. 09/12/15 23:16:33	4

	Seventeen health code violations"¦that's it, Huang, your goose is cooked! 01/12/15 13:37:22	4

	"Can you describe what you mean by explosive diarrhea, Mrs. Higgins?" 21/10/15 16:47:25	4

	As my grandfather would say: that's disgusting, what kind of man grows his hair long like that? 14/07/14 8:20:05	4

	creative A picture says a thousand words, none of which are appropriate for this caption. 10/07/14 0:28:19	4

	Free willy, courtesy of my cheating husband 02/07/14 17:48:38	4

	Tired of digging, Pete tries to convince his kidnappers that the hole is big enough. 28/06/14 8:07:36	4

	creative "This is Lance Armstrong, leave a message after the beep..." "Hi, Lance, I was hoping to catch you before your race. There may have been a mixup with your drugs..." 30/05/14 8:24:26	4

	I bought my wife a stunning 18 carrot necklace. 05/03/14 7:34:01	4

	OK kid, for the last time, where are the fish and chips? 01/08/13 9:00:14	4

	Anorexia nersofa 19/11/12 22:00:42	4

	Wolfgang always wanted to be a columnist. 06/11/12 14:57:00	4

	Remarkable. Is she yours? Yeah, I nailed her last night. 27/04/12 23:31:20	4

	Toy Storey 24/04/12 15:18:55	4

	My little yoni 03/04/12 14:59:08	3 4

	Dough re mi 14/03/12 15:10:31	4

	The Ford production line in 2032. 28/02/12 13:08:31	4

	I hate Chinese toilets 22/02/12 22:46:18	4

	Sue's canal 25/12/11 15:20:18	4

	The fun run for the blind was unfortunately scheduled on April 1st. 09/12/11 21:57:36	4

	Mom, this time I'm serious! Don't do it, Son, wait! OK I'm ready. 29/11/11 22:27:16	4

	This guy must have a big penis. 20/11/11 21:02:04	5 4

	Sheryl Crow's daughter, Scare Crow, also just wants to have some fun. 06/09/11 15:22:31	4

	Not the Best Western I've ever seen. 01/09/11 16:12:06	4

	Call of doody 03/09/14 20:49:23	3

	Please don't let the claw get me again. The surgeon in here is terrible. 14/07/14 8:22:02	3

	"How many %$#@ years was I down there?" asked SuperMario 09/07/14 8:29:09	3

	Gravity is still the biggest problem on Jupiter, but on the upside mobile phone reception is excellent. 26/05/14 16:39:36	3

	Pyromaniacs Anonymous meeting tonight cancelled due to foreseen circumstances 26/05/14 16:32:18	3

	International Pap smear day ... a simple poster would have sufficed. 19/10/13 3:03:46	3

	Elton John is a lousy regifter 14/08/13 17:15:38	3

	Bee witched 20/07/13 3:25:51	3

	And where do you want the Darth Vader tattoo? 06/02/13 8:36:36	3

	What a colourful bathroom: red urinals and a golden shower. 21/11/12 15:46:06	3

	Outwitted by that bloody cat again! 14/11/12 15:09:10	3

	That guy has some nerf 04/04/12 0:08:41	3

	Older and boulder 29/03/12 13:20:45	3

	Sorry, no speako Espaniel 24/03/12 15:30:45	3

	Twisted Fister 28/02/12 20:31:29	3

	The old geysers still have something left in them. 21/02/12 20:23:33	3

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Martin Veith

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